Candice Wu 0:10

In this episode, I give my first update about my trip to Mexico about some spiritual emergence and crisis that I’m moving through, as well as how to use proprioceptive writing to connect more deeply with yourself and the words that you use, and your unconscious self.

Candice Wu 0:31

This episode contains explicit language and themes that may not be for all audiences.

Candice Wu 0:38

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability offering meditations and guided healing support and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:14

For one month, from February 10th to March 10th of 2020, my dream classes is free on Skillshare. So you can learn all about how to remember and record your dreams, and to uncover and awaken your dream life.

Candice Wu 1:29

This class supports you in building a nervous system that feels safe and embodied enough to play and open into your dream world, plus ways to specifically record your dreams with ease to allow the remembering to come with more ease. So check this out, along with the other Dream classes on Skillshare at CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1.

Candice Wu 1:57

Hello everyone. Welcome back to the Embody Podcast. It’s really interesting to tuned back in here today. I am in Mexico and I have spent about a week in Mexico City, and now I’m in Oaxaca, which is a little more southeast of Mexico City. And, wow, it’s been only a week of me being here, but I feel like I’ve been, in a sense around the world and back.

Candice Wu 2:26

So far, this is my fourth, Airbnb and finally, I have some peace and quiet to be able to podcast. For me, it’s a really interesting thing to look at myself and notice how I’m not completely overwhelmed by the sounds. I’ve had some traumatic experiences with sound and that has very much affected where I’m able to sleep and if there’s noise around me, I don’t sleep well. I get bothered by noises that just are unpleasant or too loud or overwhelming or when I don’t want it. And here, I’ve really embraced the sound to a large degree except for when it comes to podcasting and working with my clients.

Candice Wu 3:16

One of the first things that the first Airbnb host told me was that sound is an essential part of Mexican culture. There is sound to celebrate, there’s sound to communicate and to alert of certain things, different foods, different services, and it’s a part of what holds the heartbeat of the culture it seems. And so, I gathered a mishmash of sounds for you to just tune into. So here’s a blend… [playing sounds of Mexican street life]

Candice Wu 4:15

And lastly, I met a friend who was playing this beautiful guitar music on the streets, in one of the major areas… [playing guitar recorded in the streets]

Candice Wu 4:57

When I heard this music, it reminded me of my father and the guitar he would play when I was younger. So I just stopped and listened and took it all in and recorded it and it since has been really touching me on a deep level and healing my heart in many ways. So shout out to Juan Ignacio who is from Argentina, who is this musician playing his music.

Candice Wu 5:36

My first reaction when I arrived here in Mexico City was that it smelled just like Hong Kong, Indonesia, Chiang Mai all put together with a flair of Spain and Italy, at least in Maroma and like in Bayside area, which I know has that European flavor, but the exhaust, the tropical plants, the smell of different foods and a little bit of sewage, sometimes sounds, it was very heartwarming. And for this whole week, I have met so many kind people that have really held me in this experience.

Candice Wu 6:22

If you listened to the podcast a couple of weeks ago, about solo travel and some of my fears, you probably know that I had to break down some of the fears that I had about coming here around safety. And once I got here, all of those fears just dissolved, granted, I was in pretty safe locations comparatively, but that’s part of it, you know.

Candice Wu 6:48

In Chicago, where I live for 10 years, where many of you all listening are living as well, there are some areas that you just wouldn’t walk down the street in the dark alone or, you might just be a little more careful in certain areas just because you don’t know what’s going on there or maybe it’s unfamiliar, but there are places like that all over the United States that we would just be careful of. And it was just the same exact thing here. And by and large, people were just so friendly, wanting to connect with me. They’re curious about me, and I think because I’m Chinese, they don’t really know what to make of me. They don’t know where I’m from. They’re curious about what language I speak, and quite delighted when I speak any broken Spanish at all.

Candice Wu 7:43

I was really shy at first. I had been practicing with different podcasts, but once I got here, I was just like, I can’t follow what people are saying, it’s going too fast and it took a little bit to be — a little bit of courage to speak up and ask for what I needed, asked for them to slow down or let them know I couldn’t speak very much Spanish just a little bit, but that has been very well received and the smiles that I receive, the mannerisms of kindness here, I’m really appreciating.

Candice Wu 8:26

The biggest thing here, for me, is that I feel like parts of my soul are coming alive. The food, the sounds, as I mentioned, the people, the colors everywhere, the community, the aliveness, and the movement. It’s beautiful and very soulful. I haven’t got myself to try the crickets. I don’t really think I will. But, the Malays, the corn, I don’t eat corn at home or tortillas, but here, I’m eating that and it feels like a really nice, sacred connection to the land, to the people, the heart of people.

Candice Wu 9:08

So while all this is happening, and I’m discovering this place, it is just so happening that I am feeling through another layer of existential emergence or existential crisis, spiritual crisis, whatever you want to call it. It feels like a breaking down of ego, a breaking down of who I feel I am or who I thought it was, and a lot of grief, some anger, some sadness, some longing, and the questions, well, the thoughts that emerge into questions come in this form: Who am I anymore? What am I doing here like, in life in the world? What’s going on? What am I here for?

Candice Wu 10:01

And while all these questions are emerging, I feel that they’re not really to be answered functionally and if they will be answered, they will be through a revealing and through an allowing and emerging. But so far, those are just the words that are coming up with the feelings in the body and feels like I’m just sloughing off a lot of different layers that I don’t need anymore, and letting that surrender that I, so desired happen, letting myself come into more joy and delight and playfulness, and that has been my experience here.

Candice Wu 10:40

I know that astrologically a lot of people are going through different challenging experiences, different layers of themselves, whether or not you follow that. I’m curious where you’re at and how you’re feeling in yourself. What is the experience of your life right now?

Candice Wu 11:00

So, I invite you to take a moment and tune into that here together with me and with all those listening, just taking a moment to listen in word and feel the sensations in your body and what it’s like to be in your body now. And what is the theme of your life at the moment? What are you looking at spiritually or very functionally? And is there anything you need in your life right now to support you or make it a little bit more comfortable?

Candice Wu 12:01

Okay, so this inner listening just brings us to the main topic today which is proprioceptive writing.

Candice Wu 12:08

I recently went on a proprioceptive writing retreat at Hope Springs Institute, which is in Peebles, Ohio, way out in the boondocks, in this wonderful, gorgeous space held by nature. This space is created by Suzanne Stevens, in her vision of creating a spiritual center, a place where people can really find respite and connect with each other, connect with a deeper sense of themselves. That’s my perception of her, her space and what she’s offering. And here, she hosted Mary Bach, who does an annual proprioceptive writing retreat there at Hope Springs.

Candice Wu 12:58

This way of essentially journaling, or tuning in, has given me just another aspect, another way to integrate my experience and the ways that I already know how to tune in intuitively, it has offered me a deeper connection with myself, a feeling that I’m filling up this space in my body, and that I exist and embrace my existence. I feel surer of myself and I feel more present, loving to myself, as well as a deeper and more open space to be loving to others and to see others in their experience and their freedom with a clear boundary.

Candice Wu 13:52

So let me back up and explain a little bit about what proprioceptive writing is, at least to the degree that I’ve learned it and what I have experienced.

Candice Wu 14:03

Proprioceptive writing was coined by Linda Metcalf and Tobin Simon and it’s a way to listen in word, write down what you hear, and then ask yourself, what do I mean by, and whatever word seems to have some energy or tickles you in a certain way, or has a resonance? And then as you ask, what do I mean by this word, what do I mean by, then you listen again and let this stream of consciousness flow through.

Candice Wu 14:40

Proprioception is the perception and awareness of the physical position and movement of your body in space. So the sense that you know where your body is, and different parts of your body are, the awareness inside.

