Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about how to have clear energetic boundaries, strengthen boundaries to protect from absorbing others energy or emotions, releasing and sorting other’s energies from yours, and how to feel healthy as an Empath with practices and perspectives from Family Constellations, energy work, Somatic Experiencing, Group Dynamics, and psychology. Following these are three healing experientials that can support grounding and strengthening energetic boundaries and clearing absorbed energy.

Candice Wu 0:32

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:45

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:07

I am really excited about the Soul Body Women’s Retreat, which is the sponsor of this podcast. Soul Body Women’s Retreat is in October 2018. And this retreat was inspired by the idea of connecting soul to body such you feel completely like yourself embodied and at ease, expressing yourself freely and creatively just the way it is truly you.

Candice Wu 1:32

The beauty of connection of soul and body is that you can develop the awareness to transcend the limitations and the belief sets that you’ve been living from that you can feel even freer and more conscious.

Candice Wu 1:45

This is a small group retreat. So if you feel inspired or aligned with this, feel free to reach out to me and I’d be grateful if you share this with anyone you thought would be interested. For this and future retreats, you can find out more at CandiceWu.com/retreats.

Candice Wu 2:00

Now, let’s jump into the show.

Candice Wu 2:06

As a healing facilitator and intuitive coach, I’m often working very deeply with people’s emotions, sometimes on very deep and traumatic ones, and sometimes very pleasurable ones.

Candice Wu 2:20

People are often asking me, how do I stay clear and grounded in my own energy? How do I not pick up other people’s energy? And how do I know what’s inside of me if I’ve picked something up or not? And how do I strengthen my boundaries so that I don’t absorb others energy? Is this possible?

Candice Wu 2:39

And so today’s episode is all about that. This is something I’ve worked hard at for the last 10 years. I would say about 10 years ago, if I walked into a room, a crowded room, I could feel the emotion like a tidal wave, it would feel like suddenly, I’m feeling differently from when I walked in. And when I left, I would either feel bad, self-conscious, maybe I’d have a headache or a stomach ache, perhaps I would feel a wave of sadness or angry or tense somehow in my body. And I really had no idea where it came from, other than, “Wow, I can’t handle being around people.” Or, “Wow, I have so many triggers that I’m just feeling so much anxiety in me, so much emotion. And here it all is.”

Candice Wu 3:29

So I attributed all of that to my own experience and just me solely. Of course, some of it was mine. Some of it was my personal triggers and the things that I would feel anxious about, but it felt like an extra load by times five. So some of it wasn’t mine. It was almost as if I was like a magnet to other people’s negative emotions.

Candice Wu 3:54

Sometimes that was very cool. Like, I would be very aware of how someone was feeling, especially if cared about them and could really relate to them. And other times, I was just left feeling horrible.

Candice Wu 4:06

It wasn’t until I learned about being an Empath, as well as the concept of Projective Identification and psychology and Family Constellations and Somatic Experiencing work, that I realized that I was picking up other people’s energy. And that while I could cope with that, and find ways to navigate that differently, I could also strengthen my boundaries so that I did not have to take in all that energy.

Candice Wu 4:35

Learning about this truly released me because I found ways to strengthen and fine tune my own energetic system, my own body, and my awareness so that I could have stronger boundaries when I needed them. That I could navigate and release any energy that I did pick up effectively, that it didn’t just carry around forever. And how to use the experiences that left me with something that was mine to learn and grow from, grow stronger in my nervous system.

Candice Wu 5:04

At this point in my life, I feel a lot clearer. I feel more grounded stronger in my boundaries. And I have more of a conscious choice of whether I want to tune into energy around me and emotion around me, as well as I can more effectively navigate what’s mine and what’s not and clear it if I need to, if I have picked something up that I’m not aware of. And I feel less blindsided by energy in general, that just somehow has stayed with me from who knows when in the day.

Candice Wu 5:36

So you might wonder if this topic pertains to at all “Have you ever felt icky or a different emotion after being around someone?” Yes, it could be something you’re triggered by. But it also could be some energy that you picked up or are holding for someone else. Perhaps being around groups, you may feel overwhelmed or almost taken over by a certain emotion. If when you’re around others especially if you are some sort of healing practitioner, therapist, a person that works with others in a health or healing capacity, perhaps you feel fatigued or exhausted, you might begin to feel irritation or edgy or angry.

Candice Wu 6:15

This is the body’s natural instinct to push back or reject, push out whatever it doesn’t really belong in your energy field. Perhaps something’s not digesting well in your body, or you’re feeling disrupted sleep or other physical symptoms, headaches.

Candice Wu 6:31

If you’re someone that doesn’t feel like you have enough alone time and you’re feeling overstimulated by sounds, light, smells, touches, and textures. Or if you’re feeling certain emotions, sensations in your body, thoughts that seem to be extra loaded or intense after being around groups or certain people, that may be a sense in you to look at, are you picking up other people’s emotions?

Candice Wu 6:58

Well, many of those aspects can be your own body’s experience or something that you’re reacting to. It can also be added onto by other people’s energies. And we’ll look at how to sort that out in this episode.

Candice Wu 7:16

So today’s episode is five-fold.

Candice Wu 7:19

First, we’ll look at what may be related to the experience of being unbalanced or loaded with other people’s energy. Here we’ll talk briefly about being highly sensitive and an Empath.

Candice Wu 7:32

Secondly, we’ll talk about understanding how to ground and direct your energy to be in yourself, so that your boundaries are stronger.

Candice Wu 7:39

Third, will explore knowing what’s yours and what’s not in terms of energy, sensation, or dynamics.

Candice Wu 7:47

Fourth, how to strengthen your own boundary and heal up any ruptures to your boundary, whether that’s an energetic or physical rupture, or something that’s even deeper.

Candice Wu 7:56

Which leads us to number five, is looking at the unconscious and conscious beliefs, the past conditioning, and internalized projections that connect with why you even take on other people’s emotions to begin with, if it is out of balance.

Candice Wu 8:14

So let’s begin with the first one what may be related to the experience of taking in other’s emotions, and what is an Empath or highly sensitive person.

Candice Wu 8:23

When you’re picking up on other people’s energies or emotions or thoughts, what they’re experiencing, it’s beyond just having empathy for someone.

Candice Wu 8:33

Dr. Judith Orloff who’s an expert with this, says that having empathy means our heart goes out to another person in joy or pain, but for Empath, it goes much farther. We actually feel other’s emotions, energy, and physical symptoms in our own bodies without the usual defenses that most people have.

Candice Wu 8:52

So whether or not you would consider yourself an Empath, if you are someone that feels very affected by other people’s energy or their moods, or you feel very intuitive and can perceive others very well, then you might be experiencing picking up other people’s energy or absorbing it not only emotions and energies, moods, and body sensations.

Candice Wu 9:15

People who are very empathic can also feel into other’s wishes, their thoughts, impulses, motivations, and desires like other people with empathic abilities.

Candice Wu 9:29

I was told very early and very young that I was too sensitive. And so this is something that I experience most healers who are Empaths or therapists that are very tuned in to have a struggle with because they’ve had to overcome the criticism of their gifts.

Candice Wu 9:49

Being empathic in this way is actually a beautiful gift. What it can also come with, is being very in touch with your inner world and having a complex inner life, feeling in touch with depth and creativity as well as spirituality or something unseen and deeper. Someone who has this ability to tune in and be sensitive can also be aware of the subtleties and nuances of situations and can attune easily to what’s happening.

Candice Wu 10:19

In my most natural state, I’m easeful and balanced. I feel buoyant and grounded at the same time. And I feel that I can turn on and off my ability to tune in. Once in a while, I feel like something’s hit me. And that’s usually when I look inside to see where that receptor is in me, that I can strengthen that aspect of myself so I don’t get blindsided.

Candice Wu 10:45

We all have the ability to pick up on other people’s energies, it just depends how diffuse or open your boundary system is. And if you are someone who has that ability more easily, you might have more of Vata quality. Vata in Ayurveda is one of the Doshas, one of the three main qualities of the whole universe.

Candice Wu 11:09

And Vata is the air and space quality, where it’s movement-oriented, and open versus Pitta, which is fiery, and Kapha, which is Earth and water. We have all three qualities, but somebody who is more open in their energetic system can have more of that Vata quality.

Candice Wu 11:29

So what I found in myself and in others that I’ve worked with around this topic of taking in other’s energy is that when we do that in an unbalanced way, usually underneath that are some beliefs that relate to it, which cause us to take in unconsciously other people’s energies. Sometimes there’s trauma, whether that’s developmental in the person’s lifetime, a soul like a past life, trauma, and also ancestral dynamics.

Candice Wu 11:59

So the dynamics within a family system that go way back. Sometimes it also connects up with Collective Oppression, or other archetypal and energetic dynamics in our whole system, where there’s a Developmental Trauma, sometimes that can relate to not having an emotionally available and good enough parent to be present, to reflect and mirror and be attuned to us as children, which can make it more challenging for a young person to have a core sense of self and to know themselves. To be able to have that reflection by someone we care about gives us a sense of ourselves.

Candice Wu 12:40

And if we don’t have that, then sometimes we don’t have this individuation that separates us from another. Other attachment issues like neglect and abandonment, or disruption at a certain age where maybe another child was born, or some accident or illness happened with the parents or the children, that can also affect how a person develops their sense of self. And it can certainly affect the physical and energetic boundaries of that individual.

Candice Wu 13:11

The difficulty with Developmental Traumas is that sometimes we don’t even know we have them. And we think that our childhood is just great. But also that it is really challenging for the nervous system to develop, if we’ve had disruptions in our childhood, especially ones that were scary, overwhelming or terrifying.

Candice Wu 13:33

Our nervous system as an infant is not built to handle all kinds of emotions, even pleasant ones. And we need the support of a calm, grounded, and attuned adult parent to support us in co-regulating so that our nervous system can develop and strengthen and be able to handle feeling all that.

Candice Wu 13:58

If we don’t have someone that has that ability to regulate themselves, it can feel like we’re also taking on the parents emotions, then we can quickly see how a very early imprint of this dynamic happens, where we’re absorbing other people’s emotions.

Candice Wu 14:17

And in the Family Constellations work, where we look at how the family dynamic is, it connects up with the whole body experience. And a young person who feels like their mother or their father isn’t able to handle their sadness perhaps, or their anxiety will come in and fill in that role. If there’s a sense of a disconnection between the grandparents and parents in our family system, we may take that responsibility upon ourselves to become like a parent to our own parents so we’d become parentified.

Candice Wu 14:53

And in that way, we take on a responsibility that’s far too great for us. We take on being the parent for our parents, which is not our position at all. And it causes us to take in energies and emotions and hold them for others thinking that they can’t handle it.

Candice Wu 15:09

In this way, we act like we are bigger than our parents. We act like we can handle more and that we’re stronger. And then we apply that to the world and begin to absorb other people’s emotions, just like we did to our own parents, if this is the case for your life.

Candice Wu 15:25

In other cases, one may have a parent who is somewhat narcissistic, where they’re acting as if the child is an extension of them, and must act accordingly. It’s quite manipulative in terms of what a parent might almost push their children into feeling. And so those boundaries between child and parent have been blurred, and messy.

Candice Wu 15:54

And all of this connects to the idea of Projective Identification. This is the concept where when one person in relationship with another, projects in emotion that they don’t want to feel, perhaps it’s undesirable or intolerable, or their nervous system is overwhelmed so much that they can’t feel it. So maybe it’s anger. And instead of feeling their own anger, they push it out of their energy system, and hope that the other person begins to feel it so that is taken care of.

Candice Wu 16:30

And the other person says, “Okay, I’ll take that,” unconsciously. Because their system has learned to take that in and they identify with that, so that they almost claim that anger as their own.

Candice Wu 16:44

This happens all the time in our intimate relationships, in our acquaintance relationships, as well as a whole in society, where certain groups of people don’t want to feel something and projected onto others.

Candice Wu 16:57

So if somewhere in your life, you’ve had this conditioning, whether that’s in your childhood, which can be a very intense kind of conditioning, in society, in your culture, or in a past life, then this can be ingrained in you to take on other people’s emotions.

Candice Wu 17:15

I think of it like this, if one person has all these different rocks of different emotions, and they’re able to feel these five rocks and not these five, and they don’t like feeling any of those emotions. So they toss them out and push them down in suppression or repression. Because it may be too intolerable for them to feel, or they just don’t want to feel that way, whatever is undesirable, this is like the shadow, right? We don’t want to feel these things so we push them out. And someone else not only senses that, but takes those rocks in and puts them into their pot of emotions.

Candice Wu 17:58

Now, the key piece is that even if those rocks are pushed out into the open space, the other person doesn’t have to take them in.

Candice Wu 18:08

Why does one take them in and put them in as their own set of rocks? And in my experience, personally and with others, it’s that there’s some sort of ingrained pattern and conditioning that this was about survival at some point to do so or in some way, it was helpful at some time. And now it’s just become a habit. Now, it might even be dysfunctional, and painful.

Candice Wu 18:33

So I find that I’m most balanced when I’m aware of what I’m taking in. In this example, what rocks I’m picking up, so that there’s a purpose to doing that. It might be to support someone else in being able to hold their own rocks, but not to take them in because I think they’re mine, or, to do so on automatic or unconsciously, and to just absorb everything around me.

Candice Wu 18:59

If you’ve had accidents, like car accidents, or falls, natural disasters, or other physical traumas, then the physical body, as well as the energetic boundary of the body, can be broken in certain areas where energies and sensations can just swoop in.

Candice Wu 19:18

Also, another aspect to consider is that your soul history, what your experiences were in your past lives, if you believe in that, or whatever you believe you came in with, is part of your past conditioning. And if it has anything to do with being a shaman, or healer, or witch in a past life, that may also be connected to how it is you take in energy now.

Candice Wu 19:43

And again here, I think that the ideal, the most healthy and balanced places to find a place of choice where you’re able to choose what to take in and what not to, and also to navigate how to deal with it when you have taken something in.

Candice Wu 19:59

So now, I want to shift gears and talk about how to stay grounded and strengthen your energy boundary without doing deeper work but to just look at how you can take different actions.

Candice Wu 20:12

When you’re in a situation where you feel icky, or somewhat uncomfortable, when you’re with somebody, or in a certain situation, try to distance yourself at least by 20 feet, and see if you feel any relief. See if it’s something that you’re triggered by. Or if it’s just as simple as moving away. You can breathe and send your energy downward into your legs and feet, just loosen up the ankles, and press into the bottoms of the feet. And imagine feeling like you are 500 pounds heavy, that you’re just rooted into the ground. And this sending of energy downward and strengthening of the muscles, activating of the muscles, helps the body know its own boundary, physically and energetically.

Candice Wu 20:57

A third thing you can try is to see your energy boundary, imagine what color or thickness or material this sort of energy boundary would be, if you could just make it up. And imagine that sort of force field around you. The interesting thing about some of these practices is that some of them will work for you at different times and some won’t work at all. Because with this exercise of seeing your energy boundary, I tried that very early on and it was like “This, didn’t do anything.”

Candice Wu 21:29

And that’s because I had a lot of developmental, ancestral, and soul trauma that was deeply rooted. And so changing the energy dynamic of all that was necessary before I could even have an energetic boundary around me that was working.

Candice Wu 21:48

So notice for yourself, which ones might work and not. So this third one of seeing your energy boundary, I would recommend practicing this on your own before you’re around people, or in a crowd. I would suggest doing this both physically as well as in your imagination so that it strengthens with your whole body.

Candice Wu 22:08

So as you picture some sort of energetic boundary or bubble that surrounds you, imagine being safe inside of it, and that you could even touch all the parts of your energetic boundary. And notice what color, texture, shapes, or material it would have to be in order to be strong enough for you to feel safe inside.

Candice Wu 22:29

And you can also picture what happens if energy comes at you, or some emotion comes at you and touches the boundary. Does it bounce off? Does it sizzle into flames? And as you feel into the energy boundary, and picture all the way around you like an egg shape up and down, side to side, front to back, use your arms to just check how far out you’d want it to be, or how close, and if there are any ruptures in that.

Candice Wu 22:59

Another thing you can practice is to be like an animal. Porcupines have a really nice boundary of these quills that just can spike up if they’re upset, and they don’t want someone to get near. So that’s something you can picture for yourself. And imagine your own energetic spikes coming up. And that is if you need a boundary that strong, if there’s someone you don’t want to talk to, or don’t want to come near you. Or if you’re feeling like there’s a lot of energy in the room and you don’t want to take it on but even just something into a lion at its rest state, it’s prepared to snarl or show its claws if it needs to. So just having that bit of readiness can support you in feeling a little more grounded in your body and prepared to protect yourself.

Candice Wu 23:49

Something you can always practice is a body scan. It’s just feeling head to toe, all the parts of your body. And as a daily practice, you can even touch your body, head to toe every part of it and just feel into whatever kind of touch feels good and helps you feel the edges of your body.

Candice Wu 24:07

What happens when we have trauma or when we have very loose energy boundaries is that our nervous system almost forgets that it has a physical body, a physical container to support us and to also act as that edge of inside-outside and what we take in and what we don’t. So touching the body from head to toe reminds us of that and gives us a sense of our personal edges.

Candice Wu 24:34

Another thing you can do is to practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no, when you mean no. And no is a complete sentence, there’s no need for an explanation. Sometimes you might need to interrupt someone to take a break. Or if someone asks too much of you, or takes and asserts it, then you can back up and say no, or let them know that this is not comfortable with you.

Candice Wu 25:00

Part of having loose boundaries sometimes goes into giving yourself away to others and letting them do what they want. Or not having a voice in terms of what you prefer. Letting others lead the way or just saying yes to everything that they asked for. And in some cases too, I’ve noticed myself, actually, I had parasites because I was in this place of always saying yes to others, and giving away my energy and letting others come first.

Candice Wu 25:32

At some point, I developed parasites because I had taken a trip to Sri Lanka and probably, you know, ate the food and water and wasn’t really prepared for that. And because my energy system was weakened already by this dynamic of just letting everything vampire off of me, I got sick.

Candice Wu 25:52

So with that, it’s really important to practice listening to yourself and not overriding what you sense, what you need, or what you want. I noticed that I’m most vulnerable in picking up other people’s energy when I don’t want to be in this situation, when my instincts tell me it’s time to go or my social meters out. And if I override that, I pick up a lot more as well as some part of my nervous system gets triggered because I’m not listening.

Candice Wu 26:22

From the Ayurvedic standpoint, I mentioned earlier that there’s a lot of Vata at times when you’re very empathic, or you are picking up other people’s energy. So you can be grounding foods especially if you know you’re going to be on a situation that you’re sensitive too, such as crowds or certain people’s emotions that you magnetized. Give yourself some weight by eating heavier foods that can be meats, if you eat meat or avocado, something that actually feels like it has weight, something sweeter and with more water.

Candice Wu 26:53

This is a lot of information but I want to give you a few more techniques from energy standpoints. At some point, I will transcribe all this and put it on my website so that it’s a little bit easier to follow but I will share just a couple more here.

Candice Wu 27:13

The Zip Up technique from Donna Eden is really nice. It’s like zipping up an energetic coat to protect you from taking on other people’s emotions or energies and it works with the central meridians of the body, the energy pathways that are moving up and down. And the way you do this is you take your hand or two hands at your pubic bone and as you take a deep breath up, slide your hands up the center of your body all the way to your lower lip. And you can do this while touching your physical body or a couple of inches away from it and just repeat this three times.

Candice Wu 27:50

The next one I want to offer you is called “Getting on the Grid”. It’s actually something my friends and I in grad school made up where we noticed this Alex Gray artwork. I will link this in the show notes so you can see it. But it’s this beautiful artwork of a person meditating and you can see each of the Chakras, the energy centers in the body, seven of them in different colors. And this person is sitting on this grid. And its got diagonal lines coming through each side, as well as lines, I think, top and bottom. And for us, it was really helpful to just say to ourselves “Get on the grid.” So, it’s like centering yourselves, containing your energy into your body and then getting on the grid of the universe where your solid and grounded. And I will lead you through that in the meditation that comes connected with this podcast in the next few days.

Candice Wu 28:46

The last thing I want to offer in terms of supporting yourself to be grounded is the approach that you take when you’re around people. Instead of thinking that you were there to help somebody especially if you’re a therapist, healer or wellness practitioner or that somehow you should give advice or be responsible for other people, instead, start to feel people as completely whole and autonomous, full of personal choice and their healing power within, that they have everything that they need inside of them. And sometimes it’s tricky because your mind starts running and thinking, “But they don’t, they need my help.” Even so, if you can release someone to their own inner healing and the universe is healing, you can still support them by showing them tools or guiding them or even sharing your thoughts of them, but to keep that respect, the deep respect and honoring of them as a human being with their own potential.

Candice Wu 29:46

So now we move to the third section of the podcast today. How do you know if you’ve picked up or absorbed other people’s energy? What do you do if you have and how do you cleanse and release?

Candice Wu 29:58

Some of the more general things that I do to cleanse and refresh and reset myself are to shower or bathe, use Epsom salt and baking soda to cleanse and sometimes I like to take a little apple cider vinegar digestively to move anything through.

Candice Wu 30:16

You can also imagine a white or yellow light clearing and cleansing your body like crystal clear light and sunshine, just refreshing all the cells of your body with breath.

Candice Wu 30:28

And the third thing is that I like to cough up energy, might sound funny, but it’s sort of like gagging and coughing and almost throwing up in the air where I feel like there’s stuff releasing out of my body. Maybe it’s my shaman history that I already knew how to do this. But somehow it’s very natural and innate to me. You can do this, it’s simple, it’s a little bit like lion’s breath in Yoga. Lion’s breath is where you take a deep breath in. And when you release your breath, you stick your tongue out as far as you can and you make some noise or a sound. It sounds like this.

Candice Wu 31:13

And you just hold your tongue out as far as you can, with the breath all the way out. You can try it that way just to release anything that doesn’t feel good inside. Or, you can actually try that and begin to cough and gag. It’s not a bad thing or a scary thing. But if you do feel scared, or overwhelmed, take a break or practice with a trained professional.

Candice Wu 31:37

And as you do this, you can also imagine whatever it is, that’s coming out. And when I do it, I just cough and gag. And sometimes I have a couple of tears come out. But almost immediately, I just feel released. Sometimes I’ll feel some sadness with it. Sometimes I’ll feel some other emotion that doesn’t seem like it’s mine. But as I cough, it just comes out. And I imagine what’s coming out if I can sense a color or an emotion and just leave it.

Candice Wu 32:09

Any of the grounding activities that I mentioned before, you can also do when you notice you’ve picked up some energy or when you’re not sure and you’re just checking in. So for example, a body scan or touching your body head to toe, breathing, grounding your feet feeling like they’re 500 pounds, any of those.

Candice Wu 32:28

I find the strongest tool in knowing if I’ve picked up or absorbed other’s energy is checking it in with myself. And the important thing for me is to do that throughout my interactions with others, or whatever interactions I’m having. Sensing into how I’m doing, where I’m at what I’m feeling around me what I’m feeling through me and inside, but also afterward, check in with myself, see how my emotions are, how is my body doing.

Candice Wu 33:01

And if I’m feeling something ungrounded or unbalanced, some other emotion than I was noticing before, something that’s a bit unfamiliar, then I will connect with it. So whatever it is I’m feeling, I will give a little space to myself, and tune in and just breathe into that space if I feel it in my body, in my heart, and I’ll just notice it. Let myself acknowledge what it feels like in my body. And I’ll sense into it.

Candice Wu 33:33

Sometimes this is where I talked to myself and talk to my body and ask “What are you? Whose are you? And sometimes I’ll just have this intuition of ”This doesn’t feel like mine. But what is it?” So I also connect with it and explore.

Candice Wu 33:51

If it is indeed a sense that it’s somebody else’s, the first thing that I do is just try to clear it back and give it back to who it belongs to, or give it up to the universe. I just imagine this energy, whatever color or shape it is, just traveling back to the person it belongs to. And with that person or persons, I just imagine if there’s any energy that’s mine, that I take that back and drop back to myself.

Candice Wu 34:21

This specific practice is another one of the healing experientials that I’ll share with you this week, to guide you through taking back what energy is yours, and releasing any energy that doesn’t belong to you back to where it belongs, so look out for that. If some energy doesn’t want to go or doesn’t want to move, you can stay with it a little bit further, and ask it what it needs to release or to leave, to let go.

Candice Wu 34:47

And whatever it says, without any judgment or filter. Just imagine what it needs and wants. Imagine it happening and see what happens in your body. So, whatever your left with, if you’ve cleared up other people’s energies, or you’ve imagined whatever emotions just going back to who they belong to, if you’ve done some resetting and clearing of your own energy, if you’re left with something still, then that likely means it’s a piece of your own trigger or some aspect of you that is a receptor for that issue, or that emotion or sensation.

Candice Wu 35:27

So what you’re left with, there’s a space in you to receive other people’s emotions in that same way, and it alerts you and lets you know this is where your work is. This is the place that your boundary is ruptured, and that you can transform and heal so you can become stronger if you want to.

Candice Wu 35:50

An example of this is, I was working with a client where immigration was something that had happened in their family history. What seemed to show up was that this family was very excited and hopeful that moving to the United States would be a better life. But it seemed that when they arrived, there was some large grief and disappointment, some pain and survival and struggle, because it wasn’t as they had expected, it wasn’t as accepting to their culture as they hoped it would be.

Candice Wu 36:25

When I was done with this session, I felt that this feeling of grief and disappointment was still sticking with me. I wondered, “Had I picked up my client’s pain, the ancestry’s pain, or was it my own?

Candice Wu 36:42

So I did some of the practices that I had suggested a bit earlier. And what I was left with was still the grief and disappointment. So that point, I knew that it had to do with me.

Candice Wu 36:55

Of course, what I’ve been processing for the last 10 years is the feeling of grief and disappointment of my childhood experience, that there were just things that I really wanted to happen and they didn’t, relationships that I wanted to go a certain way, and they went the entirely other way. So I’ve actually been more recently processing how this experience was to my spirit, that on this grander scale of entering this life with a lot of hope and optimism and excitement for what this life would bring, that early life was disappointing and full of grief and loss, though I wasn’t able to feel those feelings until much later.

Candice Wu 37:38

I’m grateful at this time of my life that I can feel into the gifts of what the trauma and disappointing experiences I had early on, have given me now for my life, but it doesn’t really change the grief and disappointment, those feelings are still there and moving through.

Candice Wu 37:56

So what I was left with after working with this client was my own piece of grief and disappointment. And working with it just reminds your system that this energy is there, and it pulls it up to the surface.

Candice Wu 38:12

So that’s how we know that there’s a piece of us that wants healing, is when something stays with us for longer. Otherwise, for me, at this point in my life, emotions that I’ve perhaps sensed into with others, just roll off my back and move through, or they’re just very easily fluid, and they don’t have something to stick on to, like Velcro.

Candice Wu 38:34

So this brings us to the topic of strengthening your own boundaries and healing up your energetic ruptures.

Candice Wu 38:41

As I mentioned earlier, you can work with your energetic boundary and picture it, use your hands to touch into it and sense where it is. And if you do find ruptures with it, sense what that is, let this attune you to your sense of what might need to be healed so that you can be stronger in yourself, and not let other’s energies come into you.

Candice Wu 39:06

You can work with the experience of energy swooping into your energy field, or, you taking up other people’s energy and absorbing it by imagining it more slowly. Imagine you could see energy coming at you, or that you’re just sucking it up, see how far it goes and where it touches into you, if you could imagine that. Let your body respond back to push it out whether that’s with your imagination of what you would do or literally and physically with your hands. Imagine taking other people’s energy and pushing it back out of your body and your energy field. So that it’s way out and as far out as you need it to be, then keep your hands up as if to say no, this blocks you from taking in more.

Candice Wu 39:55

And that’s something you may need to practice because I’ve noticed that I’m much more of a receiver of negative energies than I am a pushing back kind of person. And it may be something you need to practice to push back.

Candice Wu 40:09

This is a Somatic Experiencing practice. I’m sure it’s in other practices. But if you want to develop that further, you can work with somebody in Somatic Experiencing.

Candice Wu 40:19

I do that work myself and can also give you some recommendations. But if you practice this, you can develop a stronger energetic center and personal boundary so that you’re less likely to take in energies from outside of you.

Candice Wu 40:35

Now the thing you can practice is, putting your hands out and up like face up, as if you’re receiving and just imagine receiving pleasurable experience, joyful experience, and not taking in what others are feeling or negative emotions or any toxicity, but just taking in pleasure. So both the experience of putting a boundary up and saying “No” to what you don’t want to take in and opening the hands to receive what you do want to take in, letting that boundary be permeable to the different types of experience you want to take in and don’t.

Candice Wu 41:16

There are so many practices that you can do to strengthen your boundary. But I’d like to leave you with those today. As well as just a few thoughts about going deeper and excavating the belief sets and past conditioning that are underneath the whole energy dynamic, to begin with.

Candice Wu 41:35

What I found in myself and others that seem to absorb other’s emotions and energies, is a sense of responsibility for others, that they’re responsible for saving them or responsible for making them feel good or pleasing them. Some of the belief sets that I’ve held in aspects of my younger self and my adult self are that it’s my job to absorb all the negativity. It’s my job to absorb anger and loss, because other people couldn’t handle it in my ancestry at that time. It’s my job to fix all the problems. And I essentially exist for other people and for other people to feel good. It’s my responsibility to maintain others well being. It’s my responsibility to save the world.

Candice Wu 42:24

And you can see where all of these might lead my unconscious energy to just absorb everything bad and take it in and to digest it myself a couple of other belief sets that I’ve noticed in myself and others are what we’re feeling worthy of receiving. For example, believing that I’m only worthy of receiving bad or that I’m undeserving of receiving pleasure in goodness and joy.

Candice Wu 42:52

So taking a look at what unconsciously you feel you’re able to receive, that you’re allowed to receive or have, and also looking at what the conditions are of your worth, and being lovable. Specifically, I find that when we’re growing up, we learn different ways that we need to act or be, in order to be lovable or worthy. So did you internalize or come in with a belief that in order to be worthy and lovable, that you need to absorb all the emotions in the room, or that you need to take on more than what’s yours?

Candice Wu 43:32

Some people even resonate with the words in order to be worthy of God. “I need to save the world,” or “In order to be worthy of God,” etc. Whether or not you believe in God, sometimes that seems to hit some level of our being when you just say the words out loud, and going back to the way that we might have been parentified, or in some position in our family ancestry unconsciously, that takes on more than what our share is, that takes on a position that isn’t ours, what we’re actually saying when we do that is “I am bigger, better and smarter than others.”

Candice Wu 44:09

And in fact, if it was a parental vacation, where you felt like you were a parent to your parent, that’s in the position of saying you are much bigger than your parents. And that is untrue, without your superior to your parents. It also suggests that you can handle more than they can, or that they’re fragile and you’re not. But what I find is actually that’s a very deep lack of trust in others, and a dependency that others need to be in a certain place or in a certain way for you to be okay, that’s actually just more of a younger need, a dependency that our parents need to be okay so that we’re okay so it comes instinctually.

Candice Wu 44:53

And yet, as adults, we don’t necessarily need to be that way anymore. We don’t necessarily need to be dependent on that way. Because we have different resources. So what I suggest is to look at all of the underlying beliefs or dynamics of why it is that you absorb other people’s emotions, and let a lot of gentleness and self-forgiveness come in, you can use the words “I forgive myself for judging myself for believing that – whatever that is.”

Candice Wu 45:25

For example, “I forgive myself for judging myself for believing that in order to be worthy, I need to take in all the negative emotions.” And if you practice this, let yourself feel it, emotions have to move for it to shift your whole energy and physical system.

Candice Wu 45:46

Sometimes just shedding light on what the beliefs are underneath are ready, create a shift and allow for change to happen, so that you don’t have to live by that paradigm or dynamic anymore. Having these beliefs doesn’t mean all of you believes it. And certainly, your mind may not believe it at all, your mind may know completely differently. But there is a feeling sense inside that this is true on some level or in some part of you.

Candice Wu 46:14

So be very kind and compassionate with yourself. Because at this time, in our human consciousness, we are living with so many distorted belief sets and limiting beliefs and places of suffering. So be gentle and let these come to the surface with kindness, so that you can find a different way.

Candice Wu 46:38

So that’s all I have for you today. We talked today about having clear energetic boundaries, how to strengthen your boundaries, and protect yourself from absorbing other people’s energies, and how to sort out what’s going on inside of you and practices to feel healthy and balanced.

Candice Wu 46:57

And so in this next week, I will release three different healing practices that can support you in exactly what we talked about. The first one is about clearing energies back to where they belong, becoming whole again, reclaiming your own energy.

Candice Wu 47:11

The second one is about getting on the grid. This is an energetic way to center your energy system and to ground and the third one is a Family Constellations, healing exercise, to release responsibility for what’s not yours, and to receive only the best. This will support you and seeing other’s strength and wholeness through their entire family system, or through their spirits so that you’re not responsible for anyone else’s emotions, even if they don’t want to take responsibility for themselves.

Candice Wu 47:44

I hope you enjoy these and feel free as always, to let me know how they are, give me feedback, ask questions. And if there’s any aspect of what we talked about today, that’s missing, feel free to let me know, I’d be happy to hear from you.

Candice Wu 47:58

Thank you so much for listening today and if you found anything touching, interesting or helpful, I would be so grateful. If you thought about donating on patreon, you can find the information at CandiceWu.com/patreon. And even just $1 a month can support all the backend of this work, this podcast and all the creations that I put out there so that I can continue.

Candice Wu 48:24

I’m so grateful for all the people who have already donated and several of you have chosen to donate at the level where you can receive a personal meditation and I’ve just loved doing those. So you might consider it if you’re interested in a little bit of personal healing and to exchange.

Candice Wu 48:42

Before you go today, I would invite you to listen to more interviews, meditations, and explorations at CandiceWu.com/podcast and you can subscribe to my bi-monthly newsletter, become a member of the Embody Community at CandiceWu.com/embody. We can get lots of free resources on embodiment and healing, meditations and info about some good stuff coming up. On the Embody Community Facebook group, I’ve started to do some more live feeds where I’m sharing some healing tips and ideas that I’m thinking about that you can explore with me and interact with other people in the community. So that’s all for today and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This is the second healing meditation related to the series around energy boundaries and clearing any absorbed energies from outside of you.

You can find the full series of three meditations plus an introduction around tips and tools, about how to clear your energy to know when you’ve absorbed others’ energy and to use any opportunities of absorbing energy to bring more wisdom and strength.

You can find all that at CandiceWu.com/energy.

This particular meditation is called Getting on the Grid.

This was inspired by many experiences of my friends and me during grad school where we felt that we were ungrounded and had picked up on others’ energies after practicing sessions.

