Candice Wu 0:00
In this episode is a conversation about the Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper video, racism and how it's been playing out in the U.S right now, the way my body expressed reactions and perceptions towards black people, and an experiential for you to open your own body-based exploration around people who are different from you.

Candice Wu 0:24
The Embody Podcast accompanies you on your journey of remembering and embodying your true nature, integration, and alignment with your vibrational clarity, self-love, and living a life of beauty and wholeness. It's a menu of transformative healing tools, experientials, meditations, and practices from a blend of Family Constellations, Somatic Therapies, and Holistic and Spiritual practices, sprinkled with vulnerable conversations with people who have the courage to be themselves, {alive now} Episodes with updates on my personal process and Reverie Episodes that are Spiritual succulents that honor, reveal, hug, shake or stir you into Love. I'm your host, Candice Wu, integrative and intuitive healing facilitator, and artist.

Candice Wu 1:24
Hi, everyone, welcome back.

Candice Wu 1:27
Today's episode is a deepening into the conversation around race wounds and hidden race wounds, racism, and how to work with this in the body.

Candice Wu 1:41
I talked a little bit about this already, including my personal experiences with some race wounds, both on the side of being the person holding a belief about someone that ended up hurting them and from the other side of feeling wounded or hurt.

Candice Wu 2:01
In that conversation was this opener, an invitation to look and to be with exactly what you feel. And to go into the deeper layers of what you experience and what you put upon others because of your own fears or because of looking good and doing what people call Performative Allyship, being an ally to people, like black people, perhaps, and just doing it for a pat on the back, and ignoring the deeper stuff that lives in your body that plays itself out.

Candice Wu 2:42
So that conversation started in that episode. You can find it at [CandiceWu.com/racewounds](https://CandiceWu.com/racewounds).

Candice Wu 2:50
It's your body that holds reactions and unconscious sentiments towards others that contribute to racism. And no matter who you are. If you're black, brown, white, yellow, every color or tone skin tone in between, going deeper into the dynamics of what's going on systemically means looking at your own body's reactions, along with any other actions that your heart feels called to take, if that's protesting, if that's speaking up, if that's donating money to organizations that are supporting black people or those that you feel you want to support. I suggest holding space for what's held in your own body and digesting it.

Candice Wu 3:41
If you don't involve your own body in healing racism or in your anti-racism efforts, it has a risk. Your support of Black Lives Matter or any other race movement, it has a risk of being only performative and not going deep enough or perpetuating the same underlying dynamics that you intend to shift, that you intend to be different. But because it's held in the unconscious of the body, it stays the same.

Candice Wu 4:12
There is an effect when we hold stuff that's living in our bodies. When you heal your body's experience and the unconscious lived experience, the world around literally changes. So I encourage you to build your own ability to respond to your own reactions and to respond in the world instead of reacting. This is your response-ability. And this is inner freedom. Inner freedom supports freedom for all.

Candice Wu 4:44
I promised I'd talk a little bit about Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper. And I think that's a great opening for this experiential that I want to offer today.

Candice Wu 4:55
So if you haven't seen the video with Amy Cooper and Christian Cooper, it might be interesting to look at that.

Candice Wu 5:04
What I witnessed was a white woman, Amy, calling the police on a black man who asked her to put a leash on her dog in New York City, in the park, and he was calm and anyway, I'm not going to describe all of it, you can watch the short clip. But what I want to highlight today, first is how extremely calm the black man was “Christian”. I'm amazed even I don't know if I would be able to handle it like that. And then secondly, how Amy, I kind of want to say just the white woman because this can apply to anybody, and it's really not about her personally. It can apply to me. Her reaction, I see, is because of trauma that maybe she doesn't know about. Her body flared up so much. And I can't assume what she felt. But I can see that her body was escalating and activated and her nervous system seemed to go haywire. She was yelling in a sort of uncontrolled way. And she weaponized calling the police against this man who — where it was totally not called for in that situation.

Candice Wu 6:41
And that's similar to what's happening with police officers. They're scared and they have a knee jerk reaction, or there's something else going on in this dynamic of their own lives and it's being taken out on a certain group of people, black people in particular, but people of other races, experiences too.

Candice Wu 7:08
So I don't want to exclude but I do want to be sensitive because right now is a strong time for listening and beholding space for black folks experience the space that hasn't been had and truly been acknowledging enough. And we would know that because it wouldn't exist if the society could hold enough space to honor respect and stand behind all people, especially black people.

Candice Wu 7:58
So this woman had this trauma response and this is not to excuse what she did. It is just to say that I think that's going on for a lot of people in the world and in the United States, that even with and now I'm not speaking about this woman, but in general, even with the best of intentions, we can still be holding these hidden pieces of ourselves that will have a threat response, a trauma response, given an experience with someone of another race in a particular circumstance, where that might not be proportionate to what's actually happening.

Candice Wu 8:51
And because this has happened for so long and reiterated itself, repeated itself over and over and over in many ways, in this country of the United States, and perhaps in other countries, it has become a place where we're on autopilot, we are numb and these protests are waking many people up.

Candice Wu 9:19
So in this experiential today, I invite you to get curious about what it is that happens in your body and to be honest with yourself, to see and feel what you feel, and to have the courage to allow whatever comes up to be part of your process, in looking at your own racism. Or, if you want to say it in different terms, the ways that your unconscious wounds and belief sets then you may keep down, can live out.

Candice Wu 10:07
The important idea here is Performative Allyship. It's when you ally with people that won't support, won't to stand by them and you do it for a pat on the back and not in a whole and embodied way looking deeper. And that's really dangerous because it's a way to avoid looking at the deeper stuff that we all have.

Candice Wu 10:46
I don't know maybe the Dalai Lama doesn't have it, I don't know. But I want to venture to say we all have something and you can listen to my episode about what I experienced. And those were just two examples out of many I've looked at in my life. Many places where I have seen myself have different responses in my body towards people who look different than me or who are different or people of a different race. And that means something, that does something when I don't acknowledge it.