Candice Wu 14:58

So the combination of proprioceptive writing is this idea that we are moving knowledge, the words that we use carry knowledge from our experience. So our language set, our vernacular, the way we use certain words, is all rooted in our own wisdom, our experience, through our personal lives, societal, cultural, collective, and archetypal experience, and past life and lineage, all the dimensions and other dimensions that I have not named.

Candice Wu 15:34

There are ways that experience cannot be put into words but when we do take the time to let the words come through or any a semblance of words and sensation, or intuitive or appropriate receptive experience come through, then we get a chance to define things as much as it actually is possible. And that would be a quite endless process to let all words come to their fruition of meaning for us. But it’s a really fun experience and it was so deepening and it’s something that I’m going to be using for all sorts of things. But, the best thing that I found about it was to do the process of writing and then share it with the group, which was incredibly healing and powerful and validating.

Candice Wu 16:35

And just another thought, because I’m in Mexico and I’m using some Spanish, I’ve often noticed that being in another culture that has a different language set has a frequency that I need to plug into and as I plug into the language, I plug more into the frequency of shared knowledge, of connection, of the way interaction happens. And then, there becomes a sense of built-in meaning, and it can feel when I use certain Spanish words versus when someone else that is native there or has lived there uses that word, it carries something energetically different. For me, it’s a lot more flat because it’s a newer word.

Candice Wu 17:24

So, what do we mean by the words we use? What does each word carry? What does your name carry? What does mom or dad, work? Love? Play? Listening.

Candice Wu 17:45

Any word that you find interesting, what does that come with and not to use this type of writing as a thinking process? But one of — what do I mean by and letting the words come to you, letting the information be received by your listening and observational ear.

Candice Wu 18:09

So this inner listening is the heart of proprioceptive writing and it’s not so different from a lot of the different healing experientials that I’ve offered here or the type of listening inward that I do for myself that I support others in doing. But it is different when you write it down and it’s hard because there’s this weird interaction of having to slow down or allow the — what’s being — what’s coming forward to slow down enough so that it can be written down.

Candice Wu 18:48

And I have found there’s this weaving in and out of different parts of me coming forward. So different parts of me may be speaking and then another part and another part, but this sensing inward, intuiting, channeling, even perhaps, excavating, following the energy, all that is a part of this process.

Candice Wu 19:10

And as I’ve worked with this, just in these last couple of weeks, I’ve even found myself using words more particularly, but not in a belabored way more so in a way that I feel more connected with the word that I’m saying. I’m more personally connected and I feel that this process can lend itself to speaking in a more powerfully resonant and energetic way.

Candice Wu 19:39

I liked that Mary Bach said that we’re looking into every corner, and it’s like taking your eye towards people and looking through and just seeing everything you can see. And what I’m really left with, is this feeling of what is satisfying to me and what do I mean, and what comes through doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else, even when I read it to someone else, when I read it in the group, none of it had to make sense. It didn’t need to be understandable. And that was incredibly freeing because it just didn’t have to make any sense. None of it did. But it meant something to me and it touched something in me. And when I read it out loud, it gave me a feeling of showing up and being seen, especially in things that were more vulnerable, as well as I was more seen to myself, letting a group receive what just came — stream of consciousness — to me, was bringing me to the emotion more powerfully.

Candice Wu 20:51

So the process goes like this, listening to Baroque music for about 20 minutes, lighting a candle in front of you, just allowing that to be a part of the ritual of creating this time and space where this inner listening is to be had and to be received.

Candice Wu 21:14

So if you’d like to try this, you can pull up some Baroque music on YouTube or Spotify or whatever platform you use and set a timer for 20 minutes. You can even invite a friend to do this with you either in the same room or across distance online.

Candice Wu 21:37

And take a couple of breaths as you light the candle and as you ground and feel into your body, as you feel the space that your body is taking up, and after a couple of breaths, listen to any thoughts, words or sense of communication that’s coming through and begin to write. And just let the flow happen as you write down whatever it is that’s coming through without any filter, without any need to make it sound in a certain way, just how it is.

Candice Wu 22:22

And anytime you have a word that just tickles you a bit or stands out, or has more energy to it or calls your attention, pause there and write down: “What do I mean by” and that word that stood out to you. And then listen again and continue writing, recording whatever is heard from inside and whenever that exhausts itself, you can ask that question again and write it down, “What do I mean by” and check out a new word. And it can be a word that comes to you or word within what was just written.

Candice Wu 23:15

And if you feel like you’re getting stuck here in this thinking mode or blocked here, you don’t hear anything or you’re just writing the same thing over and over again, just allow that to happen, notice it. And the teacher of the retreat, Mary Bach would say, to go back to the thing that you touched upon right before you got blocked or you felt stuck, and that there was something there for you that maybe got glossed over or you missed a word that has some vibrancy, and just check out if anything pops up now. And there’s no expectation. There’s nothing to pressure yourself about. It doesn’t have to sound good.

Candice Wu 23:59

So relieving yourself of all that might be part of letting the flow happen and within what can come through, it is a bit like free association. It’s like, whatever is connected with that word might come up to you and things might be surprising, or things might feel ordinary, like, these are your thoughts every day. It doesn’t matter. Just let it all be recorded and observed, and just continue.

Candice Wu 24:32

And when the 20 minutes is up, your timer is up or the music stops, if you have a way to allow the music to just stop at 20 minutes, then finish the thought or sentence you’re on and write down, “How do I feel right now?” The question itself, and then answer the question.

Candice Wu 24:55

And just making an observational note about how you feel now.

Candice Wu 25:04

When I’ve done Dreamwork, I’ve often asked my dream, or the parts of my dream, different questions. So going back into the dream and tuning in, maybe there’s a car in the dream or certain person or a flower, anything, and I talked to that part, and the way that I do that is I write a question with my dominant hand, like, “What message do you have for me?” And then I answer with my non-dominant hand.

Candice Wu 25:38

This often offers the most powerful, poignant, simple, and profound information. So it seems to distill it and it’s coming from a different place we’re so used to writing with our dominant hand. And using the non-dominant hand is accessing parts of us that aren’t typically are more normally conditioned. And that’s something you can use in this process as well, if you want to try doing the proprioceptive writing with your non-dominant hand, it can offer a whole different experience.

Candice Wu 26:17

I recently did this experience with my sister and my mother and it was incredibly powerful. So it wasn’t the way we normally spoke to each other and the topics that came through, actually, each of us were connecting on certain themes, death, our family, moments of life, how we want to live life, those themes were emerging and yet, we each had such a different perspective. And I don’t know that in a conversation, these words or sentiments might have come through in such a pure way. And what I mean specifically is actually after we finished writing, and wrote how we felt on the piece of paper, we took time to read it to each other, which is what I did at the retreat as well.

Candice Wu 27:11

And each of us read what we had written all the way through and if something could be really hurtful to the other person, we were giving ourselves permission to skip that, just so the process can be really safe for each other and that it can be safe to yourself when — whatever wants to come through, wants to come through.

Candice Wu 27:41

And so we read each full piece out loud and then the other people get to react to it, but mostly share any other words that struck them for the reader to continue their exploration.

Candice Wu 28:03

So for example, my sister caught on to certain words for me that I wrote down then and took with me and it gave me some feedback as to what was striking her and resonating with her for me, and what might have some energy for me to continue to listen into.

Candice Wu 28:29

So this next segment of the podcast, I’ll share some of the themes that I had been working with during the retreat and what spilled into my life thereafter, as well as I will read a couple of excerpts from my writing, just to give you a sense of the experience for me. And keep in mind if you do use this process as a tool or try it or play with it, that your experience, your words, your stream of consciousness might sound completely different. And that’s what I found with my sister and mom, as well as the different people in the retreat itself.

