Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is the introduction to a cleanse on your relational world. Cleansing your relational world and your dynamics can support you in feeling joy in your life now, being more present, and releasing old ties that have kept you tied in. Also, just some brief updates about my trip to Mexico as well as a recent proprioceptive writing retreat and the sensual topics that have come out of that.

Candice Wu 0:31

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:44

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:05

Starting today, February 10th, 2020, for one month, I will be offering the first part of the dream classes that’s on Skillshare for free. This is about how to uncover and awaken your dream life, the basics of remembering and recording your dreams. So, it’s how to prepare your body somatically and energetically to be able to better remember your dreams and tips and tools for recording those dreams so that you can catch those dream fragments and stories as you wake up. You can find the class at CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1, and you’ll be able to sign up for a free membership there where the class is free once you get into Skillshare.

Candice Wu 1:53

There, you can also find other classes on how to support yourself in waking up your dream life and recording your dreams, accessing your dreams, the importance of dreamwork, and how it can support you and your life as well as upcoming dream classes that I will be creating on how to glean the wisdom from your dream life, for your waking life, for your heart and your soul, and for who you are.

Candice Wu 2:23

Welcome back to the Embody Podcast. This week, I am in Mexico, and last week, you may have heard the episode on solo travel, some of my fears that I was deconstructing and what was happening for me as I began the journey again to live abroad and travel. At this point, I am in Mexico, I’m in Mexico City, it would be today that I’d be transiting to Oaxaca with a friend, and if you want to hear about my travels and how it’s going, you’ll have to tune in next week because I’m recording this one week in advance so that I can let myself have time to settle in without worrying about the podcast and internet and all that stuff and just let myself surrender, wander and explore just the way I want to.

Candice Wu 3:10

One of the most exciting things for me about travel is to set myself into a completely different environment that lets me see, then see myself more deeply and also see where I’m holding constructs that are not really real, but you know, just one way of being because I get to experience the constructs in another environment or from a totally different angle, and language set, especially when another language involved. It comes with an entire embodied way of being an entire experience set that lives within the words and the experience of that culture.

Candice Wu 3:56

So, I’m excited about that and that relates right to what I did last weekend, which was a proprioceptive writing retreat at Hope Springs Institute. It was just what I needed. I feel like it was the perfect retreat for me to get connected with myself on a deeper level aligned to my experience, what I mean when I speak, what I, where I’m coming from, and yet also a stronger awareness of the space in between me and my projections or me and my thoughts, me and the experiences I’ve had, so that I’m more centered in my aware self.

Candice Wu 4:41

Coming up soon, I’ll also do an episode about that writing retreat and the process of it, and perhaps read some of the writings that came through, and it really is a process of listening inward and observing what comes through and writing it down, and then asking a question of: What do I mean by and whatever word has some aliveness? To follow that thread of energy and let it come through as to what is held in the proprioceptive being, the being of us that is aware of space and time and aware of our body, and holds the experience of this life and all the lives that came before it in terms of past and lineage, so it was amazing. And I hope to do a constellations retreat there. So, for all of you who have been asking about retreats, it’s coming and this place is magical and the perfect place to do it.

Candice Wu 5:41

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke about Mary Oliver in the episode where I read her poem, Wild Geese, and I’m still stuck with the words: “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” And this writing retreat brought me closer to what I love and what touches me in a really deep way, and some of the themes that I’ve been exploring right now are sleep disruptions and tiredness, eroticism, gassiness, who people are to me, and the ones that seem highlighted in my life, my associations around fuck and fucking, the words fuck and fucking, sensuality, intimacy, polyamory and play. It’s a lot of relationship stuff, and sexuality and sensuality.

Candice Wu 6:36

I’ve been curious about true intimacy, like the deepest kind where there is bare seeing and nothing to hide and nothing to hide from, and that even the most mundane things have this vulnerable, intimate, erotic quality to them, when seen in that kind of light and that beauty. I had a romantic experience with someone recently that just brought me to this level of artistry, presence and being. And it also reminded me of the great tamer, this dance production that I recently saw in New York that had this quality of presence, seeing and the mundane things as sensual and beautiful, yet, also macabre and deathly, and disjointed, and this remembering of things, bringing things together.

Candice Wu 7:41

So, all that’s floating around in me, and if you’re interested in that show or Hope Springs or the proprioceptive writing retreat, I’ll link that on the show notes and get a little taste of what’s been going on for me. Well, stay tuned for that episode where I do talk more about proprioceptive writing because it is an important process now in my life, and I think it’s really helpful and just aligns with a lot of the ways that I already tune in and listen, and to write it down gives it another level but there’s a slowness to the quality of the process that is really powerful, especially when shared with another person or a group.

Candice Wu 8:25

But now for today’s topic, I want to talk about cleansing our relationships, bringing them all up to speed to the present moment, that is to say, to align to the right now, the truth of this moment, and giving it a space for what wants to have been said, and what wants to be said now as well as heard or received in the interaction and exchange between you and another. That may have been lingering festering inside you for a long time or that may be very present with you now in terms of timing that it’s happening now in your life.

Candice Wu 9:10

Have you had a relationship with someone that long ended? And this can be a friend relationship, a colleague, a family member, an animal, an intimate relationship, any, anyone, but that this relationship is still tugging on you in some way or coming back. Relationships are held within you. They’re not just a physical experience and on the physical dimension. So, just discarding them or ending it doesn’t always do the job. If we’re fully integrated in that moment, and feeling all the fields and acknowledging all of what is there, which is hard as a human being, then maybe it is done, and only you know, but if you’ve ever had that relationship that you haven’t been in contact with someone for years or even decades, but you can’t stop thinking about a certain thing about it, and it, perhaps bugs you where it hurts or you want it to go away and you push it away or better yet, you’re having dreams and they’re coming into your dreams or the thought like, why can’t I get over this or over them or why won’t this leave me? There’s a layer of frustration over the experience.

Candice Wu 10:34

And so, to let the frustration set to the side or any other feelings of shame or guilt, just give a little space for what else wants to be said, what else needs to be seen or acknowledged within that dynamic and dimension, and relationship, then perhaps it can truly integrate an end. There is a reason that it’s coming back, and that overall reason is that there’s something here for you to hold into your heart. There’s something to feel through about it, and there’s some wisdom there, and then there’s some letting go or some feeling through and releasing, perhaps. Whatever it is, is likely unconscious or buried so deep because it could be painful or it could be uncomfortable or maybe you just haven’t given yourself the time, and this is a chance here in this experiential to give yourself the space, the awareness, attention, and love, to hold the experience, to let whatever it is in that relationship be heard, be acknowledged, so that you can truly move on in your heart, in your psyche, in your soul, and in your body.

Candice Wu 12:08

So, it’s a chance to hit the refresh and reset button, and sometimes, this does mean saying goodbye fully where parts of you haven’t or sometimes, it just energetically ends certain dynamics and patterns of ways of being between you and this person or the meanings that you apply in this relationship. Perhaps, it just changes all that up, let’s that end and allows you to have something new going forward, whether that’s with this person or not, but you cleanse the palate, so to speak.

Candice Wu 12:46

We are working with our shadow with whatever we project in this experience onto the other person, what they mean to us and how we perceive them. The meaning of the interaction or exchange, and when we look at the shadow, when we connect with a person that has meant anything to us, there usually is a golden part of the shadow and a dark part, and to fully integrate, in my experience, noticing and witnessing, feeling through both has allowed it to fully digest and to organically have its place. And for me, to move on if moving on is necessary or whatever the movement is that wants to come through next. So, to receive the “good and the bad” to integrate the whole of it, the painful and pleasant parts.

Candice Wu 13:57

Nick Werber, one of my good friends and colleagues in family constellations and somatic work. He also was on the podcast twice. He says that he does a ritual with those that he cares about, and it’s: I say goodbye to who you were to make room for who you are. That is an incredibly powerful statement to do that regularly with someone you love. Whether that’s together or within yourself so that you can stay present to what’s truly here now.

Candice Wu 14:39

It’s really our own perceptions of that person that we’re saying goodbye to, and that’s part of who we are. But this goodbye, this ending allows us to take in something and find its completion, it’s fruits. You know, when someone dies or an experience ends. Have you had that experience where you’re just flooded with the feelings of appreciation or hurt or anger or fear, just all these different emotions that you might have felt throughout the experience and yet they’re culminating and coalescing right at this peak moment where the goodbye is coming or happening? The ending lets us see what it truly was, and so, if we give ourselves that ending on a regular basis, even internally, because each day has ended, because each moment ends as soon as it’s had and a new moment begins, then we can truly be present or have more of our capacity in the present moment than in the past.

Candice Wu 16:00

I think of horses and they’re so present. Yes, they do have trauma and that weaves in, but by and large, they face what’s right in front of them, and what they’re presented with, and they are congruent with theirs, what their body wants and feels in that situation and express that outwardly. Sometimes, they walk away from each other, and they do it. They don’t sort of do it. They don’t think about it, they don’t halfway do it, they do it or sometimes there’s a little bristle between one horse and another and later, they’re over it and their nuzzling. Sometimes, that’s their play, and sometimes it’s loaded with frustration or fight, but there’s clearness to how present they are in the moment, and they learn. They learn that if something feels different, and it’s a little safer, they can begin to let their guard down just a little. And of course, it’s at their pace, but the present moment gives them something new.

Candice Wu 17:13

And I wish that for all of you that the present moment gives you something new, fresh, something you don’t even know and expect, which Yes, I get can be scary. The unknown. It can be magical to be present in that unknown, to hold yourself with love through whatever it feels like.

Candice Wu 17:37

I had a couple of these long term relationships living in even though they were long gone in real life in “real life”, you know, in the physical realm, and one of them I was holding a lot of guilt and shame about how I acted with them and it wasn’t like I did anything wrong, but I noticed how needy I was in that situation, and this person just had a baby. And of course, they had their own needs, I was just so clingy with them, and it took some time for me to notice all of what came up for me and why, why I was that way or what happened that led up to it, and the belief sets that are underneath that, and all that was held with this place marker of this person, and it really wasn’t about that person at all, but about my fears and that situation and what was left undone.

Candice Wu 18:36

So, this is a chance to give yourself the attention and let your imagination come in so that whatever needs to happen can happen. Whatever did not get to happen can happen, and this is the way we can let ourselves digest it using that tool, the brilliant tool of our imagination to fuel and give resources to healing and wholeness. It’s a chance to bring all the cells in our body as much as we are aware of to the alignment of who we are now, in the present moment now, rather than leaving some incomplete and half, half baked, so to say or half moved through and experienced, but to complete those as we see them, knowing that not everything ever could be complete, but some can.

Candice Wu 19:32

So, I’m going to divide this episode into two parts so that it’s just this introduction and then the experiential, and that you continue into the experiential on its own without all this extra stuff in front. And if you want, you can repeat the experiential and do something like a one a day cleanse or once a week cleanse, were you do this experiential with another person, another person on perhaps the list you’ve made of all those important to you, all those who have been important to or have touched her life in some way, both positively and negatively or pleasantly and painfully, however, you see it the whole dimension, those that you wanted in your life and those who didn’t. You could make a list of all those people.

Candice Wu 20:26

You can make a list of all the present people in your life, those that you want to devote more time to or cultivate more as well as those who may want to find a new distance or space or boundary with, and you get to choose, you get to take a look at that and see what’s there and held in that relationship that means something to you. And if you don’t know where they are placed in your life right now or where you want to place them, in a sense, what you want in terms of that relationship. And of course, we can’t control what they want, but what you want, then you could do this process and see what happens in the aftermath because I’ve often found that this has been a reset button where even where I thought I would say goodbye completely and walk away and give a lot of space in between me and this person, perhaps not communicate with them anymore or way less. That reset, that cleansing has brought something fresh in our relationship and a new desire in me to connect and from a different place of myself.

Candice Wu 21:50

So, who knows? And I invite you to leave it open so that the space for something new can happen whether that’s being in their lives or not, whether that’s new relationships coming in and the space for it or other things that you can relate to an experience in your life that this gives space for. So, tune into the episode as it comes out later this week, and I hope you enjoy it and find more space for being present in what you want, here and now, today.