Candice Wu 11:23
So it's important to know what's there and just own it, and be honest with yourself to do so, and to look at how that affects your interactions. It's not a time to put blame on yourself, but to be gentle, so that you can look. It's not a time to shame yourself, even though you may feel shame.

Candice Wu 11:54
So I'm talking to everyone, including myself. I'm not just talking to White people, how we feel in our bodies. When we see a person of another race, or of another, whatever, we perceive them as different. We have a reaction in our bodies. It may be one of welcoming and warmth. So see if that's there for you. It may be, I can't look, it's hard to look, it may be fear, it may be sadness because some memory gets triggered up from your ancestry through your body or your past life, wherever it came from.

Candice Wu 12:43
All of that affects how we interact with each other and what we ignore, what we look at, who gets seen, who doesn't? What part of you get seen and doesn't?

Candice Wu 13:04
And so here is an opening to deepen in your own personal responsibility, response-ability, the ability to respond, the ability to look and hold and be with your own reactions and respond.

Candice Wu 13:26
So if you would like to please jump into this experience with me, and you can have a pillow or some sort of object to support this process. I'm going to invite you to move around your space using that pillow or book or some sort of prop, even a piece of paper and you can write on it. And I'll let you know what this object or paper is going to represent in just a moment.

Candice Wu 14:00
If you are not in a space where you can do this physically, or you don't have enough privacy, say you're in transit or something, you can imagine this in your mind. I don't recommend doing this while you're driving though, so please find a comfortable, safe space.

Candice Wu 14:22
When I first began looking at my biases, reactions, perceptions, and beliefs around black people or about them, I was surprised to notice that I couldn't really look at them. I was afraid of their power actually. I had both an idealized view that they were like, all-powerful grounded beings who could dance, kind of like drum up their warriors' selves and dance it out in this way that I wish I could be. And that I might be like screamed at, that was the sense I got, that I might be screamed at by someone who is black, and I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Candice Wu 15:24
Well, the perception was that they were erratic or perhaps angry, uncontrollable and that scared me. The perceptions that I placed upon black people were more about me than anything else. They were about my childhood wounding where I could get screamed at and that was terrifying and some of that had not been digested and metabolized or integrated. They were about ancestral trauma, wounding from culture to culture through my ancestry that it was intergenerational, the history of black people and Chinese people against each other.

Candice Wu 16:10
They were also about the fear of my own power and fear of others being full in their power. That part of your own power is the freedom to stand up and speak your truth and be that warrior self. And if I could have it, that was scary, what that would be for me, and if others could have it, then my own reactions to that and what would I do with that, that was scary.

Candice Wu 16:40
So when we leave these perceptions, but not only perceptions, our body's responses, our wounding, our untouched wounds, stuck in time, it's like cobwebs and bones in your closet or in your kitchen and they are rotting, and they're creating this undertone. And that is the underlying foundation of systemic racism and violence. That is what can bubble up and fuel our interactions with people of different races or of difference. And we may not be aware of that.

Candice Wu 17:24
And when I did get more courage in myself to look and to feel that I really wanted to digest it, so that I didn't have that experience, and I wasn't putting that on black people around me and I did.

Candice Wu 17:49
I felt like a whole shift because when I would imagine looking at a black person or when I was actually in front of a black person, and I'm not saying all Black people. I'm saying ones that I don't know, or certain ones that maybe they dressed differently than White people, or Asian people around me. Or, they had a certain kind of attitude that I wasn't used to and I don't mean a bad attitude. I mean, like, they're sassy in a certain way. I couldn't look at them. I would – like – slink away or turn away. And I didn't even notice that response until I did.

Candice Wu 18:45
And so the experiential that I want to offer today is one of that kind of practice, to get to know if you haven't already, some of those reactions that you may have and if you already know your reactions, it's a chance to test it out, comb through it and see what's here for you today.

Candice Wu 19:12
So what I'd invite you to do is take a pillow, or some sort of object to use as a prop. And with that, have a space that you can move about, that's private and quiet. If you're doing this on public transit, or in a place you don't have that much space, you could try visualizing this in your mind, but I would not do this while driving or operating any machinery.

Candice Wu 19:58
We're going to invite this object, this prop to represent someone of a race that you are wanting to look at your own reactions within your own body. It could be a Black person, it could be another — a Black person of another color, if you are Black, could be White person, could be Chinese, whoever. Just choose one for now, and you can do this with any other kind of person or a person with difference, like a different ability, size, accent or language, different sexuality. This can be applied to anything.

Candice Wu 21:03
So as you designate this prop to represent this person, this kind of person, and obviously, it's like a generalized thing, although different people you know may come to mind. Place the objects somewhere in your space, just intuitively wherever it feels right. And allow yourself to stand in a space interacting with this person.

Candice Wu 21:29
Imagine this person. Notice where you stand and how close or far away and allow your body to move around until you find a place where your body goes, where you land, where what happens is just happening. And open your curiosities, so that you can just allow whatever it is that's here to be here, to be discovered, to be revealed, and maybe even to surprise yourself in the safety of your own experience.

Candice Wu 22:15
There's no judgment or shame about whatever you may experience and you may even experience your own shame or judgment, and that's okay too.

Candice Wu 22:38
Now, feel and begin to witness what emotions and sensations you have inside your body as you're aware of this person. Become aware of where your eyes are looking, where they can look, or where they cannot.

Candice Wu 23:06
Can you see this person? And what happens in your body when you do look?

Candice Wu 23:19
And be open to anything, maybe it's warmth, maybe it's nothing. Maybe it's fear or some tension or a tightening of your shoulder, towards your neck and ear. Look for the subtleties and just be curious as you explore inward and downward.

Candice Wu 23:53
And whatever distance you're at, notice if you go closer, just a bit or farther just a bit, what begins to happen there inside your own body.

Candice Wu 24:19
And if you allow yourself to recognize or acknowledge that this person has a right to be, and to exist, what happens in you?

Candice Wu 24:46
And experiment with saying to them, I see you. And if it's true or not, can you see them?