Candice Wu 29:15

So if there’s any part of you that has that inclination to compare or have a sort of right way to do it, it’s just not relevant. And what is satisfying to you, as I mentioned earlier, what is coming to you and interesting to you, what is being heard from inside of you, that’s what’s important.

Candice Wu 29:36

So some of the themes that I was working with were sensuality, intimacy, and using these words in particular, remember, extract, erotic, dragon, sleep, tiredness, father, mother, baby, embarrassment, procure, manufacturer, wounds, choke, freedom, flexible belonging, fuck, uterus, kindness, descent, immigration, trauma, pleasure, trust, shadow.

Candice Wu 30:24

And what was really cool about this process was that using the names of people, the word for a friend of mine or a previous lover? “What do I mean by” and their name can bring up a whole experience that helps some sort of integration happen and reveals what’s there about it and also allowed me to look at some of my shadow parts like what are the associations with certain words, then we know what’s loaded into a word when we use it, what unconscious feeling is there, which reveals itself to consciousness?

Candice Wu 31:09

So here’s a piece from my third write?

Candice Wu 31:13

Sleep. What is sleep? A time of quiet rest into a space of nothingness and everything. My dad would disrupt my sleep. This caused so much torture for me all my life. But why does my uncle have the same issue? Did I repeat this experience? Where is the origin of this experience of torture for us? It has a feel of long before us.

Candice Wu 31:42

And another piece, what do I mean by intimacy, being in touch with what is touching the moment? One with the moment, embarrassment, guilt, sweetness, sadness, all, tenderness with it all. No hiding truth. Visual congruence with unseen but layers of this being in contact, the sensuality of the existence we have.

Candice Wu 32:11

And as I asked myself, what do I mean by sensuality, different words came up, but then more personal experiences came up, some sensual experiences that I had had recently that were bringing me into more intimacy and vulnerability, pleasure, sexuality.

Candice Wu 32:31

And so these were some really vulnerable pieces that I shared within the group and that was kind of exciting.

Candice Wu 32:38

And here’s the piece that I wrote later in the retreat, and I use my non-dominant hand, for me my left hand and this is what came through. You are a dragon from another dimension. You read light, digest energy easily because we’re so connected with the land.

Candice Wu 33:01

What do I mean dragon? Breathes fire, playful, flies, scales, wings, long tail, funny, and majestic all at once. From where? Another world. Does not have word name. It is a knowing — dragon tribe.

Candice Wu 33:23

What do I mean by tribe? Bonded to others in a group. This was the most free way to be in a tribe because I was so big I had a lot of place to travel and to wander but stayed near enough, we could communicate from far.

Candice Wu 33:41

So that piece I felt like I was channeling and connecting with some information about me being a dragon in another life and being in this multidimensional experience. Maybe it wasn’t another life, I’m not really sure but another part of me and I do feel another part of me is in this dragon part of me.

Candice Wu 34:08

And it continued, what do I mean dragon? A baby still growing, a toddler now, at one time I died. But I can live on different or is it simultaneous to now? It is now, I suppose. Deeply free and powerful, no need to prove yourself.

Candice Wu 34:29

What do I mean by prove? Do something to provide evidence that my human form has often felt the need to do.

Candice Wu 34:39

The Ugly Duckling is a human story but some get left behind and die and they just do prove to have felt the need to do things to be enough and worthy.

Candice Wu 34:52

Social media tugs on this, it seems to be the currency, achieve, do, show. This is what I’m doing, “how to be with this.” Look at the parts that are up.

Candice Wu 35:06

And then I’ll just read one more piece and this was the most vulnerable piece that I had written and I felt like I was breaking through some unspoken taboos, that was just my felt sense, which was not necessarily confirmed or not confirmed. But I do have a history in my lineage of sensing when certain topics are taboo, especially sex.

Candice Wu 35:40

So that was a similar feeling and similar to feelings I’ve had when I’ve done — when I’ve been part of group relations, work, or Tavistock group work, where the topic of sexuality is in the room like there — people are feeling it to some degree or something’s happening around it and reactions and defenses are coming up so that’s not felt, not talked about.

Candice Wu 36:14

And so, here I am in like, the fifth write. I think it was the night before the last day. And this is what comes up.

Candice Wu 36:26

Fuck. It’s fuck that wants to be here. What do I mean by fuck? Red energy, aka anger, sometimes, and other times passionate, forceful, something that intrudes for a reason, for desire or for boundaries and decent to keep away, to express a feeling of frustration and exasperation, to have sex with passion, to be filled up to the point of intensity. We’re all women here. At least that’s how I think we’re identifying and just as a point of reference that was at the retreat, and it feels dangerous in a way to approach fucking yet, isn’t it a part of us often?

Candice Wu 37:10

This act of fucking or sex? What power does it have? A putting together, remembering provoked physically if it is wanted, I guess or maybe even not, that’s a whole other can of worms `sigh or am I writing this because I have new relationship energy? Is it a relationship? What is it? It is kind of one. It’s what I want right now. The mystery and the pleasure, the joy, and yes, the fuck. But there’s much more than that. Am I done now? You’re not done with me. Okay, what? It’s not soft, it’s forceful and it’s assertive. Know what I want kind of energy. Maybe I can bring this more into my life for fun, for pleasure, joy. Yes. Why not? Not tucked away or unspoken, like it was in my family, and how it can be in my culture, not even a look or holding hands, or it means you must marry. Well, fuck that.

Candice Wu 38:14

Okay, I think we’re done now. And then I moved on to the question, what do I mean by liberation?

Candice Wu 38:23

So that’s all for what I’ll share today. I hope this was interesting for you. It’s actually quite freeing for me when certain things are hard to talk about or maybe they do feel like they have some sort of power in a room or with people I’m sharing with. As soon as I do share it, I feel like I’ve claimed it. And I’ve claimed that I’m more powerful than the themes or the words or the things that are going on. I’m the part witnessing and that topic doesn’t have power over me, or at least there’s this negotiation of that at times where maybe it feels like it has some power and speaking it truthfully decreases and dissolves that.

Candice Wu 39:12

So liberation. What do I mean by liberation?

Candice Wu 39:19

If you are inspired or compelled to practice this, I encourage you to try it or to take a proprioceptive writing retreat or to get the book that is written by the founders of the work. I will link that on the show notes where you can find Hope Springs Institute as well as Mary Bach and Suzanne Stevens.

Candice Wu 39:44

And whether or not you know what you’re doing, just try it if you want to, it’s really just listening in and not driving the car, but watching the train go by and writing it down.

Candice Wu 39:59

I know that this is a verbal experience, bringing some unconscious, unspoken stuff, some felt sense stuff to the surface into words and I’ve struggled with the fact that not everything can be put into words. And we just recognize that and allow for what can come through. And if pictures want to come through, then that can be a very powerful experience too.

Candice Wu 40:30

So, I encourage you to play with it and just see what works for you and if you have questions, feel free to reach out to me and I’ll do the best to answer them according to my experience, and in the next couple of weeks, I will be continuing on my travels. I don’t know where I’m going next. So in about four days, I will be likely leaving Oaxaca, but unsure of the next destination which is a little bit uneasy for me, but I think I’m okay with it right now. We’ll see what happens.

Candice Wu 41:09

It makes me a little uneasy to not know if I’ll have good Wi-Fi to do my quiet work because I love my clients and I don’t like to disrupt that process. But other than that, I’m really just in that surrender mode of, “Okay, show me where I’m supposed to go next and what unfolds for me, what I meant to be doing here.”

Candice Wu 41:38

And along with that, the spiritual emergence and stuff that is coming through and opening my heart up and breaking me open into grief and some vulnerable, creative, pink center of my heart. I’ll keep you posted on that too.