Purpose of Getting on the Grid

When we’re with or working with someone intimately with their inner world or with relationships, emotions, or anything that’s touching in at a deeper level, we may be having an energetic exchange at an unconscious level.

This meditation of getting on the grid is to support you in feeling grounded, centered, complete and whole, so that your energy boundary is strong, and that you can support yourself in being as clear and protected as possible from other outside energies.

This also allows you to come from the space of very deep respect and honoring for another person when you approach them, work with them, or if you’re in their presence.

So if you’re not a practitioner of healing work, or a therapist or a wellness practitioner of any sort, that’s okay, you can use this to feel centered in yourself no matter what kinds of interactions you are having.

The words “getting on the grid” actually came from an Alex Grey painting called, Theologue.

This painting is linked in the show notes at CandiceWu.com/energy.

And I highly recommend taking a look at it because it can help you have a visual for getting on the grid.

It’s a painting of a human in a lotus position with the legs folded.

In this person, the energy centers: the chakras, are all lined up the spine, and they’re lined up with a grid of the entire, what feels to me like the entire universe and surrounding this is this entire grid that maps out onto fire, mountains, earth, air, and space.

There’s an energy bubble around this person that feels like a strong energetic boundary and an aura of radiance.

The description under the painting is pretty complex, but it also gives a feel for this painting.

It says the union of human and divine consciousness, weaving the fabric of space and time in which the self and its surroundings are embedded.

And that’s exactly what getting on the grid feels like to me.

It’s aligning yourself to the grid of the universe, the grid of consciousness that you’re rooted and anchored in who you are, and nothing more.

So let’s jump into the meditation.

Take a moment to find a comfortable seated position where you feel supported and at ease.

So if that means placing a pillow or a block, like a Yoga block underneath you, a blanket rolled up. Support your body in feeling grounded and centered.

Now place your palms face down on your knees and touch your pointer fingers to your thumbs. This closes your energetic centers to yourself.

Just using this mudra, this hand position can also help you in grounding and closing off your energy boundaries so that you’re not giving away or receiving as much.

Now feel into your body exactly the way it is.

Sense your breath moving in and out of your nose or your mouth without changing it at all.

Notice any holding in your body, any tension or resistance to gravity and feel however it is to be in your body at this moment.

Awareness of the Energy Centers

Bring your awareness to your belly button.

We will first take a moment to sense into each of the energy centers, the chakras, and to circulate your awareness to the central channel of the body.

Sensing the belly button, take your awareness down to the pubic bone and now notice the perineum, the very base of the pelvis.

Now shift your awareness to your tailbone, and now the spine behind the belly button, and the spine behind the heart, the spine behind the base of the neck, or C7 vertebra.

Now notice the back of the head behind the third eye, the space between the eyebrows, and now the very crown of the head.

Sense the third eye, the space right in between the eyebrows, and now the base of the neck.

Feel into the center of the chest and now come all the way back to the belly button. Now continue to the pubic bone and now the perineum.

As you land on the perineum, draw an imaginary line from there up to the center of your diaphragm.

And now from this point, draw another line up from there through the chest up to the soft palate at the back of the roof of the mouth and imagine another dot there.

And from here, draw a line up to the very crown of the head, placing a fourth point there.

From the perineum at the base of the pelvis, the center of the diaphragm, the soft palate, and the crown of the head, imagine this central channel of the body called, Sushumna, all aligned vertically.

Notice your whole physiology as these four points in line. Imagine the rest of your body just falling away and with every breath out, just letting that exhalation grow longer, smoother, and deeper.

With this central channel of the body, imagine it syncing up with a universal grid. A grid of diagonal lines, vertical lines, and horizontal lines all to keep you rooted and anchored in time and space.

Alignment — Getting on the Grid

Feel yourself completely aligned with yourself, aligned with the universe and flowing, where you can release any holding or resistance and let your natural state be in sync with all.

Where you can see yourself completely connected to source to all things in complete harmony and as you feel yourself connected into this grid, sense your energy radiating and glowing out from the core of your being, that your energy boundary around you is strong, centered, and whole.

Feel free to visualize Alex Grey’s painting if that supports you in feeling grounded and centered.

As you sense into the four points of your body, from the perineum all the way up to the crown of your head, aligned with the gridding of the universe.

Let yourself be aware of any place in the body or in your senses that you’re aware of feeling centered, grounded, whole or calm.

Let those parts of you deepen and expand as you sense into them, staying with them for even longer.

Closing

Take as long as you’d like here and deepen into this feeling of getting on the grid.

And as you complete your meditation at your own pace, feel free to give a little movement to your body and slowly open the eyes.

This is a specific healing experiential or meditation that can support you if you feel that you've absorbed energy from someone or somewhere else or that you feel a little bit ungrounded, uncentered or icky after being in connection with someone else or a group of people, then you can practice this experiential to help clear your energy to also ground yourself and pull back all the energy that is yours that's out there.

Hello, and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

To start with, you might not believe in energy working in this way that you could send back energy to where it belongs or you could drop back in whatever is yours. I didn't for a long time, but as I kept practicing it and stumbled upon these practices that were overlapping in many different healing disciplines and spiritual disciplines, I found that I was able to access something that gave me a sense of how energy was working with me and how it's working through me. So, feel free to try this out for yourself and practice it over time, if it resonates with you, and if it doesn't, you can still practice it or you can scrap it, see what works for you.

This is the first healing experiential out of three that is in connection with the podcast introduction around energetic boundaries and having clear energetic boundaries. You can find the full series of this podcast including the discussion about clearing energetic boundaries, and how and what to do if you've absorbed energy from around you or from other people. That episode includes tips about cleansing and clearing your energy or just simple ways to feel in control and navigate energy as well as grounding yourself and healing any ruptures that are causing your energy boundary to be weaker or have a hole in it. You can find the full podcast at CandiceWu.com/energy. And now, let's jump into this meditation.

You can use this healing experiential and meditation when you feel that you have possibly absorbed some energy from outside of you, whether that's from a person, a group or a question. You can use it to check in on whether you've absorbed anything from outside of you or if you feel that your energy has been lost in some way, that you've given something that's yours, and you'd like to reclaim it.

If you're a therapist or energy worker, a healer in some way or you work with people in a deep and intimate way, this might be something you practice after your sessions with your clients or at the end of the day, this can help cleanse you so that you feel like yourself again, whole and grounded. If you're not a wellness practitioner, and you are a sensitive person or an empath or you just feel like you'd like to see if this is something that affects you of energy from outside affects you, you can practice this as well. Also, if you feel that you're having a particularly challenging situation with a person, a place or situation, you can use this tool, this meditation to also clear up the energy between you and whatever it is the thing that you're struggling with. So, let's begin.

Find yourself a comfortable seated position or lie down, and just let yourself release all of the day so far. Feel free to close your eyes, and drop all of your senses inward. Start to hear the sound of your own breath, feel the body from the inside out, and visualize the shape of your body. Begin to picture your breath going in and out of your body, and sense even deeper than the outer levels of the body, going into the cells, the tissues, muscles and even bones in the body. Sense any emotion that you're holding, and just let your body release even more.

Now, imagine your energetic field, and if that's tricky or doesn't make sense to you, just imagine your entire being, including your body and the space around you, and let yourself open to whatever color you might be if you were a color.

Notice whatever color your energy or your being would be, perhaps it's a combination of colors, let's see if there's an essential color that's yours at this moment, and it can be different from day to day, moment to moment.

Now, picture a person that you've been in touch with today or if you have a sense of where your energy is gone today or if you're holding on to someone else's energy, picture that person. If you're unsure of whose energy you may be holding or absorbed, just begin to picture someone that this energy belongs to. And as you picture that person or group of people, sense whatever color they might be if they had a color. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, just feel into the impression that you get.

Now, notice in yourself, where there's any color that belongs to this other person or these people. Picture where that is in your body and how much space it takes up, what it feels like in your body. And with your breath to help it along, send this energy back to whom it belongs to, and watch it release from your body, move into the air and back to anyone that this belongs to, and if that's tricky, you can also try releasing this energy into the universe, letting it dissolve and fade into nothingness.

Notice the sensation or emotion that might come up, whatever it is that you feel inside as you're releasing any energy that belongs to the other person or people, back to where it belongs.

And now, sense into the other person or the people you're noticing, look for where they're holding any of your color of energy. Sense where it is within them or within their energy field, and again, using your breath to support you, breathe this energy back into your body, back into your energy field, back into your space, and your being. Feel all of the energy that's yours come back to you, and notice whatever sensations are happening in the body, whether that's a tingling, a grief, tension, release, fullness, anything, this getting curious about whatever it is that you feel inside, however, this process is for you, and just double checking that you've received all of your energy back. You've reclaimed all that's yours, and that you've released all that's theirs.

Now, notice any part of you that's feeling expanded, grounded, calm or full, anything that feels good, pleasant or even neutral, and let yourself deepen and expand into any pleasant or neutral sensation in the body, any feeling of peace or feeling like yourself, and take as long as you'd like to hear just to feel into your own energy. If it's necessary to repeat the process with any other people you've been in contact with or someone in particular that you're having a challenging time with or challenging lifetime with, feel free to repeat this process as many times as you need, and at the end of your process, take some time to think yourself for clearing your own energy, reclaiming your energy and giving yourself the attention to rejuvenate yourself and cleanse.

And now, I'll leave you with about 30 seconds of silence that you can feel into whatever it is that you're with here and now, and you'll know when this meditation is over when you hear a little bit of music at the end.

Thank you so much for practicing today, and here's some silence for you.

This is the third of three healing experientials related to the episode about energy boundaries, and clearing absorbed energies as well as strengthening your boundaries. You can find the full podcast as well as the other two meditations at CandiceWu.com/energy.

Hello, and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

This practice is an amalgamation of family constellations, healing practices as well as somatic experiencing. Specifically, this healing experiential is to support you in feeling clarity in your order, and position in your ancestry. It is to support you in releasing any responsibility for other's emotions or their fates, what they bear in their life, any losses or traumas or emotions that are unintegrated from your family lineage from anyone in the past, what happens is sometimes we inherit them, we connect with them, and hold them with our family, and this healing experiential can help you release any of those energies or dynamics that belong to someone else, and shift you into the position, your true and natural position of who you are in your family system to receive the best from your family, to receive all the gifts, the strength, the love, and support, and to leave the rest.

This experience might go very deep for you, it might be challenging to connect with or doesn't resonate. See what happens for you, it is meant to be a taste of the family constellations work, and if you do decide to go further with it working with a clinician, whether that's a family constellations practitioner or another ancestral healing worker, in a group or individually, you can go very deep in shifting the connections of the ancestry that you've inherited, and the ways that you absorb others energy or have strong boundaries.

If you feel at any time that what you're experiencing is overwhelming or a bit too distressing, just pause the podcast, take a break, and let yourself rest in the safety of the present moment. Sense your surroundings and just find some grounding, feel free to come back to this exercise anytime or do it with some support, and just one other thing to mention is that our family lineage isn't exactly what equates to who we are in this world, we are much more than what we are given and who we are in a family system. We don't necessarily need to be dependent on the family lineage, but what happens is there are many unconscious dynamics that we are given that we're tied to. So, dynamics that we're not even aware of, and when we bring these to light, we can release them.

When we bring them to light as well, we also can see that we are much more powerful than the dynamics we are given, that we can tap into a spiritual sense that's far beyond our ancestry, that is the divine energy that's everywhere, that is who we are at the source. So, let's transition now and jump into the healing experiential.

For this particular activity, I'd invite you to stand up, and as you stand and I introduced the different aspects of the healing experiential, see what happens to your body position, to the way you are standing, whether it's easy or hard or where your weight is, what sensations you feel and where, what emotions, and anything you notice in terms of your movement or images that pop into your mind, thoughts, etc. So, we're just opening up to all the information that you could possibly receive and sense.

As I introduce each aspect, see what shifts for you and what might be staying the same, and just notice and get curious about that experience. We'll work with two parts your own family system as well as transferring that experience to another person in your life that you may be having a challenge with, whether you're absorbing their energy or you're not sure or there's just some very connected dynamic that you'd like to work with, we'll do those into segments.

The last bit of preparation is please be sure you have about 15 to 30 minutes from this point so that you can absorb and integrate what's happening in this healing experiential as well as give yourself some downtime in case some different emotions come up or you find out a new insight. So, here we go.

As you stand, just notice how you feel in your body right now. Feel free to keep your eyes open or close them or look down, just sensing inward. Feel your breath in and out of your body, and let your awareness go all the way down to your hips, your legs, your ankles, and your feet. Feel the bottoms of your feet, and just let your body be natural in whatever way it's expressing itself now or holding itself, letting your breathing just be the way it is, and if there's any movement or sensation, let that be expressed and felt.

Now, I invite you to sense and imagine behind you, your parents. If you have adoptive parents or other guardians or important people growing up, feel free to invite them as well.

Imagine one parent behind your right shoulder and one behind your left shoulder. If you have a father and a mother, place your father behind your right shoulder and mother behind left, and just notice what it's like as you imagine them right behind you. Notice any emotion, any experience, just getting curious and letting it be witnessed.

Now, invite your grandparents to stand behind them also in that order. Notice what it's like that they're in the picture as well. See what changes in your body, what might shift, and now, invite your great grandparents. Again, see any shift in yourself, any experience of sensation or emotion, and whether you know your great grandparents or not or even your grandparents, just inviting the presence of that person. It doesn't matter if they're dead or alive or if you were close to them or not, just sensing a presence, and let's continue to your great great grandparents, and farther back adding in their parents, and another two generations at least. Feel free to imagine as far back as you can imagine in your lineage, and just sense the magnificence of this family line that's still alive and strong today.

So, I invite you to turn around and face your family system, and just sense that this is your position. You are a child of your parents, and they're bigger than you. And take a moment if you feel that you are in the right place, just sensing into where your body might want to go. Sometimes, if you've learned early on unconsciously, that perhaps your parent needed someone to help them with certain emotions or your grandparent was absent, then you may have energetically moved to a different position without knowing it or perhaps knowing it. That's called parentification when you become the parent of your parent in some way. Sense whether any part of you has fitted position into another place, and not just ground herself in this place, coming back to your true and natural position of being a child to these parents.

We'll do one more piece of information gathering. If you skim the line of your lineage, just with an open heart and seeing beyond the mind. If you sense into your parents, then your grandparents, then farther and further back, do so slowly and just see if you are called to sense into any one particular person more, and what emotions you feel as you just hover your awareness over each person.

Notice if you feel a certain emotion, as you're aware of any particular person, for example, you might feel sadness as you look towards your grandma or you might feel anger or tension somewhere as you just sense back into the line of your family, and get curious about where you're feeling that and with home. This is not a process of blaming or anything at all, just gathering information about your sense and connection, and it's not necessary to know the exact facts or details, but you might have an awareness of what's connected with these emotions, what kinds of losses, traumas, challenges or situations may connect with the emotions you're sensing and picking up on. If something feels particularly intense, notice that as well.

Now, wherever you felt any emotion, whether that's intense or something that seems connected with someone else in your family line, see what happens if you just release any of those emotions back to who they belong.

You can even imagine a color or shape of emotion or energy and just let it go back to where this belongs, who it might belong to, and notice what happens in you as you do that. You may be carrying someone else's emotions in the family line, especially if that emotion was unintegrated or there was some sort of survival mode or having to move forward after something challenging or overwhelming.

So, check-in with yourself. See if there's anything else that you need to release back to where it belongs, back to whose story that belongs to. It might not be an emotion, it might just be a sense of a feeling or some sort of energy, and then coming back to your sense and grounding of yourself, and as you look upon this family line, your ancestry, feel in your true and natural position, your right position. Feel into the strength, whatever strength there is of this family line and the gifts that you can receive from them. See this family line connected all the way to the source that's behind everyone, and let herself receive from this position, the best of the lineage. Feel free to open your arms as your palms up, as if to receive anything that this family system wants to provide you or give you.

Try out the words: thank you or I receive only the best from you, and I leave the rest or I'm responsible only for myself, you are responsible for you and their support behind me.

Notice any emotions or sensations in your body as you experience these words. Again, the words are: I receive the best from you, and I leave the rest. I'm responsible only for myself, you are responsible for you and their support behind me.

And if that's challenging to see that support or that responsibility, in others in your family line, look farther back to see where there is support, where there is strength, responsibility enoughness, and take a few more moments to feel into anything that's strengthening, grounding or beautiful in this lineage.

Now, thank yourself and thank your family lineage for showing up and showing all of this to you, and when you feel ready, I invite you to turn back around so that they're all behind you. Feel their presence behind you just the best, just the love, the strength, and the gifts as you face the world.

Notice how your body stands. Feel your breath. Notice what it's like to be in your body at this time.

And now, I invite you to segment 2, inviting someone that's close to you forward, someone that you feel challenged with, perhaps someone you feel like you are absorbing their energy or their emotions, invite whoever that is, forward in front of you. You can be as close or as far away as you need to be to feel comfortable.

This may also be someone that you feel responsible for that it isn't your place to feel that way, with that you tend to give advice to or feel lethargic or drained after you see them. You look towards them. I want you to imagine their family line all behind them, just as you did yourself, their parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and just keep going as far back as you can imagine, even if you don't know any of these people or they're dead or alive. You can also imagine any other loving support that this person has to stand behind them, and feel whatever it is you feel as you look upon them with all of these people behind them supporting.

Now, feel the words, just as you did for yourself with your family line: I am responsible for only myself, you are responsible for you, and to have support behind you. And see the strength of their lineage, whether or not they can see it themselves. See farther back if you need to, the source, the love, or the light behind all of this family.

See that this person has everything they need in their family system, and within themselves, to be whole, to heal if they need to heal, to be themselves, and that you are not responsible for them. You're responsible for only you. See them with this deep respect and honoring that they are responsible for their own journey just as your parents are, just as each member of your family is, best as you care for yourself.

Take as long as you'd like here to sense into this dynamic and into this presence, into whatever it is you're feeling inside, letting it be noticed, letting it move if it wants to move, and when you feel complete, thank all of the parts of this person and their family line for showing up and release them into the universe. Thank your family line, your ancestry for showing up and just release them as well, and thank yourself for doing this very deep practice and exploring in this way.

Take your time to feel into whatever it is that came up for you, and whatever it is that you feel now, and I'll leave you with a little bit of silence that you can just breathe through your body wherever you're feeling any sensation or emotion, anything at all. You'll know when this guided practice is over when you hear a little bit of music at the end.

Thank you so much for practicing today and I'll see you next time.

Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is about being in ease, doing what feels good, and being in your true flow in harmony with yourself and also aligning to pleasure as the key to Prajna, complete action.

Candice Wu 0:22
Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57
Before we jump in today, I want to mention a really special interview that I'm going to be on, called In Response: Interviews with Intriguing Internalizers by Mia Park. Mia Park was one of the guests on the Embody Podcast and also an old friend from our Yoga training together, advanced Yoga training. And, she's doing thoughtful interviews with all sorts of people all around the world most they're her friends and delighted to be on the show.

Candice Wu 1:29
If you want to tune into how I've been experiencing the outer world, especially during this time, internalizers, according to Mia are thoughtful, creative, sensitive spirits who internally process life in rich and unique ways. And these interviews are live-streamed on her Facebook and YouTube accounts. And so you can tune in and ask me some questions if you want during it live and hear a little more in-depth about what's been happening with me and how I've been internalizing and they just say everything.

Candice Wu 2:04
You can find the info linked to the show notes here and also there will be a short link that's at [CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview](https://CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview). The live interview is going to be taking place on May 30th, Saturday at 12 pm Chicago time at Central Time, USA, May 30th. So hope to see some of you tuning in that would be so fun to see you out there alongside us.

Candice Wu 2:37
This episode is sponsored by the Embodied Healing group that happens monthly. Join me and one or two others for a group healing experience that supports you in feeling more present in your being, more capacity to meet yourself in your daily experience, and build the tools to navigate whatever it is you're going through that come from Somatic Experiencing, Family Constellations, an integrative blend of all sorts of indigenous and Embodied Healing practices. You can find that along with all of the other offerings at [CandiceWu.com/offerings](https://CandiceWu.com/offerings).

Candice Wu 3:16
Over the years, I've found that it has taken actual practice to do what feels good, to do what feels easeful, you'd think it would just come easy, not for me, and it seems like not for most people. But luckily, it does come easier and easier. And this is really working on our state of being, being in joy and doing what satisfies us on a deep level.

Candice Wu 3:45
I want to give a shout out to a listener, Jean, who really is interested in this topic of Prajna, complete action and has also encouraged me to talk about it more on the podcast.

Candice Wu 4:00
I love the concept of Prajna. And it's something that I've worked with, to be more in line with overall the years of my life. It's doing what feels so complete in the moment because you're clear in your intention, you're really connected with why you're doing something, and in an easeful, natural, organic way, so you know why you're doing something, and when you do it, it's satisfying already in the act of doing it. It is already complete in the act of doing it because you don't expect anything further from it. But, when we're so intentional, complete, and that intention comes from a very true place and is aligned with who we are, aligned with our deepest values and the moment, what wants to particularly come through us in this existence, then we have typically some really beautiful gifts that come from it. Beautiful outcomes, beautiful returns, or abundance that just come full circle. Because it already is a circle in itself. It's complete. It's an integrated action that doesn't ask for more.

Candice Wu 5:33
And in so doing, it's so whole that abundance and beautiful things just want to follow. And it is like a gift from the universe, from life itself, to receive what comes your way after something. And it's so nice because you don't truly expect it and it's almost you're coming from a neutral place where you don't push or pull in one direction or the other, where it's okay if you didn't get what came to you. And it's just delightful that it did come.

Candice Wu 6:11
I just finished reading Tosha Silver's book, It's not your money. And in that book, there was this lovely quote that relates to this and I'll read it too. “Ironically, when you let the divine take the lead, old desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave.”

Candice Wu 6:40
So you may have wanted something in the past, old desires, but when you let divine take the lead, she says all desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway. So the things that you probably wanted, will likely come and she says as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave. You're not beholden to these things that you expect and tied to them, tethered to them, and living out of this need for them.

Candice Wu 7:15
And I love the word, “their slave” because that really gives that punch in the gut feeling of how we are bound to certain outcomes and they really enslave us.

Candice Wu 7:28
So with action that is complete in the moment that is so pleasurable or delightful or so in line with what you believe in, and you are doing it because you believe in that. And it doesn't have to be some giant thing. It could just be because it's pleasurable, and you're worthy of it, and it's enjoyable and you love doing it, then you really are in a state of being in freedom, and delight and joy. And from there all possibilities of more freedom and abundance can flow, you're in a flow.

Candice Wu 8:10
If you've been following the podcast, you know, I've been talking about having this identity crisis with the podcasts like, what's this going to become? I need a break. I don't know what to do with this. Something doesn't feel right. And you know, what's been happening is that if I feel inspired, I just talk and do something on the podcast. And if I don't, I just wait and possibly do a rerun episode right now.

Candice Wu 8:38
I'm just letting the flow of whatever feels interesting to me come through. And that connects right with that topic of Prajna, complete action and doing what feels pleasurable. So I realized that I don't have to figure out what this podcast is about. I mean, it's about embodiment. Of course. It's about loving yourself. It's about deepening in your presence of who you are. That's all really the same. But I don't know, I thought there was some sort of format that was going to shift or come through. And it actually has, some of these episodes are shorter and some of these episodes just go straight to an experiential instead of having like, many connected to them, which I was doing in the past.

Candice Wu 9:24
I had that astrology reading recently from Elena S. — instagram.com/hiddengiftastrology, and she's amazing. So right on.

Candice Wu 9:34
And in that last reading, as I mentioned, maybe a handful of episodes ago. She said you will be going through a shift in who you are in the public and in your relationships. And so naturally, that's all happening. It was happening even before she had told me that, and with this podcast as well. And I realize, you know, this identity crisis is really about me, it's really about what's changing and breaking down in me.

Candice Wu 10:10
The other day, it felt like there was an earthquake rippling through my body, like breaking my body in half. Luckily, I have enough capacity to be with myself through that experience now, and I had a lovely, loved one that was with me on the phone and just being present with me. That felt so helpful. But there's this dismantling happening on the inside and I imagine a lot of you are going through that too, like, what's breaking down inside of you? What's been here for some time and wanting to make its way through so that you can be more you and you don't have to define that.

Candice Wu 10:58
So what I realized, long story short is what I realized is that you don't have to make some giant proclamation of who you are. It doesn't have to be like a coming-out necessarily, or some structured form that you define and declare, although structure can be wonderful in certain occasions when it's helpful? But maybe your way now is to not be so structured or certain but to allow things in their raw form, in there maybe quivery, wobbly, revealing, and emerging state come through.

Candice Wu 11:41
It's precisely for that reason that I love watching horses that have just been birthed, babies, fowls start to learn they have legs and slowly find a little bit of balance, like super wobbly balance with them, fall over, maybe take one little step, and then just wipe out. I love watching it. Because it's so sweet. It's so natural. It's what we're here to do. Be in ourselves totally, exploring, coming into this moment, and just being with the moment, however, it is in its newness and its uncertainty, in its development and allowing that to take its shape as it goes along.

Candice Wu 12:33
Luckily, I am still near the ocean and I think it's really helping me because I have been in surrender mode and just flowing with where things take me and definitely feeling the waves of intensity, forward and back. But what I'm finding is this process of surrender and tuning into what's pleasurable and joyful and allowing that to take the lead, gets us to what we're uniquely here to do, and to experience. There's this unlearning, unconditioning, unknowing, and undoing of layers of beliefs and messaging and shoulds.

Candice Wu 13:26
And in this time of Coronavirus 19, we get to see the outpouring of our lives as they have been untouched in its full momentum for many years. Now we have had this giant shift. I guess I wouldn't say break because for some it's not a break, but very intense contrast to what our lives have been for most of us, and we get to see what we created unintentionally and intentionally.

Candice Wu 14:00
And it's not to say that things are your fault, or if you got sick, it's your fault, or if someone is experiencing real hardship, it's their fault. It's not that at all. It's just that what is it that you're here to learn, do, and be? And what is this particular time showing you? What the body knows through our lineages creation is also here. Meaning, what is the action over time of things that are through the ancestry. Things that are unintegrated and integrated. What is the knowing that's passed down through generations, and what needs to be looked at so that it completes itself? We get to see what we're attached to or dependent on, what we're drawn to, what we feel we need.

Candice Wu 15:00
And then we get to go to the deeper layers of meeting ourselves, seeing where all that came from, and being with ourselves in those emotions.

Candice Wu 15:12
Of course, you might as well you know, you might also just be watching Netflix and eating and just trying to get through it, so this may not be an incredibly healing time, like a time you focus on going deeper, but it may just be getting through it. And that's okay too.

Candice Wu 15:31
So just going back to the old ways, part of the old ways for me is to plan a form of something, creating a structure and, or creating some intention and moving towards that. Now, it's the softer intention of just letting pleasure lead the way and pleasure in all forms. Sometimes that's just a momentary sensory experience that I get to enjoy and savor. And to let that be the front of your experience can really change your life. It changed mine, at least, when I first began doing that, I was like, wow, I can savor a good experience. But there are so many problems to look at. There are so many things to solve. And just going direct, going directly to the joy, going directly to pleasure, and having it, you're worthy of it. You're here for it, you exist for it.

Candice Wu 16:30
And just think if everyone on the planet did that right now, chose something that felt pleasurable, and even if your experience isn't pleasurable, you don't have access to something, to look at something pleasurable around you, to tune into a color that's around you that's pleasurable or a plant or some part of nature, an object in your space or even touching your body in a soothing or comforting way. We can find it everywhere.

Candice Wu 17:07
And if we all did that, this planet would be really different. If we moved towards what truly is ours, to experience here, and what we want from that deeply connected place of who we are, then this world will be really different.

Candice Wu 17:32
So what makes you feel alive?

Candice Wu 17:35
What makes you feel satisfied?

Candice Wu 17:38
And this is not going to be a similar answer to anyone else. But where do you flourish?

Candice Wu 17:47
And inevitably, when you flourish, when you choose pleasure and joy when you choose what's in line for you, that raises your vibration and if you don't like those words, that expands you, that brings you to a fullness, that is the action that is complete because you chose, it's already pleasurable. You don't have to expect more from it, then that gives a lot to people, that gives people the ability to see, wow, I can choose that for myself too, maybe I'll want to join in that peaceful, joyful, delightful place. It empowers people when you empower yourself that way.

Candice Wu 18:35
So I want to go back to Prajna for a moment because what we're really talking about here is a state of being and with action that is complete in itself in the moment. It's really about the state of being we're in and if that's who you want to be.

Candice Wu 18:56
For a long time in my life, I felt kind of whiplashed and pushed and pulled around by the experiences that would happen outside of me. And I can still get triggered, of course. I can still feel activated inside by something outside and I learned from it. But I see it all very differently now where the experiences outside of me are that chance to get to know something deeper about me, and to grow in my own empowerment, and wholeness.

Candice Wu 19:32
And before it was like, wanting to control what's outside of me. And from that place, I could see this concept of our state of being playing out. I wasn't really working with my state of being. I was coming from a place of doing than having and then being, and that place is the power outside of us.

Candice Wu 20:00
So if I do X, Y, and Z, then I'll have X, Y, and Z. And I will be happy or I will be at peace. So peace came last, joy came last, in that train of events.

Candice Wu 20:19
And so you can see how, that's not quite a complete action because when we do something, to get something else, to feel something, then we rely and depend on all these outer forces to give us some sort of fulfillment or meaning, some feeling or some — we want it to amount to something. And then we feel satisfied. And so you're really subject to the outer world.

Candice Wu 20:51
Whereas, coming from a state of being where you be, do, and then have as a natural outcome of your state of being, this is where we are abundantly connected with ourselves, feel the power from within, to choose our state of being, to take care of ourselves, if that's not the state of being we're in, to integrate fully all the parts of who we are and acting from that place of our state of being who we want to be. But not just mentally defining it being in that state of being.

Candice Wu 21:38
So, if you want to be in peace, or if you want to vibrate on the level of contentment or joy or being at ease in yourself, being in trust, whatever it is, it's connecting with how that feels in your body and connecting with the energy state in your body that goes with it. And feeling that openness where as much of you is on board with that resonance as possible.

Candice Wu 22:17
When I act from this place, I feel deeply satisfied and like, there's nothing more that needs to happen than what just happened and I feel really in the experience. Whether that's feeling anxious in it or joyful in it, doesn't matter. It's just being really in it for what it is, for the sake of being and doing in that experience alone.

Candice Wu 22:48
And then in the aftermath, what pours out of it, I feel mostly neutral about except there is delight, but there's like a grounded delight. There's perhaps even excitement and enjoyment of the fruits of that. And if it's not something fruitful, if it turns out to be some criticism I receive or a dud of an experience, it doesn't feel as disappointing because of that deeper neutrality and equanimity.

Candice Wu 23:22
And when it does feel more intense or activating, where it feels like an intense high or something or a real low, it shows me the hidden parts, the unconscious parts of what I may have been expecting or wanting out of it. Where there's some part of me dependent on an outer source of validation or an outer source to arrive to me. Giving me something that I wanted and I get to see what that is.

Candice Wu 24:06
So the key to all of this, in my opinion, is connecting with pleasure. And as I mentioned, it's simple pleasures and also deeper, more meaningful pleasures.

Candice Wu 24:16
If you're already attuned to pleasure, then it's simple. It's easy to just allow your body to follow it, just like an animal in the wild, knows exactly what feels good. They don't have to think about it. They just do and be and are with themselves in nature, going about their way naturally. And when they're hungry, they go for it. When they're restful and enjoying, they're doing it, they're not thinking about doing something else. It's easy. And so their body is naturally attuned for that.

Candice Wu 24:54
And for us, if we've been attuned to constantly focusing on challenges, hardships, if we've had a lot of trauma, if you've been conditioned to believe that you're not worthy of pleasure or joy, or contentment or peace, or having that has come with danger, then our body protects and says, No, I can't have that. It would be scary to have that.

Candice Wu 25:24
So just respect if that's what your body is going through, and to work with, however, your body is experiencing, diving into pleasure and enjoyment, working with perhaps if your body is overwhelmed, but if your body is overwhelmed, tuning into pleasure can also help it. And just know that if there is a lot of overwhelm in your body that if you tune into pleasure and feel it in your body, it can easily swing back to uncomfortable feelings.

Candice Wu 26:01
In Somatic Experiencing, Peter Levine calls that going into the healing vortex is feeling pleasure or contentment, or feeling “good” feelings. And that will pendulate to the trauma vortex, will pendulate to the things that are uncomfortable.

Candice Wu 26:23
And the way I understand that is that our capacity wants to grow as a whole. So when you feel more expansion and pleasure, you're going to expand in your ability to feel all uncomfortable things too. And those things may surface making more room for pleasure. Or, just poke their heads up and say, Yeah, we want attention too. But you can start with just feeling what's pleasurable in the moment, finding it in your day to day and as you find it and identify it, feel it in your body. Enjoy what's happening. Savor it truly and be present with it. Let your experience be so full that you get lost it.

Candice Wu 27:19
And if being in pleasure, is hard for you, just do it a little at a time, a couple of breaths. If your capacity for feeling pleasure and all sorts of experience, unpleasant as well is very large, then the invitation to dive in deeper and more often is here for you.

Candice Wu 27:43
So… find the sweetness in the day. And if it's possible, create it or move towards it. Feel what your body wants, what it would enjoy, what brings it joy, what lights it up?

Candice Wu 28:02
And to tune into how your body feels when it feels joy, where you feel that joy, how you know that that is joy is a bit of practice. So, take some time for that.

Candice Wu 28:17
Where in my body do I feel joy?

Candice Wu 28:22
How do I know that something feels pleasurable to me?

Candice Wu 28:25
And how can I feel that and can I be with it?

Candice Wu 28:32
Let your mental processing or rationality just step to the side a little bit to make room for what your body knows is deeply enjoyable.

Candice Wu 28:46
And it can be sex, it can be sensuality. It can be whatever is kinky or fun.

Candice Wu 28:55
It also can be what gives your heart satisfaction and meaning. Or, wherever the energy is that just drives you and gives you aliveness.

Candice Wu 29:12
I'll just give you two quick examples of when this happened for me, and it almost like, I didn't even need to think about it. But I've also practiced a lot and not thinking too much, but just following what my body wants is when, recently, in the process of me working on an outline for a book, someone suggested to read other books that are in that same genre and area.

Candice Wu 29:42
And my thought was, I don't want to read. This is so exhausting. Like, I just don't have any room for that right now. And then a friend sent Tosha Silver's book to me, It's not your money, and I just was like, Hmm, this is interesting. And I began to read it. And by the next day and a half, I was done reading it. Yeah, I was just so energized by it, I just kept going. I followed it. And luckily, I had space in my day to do so. And my life supports that. And I've created a life that does support that. So I just read that book in less than two days.