Candice Wu 24:55
Can you see that they have a family or that they came from somewhere in terms of having an ancestry of people behind them?

Candice Wu 25:14
Can you see that they may have desires or dreams and honor that, what happens in you?

Candice Wu 25:30
Can you see if they have wounds or that they have wounds? Are you open to seeing that?

Candice Wu 25:49
And now just looking at your own experience, your own body even more, notice whatever happens in your body. Are there any thoughts about this person that is beginning to reveal itself?

Candice Wu 26:10
Any fears? Assumptions?

Candice Wu 26:23
And these assumptions don't have to even be “bad”. They might just be any assumption that you don't know has an unintended consequence. For example, thinking an Asian person is smart. That's an assumption and that can have an undesired effect. Even if you think it's a good thing to think about someone.

Candice Wu 27:03
Notice what there is here.

Candice Wu 27:07
Again in your body, all the way down to your toes.

Candice Wu 27:18
And whatever there is here to notice or witness, just allow yourself a few more moments here to do so and experiment with this dynamic as much or as little as you want moving closer, farther, standing next to, standing behind, seeing their ancestry, letting them see you.

Candice Wu 27:56
Noticing any part of you that has dislike or disgust or any other uncomfortable feeling. And let yourself investigate that by just being with it.

Candice Wu 28:20
And you might take longer here or take note of pieces of what you experience, thoughts that may have come up. Recognize that not everything is going to come up here. Because this stuff generally happens when you interact with life itself. And there are different ways that circumstances can draw out unknown perceptions or things that were just hidden or that you've hidden from yourself.

Candice Wu 28:56
So this is just an opening.

Candice Wu 29:02
When you're ready, take that prop and release it back to what it is. The pillow or the object that it is. And check in with yourself again.

Candice Wu 29:14
Notice how you're feeling in your body. Anything that's happening for you.

Candice Wu 29:26
Thank yourself for having the time and making the time and space, for having the courage to look.

Candice Wu 29:36
And feel free to try this again with any other kind of person that is different from you. Just checking to see what there is to know, what there can be revealed to you.

Candice Wu 29:52
And if you have someone that's willing to do it with you in person, someone who is different from you, if it's a safe experience that you can set up for the two of you that's agreed upon, that might be really interesting.

Candice Wu 30:11
And know that there are lots of spaces of Systemic Constellations that hold space for race wounds and race dynamics, wounds of our ancestry.

Candice Wu 30:26
In this experiential, we just looked at the body's reactions, the body's experience, when in the presence of someone who's different from you.

Candice Wu 30:41
In upcoming episodes, I want to look at parts of us that hold certain wounds, certain perceptions that may open up to our own personal wounding, or the wounding of our ancestry that we've inherited or have been replaying.

Candice Wu 31:02
And I want to talk about some Spiritual perspectives that zoom out farther, that are not unrelated to what we're talking about, but from a different vantage point to look at, from the level of creation. How have we created this and what it is that we're creating so we can take a deeper responsibility? A farther back perspective of responsibility and come out of any of our own victimization where we feel like someone else is to blame or to fault or something. Not everyone will be ready for that kind of risk, possibility, or presence.

Candice Wu 32:03
Some people at different times need acknowledgment of other people because that's where the wound happened. But I want to offer these coming up, so stay tuned if you're interested in that.

Candice Wu 32:19
Feel free to reach out to me and share your own experience with this experiential or pieces of this work that you're interested in. My email is [embody@candicewu.com](https://CandiceWu.com/connect). Feel free to leave a comment if you're seeing this on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube.

Candice Wu 32:36
Thank you so much, and please be gentle with yourself. Support your body if you need it. And again, thank yourself for practicing this today.

Candice Wu 32:51
I'll leave you with just a little music to transition and allow your body to come back into the present moment and to whatever else your day holds.

Candice Wu 33:03
Thanks so much for joining me. I'll see you next time.

Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is brought to you from the Pacific Ocean in Mexico, and we're touching in on self-betrayal and protection today, as well as forgiving yourself, acceptance, and more than acceptance, loving yourself in every moment that you're experiencing. So a little meditation to support you in that.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over over the world.

I know I said I was taking a hiatus from the podcast, but I don't know, when it feels good, it feels good. So I'm just going to go with that.

And that's really the topic of today. How we can truly listen to what our body, hearts, what our deeper selves need and want, and how to be in full loving acceptance of who we are, and more than acceptance, loving yourself, being attracted to yourself, desiring whatever it is you're experiencing to be held in its full. And for me that required self-forgiveness.

Forgiving myself for judging my experience. Noticing the self-criticism or the self-blame, or the self-betrayal. There are places that we betray ourselves.

Self-betrayal is, in a way, splitting yourself off in two parts.

One part of you wants something and the other part says, “No, we're doing something else.”

And how do you reconcile that, and it's not in agreement, it's taking one over the other? It's not a mutual agreement of, “Okay, well, this is better because”, it's where we ignore or dismiss or avoid one part of ourselves or hide. And, we let another part override to protect us, to give us something we need, perhaps, or we think we need, what we have needed in lieu of the other.

So places where we dismiss what we feel. We don't hold our own experience. Places where we please others and accommodate others and put ourselves last or sacrifice what we might need or want in that moment.

Places where we don't even ask ourselves what we want and we just go on automatic. Where we think what we want or need is stupid, cheesy or ridiculous, childish. Where we judge ourselves or where we have an intuition about something and we ignore it.

And so when we say self-betrayal, it comes with some blame.

So I like to draw towards the sense of protection, how is this behavior protecting you or giving you something you need? And when you sense these things for you, what does it feel like in your body?

So let's take a little time here today, together, to touch into some self-loving and bring forgiveness in, to soften.

So I invite you to be in a comfortable place, and before you get even more comfortable, let your body move a little bit in any way or give yourself some touch with the approach that you're supporting your body here and also with discovering what might be unknown in your experience, unknown in the corners of your joints.

Just allow yourself to notice whatever it is you notice inside or outside of you, including the waves crashing in our surroundings here.