Candice Wu 42:01

Thanks so much for tuning in today. I hope this was interesting for you and wishing you all very well. And that sense of what is satisfying to you. What do you mean by certain words, what do you mean in your life, really feeling into your own energy and body that already exists.

Candice Wu 42:23

Before you go, I’d invite you to sign up for my newsletter that goes out once or twice a month and updates you on podcasts, retreats, workshops, self-love notes and updates about me and travel as well. You can sign up for that at CandiceWu.com/embody. Thanks so much for listening and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 0:00

We’ve all cried and laughed, and I think that you can only do that when your spinning safe in the group that you’re showing that space with.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 0:05

I should remember — that on the plane ride home, I was just journaling, like as much as possible and trying to capture as much of the feeling and the emotions and the insights and all the stuff because I knew that once I got back to regular life, I could remember it, and I would be able to hold it even though regular life was going to happen.

Candice Wu 0:16

This episode gives you an inside look at the Soul Body Women’s Retreat of October 2018 with special guests straight from the retreat itself and gives you a little taste of what a 5-night immersion retreat can do for you.

Candice Wu 0:30

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:39

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:18

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the body podcast. It’s really great to have you here. I wanted to give you just a quick update about where I am right now. I am sitting watching the sunset on the coast of Costa del Sol, which is on the southern coast of Spain. I’m a bit outside of Marbella, between Malaga and Marbella in this little village called, Benalmádena. I have been in Spain for a few weeks, it has been a really interesting experience.

Candice Wu 1:26

I love Spain because of the character, little villages and just a small-town feel set right in the mountains and the water here. I love the food, the Tapas, and also the language which I’m still learning, Spanish. It’s tricky to communicate sometimes because they don’t know that much. I can say more than I can hear. Because people often speak really quickly for me, but I’m enjoying that learning process.

Candice Wu 2:09

It has been a bit tricky to go from place to place in search of a more long term stay. And for me, the long term is like over a month. I’d like to stay with my partner here for about six weeks, at this point, it’s coming down to five now. But finding a place here is not as easy as it was in Chiang Mai, Thailand when I was there. Here, most people want long term stays, or it’s looking at Airbnb. But I think that in some other places that more nomadic people are like, Tarifa, there will be something for us.

Candice Wu 2:57

I’ve been able to do a little bit of riding, horseback riding and that’s been wonderful. But what happened during my second ride was I wasn’t used to this very large horse and also not used to cantering. So the combination of the two, I went a little too quickly for my lesson and I ended up falling off twice, which is really interesting to fall and to know the mechanics in a sense of the nervous system, and how the nervous system might be taking it or what I might need in that experience, to help my nervous system not hold this in as traumatic and to let that whatever fear response in my body to complete so that I don’t take that with me, and until the next experience.

Candice Wu 3:48

So I spent some time working with the falls and they weren’t too bad, which is good. But at some point, I would like to work with another practitioner, a fellow practitioner or colleague or someone I can find out here to just do a little extra work with it, to make sure that that’s resolved. Because I did feel a lot of fear come up.

Candice Wu 4:11

I did work with my own healing coach, and, in not specifically somatic ways, but what came up afterward was a lot of past life trauma, actually. And some people have asked me, how do I know it’s a past life trauma? I don’t really know until I know and I had this sort of sense of why am I so terrified? Why is this bringing up so much fear? It’s like, seemed like more fear than what was warranted.

Candice Wu 4:42

But when I was working with my healer, it came up and she had asked me, do you feel like this is from a past life? And as soon as I said, Yes, like all of this emotion, just like flooded my body and move through true, which was very validating to the fact that it did seem like a past life.

Candice Wu 5:05

I’d love to talk about this experience a little more in a future podcast and working that up right now. But I just wanted to give you a little sense of what I’ve been doing here, beyond horseback riding and adjusting and trying to find a place. I’ve been still podcasting and working with my clients, one on one online, as well as just taking in the scenery here and enjoying, actually all the unexpected things that are happening, including, just this big dog walking up to me at the moment as we speak. He’s one of the dogs that live on this property. So all sorts of spontaneous and unpredictable things here do trigger me a lot and it’s just quite an adjustment. Every time I go to a new place to work with whatever comes up and to release even more attachment to the things that I am attached to.

Candice Wu 6:08

I had said it in my newsletter, I will not sacrifice the timing of working with my clients and the internet quality as I’m working with them online. And so a lot of these unexpected things seem to rub up against that and I even had a flight cancellation recently, which threw off my entire schedule by three days. And I worked around my clients to figure out the next flight. So it’s quite an adventure and ongoing learning.

Candice Wu 6:41

So aside from my adventures here and my travels, I want to share about the Soul Body Women’s Retreat, which happened a couple of weeks ago. I am just so happy to be able to share this with you. And that some of the retreat members are going to be a guest on this podcast. They have given me their feedback and it’s lovely to hear, especially given what I intended for this retreat, and what we all wanted coming into the retreat.

Candice Wu 7:10

So let’s talk about the retreat.

Candice Wu 7:14

The retreat was six days and five nights right inside Zion National Park. It was literally inside the park, set in the mountains, on private property, with a villa owned by a couple named Hank and Angie, and it was called True North villa. I love the name of the villa because the theme about it was that everyone finds their own true north and that every North that you find is true to you, which was exactly what this whole retreat was about. It was about finding yourself, being in alignment with you, and living from the space of your own mystery and magic, your own light and brilliance.

Candice Wu 7:56

So, already from the beginning, it was synchronous and just touching. And as we stepped into the villa, there were tons of drums of all kinds, crystals everywhere, like, I can’t even believe how many crystals were there, every corner of the space was touched with beauty.

Candice Wu 8:20

I chose this space very intuitively and something in me just knew when I saw the pictures of the place that this would be just right. Something about the bridging of Hopi tribe, as well as Mormons in that area in the history of Zion National Park, the bridging of consciousness and religion, the diversity of those two cultures together, brought a very special meaning to the place and it felt like an incredibly rich land. It was very red. So it brought us right to the root of our bodies where that depth and richness of land and earth in connection with the sky, in connection with our spirituality, our body, and spirit.

Candice Wu 9:10

So Soul Body was the name of the retreat and part of this theme was that we work with all the aspects of the soul, all of soul karma, or the tendencies of who we are over history, past life, as well as ancestry to complete what’s there, only what’s necessary in order for us to be truly in touch and aligned with our spirit which is clear of any soul history and desire that’s based in past experience, and is very present and creative in this moment. So this earth and sky magical place, these mountains and open-air just lent itself to the magic of the healing and transformation that each of the women wanted on this retreat.

Candice Wu 10:13

I set up this retreat in a really special way. I wanted each woman to bring their specific intentions. And I had a consultation with each one of them prior to the retreat so that they could share with me where they were in their life and what they wanted, what they struggled with, and who they wanted to be. What they desired out of the retreat. And I think that was incredibly fruitful because, by the time everyone arrived, it was as if I already had a pulse on who they were, and what they wanted. And in that way, each woman cocreated this retreat and we developed the collaboration synchronously over the time we spent together.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 10:55

You know, obviously, the fact that you had kind of a pre-session with everybody, was really awesome because it allowed everybody to, hey, I mean, for the people I don’t know you, it allows them to get comfortable with you, and allows them to ask whatever questions they might have. And I think it allows you to figure out, you know, where they’re at, and what they need.