Candice Wu 30:26
And another example is when I really wanted to get a car, just last year. I wanted to get a car that I could camp in and I wanted to create this back area of a camper that I could sleep in. I was super excited about it. I went into full-blown woodworking mode and was constructing these boards for the bottom, the base, and looking into like foam mattresses and all these little like, screens, and things I would need to sustain myself outside in nature, in this car.

Candice Wu 31:06
And I remember my mom asking me, where are you going to camp? What are you going to do once this is done?

Candice Wu 31:12
And literally, I was like, I don't know. I just know I need to do this, like, this just feels so important than good. It was just so satisfying at the time. And I did go camping in it. And it was a very scary experience, actually. I talked about it on the podcast. I'll link it in the show notes if you want to hear about it. But it did lead me to a number of events, a series of important events that gave me information about past lives and helped me feel way more integrated in myself.

Candice Wu 31:47
I haven't gone camping that much after that, but I want to and of course, now that's out of the question with everything happening with the virus but these are two instances where my body just felt compelled to move and do what it wanted to do. And it felt so good. And it really didn't matter what was going to happen after that. It was a lot of fun.

Candice Wu 32:18
And even to the point of making certain stock and investment decisions with my body sense and pendulum, and just trusting the flow of things and trusting that there's something that I know more deeply inside of me that can direct what's right for me to do.

Candice Wu 32:41
And I think there are some losses that come out of that, but it's not really relevant to my concerns. It's not really that important. But I enjoy the state of being. It really works for me and I think if you would have asked me 10 years ago, if this is how I'd be, I would say, I don't think so. That's, you know, to my logical self at that time, it probably wouldn't have worked out. I don't think I would understand how that kind of life would work. But this feels much more easeful and joyful and natural. And it brings back our wild, it brings back what's innate to us, instinctual.

Candice Wu 33:29
So this is just the opening of a very big topic of pleasure as our compass and alignment. I wanted to share that with you today, along with the concept of Prajna and our state of being, guiding us in our lives and feeling flow from within us and our connection with all that is.

Candice Wu 33:53
The other thing too is that pleasure for me has grown, the more I followed pleasure, the more I've attuned to it, the more I can focus on it naturally and it's just part of my every day.

Candice Wu 34:09
Of course, there are times where things are hard and I use pleasure to bring my nervous system into more capacity. And then also on the other side of things, the things that are unpleasant, or have been in the past, have become more pleasurable.

Candice Wu 34:28
I really even enjoy feeling grief now because I get to know myself more deeply. It's like a sacred moment with myself, sadness, anger, even. Sometimes I may not like it, but when I can really be in touch with the feeling, there is some pleasure in it, and just feeling, being alive and feeling.

Candice Wu 34:51
And so with pleasure as our alignment, it also is that pleasure can encompass everything, that more and more of our experience can fall under the experience of pleasure over time as we build our capacity and pleasure is one of the ways we build our capacity. Because our nervous systems says all. There's beauty, there's safety, there's enjoyment, that must mean things are okay, that must mean, Wow. It is beautiful. There's a lot of possibility here.

Candice Wu 35:28
So, just leaving you with, where is pleasure now? And what would you do if you chose pleasure as your alignment and as your way to make decisions? How would your life change? How would this moment change if you touched into and could savor what was pleasurable right now?

Candice Wu 35:58
Wishing you all the pleasure. Wishing you presence with yourself and that you're okay in this time.

Candice Wu 36:05
And as always, if you want to reach out or share, feel free too, you can connect with me at my website candicewu.om.

Candice Wu 36:14
Thank you so much and also feel free to stay in touch if you'd like to, through my newsletter candicewu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 36:24
Thanks so much for joining me today and a little music to transition out. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is specifically about the fact that you cannot be more worthy or enough and it’s set to music in the background so that you can receive this like a download.

Candice Wu 0:13

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:27

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artists sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations, and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers, and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:49

Before we begin, I’d like to invite you to an Embodied Healing group call that’s happening monthly. This is for you if you’re craving embodied support, empowering connection, and healing guidance that is transformative, supporting you and ease in your body and spirit, tapping into your intuition and your inner wisdom and using Somatic and Ancestral healing techniques to release, reclaim, and rejuvenate through whatever you’re experiencing, what you desire, or any challenges each month.

Candice Wu 1:24

Each group is limited to four members. And the group call is an hour long. So check it out, it’s on my page at CandiceWu.com/patreon. This is a lovely exchange, especially because all of this supports the Embody Podcast in continuing forward in the back end production. And I also get to give back to the community in an affordable way. So check it out, and hope you join us.

Candice Wu 1:53

This episode is also inspired by one of the patrons on Patreon who requested something specifically about worthiness and being in alignment with their light. So I hope you enjoy this.

Candice Wu 2:12

Before we jump in, I also want to acknowledge some feedback that I received from a listener. I’m so grateful that you shared your reactions with me about the Anger podcast. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, it’s the podcast about reclaiming your anger and moving through anger as a way to feel yourself, feel empowerment, to know yourself, and to let your expression be honored. It is found at CandiceWu.com/anger. And it comes with a couple of healing experiential that you can practice on your own, so that you can move through anger with a little more ease. And in that podcast, I talked about how some people found it controversial, to move with their anger or to feel their anger. That there is a taboo about anger. And there’s this idea of it being dangerous, and how it’s paired up with aggression when anger in itself is helpful.

Candice Wu 3:17

So this is a letter from a listener.

Candice Wu 3:20

Candice, your Anger podcast is one of the best things I’ve listened to in a long, long time. And as you may or may not remember, anger is like my number one issue since I was a little kid. And identify so much with this podcast. What was absolutely fascinating to me was the idea that from some circles, expressing anger could lead to more anger. And it’s an idea I’ve heard before but one that seems annoying. I don’t know if those same circles would say that expressing sadness would lead to more sadness or expressing grief would lead to more grief. Some circles still stigmatized anger, as something that very expression of it could damage the person expressing it.

Candice Wu 4:01

And he continued on to share another bit, that to allow grief and sadness, to label them as health, but condone anger and label it as dangerous or childish is painful, at worst, deeply masochistic, and ultimately, suicidal at very worst. Emotions must be expressed in a safe way, and they do not perpetuate by being moved. However, ways of being do perpetuate. Anger is not a way of being, in my opinion, it’s an emotion and therefore needs to be moved so that ways of being can shine.

Candice Wu 4:34

So to this listener, I love what you shared. Thank you so much for your thoughts, your reactions, your personal experience. And I completely agree with you. I love how you said that, having anger, moving anger is not a way of being. And actually, I would add to that if you are staying in the anger, if the anger is living in your system, and it’s not being moved, it’s stuck there, it actually becomes a way of being.

Candice Wu 5:04

You start to get angry at all people around you, when they’ve just done something tiny to slight you, or you scream at people in the car who’ve cut you off, or start to get mad at people that didn’t really do something terrible, but have done something that might be irritating. The level of tension, the baseline is already increased and that becomes a way of being if you let that sit in you.

Candice Wu 5:30

And I always say “Just because you don’t express something, it doesn’t mean it’s not already there.”

Candice Wu 5:37

So when we have anger, if we don’t express it in a safe way, in ways that are productive and help it move, it actually is still there. Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean it’s not. So thank you so much to this listener. If you’re out there listening, I appreciate what you shared. And as always, I’m just loving all the feedback that people send my way about their thoughts, questions, further inspiration, and ideas. So thank you.

Candice Wu 6:08

So if you’re interested in listening to the episode that I’m referring to about anger, go ahead and go to my website at CandiceWu.com/anger.

Candice Wu 6:18

I am so glad you’re here with me today. I’m in Brian Head, Utah. And at the time that I’m recording this, is just a couple of days before the Soul Body Healing Retreat, and I’m taking my own time to heal. And what’s been coming to me very powerfully, is this experience of worthiness and being enough. I find that whenever I’m in some form of suffering, in some place where I feel some depression or sadness, not like myself, just all out of whack, when I get down to the bottom of it, it usually has to do with being enough in myself, being worthy, loving myself. And of course, along that journey is the ability to feel through different emotions and other beliefs that come up, that tangle up with myself worse and being enough.

Candice Wu 7:17

Do you experience this too? Do you notice in yourself the desire to keep up or compete with someone else, jealousy or trying to fit into a certain way of being that’s just not quite you? Feeling obligated to do things? Feeling exhausted when you get home or throughout the day, your body feeling tense or sick?

Candice Wu 7:43

Some of these are signals and messages from our soul, from our body, and spirit telling us that there’s something to heal or some belief, sad or deep, core belief around worthiness or unworthiness that is wanting to be looked at, so you get to your true self, so that you get to your true worthiness and light and all the gifts that are inside that will meet up with all the gifts from the outside. Because isn’t that part of what we’re afraid of is if we’re truly ourselves, then we won’t get something we need, we think we need or we won’t receive something from our outer world that we’re truly wanting. And if we just fit in the right way, we think that we’ll get those things. But we actually recreate and enact the belief of unworthiness, and constantly fight to get it.

Candice Wu 8:44

So this is the inspiration for this podcast today. And I invite you to have a cup of tea, coffee or beverage of your choice, Kombucha, anything that you like. Sit back, grab a blanket or pillows, something cozy, or if you’re on your commute, to just get your body in the most comfortable place you can, close your eyes if you feel safe and good. Or just relax and take this in as a bit of an energetic download. And let this download connect up with the resonance that’s already deep down in you, in your core that already knows that you are worthy, that already knows that you are enough, that already has love and light in you. Let yourself remember.

Candice Wu 9:44

So let’s begin.

Candice Wu 9:48

You cannot be more worthy or more enough. Nothing you can do will make yourself more worthy at the core. We think that we need to do all sorts of things and achieve things so that we’re seen for who we are. So that we can make money or receive some accolades. And while all those things can be worthwhile, deep down, you are already worthy. It’s a complete given, that you’re worthy.

Candice Wu 10:33

You can use your experiences, your accomplishments, your daily deeds, and intentions as a tool to feel your own worth. But if you let yourself and your worth ride on these experiences, you may still end up empty. If you had that experience, where you’ve tried and tried and done something out of that place of “I’m not enough” or “I need to be seen or else or I need to do this or else” and once you accomplish it, you’re pretty much in the same place as you were, it doesn’t quite satisfied. It doesn’t quite quench the need for deep love from the inside that you’re already worthy.

Candice Wu 11:35

You are worthy of your existence, your life itself speaks you’re worth. That you’re here at all is in itself, the gift of being enough. You already are. And that was already decided when you came, before you came. And this life was designed by you, given to yourself, knowing this worth and playing out any of the untruths and misbeliefs that you’ve collected over the years. The energies that have been accumulating that are not true or not aligned with your true self and this life to find again, and reconnect, align with who you actually are. There’s nothing you need to do. Nothing you can do to increase your worthiness. It is a given.

Candice Wu 12:53

We came into being as children and needed the reflection, the mirroring, the validation, and love of our parents, the attunement, so that we could learn who we truly are. And often we didn’t get that, often the soul or spirit of our parents was somewhere else or had inherited its own set of limits. And we’re here to release those dependencies to know that we are much more powerful in ourselves, that yes, well, we can receive from others, we can completely love ourselves, learn to love ourselves, and harness all of those energies in us that are our full power.

Candice Wu 13:58

Or when we decide that we need someone else to give us that worthiness or love or something else, some achievement, some belonging, some person to validate us, money, anything at all from the outside, when we decide that those are the things that give us worthiness, we have dispersed or power and we will never be in our full power. The fullness, the wholeness, comes with turning that energy of looking outward, to know ourselves. Turning that energy to look inward, reflecting to ourselves, the light and the love that we actually are. It’s a given that you’re worthy.

Candice Wu 15:00

Are you worthy of abundance? You absolutely are!

Candice Wu 15:08

Abundance exists as you. You are abundance itself in human form. Because you are the source energy in a living physical body. The reality of abundance is you. It is your existence and money is related right with the energy of abundance.

Candice Wu 15:41

Money and abundance is merely an energy and it’s the source energy. It’s being aligned with the source of yourself, the source of the universe, the source of all creation that is divine, that is sacred, pure and clear.

Candice Wu 16:01

There’s an inner being in you, that knows this clarity that knows the source of yourself. That is the self of all beings, that is intricately and lovingly connected to all beings and the whole experience. In this energy that is abundance and money is the energy and exchange of source, this joy, goodness, ease, power, expansiveness, acknowledgment, fullness, freedom, intuition. It’s the state of well being and prosperity that you are absolutely worthy of.

Candice Wu 16:50

You cannot be more worthy. You cannot be more lovable and enough in your own unique way. You are consciousness itself, knowing itself in all its multiple forms, both seen and unseen. You are completely worthy of the joy that you desire.

Candice Wu 17:28

Joy is being in alignment with yourself. Just being in your purpose, in your expression, and what gets in the way, we get tied up in thinking we need to be someone else in another person’s idea or way of life. Perhaps we’ve inherited unconsciously ways of life that are not who we are. We’ve inherited energies, beliefs, ways of being and holding our bodies, ways of moving that don’t quite feel like our own way. And that’s exactly right.

Candice Wu 18:14

Because those energies just want some acknowledgment so that they can go or that they can be released back to where they belong. And we can be clear again in our truer self or perhaps a previous wound or experience is tapping on our shoulder or begging us to look at it instead of not look, to acknowledge and honor instead of disown or reject, or resist. And all of that, just making its way to the surface so we can clear out this body, clear out this soul and be in our pure spirit, lightness, the joy, the ease, the power, and worthiness.

Candice Wu 19:16

We can’t ignore those things any longer. We can’t ignore the things that are tapping on our shoulder and knocking at our door. Because those are here to try to help us get to who we are. To help us come back to experiencing all of the ways we can experience and then to know the freedom of creating our experience, the freedom of being at ease, embodied in ourselves.

Candice Wu 19:57

The place of spirit where previous action and Karma, myths, stories, and beliefs that are of the past that are blocking our fullness now can be restored back to its source energy.

Candice Wu 20:30

We are made to experience pleasure to experience all emotions as pleasurable. But also with the freedom to choose the kind of pleasure that we want to experience. And the freedom being that we can have the bandwidth, we can feel through all kinds of experiences. And we have the power to focus our energy towards the kind of experience we desire deeply in our spirit, connected with the source.

Candice Wu 21:09

We’re made to experience our worthiness, through our sexuality, which is our creative energy. We are more than worthy of experiencing our specific sexuality, the way that it is, the way that it comes to us as right and aligned and the way we want to create, whether that’s life, another being, another human. Whether that’s expression in using your voice, using your body, exploring, doing a project and making something, moving toward something, all of that in our ease, in our inspiration, instead of from fear or the place of not enough, or from the obligations that we think we need to do.

Candice Wu 22:18

You are more than worthy of your health and optimal health, where your energy is flowing because the source energy, the creative energy behind everything, and that is you, is energy flowing.

Candice Wu 22:37

And we can relate to the body, which is the tool to contain the source energy, and that can give us the movement and the manifestation, the concreteness to live the life we want to experience, aligned with who you are.

Candice Wu 22:58

You could not be more worthy of all the love that you want from the inside and from the outside, a relationship that you want, the relationships that you want. And to know your power and respect that it all begins from the inside, from your own loving, your own worth and value that is a given in your life. That is the way to be remembered and to flow into.

Candice Wu 23:40

Sometimes we aren’t in our joy, aren’t in our pleasure or alignment, and we can see ourselves quite literally moving toward someone else, our energy going out toward someone else, to protect someone, perhaps, friends or family and what they can have or do have.

Candice Wu 24:07

Sometimes it happens unconsciously, where we believe that we can help another person by suffering as well because we love another person, because we love our family, or the person on the street, or the person in war and suffering, that we feel we ought to suffer the same way to share the burden. That doesn’t actually help anybody.

Candice Wu 24:40

We fear if we experience more, if we have more love, if we have the relationship, that they actually want or the joy in alignment that they actually want, if we have abundance, seemingly more than that, we fear that we betray them.

Candice Wu 25:05

But we can love in another way. We can love by acknowledging ourselves and loving ourselves, loving our ability to manifest what we want, loving by seeing them, being with them, acknowledging them, and honoring them for where they are in their lives. No matter how much they feel in their own worth.

Candice Wu 25:34

We are most helped when we can see that each individual is just as powerful as they are. When the true power comes through and we see that we’re capable of taking so much responsibility and autonomy to give ourselves what we need, what we lacked growing up, the love that we need inside, the honoring that we need for the wounds that want to be seen, and the embracing of the joy that is available to everyone.

Candice Wu 26:24

We don’t help anyone when we downplay their power, by thinking we can help them, where it is each of our individual responsibilities to help ourselves, to heal ourselves, and to be supported along the way by others reminding us of ourselves.

Candice Wu 26:52

We don’t help people by fixing them because they don’t need to be fixed. They are already worthy too.

Candice Wu 27:06

Can we find a place of harmony where we see that each person is in their right place for themselves?

Candice Wu 27:14

And we don’t need anyone to change or be any different than they are at this moment. And that is their free choice, their personal authority to decide where they want to be in their lives, to decide if they want to see their own worthiness, to decide if they want to heal. 30:16

Candice Wu 27:38

Where we don’t truly know what each individual soul and spirit needs for themselves. And perhaps the suffering that they’re in or the emotions they’re experiencing, or the situation that they’re in are exactly the right thing for them and are actually important to their journey, that perhaps, they, or we, need to see something in whatever we’re experiencing. That we need to see what it is here for us and is not here for us, what is exactly this experience of all possibility of consciousness itself and what do we want?

Candice Wu 28:29

And to bring ourselves back to the truth of what we do desire and who we are. You cannot be more worthy. And the unconscious beliefs that we have, that are about our unworthiness or not being enough, or being nothing, being ugly, judging ourselves for whatever it is with shame or criticism, that is sending mixed messages out into the universe. And we receive from the universe, the reflection of those beliefs that we’re holding inside to give us the chance to notice them in concrete form in hopes that we will notice them inside of ourselves. And to uncover them, give them what they need, release them to be in alignment with the pure source of our energy again. And when we are in that alignment, if you are in your right place within yourself, then you will receive what is rightfully yours, it’s a given.

Candice Wu 29:54

All that is needed in your life flows to you in its multiple ways if you are aligned and working through the unconscious stuff that comes to the surface in its manifest form.

Candice Wu 30:11

So what are the mixed messages that you’re sending?

Candice Wu 30:16

If we focus our energy internally and on our experience feeling through the body sensation, the emotion, the images, working with them from a place of love and curiosity, playfulness, lightness, as well as going into the grit of challenging emotion, terror, and tor.

Candice Wu 30:47

All of that to excavate this body and the soul, to clear the way for the source energy, for the creative energy to have a clear vessel as us, as our being. Giving way for us to receive and be exactly who we are not what we need to be or others, or are some idea and beliefs that we have about ourselves, that isn’t actually true. You cannot be more worthy or more enough.

Candice Wu 31:42

So how can we feel into our own worthiness? How can we, if we’ve never known this before? If this is a completely new idea or perhaps you even reject it, you can use your experiences as a tool to feel your own worth, but not as a gauge.

Candice Wu 32:04

So if you scan your life or any experience where you felt enough or worthy, we’re lovable, but hone in on the body sense, the felt sense, and the emotions, the way that your system and your body feels in that experience, hone in on that giving attention to that, will let that grow and evolve. It will help your nervous system and your soul remember your heart, remember the worth that you already are.

Candice Wu 32:49

You can also resource a person in your life or people in your life that help you feel worthy, that gives you the feeling of validation or affirmation of who you are. And to feel yourself receiving that energy and practice feeling into that energy over time, and eventually without them, but in yourself.

Candice Wu 33:27

And what if you imagine all the people that you feel are worthy, that you feel are enough, we’re lovable, or good?

Candice Wu 33:42

And if you look at them, knowing you are a reflection of each other, if you say to them, “I am not worthy.”

Candice Wu 33:53

In a sense, it’s as if they’re saying back to you, “Then neither am I.”

Candice Wu 34:01

How does that sit with you? How does that feel inside of you?

Candice Wu 34:07

If you have children or if you’ve created something in your life that is a reflection of something inspired in you, if you hold the belief that you are not worthy, essentially, you’re saying to your children, or to this project, “I am not worthy, and therefore neither are you.”

Candice Wu 34:35

And how does that feel?

Candice Wu 34:41

We can imagine ideal parents or other resources, angels or divine feminine and masculine that can support us in healing and repairing old wounds, wounds that we received when we were children. Or beyond that, in our soul, we can hold an image of prosperity and abundance and let our energy vibe with that and clear out anything that’s in the way.

Candice Wu 35:17

And we can also tap into source energy, resonate with that so that the rest of the energies that don’t align with that and make its way to the top and make its way to expression and acknowledgment so that it can actually move and you can feel in your body that you are source. You are the source of your world, you are the source of creation and abundance, worthiness for yourself as each individual person for themselves.

Candice Wu 36:02

Because we are all connected to the whole, the wholeness of all things, the universe, the source itself.

Candice Wu 36:14

So as we close today, I invite you to feel again, that you cannot be more worthy. You cannot be more enough.

Candice Wu 36:28

And notice in the next few days, what happens inside, if anything surfaces, because this may have planted a seed or connected with the light that’s already in you. And it may release some of what gets in the way of you feeling your own worth.

Candice Wu 36:53

And whatever happens, I wish for you that you do feel that you are enough. And it’s a given that you’re worthy and not because I said it because it is.

Candice Wu 37:11

Thank you so much for being here today with me. It’s an absolute pleasure. I also love hearing from you and would love to hear your experience in listening to this podcast and what comes out.

Candice Wu 37:29

And for today, I will leave you with a little bit of music just to let this all absorb, integrate, and resonate in you. So stay with yourself if you have the time and feel what’s happening inside of you. Feel your inner being, feel your presence, notice the words, “I cannot be more worthy and it’s a given that I’m enough.”

Candice Wu 38:12

Feel any place in you that connects with that even if it’s a tiny, tiny place.

Candice Wu 38:21

So as we go today, I wish you all that you wish for and enjoy this little bit of music.

Candice Wu 38:32

Take care and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is all about the small, tiny little things that happen energetically and physiologically that we can look out for that tell us that the body is healing or deepening in its capacity. We’ll talk about coherence and how to attune to our bodies’ coherence and vibrate with the rightness of our being, trusting that it knows its way and following its lead. We’ll also talk about when you feel stuck, and how to support yourself in noticing any little difference that’s happening.

Candice Wu 0:37

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:51

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:11

This episode is sponsored by the Embodied Healing Group Call, which is a once a month group call that’s no more than four people each, where you are supported in being at ease in your own body and soul, tapping into your intuition and wisdom, working with the semantics and ancestral healing around anything you’re experiencing or challenged within your life. You can find the group call at CandiceWu.com/groupcall. The contribution that you make for the group call is put right to the podcast, the production, editing and all of the work that goes to create quality podcasts, which is a labor of love.

Candice Wu 1:52

So, funny, not so funny thing is that after I recorded this entire episode, I realized that I already did this episode. It’s Episode 74, The Potency of Tiny Movements, Subtlety, and Coherence, and I probably did that episode after the first module of Somatic Experiencing advanced level where we focused in so much about coherence, and it inspired me, but right now, what I notice is that tuning into these nuances of the really small things that are happening, create a huge ripple effect, and allow the healing to come with so much ease, allow us to feel safer, more easily with less suffering and struggle, because we’re moving with a flow, the natural flow and innate intelligence of the body.

Candice Wu 2:48

If you want to find that episode, it’s at CandiceWu.com/ep74 or /coherence, and that episode talks more about how we can find the places that we’re doing it right in our lives, where our bodies are supporting us and our well being, and how we can truly look at those things instead of overlooking what’s happening.

Candice Wu 3:13

In this episode, I list the specific physiological nervous system features that the shifts that might happen while we’re feeling into something, while we’re in any sort of healing process or if you’re in therapy, and you’re talking to your therapist. These are things you can notice to boost that process of growth, expansion, and feeling like yourself.

Candice Wu 3:41

Hello, everyone. Thanks so much for joining me today. It’s great to have you back. As always, I just got back from San Diego on Somatic Experiencing Advanced Level 2 Training. So, I am finally after three years done with the Somatic Experiencing training. This is fantastic, I still need to finish my consultation hours to officially become a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and SAP, but as many of you know, I’ve been doing this work for a long time, and even before the training, a lot of the embodied healing work was already coming to me in different avenues, different types of modalities, and this is a nice combination of all those things.

Candice Wu 4:28

In the Somatic Experiencing Advanced 2 Training, we did a lot more of touch work, which is making contact with the body and attuning to the body’s coherence, the body’s intelligence and what’s going right, and listening, being able to listen with my hands, what’s happening in the body and to support the natural healing abilities and potential of the body.

Candice Wu 4:54

So, this work I’ve been doing for quite some time and it also connects with Reiki and other kinds of, kinds of touch work, but this training offered some different aspects to nuances to add to my practice, which includes working with the joints and the different sections of the body, they call diaphragms and supporting the movement of what wants to shift in the body, to bring us to a deeper expansion and capacity. So, I love doing touch work it feels very natural to me, and I’m continuing to offer that whether that’s on a table like a massage table or seated or well in movement to my clients that are seeing me in person, so, some people do see me in Michigan, when I’m visiting Chicago or New York or other places, we can always connect up and there’s always distance touch with the online work and remote work that I’m doing with most of my clients.

Candice Wu 5:59

Lately, with the horses, I’ve been very tuned into the quality of how I can communicate with the horses, psychically, like with my mind with my attention, and so, when I’m asking my horse to walk in a direction, I see it happen in my mind and send my energy to communicate that before I gesture with any of my body, and often, if we’re in tune, my horse will already do what I’m asking before my body gestures physically. And so, I love that I get to see that. I can ask my horse to speed up and do a trot and then even speed up faster and canter or slow down or do other things. I’m still working with some of those basics, and when I was in the training, I noticed that we were also tuned into that process of placing our attention somewhere or withdrawing our attention from someone’s body before our physical body moved, and it is incredibly powerful. So, the power of our attention is real, and that’s what this whole podcast is about today.

Candice Wu 7:26

About three weeks ago now, I spoke about nervous system overwhelm. So, if you’ve been feeling tired or shut down, numb, anxious, depressed or stressed and overwhelmed, that episode might support you in shifting in the nervous system so that you can come to more safety, which allows more energy and also allows the baseline for healing.

Candice Wu 7:52

In that episode, I talked about how supporting the body to feel safer, allows the next thing to happen, allows true healing in an organic way to begin to come online, and I also give ways to work with that. And one thing that I noticed is that if we are truly attuned to the little things that come out of just the basic support for the body, then that enhances it even more. It’s like it multiplies every moment. You place your attention and awareness, with curiosity, compassion, and witness. So, what I mean is that when we’re supporting the body to feel safer, for example, I used making contact with your body, self-touch. It seems like such a basic thing, and almost silly or stupid to do that, but when we touch our body, it reminds our body of our container.

Candice Wu 8:58

Of course, a lot of other things can happen, too, like, your body might become triggered or different emotions may come up, but you might feel a little bit of a deeper breath in that moment, a spontaneous one or something shifts inside and you begin to cry, and these are signs that the body is coming to more safety, the body is shifting, and there’s healing happening, even if it begins to feel worse before it starts to feel better, but what I’ve noticed is that we’re not always aware of what those little things are, and we may not even be looking for them. And when we do that, we just bypass what’s happening. We almost understate it so much that that is a detriment to what’s going on.

Candice Wu 9:51

Of course, the body will show us again, and if we miss it again, it will try to show us again in another way so it’s okay, but if I In my own healing process, in my own deepening of my presence that when I’m aware of these little things that are happening, then it’s like, everything just moves from there so much easier, and isn’t that what we want, the ease of being in ourselves and the ease of going into challenging emotions rather than the toughness of that or the stress and pain of that.

Candice Wu 10:33

So, in this episode, I want to talk more about those things. If you want to find the podcast on overwhelm and 12 things you can do to support yourself in feeling safer and less overwhelmed, you can find that at CandiceWu.com/overwhelm, and it can be a nice preface or aftermath to this conversation today.

Candice Wu 10:58

In the mental health field, the coaching world, even the world of motivation and positivity, which I have my opinions on, there’s this thing about noticing the positive things or noticing strength or qualities of yourself and being grateful for those things, and what we know is when we place our attention there, that grows.

Candice Wu 11:23

On the other hand, we also do need to work with the uncomfortable stuff that’s trying to show itself so that our whole capacity can expand, and that allows the good things to expand, the things that feel pleasurable rather. If we’re not going to judge things as good and bad, the things that feel pleasant, but when we do speak to noticing those things, sometimes, we’re just noticing from our mind, from the logical space, from the head, and if we let the feeling and the awareness go all the way into the body and slow it down so that our nervous system and awareness can digest and integrate what’s happening, and we give ourselves that much more chance to heal and to feel at ease and ourselves, and to let the body naturally tickets course on how it needs to move through whatever it is you’re experiencing.

Candice Wu 12:30

So, how about noticing the nervous system’s responses, the body’s responses as another aspect of what we’re noticing, which we’re not always trying to do? The intelligence of the body, the whole physiological system that is made up of energy or energetic blueprint underneath that the consciousness of who we are and of all beings, that is so brilliantly intelligent that it works without us working it. In yogic practice and Ayurveda, the Vedas. They call it Buddhi.

Candice Wu 13:15

Buddhi is intellect, and it’s not the mind’s intellect. It’s not intellectualism, but it’s that intelligence that is innate and knowing of how to be and how to exist in a natural way. So, that is in us. You have that and whether or not it feels like your body knows what to do, at a very deep level, it does. There’s something that is adaptive and intelligent. There’s something coherent inside that is keeping you alive, and by just acknowledging that, and finding someplace where you can believe in that, the body begins to come into even more coherence and presence with this present moment.

Candice Wu 14:15

If you think about a little seedling coming up from the ground, a little bit of a green sprout, tiny, and if you don’t see it, you could just step right over it or maybe you walk too close to it or put your hands too close to it and the dirt just covers it up. It just gets squashed and it doesn’t get to grow, but if you see it, you actually see it instead of not see it, if you place your attention on it, then it gets to grow, it gets a chance. It gets a chance to grow a little bit taller or bigger or another little tiny leaf sprout.

Candice Wu 15:05

Our bodies are similar in that way, where if we notice a tiny thing that happens a shift, then the next thing can happen, but if we bypass that we don’t even see that it’s happening, aren’t looking for it in an open way, then we miss that small chance for it to grow even bigger, and to expand even more. What we also see in the world of family constellations is that something had to go right in the ancestry, in your lineage for you to exist.

Candice Wu 15:48

So, if you come from a family that has lots of challenging experiences, traumas, losses, pain, fighting perhaps, imbalances, there’s still something that went right for you to exist, and it’s often the force of love that compels that, and somewhere along the way, it gets tangled up and or last underneath the other symptoms that are making its way to the surface, the other emotions that want to be seen or the outcome of something when it’s farther removed from its original root context, and that we could have a very deep conversation, but for today, the point is that something had to go right for you to exist. Someone did it right, probably more than one person.

Candice Wu 16:53

And if you take that to a personal level in your life now, some things had to go right, you did something right to get yourself here in your life now, even if you’re suffering a lot or you have major stressors and challenges going on, something had to go right, and what is that? If even right now, you touch into that, what would happen if you just sat with that experience of that thing going right? Are you making that choice that worked for you or that barrage you all the way to now, even if there were things that you regret or wished would have gone differently? There’s got to be at least one thing, maybe. Let’s see. So, as you do that, feel free to notice if there are any sensations happening or if that’s accessible to you, and we’ll take this deeper in experiential this week, but just for now, touching in.

Candice Wu 18:16

So, the power of your awareness, your awareness is your inner witness, the part of you that observes and can watch what’s happening. When we’re deeply traumatized or even a little bit traumatized or when someone in our lineage has been and it’s been inherited or if we’re never taught to witness, we can be so identified with what we’re experiencing that we become it. We think we are that emotion that we’re feeling. We think we’re angry, that’s who we are, and it’s not just the thinking, it’s all of our energies kind of glommed on to that experience, and we lose the ability to track what’s going on. We lose our power of choice and freedom, and to some degree, our capacity to be in that experience is lesser and it makes it a little more overwhelming. At least in my experience, you may have a totally different experience.

Candice Wu 19:30

Our awareness is who we are. It’s the consciousness in us. It’s the consciousness of the source of things, but individualized is who we are, and that awareness that watches what’s happening, watches the thoughts and emotions and sensations and movements. That part of us, because it is connected with source, has the ability to boost our healing power just by noticing, just by placing attention and staying with. It doesn’t require anything else, but that kind of presence, the quality of being here with a little softness and curiosity or with neutrality.

Candice Wu 20:21

So, if we place our awareness with the things that begin to shift as we begin a healing experience or be in the present moment, then that amplifies and just continues on with the momentum. So, I want to talk about here now, just the small things that you can look out for small healing signs, tiny things that happen physiologically that you can notice that, means, that the body is moving in a direction of healing or of growth. Some of these may not seem like they make sense, but I always go back to the analogy of cleaning your room, but sometimes things feel worse before they get better.

Candice Wu 21:19

And so, maybe, a shift is noticing an emotion that you were numb to before, but that coming online and feeling that emotion actually means your body feel safer and able to be in that experience, and I talk more about that in the overwhelm episode that I mentioned earlier, when your body comes out of freeze state.

Candice Wu 21:47

So, let’s talk about those little tiny things that you might notice in your body shift, and if you notice it with a sense that something’s happening, this is different. “Wow!” or, “Oh, interesting!” And then the next thing can happen, and the next thing. This is also extremely helpful for the part of you, if you have a part of you that can feel stuck or feel that nothing’s changing, nothing’s happening, you’re not where you want to be, and by noticing small changes, we can start to notice and allow bigger ones.

Candice Wu 22:33

So, here’s a culminated list of some of the things that I noticed that come from somatic experiencing the practice, as well as yoga, family constellations, and other indigenous practices, and this is all just coming from different angles going to the same place.

Candice Wu 22:54

So, first, one of the biggest things that we can notice is a spontaneous organic breath. Suddenly, your body goes “ahaaa” and it happens naturally or the breath comes into a different part of your body or the breath is a little bit fuller than the last breath or feels more flowing and useful. While we can control that to some degree, we can choose a breath that goes deeper. I’m talking about the kind that happens without you choosing it, the involuntary kind, that shows the nervous system is coming into more safety right now.

Candice Wu 23:43

A second thing you might notice is a micro-movement in the body or a large movement, any shift of the physical body, your arms or legs, your shoulders, your neck, your jaw, a tiny little shift or a tiny little desire to move in a certain way, and that might lead to the body soothing itself. For example, suddenly your hand just goes to your chest, at your heart. That’s a movement or maybe your arm wants to move side to side, that something or maybe that tiny movement starts the process of a completion of a fight or flight response. I talk more about fight responses in the anger episode at CandiceWu.com/anger, and flight responses a little bit in the overwhelm episode.