Let the ocean bring mystery, the sense of mystery into discovering what's here for you today. The mystery of this moment. The mystery of life and what's revealing and evolving. The mystery that may be living within your emotions or your body's sensations.

And as you come to a comfortable place to sit or lie down or be, let your body be in whatever position it wants to be in.

And as you hear the waves crashing and moving, let that wash away the day so far, let it softly release your attention on all of the outer worlds, especially all that's going on in the periphery, in the collective.

And whatever part of you that has your attention on the collective experience or the trip to the grocery store, or anything that's more on the periphery, draw that energy and awareness back to yourself to your body right now, and let the ocean waves just wash away what belongs to other people.

Let the ocean waves wash away anything that's closer in proximity to you, in your relationships around you, in your surroundings, just letting it release your tension on, all of those things, letting the stress just wash away, drawing your energy towards you here.

Start to feel the energy and space right around your body. Imagine the ocean breeze sweeping across your body, releasing you of any expectations on yourself from the outer worlds. Any pressures or expectations from inside of yourself to yourself. Letting this be a time where you expect nothing from yourself and your body.

Notice any subtle sensations inside your body, in your energy fields. Imagine the energy of loving surrounding you, that may be a color of light, any color that suits you right now. That may be a sense of loving, compassionate presence with yourself. Just turn on that vibration or switch. The sense of being with whatever is here, being present with yourself, no matter what's happening and allowing all of it to continue to happen.

Begin to feel deeper into your body. Notice your heart. Notice the edges of your heart where they touch. The tissues of the body and other organs.

Notice lower into your body into the hips, into the belly, and all the way into the legs and the feet.

Anchor yourself to any pleasant or neutral sensation in the body.

And if you'd like to, I invite you to notice any places in your life, in your experience, where you betray yourself.

Notice any place you don't listen to yourself or you ignore what you know.

Then begin to feel what happens in your body as you're aware of that.

Notice any effect it has when you choose something other than what you know is right for you and witness all this with love, with a sense of neutrality and presence without any judgment.

And I invite you to forgive yourself for any judgment you have. For any self-betrayal, any ignoring or dismissing what you need, desire, or know.

The energy of forgiveness rushes through your body and hold every single cell of your body.

Let yourself acknowledge that whatever it is that you have chosen, you're able to make changes moving forward. And you may have needed to explore whatever that situation was in order to learn something or see something.

Just be with whatever you feel inside. Whatever you're aware of inside with your presence. Being with it 100% without changing it at all.

And whatever you feel inside, go deeper and deeper into the sensation, into your energy, and go even deeper. And when you feel like you've gone deep enough, go even deeper. Just letting your body digest whatever it is you're feeling and any energy that's moving in your body, any sensation is letting it move on its own.

I forgive myself for judging myself.

I forgive myself for judging myself for…

You can fill in the blank with anything that you've been hard on yourself about.

Take your own time, just being with yourself as long as you want to. And whenever you're ready to let your awareness come to the outer level of your body, the skin, begin to notice your surroundings even if your eyes are closed, and that's your own body's pace.

Let yourself move or stretch or be in any way that your body would like to be, following your own instinct, your own impulse. Being with yourself as you are.

And as we close this experience today, I'm watching about eight pelicans fly by in sync with each other across the water. They look very peaceful.

And just wishing you for your week, all the loving presence with yourself, and to be a little less hard on yourself if you are hard on yourself for anything you're experiencing. That's one way we can take a step towards self-loving and shift from self-betrayal is to just be with whatever's here. Love yourself by being present with your experience.

Wishing you all well, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
What an interesting time to be alive. Right now, the world is facing a huge collective experience with the Coronavirus, COVID–19. And this episode is about some thoughts I have, what I'm going through, and some ways that we can harvest the wisdom and cultivate the medicine from the underbellies of what we're experiencing.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

This episode is brought to you all the way from Mexico. When I first chose to come here, I came on the intention that I wanted to surrender, surrender to what my inner guidance said for me, which meant not making a million plans. But I still made one plan and that was to come home, well, go back to the US on April 1st and go to spend a month in California with my mentor with Horse Constellation, Sarah Fancy, and learn more from her.

So I made that plan for myself to come back and here I am, going along on my trip, and every bit of the way, I'm asking myself, what feels aligned now? What do I want to do now even if I had a previous idea, or desire, what is it now? Where am I called to go now?

And what happened when I continue to commit to that was I landed here south of Puerto Vallarta, on the ocean, on the Pacific, through a family friend, and I felt incredibly lucky. And as I arrived here, I needed a huge rest. This happened right before the US began to feel or began to make changes and feel the concern for coronavirus. And so here I am. And as time goes on, and I'm watching everything happen, Mexico's not quite responding the same way to the virus, everything seems to be going on, as “normal” here, but a few cases popping up.

Then, just last week, the border closed. The Mexican US border closed to non-essential travel. And I knew, looking ahead, prior to that happening, I had seen what happened when the border close to Europe and all the people flooded into the States, and I just thought I do not want to be stuck in that. And I thought, well, I'll definitely miss that and then still try to go April 1st. Well, I don't think so.

So when I chose to surrender, I surrendered here in the feeling that I actually wanted to stay and as the border closed, it gave me that uncomfortable feeling of: Do you really, are you really doing this?

And I did.

So I'm still here and there's a way in which I don't want to get stuck here. You know, some people are asking me, are you going to get stuck over there? Well, I kind of want to. And when I just claimed it, I want to be here. That felt really good and it felt right. It felt aligned with my whole body.

And in fact, it's quite a safe place for me to be considering my circumstances here. And what you're hearing is the Pacific Ocean, the waves crashing against some rocks. You might be hearing some birds here and there. There are lots of pelicans that make their dive, their beaks go straight into the water to catch the fish. It's so fun to watch, delightful.

Today, it's sunny but with a soft, hazy, clear sky look across the water.

So I'm hoping that this ocean sends you whatever you need in this great mystery of what's happening for us as a collective and for you individually, just imagining all of the mystery underneath the waters and how the ocean washes ashore back and forth and cleans up what it needs to all on its own and houses the depths.