Candice Wu 11:14

So over the course of the six days, we had time for Yoga, to support our bodies and movement. We talked about spirituality and the universe and how we manifest, how our bodies give expression to the intentions that are underneath both conscious and unconscious. We had meditation experiences right inside of the mountains and in caves. We took adventures in the leisure time where we got to go hiking or climb Angel’s landing, which is this steeper mountain that you can go up to where they say that angels land.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 11:57

I don’t know how I even came across Angel’s Landing as a hike, I was probably googling things to do in Utah. But I just had this overwhelming sense that I needed to be there. And so as you know, became slightly obsessed with, getting everyone on board, on the Angel’s Landing bus to go there. So yeah, I mean, it’s just such, for me, I think being there yesterday was confirmation that I was meant to be there. It was a spiritual experience for me, just being there in the energy of the place, just the magnificence, the beauty of the place is just breathtaking. A mind-blowing moment of camaraderie and bonding, which is a shared experience, which I think we’ll all remember for different reasons, maybe.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 12:46

But yeah, it’s amazing. And just being there was just confirmation that I knew I was meant to be there. I think some things in life, the people that you meet, or if you are called to go somewhere or, you know, experienced something, and you can’t quite put your finger on there. I think that’s just for me, it was just another evidence or another sign that sometimes you just need to trust in your, you know, your inner notches.

Candice Wu 13:14

Yeah.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 13:14

To follow that.

Candice Wu 13:15

Right.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 13:16

To follow your inner GPS, because you never know where it’s going to lead you to. And I think that I followed my inner delight, my body just fill up with joy and excitement and that was really, you know, being there at the top of Angel’s Landing, and I knew why.

Candice Wu 13:36

Some people took their leisure time to walk around the area of the villa, which had a medicine wheel, it had a labyrinth and could go to very private hikes and caves right in that area. And the deepest part of our work was spent doing Family Constellations, healing work, as well as Constellations with parts of ourselves, and dialoguing with different parts, as well as working with the body in more straightforward somatic ways to develop resilience and capacity, to feel more, to feel both joy and the challenges, the challenging emotions that are inside.

Candice Wu 14:22

And each person got a chance to have a specific time within the group and with the group interaction in a Constellation or in a certain experience that highlighted their personal healing and their desires, which gave way to some very powerful transformation for each of them in their own way. Some people came in with desires to feel more at ease in themselves and trust themselves. Some people came in wanting to work with a feeling of loneliness that they have and some deaths that had been in their lives, but the trajectory of their lives moving more towards health and what they desire and what they want.

Candice Wu 15:11

And others worked with money issues and releasing and sorting some past experiences that interfered with their daily life and stepped more into the independent power, the empowered self that they are that they know they are and which they wanted to cultivate more of.

Candice Wu 15:34

A lot of the work was deep and meaningful, but we also kept it light and played and had spontaneous times of drumming and dancing or just laughing together. And a huge part was the food that was inspired by Ayurvedic cooking by Robin Fisher. She is a massage therapist and Ayurvedic practitioner. Robin came on the trip to cook for us and to bring nourishment on many different levels, not just food levels, but supporting us in all ways and also being a part of the retreat, part of the healing and healing sessions, Yoga and meditation.

Candice Wu 16:22

She incorporated our different doshas and the needs of each of our bodies, plus the climate, the surroundings, and what we were doing in order to bring delicious meals for us, which, were just so special to eat together and eat mindfully and taste, such wonderful tastes in the midst of nourishing ourselves spiritually and physically.

Candice Wu 16:51

So some of the themes that I’m reflecting on that came up during the retreat were birthing and loving yourself, mother energy and healing, some pain and aloneness of men that came up in the healing process or shadow sides, connection and loneliness, experiences, completion, going beyond the soul karma and into spirit, into freedom and truth, money and the love that we want, the abundance that we want, releasing, sorting and selecting what we want to take with us forward, letting the fire within and outside of us transform, lightness and play.

Candice Wu 17:36

We also talked about the doshas, the different levels of our physiology, and how our beliefs take form and give expression to our energetic and physical bodies, and how we can tap into the most powerful healing inside of ourselves, to transform the outer world around us, for our lives and for the world.

Candice Wu 17:58

The whole experience to me was like creating this beautiful, magical sacred space, almost like a womb that held us in loving compassion, and in witness so that whatever needed healing could come through, and whatever transformation each person wanted, could shine into the light.

Candice Wu 18:21

Speaking of whom, we even had a chance, some of us to go to the Yoni cave, which was right around the corner from the villa. And this cave, I think, is just nicknamed, “The Yoni Cave”, is because it looks like a vagina, and even offshoots into two little side, like crevices, and those seemed like fallopian tubes. So we did a little bit of meditation inside of the Yoni cave, you can actually check out that meditation on Feminine Power and Creativity posted in the Embody Community on Facebook. It’s just a little taste of leisure time that we spent on the retreat and that’s with permission by the retreat members. So you can check that out at the Embody Community.

Candice Wu 19:11

And we looked at all of the different belief sets of who we are, that seem to be coming up for us, to reveal and to move and transcend. So after the retreat, I felt so embodied and more in myself, more like myself. And in talking with each of the retreat members, I got a variety of feedback from. I felt my acid reflux go away after two days too, I’m feeling so confident that I’m moving forward. I am so inspired to take the next step in my business. I’m revitalized and rejuvenated to take the steps I want to in my life, to other experiences, where people felt like they broke into some very deep parts of themselves that they may want some more healing with. And I think that’s all part of the process to hold space for all of those different parts of us, the inspired as well as the grieving and I’m just so glad that each of these women was able to bring themselves vulnerably and expose their hearts so that they could reach for what they wanted.

Candice Wu 20:31

So I want to give you a chance to hear their feedback, this is some of their feedback from the retreat at the end of it, as well as in the days after. So without further ado, let’s talk to some other retreat members.

Candice Wu 20:50

What have you found for yourself here, in terms of growth, what have you uncovered, and what makes it different for you?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 20:59

It’s hard to explain, articulate, but I think that just your unique blend of energy work, and just how you, just your, the true essence of the work that you do is very unique. You blend in a lot of different modalities, which for me, certainly been a learning experience as well, and a bit of an eye-opener. Saw a lot of your modalities I wasn’t even aware of, like Family Constellations. I just knew that even intuitively, that the, you know, the ancestral healing was something that perhaps, was something that I need to look at. Because, as you said, that I have done so much work on myself in terms of what I can control, you know, positive affirmations, I’m going to self-development programs, meditation, Yoga, and I just knew on a soul level that was probably something deeper, that was perhaps showing up in my life that I wasn’t even conscious of. And so, therefore, being on this retreat has really helped to really dive deeper beyond those layers in a way that’s very unique and that I can’t even describe. I’ll probably leave everyone else to go to the retreat, to experience it for themselves. And in fact, Diana, who’s on the retreat as well, you know, we were road trip buddies on the way down. And she said, I asked her, tell me a bit more about the retreat and she just said to me, You have to experience it for yourself. And so that was good for me, just to go in, move, an open mind, an open heart and experience it for yourself, because I’m sure everyone has their own experiments because everyone comes in with their own stories and their own needs for what they are looking to come out of the retreat with. And so I didn’t really want to compare, you know, just experience it, and go from there.

Candice Wu 22:28

So how have you found the Family Constellations work?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 23:02

Family Constellations is powerful. It’s amazing to know and experience that healing can happen, regardless of what is happening in the “real world” with the other players that might be involved in a family situation that my own exploration of those topics and experience of them is enough to heal. I think that’s really powerful. And again, it’s great to have such a safe space that allows me to feel vulnerable enough to really tap into a lot of those scenes, that on, maybe a more day to day basis can be really tough to look at, and tough to uncover in on earth, you know, particularly alone, and particularly without those sorts of tools and skills.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 23:57

So it’s been really powerful and quite unlike anything that I’ve experienced in, and, you know, traditional talk therapy, you said something earlier this morning about how that sort of work might be retraumatizing because you just use very verbal processes, and you kind of circled around the same stories, and nothing really changes, nothing’s transformed, and Constellation work feels transformative.