Candice Wu 24:50

A shift that is healing can feel different from a management strategy, a coping strategy that you typically use to deal with what’s going on or to set something that’s going on aside or to ignore it, and we do that because it might feel a little too overwhelming to feel or we’ve been used to, just doing this habit that pushed us something else away or changes it, so you don’t have to feel it. So, check if that feeling or movement and shift is part of a strategy to manage your feelings that you know already or if it’s something new coming up.

Candice Wu 25:32

What also can come in the movement is a self-protective response. Maybe you start to notice your shoulder tense up and your elbow wanting to come up, and lift up to put your arm so it’s like a guard to your body, and this requires a slow process of sensing in or maybe even when you’re telling the story, your arm just kind of does that. And if you notice those movements, then the next thing might begin to happen.

Candice Wu 26:08

Another thing to notice that shows that healing is happening is seeing differently. If you notice yourself seeing more or more clearly, sometimes seeing something that you didn’t see before or noticing something in your periphery or noticing colors and details more vividly. Perhaps, your eye gaze is softer and more expansive and relaxed, less constricted, and all that shows that the eyes are moving from a constriction that is required when your body feels unsafe. So, if you think about a threat or something happening, that you need to look out for, your eyes become very sharp, and your vision wants to search and land right on the things that are dangerous or to find those things. And the opposite being, your pupils are open and you’re able to softly look around and take in things of pleasure. That says that your nervous system is feeling calmer and safer, more present.

Candice Wu 27:32

You might notice a settling in your body, someplace that goes “ahhhh”, and has a release or feeling of relief, lightness, expansion or spaciousness, maybe a pleasant feeling in some part of the body, even just a tiny little part. So, if you look for that, then the healing process can continue and amplify, even if it’s your ear where a pinky finger, maybe your heels come to the ground or some of your muscles dropdown more into your seat or if you’re lying down some parts of your back, start to release even more.

Candice Wu 28:19

Another thing to notice is your digestion coming back online. When we’re in a fight-flight or freeze response of the nervous system, the digestion goes offline. The energy goes towards the lens or in a conservation mode, so that it can eventually protect itself and come back to safety. If your body’s coming back to safety, you might hear gurgling sounds in your stomach or burping, feelings of movement in your gut, energy moving around, you might have more saliva or feel hungry or thirsty, need to go to the bathroom or eliminate… farting or just any response of the digestive system that wants to happen. Coughing might be part of this as well, gagging, things that are shifting in your throat, your mouth.

Candice Wu 29:24

Another thing to notice is sensation or energy, tingling down your limbs or in certain parts of your body. Your temperature might change. Heat is an indicator of deactivation, actually, the body is cooling down on the inside and expresses the heat outward. You might notice better hearing, ability to hear sound better or to hear it in a more appropriate way if where you were hypervigilant to sounds, hypersensitive, that maybe softens itself, and you’re just hearing what you need to hear, you’re able to block out certain sounds.

Candice Wu 30:12

And then you might also notice more resource or pleasure, seeing things that can support you, and openness to receiving or the ability and capacity to notice a loving person and receive what they may have to give you in your imagination or in real life or you may naturally gravitate towards feeling positivity or possibility, a feeling of gratitude.

Candice Wu 30:44

There might be some sort of openness that wasn’t there before even in a sense of “maybe” rather than “no”. So, noticing the difference between “maybe” and “no”, that that’s a shift where the ability to say “no” versus “maybe or yes”, which is related to a shift in your ability to say or do something that you want to do in your life with a little bit more ease or to be able to move towards it in some way, the capacity or a little bit of space to imagine or turn towards what was challenging or scary previously or what was something that your body just did not want to face, the ability to feel through what might have been more challenging before and even just feeling a little bit.

Candice Wu 31:40

You also might notice changes in your skin tone, a flushed or pinkish skin tone can signify that energy is coming into that space, into your body, into your face. It might connect with some activation that’s happening, that’s coming to deactivation, and coming towards a parasympathetic state in your body. You might notice an emotion that you’ve had, for example, grief, and as you touch back into the grief, notice if that grief is exactly the same in terms of how it feels in your body, what it might look like if you could see it, the intensity level, how much it takes up in you or feels your body feels like it can hold that feeling or not, and how much is that the same? Exact same or is just a little bit different?

Candice Wu 32:44

So, these are just a short list of things that you might notice as a change. The real question is just asking yourself, “what’s different right now? Is it different? Is anything different or is it exactly the same? And if it is exactly the same, you might notice that and take a break, and come back and see what else.

Candice Wu 33:11

And you might experience other signals or shifts that are happening for you, in your mind, the way you’re thinking, the way you’re noticing space between you and the experience you’re having, a shift in your body sensation or feeling of energy, and be careful to judge things as good or bad, because what may seem bad may actually be something that’s supporting the healing process. So, for example, if you’re constantly keyed up and exhausted, notice the next time you become tired if you’re doing some sort of healing process or something different, and when you feel that quality of tiredness, is it the same as the kind of exhaustion that came with being keyed up? Or is it the kind where your body is truly able to deeply rest. And it’s a different feeling that allows something else different to happen.

Candice Wu 34:24

So, as you notice these tiny little healing movements, keep in mind that these things may happen when you’re experiencing a conversation with a friend or with your therapist or healing practitioner or a coach or they may be happening on your own as you just tuned in. And what I’ve noticed is that if you’re working with someone who’s attuned to the nervous system, like a Somatic Experiencing or some sort of somatic therapy practitioner that’s trauma aware, then they can notice those things with you, and that adds another layer of validation and witness to how your body’s doing it right.

Candice Wu 35:09

It took me several times of experiencing it with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, where they were saying, “Oh!” Notice how you naturally went and touched your thighs, and how for you now it’s feeling really soothing. So, your body knew what to do, and that gave me another layer of trust, but it really took many times of me hearing that for it to sink in another level, and another level and another level, to this space where I feel deeply trusting of what my body is showing me and what my body wants, and it feels so much more in sync with itself and in sync with how I’m expressing out in the world, what I reach for, how I move, what I choose, it all feels way more congruent, and I’m sure I can go many more levels beyond this, but I’m quite happy with where it’s at. So, when you have the support of someone who’s attuned to this and trained in this can really amplify your process.

Candice Wu 36:18

So, today’s episode is quite a short episode compared to most, but I wanted to leave that as is because it’s great to just have this bite-size experience. And if you want to tune in later this week, I’ll have an experiential that supports you in being with what’s going well, and noticing coherence in your body, noticing coherence in your being, and that can support wherever you are in life, for you to deepen in your capacity, to be with yourself and to be connected.

Candice Wu 36:54

I have always believed that good things come in small packages and With the healing process, it’s no different. So, we noticed these really small things. It just has so much potency, just like homeopathy. So, see what lands with you, and what you take with you. If you want to touch into this in writing, the transcript will be out very soon, and if you’d rather have this in a shortened and condensed version, there’s a blog post at CandiceWu.com/tinyhealingsteps that lists out these little things that you can notice to support yourself.

Candice Wu 37:40

There’s no one answer and no one way that the body heals and these are just some of the things you can notice, so that the next thing can happen, and the next thing can unfold and emerge for you in the way that your body wants it to and needs it, too.

Candice Wu 37:56

Before you go, I’d love for you to join my email list where I say send out a newsletter every other or every third week. This is where I share my travel updates, things that are going on events, retreats, self-love notes, podcasts, etc. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody, and be sure to check out all the transcripts for both the episodes with my guests and by myself as well as the experiential that are up on the website at CandiceWu.com/podcast. Under each episode, where you hit play, there’s a plus sign that pulls out into the transcript. So, if you rather digest things through reading them or skimming, it’s all there for you, and the ones that are not will be up shortly.

Candice Wu 38:49

There’s also a database for the podcast that you can search a podcast that might fit for you, and a database of the meditations and experientials by me and my guests, that one is that CandiceWu.com/meditations and all of the podcasts are meant to be resources for you to access at times that you need them. So, an experiential that you need, if you want to feel a certain way or to support something that’s happening and yourself, search what you need, and take what you need and just lovingly leave the rest.

Candice Wu 39:26

Thanks so much for joining me today, and I look forward to seeing you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This experiential is to support you in what's going well as well as physiological coherence, and it can support you in times where you're feeling stuck, anxious or overwhelmed or anytime that you'd like to resonate with your body's intelligence.

This experiential is connected with the podcast about The Potency of Noticing Small Shifts and Tiny Healing Steps in the Body.

So, noticing the little things that can support more healing and more deepening or expansion, more capacity to be in ourselves, and connected with ourselves.

You can find the full episode at CandiceWu.com/smallshifts.

While noticing what's going well in your body or life can be such a simple thing to do, it can have a very profound and deep effect for the nervous system.

So, take a moment to begin just where you are right now.

Begin Anywhere

I invite you to take your hands and to touch your body in a way that offers soothing to it, asking nothing of your body, your heart or your mind right now, and allowing yourself to receive your own contact and attention, right now.

And as you do this, will begin to notice what's coherent in your being, right now, because you're alive, says that there's some semblance of coherence in you.

There's some intelligence of life force and consciousness moving you through the world even if there's suffering or struggle, even if you've had trauma or overwhelming experiences or things are not feeling like they're going well.

As you make contact with yourself and your body now, notice any place in yourself that feels even neutral or feels a deeper breath, some warmth or release something that might feel pleasant.

And if that's challenging, just imagine what it could feel like if you felt your own coherence.

And now, open up your awareness to the last day or a few days or even farther into the last week or month if you need to, and notice even the tiniest thing that says, “You're doing something right.”

Maybe that's flossing or having made yourself a meal or gotten yourself a smoothie, something healthy or maybe that's doing some work that you've been wanting to do for a while or taking the garbage out, anything that indicates you're doing something right.

You could also be being kind to someone, being kind to yourself, taking space, having boundaries.

These are signs of your presence being here and loving.

Appreciate and Notice

So, take this time here to appreciate any little things that you've chosen, that you've done right or that someone else has appreciated in you that you may typically overlook.

As you notice this, sense if it's easy or hard to do, just getting curious about what your own experience in this process is.

Be with how it feels to notice something that's going well in your life or that you've done right.

Feel any tiny little movements or shifts in the body.

Notice your breathing. Notice any emotions that are happening.

Feel any sensation and where it is in your body.

Notice how you experience yourself or your connection with yourself, and feel free to open up time even further.

Notice in the last two to three months something that's gone well or that you've done right.

Feel the effect it has on you as you notice that and bring that to mind and let yourself savor any good feeling or neutral feeling that comes from it.

What if You Noticed Yourself More?

And as we bring this experience to a close today, I'd like to ask you:

What if you notice more often what's going well where there's some place of coherence or intelligence working its way and it's magic through you? …Any way that your body supports itself or that you support yourself or others.

What if you notice that more often?

What would life be like?

And now, as we close today, I invite you to honor and thank yourself for taking the time to appreciate yourself.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about how to love your body, heal your body, and support your connection and relationship with your body so that it is an ally to you.

Candice Wu 0:11

In this episode, we’ll talk to the body, connect with why this is important and how this can work, and support all of the ways that the body is trying to connect with you so that we can decipher and translate. So we understand what our body needs.

Candice Wu 0:30

The body is this brilliant expression of our innermost layers of being, our soul, our heart, what we desire, have desired, and what we are experiencing at the deepest levels of who we are. So, it is an absolute, beautiful tool to support us in deepening in who we are, understanding who we are, and loving ourselves.

Candice Wu 0:59

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 1:12

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:34

This episode is sponsored by my Dream Work classes on Skillshare.

Candice Wu 1:38

One of the things that helps me heal and to know myself, and to claim the parts of myself that want to arise and express itself in this life, are to work with my dreams. I never really knew how to do that, or how to cultivate my dreams, until the last couple of years where I dove into dreamwork, and the deeper I go, the more my dreams bring me insight and the more I feel whole in myself.

Candice Wu 2:09

Sometimes my dreams, they’ve been telling me the next step of something or predict what’s going to happen. Sometimes they give me the key to a thing that’s been missing or struggle in my life. And I love that I can translate my dreams into an understanding that’s embodied. So not just thinking about my dreams and analyzing them and looking at dream meanings, but feeling into the dream and what the energy of the dream’s offering into my body and letting my body take up that energy, allows me to be even more in my life.

Candice Wu 2:48

So I have some Dream Work classes on Skillshare, which is a platform that’s like, the Netflix for learning and tutorials. And you can find all those Dream Work classes at CandiceWu.com/dreamclasses.

Candice Wu 3:04

At that link, you can also sign up to get a couple of months free of a Skillshare membership so that you can access the classes. And also, you can access classes from a variety of other teachers that are teaching on almost every single topic you can imagine.

Candice Wu 3:23

Welcome back, everyone, it’s great to have you here. Thanks so much for joining in.

Candice Wu 3:27

Today, I had a bit of a challenge getting started with this episode, I think there’s so much to say. And also, I get a little bit scared, sometimes, just starting off a podcast. I know that once I get the ball rolling, I start to feel better, and get in the groove. But getting started is sometimes the hardest part.

Candice Wu 3:50

Do you have that experience with things where it just feels overwhelming and scary? And yet the reality, once you get there, can be that it’s not as scary as you felt.

Candice Wu 4:04

In those cases, I just typically do one little thing. So, the first thing I did was set up my microphone and get all the cords out, which is something that I have to like take out and put away. But if it were out, it might be a little bit easier as well. But just setting that microphone up is the first step for me. And starting off with whatever it is that is the tiniest baby step that you can with what you’re moving towards, whether that is just getting a cup of tea, to set the stage and atmosphere and self-care for what you’re doing, or to clear your desk. Or, if it’s something else that’s not work-related, or that is in some other aspect of your life.

Candice Wu 4:56

What is the tiniest stuff that you could do that could even get to to the next one? That’s what always helps me.

Candice Wu 5:04

And that’s how I got myself to get to sit here today with you. I have a cup of tea with me and a green smoothie, which I like to make in the morning.

Candice Wu 5:17

And, I just got back from a writing session with a new horse that I’ve been working with, Sunny, this horse is at a stable closer by to me and in Michigan. And I just love this farm because the owner is wonderful at communicating with horses.

Candice Wu 5:38

The way that she’s been working with this Mustang that she fostered for some time is amazing. If you know horses, then you know Mustangs are wild horses.

Candice Wu 5:51

All horses are wild in their own ways, right. But what I mean is that they live in the wild, and they were taken in by humans.

Candice Wu 6:01

So, the way that the owner has been working with this horse is that when the horse wants her to stop or back off, she bops her on some part of her body with her nose. So the horse will take her nose and just like boop, her nose on top of her hand, or her arm, or somewhere usually her hand it seems that tells the owner, stop. That’s enough for the moment. And she can try again in another couple of breaths or a minute or so. But she might be saying, “No, don’t touch me there, I don’t want you to go that far.” Or, “No, I’m not sure I feel comfortable with that.” And so she’ll boop her with her nose.

Candice Wu 6:46

I love this as the entry to this conversation about loving your body, communicating with your body, and being in relationship with the body so that it supports you in your life. Supports you in your fullness, in your fullest expression of yourself, and all that you desire. Because the way that this owner is communicating with the horse is one little step at a time, and respecting each communication that the horse is giving her.

Candice Wu 7:19

So that’s not the only way the horse is communicating. She’s also communicating by moving her body slightly, like, leaning away or towards, or sometimes turning her head or drawing an ear down or back. She’s communicating with her movements, like with her movements in her legs, with her tail, with the swish of her tail, with her eyes, with the energy of the feeling that’s being communicated. So there are so many ways that we can listen for what the horse is telling us. Just like, there are so many ways that our body is communicating with us and giving us information constantly.

Candice Wu 8:04

For probably 25 years, I did not pay attention to my body, of course, I ate food and I slept. And I understood the importance of sleep. I understood that it was important to eat healthy. I didn’t really know what that meant, I was doing the best I could.

Candice Wu 8:24

And then I would have aches and pains. And would wonder, “Oh, what’s wrong with my body?”

Candice Wu 8:33

So the first thought would be: “What’s wrong with my body?” or: “What am I doing wrong?” or: “What’s going on?” or: “What ailment do I have?”

Candice Wu 8:43

And I think that’s pretty common in our consciousness right now, we think, what do we need to do or give our body so that it feels better?

Candice Wu 8:54

The challenge with this is that the body is communicating on all these different levels through the pain in the body, through tension, or disease, or through illness, through coughing, through sound effects, that want to come through the sensations inside, the movement of the organs and fluids inside. As well as the feeling of what’s going on in our body, the state of being, the energy, the emotion, as well as movements that want to happen with the whole body. Images and thoughts. So all of this and more, the body is wanting to tell us something.

Candice Wu 9:52

Another way to look at it is that the body is saying something and moving through a process of something. But if we dismiss it as only trying to tell us, “Oh, I need medicine, to fix me.”

Candice Wu 10:09

And this one to one equation of disease or illness means, take medication, then we’re missing out on a whole depth of what the body is experiencing and why.

Candice Wu 10:26

On some level, I believe we all want to feel good and feel better, when we’re not feeling well. Or when we’re struggling, whether that’s physically or emotionally or spiritually. But I do believe that there’s more to our experience as a human being than to just feel better all the time.

Candice Wu 10:47

So if we feel bad, let’s just do something to feel better. I believe that we are here to learn, and to deepen in the experience of who we are in this body. And also to understand who we are not. So that we can shed those layers of what we’ve built up in ourselves to think we are, and to come to the easefulness and fullness of who we are on the deepest levels of our being.

Candice Wu 11:19

And that includes this awareness of our conscious self, the part of us that’s really aware of all the things and experiences that we feel, that we notice. The awareness in us that can feel through emotions, notice our thoughts, notice our presence, and be in noticing, be in that compassionate witness of ourselves.

Candice Wu 11:51

And I believe that part of our experience is to deepen in presence, to deepen in witnessing exactly what’s happening right here and now, without changing it just so that we feel better.

Candice Wu 12:07

So how can we expand in our experience of being so that our capacity grows and grows and we can experience all of it? How can we deepen in the experience of ourselves in this human body even more?

Candice Wu 12:26

And with that, the body is one part of what is trying to communicate to us, what is trying to bring us to our deeper selves, and what wants to work with us so that we feel good in the process, that we feel present and at peace in ourselves and at ease in our body, in this vessel that moves us through life.

Candice Wu 12:59

So I want to start with a couple of stories about my life, working with my body. So as I mentioned, I didn’t really pay attention to any level deeper of my body’s experience for 25 years, at least. I was mostly just thinking that the body was just its own physical being as separate from my emotions, my spirit or any awareness in me, that is just a separate thing that needed to be treated, and was either healthy or not. And that there wasn’t much more of a reason for it to be healthy or unhealthy or out of balance than the fact of the physical experiences related to it, like what food I was taking in.

Candice Wu 13:52

If I was going to the doctor, if I was having an illness, then it was just, that’s what it was. And I would just do what it took to solve it or fix it. So this sort of flat experience of the body.

Candice Wu 14:08

I believe I shared this experience in a previous podcast, definitely in a blog post. But when I was teaching middle school art, I was about 26 or seven years old, I had all this numbness in my right side. And it freaks me out. There were weird tingling sensations. It lasted for several days. And by the fourth day, I just, I was like, beside myself, I went to the office, like the school office, talk to the school nurse, And I was like, “I think I need to go to the ER, I don’t know what’s going on with me.” And she encouraged me to do that. And after going to the ER, I spent four hours there in fear, and then walked away with a piece of paper that said, you have pain in the tissues of the limb.

Candice Wu 15:05

So this story is not to bash the medical field or to say anything of the sort that ER is not helpful, or the medical field isn’t helpful. I think that it can be incredibly helpful at the right time.

Candice Wu 15:23

And at that time, it was helpful to know that there wasn’t something severely wrong with me in that moment. And yet, it was unhelpful in the way that it didn’t give me any direction, or any opening to a possibility of feeling healthy or understanding what was going on in my body.

Candice Wu 15:45

I decided to go to a chiropractor who also was an energy worker, but I didn’t know that at the time. And so you can see where I just entered into this experience of chiropractic work that I thought was just a physical experience.

Candice Wu 16:00

This doctor was totally interested in Applied Kinesiology and testing the body to see whether it was flowing or not flowing. Or, in some cases people talk about this as muscle testing, like, where the muscles on or off, or strong or not. But it’s more about the energy flowing or not, which signals the muscles to have full strength or be weakened.

Candice Wu 16:33

And it floored me when he was working with me and just randomly would say something like, “Candice, say this out loud, I accept and love myself exactly as I am.”

Candice Wu 16:46

And then he would test my muscles, and my body would shut down. And it essentially was saying that my body didn’t feel like I loved and accepted myself exactly as I was. And I couldn’t understand like, how does my body know that? Or, isn’t that just a thought in my mind, a belief in my head?

Candice Wu 17:12

And what I came to learn was, no, the whole body was resonating with that experience that I did not love and accept myself for who I was.

Candice Wu 17:22

I, in some ways, hated myself, and some ways, didn’t feel worthy, didn’t feel accepting of who I was, it was rejecting a lot of who I was. And later, came to learn that every single cell of our body is reflecting the experience of what we believe in ourselves and about ourselves and what we believe of the world.

Candice Wu 17:48

About that same time I was doing EMDR therapy, which is a type of processing of trauma and experiences that help you integrate all the parts of your experience, your body, emotions, thoughts, and the images and memories of what was upsetting for you, or what can live underneath the surface of your experience. And my therapist was noticing how it just gets stuck with this gut feeling that was so painful.

Candice Wu 18:22

I was holding my gut and feeling awful, but I didn’t really have the words for it. And she would say, “If your stomach could talk, what would it say?”

Candice Wu 18:39

And this was such a hard question for me, because all I would do was think: “What would my stomach say?” And I would just try to deduce and rationalize what my stomach would say. And it took a while before I would feel embodied enough in my body, enough that I could just feel and trust, some sense, or some sort of flash of insight to come through. And that the words could just arrive to me of what it would say.

Candice Wu 19:16

It was more of an asking and listening process at that point, where previously, anytime I asked something to myself, to my body, which was a foreign concept, I would just think about the answer and analyze, to get to the answer.

Candice Wu 19:37

Do know what I’m talking about this difference of using your mind to analyze and think about the answer to something versus sensing what is coming from within and what’s arising in you as information? I think that takes a lot of practice. And we all — many people want to get in touch with their intuition. I think that that is what I’m talking about, at least part of it.

Candice Wu 20:06

So fast forward. Two years maybe. And I’ve been doing EMDR. I’ve been working with my chiropractor, even sensing how foods affect my body very directly with muscle testing. And then matching that with my inner sense of, does my body say yes to this? Or does it say no?

Candice Wu 20:30

And fast forward, past the book, The Celestine Prophecy that really changed my life on sensing energy, following my inner guide, and then reading, I think it’s The Thirteenth Insight, no, The Tenth Insight, which gives information about how do we look at and feel into our bodies, injuries and illnesses, to rewind to the original hurt, wound or belief that led you to get injured. And led to a weakness in a certain aspect of the body.

Candice Wu 21:15

So I love that book. It was so important and it is Yoga. It goes back to the levels of our physiology, where the innermost level of who we are is this subtle energy of awareness, of consciousness that we are pure being. We are pure consciousness and everything is the same. Every being is that. Every object is consciousness. And then, that energy is moved through us as an individual soul. And at the individual soul level, we have all these beliefs of who we are, and who we are not in the world. And, those have been created by some experience that we had taken meaning from, but that meaning is distorted from the reality of presence and truth. And then we accumulate that and that’s karma. And from that level, we have our emotions, thoughts, and our body experience, with the body being the outermost expression of the energy, and dynamic of who we believe we are.

Candice Wu 22:29

I talked about this more in-depth in a podcast at CandiceWu.com/koshas. And the Koshas are the levels of our physiology. And this book showed me exactly how that works and how you can work with the outermost level of the physiology of the body to get towards the soul.

Candice Wu 22:58

And around this time, I was walking across the street in Chicago, towards my friend’s place, arriving at some get-together, and I get a text message, and as I’m walking across the street, I pull out my phone from my purse, look at the text message. And as I’m reading it, I almost literally fall into a hole. I didn’t fall all the way down. My ankle kind of broke the fall, which was the painful part because I twisted my ankle.

Candice Wu 23:31

So I think about this book, and I’m thinking, “Oh, yeah, there’s a way that I can heal this.” This is beautiful. Because, what if my injury wasn’t just an accident? What if I could have prevented it by who I believed I was in my state of being, which is not to blame myself or criticize myself, but to give an opening towards something different.

Candice Wu 23:57

So I thought about this book, The Tenth Insight. And now as I’m talking, I’m hoping it’s the Tenth, maybe it’s the Eleventh or Twelfth. But I’ll link that in the show notes and hopefully link the right one.

Candice Wu 24:11

So thinking about this book, I stayed with my ankle, this is you know, a couple of days later, after this whole get together. As I was moving my ankle gently to feel the pain, I started crying. I allowed myself to cry and follow the feeling. And slowly, I let my mind wander. And I allowed any words or thoughts to be noticed, any feelings.

Candice Wu 24:47

I traced myself back to the moment in time where I checked my phone and what I was feeling at that moment, just as a starting point. And what revealed itself was that I was feeling like, “Oh, yeah, I want to respond to my friend.”

Candice Wu 25:06

But underneath that was, if I don’t respond to her now, maybe she won’t want to be friends with me anymore. Like if I’m not accessible when she wants me to be. Maybe she won’t care about me as much either.

Candice Wu 25:25

All of those thoughts are quite distorted. Yes. And we can dismiss them and say, “Oh, that’s not real.”

Candice Wu 25:31

But I followed the feeling of that and allowed myself to feel how painful that was. The feeling that if I didn’t respond to my friend right away, that I wouldn’t be a good friend. That just really wasn’t reasonable.

Candice Wu 25:49

So at this point, I’m crying a little bit more and allowing myself to go deeper with it, and feeling the pain in my ankle and just feeling like, “Ouch, ouch!”

Candice Wu 25:59

And so as I heard that in my mind, “Ouch”, I could have just dismissed it as, “Oh, don’t be a baby, like, you can feel this pain.”

Candice Wu 26:10

But instead, flowing with the feeling of, “Ouch, this hurts”, allowed me to open into a younger experience of how much it hurt to be in my family.

Candice Wu 26:25

When there were times that my parents were having reactions to me. I had a lot of trauma growing up, and so experienced, neglects, and I experienced emotional abuse at different times. And it felt like my young life was really unstable. It didn’t have a stable person that was continually paying attention to me and aware of me, and supporting me with my emotions and helping me to move through life, moment to moment.

Candice Wu 27:02

And as I felt that, I realized how unstable my ankle was, that I twisted this ankle several times when I was doing sports growing up, like gymnastics and cheerleading. And that, my ankle just cracked, and that was living itself out continually in my day to day, and here it was manifested in this moment, where I felt if I didn’t respond to my friend, I wouldn’t be worthy, reflecting that feeling of unworthiness that had threaded into my entire life.

Candice Wu 27:40

And perhaps I had come in with, to feel those feelings and letting myself move through with awareness, the feeling of unworthiness, not believing it, but allowing myself to believe it enough in the moment to feel the feelings that came with that.

Candice Wu 28:00

And then, the pain started to subside in my ankle. And after a couple of days, it had decreased. And after a week or two, I didn’t feel much pain at all. And my ankle was able to strengthen very quickly without doing much with it, other than just moving through those feelings, which is not necessarily an easy thing to do. But it wasn’t like I was doing PT on it or anything or doing exercise with it, which I think is a really good thing, which can help also elicit the emotions and strengthen the muscles to release some of the same emotions. So either way, you go about it, if you’re going in with awareness, then the healing can take place.

Candice Wu 28:56

And now, I’ve been working on my elbow, and I’m not going to go into the whole story. But this elbow is in a lot of pain, like right at the joint and only in this, like, crevice between two bones at the joint. And slowly, I’ve been peeling off layer by layer of what’s going on here. And some of it related to some ancestral stuff, where my grandfather had lost his mother. And I felt like he really was holding on to her and didn’t get the chance to grieve because she died. And then he got given away by his father. So not only did her death become a painful experience that wasn’t supported, for him to integrate the feelings. But then he had to lose his father and sort of go into survival mode.

Candice Wu 29:54

So it felt like what was coming up was this feeling that my grandpa was holding on for dear life. And as I felt that, those words and pictured him, I could feel the pain of him and his family, his primary family that wasn’t felt. And that did release some of the pain in my own arm yet right now, there’s more.

Candice Wu 30:21

So where I left at the moment is, “Wow, what is going on in here?”

Candice Wu 30:27

And slowly over the last six months to a year, I’ve been very gentle with my elbow and not forcing or pushing it to be different. But just being tender with it and soft with it. So that it can slowly feel safe enough to reveal more to me.

Candice Wu 30:48

And I’m so for going to other health care practitioners and other healers and therapists, coaches that can be supportive around that. And so in about a week, I’m going to be seeing my Acupuncturist, who goes really in-depth with understanding the soul and how it’s related to the physical body as well. So I’m hoping that that gives way to the next level of what wants to be known here in my elbow, or through my elbow, what’s been living in the elbow that wants healing.

Candice Wu 31:24

So all these experiences that I’m sharing, I wanted to just illustrate how I’ve been working with my body. These are just a couple of experiences of thousands. I’m working with my body every day, whenever I feel something going on just staying with it and seeing what’s here or just allowing it to move without knowing sometimes exactly what it is.

Candice Wu 31:47

But, all of this to say that the body is constantly communicating and moving through something and if we can be the compassionate witness to that. And also, if we can communicate with that and translate the information that’s coming to us, we can advance our healing and we can deepen into our presence very quickly.

Candice Wu 32:12

Our body is like a friend giving us insight and information, experiencing moment to moment, right next to us, except we’re inside of it.

Candice Wu 32:22

The body holds implicit information, meaning it’s holding information that is not in our consciousness. It’s in our unconscious world. And that’s coming through us, through the sensation, emotion, imagery, the flavor or color of something, like literal taste, or the sense of flavor, smell, or sensing into a gut feeling, movement, tension, ease, an intuitive flash of insight or information, as well as sound and sound effect. Sound that the body wants to make, sound that our voice wants to make, a noise coming from inside the body. And the biggest tip I have for you about it is: trust it. Always trust it or begin to trust your body. And if you have a sense of something that’s happening in the body, and feel it, that sense that, “Oh, this is about x, y & z.” Trust it, at least enough to follow that through to the next step, to the next feeling, so that you can deepen and see into that pathway of your sense of what’s going on and what you’re feeling.

Candice Wu 33:49

When we have experiences, there’s an association that can come with it, especially if the experience wasn’t felt all the way through, whether it was a positive or negative one. If it was more than our capacity could handle in the moment, it was overwhelming in some way. This is where our body is so intelligent, our body will hang on and in connection with parts of that experience until we have fully integrated that with our awareness and allowed it to digest through our body.

Candice Wu 34:27

So that is, as I said, both positive and negative experiences. So if we have something that’s overwhelming, and I would likely call that trauma, if it’s overwhelming to the body, and our body didn’t integrate it all or complete something around it, if it got disrupted because it was a little too much, then our cells, our muscles, are viscera, our bones, will be filled with the experience, the adrenaline, the energy, and where it gets disrupted, it will stay there until you go back. To feel it and to process it and processing meaning, being with it and allowing the next feeling to be felt or allowing the body to show us what’s next, and letting the body move through the sequence of what it instinctually needs to.

Candice Wu 35:24

The body wants us to feel safe, to feel whole, harmonious, and at peace, as well as integrated. So that we feel present, like an animal in the wild. When they’re feeling safe, they’re available to find food. They’re able to find a mate, they’re able to enjoy peacefulness, rest, run around and play. And that’s what our body is wanting for us. That’s what our body is here for.

Candice Wu 35:58

And when it experiences something traumatic or overwhelming, it stops that process until we can go back and digest it later. And the thing about that is if we don’t do that digestion, it accumulates over time. And a lot of times we don’t realize that something was overwhelming or could impact our nervous system like that, like a trip and fall, or a car accident, or a bike accident, or an emotional experience where someone said something that hurt our feelings. It doesn’t matter what it is, it matters how your body and your heart, and your nervous system responded and whether it was overwhelmed.

Candice Wu 36:48

So the gentleness and compassion comes in, not using our mind to filter what was appropriate for us to be overwhelmed by or what we should or shouldn’t have done, or how we should or shouldn’t have reacted. But it is what happened. And what do we feel now?

Candice Wu 37:09

Our mental body tries to rationalize all that and thinks, and sees a lot faster than our physical body. And our nervous system can integrate. Our awareness connects with that, our awareness of our mental body or mind, as well as what our animal instinctual body is feeling is holding both of those together, and able to support us in healing.

Candice Wu 37:41

Our body is so sacred. It’s the vessel to carry us through life and to allow us to experience pleasure and to experience joy and love. And to be who we are, it is such a gift to our entire being to just be who we are, and to be with all that we feel in congruence with inside and outside.

Candice Wu 38:08

Our creativity wants to manifest through this life, through our sexual energy, through what we desire to express and create in the world, to experience connection, to feel touch, and enjoy that sense of pleasure, to experience nature, to experience pain, sadness, anger, all of those emotions that we can feel, our soul, our body, connected with our soul wants us to have all of that and to enjoy all of that.

Candice Wu 38:48

So I’d like to offer a couple of experientials in the next coming days around how to be in the body, to stop and just simply feel your body. To be in it and deepen in the experience of it, with an awareness that has softness, compassion, and witness to help bring safety to the body.

Candice Wu 39:18

Something you can start with that already was previously on the podcast is the Five Senses Body Scan. And that’s Episode 59b be so you can go to CandiceWu.com/ep59 and scroll down and find that experiential.

Candice Wu 39:38

Also, you can tune into Letting The Body Lead, which is allowing an organic movement from inside to come outward, and to feel in the body with a different connection and relationship to the body. That’s Episode 32a. And that’s at CandiceWu.com/ep32.

Candice Wu 40:01

But what I’ll offer later this week is, Orienting In The Body, that’s from Somatic Experiencing from Peter Levine, of just being in the presence of your space and surroundings, as well as the presence of your body, allowing yourself to get here and arrive here even more deeply.

Candice Wu 40:25

It’s like cats and dogs do when they enter a space, they sniff it out. They look around, they hear, and they feel into their bodies, whether it’s safe or not. And we often skip that step.

Candice Wu 40:40

So, orienting the body can truly help us to feel good, and then to go deeper in the presence of who we are, and go deeper into healing if we need to heal. Bringing attention inward into the body is one of the most powerful, probably the most powerful thing you can do for healing and for presence. Just our awareness alone, and being with what is, is what allows healing to happen.