Candice Wu 22:27

Before we close today, and we tuned into the experiential, want to mention the ally with death experiential. It’s an audio experience now which guides you through a simulation of your death. I just wanted to bring it up because it really relates to this process of allying with death to integrate and bring space for the present. You can check it out at CandiceWu.com/death. Also, if this episode has been interesting for you, you might touch into a few other episodes that relate to relationships endings, letting go and sinking up with the present, including the episode of toxic relationships and ancestry, the challenging relationships in your family. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 23:27

The episode on Relationships Ending, Good Grief at CandiceWu.com/relationshipendings. There’s also the episode on energetic boundaries and how to strengthen your energetic field and clear any absorb energy, and that’s specifically Episode 30a: Sorting and Clearing your Vibration. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep30. And lastly, the episode on The Past Being Over and some experientials there at CandiceWu.com/pastisover. All of these will be linked in the show notes for you. So, check it out as well as all the things I mentioned in the podcast today.

Candice Wu 24:08

Before you go, I’d like to invite you to sign up for the Embody Community newsletter, and it’s a newsletter that goes out once or twice a month, giving you updates on where I am in the world, what’s going on with me, updates on podcasts and self-love notes as well as any retreats and events that are coming up. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 24:32

Thanks so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
This is an experiential to support you in cleansing your relationship dynamics and to have more presence and space for what's coming in your life now. If you'd like some context around this experiential, as far as what this experiential might support you with, the ideas behind it, and what it might offer you, feel free to check that out at CandiceWu.com/relationshipcleanse.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Here in this experiential, I will offer you a variety of statements and suggestions that you might do, as far as looking at a specific relationship that has meant anything to you.

I will also leave space for what organically wants to come up throughout the experience. The unique experience that is to you and this other person or people, and what wants to happen as it evolves and unfolds in the here and now.

In the intro episode, you might have heard me suggest that making a list of all the people that have been meaningful to you both in pleasant and unpleasant ways, both past and present, this can be really helpful in your process of cleansing and really taking a thorough inventory if you so choose to. If not, you might just choose somebody that you're working with now, in your soul, in your heart.

For you, it might be helpful or not to start with somebody who is easy in terms of your feelings for that person that it's not so complicated or complex, and then build-up to the ones that are more challenging, that bring either painful feelings or uncomfortable feelings, however, you choose to do it. It is incredibly resourceful for the nervous system if you choose something that feels safe to begin and build the capacity in your body to go towards some more difficult pieces.

If you have a large capacity for feeling and sensing through, this might not matter as much for you. But if you did want to play with it, it might also give you something different.

I trust that you'll know exactly who you need to begin with and how you need to begin, and will let your intuition guide the way. So feel free to connect with yourself in any way that feels comfortable, any way that's supportive to you, whether that's touch, just tuning in, noticing your breath or anything else.

Notice what's here for you, in this moment, finding that connection with the relationship to yourself.

And when you're ready, feel free to stand up if you want to take this into a full-body movement experience, or sit or lie down whatever's right for you.

I invite you to notice your whole body, your emotions, the sensations in your body, thoughts, images, movements, throughout the experience.

Now bring one person that has meant anything to you, or touched your life in some way to the forefront.

If you're standing, you might imagine them standing somewhere in your space, where you could put place markers, like a piece of paper with their name on it, or an object that can stand in to represent or just imagine it.

And as you open the space with this person, just notice whatever it is that you feel or perceive in relation to them. Are you able to look at them? Do you see them looking at you? Is it hard or easy to and what is the feeling? How is your body?

Stay with whatever wants to emerge and be felt, and acknowledged or begin to notice what words might want to be said from either end.

Feel free to say out loud to this person, anything that you might need to say.

Let yourself be as honest as possible. This is your private time and space, in your imaginative field.

Notice if there's anything you wish to hear from them, feel free to imagine them saying this, and yes using the tool of imagination as a healing support for you.

Continue to observe how this feels for you, what you notice in your body, what distance you and this other person are at and what feels comfortable. You get to decide.

Now, feel free to stand in the other person's place. So, if you're literally standing, you can walk over at your pace and look towards yourself, and if you're imagining this, imagine dipping up into the ethers and landing in their energy, looking towards you and feel what it's like to be in their place, looking towards you.

Notice if there are any words or affections or movements that want to be expressed, and let yourself do that.

Notice if there are any messages from this person to you at a deeper level, at the level of the soul and spirit.

Notice anything else there's to notice and to feel, and whenever you're ready, come back to your place. Feel free to imagine that you've washed yourself with crystal clear white light and lands back in your place.

Now I'll offer a few words that may or may not fit your situation, your relationship, or your vernacular, and feel free to adjust them as it fits you. And if something doesn't resonate with you, just let it pass and feel free to say whatever there is to say in your words, or wait for the next one. And we'll also leave some time at the end for anything else that wants to be said or felt.

So the first phrase from you to this person, feel free to say it out loud.

“Thank you”

The next one. “Thank you for the lesson.”

“Please.” And sometimes a strain as wishes come through there, “Please, please.”

Another one you can try on is, “No.”

And as we continue forward, if there are some that just really strike you more deeply, feel free to stay with that, pause here in the recording if you need to, or just ignore the next words or feel free to come back at the end.

And now a sentence, “I take responsibility for the hurt or pain that happened in this relationship and I leave you with yours.”

Another one you might try on is, “You will always hold a special place in my heart.”

“I receive what you gave me and I make more with it.”

“Thank you for your part of my journey. Thank you for being on my journey with me.”

And another idea is, “I agree to this for some time and I no longer agree to this.”

And again, just noticing which words fit for you, which don't, just leaving the ones behind that don't, and maybe taking the ones with you that do, and just a few more suggestions here to try on.

“Please bless me on my way and I bless you on yours.”

Or, “I am at peace with you.”

Or, “I can love you from a distance.”

Take a moment if you feel like it, to sense the color of your own energy and sense the color of their energy, wherever there's any color that's inside of you that belongs to them, let it magnetize back towards this person.

Take any time you need to sense into any other feelings that live in your body, that you sense in the relationship or space in between, any words that need to be said.

Now, notice if there's anything else that needs to be said or done in this relationship at the moment, any feelings that need to be honored within you.

If you want to, invite a clear white light to come in between you, the energy of presence and love.

Invite this person to stand and be at a distance that feels comfortable for you. Ranging from next to you to across the world or into outer space, whatever feels right.

Notice how you feel now at the end of the experience, take an inner imprint of what's happening inside and savor any parts of you that feel relief, expansiveness, any pleasant feeling while you take note of any feelings that are still wanting to make their way through.

Of course, as always, feel free to come back to parts of this that you wanted to come back to, or need more time with.

And, I'll leave you with a little bit of gentle music here or, you can do that or come back to your space and your surroundings and into your life.

Feel free to rewind this all the way back to the beginning of the experiential, where the experiential starts, if you want to do this with another person, or trust yourself to work with the next person knowing what you need, allowing the space for what wants to come up to do so organically.

And I wish you all the best with letting the dynamics end and conclude, to die, and for renewal, rejuvenation to happen within you and in your relationships.

Thanks so much for joining me today and see you next time in the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:06

Richard has dedicated his life to loving Love with a capital L. And in this episode, received the invitation to connect with the wildness of the soul, the part that wants to dance with love and die into love.

Candice Wu 0:21

He shares about experiencing life challenges as the deeper opportunity of our lives to love, the experience of intimacy, how relationships are a way to accelerate, loving Love, embodiment as a beginning and endless journey, planting a tree in fear and sitting there until their shelter, and that there are no guarantees of security or identity in life, even if we borrow it from the past or future.

Candice Wu 0:46

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 1:00

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:22

This episode is supported by the monthly group call that provides Embodied Healing and spiritual support. In each call, you’ll receive loving support in moving through your emotions, tuning into your intuition, developing your empowerment and body wisdom, as well as clearing limiting beliefs through your entire being, and looking at any ancestral pieces that may be inherited.

Candice Wu 1:46

Each group is limited to four people to keep it in a small group. And the call happens typically once a month on Sunday, the second Sunday or Tuesday of the month at 10 am, Central. You can find this at my Patreon page at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 2:04

It’s really with great honor that I introduce Richard Moss today. I admired his work as soon as I saw it, when I saw him speaking on YouTube. And, as I looked at his website and his books, I already felt a transmission of energy, this sense of living life the soul, through the heart, and viewing all of our experiences with a loving presence, with witness, this very embodied way to be while also seeing the spiritual development of our consciousness in everything.

Candice Wu 2:44

You might even hear it in this conversation that at some point we talk about why is this called the Embody Podcast and something in me happened where the energy and the conversation of what we’d already been talking about, it just kind of ruffled up my whole being. And you’ll hear what I say. And I’m not sure that I would say that in any other day. But here it is, and what wanted to come through I trust. But I felt so much of warmth in me. And a shift into being as a more fluid experience. And shifting out of this mentality of production, or this outcome of life that my ego, my mind, wants things to be, which has been a life journey. So it’s not this profound moment that just happened here. But it was another level of that, and shedding another layer of that ego drive that can push me at times and moving into more loving.

Candice Wu 3:53

In 1977, Richard was a practicing physician in the ER when he experienced a spontaneous state of illumination. And he describes this as this moment where he sensed that all he could give this patient was love.

Candice Wu 4:10

I love this story. And also appreciate how he experiences this as an ongoing journey, not just this moment of awakening, but something that he’s been deepening in for years and years.

Candice Wu 4:25

Richard’s work is about catalyzing you to live as fully and creatively as you were born to live. And his goal is that you don’t just follow his or her work, but that you learn to become your own teacher. And I love that that’s everything of what the Embody Podcast is about. So I hope that you enjoy this episode with Richard. And I give him a very warm welcome here. Without further ado, here’s Richard.

Candice Wu 4:52

I’m very excited to have you here today, Richard, it’s such an honor, I, my first interaction or connection with your work was actually seeing you on YouTube. And the first sentence I heard, I was just like, oh, and you’d said something at a piece, convention or conversation about, there’s really nothing that we can be grateful for. And it was so much about how you said it and the energy you brought to that, the presence you brought to that moment that really spoke to me. So I want to welcome you here to the show today.

Richard Moss 5:33

Thank you, Candice, thank you very much. Always, it’s always an honor. And it’s so in alignment with my life to speak with someone who wants to help others. And for all of us, who help others really understand the opportunity of our deeper nature and potential. And to share with that and to inspire them to share about that, and to inspire that is the whole purpose of my life.

Candice Wu 6:03

That’s so beautiful. And, I feel that too, although you say it more eloquently than I do. But I also have read a little bit about or maybe heard more, from you about love, choosing to love Love, is —

Richard Moss 6:20

Exactly.

Candice Wu 6:22

Yeah. Can you say more about that now and where you are in on your journey?

Richard Moss 6:27

You’re right. I mean, it’s where I am at my journey now. And I can look back at my life and see how quite literally love was calling me. And that I understood that it only partially, at each time, the call was so clear and profound. And by love in that sense, I don’t mean or I mean a good deal more than but I certainly do mean the love that we can learn to share with another person, the personal love, the love in particular that I’ve created now for 30 something years with my stepson. And that love that we know, with people that were deeply connected to, but there was a different level, a much deeper level, call it a capital L lover.

Richard Moss 7:21

And it was calling to me in an emergency room. I was an ER doc a long time ago because I left medicine a long time ago, but it was a very important training, a different grounding, particularly as to the mind and a particular vision of what we are. But I was in the emergency room and very briefly all that happened was I was about to sedate him and for observation had been quite violent. He was actually a policeman there. And just as I was about to sedate him, this voice in my head, which was not a thought type of voice, it just said, “you have nothing to share this man except love.”

Richard Moss 8:02

Now put this in perspective, I think I was 28 years old. And what I did was I handed this syringe, I was going to inject this man with it back to the nurse and I just said to him, “I’m going to just put my hands on you the way I would want to be touched if I was in tremendous pain and fear.”