What an extraordinary time we are living in and right now, people are experiencing all sorts of things. It's a giant range. I've heard people feeling the best they've ever felt in 10 years. And I've heard people are experiencing really scary, painful experiences like their loved ones getting sick, losing their job. We see the headlines in the news and for many that feeds the fear, it makes it build inside. And what I like to do is just slow down and pause, and feel where that fear is really coming from, is it mine or is it the collective? And see what you want to do with that?

If you want to release the collective fear, the collective emotions, do so. You can imagine that as color releasing from your body. Notice where that is in your body and release it and if it's yours, see what you want to do with it, you can be with it and be present, really look at it. And if it feels overwhelming, take a break.

When there is a big collective experience like this, there is a giant chance for a reset and lots of messages that can be collectively and personally harvested.

Our interconnectedness is one that many people have spoken about how interconnected we are not just with people, but with the planet and animals and the effect that we each have, and that businesses have and that groups have, countries have on the planet and each other. And we're seeing this play out in a very mass massive effect.

Some people are learning about self-sustainability and going back to the basics, discarding, trimming out the fat, doing only what's essential, maybe learning to cook for the first time. And some people are experiencing a lot of time for self-care, to put themselves first in a way where they experience the world slowing down and freeing them up in this way. But all this can stir. All this that's happening can stir up different fears, beliefs, past life stuff, ancestral stuff, relationships with money, relationships with ourselves, what we're going through with death.

When I think about past life and ancestry, I think about all the things that we have gone through as a collective. I think about what my specific ancestry has gone through. I think about the wisdom that I've heard through many people in their ancestors, of the things that they've gone through, and how they've been resilient through them.

So our ancestors have gone through stuff like this immigration, war, seeking refuge, death, illnesses, having to be minimalistic, or perhaps even starvation experiences or near starvation.

And the thing is, you're here. If you're listening to this, you are here. You are alive and your ancestry made it. And what this brings me to is the question of what can you draw upon in the wisdom, in the medicine of your ancestry, and the resilience and the strength of your ancestry, to support you in the now, even if it's just being present with them and imagining them, feeling their presence.

I believe that each of us has a very special message, many messages locked within this experience that we're going through and on a deeper spiritual level that we even co-created this to learn something.

The virus says to me, I'm the energy of making radical change. I'll make a sharp and quick impact and accelerate and magnify whatever it is you're already needing to learn, and that you actually deeply know.

So here's a chance to become very present with your real lived experience. And, all the stuff that stirs up because of it that is part of perhaps what's been undigested from the past, in your history of life, whatever wants to be looked at might come up right now. Where you have dependencies and attachments might come up right now and the beliefs underneath that, past life stuff and ancestry stuff might come up, to be looked at, to be integrated, to be brought into the mix of what you can see and be with, and notice within your embodied visceral experience.

So while there are real functional things that need to happen, or that you may need to support you, like yes, get food, yes, wash your hands, and all of those things, when you have a feeling of fear or anxiety or sadness or something, if you stay a little longer, what reveals itself? If you honor the sensations in your body and listen without trying to push it, what happens next?

If you don't take all your thoughts for face value, but witness, what is it like to be in my body with these thoughts?

Then some of these, can begin to digest and integrate, and perhaps it can reveal more for you.

So whatever it is you're experiencing in this time, I wish for you: presence with yourself. I know that we all wish each other to be healthy and I absolutely wish you to be healthy and at peace and well and safe. And if you're not feeling that or if you're not feeling healthy, or you are sick, or someone you know is not well, notice how it's touching you. Perhaps, let it change you. Be with the process, be with the transformation, and experience it in and of itself, for the most part of our human experience.

So I invite you to look whatever it is you're experiencing in the face. And even if it's for just one moment, one breath, that's great. Take a break. Come back and try it again and see what happens.

I'm here today too, if you'd like to take a moment with me and just tune into your specific alignment and what you need to be doing right now, what your focus of energy and attention is, we can do that together.

So I invite you to place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly or see what's right for your body. And with a few breaths, that you notice, if this part isn't on already turned on the part of you that witnesses and observes. Say hello to your body. Just being here in this quiet little moment with yourself.

And now I invite you to look from an outsider perspective at your life, at your soul, and spirit, the span of your soul's life and notice any information that you're given.

Notice what you see, what you're aware of, and how you feel. Go deeper than the emotions that you feel. Get to the core and the source of what it is that you're experiencing even if it means just inviting yourself to go to those origins, and also ask yourself, where is my attention best place right now? How can I best support myself and those that rely on me? What do I deeply know is for me to do here and now?

If there's anything for you to write down to take note of, feel free to do that so that you're reminded of it as we close our time here today on the podcast.

And as we do close, just send you a sense of peace and grounding, and the reminder to touch into beauty and what's going well, so touching into beauty, what's beautiful in your life right now, whether that's something in your emotional relational life. Something literally that you can see in the space around you, that gives you a sense of beauty. And if there's nothing, you can imagine something that's beautiful. That just helps give your body a sense of safety.

And the second piece being touch into what truly is here right now, that you're alive, that you're breathing. And if you are having trouble breathing, if you have some symptoms, notice how much your body can breathe, focus on what's going well and just take it in. Allow your selves and your energy to connect with that and then go tackle the hard stuff.

So, as we close today, just wishing you all that sense of presence with yourself with whatever's coming through, and what you're here to do right now, what is in alignment for you.

And I want to send a shout out to all those that are out there in the health care world, supporting others. A thank you to all of you, to the scientists, to the people that are running grocery stores. Also, to all the parents out there who are toughing it out at home with their little ones. That's not always easy.

And in some ways, many of all of you that I mentioned are working double time where others are resting and trying to find something to do with their time. So we have very different experiences here all across the board.