Candice Wu 24:27

And as I mentioned before, different women had different ideas and intentions, different desires coming into this retreat, here are some of those desires.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 24:37

I felt different, you know, before I came on the scene, that’s why I wanted to go. I had made some, like, really good changes. But now I feel like they’re much more clear. And I have a better kind of sense of who I am and what I want, and what’s important. And, you know, I just feel more empowered to, like, manifest the things that are important to me, you know, I’m on the verge of a new relationship. And I really wanted to deal with approaching that mindfully and in a way that I will lose myself and I feel, you know, that’s all kind of just happening very naturally, at the same time, like this kind of this new sort of philosophy on in, this new kind of desire of how to be and how to show up as my own individual self and maintain that. It’s very easy, it’s not like, I have to put forth the effort to be constantly like thinking about it. I think the work I did in the retreat has really helped me sort of solidify, that’s kind of my new way of being, without having to be super cognizant of that all the time, or feel like I’m trying to change myself. I feel like I’m just changed.

Candice Wu 25:07

And so what did you come in wanting?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 25:52

Yeah.

Candice Wu 25:53

And I have an idea, and I want to hear from you now.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 25:56

So I’m kind of on the cusp of, you know, a point in terms of my life, both professionally and personally. And, you know, I guess I’m looking for some extra clarity around how I navigate through that, and some blocks in the personal front. So that’s what I was looking to come into the retreat to, you know, learn some extra tools, do a lot more self-inquiry beyond what I already am aware of, you know, how to learn different methods,

Candice Wu 26:25

Yeah.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 26:27

Take things deeper as I said, be open to new techniques, and really just, you know, continue to evolve and expand myself, that’s really why I’m here. Always, one of the reasons why I go in these retreats is obviously to do Yoga because I need it right now. Work is very stressful. So there’s that piece where selfish now, you know, I want to relax, you know, come to a beautiful place like where we are now is just amazing, and enjoy that space and environment around us. But, you know, you have to engage with some like-minded souls also to expand.

Candice Wu 27:02

Absolutely. And have you, what do you feel will change for you as you move forward? And what will you take from the experience?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 27:11

Yeah, just, I guess, a new and different way of thinking. Just to add to my existing Sam toolkit

Candice Wu 27:20

Your existing what?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 27:21

Sam toolkit.

Candice Wu 27:25

I know that you’re in some transitions in your life, or possible ones are that they’re emerging with your purpose, with career, with who you are, how do you feel, or imagine that your life’s going to shift from what we’ve transformed here or on earth or tuned into?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 27:51

Yeah. I think the biggest thing for me is that regardless of the material outcomes of where I end up in my, in the next few years in my life, I’m considering a big career change and I think regardless of whether I, you know, quit the day job tomorrow and throw myself right into entrepreneur, into entrepreneurial practices, or, you know, kind of take a little bit of time to feel it out and dip my toes into it a little bit more slowly. I think that regardless of whatever I end up choosing, I know that I’ll be making that decision from a place of again, really self-love and self-respect. In the past, whenever I’ve thought about these, you know, big life decisions, there’s a lot of self-judgment that comes with that and a lot of fear and anxiety around not making the right decision and not feeling like I have enough to be successful in whatever I’m choosing. And it’s become really real for me over the last few days that I can choose and I can make anything I want to work and I really believe that for the first time, that really feels feasible and real and not just you know some mantra that I’m saying to myself over and over with empty meaning, so that’s huge for me. Yeah.

Candice Wu 29:20

That huge for anyone.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 29:21

Totally. So, I guess you could boil it down to a greater sense of competence and more energy and invigoration. I’ve also had the pleasure of, you know, meeting all sorts of really great, knowledgeable people on the retreat who have given me all sorts of really great practical advice.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 29:41

I am transitioning into practicing astrology full time, and of course, I do a lot of birth chart readings for individuals and, you know, starting to market myself for those skills. But I’ve had all sorts of people in the retreat suggests that I do things like YouTube videos and community workshops and free live readings on social media, and all sorts of cool strategies that I hadn’t considered. But now, I’m excited about and it doesn’t seem scary. It seems fun and exciting and full of possibilities.

Candice Wu 30:17

For some, the food was a very important aspect, especially Robin, who cooked for us. So let’s hear a little bit from Robin.

Candice Wu 30:28

So, I’d love to hear from you. How was it for you? And what did you, what was your intention coming in the retreat?

Robin Fisher 30:35

Yeah, thank you.

Robin Fisher 30:37

It was very interesting because I looked at it as you know, one of my first big adventures professionally. I’ve done cooking Ayurvedically the last three or four years but not at this scale. So it was definitely a challenge that I was excited to confront. But yeah, my intention was made clear when you asked what our intentions were on the first night, so that was very helpful for me to just kind of sit with, you know, yeah, why am I here just for a moment to slow down and think about it.

Robin Fisher 31:19

But yeah, in this time and place in our existence, I was, I really feel that I am drawn to nourish women and in all, that can mean mentally and physically and having the chance to kind of slowly help the women of the retreat kind of learn what it looks like, what it tastes like to eat seasonally, and holistically, was really special because once I’ve gained the, you know, the base skills of cooking, Ayurvedically, it really opened me up to, to work with my intuition and not necessarily be really strict with recipes, which I think most cooks understand that they have hit a new level when it’s not like, okay, it has to be perfect and it has to be this specific amount. And it’s more about being a part of the food and tasting, continuously tasting, feels like my essence was becoming more about food than I ever have experienced before. So that was really fun.

Candice Wu 32:42

Yeah, that’s really cool. I heard a lot of comments from the members of the retreat saying, Wow, I just loved how Robin was stirring that stew.

Candice Wu 32:55

She was like, doing it so deliciously and relaxed and it seemed like it really left an imprint on people.

Robin Fisher 33:04

Yeah, which is hilarious. Because, you know, I was just taking all of my energy to really stay focused on the task at hand. And that kind of freak out about what I had to do next for the next meal, like, you know, because I’m having a whole week of a meal. So think about it like, and just kind of play around with this fun to a certain degree. But there’s so much mental space for it. And so I really was able to sit back with my own breath work, which I also learned while I was learning Ayurvedic cooking.

Robin Fisher 33:49

Because I didn’t really do a lot of supportive breathing for most of my life. And so, knowing that breathing and body mechanics and all of the things that I learned that helps support me in massage therapy are, like, completely transferable to cooking. What energy do you bring to the room, it can be like, Oh, I have to cook for seven people all week. And it’s just like, so much work, or like, oh, what can I create here today, you know, and like, realizing that I had a certain amount of control over how I was going to experience the retreat. And it didn’t have to be something that happened to me, having body mechanics, it’s just, like, so supportive.

Robin Fisher 34:38

Just like, if you’re cutting up like a pile of vegetables, you know, multiple times a day, you know, and if you’re, like, all, like, super inward and not fully breathing, and just clenching. Like, all of that energy is going into the food as well. And I really didn’t want the anxiety that I can feel, in an unfamiliar situation to be ingested, took more focus, than I’ve ever really used to make sure that was, the nourishment and love was going into the food rather than fear and anxiety.

Candice Wu 35:21

Yeah, and it was cool what you did too was each meal, you made suggestions, or offerings that did go with each person’s dosha, or a suggestion that, if they’re feeling a little more heat, or if they’re this specific dosha, they might add in more cilantro to cool or, this, add in more of this to feel more warmed inside. So that was neat to have those choices, that information for everyone.