Candice Wu 41:13

Because the body is so intelligent, it feels this boost of our awareness and begins the healing process immediately. There’s not much more you have to do. But there are tools that can support an opening of some sort or accessing in different ways. But that primary, basic tool of presence and seeing and witnessing in the body, and allowing is really the key to everything.

Candice Wu 41:45

When you fuel the body with your conscious awareness, it amplifies the healing. So there’s a grounding touch experiential that you can tune into at CandiceWu.com/ep47.

Candice Wu 42:01

But in this series of this podcast, I want to offer touch to the body, to claim the body as yours, and to bring your body even to another level of presence and awareness in the now.

Candice Wu 42:20

And a third experiential that’ll offer is “Talking To The Body: Body Language”, connecting with the body and how do we support ourselves and open to what the body, or what the organs inside, or what a part of our body that feels hurt, pain, tension, sadness, any emotional sensation, what it wants to say to us, what it might be saying to us, what sound effects it might want to make, to allow a healing movement. And how that can bring a new level of awareness in your presence and more healing.

Candice Wu 43:01

There are two experientials that relate to this that are already out there as well. One is the Body Love Ritual, 55c. It’s giving attention to a specific part of the body. And that’s just to give loving attention inward. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep55.

Candice Wu 43:22

And also, Conversations With Your Gut, 26c, that’s at CandiceWu.com/ep26. That one is where we talk with our bellies and allow the belly to speak to us what it wants to say, what it needs, what emotions arise from that.

Candice Wu 43:43

And so, those are two that you can tune into now. And as you tune in later this week, we’ll go deeper into talking with the body, or a specific part of the body to allow healing.

Candice Wu 43:56

There are so many messages that the body is saying, and we may not understand all of them. But to build all the tools that we can to decipher what the body’s saying and to allow it to heal in its fullest capacity, that’s what I’m interested in. And that’s what these experientials will offer you. And so we build the capacity to feel a bite-size at a time, what’s going on inside. And there are so many layers that accumulate over time of our experience. Everything we take in through, our senses, our experience is something that our body needs to digest, and we need to give it time, we need to give it presence. So we just work with that one thing at a time, one piece at a time.

Candice Wu 44:51

So as we conclude today, I’m thinking about Game of Thrones. If you watch that or have watched it, I love how they say: “Blood of my blood.” This is when they’re speaking to their children or their kin, someone who is of their blood.

Candice Wu 45:10

And we have often used blood to signify the importance of connection in the lineage or our bond to those that we love, like you are my blood, or I bleed green, if you’re from Michigan State, go Spartans!

Candice Wu 45:30

The blood, the body, the physical body is so sacred. And we know it at a very deep and instinctual level. When we say “blood of my blood”, we use that to signify the deepest bonds.

Candice Wu 45:45

And so as we leave today, I want to offer this experience of gratitude and love for your body for this sacred expression of who you are, that lives as who you are. And that’s holding all these experiences for you to get to know yourself deeper, and holding all these pains, and visceral tension, as well as positive experiences, all to support you in the deepest knowing you could have in this lifetime.

Candice Wu 46:28

So we can take a moment together to just appreciate this body. And if you have a place that your body wants you to touch, if you just try out, touching your legs or your belly, or your heart, feeling where the body would be soothed if you touch it, or allowing your body to move in any way that feels comfortable, soothing.

Candice Wu 47:02

And to just give this moment to your body, to all the organs inside. We’re not asking anything of your body. We’re just being in presence with these legs, these things that you call legs, with this belly, and spine. These bones, these muscles, these cells in the body and just notice how your breath is as you acknowledge your body.

Candice Wu 47:54

And if there’s anything you can thank your body for, for this breath, for being alive, for being able to move, for being able to see or smell, or hear if you can do any of those things, for being present here.

Candice Wu 48:24

Just notice how that feels for you. To be in your body at this moment. And inviting that appreciation for your body.

Candice Wu 48:49

And as we conclude today, feel free to give your body anything it needs to feel even more comfortable through your day or to feel more supported. Whatever that might be for you, just imagine giving that to yourself and how it feels, how it will feel.

Candice Wu 49:24

Make any commitment to yourself or to your body that feels right in this moment, of what you might do for yourself today, or in this week.

Candice Wu 49:43

Thanks so much for joining me today. And stay tuned for all the experientials that will connect with this episode and bring you deeper into the experience of loving your body and being able to communicate and heal your body, and that your body becomes your ally.

Candice Wu 50:06

Before you go, I’d love for you to join me in my bi-monthly newsletter, where you’ll receive updates, all the experientials that go out each week, retreats, events, as well as news about my travels or what’s going on in my emotional world or my heart, what themes have been coming up.

Candice Wu 50:31

You can sign up for that at CandiceWu.com/embody. And be sure to check out all the other experientials that I’ve offered on this podcast, as well as my guests on the podcast, that are various wellness practitioners or healers from all around the world also offering their own experientials.

Candice Wu 50:50

We have several podcasts coming up from authors of books that are beautiful. They’re about healing around money, around self-love, as well as lessons from a volcano in Hawaii.

Candice Wu 51:07

So all those podcasts are coming out in the next couple of weeks and months. And be sure to check all that out at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 51:20

It’s great to have you here and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

You are listening to the first experiential of three, related to the episode around conversations with your body.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co creative-conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

This Experience: Feeling at Home and Ease, Safety

This experiential is to support you in feeling at home and at ease in your body, supporting your nervous system and feeling safe in your surroundings, and being in the present moment.

It allows you to deepen into your present experience and to support further healing and building of capacity to feel through any experience that you’re going through.

Let’s Begin

So, I recommend finding a comfortable place to sit and would rather that you are not in transit or driving or doing anything that requires your full attention.

As you find a comfortable place to sit, begin to notice your surroundings as if you are experiencing them for the first time.

Turn on the part of you that witnesses color, shapes or lines, textures, and patterns.

Imagine that you’re like a cat or a dog that is coming into this space for the first time, and is checking out whether this is a safe place to be and where there are nice smells, where it’s a nice place to sit or be.

Connect with Pleasure

As you look around, connect with what feels pleasant to look at.

Let your mind continue on with whatever it’s thinking about if there’s any thinking going on. And if you notice yourself getting lost in your thoughts or distracted, come back slowly to what’s right in front of you.

Notice the ground, the textures of the ground, whether you’re inside or out.

Notice where the ground meets a wall if you’re indoors or the sky if you’re outdoors.

Allow your gaze to soften even more and slow down, and if there is something that looks pleasant to around you, an object or a color, a texture or some shape or line, take a longer time there.

Allow yourself to enjoy it and experience what’s going on inside your body.

Notice where, looking at something pleasant might allow your breath to deepen or slow, feel if there’s any ease or calmness inside or any softening.

Let your eyes trace the lines or shapes of the thing that you’re looking at, and if your eyes are moving quickly, notice that and allow them to move a little slower.

If they’re already slow, feel what that’s like, and as you continue to scan the room, or the space that you’re in or your surroundings, notice what catches your eyes.

Feel the quality of your site, whether your eyes are restricted and tight, sharp and pointedly looking or if your gaze is soft, spacious and broad.

Notice any sounds and feel the experience in your body of the sounds or any smells or tastes that you’re aware of.

Deepen

Let yourself deepen into the experience of what it’s like to be right here in your body right now.

Feel the edges of your body.

You might even look at the edges of your body and become aware of where your body is sitting on something or touching the floor or ground, as well as where your back or any other part of your body is touching something else.

Notice the sensation of where your body is touching its surroundings, whether that’s the air, you’re clothing, the ground, or something that you’re sitting on.

Whatever feels pleasant or enjoyable to you or peaceful, allow yourself to stay there a little longer, just hanging out in the feeling.

As you breathe, notice that you’re alive, you’re here, you’re in this space, and feel what it’s like to be in your body right now.

Closing and Shifting Into the Day

As we conclude today and you shift into the rest of your day, stay connected with your surroundings and what you see around you as you move

As you take any action and notice what that brings you throughout your day.

Other Experientials

I’ll leave you with a little music here to transition, and I invite you to check out the other experientials that will support you in healing the connection with your body, opening our relationship with the body, talking to sensation, organs or parts of the body to bring healing as well as using touch and awareness to different parts of the body, to bring more embodiment and healing.

You can find all of those experiences at CandiceWu.com/conversationswiththebody. You can also check out more healing experientials that CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Thanks so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Your body is your home.

It is your physical temple that moves you through life and allows you to experience everything.

Sometimes, we don’t feel in our bodies, sometimes we experienced trauma or something that brings us out of our body because it’s overwhelming, and that’s not a conscious choice, our nervous system does that on its own, and what we can do is support it in feeling like it’s a safe place so that you can be in your body and fully experience life.

This healing experiential is to support you in claiming your presence in your body and connecting with all the parts of your body with gratitude for what they offer you and your life.

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the embody podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

So, if you’re ready, I recommend a private space and sitting comfortably.

As you arrive into yourself, into this space, invite all of yourself here. Whatever there’s any part of you left behind at work or school, or wherever your mind is, at the moment, invite it back here to the present moment.

Notice your breath and the quality of your breathing, and just simply feel your inhalation and exhalation.

Now, during this process, we’re going to be touching every part of the body, and claiming every part of the body as yours, as well as appreciating it for all that it can offer you. And the body holds a lot of information and a lot of implicit memory, meaning that unconscious material may come up — things that you’re not aware of, feelings or emotions that you’re not aware are there, thoughts that may come up about your body, a variety of feelings. And sometimes traumatic memories can come up or discomfort, and other times you might feel joyful or a connection, peacefulness.

Let yourself be curious about whatever may show up for you here, and if you’re aware that this may be too overwhelming for you or uncomfortable, take it at your own pace, I recommend taking breaks or choosing to do this with a trusted friend, therapist or coach or other type of healing facilitator that can guide you through it.

At any time, if I’m using words for the body that don’t apply to you or don’t fit for you, feel free to change them so that they fit just right to your specific body, what you call your body, and your gender or sex. Whatever it is that fits for you. This is your body, and this is a time to honor your experience in your body.

So, if you’re ready, go ahead and take your hands on the top of your head and just feel your head. If you have hair, feel your hair. Use the kind of touch to your head that would feel the pleasant or soothing, that might be a firm touch or a squeeze. Tune into how your body is feeling with it.

And as you do this, notice your breathing. Notice your emotions, any sensations that are happening as well as the temperature of your body, and feel free to say this out loud or in your mind, “This is my head. This is my hair.” And stay with those words, and notice what that’s like for you.

Give yourself permission to experience whatever is here, whatever it’s like for you without any judgment, filter or changing at. This is your experience, and we’re here to open to whatever the body is telling you or showing you, letting it reveal to you what may be held here or what it feels like to connect.

When you’re ready to move on, take your hands towards your face and then touch the face how it feels right, maybe the cheekbones or right over the eyes, maybe pausing and holding yourself face or touching with soft strokes, whatever feels good. And again, say out loud or in your head, “This is my face.”

Notice how your impulse is in terms of the tone of your voice as you say it. Sometimes, one part of the body feels like the tone is, “this is my face” or “this is my face.” Notice what feels natural to you in the moment or what wants to come through, and whatever feelings or emotions come with it, witness that with compassion and some tenderness, and then move to the neck, touching the neck just as it feels right. “This is my neck.” And feel your attention on your neck as you say the words, “This is my neck.”

Notice any images in your mind, being curious about what’s there, the emotions and sensation. Feel all that the head, face and neck offer you and your life, noticing that the brain is inside the skull, and all of what this part of the body does for you on a daily basis — your eyes, your ears, your nose, your mouth, and with your breath just sending appreciation and attention to this part of your body that does so much involuntarily, all the time for you.

You might also notice if your mind thinks a lot or if you feel you obsess or there’s pain in this part of your body, be aware of that as well, just holding the experience at this part of your body has.

And now, move on to your chest. Feel your chest and upper body. “This is my chest.” And here Feel free to use whatever words feel right. “These are my breasts.”

“This is my chest.” Make your way your shoulders and your arms, perhaps giving yourself a self-hug, touching the arms the way they’d like to be touched. “These are my arms.”

“These are my elbows.” “These are my wrists.”

“These are my hands and these are my fingers.” And as you feel your shoulders, your arms, elbows, wrists, hands, and fingers. Notice them, see them. Feel the touch. Experience what it’s like to say, “These are mine.”

Now, find your hands towards your belly and use whatever words are right. “This is my belly.” Or “This is my gut, my core, my womb.”

Notice the experience of this. As you stay a little longer, feel any emotion, any sensation like tingling, aching, warmth, tightness, gurgling, and when you’re ready, touch your back in any place you can reach. “This is my back and this is my spine.”

Notice any thoughts, feelings, pictures in your mind, and take some time now to appreciate. Watch your shoulders, arms, hands, chest or breasts, belly, and back. What they do for you and your life, what they offer you? How they can reach out? How these parts of your body can be for pleasure or enjoyment of just the senses or experiencing something that you’re doing? How your hands can create? How your heart can express itself all the way through your hands?

And as you’re ready, let your hands move down to your hips and your pelvis. “These are my hips.” And become aware of any experience as you touch your hips, and what it’s like to do this now.

Take note if anything that comes up that you’d like to come back to later. Now, let yourself move to your butt. “This is my butt.” And use you whatever words fit for you.

And as you come to the front of your body, at the hips and pelvis, to your reproductive organs, again, use the words that feel appropriate and right for you. “This is my vagina or my penis or whatever organs you would name.” Connect with this part of your body naming it what feels right for you. This part of the body can be very loaded with our experiences or trauma or pain or pleasure. So, be gentle and compassionate, and witness anything that comes up for you here, today.

Notice temperature, emotion, sensations or images.

And now, shift to your thighs, touching your legs here. “These are my legs. These are my knees, my shins and calves.” And take a moment to pause here, at your legs.

Now, touch your ankles and say to yourself or out loud. “These are my ankles.” Feel them from the inside out. Picture the insides of the ankles, and give yourself the attention here and notice what that’s like. And as you touch your feet and toes, “These are my feet.” “These are my toes.”

And as you notice all the way from your hips to legs, to feet, take a moment to appreciate what the hips, legs, and feet do for you in your daily life. They allow you to move from place to place if you’re able to move with your legs. How these parts of your body support you in your daily functions or in any experience of play or pleasure or sensuality.

And now, take a moment to feel your whole body is one. See, visually, your whole body just from where you’re sitting. Picture all the outlines of your body. Allow your hands to touch any place that wants a little more attention. Feel any sensations, emotions, movement or images that arise from connecting here with this part of the body.

Sense the quality of your breath and the quality of your awareness, and as you take note of any place in the body that’s calling for more attention or offers a more intense experience or emotion, be aware that you can always come back and spend a little more time in those places. Feel free to take a break because that can also help to digest any challenging emotions. Also, take note of where the body, even if it’s a tiny little toe or ear where the body felt some peace or neutral or some pleasure.

And as we begin to transition out of this experience and into the rest of the day, take a moment to make a commitment to yourself of one place in the body that you can pay more attention to throughout the day. Maybe that’s a part of your body that feels pleasurable or maybe it’s a part that feels pain or tension or perhaps it’s a part that you ignore or never even given any attention to on a daily basis.

For a while, I felt it was really profound to even bring my attention now to my ankles, and it was such a shift when I started to do that. And over time, I gradually was able to do that, and I could feel my ankles and my feet throughout the day, almost all the time, and it feels really grounding. So, what part of your body would you like to make a commitment to, to give your awareness and attention to?

As you come out of this experience, let yourself see your surroundings, come back to here and now. Stretch or move your body in any way that feels good, and thank yourself for practicing.

We’ll leave with a little music as you transition. Feel free to connect with the other healing experientials that connect with this episode. You can find all the experientials at CandiceWu.com/conversationswiththebody. The next one is focusing even deeper on one aspect, one part of the body that’s really calling you, and opening up anything that that part of the body wants to tell you or show you so that you can deepen in your experience, feel more grounded, and/or heal that part of the body.

Thanks so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

You’re tuning into Body Language: Loving the Body’s Multidimensional Communication.

This is a healing experiential that I’ll guide you through to connect with your body. Your body wants you to listen and wants you to understand it so that you know yourself more deeply. And for any incomplete healing movements or anything that the body is moving through, to be supported with love, witness, gentleness and compassion.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

The Body’s Communication: Multilingual and Multidimensional

The body communicates to us multilingually and multidimensionally.

It sends us information through a sense in our body, emotion, a sensation of tinglingness, achiness, heat, pain, calmness, ease, as well as movement in the body, impulse, images, thoughts that come to us, a feeling sense, our dreams, all of what the body goes through, all of its aches and pains, all of what illness that we have, connect with who we believe we are, and the experiences that we have experienced over time.

It also connects with our ancestry, what’s given to us, what we have inherited through the lineage that is also connected with the soul and the heart.

When the heart wants something, desires something, and it is wanting it just that much and doesn’t receive it, when the body doesn’t receive what it needs growing up, or in a certain situation that’s overwhelming, then the body holds on to that part, that moment in time, and wants us to go back to it to complete its movement, to allow it to come back to safety, peace, and wholeness.

Our bodies want us to feel good and want us to feel pleasure and take it along for the ride for all of who you are. And it is the expression of who you are in that deep level.

More on the Main Podcast

If you’d like to hear more about that, you can listen to the main podcast about conversations with the body, body love, and body language. That’s the episode connected with this experiential, along with two other experientials around being in the body, how to connect with the body for healing and relating to the body with love. You can find that episode with the experientials at CandiceWu.com/conversationswiththebody.

Let’s Begin

So let’s jump into this experience.

Find yourself a comfortable place to be and allow yourself to lean into your present experience. Turn on the part of you that is able to witness what’s happening inside, the aware part of you. The part that is you.

And as you begin to witness, let’s start by witnessing your breathing, witnessing your surroundings, and when you’re ready, feel free to close your eyes or look down to let your awareness go inward.

As you feel into your body, notice any part of the body that feels like it needs attention or love. This might be any part of the body that feels like it’s in pain or tension.

If there’s an emotion happening, if you have any disease or illness in any place in the body, select one place of the body that you’d like to focus on for this time.

Awareness of What May Reveal

As we open into the experience of what the body might want to say to you or show you, be aware that challenging emotions might come up, memories might come up, movements, discomfort, all of this is what stored in that tension, illness, pain or emotion in the body.

So as we go into it, be aware that this might reveal itself and take breaks at any time. Just come back to your safety, give a little bit of touch, or distract yourself and just come to what feels good in the moment.

Orienting to Support the Nervous System

You can also tune into the experiential, the first one of the series around orienting and that one will bring you to coming to your surroundings and deepening into safety in the moment, that’s a great way to take a break. And you can always come back and continue on later or another day and just take one bite at a time.

Continue

And for now, if you’re ready to move forward with whatever place in your body is calling you, go then place your hands on this part of the body that you’d like to focus on.

Feel what it’s like to have your hands there, whether there’s any warmth or coolness feel the right amount of pressure or the kind of touch that this place of your body would feel soothed by.

Let’s open to all of the ways that the body can communicate with us. All of the languages that it asserts Itself in or expresses in, can express in color, an emotion, a feeling sense, sound, texture.

But take this moment as you’re with this part of your body, feel into what sensation is here. Notice if this sensation has a shape.

Notice what color or colors it might be. Feel how big it is or what amount of space it takes up, what it looks like.

And if this is hard for you, imagine what it would look like if you could see it.

Sense the texture of the sensation that’s there, if there’s any sensation at all.

Begin to notice if your body would naturally move in a certain way as you’re focusing on this as you’re aware of this part of your body. And that might mean any part of your body. So you might notice your toes crawl up or your shoulders tighten or a reaching movement or stillness curling in.

Be aware of any images that pop into your mind or that reveal itself. Witness all this without changing it, without trying to analyze it. But experiencing this image, the sensation, as well as what emotion comes with it, if any.

If any of this is hard to connect with, just imagine what it would be like to experience it or just leave it out.

So as you witness this part of the body even longer, but the quality of your witnessing be of the gentle and tender kind, with some softness.

I Am Listening

Begin to let your body know, in this place, I am listening. I am here. I’m open to what you have to say or show me.

Notice what this experience is like for you whether that’s easy or hard or there’s something begins to happen.

Break?

This may be as far as you go today. This may be enough. If there are a lot of emotions already here, follow what’s happening. Be with what just showed up and take a break when it’s time, when you start to feel overwhelmed or before you feel overwhelmed, or just, to allow a break.

More

And if you’re ready to go on and take another step, feel into this place in your body.

If this place in the body had a sound effect or a noise that would come with it, what would that be? Would it be a growl or a scream or bellow sound? Would it be sharp?

Let it come from inside rather than thinking about it. There might be no sound at all, or it might be hard to access. If so, just leave it and be with what you feel here what you sense and what you see.

And if there is a sound effect or noise, make that noise if you’d like to, or imagine that sound in your head, you can even take a deep breath and allow a little breath, a little bit of sound to come out as you imagine in your mind the exact sound that would come out if you were uninhibited, or if it could be completely free and satisfying.

Lean into any of the emotions or sensation that begins to happen as you picture or do the sound that wants to emerge.

Again, this might be where you complete for the day or pause for this moment.

Messages From the Body

And if you’re wanting another step, turn towards this part of the body or imagine it outside of you and from a place of asking and listening, ask it, “What would you like me to know right now?” And listen, without any filter or judgment.

Ask: “What would you like me to know right now?”

Notice any images, emotions, words or sounds that come and pay attention to even a little whisper of something. Something that you might typically ignore or pass by. What would you like me to know right now?

And if a memory comes up, or a thought, a feeling, a sound, anything, if any of that comes up, or presents itself, be with it. Witness it and allow it to be here with your aware presence.

Imagine that you’re watching it like it’s a movie playing. Feel free to pause here and take more time with it.

What Your Body Needs Instinctually

And for today, well take one more step. Ask this part of your body. “What do you need?” And ask it with love, “What do you need?” And listen and see anything that it wants to show you, allow you to feel, or sense.

See if it can get to the very basis of what it needs or see if you understand what it’s saying or showing you and you can always ask for more information.

• Tell me more.
• Can you be more specific?
• Or can you clarify?

Just like you’re asking a loved one and if you understand what it’s saying or showing you, what it’s asking for, give it what it needs or imagine that you’re doing so. And if you’re not understanding, stay with it.

Be patient and just invite any more information.

Allow your body to move freely as you feel into what’s here as you stay with any shift in the body, any uncomfortable or comfortable feeling, feel your breath.

Honoring

When you feel ready, with your hands on this place on the body that you’ve been giving your attention to, with whatever happened today, just honor this part of your body.

Honor that this part of your body is trying to show you something and wants you to heal and that some part of you knows exactly what you need. Some part of you knows how to heal, if it hasn’t done so already.

Thank this part of your body. Thank your whole body. Thank yourself. Notice any gurgling inside, any movement of energy, what sensations are continuing.

When your body feels the readiness, go ahead and move a little bit.

Stretch if you need to.

Slowly begin to open the eyes.

Come back to being here in the present moment.

Notice what catches your eyes. Allow your eyes to land on something that feels soothing to look at, whether that’s a color, an object, plant out the window.

Take a little extra time here to let the body slowly ease back into the space around you, your day.

Closing and Moving Through the Day

And I’ll leave you with just a little bit of music to support the transition as you honor what it is that showed up for you today, and how your body continues to speak to you.

And as you move through today, stay aware of this part of the body and what’s continuing to transform.

Revisiting in the Future

And I invite you to come back to this audio experience and revisit each time something new might reveal itself.

And each time just feeling into a little bit more deepening into the understanding of what your body, your soul, your heart wants to tell you.

What pain or what past experience it wants you to get to know. What beliefs might come up? What images might come up?

And I want to thank you for joining me today and taking this experience and invite you to continue to notice yourself throughout the day. Thanks so much for joining me today and looking forward to having you again here on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is with special guest Kerry Maiorca of the beloved Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago, and in this episode, we explore how to give yourself permission that you can’t do this wrong, that how we do self-care is more important than what we do, why first graders are better at meditation than you are, and being brave to do what’s enough and not more.

Candice Wu 0:25

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:38

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:56

This episode is sponsored by My Workshops. The next one coming up is July 21, 2019, in Chicago, Illinois, and it’s called Restore the Flow of Love, whether it related to abundance, money, love, relationships, your health, or disease, tension in your body, your career, your purpose, our struggles related to these connect with early unconscious and unspoken ways of belonging and the flow of love through the ancestry. So, the connection with our lineage is carried through our bodies, in the cells, the viscera, the heart, energy, in our disease, in our fluidity, in our freedom, and where those before us didn’t get to integrate a loss or trauma, where there was an imbalance or relationships, that flow of love is disrupted and is a placeholder for where there’s energy, strength, and resource waiting for us to open and for it to flow towards us.

Candice Wu 2:00

So, in family and systemic constellations, we constantly acknowledge these dynamics that are in the undercurrent of the system were a part of, whether they’re known or unknown. So, in this workshop will set up several constellations for people who are interested in seeing what those underlying dynamics are for, the struggles they’re having, or some area of life that they want something different, and in that, we restore the flow of love, allowing you to move from a more natural space from ease and freedom, and embodiment, authenticity, and truth. So, if you’re interested, check out the workshop at CandiceWu.com/flowoflove. If this day has already passed for you, you can check out all the other workshops coming up at CandiceWu.com/events.

Candice Wu 2:52

Hello, everyone, it’s great to have you, and I’m so excited to share this conversation with Kerry Maiorca today. Kerry’s mission is to inspire you to slow down, to breathe more deeply, and to do a little less. She specializes in teaching gentle and restorative yoga, and that’s how we met. I loved teaching restorative yoga at Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago and the community, all the people, the space, everything that Kerry touches is infused with this spaciousness, this love, and the simplicity of everyone can do this practice, we all can take a deep breath. So, I invite you to do this now, to take this deep breath, and to slow down, and I invite you into this conversation with Kerry to be nourished.

Candice Wu 3:47

Kerry is passionate about sharing the depth of her practice in an accessible, individualized and down-to-earth way, and she is also the chair of the board for the Yoga Alliance and has been teaching yoga for over 20 years. She loves mentoring, both new and experienced yoga teachers, to help them authentically shine in their practice and who they are, and as teachers, and in September 2019, she’ll be co-leading the Nourish Life Retreat in Aspen, and that is complete with gentle yoga, culinary-nutrition classes, and a creativity reboot, and she’ll share about that in this podcast as well as you can check out all that information at KerryMaiorca.com and in the show notes attached to this episode.

Candice Wu 4:35

So, with this inspiration of Kerry’s presence here, I invite you to slow down right now, to feel a breath, to just take in whatever’s here for you to a little less as you listen in today. Maybe don’t multitask or maybe just slow down a little bit, and I invite you into this conversation with Kerry.

Candice Wu 5:12

Hello Kerry, it’s great to have you on the show today.

Kerry Maiorca 5:15

Thank you so much for having me. I always love getting a chance to connect with you and really dive into interesting topics.

Candice Wu 5:23

I know, we talked about such interesting things. I’m so excited to talk to you, and where I met you was Bloom Yoga Studio, Kerry, and it’s, this is a studio that has been just growing, the word bloom is just so perfect. It is continually blooming and so lovely, and also, you’ve grown even more into different parts of you, I just would like to open the space for you to share where you are on your journey and what you’re doing now.

Kerry Maiorca 5:58

Thanks, Candice. I love the word bloom, too, and I love it for so many reasons because I think that, to me, it calls to mind the cycle of plant life and flowers, growth, and that it is something that you know, can change over periods of time and develop in different ways, and that’s really what is most exciting to me in my own life, and you know, I founded bloom 15 years ago, and, you know, it’s amazing to say that it’s hard, it’s been so much fun, it’s sort of flown by, but I really started it for very particular reasons, which are still true today, but have kind of also evolved, and I really founded Bloom because I felt like yoga could be very intimidating for people, and I had experienced the transformational benefits of it for myself.

Candice Wu 6:52

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 6:53

The practice of the postures, the deep and conscious breathwork, meditation, and then for me also, a huge, huge part was the restorative poses and relaxation. I know we have that same love of restorative work.

Candice Wu 7:10

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 7:11

And I just found that it seems complicated to the outside world, and sometimes the imagery of what means yoga, and what is that all about? Who are you? Who do you have to be able to practice it? I found that so many people never saw themselves in that image, and never felt it could fit in their lives. And so, that was really what started the whole place, and that’s what we’ve drawn, you know, we’ve drawn people.

Candice Wu 7:41

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 7:42

I just was talking with a trainee yesterday on our mentorship call, and he was saying to me, when I told people, I became a yoga teacher who’ve known me for my whole life, they could not believe it, and there’s just still, there’s like this barrier that people think yoga is other, and to me, like, you don’t need to be able to do anything fancy to be taking a deep breath, and slowing down, and that’s what I love most about yoga and what I love most about Bloom, and as you said, I really believe in a simple approach, because I think that that’s what works for me, you know, if I make it complicated, if I make it other or too esoteric, I don’t even ever get a chance to go into the depth, you know, because it just doesn’t feel like me, I’m silly, I’m goofy, I, you know, get frustrated. I yell at my kids sometimes, and then apologize later, you know, I make bad decisions. I’m a regular person. So, I think that’s really…

Candice Wu 8:47

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 8:47

….like, that is the thing I started it for, and I learned more about that as we’ve been open and it’s still so true for me today, and you know, now I’m shifting in different ways but that’s what, that’s what I love. That’s why I’m still doing this work. It’s not because of being able to do any fancy pose, it’s not about the splits or balancing on one hand, like that is not what I’m about. I’m about slowing down, breathing deeply, and just getting quiet.

Candice Wu 9:22

I feel that, you know, when I was a teacher there, which I just so adore of my time there and being just in that energy, and with people there, and also, being a student there at times, and just walking in the space is like I’m able to bring my whole self like, yes, the normal self. It’s not like I have to cut part of myself off and only be a certain part of myself to fit into this yoga class, and it’s so refreshing.

Kerry Maiorca 9:54

Yeah, I’m really glad that you felt that, and of course, oh my gosh, we were so delighted and honored to have you teaching at Bloom, and ah, you’re amazing, because I think you really embody that authenticity, and also, that sort of spacious, slow, deep work that I just, you know, whether I was in your class, or just being with you, talking with you, I always come away with that feeling, and it’s really inspiring. I love that about you.

Candice Wu 10:25

Thank you, I think restorative yoga gives me even more permission to do that because it’s this is the yoga. It gives me the format, to even go slower. So, it helps me.

Kerry Maiorca 10:42

But as a teacher, you have to be brave doing that. I think that the thing I’ve found, I talked about this a lot with teachers, and just think about this for myself. I’ve been teaching over 20 years, and still, I sometimes can go into class and think they’re going to want more.

Candice Wu 11:03

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 11:04

And this is this pull that we feel like as practitioners, sometimes we should be doing more, you know, the terrible should.

Kerry Maiorca 11:13

And as teachers, we worry that all they want their butts kicked, so I better you know, throw in a few more Chaturangas and hold all these strong poses longer, and there is nothing wrong with that, I’m you know, I love exercise, and I love straight strengthening my muscles and working, and I also feel the yoga space gives us one place in our life where it isn’t about that, and so, as teachers, and as practitioners, we should just seize that and enjoy it, because it might be the only time we get to do it. You know, slow, soft, and still be yourself. You don’t have to be so serious, and it doesn’t have to be so sacred. It is simple. It’s, but, profound.

Candice Wu 11:13

Yeah.

Candice Wu 12:00

Well, what you’re saying, like, it is a brave thing to do that, to like cut through, the expectations that we have on ourselves that the outer world may have on us or what we’ve, I don’t know, somehow, it just feels like so distorted. Like, somehow we have distorted this image of yoga that is this doing more, kicking our butts in place, and yeah, there is a level of bravery just to do it simply and to say, “No, I’m going to be brave and not do more.” And be brave and do the simple thing.

Kerry Maiorca 12:34

And what’s so amazing about that, when you do that, whether you’re a teacher or as a practitioner, yourself, when you give yourself permission to do less, is that as you practice it over time, it translates into your real life. You know, for me, this morning, for example, I woke up and I had had a plan to do a more active asana practice, and I woke up and I just, I was tired. Like my body felt a little bit drained. But I still really wanted to practice, and so I thought, well, what can I do that honors how I’m actually feeling, you know, but and gets me that sense of connection, and so, I decided I was going to practice my meditation, and just do restorative only that day.

Candice Wu 13:25

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 13:26

And then the funny part was, that my youngest child who’s just almost four, she had another idea, which was she wanted to play with me in the morning, and so, I, my yoga practice became, “Oh, this is my time to connect with my daughter.” I went in, we played babies, we had a lovely time, I get to take a nap because that was part of the game. I was very happy.

Candice Wu 13:49

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 13:50

And then I said to her, okay, now, you know, now I need to go do my practice. And so I went in, and I sat down and I practice my meditation for a few minutes, and then in she comes, you know, “Can I sit with you?” How sweet is that! So, I opened up my blanket and she sits on my lap, I cuddle her in, and she sat with me in meditation for maybe like two minutes, which for almost-four-year-old is a long time.

Candice Wu 14:16

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 14:17

And then she scurried off on her way, and you know, she got to see me advocating for myself, to take time to do quiet and stillness, and then she got to, you know, tap into it for a second, and for me, you know, the me of five years ago, would have felt frustrated, resentful, and also just sort of like, sorry for myself, you know, I woke up early, and then my daughter took this time for me that I wanted for my practice, but the real-life is always happening, and that’s where, if yoga is only about achieving the poses, and doing something, it doesn’t really help you in your real life. You’re sitting you’ll be bent out of shape, when you know, someone at work does something that bothers you or your partner had, you know, you have a fight with your partner, and you’re not going to be able to even see that as the yoga but that is the yoga.

Kerry Maiorca 15:13

And so, you have to have the actual practice, and you have to carve out the space and time to you know, get slow, get still, get quiet and do those practices, and I love my asana practice, it’s just become way less important to me, then the mindset, which carries off of my meditation and into my life, where I can see, “Hey, she needs to connect with me right now.” That’s beautiful, and I want to do that.

Candice Wu 15:36

That’s beautiful. And when you say that is the yoga, I love that, and what can you say more, that is the yoga and the mindset.

Kerry Maiorca 15:48

If you think back to what any of the, you know, ancient texts of yoga that whatever your tradition and approach, you know, those are there, you know, whether you really resonate with some of these texts or not, they are the foundation of what you are practicing when you are practicing yoga, and I always like to think about and when I’m teaching, you know, tell my students that the asana is the vehicle for what’s actually happening, you know, the asana, the poses themselves, those are not doing yoga, you know, we call that that it’s, that’s the easiest way to call it when we’re in a class, those are the things we practice to get us in our bodies and to connect with the breath, and you know, to also take care, its maintenance, I see asana as maintenance, it’s a way to stay a little stronger, a little bit gently mobile and balanced, and then to use the breath to regulate the nervous system, those are the maintenance tasks.