Richard Moss 8:31

And I just put one hand at the very top of his head just a kind of — the way you would touch a child’s head in, a baby’s head, just to comfort them, just to create that — to renew that ever always connection and the other hand was just softly over his belly and I got just blindingly hot. And I had been in a meditation group and I’ve met a teacher that showed me how to sense energy. So it was not like it was completely foreign to put my hands that way. But it was the voice that said you have nothing to share with this man that loved.

Richard Moss 9:13

Except for bringing my hands near him and just telling you just hardly touching him, just the softest touch. And this heat, this tremendous heat in the man went completely to sleep. The nurse sat down on a chair, the room got so hot. The security guard actually went to open a window and then he sat down in the chair. And I just was transfixed in a level of energy I never knew existed before. It was just pure love. And, because, I don’t know what else to call it.

Richard Moss 9:49

And then it was over, after, I would see, you know, things always seem longer in memory. But certainly a minute or two I just stood there, which was bizarre. I mean, I even, there was a part of my mind was saying, “oh my god, this nurse must think I’m gone nuts.” I mean, she knew me for a few years.

Richard Moss 10:10

So it was, that was one of the first times I was called. And I was called many other times, to that love that is really literally the backbone of the universe is what Walt Whitman calls it. I mean, the mystic poets and the mystics, and the great spiritual sages all talk about the very essence of creation is love. If you want to attribute something we know is an embodied feeling to the absolute unknowable mystery of God, then probably love is what brings us as close to source and God as anything can and we all taste it in our personal love, we all taste it in our relationships.

Richard Moss 10:52

But that calling of love finally became the realization that it wasn’t about loving another person, it was about loving Love with others. And loving Love with my wife, Katherine, is very different than saying, “I’m in love with you, do you love me?”

Richard Moss 11:12

We have a deep understanding, both of us, through very different paths. That intuitive said it was obeying and celebrating. It was listening to and celebrating the higher self with another. But she, too, has joined me in the language of loving Love itself.

Richard Moss 11:32

And the other one of the other ways that I was called to this love was back in the early 90s, when I found a beautiful piece of artisan paper that was embossed with a series of concentric circles and around the outside or across it in French, it was in French, and I was with a good friend who’s also, at this point, I was many years into being a consciousness or spiritual if we want to call it that teacher, which means a constant student of everything. And then, so he translated for me and the words were from St. Bernard and it goes like this, “Who loves, loves Love. And loving Love forms a circle. So complete, there is no end to love.”

Richard Moss 12:31

And so in the 90s that became a mantra, the emergency room situation happened maybe in 1975, early 76.

Richard Moss 12:43

And those are just examples of what so loving Love is like having a third consciousness. Because you and I are speaking, we’re in a relationship. It’s dedicated to much the same thing it is bringing the opportunity, the incredible invitation of deepening and consciousness and deepening in heart and embodying heart.

Richard Moss 13:11

And then I’d love to know why you ended up calling this the Embody Podcast that to me is really significant. And so that became a mantra that St. Bernard quote, that’s been 26, 27 years with me. And then in the last number of years, I began to realize that it was truly about loving Love, not about being loved or loving someone else, which is all-important and essential and fundamental as well. But that kind of love can come or go, especially personal love, you know, you can love someone and then hate them, if they don’t love you. When transactional love is there, you know.

Candice Wu 13:53

Yeah.

Richard Moss 13:53

I think for the vast majority of us, there’s no transaction between us and our children. The vast majority, it’s, it just is love. But for most of us, you know you love someone and then they stop behaving the way you want them to. And you start having to deal with your own inner stuff and projected on them and vice versa. And pretty soon we’re in conflict. And pretty soon we’re telling ourselves the stories that destroy that love. And it’s gone and is replaced by indifference or defensiveness, or anger or even hate, which is so sad and so basic, to an awakened human consciousness. So that’s what I mean by loving Love. It’s a third consciousness, it’s mediating between Cathy and myself. It’s watching, it’s listening. It’s not just an abstraction for me, it’s a living presence.

Candice Wu 14:52

It’s beautiful. I really feel connected to that loop. From that quote of loving Love. And I feel that experience of what you’re speaking to that there’s this third, living, breathing witness to the experience of relating, and the consciousness that we each are, who we are in it. And seeing it from that place, it holds everything, feels like it holds everything.

Richard Moss 15:28

It does. And that doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It does not mean that all of the work, we must, actually we have to learn to do this. And then we have to become passionate about practicing it but all of the work to understand how we poison love, with our thinking, with our disembodied obstructions, our beliefs, our belief systems, our judgments are unprocessed pain from the past and wounding from childhood, of various degrees, you know, and what we’ve inherited from our ancestral lineage, and then what ultimately all of us are bathing in terms of enormous collective patterns, such as the dominance of patriarchy in the world for thousands and thousands of years.

Richard Moss 16:26

And what that’s meant to men in terms of their identity and how they are even, how they’re blinded, or very limited in their ability to perceive woman, women, the feminine, in themselves, and certainly outside in others, and vice versa. Because patriarchy also has a very limiting narrowing effect on how women see themselves, believe in themselves and behave.

Richard Moss 16:53

And we’re breaking free now. There’s a wildness of a soul that’s coming forth now. And it’s liberating us from that. But it’s a hard work daily, moment by moment often.

Candice Wu 17:04

Yeah, I think you’re really touching on exactly why this is called the Embody Podcast. It’s all of those aspects that you mentioned, ancestry, our beliefs that have been, if one believes it, you know, through many lives, or what we came in with, what we started to think about, through our whole experience, especially from childhood, all the judgments, all of that living in the body. And how do we come to presence now, and align with presence now, but give a rooted healing to those parts that are coming up?

Candice Wu 17:47

And with patriarchy, with the collective ideas and belief, to talk about them as one thing. But I have found that it doesn’t quite shift what’s actually happening when we do relate at unconscious levels and conscious until it gets to the level of the body and the heart, in this human body, in this form. And I think it’s just such a beautiful gift to be able to have this body to be in, to let it all transform and experience what’s really here now.

Richard Moss 18:28

Yes, you know, and what’s so fascinating, which is just coming to me a number of different things as I listened to you just came into consciousness. One is that as we get older, and I’m 72, and I just was on holiday with my wife and visited one of my dearest friends, he’s been a mentor for me, he and his wife although she passed five and a half years ago, for relationship in particularly the profound richness of what they explored, has been such an influence on me. And he’s 88 or just about 88. And his name is Jack Zimmerman.

Richard Moss 19:16

And people can find him, his book, Flesh, and Spirit. And then he wrote a memoir about the last use of the exploration with his wife. Now he’s currently writing a book about the relationship, these five and a half years since she passed, and how vital and alive and profound their third consciousness has grown, even after the transition.

Richard Moss 19:40

And so that came into my mind that the body, is it ages, and I already do experience this, it becomes more and more sensitive. And it becomes wiser and wiser to really what is essential. We know that and we feel it, the skin gets, literally, the skin gets thinner, the defenses, the armor goes down. And since we can’t use the body, as so many people do, so many people use the body.

Richard Moss 20:14

In a way, I would say, sometimes it’s escape, but it’s also the portal. It’s just a portal into flow. It’s a portal into, you know, through surfing and swimming, and running and rock climbing, which was a big one for me, and mountaineering, also a big one, when I was younger, the body sports out in nature, really getting someplace through your own effort, and learning to go deeper and deeper into determination and effort and the adventure of living like that in your body. And I never got very good at surfing, just not enough time to do it. But rock climbing I did learn profoundly, more deeply into the body.

Richard Moss 20:58

I ran for many years. And just to stay fit in between my travels and so forth. And some of that was escape, some of that. And I think for many people that kind of routine of exercises, not only at one level, healthy, good at another level, it’s what they use to tone their emotional body.

Richard Moss 21:18

And as such, if you were suddenly to become ill, or disabled, or like in my case where a disc went bad. And I had years of pain and then eventually had to have a hip replaced and eventually had to have some back surgery. And in those periods of time, if you were dependent on being in nature, the way you were being active in the way you knew how to be, you could really have a tremendous opportunity to accelerate in consciousness because you would have to deal with the emotions that were being sedated, consciously or unconsciously through the physical activity, through the —

Richard Moss 21:57

Because we are a culture now and I live in Boulder, Colorado, which is going to be one of the world’s Apex, is for Superathletes, is that level of fitness in this town. I go to the gym. Oh my goodness, compared to what I saw on the beach in Hawaii recently. Though, that was the one thing I saw on the beach in Hawaii, you know, and people who really have neglected their bodies. And at the same time going by in a zillion miles an hour, people swimming, and preparing for the, you know, the triathlete contests like the Ironman, which takes place in Hawaii and maybe the most famous will be the Ironman things.

Richard Moss 22:34

My wife, in fact, did a half Ironman when she was 50, which is nine years ago, and that’s pretty remarkable.

Candice Wu 22:43

Wow.

Richard Moss 22:44

So these are the two things that came up for me, which is embodiment is going toward love. But we always have to visit fear, there’s always fear there in everyone. And until we make the determination, we’re not going to sedate fear, with exercise or alcohol or any other way. I don’t mean there’s a time for escape, there’s a time for relaxing with a drink, there’s a time for everything like that. But there are times when you just have to learn to go to the place of fear, which always comes up in relationship, always.

Richard Moss 23:21

And plant a tree there and sit down for as long as it takes till the tree grows, and you begin to have a place of shelter in the midst of these very deep fears. Because we don’t leave behind patriarchy without a profound change of identity. We don’t leave behind the wounds of childhood. And I sure you could speak about this just as well as I could.

Richard Moss 23:50

Whether it’s, you know, because some of us had a wonderful childhood. But still there’s always an inherited trauma and ancestral trauma, of lack of real marrying and inability of our parents who are already formed in their own personality, psychological structure, and that coming into the ego is not coming into the me that we become as we go from birth or conception to, I guess, the ego solidly in place by 6, 7, 8 years old for most people.

Richard Moss 24:25

And then it’s going to continue to differentiate and most of us get lost in our heads. And we forget the body, we forget to feel, we forget to listen with our hearts in our bodies, moment by moment. And then we don’t have any foundation in anything that we really know. It’s, we don’t have a foundation of what’s really true. And that’s part of the challenge with what’s going on politically now.

Richard Moss 24:56

Trump, President Trump, he’s an exaggeration in such a high office of the challenge to embodied wisdom and the challenge even to reason. So those are the things that get stimulated in me, tell me something, you know for you, what is embodiment?

Candice Wu 25:24

It means to experience what is here in this present moment, and what comes from inside and out. And that, as you said, We must visit fear, it’s to experience all the different emotions that are coming up, all of the thoughts and sensations and images that come up and to see and sort out what’s an incomplete movement or experience from the past.

Richard Moss 26:06

Oh, well put, well put “in-complete”, that’s well put.

Candice Wu 26:11

Right. And to allow it to be here now, because it’s wanting completion. And so that fear of trauma on the past or what’s still stuck in so many places of patriarchy, as it lives in us, as it lives in society, and in each individual, it’s all that opportunity to look at and feel through what’s been incomplete.

Candice Wu 26:37

And I find that when it completes, we, that is a process of loving, to allow the completion to be with it, to sit with it. And then we also arrive back at love. Because what was before the trauma or the hurt or the wound, was a desire for love or connection or presence, that got disrupted by something else. But gives us the opportunity to love both what was underneath and what came to be. And so, yeah, I find embodiment is being with all of that. And allowing that sorting process of what is not me, what is ego? What is something that just was created meaning from an experience that just didn’t get completed?

Richard Moss 27:30

Okay, yeah.

Candice Wu 27:31

Yeah. And what is the presence of my being without that? What’s underneath that? What is the mark? The full experience of my being, which I believe is love.

Richard Moss 27:48

Yes.