And lastly, if you want some more resources to support what you're feeling right now, to work through anything you're experiencing, I recommend a few podcasts, parts work, working with the different parts of you at CandiceWu.com/partswork. The episode on overwhelm and polyvagal theory, to help you feel grounded and resilient through this time. That's at CandiceWu.com/overwhelm. And also, the episode on emotions and the experientials that go with it that support taking breaks, resourcing strength that's at CandiceWu.com/emotions. And there are so many million resources out there of people and wellness practitioners that are offering meditation, yoga, writing, all sorts of things. If you just take a peek and open to whatever it is you need it's likely out there.

Thanks so much for joining me today. And again, I'm wishing you all the presence with yourself that you can possibly have, and with your loved ones with what's happening.

And I'll leave you with a little anecdote that I recall vaguely from a documentary I saw a long time ago. I think it was about the Dalai Lama or monks or Buddhism.

And there was a monk with a group of people and this car was beeping, this car alarm was going off.

“Beep. Beep.”

And it was utterly annoying and it was going on and on for a long time and I heard the monk just saying over and over: The beep is reminding us to be present, the beep is reminding us to be present.

So I want to leave you with that thought that everything you're experiencing is reminding you to be present.

Thanks so much for joining me today and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
Hello everyone, welcome back to the Embody Podcast. It's great to have you here. Today, you might hear some extra sounds of Mexico City, even though I'm underneath my blanket fort lodged between a dresser and a bed, with the blankets overhead and all the windows closed and curtains shut. The sounds are still totally infused here and at any moment you might hear someone yelling tacos, enchiladas, tamales or a siren might go off, or a truck door might slam, dogs barking, what else, music or just random conversations. So, if you do hear that, just know that that's the pulse of Mexico City arriving to you now, and of course, the birds chirping, which is a lovely background.

Mexico City has been my hub for the last three weeks. I'm going on my fourth week here in Mexico and I'm absolutely loving it. If you've been listening in, you know, I've been to Oaxaca, and I've also spent some time with horses at a Hacienda outside of Mexico City. And last week and weekend I spent time at the hot springs at Las Grutas De Tolantonga and De Gloria or La Gloria, it was gorgeous, and I got to soak in the mineral waters.

By the weekend, though, it was wild with families and lots of kids. And, what I wasn't told about the best place to stay in that area was that at 6 AM, I would be woken up by the alarm clock of screaming kids, but it was a beautiful time and the sun was great, everything was just gorgeous, these waterfalls and cascades and being in these caves of the Grutas. The only thing is that I kind of suffered because I get really cold and the weather was cold, while the water was hot, I wouldn't say hot, kind of warm for me getting out of the water, I was just shivering the whole time. But it was gorgeous.

If you want to see some pictures of that you can check out my Instagram, especially the story feed. Just click on Mexico and travel. You'll see some of those pictures there.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

So we have a couple of weeks left on the Skillshare class that I'm offering for free on dreamwork and how to prepare and support your body in being able to remember your dreams the best, how to record your dreams and recall them, and support your nervous system in the playful, imaginative space that dreaming and dreamwork requires. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/dreamclassone.

If you've ever wondered, how can you recall your dreams or improve upon your memory with your dreams, this class might be for you. And as you hop on to Skillshare you can sign up for a free membership if you don't already have one and that class is offered for free right now until March 10th 2020.

So today's episode is a{Live} now episode, which means that I'm just going to be talking about what's alive for me now and what's been going on for me, the themes of my life, challenges, and before we start, I'd encourage you to check in with yourself, sense how you're doing and check-in with what's alive now for you. So let's take a moment and do that together.

Knowing that every moment is a fresh moment, every moment's evolving. So as you just arrive here, in a quiet moment with yourself, notice what there is to notice and feel where your heart is, where your mind is and your body. Notice if there are any struggles or things weighing on you. Notice what you need, what you want, and something that's been highlighted for me is noticing where my body feels like doing something would be like moving a boulder or a certain thing or activity or task feels like it's just so hard. Sometimes that feeling is quiet. So check in with all the things of your life and notice if anything tugs on you in that way and where you sense that in your body and whatever is here, just honor that. Respect yourself and appreciate what came through.

A couple of weeks ago, I did a podcast about proprioceptive writing, which is a tool that I learned at a retreat recently. So some of this stuff that came up for you today might be really nice to do some writing with. You can check that episode out at CandiceWu.com/proprioceptivewriting.

And for today, let's jump into the episode.

So as many of you know, when I began my trip, before I began my trip to Mexico, I had to work through some fears about Mexico, fears of my own safety, and fears of what could happen. There are so many ways that the media tells us what could happen in Mexico and had to sort all that out for myself. What was the media? What was not true? What is my own vibration? And what does that attract? What am I really afraid of?

And as I arrived here, I have been met with so much care and love. Just in about three hours alone, I was offered to have dinner with two families next to the river at the Grutas. I was given free soup because this one man had a crush on me wanted me to be his girlfriend. And then, I was invited to travel back from Tonga to Mexico City, which is about a five-hour drive with a family that had a car. Otherwise, for me, it would have taken a shuttle and then figuring out where the bus was and taking that bus home. But the adventure with this family ended up with a really nice meal and dancing, salsa dancing at the restaurant, and ended with a night of dancing as well at a different place, salsa place that night in the city.

So I need friends and also felt like people here really know how to bring you into their families. There's this openness that I don't experience as much in the United States just, you're part of our family now, come eat dinner with us.

So while I've been receiving that from the people, I've also been receiving the energies of the different places that I visited. The energies of the hot springs were beautiful, clear, and magical energies, very calming and it brought me the sense of flow of being in myself, being at home in myself, and sitting into my own energy while allowing the flow of things to come.

And what I do when I'm in a place is I meditate and I cycle the energies through my body and also give to the space what might be needed that I have and allow it to integrate with my energy so that essentially I become one with that and take it with me as much as possible.

Do you have a place that gives you just the right feeling that you really need right now? Especially if it's been a place you've been to, you can really integrate that in a way that seems more solid. However, if you've really developed your imagination and your imaginal skills, then it doesn't really matter. You can imagine that place and resource at any time, but it is with you and your body.

Many of you know I've also challenged myself to surrender to my intuition to follow the whims of it and to trust it no matter what and that led me to some interesting experiences, it led me to making friends. It led me to not knowing where I'm going into days, but trusting it and then allowing things to matriculate and come to fruition. And it felt really good.