Kerry Maiorca 16:51

If it only ends there to me, that’s really, that’s short, changing what I could be experiencing with yoga. I like to think about what is the pose for, you know, why am I practicing oppose whether it’s restorative or active? What am I doing it for? Partly, I’m doing it to maintain the body but I could do that at a gym. So, what’s the difference? And so to me, I think the difference is the mindset, and the idea of, you know, non-harming, of being truthful with ourselves, like for me this morning, truth was, I need a slow, soft practice, and you know, some days it’s, I need to not go to the gym, today, I need to do something gentler with myself, or I need to go to bed really early, even though I was planning on doing a little work before bed, it’s those kinds of things, where you’re attentive to what’s actually happening, rather than putting should, over everything you do, and operating in a robotic way.

Kerry Maiorca 17:51

To me, the yoga of everyday life is learning to be more intuitive, and more connected, we use what we do in the yoga classroom, to develop those skills, to develop greater sensitivity to the body and the breath, and to actually be quiet enough to hear the thoughts, because most of our daily life doesn’t give us the space for that, or we don’t take it, we could, anytime. But it’s hard to take it with, you know, what we read and what we do on a device and our work, and our family, and listening to music, and you know, listening to wonderful podcasts, like yours.

Kerry Maiorca 18:29

You know, we’re always about input, and when you get on a yoga mat, you know, I practice and teach with silence. Some people use music, even with you know, very quiet music, you can still access this, but personally, I love to practice in silence because it’s not input, and then I can hear my thoughts and I can get to know, what am I saying to myself? Am I kind? Am I telling myself I’m not good enough? You know, it’s that to me is where yoga on a mat, whether it’s in a class or in my home practice, it’s the way to maintain the body to regulate the breath and the nervous system, and then to really just physically provide a rest. But it’s so much about the mind, and I get some of my, I don’t know if this happens to you, Candice, but I get some of my best ideas for writing, when I’m practicing, you know, and just…

Candice Wu 19:22

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 19:23

…like the creativity, it’s just incredible.

Candice Wu 19:25

This start flowing.

Kerry Maiorca 19:27

Yeah.

Candice Wu 19:28

Yeah. I mean, I get it all. I get the creativity, some days, and some days, I get the grief for the sadness, or the anger or whatever. But it’s that place to really listen, as you’re saying, and I love how you’re speaking to not taking it as a robotic and rigid practice, but as that tool to learn the flexibility and mobility in your daily life, to be present to what’s happening and respond, and listen to how you’re talking yourself in those moments, when you made a plan for something else.

Kerry Maiorca 20:03

Yeah.

Candice Wu 20:04

When your daughter comes in and says, “Can I sit with you?” And what happens right in that moment, and what’s needed and honoring that, and it’s so interesting how we have segmented that from daily life, like yoga as a separate thing.

Kerry Maiorca 20:23

Yeah.

Candice Wu 20:24

And it’s not.

Kerry Maiorca 20:24

I love that, I love what you said about, it’s about flexibility and mobility in daily life. I think that’s so true, and you can see the class or the practice at home as the workshopping, you know, you’re developing strength, flexibility in your body, and hopefully, it comes with you. After you roll up the mat…

Candice Wu 20:46

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 20:47

…because life is not perfect, and there’s this feeling, I think that there has been this thought kind of running through my head, especially with kids, but you know, whether or not you have kids, everyone has busyness, or has can have busyness in their life, and there can be these times where you sort of tell yourself these stories, like when I’m not so busy, I’ll be more present, or I’ll be more patient or when I’m, you know, when this big project ends, that’s when I’m going to really recharge and take time for myself. And I, my mission is to empower other people and myself, continually remind myself that we don’t need to wait until things get perfect to find greater peace and well being and that we must prioritize that even in the busiest, most demanding stressful times because otherwise, what’s the point? You know, otherwise, it is just like you said, it’s such a separate thing.

Kerry Maiorca 21:43

And what I like about yoga is it’s not, it doesn’t feel separate to me. It feels so integrated because, you know, it’s a reminder, just, why not just take a deep breath now? And why not just when you’re tired in the afternoon, you lie down for 10 minutes and see, you know I think it’s just it’s so awesome. It’s such a great practical tool but like you said, it’s seen as this other thing that we do, and we’re wearing yoga clothes, you know, it’s like when we have a bunch of props and yoga clothes, and we’re like in a certain mindset, but it can be so much more than that.

Candice Wu 22:20

Absolutely. Well, and yoga in itself means union…

Kerry Maiorca 22:26

Yes.

Candice Wu 22:26

…and it is that integration of everything, not a separate practice, and I love how you’re saying this, we don’t need to wait until things get perfect to find greater peace and well being, and I definitely hear myself say at times, like when this week’s over, because it’s so busy,

Kerry Maiorca 22:48

Yeah.

Candice Wu 22:48

I’ll do the X, Y&Z or when this ends or when I’m not so busy, and now I’m just hearing that as you say it, just giving myself the cue that that is my signal, that I need to look at, “How did I get here to begin with, and let’s take that breath.”

Kerry Maiorca 23:06

Because it happens. That’s one part of the practice first. Yeah.

Candice Wu 23:09

Right. It already like I got here, I likely created that.

Candice Wu 23:16

Not to blame, you know, not to shame or blame or criticize ourselves. But yeah, I was just reading one of your articles about fear being your CEO, really not letting fear be your CEO, and it’s probably the times I let fear be my CEO that I got there to begin with, where I may be overloaded again, but to take the breath and just come out of it, the moment.

Kerry Maiorca 23:44

Yeah, and you’re so right, it’s totally not about blaming in any way. It’s, that’s not the point, because actually, the only way you can ever make a change is if you are aware of it, and that was sort of an interesting thing for me in my when I first came to yoga, you know, when we first practiced meditation, even in very small doses, I found it to be torturous, because the way my mind was working at that time was, as if was a scary place to be, because I just was like, I was just yelling at myself, I was just berating myself mentally, and you know, from the outside, you wouldn’t have known that and I’ve always been a very positive, upbeat, you know, kind of can-do person, but once I got quiet enough, then I was realizing, “Oh, my gosh, I am not nice to myself, mentally.”

Kerry Maiorca 24:35

And so, I think that when you do realize something like that, like, “Oh, man, how did I let busyness take over?” And I’ve really tried to remove the phrase, when someone asks me how I am, I really try hard not to ask, not to answer it by saying I’m busy, crazy busy, so busy, because it does something to me, it activates me in a way that is I don’t want to buy into.

Candice Wu 24:59

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 24:59

However, there are times when I look at my schedule and my life, and I think, “If I could go back and do this again, I would do it differently.” I’d structure you know, take this piece out or space out these big events, but, being able to say that even when you’re in the moment, you’re feeling the stress, you’re really feeling like, “Wow, that was not a decision I would make again,” that is powerful, and that is progress because at a certain point in your life, you had that same scenario and didn’t even see it, and so that’s what I like to think about whenever I’m having a moment where I’m feeling frustrated with myself and thinking, “I wish I would have done that differently,” made a different choice. I think to myself, “Oh, good. I just noticed that.” And even if I can’t do anything to change it right now, I’ve just noticed, maybe next time, I’ll notice and then maybe I’ll take action, but maybe not. You know, it takes a lot of time of just noticing before you can ever take action. That’s been my experience.

Candice Wu 25:57

Absolutely.

Kerry Maiorca 25:59

And I think that the other thing about that, what is the action, by tendency, I’ll speak for myself only. My tendency is one of extremes, and so I am great at being 100% on and just going pushing, you know, I can just go, I can do it, and then off, like off sleeping, you know, that’s really good and easy for, you know, that’s like great on and off is great. It’s the in-between. That’s hard, and so, I think when we think about us getting to this place where we’re super stressed, we’re feeling more like that hundred percent, and it’s not sustainable, it doesn’t feel positive. When we think about well, “What could I do to counteract that or help myself get back to a feeling of normalcy or feeling, you know, rested and nurtured?” The tendency is I need, you know, an hour and a half yoga class or I need an hour-long massage, I need a weekend away, or I need, you know, it can see me like the fix to that is something big, but what I have found, and what I’m trying to practice and teach is that the fixed can be small.

Kerry Maiorca 27:08

So, if I only have five minutes to breathe deeply, and to just calm myself down, that is really powerful, and if I do that on a more regular basis, I still need the longer thing, you know, I need the long restorative practice, I need time away from everyone to recharge, but, on a sort of day to day basis, you’re not going to have those opportunities, most of us, and so, what can you find? You can find small moments to breathe, or you can do a 15-minute restorative pose. That is magic. That’s like the thing I wish everyone would do. I tell my teachers so much like just set your timer, lie down, take a pose 15 minutes and see what happens. You’re a different person. It’s magic.

Candice Wu 27:56

Yeah, well, every time I do that, even for like two minutes, I’m a different person.

Kerry Maiorca 28:00

Oh, yeah.

Candice Wu 28:01

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 28:01

That’s right.

Candice Wu 28:03

Maybe even one or 30 seconds.

Kerry Maiorca 28:06

Or even a few, even three deep breaths. I mean, so, if I’m with my kids, and I’m feeling like I’m just up to my eyeballs in it, and I’m so struggling, I’m struggling to be kind and compassionate and patient, I will take even one breath, I’ll take a breath, exhale through my mouth and feel the tension releasing from my shoulders and my neck, soften my jaw, and then I sometimes not all the time have the presence of mine to say to them, “I’m sorry, I’ve been a little frustrated. I’m feeling tired. I didn’t get enough sleep, or I’m feeling a little bit stressed because I have this thing do later, and I was thinking about that.” And that’s amazing when I can do that, and some days I just plain can’t, but at least I took the breath.

Candice Wu 28:50

Absolutely. I love how encouraging you are to yourself now, and in even just noticing the thing that you’d like to change and encouraging yourself that you noticed it and that that’s a good thing. We don’t do that as a whole society. Like, “Oh, well, that should have changed years ago.”

Kerry Maiorca 29:11

Yes.

Candice Wu 29:12

So why didn’t, right?

Kerry Maiorca 29:14

Well, I do have some of that, too.

Candice Wu 29:16

Yeah. Don’t we all?

Kerry Maiorca 29:18

Yeah.

Candice Wu 29:19

Yeah. Well, I was curious, Kerry. What are you struggling with today? What do you tussling with, or what feels up in the air for you, of your learning?

Kerry Maiorca 29:33

I think that the thing I’m always struggling with is my relationship with time. I think that I am a person that fills up the space I’m in and fully, you know, fully loves and embodies what I’m in and doing, and I tend to want to put more into everything, you know, I’m a more person, I think it’s this, this struggle with more. I’m really trying to find enough, and to see, like, what would be enough to do today, in this time, I have? You know, like, in my own work life, I can set a list of, you know, five things I want to accomplish in a two-hour period and think that’s realistic. So, you know…

Candice Wu 30:26

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 30:27

….this evolution of what if I just did a little less, you know, so I think the reason I teach this stuff, is because I’m still working with it myself. It’s not I don’t teach it from a place of mastery, I teach it from a place of process and of this really strong conviction that there are lots of people who have the same struggle of more, and for those of us who are more people, the practice is, how can I do a little less and find enough. So, I think that that’s really where I am, and I see it in a lot of different aspects of my life. Just sort of my professional goals for myself, you know, with my writing or with, you know, projects, I’m taking on, that piece of it, I see it with what I want to try to do with my kids, I see it with my own, you know, personal practice and sort of self-care time, and it’s just always this balance. It’s like, what would be enough right now?

Candice Wu 31:32

I just take a really nice, deep breaths of that, how do I do a little lesson find enough? I struggle with that too, with time, and the most recent thing that happened for me, in my healing process about time, is that I found that it connected with my young self. Well, again, right, like layers and layers of working with. But here’s another piece, like my younger self, it came back to the same thing in a deeper way, that there was a feeling of wanting more time with my mother when I was younger, and there were certain circumstances of not, of perhaps me wanting more, than the time could give, but also certain circumstances where she had to be away and doing, and working. Certain occasions that when I was an infant, and then into young life, and I could just connect with that part of me that it was kind of life or death feeling that if I didn’t have enough time, it would just feel so terrible, and I needed more, I needed more, I needed more, and that just applied to the rest of my life blindly, you know, where I would just fill it with more, but it never really satisfied that.

Candice Wu 32:53

So, if filling my time with more was satisfying to the part of me that needed it, then it would have been complete…

Kerry Maiorca 33:01

Right.

Kerry Maiorca 33:09

Wow, that is so beautiful. I love that perspective, and I think, you know, thanks for sharing that. That’s, really profound, and I think that regardless of kind of that, whether that feeling is there as a child, or as you know, as an infant, there’s something that’s so universal in the part about kind of more love for yourself, too, you know, like, regardless of whether where that came from that’s, you know, I really love what you shared, I’m going to ponder that, and I know that what you said about giving yourself more just never does it, it just fills you with more stuff.

Candice Wu 34:21

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 34:21

Like it’s just more stuff, and sometimes, it just becomes even more distractions and more challenges, and more ways to take you away from your true self, and I love your choice of the word nourished, and that has become a really powerful word for me. Just in the last few months, I started working with my dear friend, Laura, and she’s, and now we’re business partners, and we kind of came together around this concept of what it means to be nourished because I was thinking about it, you know, sort of like the word bloom to me meant something really powerful. This word nourished, you know, it’s obviously it calls to mind food, and, you know, I tried to be conscious about what I feed and put in my body and my children, and my, you know, my husband, like, I love to cook, that’s one of my great passions, and I love to think about food as this really not just like kind of another should, and I should eat the healthy foods that this magazine told me to eat, you know, but rather to, again, tap into intuition, and to say like, “What would really nourish me, not just my physical self, but just sort of would feel like comfort and love?”

Kerry Maiorca 35:46

And so, there was that piece of that, and then to me that the what we were talking about with yoga, that is the other place that I felt like the self-care practices that have become so important to me. You know, I was doing a lot of the same stuff for many years, like yoga, massage, you know, running or hiking or biking or being in nature or taking a nap or like, you know, all these different, reading a book, all these different self-care type practices were in my life, but I realized it was with a very different mindset, and you can do, you can go do yoga or you know, go get a pedicure, or go for a hike, and you could do it in a way that’s kind of checked out, like there’s a way to do those self-care things, but to be a little bit mentally checked out, and they don’t have the same impact.

Kerry Maiorca 36:41

You know, it’s about how we do them, and so, this idea to me is how can we create a feeling of nourishing our whole self, so of course, with good healthy food, and then with whatever our movement practices for me, it’s gentle and restorative yoga, that’s in my end meditation, but then also, like, “Where are the other pieces of our life that helped to nourish us?” You know, it’s, to me, a connection with nature, and being, you know, being active, moving, you know, being strong, and then also bringing in this sense of creativity, like, do we have things that are just for pure joy, not work, I’m a person who can get all wrapped up in my work, and then my, you know, families like responsibilities, and then I find I just feel depleted.

Kerry Maiorca 37:29

So, when I go and take time, at night, after everyone’s in bed, I’m done with everything, and I sit down at the piano, and I just play piano for a little bit or I write a poem, or I sit just in front of the fireplace with tea, and I just not for long, it doesn’t have to be an hour. It can be 20 minutes, you know, it can be five minutes if that’s all I have, but when I bring these nourishing practices in, and I think about them from a different perspective, where it’s not about, well, I should really get my hike in, or I should really get my yoga in. It feels really different, and you give yourself permission to trust that what you choose to do is going to be enough.

Kerry Maiorca 38:11

You know, I think a lot of times, there’s a lot wrapped up in why we do these things, like why we practice yoga or do exercise or eat healthfully. A lot of times it comes from this kind of self-bullying, self-shaming place of like, well, if I don’t, maybe my body will change in a way I don’t like, and you know, I have been there, I’ve been through a lot of struggles with that, body image and unhealthy disordered eating, and like plenty of things, you know, in my early 20s was a major struggle, and this mindset shift is what enables you to love yourself and to trust that loving and nourishing yourself, your whole self. That is always a good move. You’ll never gonna regret that decision.

Candice Wu 39:04

I love that. Loving your whole self is always a good move.

Kerry Maiorca 39:34

Hmmm.

Kerry Maiorca 39:39

Exactly. It’s like a punishment reward mentality, and it’s this threat or worry or yes, and it’s so you don’t you can’t even recognize it as that until you really dive in and see it. You know, because of course, we know, we only get one body, so, you want to make sure you keep it healthy. But I think that it’s really about trust. You know, it’s about trusting that you know better than whatever the latest thing has come out in any diet or exercise magazine. Like, there’s just those things change all the time, because they’re selling magazines. Experts are selling books, like, you know, I think it’s a great idea to not put your sort of spiritual development or sort of the whole self-development in the hands of someone who’s trying to sell you something, because…

Candice Wu 40:28

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 40:29

…..you know better.

Candice Wu 40:32

Absolutely. I tried to ignore a lot of things and a lot of input now because, oh, it’s just so much.

Kerry Maiorca 40:40

Yeah.

Candice Wu 40:42

And it clouds my ability to hear myself.

Kerry Maiorca 40:46

Yes.

Candice Wu 40:46

I think that protection from what’s just being told to us and fed to us is really important, so we can hear ourselves.

Kerry Maiorca 40:56

Mm-hmm.

Candice Wu 40:57

Yeah, thank you for that reminder. We can trust what we know inside, and we know better than what someone else might say to us, or encourage us even sometimes, it’s not always the right thing, but we need to listen to ourselves.

Kerry Maiorca 41:16

Yeah, and it’s also like what you see, when you look around, and you know, those around you, you might feel you’re trying to keep up and kind of match what someone else is doing, and you know, as a person who’s the competitive athlete, I have a strong competitive drive, and so for me, just like what you’re saying, I really have been. It’s a practice of, you know, withdrawal of the senses. It’s this take coming away from all the input, advice, you know, the sort of keeping up with the, you know, this and this or that friend, or this or that person to say, what’s really happening right now, and to know that, when you tune into that, you are taking care of yourself in the best possible way, and yeah, that’s all. That’s really that’s what you need.

Candice Wu 42:04

Yeah. So, tell me more about your nourish life retreat that you spoke of with Laura.

Kerry Maiorca 42:12

yes, well, I am so excited about this. So, Laura is a culinary nutritionist. She’s the founder of golden root nutrition and she does, I’ve been so honored and privileged to be able to eat her amazing food. So, she really creates and brings this beautiful balance of food that is whole and healthy, and it’s simple but it’s delicious, and she teaches other people how to do that, and I have learned so much from her myself, you know, just even like how to approach this topic that can seem very overwhelming, you know, if you’re trying to eat healthfully for yourself, or if you are responsible for cooking for others, there’s so much input and advice, and it’s overwhelming.

Kerry Maiorca 43:02

So, the retreat is going to consist of me leading some gentle and restorative yoga practices a couple of times, and Laura will be teaching culinary nutrition classes, and then we’ll be eating the delicious food we make. And then, we also will be in Aspen, Colorado, which is a gorgeous place, a really, a place of great wild beauty, and we’re going in September, which is an incredible time to be there because trees are all changing colors, the weather is just delightful, and I think a lot of times two people have an image of what Aspen is, and there is this other side of Aspen that’s kind of there with the sort of glamorous side, but our retreat, we’re staying at a family-owned in right in town, and it’s just so warm and beautiful, and we’re really going to be trying to create this place where it’s, you bring your real self, your very real, imperfect, perfect self, and we come together for sometimes of yoga.

Kerry Maiorca 44:10

There’s going to be some option to explore meditation every day, and then we’ll have these classes where you can just think like, “What could I do with my, the way I nourish myself with food that could just make me feel more energized?” Laura has this class eating for awesome energy, you know, how could I see the way my food could just contribute to my well being, and be delicious and enjoyable, and wonderful, and then we’ll also have time to do some connection with nature. So, we’ll have a, there’s this beautiful riverfront path, and a John Denver sanctuary, which I’m a huge John Denver fan, this is beautiful place where you can go and kind of look at his lyrics and to sort of reflect on in nature, in this beautiful place, his legacy, and then we’ll also be going to the top of Aspen mountain and enjoying a hike there and just a moderate hike, nothing intense, but really more about the practice of being in nature and being quiet in nature.

Kerry Maiorca 45:18

And then the last component of it is, we’re going to have a creativity night. So, I am, I just was writing this piece, it’s going to come out in my next newsletter, it’s called, “Where is the joy?” And it’s about this rut, I started to find myself and where I was kind of going through my everyday life, and just, you know, doing all the things I had to do even doing my self-care practices, you know, I’m vigilant, like I have to get that in, it’s very important to my mental well-being as well as my physical, so, I don’t miss it. But it was like, okay, my self-care practices of yoga, meditation and, you know, exercise or hiking, and you know, doing my family obligation things, you know, getting my kids to where they need to go being preparing, you know, doing all the things around the house.

Kerry Maiorca 46:08

And then you know, doing my work, I actually work for the yoga studio, for my own new writing ventures, for the retreat, and then you know, the end of the date comes and it was just like, “Wow, that’s it. That’s all I got left.” And I started to feel the sense of, you know, you go through the day, do you feel like you’re doing your day? You know, do you feel like you’re just sort of checking everything off the list? And is there any room for joy? Is there any room for things that have no purpose, but to nourish you and help you feel more alive? And so we’ll have this one night, just an hour, where we will gather by the fireplace, and you’ll be invited to bring, a craft, if you have one or journal if you like to doodle or write or that kind of thing, or will have a very special creative activity that will do, will provide it, and it’s just going to be a very small little time to be kind of quiet, and to focus on doing something that, again, doesn’t have a purpose. It’s not about making an amazing work of art. It’s just about tapping into how creativity nourishes you. So, I’m just so excited. I am like over the moon excited about it, and Laura’s amazing. I’m so honored to work with her and yeah, just I can’t wait.

Candice Wu 47:30

I love that. I love this, and I can feel your excitement, and just reading the details, as well, and hearing you speak about it now, especially this creativity night. I love the aspect of doing that together.

Kerry Maiorca 47:50

Mm-hmm.

Candice Wu 47:51

And it sounds like the space is open, that it’s an individual or group, you know, with other people kind of experience, but just being together with that intention of creativity sounds really lovely, and that joy without a purpose. It’s so important in our lives, and for me, it was life-changing to bring in joy without a purpose.

Kerry Maiorca 48:17

Yes.

Candice Wu 48:17

It was like, “Wait, I can actually do that.” Right?

Kerry Maiorca 48:21

I don’t have to be. Yeah like, don’t wait for someone to tell you to do it. You know, when we’re kids, it’s so easy. It’s so easy to just choose things that are just joyful, and you know, like, what are you doing it for know, just for fun, and as adults, like, we don’t need to wait until someone says. Just go have fun or just do this thing because it’s enjoyable. It’s that we need to advocate for ourselves to do that.

Candice Wu 48:48

We do. We do. So, how can people join the retreat or get more information? Where can people find it?

Kerry Maiorca 48:58

We have our website at getnourished.life, and we have all the information about the retreat there, and we’re keeping it very small, we’re only having 12 spots. So, get to it, if there’s interest.

Candice Wu 49:16

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 49:17

Yeah, that’s where you can learn more and then can register, and I also just wanted to share about it, I’ve had the experience with retreats myself, this kind of like, abrupt shift from my perfect retreat self to my imperfect daily life self. You know, for me, going away from my family, being in control of my time not having work to do, and eating healthy, delicious food and like, you know, doing yoga and meditation, all these things that can feel like for those few days, I’m like perfect. You know, my idealized self, and I was going to Laura and I have been talking about this a lot about how we really want you to feel like when you’re on this retreat, you are your regular whole self with all of your pieces. You know, it’s about being real, and it’s about whatever is going on in your life is still there, and that’s okay, and you can still engage in these practices in a way that just feels manageable.

Kerry Maiorca 50:21

So, we’re not doing, you know, six hours of yoga a day, and we’re not doing you know, a three-hour-long, intense hike. It’s like we’re doing little mini doses of everything, and then we’re giving you practical tools so that when you go back to your daily life, our hope is you just will bring in, just a tiny bit, like a little bit of something. And so, when people feel called to kind of escape, you know, we’re really trying to make this retreat, not an escape. You know, it’s about being in your life, but just trying to bring in to invoke some different ways of being with yourself. So, we’re thinking about it as this just a part of your life that is this sort of like recharge, want to recharge the batteries, so you can go back to your real life, and let some of that nourished spirit infuse your day.

Candice Wu 51:15

Oh, I feel that very much. It’s like not this getaway escape from reality. It’s, let’s incorporate and let’s weave in, and also not make this an experience that’s undigestible, but one that’s simple.

Kerry Maiorca 51:30

Right.

Candice Wu 51:31

And reminds you of the simplicity being enough, and that you can just bring one little thing into your life and see what it does.

Kerry Maiorca 51:40

Yes.

Candice Wu 51:41

Beautiful.

Kerry Maiorca 51:43

Thank you.

Candice Wu 51:43

Thank you. I’m so excited for you, and everyone that’s gonna be on the retreat, and I also, I want to hear about your mentorship for yoga teachers.

Kerry Maiorca 51:54

Oh, thank you. Yes, I am so excited about this. I’ve been training teachers since 2011, and I love working with teachers, whether they’re brand new or now I also lead a gentle yoga teacher training, and so that’s for established teachers and helping them really explore this approach I’m talking about, this gentle, softer approach. So, I’ve been doing that for many years, and this winter, I just launched my very first online mentorship program for teachers of any level of experience, and we just wrapped up our first session, and it’s a combination of a monthly over four months, a monthly video conversation around a particular topic, and then I send out a follow up that kind of talks about what we, about the key points. It also includes a 30-minute mentorship call with me directly one-on-one, which I’ve so enjoyed those conversations, they’ve been so rich.

Kerry Maiorca 53:00

I just really like this. It’s, I kind of one of my mentors or mentees who was just in the program said, “This is like grad school for yoga teachers.” And I was like, “I love that!”

Candice Wu 53:10

Oh, cool!

Kerry Maiorca 53:11

I surveyed a bunch of my past trainees before, starting to see that, “What are the topics that you most need?” Like, what do you most need a refresher on and sort of more support, both from me and from the fellow people in the teacher circle mentorship group, and so, I kind of picked those topics and group them in ways that felt logical and reasonable, but so much of it is to me really about being intentional and mindful about what are you doing in your teaching and why, and then even more important, how is your practice, because all of us as teachers, the further along you go, you know, it’s common for people to lose sight of the importance of their practice, and to let their teacher self overtake their practitioner self, and you’ve got to be a practitioner first.

Kerry Maiorca 54:06

And so, the mentorship group is really about all of those things, and we have like a Google group that we sort of I offer, little sort of tips or reminders throughout the month between calls, and then others share and oh my gosh, are the people who are in this group, they are so wise. I mean, I just, I love it. So, it has been a total delight, and I’m going to run another one, starting September through December. So, I’ll be opening that up soon for registration, but I just love it. I love working with teachers to refine.

Candice Wu 54:41

That’s so great. Yeah, and you have so much wisdom to share, especially that part where you talked about teaching from your process, and from process rather than mastery. I just imagine that helps so many people because we’re all in process. We’re not done.

Kerry Maiorca 55:02

Yup.

Candice Wu 55:02

And that’s exactly whole and right…

Kerry Maiorca 55:06

Yeah.

Candice Wu 55:06

….right now. So, I just, I appreciate the space you’re creating, and so glad that you’re doing this.

Kerry Maiorca 55:15

Thank you, Candice.

Candice Wu 55:17

Well, and there’s one more bit that I’m so excited for the podcast is that you’re offering an experience for people to join into. This will be an extension of this episode, and this episode is going to be found at CandiceWu.com/kerry, KERRY, and so, you’re offering an experience or meditation or some sort of guided practice. Do you want to say more about it now or do you want to leave it as a surprise as it comes out?

Kerry Maiorca 55:51

I think I’d like to leave it as a surprise.

Candice Wu 55:54

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 55:55

As an exploration.

Candice Wu 55:56

That’s delightful. Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 55:59

I love that you offer these. I love love love that you offer these, I think it’s just a great way. I think so much of this type of work can seem really just inaccessible or just sort of mystical or too out there, and like when you offer these experiential, you’re taking, I’ve listened to many of the ones that you’ve offered, I just think they’re lovely, and like then you take these ideas and concepts, and you immediately make them felt and embodied just like the name of your podcast. So, I really love that you do that, and I’m so excited to share. I can’t wait.

Candice Wu 56:35

Thank you. Thank you. I’m so excited to experience yours, I know that exactly. It’s like we talk about these concepts in our minds, and that is the way we can communicate across audio, across. Yeah, distance and time, and yet the real thing, the real practice itself is the being in it. So, I can’t wait to hear that and experience that with you. Is there anything else you want to share today?

Kerry Maiorca 57:06

I would like to thank you for having me and to thank you for your friendship and for all of the really amazing explorations that we’ve had together over the years. I just think I’m inspired by the work you do, and the way that you do it in a way that isn’t rigid or about kind of perfecting one thing and then delivering it again, that sort of robotic nature, but how, when I talk with you, I feel more inspired to be more fully who I am, and I love that about you, and so, I’m very grateful to you for inviting me to have this conversation in this way, and I look forward to our continued conversations and friendships, and to all the different ways that we’re going to keep learning more about ourselves, and that you know, and then hopefully, in the process, just inspire more people to do that and love themselves more.

Candice Wu 58:13

Thank you so much. That’s really touching, Kerry, and I have so appreciated our friendship and our companionship, and every time I talk to you, and we exchange our personal lives and what’s going on and just what we’re thinking about, I walk away with this feeling of, “Wow, Kerry notices one simple thing,” and that just makes such a huge difference to me, and then it gives me that feeling of noticing more of the little things in my life and recognizing how important those are and how that’s enough. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Kerry Maiorca 58:56

Thank you, Candice.

Candice Wu 58:57

I really appreciate you.

Kerry Maiorca 58:59

And I appreciate you, too, and your wonderful Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 59:04

Thank you, and I do have one more question if it’s okay?

Kerry Maiorca 59:09

Yeah, of course.

Candice Wu 59:10

I would love for you to talk about how first graders are better at meditating than we are. I loved that article.

Kerry Maiorca 59:20

Did you like that?

Candice Wu 59:20

I did, It was so, like, delightful, and I just would love for you to share it with everyone listening today, if they haven’t read this or this now.

Kerry Maiorca 59:31

Oh, that was so much fun. I, so, when my daughter, my middle daughter was in first grade, I was invited to come to the class and, you know, share some yoga with the kids, and I did this, I’ve done this with, you know, all of my kids where I’ve gone to their school and just taught a little yoga until they got too embarrassed to have me come.

Kerry Maiorca 59:54

My son’s in seventh grade now, that is not cool now. But I will say my kids do sometimes grab our yoga pretzels partner deck and do partner Yoga together, and that makes me so happy. But back then, I was invited to come to her class, and I’ve been teaching them yoga and all these wonderful kind of kids’ yoga adaptations and techniques. But when I found the love the most was the relaxation at the end, and I would always do a guided visualization that just helped them relax and seeing their little faces like it was magic. And so, I thought, well, you know, why shouldn’t I just give them more of that if that’s what they want, and so, I decided I was going to also teach them meditation, and I was like, all right, this seems a little intimidating, you know, how are they going to do? Everyone associates first graders have been really wiggly and high energy, and they are.

Kerry Maiorca 1:00:51

So, we went out, and we were really fortunate to be able to do this in the garden. So, we went out to the garden at our school, and I said to them, you know, “Okay, so we’re going to do our yoga, and then at the end, let’s try some meditation.” And I had a bunch of kids just shoot their hands up into the air, like, I know about meditation, cross their legs, put their hands into a mudra, close their eyes, and then go all like really peaceful and serene, just like they owned it like they’ve been doing it forever.

Candice Wu 1:01:19

Oh.

Kerry Maiorca 1:01:19

And they were like, I’m so good at meditation. I do meditate. They were so excited about it, and so that just kind of tickled me a little and I thought, “Okay, well, let’s see how it goes.” When we got there, to that part of the practice, they all took their seats and he got quiet, and you know, these very wiggly bodies really became still. And, you know, I don’t know what was happening for them in their head. I don’t know how much the stuck with them or didn’t, but the reason I wrote that piece why first graders are better at meditation than you are is because they were 100% unintimidated to just try it, and they completely put themselves in it, for how many minutes 2 3 5 minutes that we did it. They just like embodied meditation, and without any, you know, any other sort of inner voice telling them that they’re not doing it right, they don’t know enough, is this really meditation, and that’s been my experience as an adult until, you know, up until the last, like 10 years of my practice. So, halfway through.

Kerry Maiorca 1:02:22

My experience of being a practitioner, was when I finally got comfortable with meditation, I just never felt like I could really do it, until finally one day, one teacher gave me permission, and she said, “You can’t do this wrong.” And I realized, like, “Oh, okay,” and that the kids really got. They weren’t worried about whether they were doing it, right. They just did it, and so, that’s what I would love for anyone who’s even curious if the word meditation is intimidating to you. Use mindfulness, use quiet, use stillness, like whatever word works, but I just think that if we could, even for two minutes or three minutes, five minutes, just sit or lie down. Be quiet, maybe close the eyes if that feels safe, but just take some time to go in. We would feel a change in a shift if we did it on a regular basis, and that’s what I just loved about those first graders. They had moxy man, they weren’t worried about me telling them if they’re doing it right. They just did it, and they were awesome.

Candice Wu 1:03:25

They were telling you how to do it. Like, this is what it is.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:27

I know, they really were. They really were.

Candice Wu 1:03:32

And just you can’t do this wrong.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:34

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:03:37

That’s a great place to leave, and close our podcast today. Thank you so much, Kerry. Can’t do this wrong.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:45

Let’s all go out into our day with that. Thank you so much, Candice, this has been such a pleasure.

Candice Wu 1:03:50

Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:03:55

Thank you so much for tuning in today and joining us. I just got so many little nuggets of information and insight that can just help me feel into a more easeful space, the softening and simplicity, tuning into how first graders can be with their exuberance and joyful delight, playfulness, trust and just doing enough. Thanks so much, Kerry for sharing all these pieces of wisdom and doing this in your daily life, not in a perfect way but as a practice, and showing us that it can be messy, it can be in process, and we can continue to love and know ourselves more deeply each step of the way.

Candice Wu 1:04:49

I encourage you to check out Kerry’s work at KerryMaiorca.com and link to the show notes of this episode at CandiceWu.com/kerry, and Kerry is spelled KERRY. Be sure to check out carries meditation that just takes you exactly where you are, with your messy or imperfect perfect life. Just taking five minutes of your day to be with what is here and to tune into yourself. You don’t have to wait to have a perfect life or the perfect setup to do meditation. This simple guided meditation welcomes you just as you are right now, harnessing your distractions and to do is to create a more spacious and easeful you.