Richard Moss 27:53

Some indigenous native people, when they hear something spoken, truth spoke, hard truth spoken, they go, “Oh, I used to lead sweat lodges, many sweat lodges years ago. And so I never trained with Native Americans. I sweated with one, high medicine man many times.

Richard Moss 28:15

So I didn’t ever try to pretend that I was Native American. My sweat lodges were rituals of grounding in the body, grounding in the heart. And we say things like, “Aho” and when I’m in a circle with people as it so often in small circles or large circles, I don’t necessarily ask people to say, “Aho”, but in my mind, sometimes I’m going, “Aho”, and just that we acknowledge each other, that we really hear something that spoke to us, and just to let someone know when you hear that.

Richard Moss 28:51

And two things came up when you’re speaking in particular, the word complete. And I agree with you, I think when we really dive into certain kinds of experiences, that we’ve lived but didn’t let come to completion or we left, let’s say, a residue of anger, or dissatisfaction or unhappiness, there is a moment, there is a work where you go back in and look and begin to look through different eyes, look through a different depth of consciousness, look through your heart, put your ears in your heart, your eyes in your heart, your memory, to be relived at the level of the heart.

Richard Moss 29:34

Again, the heart is a metaphor certainly not what a cardiologist is thinking about. And thoracic surgeon, cardio surgeon, the heart’s not a metaphor for them. Though, I think the great physicians and the great doctors and physician needs energy, life force energy. So, you know, the word doctor is I don’t know, that its origins take us really into what physic means which to be a physician, the great physicians are also poetic, they’re also mystic, they also have a heart.

Richard Moss 30:11

So, complete is relative, some things do get complete, but the journey to know ourselves is a beginningless and endless journey. And, you know, each stage of completion is just the portal to the next opportunity, the next invitation, I should say, to the wildness of the soul, to something, I don’t mean acting out wild, you know, like the wild child image, I mean, like the wildness of the soul, that wants to dance with love and is willing to risk, hurt, and fear, and mistakes and abandonment.

Richard Moss 30:48

And as one part gets completed, it gets complete because of a process of forgiveness, which means that you, you see through new eyes, and therefore the past becomes renewed, it becomes forgiven. And it’s endless. Forgiveness is truly endless.

Richard Moss 31:06

And not one thing at all, but a grace of virtue. And it’s you know, you never go to school and learn about forgiveness, because it’s not a curriculum, everyone can learn it, but it has to be transmitted. The things you can learn, that can be trained, and can be given to you at school are all for the left brain. They’re not for the heart, the things of a heart, forgiveness, and trust, and humility and compassion, and love. They have to be transmitted by people as we live deeper and deeper in each stage of life brings different capacities, different opportunities. So it’s an ongoing thing. It’s –

Candice Wu 31:47

Yeah, I appreciate that.

Richard Moss 31:50

It’s wonderful.

Candice Wu 31:52

I love the beginning with aspect to an endless, and it gives me the feeling. You know, we’ve been so trained to the left brain, we’ve been so trained to the mind, and conditioned to see our lives to that pathway. And that linear path of here’s where we begin. And this is where we want to end up. And this just opens it up completely, the beginningless and endless.

Candice Wu 32:20

It touches on the feeling that I had when I was an art teacher, that this is our unfolding artwork of our lives. That is who we are, and we’re with the beginning or end to be, there isn’t one. And this transmission you’re speaking of also flows in line with that feeling of it can go in any direction. And it’s in any moment. And as you’re speaking to this, Richard, I’m wondering, what’s the opening that you’re having now in your life? What’s the opportunity at this moment or the struggle or the piece of deepening that is emerging for you?

Richard Moss 33:05

Oh, wow. Well, very practical, we’ve been very concrete things. I do, we all do, at some level don’t realize how much we imagine a future and then borrow a sense of security from that future.

Richard Moss 33:23

And right now in my life, something’s happened. It’s taken what I thought was a padding of financial security, for example, specifically, and it’s gone. And with that, anything that I imagined that would mean, and what’s so amazing is that I understand that the part of me that would not have been ready for that without all these years of learning to come to this moment, this beginning, and not borrow identity and security from the future.

Richard Moss 34:01

So it’s very challenging, because it’s caused us to have to make very important decisions about where to live, sell a house, and the house we’re in was the family home for my wife for the past 11 years, she raised her three children, and she took over the parenting time of her ex-husband and raised his three children. She by herself, single-handedly, for every two weeks of the month had six children and the rest of the time her three children. And this is their family home. And so now we’re, we’ve had this house on the market recently and for Kathy, it’s wave after wave of letting go and surrendering and giving away attachment to the memories, not the reverence in the deliciousness of the memories. And for me, it’s watching her struggle with that, for me, it’s recognizing that what I thought was going to be a buffer for security that would take me into old age, we’re 13 years apart, an agent would give her something to rest in.

Richard Moss 35:08

The debt disappeared literally from one day to the next, the whole imagined future went away. And, it’s okay. It actually gives us a second acceleration in our loving of Love with each other, of our landing and third consciousness with each other. The third consciousness of our relationship, which is consecrated to love Love, which is that third is listening to us, it’s teaching me more about her. It’s teaching her about me. And as we listen to that intelligence of love, which is not a left-brain form of a rational, linear conceptual intelligence at all. But deeper and deeper moments of knowing and self-surrender.

Richard Moss 35:56

You know, we reach times where we’re looking at the practicalities and then forget the deeper vision and mission in our lives, the adjustment to things like that, the moving we’ve already done so much to prepare for a move.

Richard Moss 36:13

And the decisions we’re having to make now that are a radical change from what we thought would — we’d have to live just even a few months ago. And it was from one day to the next it was just a bad investment that someone did. And, but it was, you know, that’s where our vulnerability is.

Richard Moss 36:35

Now, fortunately, she’s healthy, I’m healthy, but you never know. You know, whatever imagined future any of us are unconsciously borrowing security from or a sense of continuity of identity in many ways, death can take it, loss can take it, illness can take it, financial ruin can take it. And so we do have to learn, to really rest and to source in ourselves, to feel the ground of our being, which is not just personal, but it is more, it’s transpersonal and personal simultaneously.

Richard Moss 37:16

And the living in the world and being not of the world as the Sufi says, “to live in the world, but not be of it”, is not a dichotomy or a splitting, or it’s not the old break between spirit and flesh, between personal and secular and religious. There actually an indivisible — the beginning of ourselves, which is always this present moment in our bodies aware, those two fundamental things that are divided so profoundly in human consciousness almost the way the brain is divided between the presence right-brain and the presenting through words and concepts left-brain.

Richard Moss 38:04

And the heart, as a metaphor for knowing, to our whole being in the body, very much inseparable from — the language then, if we use modern metaphors, the right brain, the heart, the body, that’s 95% of our intelligence. What we can Twitter and write on Facebook and write in books, other than poetic books, or you know, deep philosophical prose, we can do in music, which is so much the language of heart and mind, or can be profound.

Richard Moss 38:43

We are in a time of bridging, of having to bridge. We must bridge between these seemingly irreconcilable dichotomies and so that is the edge of where I am now. To know death is going to come, we all know that intellectually. But to die into love, in this moment, to just give away an identity from one moment to next. And a sense of hope, and a fantasy of who you are and how you live, that was there for me and for her and it’s just gone. Then it’s, you know, no one’s particular business how it happened, it’s just simply gone. And that, I don’t want to say it’s wonderful, but I would not be deepening as rapidly into heart and loving Love without that sudden surprise.

Richard Moss 39:47

But of course, living that it also makes me see how much climate change, the warming of our climate, the poisoning of our soil and air and waters that with all the diseases that are now, you know, escalating tremendously. Cancers, more and more of it and more and more rare forms of it.

Richard Moss 40:12

Even though our ability to treat cancer in some ways is improving. We’re not winning the war on cancer because we — to do that we have to clean up our environment, and our environments just getting more polluted with global warming. We are in a way, a sense of living in an imaginary future, and that global warming and climate change and pollution is going to take away from, not you and me, but all of us as it is already taken life away from, literally more creatures that become extinct in the last hundred years than it ever, before happened in history.

Richard Moss 40:49

I think this is called the sixth great extinction, only six previous times in those except for the big asteroid 66 million years ago, those other extinctions took tens of millions of years. Now it’s happening in hundreds of years and decades.

Richard Moss 41:08

So, we are robbing the future without realizing it, to protect the economic identities, not just of the wealthy. Everyone lives in some form of many layers of identity. And none of which is real, none of which is going to sustain us as we age or when these profound surprises come. Like, know, everybody that we think we understand what — this is happening every day.

Richard Moss 41:43

Think about the refugees, think about suddenly from having to — think about the people with the courage to get out of Honduras, and places that were, there are such criminality and violence, that this fear for their lives, they fear for their families, their children, and then they come to this country with hope, but they can’t get in, you know, because — and it’s not just our government or its particular policies, or one political party, or this president that makes it difficult. It’s all of us. Because we’re not creating a global identity. We’re not creating a society that can integrate people who — it’s not easy for them to be integrated, it’s not easy for us to integrate them. And yet, if you love Love, what else is there to do?

Richard Moss 42:30

And when someone says something stupid, like one of our, I think it was our secretary of state that said, “Well, with this global warming and people will move.”

Richard Moss 42:39

It’s ridiculous. Sure, if you could afford to move, you’ll move. But then people that can afford to move or move to the places that everyone needs to be. And those places will get so expensive that only the wealthy could be there, too. I mean, it’s so stupid. And you think of something like Chernobyl. Think about how, what really happened in Chernobyl.

Richard Moss 43:00

It was not just that a nuclear reactor broke down. It was that people stood on the bridge watching it happen. And every one of them died, the children, the mothers and fathers thinking the light was beautiful, the light show is beautiful, and that the snow of radioactive ash was like benign snow. And the rest of them that were further away, but still within a dangerous zone. They had a knock on their door, military people and they had to pack a bag in five minutes and walk out of their lives and they never went back. The future was taken.

Richard Moss 43:36

So you were talking much earlier about what happens when we start to clear the past. But when we clear the past, when we start to heal the past and forgive the past, we have to understand that by lending in our hearts, we’re creating a new future. And that future needs to be translated into behavior. And it needs to be translated into not being dependency, not having dependency on what we imagined will be the future. But creating a present moment that truly is obedient to nature.

Richard Moss 44:09

We are the first creatures that we know of, on this planet, and perhaps in the universe, with the capacity to consciously love Love. But our science is not about dominating nature, which of course, it has been about, not true science, but Applied Science, technologies at any level forever, have always been about control and dominance.

Richard Moss 44:34

We are now, though, capable with our science of understanding the enormous and measurable intricacy of nature and starting to consciously be obedient to nature. And if we don’t do that, nature will just slap us as if we were flea and it wouldn’t make it — doesn’t care.

Richard Moss 44:54

You know, this planet earth will continue in some form for billions of years, with life on it. And we’re at an incredible turning point. Everything we’ve done to make ourselves secure.

Richard Moss 45:09

I know I’m talking a long thing now. But this is what you know, I’ve known this before, but suddenly my future was taken away at a financial level. And then just like that, from one day to the next, and not my future to earn money, though I’m 72. And you know, maybe I have another 10 or 15 years of being able to share deeply with people and there’ll be some remuneration for that. But what I saved, received, what I gradually saved over, over a lifetime is gone. And that’s amazing. And it’s not a tragedy, not the least, it’s just the most amazing acceleration. Does that mean I have a bit apprehension? Very little, I’ve had very little fear. What tires me out is all the things that change requires then doing day to day, moment by moment. Very, that can get really tiring. It’s moving and organizing for moves and things like that are stressful. So there you go.

Candice Wu 46:22

Wow, I really appreciate you sharing this. And it’s really refreshing. When you said it’s amazing. Even though everything you’ve been saying is been about this deepening and your journey deepening in love, and this opportunity of what you thought would be there, the security you thought would be there. And how you’re receiving that as this grand experience. Not grand but very deep experience and opportunity to surrender in.

Richard Moss 46:56

Oh, yeah, on one level, really it sucks to be.