Robin Fisher 35:54

Yeah, I think that’s been the most helpful thing is understanding that you can make a base that’s good for everyone. And then having the sides that cool or heat or make it more oily or dry. And you can really adjust a dish for each person. And once they can understand what they need, they can do it themselves.

Candice Wu 36:23

And to give you a taste of what people tasted from the delicious meals, here are just some thoughts about how the food was incorporated into this retreat.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 36:37

Wonderful, because A, I mean, the person who created was with us, so it just kind of made it all the more sort of inclusive and knowing that we were eating and sort of this holistic, you know, based food that was coming from this place of love, it was just so good. And, you know, it was kind of, in this cold place and a lot of the food was very warm and filling and it just felt nourishing. I know that kind of was her goal was to create, like, this nourishing environment. And it really did, and it really made it because, you know, it’s also it’s a mind-body connection, right? So, imagine that you’re, you know, doing, being, you know, physically active, eating, filling your body with good, wholesome food, you know, that’s important too.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 37:26

It’s nice to have healthy, flavorful food that’s nourishing you. It’s like, now, she knew from a physical perspective but also, for me, like food is, I love food, so it’s always nourishing your soul as well. So you do a lot of deep inner work. And, you got Yoga, it’s almost like that food helps nourish that, you know, that fuel, that spiritual fuel. And I just think that, being Ayurvedic, food is very congruent with just the retreat.

Candice Wu 37:59

There are things about the retreat that just cannot be described and some of those things include the conversations and experiences that happened during the off times of the workshops, during leisure times or during dinner, and in-between spaces, the ones that were deeply profound, and integrating, and sometimes incredibly connecting. So here are some other thoughts from people about what they received on the retreat.

Candice Wu 38:30

What do you feel like you got out of it this year, you know, especially since you had all that experience last time, and you’ve grown so much from that?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 38:41

Yeah, well, the reason I wanted to go, and what I really do feel that I got out of it is that I feel like recently, I’ve made a couple of changes in my life. And sort of the way I’ve been looking at things and dealing with some kinds of stuff and specifically for me, I was kind of trying to close the doors and things of the past. And I really feel like, I got to do that in a very mindful and productive and supportive way, in a way that I could kind of come home, fresh and felt like I was ready to start kind of almost like a new chapter.

Candice Wu 39:12

Can you say more about, you know, what you were not so sure about and how it ended up being? Because I think it was a very unique experience.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 39:21

It definitely was. I mean, I think in general, a lot of Family Constellation works deals a lot with families and, you know, resolving, you know, maybe some unconscious issues you might have with your family systems. And I, that doesn’t happen to be an area of contention for me. I have, like, an amazing support system with my family and I didn’t feel like there were any specific areas I needed to address in that. And so, but you were able to really adjust it. So it was my internal family system that we focused on, which was really cool to sort of watch the different parts of myself come alive, which was really a unique spin on it that I’ve never seen, I’ve never experienced something like that, you know, either as a participant or as a center focus. And that it worked. It totally worked.

Candice Wu 40:11

Yeah, it was really cool to work on the different inner parts of you in that. And I think what also I got from what you wanted was, you wanted an empowering experience, you wanted something transformational that brought to forward and not looking backward and something to support you in feeling into this great pass that you were already launching yourself into.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 40:38

Yeah, totally. And I was a little nervous that, like, I’d have to go back and deal with the past. And I didn’t feel like that was really necessary. So I was like, how are we going to do this, but, you know, that’s what I think is so special about you, as a, you know, retreat leader, you’re so good at adjusting to the needs of each individual person on the trip and in honoring their experience and honoring their specific needs. Because obviously, I mean, we’re all different individual people going through a different individual thing, and it’s not a one size fits all model. And that, I think, is a very challenging thing to do. And you do it with so much ease and grace and respect. And it was really awesome.

Candice Wu 41:18

Okay, there’s just a little bit more. Elena, you said this, that speaking on this podcast was part of your process, or part of your growth step as well and this opportunity, and I heard you on Angel’s Landing the other day, “I have something to prove to myself.”

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 41:33

Yeah.

Candice Wu 41:34

What is this about for you?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 41:36

I think a couple of things. So, I realized yesterday on this long, intense, strenuous hike that we were doing that I was very nervous about doing beforehand, how much of my life I live. I have lived dictated by fear and that experience of climbing up this steep mountain with nothing but chain supporting us at several points, was really an exercise in coming from a place beyond fear and being able to feel it and perhaps transcend it in a way and work through it and see it as constructive and a tool for growth.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 42:14

And one thing that has always been very scary for me is speaking publicly, communicating openly and vulnerably with others and so I really wanted to challenge myself to speak on this podcast segments and really wanted to challenge myself also to speak openly and vulnerably without any sort of notes or, you know, talking points or a script. And so that’s exciting for me. And I was just saying to Candice, as we pause the audio, that wasn’t so bad. It’s nice to be able to share like this.

Candice Wu 42:48

Yeah.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 42:49

It’s fun and I feel — it’s good to be able to express and be open about that and not scared.

Candice Wu 42:57

Wow, you really overcame. I don’t know if I like the word overcome and overcame?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 43:04

Sure.

Candice Wu 43:04

Maybe that’s it for you. I don’t know. But you moved through that fear.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 43:10

Right. I’m not scared of being scared any longer. I can work with fear. It can be — perhaps I’m not in a place yet where I am able to see it as a constructive tool. But it’s not obstructive any longer.

Candice Wu 43:25

It’s not a roadblock.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 43:26

Yes. Definitely.

Candice Wu 43:28

Something different, yet to be determined.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 43:30

Something to work with.

Candice Wu 43:31

Yeah.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 43:32

Yeah, in some way.

Candice Wu 43:33

Yeah. Thank you.

Candice Wu 43:36

Oh, my gosh, yeah. How have you felt here and what has been good for you here?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 43:40

Yeah, so obviously Candice as I was telling you that I just feel that, it’s almost like this whole retreat has synchronicity written all over it. And to be honest, I was just blown away by just the space that you were drawn to, the North Star Villa?

Candice Wu 43:59

True North.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 44:00

Oh, True North. Thank you.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 44:03

You know, in Zion National park. First of all, the surrounding is just stunning, you’re surrounded by the mountains. You know, the view you wake up to every morning. And the fact that it’s surrounded by crystals, there’s just this beautiful energy about this place. So much love has gone into this environment by the owners. And that kind of warms my heart, it’s got a lot of character, a lot of love. And I think that, the love of the owners that they’ve brought into this place kind of exudes that energy, right. And so, therefore, it’s a really perfect environment for you to hold your retreat. It had everything, all the props you could have imagined, you know, drums, crystals, wind chimes, you know, a labyrinth, the, you know, a medicine wheel, it’s just, it’s almost like you had visualized your perfect retreat location and the universe delivered it to you in the middle of a national state park. It was just, pretty mind-blowing.

Candice Wu 45:09

What I found is that the space for deeper transformation can feel safe, given the right circumstances, when you feel that you’re held in a safe space, that all emotions are held in this space, and also supported, and when we acknowledge and respect everything that comes through no matter how “weird” people find it to be, which to me, nothing’s really that weird. But I really appreciated what people said about the safety of the retreat and what they felt in relation to me and others on the retreat. Here are some of those thoughts.

Candice Wu 45:47

What have you been doing on this retreat that’s been meaningful for you?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 45:51

The retreat has been a really good opportunity for me to rest, connect, and reprioritize. I’ve had a really great time meeting everyone else that’s here, really great time exploring nature and exploring the connection to nature, reintegrating with myself, and learning about all different sorts of healing modalities and energy work, and picked up a lot of really practical skills that I can bring back for my own personal use when I go back home. I really appreciate that there’s been a space that’s cultivated here, that’s really special and that’s really unique and that really can’t be replicated elsewhere, that’s really magical. But we’ve also been learning, yeah, all sorts of different skills and practices that can be used in everyday life. So a really great mix of both.