Candice Wu 1:05:33

Kerry’s meditation can be found later this week on the podcast or at CandiceWu.com/kerry, KERRY. If you’d like to check out other healing experientially or guided meditations, and topics and guests on the podcast, you can go to CandiceWu.com/podcast, and when you click on each episode, you’ll find that there are healing experiences that are connected with either the guests episode or the main topic of the week, not every week has experientials, but also you can check out the list of podcasts and you’ll find all the experientials there. If you’d like to stay in touch about future retreats, workshops, or receive self-love notes, and also the podcast information, you can sign up for the Embody Community at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:06:27

I’m so grateful to have you here and listening, and I always love to hear feedback, whether that’s criticism or questions, ways that the podcast touched you or connects with you, and I’ll just leave you with that feeling of simplicity and doing enough that Kerry so inspired today.

Candice Wu 1:06:46

So, as we close today, I invite you to take a few of those deep breaths and feel into any bit of slowness or slower pace at your body can access now.

Candice Wu 1:07:01

Thanks so much and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

Candice Wu 0:00

Do you feel like you have no time for meditation or it’s just too hard to sit down?

Kerry Maiorca’s meditation here just takes about five minutes and you can start anytime, you don’t have to wait.

This simple guided meditation welcomes you just as you are right now, in your imperfect perfect life.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Kerry on the Podcast

Kerry was on the podcast this week, where we talked about the struggle with more and being a more person, feeling enough, and living a simple life, being enough as well as trusting that you know your truth, and giving yourself permission that you can’t do life wrong. You can find her full podcast episode at CandiceWu.com/kerry. That’s KERRY.

And now, it’s a pleasure to introduce Kerry Maiorca of Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago, offering this beautiful meditation that just embraces this moment as it is. Here’s Kerry.

Begin with Kerry

Kerry Maiorca 1:41

Welcome, and thanks for joining me for this experiential.

I’d like to invite you to begin by asking yourself two simple questions.

First, are you willing to carve out the next five minutes or so, just for you?

And second, do you believe that five minutes is enough to make a difference? I certainly do, but don’t expect you to take my word for it. So, let’s try it.

I invite you to practice with me today, a meditation that I like to call, “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

This meditation doesn’t assume that you’re perfect or serene, in fact, it requires and depends on the fact that there are upsets, disruptions in your mind and life.

So, first, find a comfortable place to either sit, lie down or stand, and then with your eyes open, but just soft, look around you.

Whether you’re in your kitchen, in your office, hopefully not behind the wheel of a car. If you are, wait till later. Just look around and see.

Take in, observe.

Notice the colors, notice the shapes, the objects and just notice any thoughts that are sparked by seeing your everyday surroundings.

Then, if it’s comfortable for you, I invite you to close your eyes.

If not take a very soft and more introspective gaze, and then begin to notice the state of your thoughts, where your mind is at this moment, without trying to do anything at all to change it, and without judging.

Just take a few deeper, slower breaths to tune into your mind state. The pace and rhythm of the thoughts, and the thoughts themselves if you slow in-breath, and out-breath to observe.

Notice and Join

And then, notice if there are any prominent themes that keep coming back in your thoughts or notice if there is an energetic state that you’re observing in yourself, rather than trying to change or deny or pretend it’s different.

I invite you to practice joining, making friends with what currently is. For example, if you’re feeling rushed, you’re multitasking, thinking about all the things on your to-do list, I invite you to practice now. Honoring that and stepping back from it.

You can do this by taking a deep breath in and welcoming in the state you wish to create, and a slow breath out, acknowledging what you wish to let go of. For example, you could inhale spaciousness and ease, and exhale, business.

I invite you to think if there are one or two words that might represent what you wish to welcome in in this moment, and one or two words that you’d wish to let go of, and just practice very simply inhaling to welcome in and exhaling to release.

Remember, it’s totally normal for the thoughts to push their way forward, for your to-dos to keep coming back.

I invite you not to resist that, but to just know that you can do that later.

Now, is the time for you, just a few more breaths playing with this, welcoming in and letting go.

Closing

Now, slowly bring your attention back to your breathing, and it’s normal everyday state, just watching.

Observe the state of your mind and thoughts how you’re feeling, and then if the eyes are closed, I invite you to let them just gently blink back open.

Again, softly taking in the room around you, taking in your internal state and observing how it felt to take just a few minutes to slow down, to get a little quiet and to connect with your breath.

I invite you to use this tool anytime you wish in your normal, everyday imperfect perfect life. Thank you for practicing.

End

Candice Wu 8:29

I’m so glad you joined us today, with this meditation offered by Kerry Maiorca.

If you’d like to tune into more healing experientials or meditations, guided experiences by myself or my guests on the Embody Podcast, you can check it out at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Thanks so much for jumping in, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is a transmission of energy and medicine straight from Kremena Yordanova and her ancestors. Here, she talks about doing things like you chose it, letting your life unfold and taking your sweet time and how she chose her own path in both corporate and yoga despite the pressures to be a full-time yoga teacher.

Candice Wu 0:22

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:36

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57

Before we jump into the episode today, I’d like to invite you to a very special workshop that’s happening on June 15, 2019, in Rochester Hills, Michigan. And the workshop is called Being in Beauty. And it’s a systemic and family constellation workshop along with somatic experiencing and self-forgiveness.

Candice Wu 1:21

And in this workshop will connect with what is beauty to you? Is it a deep sense of freedom and peace? Is it loving yourself and feeling like you are exactly who you are? Is it feeling intimacy and openness with loved ones or abundance and money in your life, in your career? Is it a sense of belonging or living the life you love, grace, flow, and harmony? Or feeling healthy and good in your own skin? Whatever your sense of beauty is, in this workshop will illuminate any hidden, unconscious dynamics that can be a challenge on your journey.

Candice Wu 2:00

What I found is that when we’re tangled up with previous soul or ancestral dynamics, or our personal historical traumas or overwhelming experiences, part of ourselves is still working that out, and our bodies take on this form and become the language of what’s happening at a deeper level. We end up with disease, with emotional imbalances, with pain or tension. And those are not the obstacle to ourselves, but the way. The obstacle is the way towards who we are, and what our soul wants us to know and learn so that we can give deep honoring and recognition to who we are.

Candice Wu 2:47

And so, the process of family or systemic constellations, and tuning into what the body is showing us allows us to acknowledge what is and what is underneath of those physical pain, those challenges with our bosses or the fighting that we might experience within us or in other relationships. And what unfolds is an organic healing and resolution of what was living itself through you and in your life, and frees you from that so you can be yourself in the ease that you are in the loving that you are, and the beauty that you desire in your life.

Candice Wu 3:27

So, if you want more information about this, you can find it at CandiceWu.com/bebeauty. And again, that’s on Saturday, June 15, in Rochester Hills, Michigan, and I would love for you to join even if you’re from out of town or if you’re local. Feel free to connect with me if you’d like to know more or have any questions.

Candice Wu 3:50

I’m really grateful to bring this lovely conversation with Kremena Yordanova here. She lives her passions in many worlds including yoga, entrepreneurship, and in the corporate world. And I’m inspired by how she looks at the subtleties of patterns in everyday life as ways to know herself and to support her yoga students.

Candice Wu 4:11

I loved in this episode where she talks about her ancestry and how she circled back to her Bulgarian roots and brings her retreats to Bulgaria, bringing the herbs and medicine of Bulgaria to people who are interested in learning about the country and the culture. Kremena fuses the philosophy of yoga with modern day life as the basis of her teachings. And her realistic, grounded and contemporary approach has made her a sought-after teacher in Amsterdam, with weekly practices in several studios, and at the W Hotel Amsterdam. So, without further ado, here is Kremena.

Candice Wu 4:52

So, it’s really a delight to have you here, Kremena, I really don’t know all that much about you, and I want to say your lovely work from what I’ve seen and heard from you. So, would you just begin by sharing with everyone here, who you are and what you’re doing in the world now?

Kremena Yordanova 5:13

First of all, thanks so much, Candice, for inviting me to really have a conversation around what is my passion and where I’m currently at. So, my name is Kremena, and I teach yoga classes, workshops, retreats, anything to do with yoga, really. And next to that I choose to maintain my full-time demanding job. What keeps me motivated and alive to be doing this work that I’m doing is the fact that you can do both without feeling guilty, that only one passion in life should be the guiding force behind everything you do.

Candice Wu 5:53

Oh, yeah, yeah, what is your full time work?

Kremena Yordanova 5:57

I, currently we hold a marketing activation, senior manager role within Reebok. And I have a team that I’m leading and I find that the vision for yoga gives me more opportunities to be connected with them in a more authentic way. I don’t see my team is people that work for me, we are creating things together, we just happen to be working together and putting good work out there. And I often hear them say, “You do realize where the most spiritual team”, or they’re making jokes like this just because sometimes I will align calendars with the moon and stuff like that, that they find amusing. But they deeply understand that yoga is a big part of who I am. And they never feel like it should be one or the other. We make space for both. But it’s a challenging and interesting job to do.

Candice Wu 7:06

That sounds fascinating. I love how you’ve brought your yoga itself to the world of the corporate, and I’ve heard you speak a little bit about that both and…

Kremena Yordanova 7:17

Totally.

Candice Wu 7:17

…at concept instead of one or the other. And how you’re bringing in your passions, making space for both. That’s something that I’ve had to really learn in my life as well. So, how did this come about for you with yoga and your passion for it and combining these worlds?

Kremena Yordanova 7:37

So, I found yoga quite late in my life, in a sense that I’ve never been one of those people that will be super into spirituality, or even any type of sports in any depth. But when I moved to the Netherlands, I fell in love with in the first Yoga class, in a sense that, I knew that this is my tribe, this is something that I kind of felt like I have unfinished business with something I didn’t even know, it’s within me. I am alive when I teach, and it’s kind of difficult to explain, you feel like you’re belonging, you feel like this is your purpose in life. And in the same time, it didn’t feel like it’s forceful, although it came quite late.

Kremena Yordanova 8:34

So, I moved to the Netherlands more than a decade ago. And I was very detached from…

Candice Wu 8:41

From Bulgaria.

Kremena Yordanova 8:43

…from Bulgaria, indeed, unwilling to live from Bulgaria, and I love coming back home. But recently, I can now proudly say that I find I’m set on being my home, which was been long, long journey. When I moved here, back into the days, I really didn’t feel like I belong. And yoga was the only thing that kept me grounded and kept me really being myself. Well, now I figured that I can be myself anywhere I go.

Kremena Yordanova 9:23

And transitioning from what I’ve learned on the mat, into the job I’m right now doing and any other thing I’ll be hopefully doing going forward is something that excites me, you have to be yourself, there is no one else and finding yoga and the path was inevitable for me. So, it seems now, but in the beginning was I will be just doing classes and start teaching, and people put this pressure on. “When are you going to be a full-time yoga teacher?” I think by default? I don’t understand. Have you experienced anything like that? Questions that puzzle you more than?

Kremena Yordanova 10:14

Never occurs, that it’s a thing, and it has to happen?

Candice Wu 10:21

Wait, what do you mean, it’s a thing it has done?

Kremena Yordanova 10:23

Well, people just assume that you would be liking to be doing just one of the things like, so, when are you branching out? When are you doing? And I feel the pressure of explaining that. It’s cost and choice that you can take every day, that you’re doing both, and you’re capable of doing both.

Candice Wu 10:46

I do, I do experience that I think it’s a and not specifically in that way, but I do experience this sort of questions from the outer world about my life, where the, it doesn’t matter apply. It’s like, it’s not a question for me. Like, for a time, I was feeling like I was just not wanting to make any plans in my life. And I was already traveling about a year and a half, and people were saying, “What’s next? Where’s the next place? What is your plan for the next year?” And I’m like, geez, I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. Except for I know, I have my clients or something. And it was like, I don’t want to make a plan. And but yeah, I’m sure I assume things, too, when I asked questions, but sometimes that sort of like dumbfounded feeling of, wait, what, that’s not what I think about for myself, I can relate to that.

Kremena Yordanova 11:42

But it’s funny how we all project our own realities, which is amazing. But what you do with that information is totally up to you. And there is always a saying when you go in you ask for guidance, you already know the answer by seeking the person’s opinion. Often when students come to me and they asked me questions that they already know what I will tell them. Like, just ask the next person because you know my answer, and it’s too easy.

Kremena Yordanova 12:22

Yeah, it’s fascinating. This is something that lately it’s been on my mind. When students approached me after class, and they think we all have all the answers, and the only answer I can give is that they already know. Their deeper healing happens within them, and their answers are within them. And this constant seeking of external validation, it’s part of avoiding sometimes the answers that we already know. So, it’s fascinating how it happens.

Candice Wu 13:02

Yeah, I have found myself doing that before and at times. And maybe this is similar, but kind of a twist to that. It’s like, I seek the person that I want that specific answer to reflect what’s in me already. And I won’t go to this other person that will reflect it.

Kremena Yordanova 13:25

And every now and then someone will surprise you with an answer that you were like, “I really didn’t see this coming.”

Candice Wu 13:33

Right!

Kremena Yordanova 13:33

And then those are the people you need to cherish the most around you because you’re like, “Oh, You surprise me with this answer of yours.”

Candice Wu 13:42

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 13:43

And it’s fascinating how small ideas and even little conversations can make you change your mind or reconfirm old belief.

Candice Wu 13:54

Mm-hmm.

Kremena Yordanova 13:55

And then it’s again up to you which path you want to follow. In my current situation, the question is always been, why would you continue doing both? Do you not see that you can maybe do a hundred percent in one and hundred percent in another? But it happens for me that it balances me out so much better when I have a demanding job. But then again, I have my deeper work. That is my passion. And that is something that moves me deeply. And I get to share it with more people.

Kremena Yordanova 14:34

So I really, lately, everyone, when they asked me how are you doing? My only answer is: “Too good.” And they’re reaction on my answer is, what is fascinating? Some people don’t believe me, and I feel like I have to explain myself more. And some people are just like, taking it as it is and use it in their answers. And they say, “I have to say it with your accent, too good.” And it has this thing going on now everyone answers that. And because you’re hanging out with Kremena too long now if you’re answering that way, so it’s a good feeling, too.

Candice Wu 15:23

Sweet, how sweet.

Kremena Yordanova 15:23

It’s a good feeling.

Candice Wu 15:23

Yeah. So, when you say that your deeper work is your passion and it moves you deeply, what about your deeper work or your inner work or yoga moves you right now?

Kremena Yordanova 15:39

So, recently, we’re exploring the options of allowing people space and time to do the deeper work. In classes, normally, we don’t have enough time to equip them or just give them ideas around health, self-healing, and finding what the patterns are that they’re working with. Often, we always say, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And in a limited one hour class, you might see only a glimpse of what’s going on in your life and in your mat. But what excites me most is when we provide a week-long retreat, where you’re detached from your daily routines, and you’re invited to explore what is really going on within you. What is it that desire some my attention, or you haven’t paid much attention just because you choose to distract yourself?

Kremena Yordanova 16:52

And the retreats are a big bulk of the work I’m doing right now that I learned a lot about myself. And it’s something that we do together with a group or just a few of my closest friends. But it’s something that allows me to find out more. And, again, that confidence that this really is what I meant to be doing. And the small “aha” moments when we get together and shared, it’s something that I cannot even put into words, you have to be there to know that oneness exists with a simple chanting of all or anything that we really do with this feeling of togetherness is very powerful, to me, at least.

Candice Wu 17:47

Absolutely, I find the same thing when I’m doing retreats, there’s that shared connection and going inward together.

Candice Wu 17:57

Totally.

Candice Wu 17:58

That you’re speaking of, “Yeah, that’s beautiful.” And that detachment from your daily life to give enough space, that sounds really lovely.

Kremena Yordanova 18:07

It’s so important when people lack the connection with nature, with themselves, it’s very easy to only live in your head. And you are capable of doing that. And it’s okay for a certain period of time. But if you don’t rest, and if you don’t replenish your soul, we really speak of those retreats is a sweet escape, and then replenishing our souls and getting some habits that allow us to stop, to pause, to feel instead of only think. And often we have these jobs that we love, and we attach ourselves. But they are demanding, and they’re demanding a lot of space in our heads, and not so much in our bodies. And small movements and taking rest is really crucial, I find in my own life.

Candice Wu 19:19

Same with me. Yeah. And my thought about all of this is that’s part of how you support people or encourage people to find the answers within themselves. You know, when you tell your students like the answers within. How else do you guide people to find the answers within?

Kremena Yordanova 19:42

We use sometimes just breath work. Often, we underestimate the power of just knowing that you can observe your own breath and patterns by simply hearing your own breathing. Often, when students come to my class, the first five minutes are everything, in a sense of maybe it’s the first time in today that you can truly feel your own inhales and exhales. And there is this moment where we always find what is it that really is the intention of the practice. I know many studios and teachers say it. But you need to also allow space for people to find it in their own words, we often will find tools like journaling after class where things come really out. And those are only tools that we can ask students to use if they want to.

Kremena Yordanova 20:50

But sometimes it’s just a sentence within a class that will resonate with someone. And I’m very appreciative when a student will come and say, this glass really clicked with me. And even if it’s one person within the 30 that attended, I feel like my job is done in a sense that I’ve channeled something that someone wanted to hear or was ready to hear because often yoga teachers, we see the same things. But then when the student is ready to hear it, for them is the “aha” moment.

Kremena Yordanova 21:32

And it’s beautiful, when you can see that it’s been something you were a little part of facilitating. And I like how my students often become good friends of mine. Because these conversations and anything else happens after yoga. We often say the coffee after yoga is the best part of it, because we get the chance to discuss things deeper, we get the chance to just really bounce ideas and stay in this community vibe that allows us to see what is really going on.

Candice Wu 22:16

Yeah, and everything’s open in your body and flowing. Sounds lovely.

Kremena Yordanova 22:23

It’s a beautiful practice when not forcing it on yourself, when you are truly there. I often find myself saying the same things in class, like, do it like you mean it like be there, even if it’s the most uncomfortable posture without hurting yourself, but feel the unpleasant sensations. In even in those at like you chose the posture because it’s always a choice to even not do the posture or avoid do it, or see how it resonates with you within all the unpleasantness and then there is always an openness after.

Candice Wu 23:09

Yeah, it’s such a powerful shift, and it’s subtle. Because I can think back to times, and sometimes even now, where I’m doing something, if whether it’s a pose or something else in my life, and I can feel like a victim to it. Like, I have to do this. But just to think or just to shift into the reality of, this is my choice. And feeling into that. And then also feeling the moment where I felt like a victim of it and acknowledging it. Where I didn’t feel the empowerment is a really interesting moment to. So, that’s a lovely reminder.

Kremena Yordanova 23:52

And it’s very funny how, if you haven’t learned the lesson, we always speak about those lessons, but happens again and again and again, until you kind of get the lesson. But sometimes it really feels like one universe I’ve dealt with this, or at least I thought I was and yeah, here we come again, not even seven months in the role, and again, the same pattern and you like, I’m appreciative of this. But then again, I thought I’ve learned.

Candice Wu 24:27

I know.

Kremena Yordanova 24:28

We haven’t. We just haven’t.

Candice Wu 24:30

I do know that. Yeah, what can you give us an example of at least maybe a recent experience you had of this where you felt like, “Oh, I thought I learned this lesson.” Like what something you’ve been receiving again.

Kremena Yordanova 24:48

For me, it’s always been something that undermines the value of what I’m putting out there. It’s been a reoccurring theme of mine for the past few years. And with different sorts of situations or expectations from others, I’ll find myself that I play small, for no reason, really, then just being in my comfort zone. While I constantly do things that seemingly stretch my limits and all those things. But deep down when you ask yourself, do you really get out of your comfort zone? Is? The question really hits you.

Kremena Yordanova 25:38

I’ve been wanting, for instance, to write this book. And it’s been there with only five chapters for the past five years, really. And every time I start speaking about it, there is always something that is like, should I really write it? Should I really post out there? And is this playing small? It’s this fear of, is it good enough? Is it not? So, it’s like, holding your back, and that’s one example.

Kremena Yordanova 26:13

But as I mentioned before, if you notice the pattern in other aspects of your life, undervaluing either the value you have or what you have to say, or either being meeting or in a private conversation with friends. Because often, we surround ourselves with the people that will allow us to grow. But we also choose it wisely, when we are afraid to do the next step, that we surround ourselves with the people that will keep it, keep us in the comfort zone.

Kremena Yordanova 26:56

So, this is something I’m dealing with now that I’m painfully aware of what are the next steps for some of the topics that bother me. And then again, there is this resistance or isn’t it nicer to play small because it’s comfortable. Yeah, but yeah, literally, this has been on my mind a lot.

Candice Wu 27:24

Yeah, I can relate to that a lot. And in many ways, I think though, sometimes for me, it’s important to let myself kind of retract and come to that comfort. And it’s funny because it almost comes from the same place of that fear, that I need to come back to comfort. One way it shows up for me is to, when I undervalue what I have to say, in the simplest way. I can try to make it sound so much bigger, like I can try to overachieve, even in what I’m saying, simply. So, like, the feeling that it has to be, I don’t know, bigger, or more important, more interesting than just simply saying what I wanted to say, or what is actually there. And so I just like, extra effort causes me to feel a little bit strange sometimes and to also be gentle when that contraction happens of, okay, just rest a bit here in the comfort

Kremena Yordanova 28:29

Absolutely, absolutely.

Candice Wu 28:31

Yeah, but writing a book as well, it’s interesting to hear that from you, too. I’ve been also feeling the same way about a couple of books that I’ve had ideas for, and also written some pieces for, they’ve just been sitting there for a long time. And I’m aware of them, I’m very aware of them. And they’re coming more alive now. And people are sending me their books, their personal written books, and it’s like, okay, I got the message.

Kremena Yordanova 29:05

But isn’t it also, for me the concept around committing to something, but giving it also space to come whenever you’re ready with it, it’s a big deal. I tend to not operate under the pressure of trying to prove something to other people, which is sometimes what I feel like I’ve committed to writing a book, five years ago, I was very determined, have the, like, I have the structure, I have all the things but then again, I convinced myself during the whole process that I have nothing new for importance to say. And it happened gradually that you start believing that actually this idea is not that great, and the other idea neither.

Kremena Yordanova 30:00

But you surround yourself with the people that will be either super pushy, to see you grow and to see you, “Please make the book, please make the book I would really enjoy reading it”, for instance, or you doing the absolute opposite, that you will be only surrounded with people that will be who you an author, really. And then back to the choice of who do you listen to. And right now I’m battling my gut feeling tells me this book is more than ready, just go ahead and finish it off. And‘’’

Candice Wu 30:41

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 30:42

…that feeling of, it’s almost there, it’s whole baked. Come on. It’s like, you just need to press publish. But then again, the little voice that tells you, “Oh no one will read it. It’s not that important. It’s not even written that good or, yeah, the self-sabotaging towards that we…

Candice Wu 31:04

Yeah. Well, the book-

Kremena Yordanova 31:06

We are winning for now.

Candice Wu 31:08

Right? Well, the process of this book, the process of publishing, is the lesson of self-love, to value yourself and find importance in your own story and words.

Kremena Yordanova 31:25

Beautifully said.

Candice Wu 31:27

Same. I mean, only because I know it myself.

Kremena Yordanova 31:31

Yeah, but we, this is yet a good thing about it. When people are going through similar emotions or actions, really, it does take courage and vulnerability to be, this is what I’m thinking, this is how I became quiet right now. With all the bad, the good, the ugly stuff that is happening. There is the fear of when people read what I have to say they might not like my classes, or they might not fully comprehend. What is it that I’m going through. But those stories, my gut feeling is that even if you write them just for your own healing process, and you put it out there, will be very, very revealing. And yet, that’s the scary part where you’re, “Do I still feel this way about this situation?” Because with each and every six months, my concept around it, the stories I’m telling about it, this totally changed. So, it’s never ending? And yeah…

Candice Wu 32:51

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 32:52

The thing to see.

Candice Wu 32:53

It has dawned on me that that could be a way to stop oneself from writing something, it’s like that continual editing. And this is like, this isn’t what I think now or feel now. But it was then and it was truthful to that it has something to offer. And now it’s going to-

Kremena Yordanova 33:12

It’s the same with podcasting, right? It’s like, sometimes you’ll be like, “Oh my god, I can’t believe I was thinking that or…

Candice Wu 33:20

Absolutely!

Kremena Yordanova 33:21

…how amazing that those feelings were what was really bothering me.”

Candice Wu 33:26

Yeah. And in my views on it, you know, just how I processed it or what I thought about it, or what I shared about it. And then six months later, I’m like, wow, I’m a different person already. So, it’s like a disclaimer for all the podcasts I’ve ever made. Yeah. Well, I’m really curious, Kremena, about your ancestry, and is it right, you grew up in Bulgaria? And then you have to the Netherlands? or How was your story?

Kremena Yordanova 33:58

Yeah, so, there was a little period of time where, from five to 10, we lived in Siberia, in Russia.

Candice Wu 34:07

Oh!

Kremena Yordanova 34:08

Yeah, from all places.

Candice Wu 34:11

Wow.

Kremena Yordanova 34:11

Sometimes, I like to consider myself as a sunny girl with a really positive vibe and growing up for five years in Siberia, it did put a mark on me in a sense of I was bullied when I was in school there, not in a very bad, bad way, nothing super dramatic. But you kind of noticed some patterns in you. When you go through adulthood. That, once being bullied, you have again the choice of “Do you bully other people? Or do you help them heal?” And I spend a lot of time, in the beginning, to be the bully in some occasions, not also extreme.

Kremena Yordanova 35:02

But noticing that growing up, it does shape you and it does make you who you are, with all the positive and negative lessons that you need to learn. We move back to Bulgaria when I was 10. And again, I had this feeling of not belonging and trying to re-integrate, not properly even speaking the language at the time, and stayed in Bulgaria to I was 22. And then before I moved to the Netherlands, there were few jobs abroad. And then I moved to the Netherlands and I’m here now for more than a decade. And only now I can say openly that it has people like home.

Kremena Yordanova 35:58

First, five years internet lens was hard for me. And it came from a place that I felt like I wasn’t welcome with every encounter I had here. The weather was not something that makes me drive. And it did affect me deeply when I didn’t know what’s wrong with me, that I’m feeling so depressed, really, that the lack of some can do that to you. So…

Candice Wu 36:32

Absolutely.

Kremena Yordanova 36:34

But it’s weird because I right now I know what to do with it the first few years here, I was going to every doctor you can think of asking for, maybe these maybes that, because you would just not feel right. And that’s when I found yoga, really, that…

Kremena Yordanova 36:55

Oh, wow.

Kremena Yordanova 36:56

…brought me back to the sense of, you’re okay in your body, there is nothing wrong with you. And I would even joke about nothing better than an early winter depression in August here because there is never sun, or at least to be the case, or I’ve seen it like that. And yeah, but now, I really feel grounded. And it took only a decade to think about it.

Candice Wu 37:32

I love that you said it, “It took only a decade.”

Kremena Yordanova 37:35

But there is also a very relative thing, it’s the space, and I took my sweet time. I really did. And maybe now that I’m saying home is Amsterdam, and I love it. And most of my friends that know me, they will be like, what you’ve always wanted to live away, like, what’s going on that yet, opinions and perceptions change when you choose how to see the situation. And now I happen to love Amsterdam and I happen to find my tribe and really be at ease without seeking escape, and always moving and looking for, like, the place you live determines you. You choose how you want to see it, but it took a long time to recognize that.

Candice Wu 38:33

Yeah, that’s really lovely. And I’m looking into the words, you said, “I took my sweet time.”

Kremena Yordanova 38:41

It was quite a long process, I mean, from not having any friends or because it’s hard as an adult to make friends or at least it’s not as easy. And when you come and you’re not with your friends, yours or with your family here, it can feel a little bit tougher, and you develop different skills. And only now I can say that I do have friends. And most of the good people I meet Yes, they’re around the yoga and the field of self-care and the field of really — development.

Kremena Yordanova 39:27

But I also have friends that come to my life from different areas, either business or my sister moved in with me five years ago, and I got the chance to hang out with youngsters, and half of my friends here now or a decade younger than me and the stories they talk about and the things that interest them are very different from what I would consider interests me. But it’s fascinating to have people that you can call and you could call them your crew, and you get to hang out for Easter. It’s the Easter weekend, and it’s just amazing. It’s just amazing.

Candice Wu 40:17

It’s beautiful. I’m so glad you found that and created that within you, and found yoga to create that home inside.

Kremena Yordanova 40:25

And that sweet time…

Candice Wu 40:26

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 40:27

….was worth the wait.

Candice Wu 40:29

Yeah. For when you said I took my sweet time at, it’s such a sweet way to describe how you experienced the length of time and I hear sometimes in myself and other people like, it’s taking too long, it’s taking too long. Is that how you reframed it, or is that how you feel about it, through it?

Kremena Yordanova 40:55

I used to be very much into the now-now-now and everything needs to happen fast. But I really learned that if you would like to have something that is worth staying, or that good things happen slowly. At least in my case, even with the yoga practice, you would know the 15th time you’re doing a chaturanga is not the same as the 1500th time. And that patience that we cultivate on the mat, if translates outside, it’s so rewarding, because some people might think within two years, I need to achieve these, that.

Kremena Yordanova 41:44

And I actually know it will come when it comes when I’m ready. And the only way you know you’re ready is when things come. And there is not the pressure of, achieve achieve achieve. And I think this happens a lot within Western society. I noticed a lot of my friends from even the United States or just here in Europe, there is this mentality of there is always a competition for something and back home in Bulgaria really is not the case. Or at least I haven’t noticed that life is not really a competition. And we all have different paths. And we always say like, if it takes me five years, it’s just that’s what it takes. If it takes me 10 years, it’s also that’s what it takes, and you only lost them or drive when you’re ready.

Kremena Yordanova 42:51

And yeah, I’ve never been a big fan of forcing things to become faster. Mainly because there is this knowledge of it will come when it has to come was the same reference to the book. If you know that you’re not sabotaging it, or stopping it for any other reason, it will be there eventually. So, I, on the path of competition or trying harder, or even call myself a more easygoing, more lazy style of even practicing. I don’t believe in hurting your body for proving yourself you can do a headstand, for instance, eventually to happen or not. But what is it that you learn throughout the process of going upside down? But yeah, it’s fascinating how time is just so, yeah.

Candice Wu 44:00

Beautiful.

Kremena Yordanova 44:01

It’s a weird concept that we only get the chance to attach what it means is like, know that everyone wants everything to be immediately done or fast, fast, fast. I like taking time to for certain things, to do them real slow, so that you really enjoy the process instead of going fast. And what’s the next big deal? What’s the next big project?

Candice Wu 44:34

Yeah, I’m really, really feeling that energy from you. And it’s really lovely. Thank you.

Kremena Yordanova 44:43

In the past, it might have been that it wasn’t coming across. But I believe from really, this is only from the yoga practice. I don’t see any other coalition because you know, you need to be practicing for quite some time to a posture comes together. Why it will be different in anything else you do. So, it’s so obvious sometimes that we forget. But practice makes perfect in a sense of: you’ve been there. You’ve done it. You can do it on top of it. And then it’s the next one.

Candice Wu 45:28

Hhm, yeah, absolutely. And I liked how you share it about that. It sounds like that some of this feeling into life this way is the way of Bulgarians or something you learned growing up?

Kremena Yordanova 45:44

Yeah.

Candice Wu 45:45

Is that right? Yeah, I’d love to hear a little bit more about what it felt like, growing up as Bulgarian and living in these different places, too, what that brings into your life, and what I find about myself is that when I’m traveling, I see myself more clearly in terms of my ancestry. When I’m in a different location, I can see my Chinese sides of me, or at least what I attached to being Chinese in some ways, and then the American side of me. So, just wondered how your experience was with that?

Kremena Yordanova 46:26

Yeah. Most of the times when people just see me, they can’t really place me, they would always play this game of where you from? They’re asking, I’ll be like, guess and it’s 30 minutes conversation going no-where, because when they see me they can’t patch. Yeah, it’s I love playing this game with Uber drivers, for instance, because it’s, according to me, my name is so obvious that I’m Bulgarian, that I should live no doubt, that it’s Eastern Europe.

Kremena Yordanova 47:03

But no, no, it’s, it’s just a small game. But seeing me and people not being able to place me or attach my origin immediately, is something that gives you space to really be who you want to be. And the deeply rooted Bulgarian rituals that we all do, or like for instance, the only reason people will know I’m Bulgarian is if they see my martariza, which was something we put as a symbol for health and wealth. And it’s red and white. In the beginning of March, we put it and either you know a Bulgarian that wishes you well and gives you that or your yourself are Bulgarian, so, when people meet me and see it, then they immediately make the connection.

Kremena Yordanova 48:08

But without that kind of it strips away and can’t please me. But my Bulgarian roots are it’s funny that we’re talking about it, because some of my friends mentioned that I forgot to speak my own language. So, they’re making a lot of jokes about the fact that I chose to communicate with them in English, because I’m becoming lazier, and challenged accepted. I’m trying to speak my own language. It’s not nice. It’s very confronting.

Kremena Yordanova 48:48

When I speak about finding home here, this doesn’t mean you forget your roots. But inevitably, you feel like you’re detached from what you knew before and how you even spoke. And right now, we have consciously chosen to have Bulgarian books around me and a lot of my friends are Bulgarians, and they will tease my accent, and they will make those funny jokes. But deep down, I always go back home for practice, and we hold retreats in Bulgaria yearly, and the upcoming one is even called Root to Rise. And for us the idea of finding your ground and finding really what is it that nourishes your soul, this, what will make you rise and what will make you really reach the heights you would like to achieve.

Kremena Yordanova 49:54

So, going back home is always a bit emotional. And it’s always best retreats happen there because the herb, the smells, the mountains we have, it’s just really powerful to for me as a teacher, to reconnect, so that I can give more of that deeper knowledge that maybe comes from the ancestors, maybe comes from the fact that it’s a very ancient nation we have in Bulgaria with lots of rituals that are dating, before Christianity and before anything else that was there, really. So, going back home is always emotional, in a sense that it’s just very, very enlightening to be back home, to go back to where it all started, at least for this specific life, if you believe in incarnation.

Kremena Yordanova 51:01

But yeah, traveling around, being proud of where you come from, and people not knowing much about my country also helps to give them the impression of a whole nation, really. We sometimes hold a lot of responsibility with that, because maybe bigger countries people know what to expect, or already have attached some judgments. When they meet Bulgarians, often we are not such a big country, we’re only 8 million. And I feel always like, I have the responsibility to explain a bit more. It’s a nice task to have. But it also comes with all the disappointment of: you’ve never heard where we are. It’s, again, that pattern of playing small.