Candice Wu 47:00

Yeah.

Richard Moss 47:01

Use it, kind of colloquialism. But on another level, that doesn’t what which it sucks is really trivial. And the level in which the door is opening to love Love is even more so. But there is no security.

Richard Moss 47:20

It’s much you know, the teaching, the Buddhist teaching of Impermanence is so easy to roll off the tongue. But it is only impermanence. And whatever transitory security we have, by borrowing from a savings account, or the notion that I’m healthy, or I eat well, or, you know, I do all the right things or, you know. Yes. The only sure security is when you land deep in yourself. And you can land there with another and live that incredible vulnerability with others.

Richard Moss 48:04

The security is really the shared heart. The shared heart of humankind, the shared earthling nature of all of us. Look at our insanity, the resources under a foot belong to whoever lives above it, how insane? You know, it’s the level of insanity that we just take for granted.

Richard Moss 48:30

These massive cities that have grown up in, Qatar and Dubai, and so I cut, all based on energy dug up from the ground in a time in society and culture where we’re burning fossil fuels is what we need to make ourselves safe, comfortable, and so forth. And we’re really still just in a profound spiritual poverty, not that we’re less evolved than we used to be. I mean, in many ways we’re growing, but our population and our Applied Technology has so accelerated, the mistakes we were always making, there was always a price for security. And there always will be. The only true security is deep in your heart. And in your shared heart.

Candice Wu 49:28

That’s really touching me. There’s always a price for full security. And would that be the only security is deep in the heart and in the shared heart? Would that be how you describe intimacy?

Richard Moss 49:48

What a good question.

Richard Moss 49:55

A wonderful question. It’s a question that a woman would ask on a podcast called Embody.

Richard Moss 50:04

Well, yes. To love Love with another is profoundly intimate.

Richard Moss 50:11

In my particular character, it’s that level of intimacy is also profoundly sensual. If we take the word erotic and the word Eros, which is the larger word, the Greek word for love, it’s Erosic. It’s not you know, it’s not just erotic, but it is all that.

Richard Moss 50:33

It is making, literally, hear the words, “making love.” It’s like making bread, growing the grains, growing the plant, harvesting the grains, grinding the grains, making the dough, baking the dough, making bread. It’s making love.

Richard Moss 51:02

When your user in your heart, with your beloved with your eyes, in your heart, or in your heart with your beloved, she’s not just a woman. She’s all woman, she’s a mystery that has no beginning and end. Likewise, the man in the eyes of the woman.

Richard Moss 51:20

And though I can’t get inside Kathy’s eyes or any woman’s eyes, and whatever the truth of multiple lives, I don’t remember being a woman. I just for me, intimacy is all of that. It’s paying the bills. It’s raising the family. It’s understanding that the other is always truly other. And that deep inside of each of us is that which brings us together in the most profound way. And finding that togetherness with our bodies is the greatest joy. Oh my goodness! What a way to thank God for being born into human form with this consciousness.

Candice Wu 52:16

I just took a couple of deep breaths. Just, I agree with everything you said. And just in my whole body and my whole being. And it’s beautiful. Thank you for describing it through the way you feel it.

Richard Moss 52:30

Exactly. And the joy of it, to just absolute wonderment. I couldn’t have dreamed this life. I couldn’t have dreamed Kathy. I’ve told her that. I couldn’t have dreamed you. And whatever dream I had, I keep waking up into a more profound fullness, emptiness, mystery, richness that really beggar’s words, except baby and poetry.

Candice Wu 53:09

Thank you. Wow, there are so many things coming up in me. I just, I feel so much love at the moment. And how you’re describing your wonderment for life. And it’s really beautiful. I’m really grateful. I’m like, tears are almost here.

Richard Moss 53:30

It’s a direct proportion to the dark.

Candice Wu 53:36

Yeah. And just the way you’ve been talking about paying the bills. There’s such a sweetness to it. And I also feel the embracing of the dark of sometimes it’s not fun at all, or it sucks, or it’s hard.

Candice Wu 53:53

And it’s reminding me of being with horses lately. I love being with horses, and they’re just calling me and this indivisible world of spirit and heart and body is something that really shows itself to me through the horses. And I get that chance to be with the poop. The poop and the breathing there, you know, when they’re just next to me and breathing or when they walk away from me or when I desire something and notice it in me, you know, the pressure I’m putting on the situation. There’s just so much there that is right in front of me. And it helps me bring that into the rest of life.

Richard Moss 54:45

Yeah. And I close my eyes, try to imagine it.

Richard Moss 54:49

I’ve had only minimal contact with horses, but enough to know, intuitive intuitively, that the relationship you can have with the horse is profound, but it’s not cerebral. It’s not. It’s whatever is deeply grounded in us, in the moment.

Richard Moss 55:13

I, you know, and in our bodies at a felt level they can mirror and yes, of course, they require being cared for, now in nature, they required being cared for. But nature as it is, you know, our nature has enclosed nature and fence to nature. And it does it all the time, not just in the metaphor of the planes, and the fences and so forth.

Richard Moss 55:45

But yeah, I can see that the horse can teach us to rest in our bodies in the now. And in so doing, come into communion with the horse. And then our bodies become extended to the horse. And certainly to be. I mean, I’ve ridden horses, but never with the knowledge that I really knew what I was doing. It was always the utility to get into a remote place, to bring the packs in, for my soul in space, wilderness trips that I used to do, year after year in just different wildernesses, just taking people there to do consciousness work completely alone, you know, relatively unreachable. And those were my small experiences with horses. But I stood next to them. I’ve watched when a horse just notices you, when you’re looking, and when it really pays attention to you and when it walks over or doesn’t.

Richard Moss 57:01

So I have that intuition of what you’re speaking up.

Candice Wu 57:07

And some other things you were saying, Richard, I was thinking about what’s going on in Hongkong right now. With the extradition bill that China, well, that Hongkong, that the leader of Hong Kong wants to put in place, which and what I’m seeing with all the protests and the amount of love that I see in that, where so many Hongkongers may not be affected by this bill, or what happened five years ago, with the previous protest, but they’re being called to come out and speak up and say no, and —

Richard Moss 57:51

Say no to another offense.

Candice Wu 57:54

Yes, say no to another offense. Another idea that could create hurt –

Richard Moss 58:03

And repression –

Candice Wu 58:04

or someone that –

Richard Moss 58:05

Repression —

Candice Wu 58:05

Yeah.

Richard Moss 58:06

-of the souls urge to liberation.

Candice Wu 58:13

Yes. And you ask, what else is there to do about love Love.

Candice Wu 58:18

And I have, for myself, I’ve arrived at this place of, well, when I see something happening, when I feel something happening, allow myself to feel it and see what’s there for me, see what I’m compelled to do about it. But to really feel the power of my own awareness in myself as something that is doing something, not that that’s the point, but deepening in myself, has that impact.

Candice Wu 58:57

And there’s also the other part of me that’s like, ’Well, why do you do with that?”

Candice Wu 59:01

And there are a few ideas I have. But, I wonder if you have any thoughts about all these things that are happening in the world, in our country, and in the world. And you’ve spoken about the global community that we are and what do you do when you see something that really pains you in the world?

Richard Moss 59:28

Well, you feel it, you know, I feel it. I feel the sadness, the tears of pain, because I can make an argument through — an argument that is respectful of the soul, for why a law would be passed, in terms of creating order and boundary, which might then allow for a general movement of large populations toward something like less poverty, or, you know, certainly China has elevated so many people out of poverty, but the price we pay is always repression. And so the people, the action you have to take is to be unrepressed in your loving, but not, I don’t — what I mean by that is not — Oh. –

Richard Moss 1:00:39

The essence of non-violence in protest is love. It’s not — non-violence is a strategy it took. And it’s a result of an understanding, to become nonviolent inside of ourselves is the real work. So you have to do that. You have to learn to be nonviolent inside of yourself. And that’s so easy to say, but just watch your thoughts, and how violent they can be toward you. How violent they can be toward others, into a mild violence, you know, it doesn’t have to be insanely violent. But to just watch, and you get to know that part of you, that’s ugly. And, then you have to love that part of you that’s ugly. Because deep down, it’s trying to protect you deep down. It was a way of separating you from others. Because separating differentiation is endless. It can’t stop. And yet the one that we emerged from and the one we’re always in, is also endless and does not stop.

Richard Moss 1:01:39

So what do you do, is you listen to your heart, and then you act in the ways you can act right now.

Richard Moss 1:01:48

Does that mean that you, because you were born in Hongkong would fly to Hongkong and join the group? It could mean that. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if you decided to join that group just from an impulse that you felt in your heart, and then you noticed, “wow, it’s amazing!” There was a special sale, and I got this really low price ticket. And you know, and I went over there, and I was with people and all that happened was my heart open more and there was no enemy.

Richard Moss 1:02:19

And then, “wow!”

Richard Moss 1:02:22

That’s irresistible.

Richard Moss 1:02:25

It’s irresistible. It’s like a solvent. It’s like water, and the sugar cubes of even though they look like bricks that will you know, can’t dissolve, but the sugar cubes of identity, of political belief systems, of ideologies, of cultures themselves, because a culture beliberated a group of people, but it makes distrust and distance from a different group of people, and society overall, which is an attempt to assimilate many cultures. Can only do that by having deep principles that are very hard for anybody to really know.

Richard Moss 1:03:08

I mean to dream of democracy is just that. It is a dream. And it’s only as good as the consciousness of the people who live it. And right now, and it’s always been the case, always from the very beginning of this democracy or any experiment in democracy, we elect people according to our consciousness, and they run to seduce our consciousness at the level they believe we can be seduced with maybe fear or distrust. And the ones that are too ideal have told the ideal so high, are important, but they can’t truly, they can’t lead us politically.

Richard Moss 1:03:50

And the ones that are cynical in some ways, as many of the political leaders we have now, and so fear-based in the manipulation, they are successful because we want to be manipulated by fear, yet we haven’t planted a tree and fear. We haven’t sat down inside our fear, we haven’t sat down inside our own ugliness, and wait and silenced ourselves enough to allow the seed of love to grow in the vast fields of fear, and grow a new tree and then gradually nourish us. And so we transmute that fear. But that takes everything we’re talking about. And it takes a practice, a journey, it takes meditation, it takes every practice, it gets your energy flowing, it takes such tremendous honesty and transparency and vulnerability, and hard work. Like any composer, like anyone that becomes a neurosurgeon, like anyone that writes a book that took every ounce of their gifts and genius determination. It takes that kind of work on the part of every single human being to the best of their ability, every day.

Richard Moss 1:05:10

And it starts with listening to our conversations and the things we listen to that inspire us. And the action you take, then, is the one that’s right in front of you. And you take that, embodied, and in your heart, without hope, because it will always be hope for the wrong thing.

Richard Moss 1:05:27

The only hope is in your own commitment to love Love in yourself and with others. And, that’s the only hope. And to love Love, that’s transactional, that’s I love you if you love me even though we deny it often, you know, but in fact, is if you make me feel good, and then I’ll make you feel good. If you start to threaten now I feel well then, it’s your fault. I won’t look at why I feel threatened. I won’t go into my fears.

Richard Moss 1:05:57

And you can see the picture I’m painting, the picture that I think all awakened people have been painting forever, is that, you know, why it’s so, you know, it’s easier to pass a businessman through the eye of a needle or a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to enter the kingdom of heaven, by whatever name you want to call it.

Richard Moss 1:06:23

And all deep spiritual movements are radical, in the most positive sense of the words, they go to the root of who we really are. And, I can’t tell anyone what to do. I know what I’m doing right now in the phase of my life. I know what I, the minimal that I can do in terms of things like recycling or how I purchase and what I give my money to and things like that. That matter a little but collectively can matter a great deal.

Richard Moss 1:06:58

And unfortunately, the political movement doesn’t, no political movement gives us much choice. And right now maybe, in terms of air pollution and cutting back carbon production, a government such as China’s given the population of China, maybe actually more effective than a government like ours in the United States, because we are still per capita the number one or number two polluter and we are way, you know, China’s behind us, per capita.