Candice Wu 46:46

But what have you found as a tool or thing that you felt like, yeah, I can really take that home with me to use in my daily life?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 46:56

Yeah, I think the biggest, single most practical skill is probably the resourcing technique that you went over with us this morning, actually.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 47:06

So I’m someone that tends to get very, you know, overwhelmed and activated in stressful situations. And I tend to go to a place of just getting stuck in negative emotions, and feeling really down on myself because of that. And I think the resourcing technique that we talked about is really cool because it’s something that you can use, regardless of where you are, regardless of what’s going on around you. And it’s something that you can really do for yourself. And I think that’s been a big theme throughout the retreats.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 47:42

It’s bigger than, than self-love, I think, which is something that gets thrown around a lot in all different sorts of practices. I would say that, really, what I’ve honed in on the past few days, has been self-respect and trust in oneself, knowing that with something like, resourcing, I don’t need to go elsewhere. I don’t need to turn to anything else or another practitioner, but that I have all the tools I need within myself, and whatever environment I’m in to nourish myself and bring myself to a better place when I’m feeling activated. So I’m really optimistic about the way that I’m going to be able to use that going forward.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 48:23

Another really big and related theme that has become really real for me over the past few days, is coming from a place of self-love and nourishment in resourcing, and taking myself to the next level at any healing, I again, would tend to use a very sort of a brace of approach and almost tried to, you know, beat a lot of different messages into myself, which, you know, is counterintuitive or counterproductive, I should say. And I think that for the first time in my life, I’m really feeling the impacts of coming from a place of nourishment and love for oneself.

Candice Wu 49:02

Oh wow.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Elena 49:04

You know, I’ve heard those words in a lot of different situations, and in a lot of different contexts. But it’s never really resonated within me. But a lot of the very body-centered exercises that we’ve done, and just, again, creating the space for reflection, and I think safe boundary-pushing has been really helpful in getting me there.

Candice Wu 49:27

Is there anything else you want to share?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 49:30

I just feel so happy and lucky and honored to get to do these types of things with you, especially because, like, you know, we do have this unique relationship. And that we have done a lot of work together in the past, and we saw each other, like, weekly, we have this sort of very traditional kind of working relationship. And then, you know, you left to go travel the world and pursue your dreams, and do all these amazing things that I didn’t know that I would get the opportunity to continue doing some of the amazing stuff that I do. And this way of doing it together and get to, you know, take a couple of days every year and get to spend time with you. And, working on some of the most meaningful pieces of the work that we’ve done together is just such a cool way to kind of honor it, and maintain the best parts of getting to work with you. So I’m just so happy that you do it. And I hope you keep doing them.

Candice Wu 50:19

Thank you. I’m so grateful that we get to do that too. It’s really cool to have that kind of, that different kind of relationship at this point. And we’ve gone through so much together, and I’ve seen you through so much of your growth. And it’s so exciting to see where you are now.

Candice Wu 50:41

What makes a retreat like this, a meaningful experience, or what makes this different for you?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Jana 50:46

Well, it is totally, it was like, five days of intense focus on it. And I just remember that on the plane ride home, I was just journaling, like, as much as possible, and trying to capture as much of like, the feeling, and the emotions and the insights and all the stuff because I knew that once I got back to regular life, like, I’d remember it, and I would hold it, but regular life what’s going to happen and I was going to get busy with work and I was going to get distracted and stresses we’re going to happen. And, you know, it was really a way to, you know, because even doing, you know, therapy or, you know, this type of work, you know, mix into your everyday life is obviously very helpful. But to kind of take this time out to specifically focus on it makes it so much more powerful. And especially again, being in this place that we were, we had, we were just in this like magical place in the desert with the mountains and crystals and drums and like it just turned into this beautiful spiritual experience that — many people don’t, I think, have an opportunity to really immerse themselves in like that. And that’s, I think the difference is very immersive, but not in an overwhelming way. And not in, you know, we have downtime, we have time to go hike, gave me a time to hang out, we have time to read. It wasn’t like, it was like, all like deep work all the time, you know, it was a nice balance and really good.

Candice Wu 52:08

Is there anything else you want to share about what has been meaningful for you, or what nuggets you’ve received or what pieces of your unearthing came up?

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 52:22

Just very humbling, that everyone is just so willing to be their authentic selves. And just to open up to the experience. I think you can only really benefit fully from the retreat if you have the courage and the willingness to open your heart and share yourself with others. Right? And so learn from each other. And I think that’s what’s, had a deeper meaning to the exercise that we’ve been doing is the fact that you have created that self-space and that safe space that everyone has felt so comfortable and invested to get in the best they can from it, you know, emotionally as well, you know, we’ve all cried and laughed. And I think that you can only do that when you’re spinning safe in the group that you’re showing that space with. And often you have a retreat leader that’s leading the retreat in a way that encourages them. So thank you.

Candice Wu 53:19

You’re welcome. And thank you so much.

Soul Body Retreat Guest — Sam 53:21

Yeah.

Candice Wu 53:23

I appreciate so much all the women who came on this retreat. I’m just so touched by the experiences that we had and the gratitude that I have for how magical the experience was, how beautiful and how healing and how open we all were with each other is just something that I will never forget.

Candice Wu 53:45

And I want to send a special thanks to Robin as well, as part of that. Her intention was to nourish women and she absolutely did that. She was wonderful and I look forward to working with her again.

Candice Wu 53:58

And I also want to give a shout out to Chris Spiegl, who is my partner, he was on the retreat as well. And in between the boundaries of our work, he was running errands or building an upside-down fire, which is a really cool thing. It’s a fire upside down. Also, he was taking the official photos for the retreats and supporting the tech behind the scenes, as well as creating the website design for the retreat all together and all of the production beforehand.

Candice Wu 54:38

I also want to thank the Earth, mother nature, and sky for holding the space, the physical space for healing, the villa itself, and the owners of the villa, Hank and Angie, all the angels, spirits and guides, as well as ancestors of each of the people that were involved in the retreats and came on the retreat for all of that was part of our work. And it gave away to the messages that each person received for themselves, and the healing that happened inside of their beings and in their bodies.

Candice Wu 55:16

I also want to give a shout out to all the people that supported in some way, whether that was sharing the retreat with a friend, a sister, a loved one, or a client or colleague, thank you so much. I appreciate all of the thoughts that you’ve sent my way about the retreat, the good energy, and the referrals. All of that made this possible, and I could not have asked for more.

Candice Wu 55:41

So as we close the podcast today, I want to offer just one more thought about retreats.

Candice Wu 55:47

A retreat is so nourishing because you can immerse yourself over time, take time for yourself — if the schedule allows for that which this retreat was specifically designed that way to integrate your experiences — to have movement and leisure time, to have deep meaningful connection and the space to go very deeply with exactly what’s happening in your life, and to be supported in embodied transformation around that and loving yourself. This retreat reminds me that immersion experiences like this have just an incredible capacity to bring so much life and enjoyment and healing.

Candice Wu 56:36

I encourage you whether it’s my retreat in the future or another retreat that catches your eye to try something like that. Because if it’s the right fit, it can be incredibly powerful.

Candice Wu 56:49

If you’d like to stay tuned to future retreats from me, whether that’s a couple’s or individual or women’s retreat, you can stay posted on my website Candicewu.com or sign up for my newsletter at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 57:05

Wishing you well and just sending all of this peaceful, mostly peaceful, energy from Spain. Just looking out at the cityscape now, it’s dark, you’ve heard the dogs around me. I hope that wasn’t too bothersome. But this is just part of the noise set that’s here where I am. Thanks so much for joining me and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.