Kremena Yordanova 51:59

I know my friends that come from countries that used to be empires, and it’s a different mentality, we speak in a joking way. But it’s always this idea of people coming from Empire, and people’s being submitted is a different mentality. And we had over 500 years of under the Ottoman Empire, and that marked generations to come. And we do carry it with us in a way we speak. Some expressions are profoundly grounded with pain and suffering, and it’s a bit of enough with the victimhood. But then again, it’s something that happened, we can’t erase 500 years of a history we have, and usually the Balkans, the whole Balkan area is a space where more history is created, that we can actually even comprehend what’s going on. But it’s always powerful to go back.

Candice Wu 53:14

Wow.

Kremena Yordanova 53:14

So it’s powerful. Yeah.

Candice Wu 53:16

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 53:17

I’m glad you asked me this question because often people say, “So, what can I expect when they come with you to Bulgaria?” And I really need to tell them that nature is amazing, people were welcoming. And there’s this deep wisdom that comes from, I wouldn’t like to call it only suffering. But when you have that history, you also create tools and singing is one or dancing. We have powerful ways to be together, and that is something that it’s not in all countries I visit, or the countries I’ve visited that have that are really much richer culturally than in comparison to the Netherlands, for instance.

Candice Wu 54:16

Yeah, I think you’re bringing up something so important and beautiful about the pain and suffering that a culture or a person can experience because it brings not only resilience, but all these different tools and ways supporting each other and oneself that also build the wholeness of the experience. Not just a flat experience of everything is kind of fine. But the whole spectrum of life with all of it. So, it’s really cool that you bring your retreats there. And there’s an evolution for you, too, in growth and in movement.

Kremena Yordanova 55:00

Each time we go back, we are so different. And each time we explore different aspects of who we really are, this time, we’re going to the mountains, and we’re going to be hiking, there will be a beautiful meditation session at the Rila Lakes, and lately has been known as a really good place for energy healing, and a lot of foreigners are going there. And I haven’t been yet. And this is like I’ve traveled the whole world or have been to some places, but yet, there is one thing I haven’t done yet in my own country, which is coming true, now this summer. But again, taking your sweet time.

Candice Wu 55:54

Yeah, take your sweet time to explore yourself and your own roots, which is where…

Kremena Yordanova 55:59

Going there when I feel ready for it.

Candice Wu 56:03

Yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 56:04

I think –

Candice Wu 56:04

You’re showing that in your life in the way that you’ve led your life and how you’re sharing that with other people now, in your retreats, that’s beautiful when is your retreat coming out?

Kremena Yordanova 56:16

The retreat is taking place 21st of June till 24th. So, it’s a little bit longer weekend. And it’s going to involve a lot of fun and picking up herbs and making our own sashes. And I find that ritual being really important to me. Because…

Candice Wu 56:41

Beautiful.

Kremena Yordanova 56:42

…those herbs you can find only in the mountains that we’re going for the hike. And the meditation itself is going to be held high up after we’ve done all the practice. And no retreat will be without our signature wine-tasting, we always say that, we created yoga food and wine with the sole purpose of making yoga and traveling, and exploring accessible in a sense that we’re not judgmental, if you would like to drink one glass of wine, we will allow you to do so, if you would prefer to have great produce instead, that’s also fine.

Kremena Yordanova 57:25

And yeah, that’s the next one on my calendar for this year. And hoping for the next year to go back to Cape Town and host 33 there that will be a little bit longer, with seven days retreat, where we’re going to explore deeper healing work with the Pranayama meditation, there will be hike as well, because apparently we like hiking, coming from the Netherlands where there is not even one mountain any chance we get, honestly.

Candice Wu 58:02

Like, you gotta get on that mountain.

Kremena Yordanova 58:05

It’s super friendly, because everyone is asking about the hiking part.

Candice Wu 58:09

Oh, interesting.

Kremena Yordanova 58:11

That’s January next year.

Candice Wu 58:13

Great, yeah.

Kremena Yordanova 58:15

It will be very pleased if any of the listeners would like to join us, and I’ll leave you a discount code of 10% for any of the upcoming retreats.

Candice Wu 58:29

Wonderful. That’s very exciting. How can people connect with you on that if they’re interested and receive that?

Kremena Yordanova 58:38

So, you can find me on Instagram. YorYoga. So, how you hear it YorYoga. Same with Facebook, and yeah, my email addresses are there. So, I posted a gallery explaining where the next retreats are. And if anyone is in Amsterdam, and would care to come and join a class of mine, you can just text me or find my schedule. I teach at Studio 191 and the Cosmos studio. And anyone that is in Amsterdam, and you would like to have some yoga with me, it’s more than welcome to join.

Candice Wu 59:26

That sounds great. Next time I’m there. I also would love to come –

Kremena Yordanova 59:30

Please do, please do join us.

Candice Wu 59:33

This has been lovely, Kremena, I really appreciate you and what you’re sharing and the deep richness of what you’re sharing. And all of the links that you mentioned, we’ll put that in the show notes. So, anyone who’s listening, just jump on to the website and find that information. And this full podcast is at CandiceWu.com/kremena. And is there anything else you want to share before we close today?

Kremena Yordanova 1:00:04

I really would like to just thank you and show deep gratitude for everything you guys do. I don’t take it lightly that I’ve been given the opportunity to share what I think today, how I feel today. And really, thank you for inviting me.

Candice Wu 1:00:24

Thank you so much. It’s been such an honor to have you and have just enjoyed every bit that you shared today. Thank you.

Kremena Yordanova 1:00:34

Thank you so much.

Candice Wu 1:00:37

It was so wonderful to have Kremena on the show today. At the end of the conversation, actually, throughout the conversation, I felt that feeling of taking my time, because she was taking her time and sharing and just being at her own pace, and her pace being one that feels very present in each moment of her speaking. And I really enjoyed it. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, and can take something from this episode into your life, whether it relates to combining your passions into many parts of your life, taking the attitude that you’ve chosen what you’re doing in your life, or going back to your own roots, full circle, and building into what’s the wisdom of your ancestry. What wants to be continued through the line into your life and into others lives.

Candice Wu 1:01:36

Thank you so much for joining us today and be sure to check out her experiential that comes out later this week. And is also connected with her episode at CandiceWu.com/kremena, which is spelled KREMENA. Well, when I’m in Amsterdam, I definitely want to check out her class, get a little restore and replenish as well as new awareness is. And I encourage you to do that, too. If you found anything interesting or inspiring for you. You can find all the information about her classes and workshops as well as her retreat at the show notes connected to this episode at CandiceWu.com/kremena.

Candice Wu 1:02:19

Also, if you’d like to stay in touch with me and to hear bi-monthly updates, as well as keep up to date on retreats, workshops, and podcast topics and guests. You can sign up for my newsletter at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:02:36

Well, that’s all for today and I encourage you to feel into what is your pacing of life that really gets you in your flow and take your sweet time. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:01

This episode is about the key to manifesting what you desire, which is finding the map on how to be you and getting to your core essence and believing that you are worthy. Within this episode, you’ll also be guided through a healing experience around worthiness and releasing beliefs of unworthiness, as well as the judgment around it and connecting with you, what you desire, and what makes you feel like you.

Candice Wu 0:27

This episode may not be for all audiences, please use your own discretion. If you’re uncertain whether these topics will trigger you, you can check in with the show notes which will give you a heads up about certain sensitive topics.

Candice Wu 0:42

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:56

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:16

This episode is sponsored by the Dream Classes on Skillshare that I created. I love Dream Work. And what I found was experiencing the dreams in my body, as well as preparing my body to experience dreams supported me in deepening in my dream life. So feel free to hop on to check out these Dream Classes that will support you in the embodiment piece, the support of your physiology so that you feel calmer and have better sleep and are able to remember your dreams better at CandiceWu.com/dreamclasses.

Candice Wu 1:50

Recently, the third class on developing your imaginal space and your ability to connect with imagery and feeling sense in your body just came out. And there are two other classes as well and more to come about exploring your dreams from an embodiment perspective.

Candice Wu 2:10

Skillshare requires a membership except for the free classes and you can receive two months free of membership if you connect to the link through CandiceWu.com/dreamclasses.

Candice Wu 2:28

Welcome back, everybody. It’s wonderful to have you here on the Embody Podcast. I’d invite you to just take a moment with me to breathe, to notice yourself, to come inward, arrive here and allow this little space and time for you to be with whatever comes through for you today in this exploration, in this podcast, and in your heart. Welcome.

Candice Wu 3:02

So I have a bit of a cold, it’s on the tail end. So my voice sounds a little different. But I’m excited to talk to you today about manifesting and the key to manifestation of what you desire. So this came clear to me that I wanted to talk about this because more and more increasingly as I do my healing work is I release untruths from my being, from my energy, allow my body to move through that, my ability to attract and be in sync with what my desires are, and allow my life to unfold from that place is much sharper.

Candice Wu 3:44

So about two weeks ago, I was talking to my healer and I was saying “I don’t know how all these things I want are going to come together. I just don’t know.” And she said, “Well, what do you want? And I wanted to be around my family. I really was loving it at that time. And right now, in Michigan, just enjoying, spending time with them. And it’s such a sweet time, it’s a time where I’m watching different parts of my family, heal the past and come to more love. And it’s a time that I’m just watching. People enjoy things in my family, the struggle is much less. I’m experiencing that as well. And just loving them for who they are.

Candice Wu 4:28

I also wanted to live in a place that I love, wasn’t quite sure if Michigan was that for me. I grew up here and lived here until I was about 25 or six. And, at that time I left feeling like I’ve never really wanted to go back. But now that I’m here, I really enjoy the energy. I love how grounded it feels, I love that I get to ride horses here. And that’s a major part of where my love and my energy wants to go is to connect with horses and to learn how to be a good leader with horses. If you’ve listened in to any of my past podcasts, you already know that. And I truly want to grow with horses, I’m not sure if I’m going to be having my own horse soon or what but just want to be closer to them. And the other thing that I really wanted was love. I wanted romance and sensuality and the ability to create with someone, someone that would be a life partner, someone that is ready and has their heart open and is also conscious of who they are in their energy in themselves.

Candice Wu 5:37

And so, two weeks ago, I didn’t really have that many of those pieces put together. I just knew I want to be around my family. And that’s really all I knew. And what I did was I felt into all the pieces of what I wanted, and got even clearer about what that looks like and how it feels to be with that energy. And felt into that.

Candice Wu 6:05

This is a process that many people do. Visualize something and connect with how they will feel when they have it and imagine that they already have what they desire. Imagine that experience is already here and they already feel that way now, and to feel it in their bodies. And that’s essentially what I was doing, to be very personal, which is also going to be a suggestion of mine later in this podcast is that I actually pleasured myself while I was imagining all the things I wanted. Because it gets me to an even deeper and more intimate and focused connection with the thing that I want, and it matches and aligns with sexuality, which is our creative energy.

Candice Wu 6:51

So yes, I do mean masturbating and picturing the desire that I have happening to me with me and in my life, and letting my creative sexual energy and power, hold the space for that and align with that, that I desire.

Candice Wu 7:11

That’s an idea I actually got from a friend of mine through Family Constellations. And the first time I heard her say that I was like “What? You do that?”

Candice Wu 7:21

And as I got more in touch with my own fantasy life in general, it just seemed to make sense. It just naturally arrive, there where I was picturing all the things that I desire and the deepest desires that I have of loving connection and sensuality and the way of being of connecting with another person in the way that I’d like to.

Candice Wu 7:45

Of course, there were other desires, as I’ve just told you of finding a place that I want to stay for longer, being with my family and being with horses. And I didn’t picture that this time necessarily, because all those things I feel will just fall into place. And I feel very worthy of it. But there was a piece of “Can I have this love that I truly desire, this kind of relationship, this place of connection with another person that is this way?” Because in some ways, that’s new to me, to have all of the pieces there that I want in the relationship and in the other and in myself. Growing into my worthiness of the kind of love that I want and the kind of life that I want.

Candice Wu 8:35

Pleasuring myself at the same time was something that brought it even more to fruit in terms of the feeling and the embodiment. And if we think about the things that we truly desire, the things that we really do desire for our lives, don’t they turn us on in some way? Don’t they light up our being, our heart, our different parts of our body? Maybe there’s a feeling of expansion somewhere in the body, when you think of the thing that you really want. If you’re not thinking of the fear, or the absence of it, or the lack of it, if you’re feeling that that’s actually possible, there might be an opening in your body, there might be electricity or a current of energy moving. Because our creative energy connects with liver, the liver channel, and that feeds itself from the toes and feet up into the inner thighs, and all the way through the groin area, and up the body. So it’s giving inspirations, giving breath and life.

Candice Wu 9:35

So as I was looking at all these things that I wanted in my life, I just thought how impossible for all these things to come together, I just don’t even see a way. And at the same time, underneath that all I knew that there was a deeper trust. I knew that I could trust my life and that these things would unfold when they would. And yet some part of me just really wanted it now and wanted to know now.

Candice Wu 10:03

So here we are two weeks later, and I spent a bit of time in San Diego doing Somatic Experiencing Advanced training. And at the same time, I was visiting an old friend, this friend is somebody who lived directly behind my house growing up. We literally have lived there since we were eight-years-old, both of us eight-years-old, moved into those houses. And we move through all those years and into high school together. And we drive each other to school. We really had no idea about each other’s lives just a little bit like we witnessed each other from afar, and we were friendly to each other. And now we have found each other again, and the love between us is incredible.

Candice Wu 10:52

This relationship is one that I couldn’t even dream of myself if I were to create all the details. It’s just more than I could even fathom and imagine. And there’s so much surrender to what’s unfolding, there’s so much possibility, there’s so much coming back to myself, and him coming back to himself. And us doing that together and creating from this place of very deep desire to know ourselves and to know each other.

Candice Wu 11:24

I’m in awe already of what we’re creating together and the enjoyment and the love that’s just exuding from us. And we’ve explored, him coming back to Michigan, and creating some workshops and seeing what will create together.

Candice Wu 11:40

So two weeks ago, I just had no idea that any of this would even happen. And I actually didn’t realize my love for Michigan, and the feel for Michigan right now was growing in this way. And who knew that someone I even knew, and someone that is not here now would want to be here. And my experience with horses is growing. And I’m able to go to the stables this week a lot and ride with a friend, while my teacher is gone and just have a little more freedom. Everything is falling into place. And I can hardly believe it in some ways. So wanted to offer you this story. This experience as an introduction to this podcast today.

Candice Wu 12:27

There’s a second segment to this manifestation story, which relates to this entire episode. And if you are on my newsletter list, then you received an email this last week about this moment of choice that I felt in me to surrender deeper into my path, surrender deeper into my spiritual being, and continue to choose more wholeheartedly the path of joy of this moment that leads to the next and to truly trust in that and to be on this path that looks pretty irregular.

Candice Wu 13:06

So within this conversation, there is a baseline in my thought process about surrender to what is and surrender to who you are, as an essential part of creating the life you want, manifesting what you desire, being who you are in flow.

Candice Wu 13:27

This kind of surrender also means to embrace all the pleasant and unpleasant and what comes and to take each moment as a learning, a lesson of love, a lesson of growth in this life. The closer I got to what I specifically desire at the core not what I desire from all of my wounds or from my fears.

Candice Wu 13:55

For example, because I used to have a fear of not having enough, I wanted to have a lot. I wanted to have a lot of money and things. And that’s not what I’m talking about, not talking about your desires that come from fear. And what I am talking about is looking deeper into your desires and what they are and what’s underneath them. Is there truly freedom underneath that or not? Is it bound to an outcome?

Candice Wu 14:27

I’ll talk more about that later. But what I want to say now is that we’re always manifesting. When we hear about manifest this, manifest that, we’re always manifesting, we’re always experiencing a physical outpouring and expression of our inner belief sets of the accumulation of inner belief sets, vibrations, energies, meanings, desires, all coming from all sorts of places.

Candice Wu 15:00

Some of those are very true to our core and connected with our spirit. A very free place of oneness and love, one that is abundant. Some of our desires connect with our Soul Karma, where we’ve had dynamics of this life, past lives, the lineage of our family, our personal history, and the things that we experience, the beliefs that we came in with, and we want to go the other way and find the other polarity or experience the other side of something.

Candice Wu 15:35

And there’s the very egoic place of just seeing our earthly life and going with society’s consciousness. And what we’ve, in general, as a larger society agreed upon is success, or what we should be doing in life, and the fears and the things we shouldn’t do. There are many different layers of where we’re acting from, and where our mind can tell us to feed into the places that we fear, or feed into the things that we have been taught, that are right for us, and right for the world.

Candice Wu 16:14

None of that is bad. And none of it is to blame yourself. There are just some aspects of what we are creating in our lives, what is showing up through us and around us. Some of those aspects are just so deeply unconscious. And all of these experiences that too manifest are opportunities for us to see ourselves, to see what is in this for myself, what is this showing me about the deeper beliefs that I’m having right now, who I believe I am.

Candice Wu 16:53

No belief or meaning that we take on should be judged as bad or good or bad, really, because with good comes bad. It’s just all part of this unfolding of layers of who we are. So that we can truly find ourselves so we can find who we are at the deepest, the spirit and the love and the abundance that we truly are the worthiness.

Candice Wu 17:20

So we hear it sometimes that you can be anything. You can have anything and be anything, do anything. When I feel into that sense, it feels like way too much like, just everything is too much pressure to figure out of all the possibilities.

Candice Wu 17:42

And in some people experience that that leads to fear of missing out, like I can do everything, I can be everything. But if I choose this, then I’ll miss out on that. So there’s a lot of anxiety around that fear, around that. And it’s hard for some people to choose one thing or three things or focus their priority, focus their energy on what they truly desire. Because there’s just so much, I don’t know that idea is that helpful most of the time.

Candice Wu 18:14

It’s helpful to realize that there are possibilities when you’re afraid to be yourself. So if you feel like, oh, there’s this thing that I want to do, want to be, want to move towards. But I don’t know if it’s possible, and to have the thought it is possible, because you can be anything. You can do anything that can help lift some of that fear, like “Oh, okay, if everything is possible, then I can do that. The thing that I do want.”

Candice Wu 18:45

But when we don’t have a clue of what it is we’re meant to be doing here, what it is that gives us life or what we truly deeply desire, then thinking that you can be everything can bring up that anxiety. Not for everybody, of course, that might be incredibly helpful. And I’d love to hear different experiences that people have about that. The bottom line is everything is possible, we can be anything.

Candice Wu 19:16

Because the way this universe is created, is from all possibility and all probability. The word “all” encompasses the energy of all that is possible, and that everything is possible. So that is true. There’s a reality to that.

Candice Wu 19:33

However, we come into this life, as an individual soul with individual desires. And we have the ability to connect with all possibility, the ability to connect with oneness and love and unity, and to be at union with the entirety. And it is a gift to see what our individual soul brings to this life. What desires and what gifts, and what offerings just by being. And for that to connect up with and in harmony with all others. That is an extremely powerful place to flow from to be as the universe. As this individual being in connection with the universe. That may all sound very heady. So I want to just take a moment to breathe and let that soak in.

Candice Wu 20:32

So in this life, perhaps we can’t be everything. Not out of principle, but out of practicality, out of the fact that we’re born in this human body. And this individual soul, that we have a set of gifts, and unique aspects. We can develop all other aspects if we want to, but it might take a long time, or we might not have the energy and why. But we’re here with a specific set of gifts. And perhaps we can’t quite choose who we are. But we are who we are. That at our deepest, there’s already an expression of life that wants to become fuller. That expression of life that is you, that wants to live in its fullness and express that is fullness at its greatest potential. And that aligning to your specific essence can bring the most enjoyment in this life, can bring the most beautiful gifts to the world to yourself and to others. Perhaps we can’t be everything, but we can only be who we are.

Candice Wu 22:02

So who are we? Who are you? Manifesting is about getting to that core and being in such loving connection with the core of yourself and releasing or completing what is not you. The belief sets that are untrue and distorted from truth. The energies in your being that want completion, that want to find resolve, that are stuck in your body, completing and releasing all that so that even more of your energy and your attention is directed right in connection with who you truly are.

Candice Wu 22:52

Who you are is love. Who you are is powerful and worthy. Who you are is a multiplicity of energies that you don’t need to identify with one of them or a set of them, but many and that there’s flexibility and fluidity. When we complete the wounds that we are trapped in or bound within that we’re repeating the patterns that lead us to a same or similar result, all of that is our energy on repeat. And it’s taking up a lot of energy to resist the outcome that we don’t like. It’s taking a lot of energy to continue to hold those energies in our body, the fear, the movement that wants to complete itself, but gets looped back in.

Candice Wu 23:55

And when that’s all complete, we have freedom, we have expansion, we have a presence of our being that can be right here and right now. That response to the moment is adaptive and flexible to what is going on right now rather than getting triggered into a response that was helpful in the past or incomplete from the past.

Candice Wu 24:21

This language I’m using about something complete or incomplete, comes from both Family Constellations and Somatic Experiencing. For me, in my experience of both of those said a lot of what we’re repeating in our lives, wants to find completion, we don’t need to just let it go. Although if you can do that, great. But a lot of times when it’s something traumatic to the body or overwhelming to the body in the past, then our body isn’t really ready to just let it go just like that by our mind and energy, letting it go. But the body needs to complete something. The movement wants to be had. And we are here to work with our bodies. So the expansion of ourselves into freedom into not living out of those wounds, those wounds being completed and resolved. This expansion creates a potent energy and power to create to get in touch with what you desire, because it’s clear, it’s less clouded by all the other things, you’re already much more in the flow of who you are, organically your body just unfolding.

Candice Wu 25:35

And the power and potency to draw what you want towards you, just by wanting it and the letting of it unfold, and the trusting that it will come.

Candice Wu 25:49

This may be a good pausing point to ask yourself, “How in touch with my essence, my core self and truth Am I?”

Candice Wu 26:04

“How much am I naturally and organically moving in life versus forcing or pushing?”

Candice Wu 26:12

“And what wounds or untruths, belief sets out of fear, am I living from?”

Candice Wu 26:36

As you ask yourself these questions, feel free to pause and take more time with each of them. And also be super gentle because this is all about loving. This is all about loving what comes up and noticing the feelings, noticing what happens in your body, noticing what wants to be honored and seen for what it is so that you can get to know yourself even deeper in terms of who you truly are. And so that you can experience this human form in its fullest with all of its emotions, and all of the ways of being of this body that wants you to partner with it.

Candice Wu 27:24

It wants you to have a pleasant experience here. It wants you to be in your inner truth, outwardly, and to live as you came to be as it is your birthright to be.

Candice Wu 27:47

So we’re working with our vibration, the collection of energies, feelings, body sensations, belief sets, that are stored in our energy, that are stored in our bodies, in our hearts.

Candice Wu 28:07

And the more that our vibration, the more that our being, connects with the deeper truth of who we are not the fears, not the meanings that we’ve picked up along the way that don’t hold a real reality. And what I mean is the body feeling that those are true or not true, not just our mind, but the more our body resonates and emanates from the place of truth, the easier and clearer it is to know who you are. And manifesting is not an action, it just is.

Candice Wu 28:47

It just flows from there. So I invite us all to take on the journey and the process of unfolding, healing, seeing, loving, sorting truth from untruth, completing and resolving all of that instead of pushing to manifest. But doing all of that in order to arrive at who we are, and enjoying the process along the way.

Candice Wu 29:25

Sometimes when people are thinking that they’re manifesting from a place of love and freedom, and this is something that I’ve done as well is that I can depend on the outcome. And I may not realize I depend on the outcome until the outcome is something I didn’t like. And then it’s a chance to look at and feel what fear is emerging right there. What aspect of the fear that you already know probably is showing up here? So then there’s more loving, more being human and experiencing it. This opportunity to love this moment and have more expansion out of it by surrendering to it. Fulfilling it, leaning in, and taking yourself on a healing process with it. Allowing the healing to come forward.

Candice Wu 30:19

The experience of not getting what you desire is the lesson. It’s the opportunity that if taken can lead to home, to yourself.

Candice Wu 30:33

In Yoga, all of this work is called Karma Yoga and also Guyana Yoga. Karma Yoga being the study of action and the intention, the seeds of intention that are underneath action. And often when we have Sanskara, which are impressions, are beliefs, untruths, distorted truth, when we have a Sanskara, that guides us to take action from it, which is what I was talking about earlier, acting out of your wounds or fears. And then another result comes from that. And if we keep tail spinning on that and go down that pathway farther in more and more iterations, then we’re just acting out of the result of another one and another one and another one. And we have very much lost ourselves.

Candice Wu 31:32

But if we can see the Sanskara, we can see the distortion, whether that’s mentally to start with, and then letting it drop into how it feels in us? How we act? How our body is? How we move from there and feeling through that.

Candice Wu 31:54

Completing that if it’s something the body wants to complete or resolve, then we don’t have to do more iterations of that. We transcend it, we heal it, so it no longer is part of us. We are no longer identified with it. And we can move back into the wholeness and love that we actually are.

Candice Wu 32:21

So the second piece of connecting with the flow of who you are and manifesting what you desire is the belief that we are all worthy of abundance and that what we desire is possible. Which if we believe that we are unworthy, or things are not possible, those are also Sanskara, those are belief sets that are not truths. Even if your reality what you believe is your reality, or perceive as your reality can confirm it. Because we like to do that. We are actually worthy.

Candice Wu 33:01

But not every desire is worthy. So coming back to the seeds of your intention, the baseline the roots of your intention, and where that desire comes from. That’s what makes something worthy. If our desires come from this egoic place of the mind and the fear and the basic self that just fears death and fears not having enough. If it’s coming from there, then we will certainly manifest that.

Candice Wu 33:35

We will certainly attract those experiences that show us what our belief sets are. What is happening in our vibration, even if we don’t know it in our mind. What’s happening unconsciously. But if our desire comes in complete connection with the core of our being with truth and love, expansiveness, and interconnectedness, the oneness that we came from, and are through this individual self, then our desire is completely in connection in harmony with the entire universe, then it’s completely worthy.

Candice Wu 34:19

Our true nature on this planet is wholeness. Wholeness within ourselves, wholeness with each other, with earth, with everything that’s here. And that means it is our power to embrace both pleasant and unpleasant, both life and death, to be with all of those energies, on the dark and the light sides as tools, as parts of who we are in our experience. And when we resist certain aspects, when we resist sadness or anger, when we resist working with it within ourselves, then we become enslaved, or we start to enslave it.

Candice Wu 35:01

In the series Magicians, I’ve been watching on Netflix, season 7, I believe, this man says “That would you fear or you hate is what you enslave.”

Candice Wu 35:17

When we enslave, or when we resist, we inevitably create that thing that we don’t want. And we use a lot of energy doing so. So how about leaning in and not resisting? How about feeling what that is and coming to our wholeness? So that can complete itself and resolve. And you can go deeper with who you are, who you actually are, because this isn’t it. This, meaning, the fear that exists isn’t you.

Candice Wu 35:54

I want to transition now, and just offer an experience, a brief experience of connecting with who you truly are, what you desire, and releasing some of the judgment around any belief sets that come with it, acknowledging these and just bringing some light into what’s there for you.

Candice Wu 36:22

So feel free to get comfy and in a private space with yourself. And take a moment to notice your breathing. Allow yourself to release the day and release any thoughts, just noticing if there are thoughts and letting them pass by. Sense to your body and just feel into your being, the deepest, deepest, deepest part of your being as you go into the heart.

Candice Wu 37:09

So we’ll begin with connecting to you. Just connecting to a time or place where you felt like yourself. Where you felt affirmed in who you are or validated. Or this feeling and experience that this is who I am. I feel just like me. This can be at any time in your life.

Candice Wu 37:44

If you need more time to arrive there, feel free to pause the podcast. And if you have something, go ahead and tune into that experience. Set yourself right in that moment where you felt like yourself. See what’s around you. And if there are other people with you or objects around you, whatever’s there, picture it and experience what was happening or what you were doing as if it’s happening right now.

Candice Wu 38:32

Feeling your body, what’s going on now? Is there any space in your body and breath or any sensation happening? Any emotions? Be curious and open about any emotions because sometimes this can release sadness or feelings of unworthiness or other fears. And sometimes it can bring openness and a sense of beauty or peacefulness, whatever is here, honor that.

Candice Wu 39:19

Stay with this feeling of when you felt like yourself. In this moment now feeling it in your body. And as you feel that, connect with what you desire right now in your life. And if what you desire comes in a form or a structure like “I desire to have X, Y, and Z or experience X, Y, and Z.”

Candice Wu 40:09

Get deeper, what you desire to feel, when you have all that or when you are experiencing that.

Candice Wu 40:22

What will you feel? And all that is here. Get to your core desire and feel into what it is that you will feel when all this is here in your body right now. And connecting with movement, sensation, emotion, images, and breath. If any moment your fears or doubts take you or distract you, just notice those and come back to feeling this experience as if it’s already happening right now.

Candice Wu 41:37

And now I invite you to look at any feelings or beliefs of unworthiness, of doubt, of fear around what you desire to feel. For now, just noticing those fears and doubts, beliefs. Any beliefs that you’re not allowed to have this or feel this way for any reasons at all.

Candice Wu 42:18

I want you to look at all of those beliefs, and say out loud, “All of these beliefs are untrue!”

Candice Wu 42:33

Notice how you feel as you say those words, “All of these beliefs are untrue!”

Candice Wu 42:47

And I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing. I’m unworthy of receiving and experiencing what I desire. That sentence again is “I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing, I’m unworthy of receiving and experiencing what I desire.”

Candice Wu 43:30

And one more, “I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing. I’m unworthy of having what is desire.”

Candice Wu 43:43

And you can switch the words around and say, “For believing that I’m not allowed to have what I desire.” Or any words that come to you in terms of how it resonates for you. And I want you to look back at the fears, the doubts, and beliefs. And as you feel into those fears, picture that part of you. Maybe that part of you looks just like you now where looks like a younger version of you, or a blob of energy, an object, whatever this part looks like. And as you connect with it, ask it, “What do you need?”

Candice Wu 44:52

And listen for anything it says without any judgment or filtering what you need. And whatever it says or shows you, imagine that for your fear now, perhaps it needs a hug. Perhaps it needs assurance, or maybe to release some anger, sadness. Maybe it needs to run, run away from something or be protected.

Candice Wu 45:36

Give this part of you your fear, whatever it needs in your mind’s eye now. Let yourself feel what’s happening inside. At any time, if you feel overwhelmed, go back to the moment you felt like yourself that we started with in the beginning. And it doesn’t hurt to even just tap into that and then come back to feeling into the fear and what’s here for you or what it needs.

Candice Wu 46:35

And if you need more time with it, feel free to pause the podcast and take your own time as long as you need. And just right now, if your eyes are closed, open them gently and just look around. Look around your space. Give your body a little bit of self-touch, to let it know that it’s here. This container that supports you in life.

Candice Wu 47:05

As you look around, tuned into what feels pleasant to look at. And feel free to just say these words out loud now. “I release any feelings and beliefs of unworthiness. I release any feelings and beliefs that I’m not enough. And I forgive myself for judging myself for any times and places that I did not trust my life.”

Candice Wu 48:13

Just notice how you feel as you say those words, feel free to repeat them. Rewind and repeat. If there are more emotions coming through, just stay with them. Let them move through. And again, just coming back out and seeing your environment, letting yourself arrive back here. Feel free to put your hand on your heart and just give some thanks to yourself, gratitude for taking the time and energy and space to heal, to look at yourself and to know yourself.

Candice Wu 49:12

Thank you so much for following through that journey with me. And I’m just delighted to be able to share that with you. These are pieces of all sorts of healing that I’ve journeyed through myself and keep using these tools, as well as pieces that I’ve gotten from different healers that I combine for what works for me.

Candice Wu 49:37

I mentioned very early on in the podcast, when sharing my own personal experience that you can pleasure yourself or masturbate to give your intention a congruent power, your ultimate creative energy. And that the things that you truly desire can open up to let that turn you on.

Candice Wu 50:02

I’m not going to walk you through that. But if that is something that resonates with you, or you feel intrigued about it, feel free to try that and see what that brings you. A lot of times when I do that, I enjoy it while it is happening. And then if I have an orgasm or have some sort of release, then also a lot of emotions release, sadness and other feelings that want to move out. And that’s a really powerful part of it.

Candice Wu 50:38

If you do want a bit of a guided process around that, I interviewed Harmony Niles earlier on this year, and she did some work and a little podcast on Core Erotic Themes. So tuning into your sexual fantasies, and what you desire sexually. And what I found is that when you get to the sexual fantasies that are yours, if you do feel connected sexually, if you get to the ones that are unfiltered and untamed for yourself, you can often get to a feeling that you want to experience in your life a very deep and core feeling that you desire. So you can find that at CandiceWu.com/harmony.

Candice Wu 51:27

And there’s also a couple of other podcasts that I recommend if this episode resonated with you. There’s the Worthiness episode that you could not be more worthy at CandiceWu.com/worthiness.

Candice Wu 51:42

And the parts work, embracing the many parts of yourself with voice dialogue, and Internal Family Systems work. That is at CandiceWu.com/parts.

Candice Wu 51:55

I really enjoyed having you here on this podcast with me and journeying with me in your healing. It is wonderful to have you here and to hear any of your feedback. Feel free to email me if you have an experience you want to share, questions, any desire for future podcasts, topics, anything like that I love hearing from all of you listeners.

Candice Wu 52:19

And before you go, I’d like to invite you to listen to the podcast that came before this one. It’s been over a year of podcasts. And the way that I designed this podcast series is every other week, there’s a guest, a guest healer or wellness practitioner, where we have vulnerable conversations about their lives, and about who they are and what they offer in the world.

Candice Wu 52:46

And the other weeks, they do solo episodes, where I bring a topic. And then usually I have some experiences on there. And either those experientials are within the podcast like today’s or they’re in additional ones, separate ones where you can tune into just that podcast over and over if you need to, or want to. Or you can share that with someone who might need that experience or meditation to support them in their lives.

Candice Wu 53:15

So it’s really quite a menu. It’s not necessarily that you listen to every podcast in order. And a lot of my listeners that I hear from are telling me, a lot of you are telling me that you’re just picking and choosing the ones that feel right for you and that resonate or strike something in you. I love that. And that’s absolutely what it’s made for. So enjoy. And check out all the other podcasts that CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 53:43

And I invite you to sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter if you want to stay in touch and get updates about workshops, retreats, self-love notes and the podcast itself at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 53:59

I am wishing all of you love and that you are loving yourself no matter what’s going on. And if you’re not to see that and come to more witness of yourself and loving of yourself, embracing of this human experience that you’re going through. And as always, I’m here to support you if you would like to have any support. If you’re a new client or someone new to the process of support with me, you can have a free 20-minute consultation, can find that at my website as well.

Candice Wu 54:36

Thank you so much for joining today and I’ll leave you with some music so that you can wind down and enjoy and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.