Richard Moss 1:07:27

But we are no longer giving an example to the world at least at the level of the kind of the loudest noise that the media tends to attune to.

Richard Moss 1:07:42

There are millions of people working along the lines of what you and I are talking about, and in very practical and grounded ways, in so many ways. And there were millions of people who want to learn and are learning in the fields of science to revere this planet. And, that’s going on also.

Richard Moss 1:08:04

So the most important thing is if it hurts, feel the pain, don’t try to numb it. And if it’s saddening, feel the sadness, don’t try to numb it. Don’t make yourself special, don’t become self-involved, because you’re angry, or you’re sad, or you’re disillusioned. That’s all self-indulgence.

Candice Wu 1:08:31

Thank you.

Richard Moss 1:08:33

Well, I don’t know how long our listener would want to sit and listen. And I’m aware of the time, and it’s not because I have, you know, limited time now. It’s just simply in respect of a listener, maybe we should try to wind up.

Candice Wu 1:08:52

I think so. I think this is a perfect place.

Candice Wu 1:08:57

Richard, it’s been such an honor to have you here and to hear you speak and bring your transmission of who you are and what you’re interested in. And that’s really touched me and I feel a shift in me. Even with just this hour of conversation with you and such a gift.

Richard Moss 1:09:20

Thank you. I mean, truly, thank you.

Candice Wu 1:09:23

Truly.

Richard Moss 1:09:25

It’s what we’re here for.

Candice Wu 1:09:27

Yeah.

Richard Moss 1:09:28

My wife says, “Is there a better game in town? Is there anything you’d rather?

Candice Wu 1:09:35

Not for me.

Richard Moss 1:09:36

And not for me?”

Candice Wu 1:09:39

Thank you so much. Is there anything else you’d like to say or leave things with here?

Richard Moss 1:09:45

Well, just in terms of, perhaps you can say but just in terms of, you know, I’m 72 as many people as I can reach in my work, which is very experiential, and really teaches people that is it, there’s a transmission and a teaching that is about what we’ve been talking about and how to live it.

Richard Moss 1:10:06

And so I have my YouTube channel, you know, these just short videos I put up every month, and I have a Facebook, beginning to post on Instagram, but also I have my retreats, which people can find at my website which is, www.richardmoss.com.

Richard Moss 1:10:29

And I work with people individually through Zoom or Skype, or they come to visit me and I work with them with my wife. And we work with couples, a tremendous opportunity for couples because I think when two people live this, it’s a much faster path than when one person lives it.

Richard Moss 1:10:50

And there’s always third consciousness, whether you live in a monastery, there’s still God in whatever form you imagine. God becomes your third and there’s always community of some kind. But when two people, really, side by side want to live this, it’s profound.

Richard Moss 1:11:11

So you know, I know just a tiny bit about you from what we said before we recorded so I just say, I hope you get to share this in your life with someone, anyone.

Candice Wu 1:11:25

Thank you, I believe I do, with a couple of people actually. And this couples experience sounds right up our alley. All of it does. And also Richard, you have, is it eight books now?

Richard Moss 1:11:44

Seven, but they’ll be an eighth sooner or later. I think I’ve had a little more time with, I know there will be a book about third consciousness in relationship, probably a short book. And something about really, what it means to stop borrowing from the past or the future. Stop. No. Outgrow that and land here because that’s where we have a truly new future. So that’ll come —

Candice Wu 1:12:22

The word borrow.

Candice Wu 1:12:24

Yeah, that’s great. I can’t wait to read both of those.

Richard Moss 1:12:30

I don’t know that.

Candice Wu 1:12:30

It’s like so poignant.

Richard Moss 1:12:32

Yeah, I don’t know, I wrote a book that I think is good a book about the weaving of psychology and spirituality together called them on our being that was my next to the last book. And then I realized, it could make the methodology of that book a little simpler, and speak about a few things in briefly.

Richard Moss 1:12:53

In my last book, Inside-Out Healing, and those books are both in print and not hard to find on Amazon. Our online through — basically online. The other books, there’s, you know, people find them, The Black Butterfly, The I That Is We, meaning the capital “I” that is we, which was my very first book, which was published, I guess, in 81, or 82, something like that. And, when I was a little younger than you are now. So it’s been a long journey. And –

Candice Wu 1:13:33

Wow!

Richard Moss 1:13:33

Thanks for mentioning the books.

Candice Wu 1:13:35

Absolutely.

Richard Moss 1:13:36

But there’s also, there’s this, for in terms of a simple methodology for mindfulness, for really deepening and meditation and presence, there’s free e-courses on my website.

Richard Moss 1:13:48

And in fact, I’m talking to someone from the Netherlands soon, whose husband, for her birthday present, give her a session with me and she’d been practicing these, the free e-course, it’s based from the Mandala of what I call, the Mandala of Being. It’s based on that methodology of recognizing thoughts coming back to the present moment.

Candice Wu 1:14:16

So beautiful, the connections that you’re having with it.

Richard Moss 1:14:22

Yeah, it is so beautiful.

Candice Wu 1:14:24

Thank you.

Richard Moss 1:14:25

It is so beautiful.

Candice Wu 1:14:26

Yeah, it really is.

Richard Moss 1:14:29

But you know, I’m gradually, you know, the complainer inside of me is got a comfortable position nearby, but doesn’t take the microphone of my heart and soul, a voice for feeling very much and all these different parts have come to understand. They’re all welcome inside of me, every one of them. And, they all serve me, and they’ll serve all of us. It just as you say, we just outgrow and we come to completion in terms of not the end of those voices, but the end of their power in us.

Candice Wu 1:15:12

A harmony within all the parts within.

Richard Moss 1:15:14

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:15:15

And a love that holds them all.

Richard Moss 1:15:16

Yes. And everything I’m saying comes from thousands of hours of wanting to go deeper, gradually, slowly, intermittently in the early years, and then deeper. And because I’ve been a teacher, it was a perfect way, retrospect, to create an environment for learning for me, as well as for the others.

Candice Wu 1:15:46

We’re alike in that, in me being a teacher as well and also supporting people in their healing or in their journey the same way. I read something where you said that it’s about finding the teacher within and the chance that I got to get as well, that sounds like you’ve gone very deep and it’s bringing this joyful conversation here.

Candice Wu 1:16:16

Thank you so much, Richard. And I wishing you the best.

Candice Wu 1:16:19

You’re very welcome, Candice. Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:16:22

Thank you, blessings to you on your journey of loving and may that continue in all its forms.

Richard Moss 1:16:30

I received that. Thank you. And I know that what you’re saying is also back to you.

Candice Wu 1:16:41

Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:16:46

This conversation was expansive for me. And I deeply appreciate Richard the way that you speak so vulnerably and eloquently. And it feels that you are living in your experience of what you say and what you offer.

Candice Wu 1:17:04

If you’re listening and you enjoyed this, be sure to check out in the next couple of days, the meditation that Richard is offering. I was delighted with the softness that he offers and brings forward in the meditation and the ways that he described the quality of our awareness and giving space to notice parts of ourselves and what we might name those parts of ourselves.

Candice Wu 1:17:29

It’s a lovely healing experience and meditation. So check that out at CandiceWu.com/richardmoss or subscribe to the podcast and it will drop into you in a couple of days.

Candice Wu 1:17:43

It hasn’t left me yet that I want to visit him and his wife and just spend time with them, and see how they live, experience what comes up. Sounds fascinating and like a lovely experience. So, if that compels you as well, feel free to check his work out at richardmoss.com.

Candice Wu 1:18:02

Everything’s linked in the show notes as usual. So you can find that on my website. And also be sure to check out other healing experientials, meditations, topics on the podcast around self-love, awareness, healing, and embodiment all CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 1:18:23

Also, if you feel inspired to stay updated with upcoming retreats, events, stuff about Horse Constellations and meditation, also the updates on my travels and other podcasts, you can sign up for my monthly newsletter at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:18:42

It has been lovely to have you here today. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you very much, Richard, for all of your insight and the years of connecting in with loving for yourself and those around you. And with that, I’ll leave you with a quote by Richard, “That love brings us as close to source as we can be.”

Candice Wu 1:19:04

See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

Candice Wu 0:00

Today’s meditation is brought to you by Richard Moss, who is a teacher of consciousness and love.

In this meditation, touch into the quality of your awareness, your presence, and your being.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

If you haven’t already listened to the introductory podcast with Richard Moss, it’s a beautiful episode around intimacy, planting a tree and fear, relationships as a way to accelerate loving Love, that embodiment is a beginningless and endless journey. And the question if you love Love, what else is there to do? Find all that at CandiceWu.com/richardmoss.

It’s with great pleasure and delight that Richard has offered to share this beautiful meditation here today, and here it is.

Beginning With Richard

Richard Moss 1:35

I’m Richard Moss, and I’m very honored to be making this contribution of a guided meditation to Candice Wu’s really very excellent Embody Podcast.

Before going any further, let me just caution you that the best way to listen to this is to be seated or lying down comfortably. And it would really be a mistake, and you shouldn’t try to be doing anything athletic or driving a car, anything where your attention really doesn’t need to be, on what I’m about to share with you.

So the meditation I’m about to guide you in is really at the very heart of what it means to be present. And what the practice of meditation actually is, as you begin to deepen into it more and more.

There are just several simple and yet very profound foundations for what I’m about to share with you.

Foundations of our Aware Self: There’s Only Now

The first is, to our aware self, to our presencing self, there is only the present moment, there is only now.

And without going into all the ways in which we are taken from the now and why that’s important, but also why it’s the source of, pretty much all mind-made suffering, let us simply say that, when we’re talking about being in the now, we’re talking about actually deepening into a part of you, which we can call by many names, the aware self is what I call it, and it’s not a thing, so it’s more a process.

It can also be called the witnessing self, the witnessing process. And there are levels and depth to which we become not only the witnesses, but at one with the experience that we’re witnessing as we deepen.

So the first premise, there’s only now.

The Law of the Present Moment

The second premise is that in this moment, the way that you touch or experience anything depends on the way you are touching it, that is the way you are bringing your awareness to it.

So for example, if there’s fear or fearful sensations, if you bring awareness to it, that is a more basic kind of ego awareness, it’s about survival and feeling good. And you’re going to want a sensation, like fear or feeling like fear to go away. So you’re touching it with rejection. And so the fear, in essence, rejects you and it gets more intense, becomes more distressing. And if you bury it with activity or any way in which you can displace fear, without actually getting to know fear, all it does is it works in your subconscious mind and it comes back always, again and again.

So the second premise, how you touch is how you’re touched. This is the law, I call it the Law of the Present Moment.

So if you touch with a soft awareness, fear will become softer. If you touch a sensation of unsafety softly, it will get softer. If you touch anger softly, it will melt and become aliveness, potentially even stillness.

As you touch the present moment with your awareness, with the quality, and the purity, the clarity of your attention, so you experienced that present moment, and it’s true of every aspect, everything that happens in the present moment. And of course, it presupposes that you’ve developed enough of an aware self, that you’re choosing a relationship in the moment that is new, with every feeling, every emotion, and with your thinking process itself.

So those two basic foundational premises, it’s only now how you touch this moment with the quality of your attention is how you experience this moment emotionally, at the level of sensation in your body and in every other way in terms of what kind of thoughts it generates or whether you move into stillness and spaciousness.

Who You Are

In that sense, the third premise, and it could have been in a different sequence, is that who you really are, who any of us really are, is beginning again, over and over in this moment, who we are, who you are, begins right now and is determined by how much awareness you have, and the quality with which you bring that awareness to the immediacy of your experience.

Let’s Begin

So, I suggest you sit comfortably or lie down. Close your eyes. If you’re lying down, you need to know that you’re a person who can stay awake through a guided meditation. In fact, from my point of view, even if you fall asleep, that may be exactly what you need, if you drift off into another space between waking and sleeping.

So the first thing is, the body is always in the now, even in the depth of sleep, your breathing, body’s functioning even though there’s no remembered consciousness, there’s just a kind of absence of any kind of experience that we would usually call conscious awareness.