What can sometimes happen to me, with my intuition is that I ignore it for some time. If it's something that seems to rub up against structures or things that I've created or ways that things are, and maybe I don't want to face that, then I can ignore it. Or, I can just kind of keep pushing through overriding or bypassing that sense in me.

So what I recently found with that is kind of some big news to me, and it might be for some of you who are regular listeners.

What I found is that I need to take a short hiatus from the podcast. Well, shorter, not I don't actually know. But the guidance that I'm getting is that I need to take a break and to let myself have total freedom from the timing that I have decided for myself, that I publish this every Monday.

I need to reset my relationship with the podcast. It has been such a wonderful experience, to do the podcast and then to receive feedback, to know that it has trickled into many places and supported me and making connections that some of you all have reached out to me and shared your thoughts or reached out for sessions. It's been fabulous.

And in fact, I forgot to mention it but earlier in February, I believe it was the fourth, was the podcast's two year birthday. So the podcast is now a toddler.

And as every parent knows, when you have a toddler, you also need a break. You need a vacation, you need someone to help you through it so that you can have some time off.

So that's what's happening for me now, and it was a bit hard to admit.

The sense was this weight, like, I was carrying a boulder. It's like, Okay, the next episode needs to be completed by this date and I'm not ready or the sound quality in this space that I'm at is not good enough. You know, even as I speak, I can hear trucks roaring by, but for me, that was just really a sign that I needed to let it go for now and allow my soul, allow what's inside of me to unfold, because maybe I just need a break and some new energy or maybe there's something else my attention and energy needs to be placed into.

Maybe I just need a rest. Maybe some other format of the podcast is meant to emerge. But I won't know until I do it. And it was tricky because I also had a podcast guest set up. And I really love this person. And I hope to have them on the podcast later. At least, that's all I can feel now. But it didn't feel right to do it today and this week, in anytime in the near future.

So do you have anything like that in your life where you feel like you really need to make a certain choice to either let go, end something or start something and the structure of what you've had in place seems to be the way you push through or the way that you just keep going with and there's this little nudge in you or a bit of pressure when you think about or picture doing the thing that you want to do or the thing that you're supposed to do?

If you haven't little tension or constriction or nudge, that's probably your body trying to say something. And it doesn't always mean to let it go. But maybe there's fear. Maybe there's a message that says, this isn't for you now, even though it was before.

So for me, the podcast has just been excellent and just this wonderful platform of connection and sharing, and for me to grow. I really honor it and thank the podcast itself for coming to life. And I thank all of you for listening and receiving me and for even giving me critical feedback at times, helping this to grow into what it needs to grow into. And it's not the end I don't feel it's the end. But I do want to let you know that I will be taking a short break on some weeks because there are still some episodes that are in the pipeline that are fresh.

I have an interview coming up with Dr. Terry Fernandez. And we talk all about polyamory and diving into knowing ourselves as polyamorous beings. So that's coming up.

And as possible that I just feel the inspiration to whip up something on the spot. But I am going to let it come with more spontaneity and freedom without the boundaries and structures that I had created for myself, that I had set for myself for two years.

One of my friends reminded me that we only know what we know, we only know what's connected to what we've experienced and what we can sense now, our knowing is limited to some degree and if we are expanding then we do need to let go of, or not placed too much stronghold on the thinking, the ways that we believe things work right now, and what we believe right now, because it's going to open up the new thing, the expansion, is trying to make its way in. And if we bind ourselves with the thinking that is of the now, we might not receive that.

This is actually connecting with another theme that I've been experiencing.

Before I left and while I first arrived in Mexico, I was feeling a lot of spiritual dismantling, feelings in me breaking down, sloughing off, fear, and coming into more safety, but feelings that would only arrive as words such as, Who am I now, what am I doing in life? What am I doing at all? What is this experience of being human? And those questions were not to be answered. I had enough sense in me to know that, but to be felt through and expressed outward and to find myself through it and to the other side.

And I can't say that I'm on the other side, and all the way through it yet, but it's been helping me to read the book: No Death, No Fear by Thich Nat Han. One thing he said is that if you have a notion about Nirvana, that notion should be removed.

This is a direct quote, if you have a notion about Nirvana, that notion should be removed. Nirvana is empty of all notions, including the notion of Nirvana. If you get caught in the notion of Nirvana, you have not touched your Nirvana yet.

This deep insight and discovery of the Buddha took him beyond fear, beyond anxiety and suffering, and beyond birth and death.

And he also said when you have a match, you have the condition to make a fire. If the flame you make with that match lasts long enough, it will burn up the match. And that match gives rise to the fire but the fire itself burns up the match. And the teaching of impermanence is the same. It helps us to have an awakened understanding of impermanence. And the insight of impermanence is what will burn up our idea of impermanence.

I wanted to read those two excerpts because whatever ideas we do have about truth and who we are, what we're meant to do, or what we're supposed to do, especially, the best thing to do is start to acknowledge those things, and to look for them wherever they emerge, because those are the constructs, such as Nirvana, impermanence, that really bind us to some experience that is not the full expansion of that experience.

Whatever constructs I have, this book has really helped me break down some of them without really even knowing what those are. I was feeling a lot of grief and what I could place it to was this feeling that I missed my mom, I miss my family.

And as I was starting to explain, it will be a Dia De Los Muertos to my mom, and what it is, even though it's not until the fall, October 31st through November 2nd, as I understand it.

I told her that I wanted to come back to Mexico during that time and experience that because it was similar to what Chinese people do with their ancestors is go to the cemetery and bring all the foods they like, bring celebratory, like things to celebrate with, paper money, we bring the money to send to them. We have all the food and drinks they like. We have some that we like and we have this time of eating there and honoring our ancestors.

And I was sharing with my mom that for El Dia de Los Muertos, The Day of the Dead, that it's similar, and Mexicans believe that there's that time where the layer between the spirit world and human worlds or the concrete world is thin, and their ancestors can come and visit them, and they can be together. And they create an altar of all these foods and beautiful artwork, skulls, sugar skulls and other things that call them home.