So the body is always in the now and breathing. It’s like a sine wave. It’s like a wave from the first inhalation at birth to the final exhalation at death, the breathing never stops. It just changes according to the demand we place on ourselves for oxygen or emotional state, where our breathing can get very shallow and very fast.

There are many centering practices are about learning to slow your breathing down. Of course, if you’re going to slow your breathing down, you also have to have awareness of your breathing.

Breath Awareness

And in this meditation, we’re not going to control breathing in any way. All that you’re going to do is bring your conscious, witnessing self and bring it, enjoy it with your breathing.

The breathing’s been with you all your life, it’s accompanied you through anguish and joy, every moment of your life, you could think of it as a friend that’s never abandoned you and never will all your life.

And then you can think of your aware self, which is the liberating power of your consciousness. And I’m actually going to try to show you how it liberates in this meditation. That aware self now, just let it rest with your breathing, like a friendship who, timeless, wonderful friends are meeting.

So we now have what we can call breath awareness. Just feel that, feel that friendship, don’t manipulate yourself to feel something special. But I often say for me, it’s just like a soft smile, resting my aware self process with the breathing in my body.

Let’s begin to bring that breath awareness to a place where there is an obvious sensation. So, assuming that you’re breathing through your nose. Bring your breath awareness into your nose, into the last half-inch or centimeter or two of your nose, experience the sensation, not just a spectator looking at it but moving into the sensation with your breath awareness.

Now, just to create a contrast, let’s do the same thing. Bring your worst self resting with your breathing into what we mean when we use the word feet, into your feet. A baby doesn’t have feet as a place of sensation without a name, that’s why babies are so close to the depths of, what in some contexts could be called the kingdom of heaven, but by whatever name, the babies in an awakened state and doesn’t know it but right now and bring your aware breathing process into the sensation in your feet.

Now come back to your nose. They are going in. Notice how it feels cooler. The tide of the air coming out, it’s warmer.

Notice

Let’s begin to notice something. Because what I’m inviting you to do, which is the foundation of many starting points for meditation. But this activity of witnessing in your body with your breath, with your awareness and breath is no real interest to the ego-self unless he thinks he can do something with it, unless he turns it into a competition and things, I’ll be really good at this. I make myself good at this. Or, unless he judges it as nothing worthwhile and people just stop, they quit.

In fact, this is a really no interest to your ego and so the mind will wander, and rather than what is often said to you, just bring your mind back to the breathing.

First, just appreciate the genius of the ego, in itself preservation, it’s going to take you to something that interests it, like worrying about something, or planning something or revisiting some situation and thinking about how you could have done it differently, on and on. But that’s what’s really interesting to that part of you and all of our ego minds.

So when you see that, just appreciate that’s the genius of the ego-mind and then choose, come back to the breath awareness and your nose purposeless from the point of view “the ego”.

Now bring the awareness to your lower legs, from your knees to lower legs, your ankles, into your feet. Just bring that witnessing consciousness there.

Let’s begin to give some qualities to this witnessing consciousness and this is the essence of the practice of how you touch.

Just imagine, sense that as you breathe presencing with your breath awareness in your lower legs, you’re doing so with gentleness, breathing innocence of gentleness and curiosity.

What’s here?

So you start to feel sensation and feel molten swirling clouds tingling. It’s like colors with different tones or music with swirling sounds. It doesn’t mean anything to the ego so it will lose interest pretty quickly. But you’re building a muscle now, the most important one of all, which is the muscle of your aware self.

Let’s come back and bring the attention, this gentle, curious, witnessing, presencing back into your nose.

How precise can you notice the sensations without forcing, with gentleness, with curiosity?

And as if you’ve never done this before, as if it’s the first time ever. That’s like a thought experiment to bring gentle receptivity to the sensation and your nose, as if for the first time.

And of course, there’s a part of you that remembers doing this even a few minutes ago as I’ve been guiding you.

Remembering and Evaluation

In fact, all the time, there’s a part of us that’s remembering what was just a little before, long before, days, months, years before. And the ego can only make something have meaning by comparing it to something else. So a basic function of the ego-mind, of the little mind is to create a contrast of what the what is of the moment, actual sensation in your nose right now with something remembered. And as soon as there’s remembering this evaluation and that evaluation says this is good or this is not good, this is positive or not so positive. This is pleasing or not pleasing. This is satisfying, this is dissatisfied, that’s inherent in the minute there’s the past and comparison.

So now bring your breathing awareness to your hips and your bottom, and your upper legs. Curious, gentle, relaxing, comparing, relaxing, keeping this some sort of meaning to any kind of memory swifts as if for the first time.

All the way from your hips and bottom, your upper legs, your lower legs to your feet, breathing into that part of the body, Those words are representations of gentle, curious as if for the first time.

So we were in the basic level of mind, not only do we have to make meaning by some form of comparing, by remembering something from the past, which means that nothing is ever really new, or now. But there’s also a movement into the future. We want to do this well, for example, now, maybe want to not have to do it or not do it at all, want to get better at it.

But understand, there’s always a quality of anticipation of the future, wanting an outcome, wanting a result. So what is this experience now, breath awareness. Your bottom and lower legs already your feet if you released wanting.

But no one can do it. Because you’re not really meant to, you have to be able to see the wanting self which is always there and turning everything you do into concern with whether it will get you to where you want to go or whether it will take you a place you don’t want to go.

Choosing a space for your wanting self always leaning toward the future, off to one side, not the other side, as if for the first time, curious, gentle, wanting to be left to one side comparing off to the other side, in your big mind.

And your worse self just getting stronger, softer. Now you have the idea. Whatever we mean when we use the word body, means breath awareness is witnessing consciousness that’s resting with your breath.

Bring it into your whole body. Sensing in your whole body. Noticing where there is brighter colors or sharper sensations, duller colors, or no sensation with the music seems off, caustic or the music is soothing in different parts of the body, different, subtlety different sensations or obviously different sensations.

If there’s a pain, that’s a strong sensation. Bring this aware self breath awareness witnessing consciousness with curiosity and gentleness without wanting. Nobody heals because they want to heal and they have set an intention for healing. But healing comes as to deeper consciousness when all forms of comparing and all forms of wanting just gone away.

And suddenly there is a new, deeper connection to yourself and sometimes that brings a new frame for understanding. We call that forgiveness. What brings us sensation, unpleasant sensation, or an opening of a door into a new perspective that you couldn’t have asked for.

In your whole body just breathing, aware, presencing, and practicing sitting, wanting to one side, your big mind comparing to another place off to the side in your big mind.

Bringing to Closure

This is a wonderful starting point and I’m going to suggest we stop now. Take a really deep breath, full-body breath, stretch the belly in the lungs to full capacity and then let the air out much further out than you normally would.

Big sensation comes into the body and you open your eyes.

If I have a chance to journey with you again, the next step will be to start to visit in this way, sensations like fear, sensations like dissatisfaction and unsafety.

Because the whole work of love and learning to love is to learn to sit down in those dimensions, those places of fear and dissatisfaction and instead of believing what your mind tells you about them, get to know them in the immediacy of your worse self presencing and you’ll drop deeper and deeper gradually, slowly, freeing yourself of what the mind creates when there’s fear or pain or need.

By need, I mean mind-made needs, not the deeper need.

It’s been a pleasure to be with you. Thank you.

Closing

Candice Wu 27:40

And as you shift from this meditation that Richard has offered, feel free to tune into anything your body needs here as you transition, connect with what resonated for you, perhaps which you’d like to carry with you throughout the day.

And we’ll leave you with a little bit of music here today as you continue to shift.

Again, feel free to check out the podcast with Richard Moss is fantastic and just as good as the meditation or better. That’s at CandiceWu.com/richardmoss and also feel free to check out other podcasts, meditations and healing experience at CandiceWu.com/meditations as well as other podcasts at CandiceWu.com/podcast. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is with psychologist Bianka Hardin, who is a friend, colleague, and previous supervisor. In this episode, Bianka shares her journey into developing more safety and enjoyment in her life, as well as exploring personal agency, how we can get in our own way, and the body-centered and relational model of NARM which is the NeuroAffective Relational Model.

Candice Wu 0:25

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:38

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations, and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:59

This episode is supported by the Embodied Healing Group call which is a once a month call where you can get support for soul, body, heart, and spirit. This is a transformative way to both receive healing support at a lower cost than individual sessions, gain the support of others in a loving compassionate experience, as well as support the podcast.

Candice Wu 1:22

In each online call you’ll receive transformative tools in moving through your emotions, tuning into your intuition, and developing your empowerment in your body wisdom, as well as clearing limiting beliefs through your entire being, and opening up your soul, body, and heart to what you want to explore and what you desire in your life. I love these groups because we just open up to the magic of your being, to show us what’s needed. You can find all the information for this on Patreon at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 1:56

So this is really fun, to have Bianka on the show. Bianka really taught me how to live the experience of self-care and to be congruent with the words that I say about self-care, in my life and in my workplace.

Candice Wu 2:11

So I worked with Bianka at Centered Therapy Chicago for about two and a half years as a holistic psychotherapist, and this was just a wonderful place for me to develop my early skills in combining all the different modalities of what I was offering. So, it’s always a little off the beaten path and on the fringe of healing work and psychotherapy. And Bianka just gave me all this trust for me to find my voice, combining family constellations, combining somatic therapies, and indigenous practices as well as Yoga and Ayurveda and just all the different ways that I connected energetically and spiritually. So I really wanted to have her on the show, and talk about her and celebrate her as well.

Candice Wu 3:01

She’s a licensed clinical psychologist and the owner of Centered Therapy Chicago, and she has the mission to help children, adolescents, and adults improve their mental health and quality of life. And she also presents in the community on issues related to parenting, child abuse prevention, self-care, mindfulness, trauma stewardship, and cultural issues. She enjoys working with clients who are in the mental health field, who could benefit from getting additional support in the important work they’re doing, who perhaps are struggling with vicarious trauma or burnout, and who are interested in receiving case consultation or support in their professional development.

Candice Wu 3:40

As we jump into this interview, I want to share that Bianka has an experiential of NARM, the NeuroAffective Relational Model coming up this week and that is connected with this episode. And you can find her entire episode and the experiential at CandiceWu.com/bianka. Okay, so without further ado, let’s welcome Bianka to the show.

Candice Wu 4:08

Bianca, it’s wonderful to have you on the show today. I wanted to just start out with our unique and synchronous story of coming into each other’s lives at different points. I think our first point of contact was you walking into my Yoga class where your son goes to school –

Bianka Hardin 4:26

Yes!

Candice Wu 4:27

And then I babysat for your son. And that was –

Bianka Hardin 4:30

Yes.

Candice Wu 4:30

We got to know your family –

Candice Wu 4:33

and then maybe we had some distance for some time, and later I found out you were, well, at that time, I found out you were a professor at faculty member at the Chicago School.

Bianka Hardin 4:33

Yeah

Bianka Hardin 4:45

Right.

Candice Wu 4:45

And then I was studying psychology, and when I got out of school, we just happen to have tea and you just happen to need another therapist in your practice. And I was like, me!

Candice Wu 5:00

I would love this. And the timing was just so beautiful.

Bianka Hardin 5:04

Yeah.

Candice Wu 5:05

Yeah. So just wanted to share these pieces of our story and how I know you, and how I’ve come to love and appreciate you as a friend, as a colleague, and as a supervisor at Centered Therapy Chicago, where you have your private practice as a psychologist, and one of the biggest things of my connection with you is loving myself and appreciating myself by treating myself with care. And you know, that’s a big thing that you speak to. So welcome to the show, Bianka.

Bianka Hardin 5:39

Thank you. Well, I wanted to add one more piece to our puzzle.

Candice Wu 5:43

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 5:45

I don’t know if you remember. But I started attending meditation classes at Meditate Chicago –

Candice Wu 5:52

Oh yeah.

Bianka Hardin 5:53

I went for a class and I ran into you there –

Candice Wu 5:56

That’s right!