And when I said that to my mom, that this altar calls them home, I began to cry and I felt like I needed to call my ancestors home. And it's different from feeling like, you know, with Family Constellations work that my ancestors are there. At least something in me clicked where I felt like calling them to me was a different experience than them being there and me going to them or somehow bringing them more into my experience of my body, my home was important here. And I can see my grandparents and their home with me. This is their home in me, in this body. In this experience that I live, they live through my eyes, through my senses, they're in me.

And then I read this lovely quote from Thich Nat Han in the same book, and that is, where is that? Here it is: She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet. Wonderful. Each time my feet touched the earth, I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine alone, but a living continuation of my mother and father, and my grandparents and great grandparents. Of all my ancestors, these feet that I saw as my feet, were actually our feet. Together, my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil.

I love this. This is exactly what I began to feel and it came to me at the right timing.

Well, it actually came to me one night when I was offline, I didn't have good Wi-Fi. And I looked at my computer and said, What do I have on my computer that I can read or watch? And I had this PDF book of No death, No fear. And another excerpt I really liked from the book: If you look at a friend with the eyes of a meditator, you will see in him or her all generations of their ancestors, you will be very respectful to them and to your own body, because you will see their body and your body as the sacred home of all our ancestors. You will also see that our bodies are the source of all future generations.

I love when different wisdom sets overlap, and this is just so beautifully overlapping with the wisdom of Bert Hellinger, of the many who practice Family Constellations.

Our bodies are the living memory of our ancestors, it's the home of our ancestors as Thich Nat Han says. And when I do see another person and I sense and see their ancestry, I see a fullness. I see love. I see that challenges coming through, and where they might originate, the darker pockets of what's unintegrated or where the fears held. I see that I'm not their parents and not responsible for making them happy, but that I can be loved by seeing them.

And this, coming at this time where I was feeling, I missed my mom. I missed my grandparents. I miss my family being with me, brought me a new level of integration.

The loneliness I felt was just these keyholes to allowing me to feel a new sense of belonging and integration with who I am already. The ancestors that are in my being already and that love me.

Early on, I did an episode of basics of Family Constellation, I think it's Episode Five. You can find it at CandiceWu.com/ep5. And it comes with an experiential that invites you to picture your ancestry behind you. And that's that same offering here from Thich Nat Han.

And the last bit that I have been feeling into from his book is about No death, No fear, the sense that if you don't believe there's death or birth, if you look in his description, that there really is no birth and no death, that nothing does die and nothing does ever get born because it all is a continuation. Obviously, this requires a much longer description, but just the sense that when we see something as birthing and coming into form and aliveness, it's just that all the conditions are right for it to show up in this way. But it came from many things and it is a continuation of many other things.

So if you see a flower come into shape and form, and you could imagine or say that it's being birthed, it is because of many factors that allowed it to have what it needed, sufficient conditions to become a flower, had the water, had the soil, had sun, it had a seed, and none of that was created out of nothing. It was already there in many other forms, and then when it dies, it passes into the earth. But that's not really dying, that's a continuation, and with people, that's the same.

And I don't know how I can really totally understand it on one level I do and on another level, there is this sense of birth and death. I can feel like, a concrete or human reality. But something about it was so soothing, his invitation that if you've suffered a loss, the feeling of grief, that someone is gone or not with you anymore, that maybe there is something for you here, in No death, No birth, no death, no fear.

And for me, it just let me grieve more. Let me bring in a new idea and break apart, loosen up old ideas, some of my old ideas to where I can feel even more freedom now.

And the last thing that I got from the book that has been really helping me is this question of, where will I be in 300 years, will this matter?

And so whatever it is that is in front of you, if you just ask yourself, you know, will this matter and even five years? See what the answer is.

It can really bring your values forward, it can bring what matters to light. Maybe that's similar to the Ally with Death experiential. The shaman death, it brings forward in a heightened way, what's important.

And so as I make the choice to take a little break from the podcast, even though I feel it's so important to continue, in some ways, will it matter in five years or 300. Now, what really will matter is the surrender that I am choosing, because this is part of it, this is one big piece of it, that I surrender to the sense of me that says, No, don't do it right now. And I can pick it up anytime I want and that there's something else for me to do, even if that's nothing.

So in this next couple of weeks, I will rerun a couple of episodes that I really like and that might offer you something now. And this is a really good reminder that all the podcast episodes while in the beginning, I do share some more moment to moment what's happening in life, experiences that I'm having.

In general, each episode is a theme that could be everlasting in a way or evergreen, where if you need that energy or some transmission from that specific topic, that it's there for you and it can be timeless.

So I trust that you're guided to any podcast that calls to you. And let's see which ones will be rerun, what I'm guided to.

And also, lookout for that new episode with Terry, with my guest, Terry. And I look forward to sharing with you what happens in the meantime, through this time.

If you want to stay connected with me, I still will be doing my newsletter, here and there, maybe once a month or every couple of weeks. And so that's one way to stay connected or on Instagram with me.

And let's see what emerges here. Let's see how things evolve or take a new shape. Or, maybe just, I'll come with a breath of fresh air.

Thanks so much for listening. All of you out there that are my friends, that are colleagues, that are people that I've never met, but maybe you've sent a message to me, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and I look forward to connecting with you next time that my spirit calls me to record something. S

So as we close today, I'm wishing you all a sense of loving yourself, well-being, peace, being at home in your body, and the courage to look into the notions, belief sets, structures and truths, “truths” that you have decided upon or have been bound to, not that those are bad, and there are some times it really needed. But that if it is time for you to move beyond them, to let the match burn up in the fire, to have that courage to do so and also the loving and the light in order to be able to bring your ancestry home and into your body, sometimes that can bring difficult feelings.

And we can also resource the best of our ancestry, to be at home in our bodies. Let our bodies be the continuation of the many that came before us, the many that obviously did it right for you to exist.

Thanks so much for listening. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.