Bianka Hardin 5:58

We reconnected and I said, come over to my space for tea. Let’s talk about what you’re doing in your life.

Candice Wu 6:05

That was magical. That was so fun.

Bianka Hardin 6:08

Yes –

Candice Wu 6:10

That’s right.

Bianka Hardin 6:13

One thing that I often do is, we can call it a prayer or asking the universe, but I often say, you know, show me the right people, show me the right space, show me how to make a difference in people’s lives, the community in the world.

Bianka Hardin 6:30

So I had been like saying those blessings or prayers, and so I really trust that when people come in, it’s not just by chance. It’s actually God or the universe’s way to kind of say, she’s right here.

Candice Wu 6:30

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 6:30

You know, why don’t you ask Candice to work for you? And I think I asked you to work for me in that same team meeting?

Bianka Hardin 6:54

I think so. I was desiring the same thing –

Bianka Hardin 6:59

Yeah.

Candice Wu 7:00

That is another thing that I love about you. And what I’ve learned from you, is that trust, and trusting in the universe and trusting in the right things showing up. And there it was, it felt so right.

Bianka Hardin 7:01

Yeah.

Candice Wu 7:04

Thank you.

Bianka Hardin 7:15

Yeah. No, it’s beautiful. One of the classes that I took from Andrew at Meditate was a kind of a visualization meditation course. Where you can visualize what you want in your life, and then it manifests. It’s so beautiful. So, I feel like I often am praying for kind of that vision or that guidance, or just to kind of show me what will work for me or what I need, or the right answer. It’s beautiful. And so when it happens, you can just feel it in your gut. You know, this is –

Candice Wu 7:52

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 7:52

so right. You know, it’s beautiful.

Candice Wu 7:55

Yeah, there’s a knowing. And it’s so beautiful because it’s this unfolding of aligned things coming in your life. Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 8:06

Yeah. It’s nice to reconnect with you, on your podcast. It’s such an honor to speak with you and I often listen to your podcast while I’m on vacation. I walk by the lake or the beach, and I listened to your beautiful podcasts, and they’re so inspirational. So, thank you for having me on today.

Candice Wu 8:25

Oh, thank you. That’s so sweet. It’s wonderful to have you. I wanted to start off with a question about you, on your journey now. You know, we’ve talked about our coming together at different times, and the right points in our lives. I am curious, what this conversation together, you know, unfolds. But also, where are you in your life journey now and what is interesting for you now?

Bianka Hardin 8:56

Well, I feel like I’m someone who has so many things popping, you know. A lot of things happen at once for me, and I get really excited and inspired by so many things. So, I would say that I’m really inspired by my own personal healing and the potential for healing. As I do my own work, it just opened my eyes up to the power of healing work that we all are doing or could be doing. And how that could just really improve the world, in terms of changing generational patterns of trauma, of hurt, of anxiety, of relational difficulties, and it’s been really neat. Just kind of peeling off the layers of my own, I guess defenses, or protective strategies to kind of uncover what’s underneath from that, has been really inspiring for me.

Bianka Hardin 10:04

And so, I’ve been really thinking about intergenerational legacies of trauma, developmental trauma, social, historical, political trauma. And kind of thinking about me being half-German and half-Southern, and what influences have led to where I’m at today? My own self-care, as a therapist, how do I take care of myself so that I can be the best therapist that I can be in this moment? So, those are a few things that are on my mind lately.

Candice Wu 10:43

Mm-hmm. That’s really exciting. So, what have you found in terms of being half-German and half from the South that does influence your pathway, or what you’re working with now?

Bianka Hardin 10:58

It’s been really interesting. So my mother’s side is German, and my father’s side is from South Carolina. I’ve always been super curious about, you know, their childhoods. Where did they come from? What’s the family’s story? Lots of questions, right? And I wondered, am I so curious because people aren’t talking about things? Like, as if I need to investigate what my roots and my heritage is.

Bianka Hardin 11:33

And so, I found myself teaching a class called “Intergenerational Legacies of Trauma and Post World War II Germany” at The Chicago School with my dear friend and colleague, Dr. Pam Niesluchowski, and we teach on campus, and then we go to Germany for 10 days. It’s as if I’m learning about myself through this class because we haven’t discussed it in my family. There are certain things that we don’t talk about that, as the message. We don’t talk about what happened before that might be too difficult, or I kind of grew up with a message that if things become emotional, you know? Let’s just not talk about that.

Bianka Hardin 12:16

So I think my way of figuring out who I am, is through this journey of teaching this class. And going over to Germany, visiting historical sites, and really understanding that. In the class, we also go to a family constellations workshop and do an experiential with that. And I’ve been learning about how the things are talked about that aren’t unexpressed or all in me.

Bianka Hardin 12:48

Somehow, I’m holding on to things that maybe, it wasn’t safe to explore because of actual safety issues. And now that I’m, kind of, in a safer environment, I’m having access to all these intense feelings. One thing that I’ve learned is that I’m intensely fearful. I have a lot of worries about my own personal safety or the safety of my family. I just thought that was normal, you know?

Candice Wu 13:20

Well, you wouldn’t know anything different, right? Like, this is what you felt.

Bianka Hardin 13:26

Exactly.

Candice Wu 13:26

All your life, right?

Bianka Hardin 13:27

Or, you know?

Bianka Hardin 13:27

You mean, you haven’t figured out the escape route out of it in case the building goes on fire?

Candice Wu 13:35

Like, this is the way you thought everyone experienced it?

Bianka Hardin 13:38

Right? I would see women walking at night with headphones on or jogging and I’m like, “Oh, no! That ain’t safe, you know?” I thought at all times, something could happen to me. And for me, I guess I thought that was my NARM. But, what that really resulted in is a lot of hyperarousal and a very activated nervous system. I started learning this more through Somatic Experiencing, and through the NeuralAffective Relational Model and kind of thinking like, wow, I actually don’t feel safe. I’m not trustful for others. My whole life, I thought I trusted people, you know? I’ve learned that this distrust is not there.

Bianka Hardin 14:27

And so I think, it’s been really enlightening to figure out the depth of this lack of safety that I carry around with me on a daily basis. And how freeing it’s been through my work with SC and NARM and family constellations. I was just on a road trip. I actually was enjoying the ride, instead of thinking of all the ways the car could veer off the road.

Candice Wu 14:56

Right. So glad you experienced that.

Bianka Hardin 15:02

Yeah!

Candice Wu 15:03

Makes such a difference.

Bianka Hardin 15:05

Yeah. When people told me they loved writing and they enjoyed the ride, I always thought, I don’t get that at all. I don’t understand that.

Candice Wu 15:13

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 15:13

And actually, it was happening to me. I’m thinking, “This is amazing!” This country is so beautiful. The landscape is so beautiful. And I just felt this sense of safety. That’s kind of a newer feeling for me, you know? I feel emotional just touching into that.

Candice Wu 15:31

It’s beautiful. You could experience what was around you with appreciation, and feel safe in it.

Bianka Hardin 15:38

Exactly. Yeah. So, I think I’ve just been really curious about German history, German-American history, and history of the Holocaust. And then, I’ve been very curious about Southern history, and slavery, and issues of race and racism. It’s not an obsession for me. It’s just like an intense curiosity and wanting to know, and learn more. And explore the topics that have been taboo in my family, you know? That we don’t talk about.

Candice Wu 16:11

Yeah. I mean, do you feel like that’s connected with this sort of innate desire to know the truth? To know the story?

Bianka Hardin 16:20

I think so. I mean, I think I have a deep curiosity about the truth and people’s stories, my own story, right? Why did this happen? Why were people so hateful to one another? How could this level of violence occur? What leads to that or what allows that in a society to happen?

Bianka Hardin 16:47

I just really want to know, and so I find myself going to historical sites and reading novels or historical fiction that really helped me better understand that. And it can be really deeply painful at times to open those doors and look in. But I also feel like, that’s also a way of honoring people on what happened in our history. We can’t just pretend these things didn’t happen when they did. And I think that’s really important. And I think that’s what’s really missing in the United States. This deep curiosity about how did this happen? Why did this happen? How is it still occurring? And it seems like there’s this desire to close the door on that and just move forward, and not look backward.

Bianka Hardin 17:38

Whereas in Germany, when I visited, there’s lots of historical markers and an acknowledgment of this history that is so intensely painful. There’s a lot of shame there, at least, that’s what I experienced growing up. My mother was born right after World War II. We don’t talk about that, and it doesn’t feel good to talk about it. But now there are lots of markers and places to visit. And there’s this acknowledgment of the history which I think is really healing.

Candice Wu 18:07

I think that’s very healing and I experienced that, too, when I was in Germany in December of last year. I got to see part of the wall. And that’s not exactly the topic of what you’re speaking of, but just to even see that experience of peace of the Berlin Wall and to see that honored as part of the history, I thought that was very interesting.

Bianka Hardin 18:33

Yeah.

Candice Wu 18:34

Yeah. Just very honoring of the experience of people that are in the roots of this country.

Bianka Hardin 18:41

And that is part of what we explore in the class, the legacy of the wall and what happened before, during, and after the wall, and how that impacts people. The experience of immigration and how immigrants have been treated historically. All of that goes into passing down legacies of trauma or resilience and healing, you know?

Candice Wu 19:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like when we put mistrust or distrust, or safety issues, or fears in the context of the whole lineage, somehow for me, they make sense to my life. It’s like, oh, there’s a context for where this made sense in the past. Where it was a reality and it can release me of what’s being held in me now. How do you experience it?

Bianka Hardin 19:38

Yeah, I mean. I think that through some work that I’ve done, there was a story that was really enlightening to me where I was at a NARM training and outside of the training, there was a hiking area. I really like being outside. I love walking. Even though I have fears of something happening, I don’t let that get in the way of me actually doing things.

Bianka Hardin 20:05

So, I remember I wanted to find this hiking trail. It was Warrenville near Naperville, a “safe, suburban area.” I recognized I had intense anxiety about going hiking on this trail by myself. And I’m like, sure, just do it. You know, probably nothing’s going to happen to you.

Candice Wu 20:35

Probably.

Bianka Hardin 20:36

Yeah, probably. I couldn’t find the path. So I turned around and ran into a fellow trainee. I said, “Oh, are you looking for the trail?” And she said, “Yes.” I said, “Oh, can we look together? I can’t find it.” She’s like, “That would be great. I would be afraid of running into a wild animal out there by myself.” And I said, “Wild animal? I’m worried about a wild person!”

Bianka Hardin 21:02

We, kind of, laughed because, you know, we’ve always had fears, but mine was of the human. You know?

Candice Wu 21:08

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 21:09

And so I kept thinking about that, like, why would I be afraid of running into a dangerous person out in this rail? I’m fully aware that there is violence against women, but it felt more intense than that. It felt more like, this is a legitimate 100% fear. I already thought like, what if they don’t find me? They’re going to send out the rescue crews, at least, you have your cell phone? I’m already triaging and figuring out what would happen if I disappeared? You know.

Candice Wu 21:44

Yeah, the game plan.

Bianka Hardin 21:45

The game plan. So, I kind of kept this fresh with me. And I was turning it over in my head a little bit. I’m like, “This is really intense, Bianka.” I wasn’t saying it in a way that I was looking down on myself. It was in a compassionate way. You know, it’s like, “Wow. It is really hard that you feel this way.”

Bianka Hardin 22:05

And I ended up doing a NARM-type session. And during that session, I realized that I was holding on to someone else’s fear. Like, that actually wasn’t mine. And it was like this epiphany that I had read like, wow, actually I don’t need to hold on to that anymore. That is not needed for me. It’s like, as if I had it in my hands. And I put it to the side and I said, “This belongs to someone else.” You know?

Candice Wu 22:37

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 22:38

And then I had this emotional experience and after that, I felt so much lighter. Now, I can’t say that it’s gone, but I would say that it was this realization that happened, that what I was carrying did not belong to me. That belonged to, probably, other women or other relatives in my lineage. Because I’m guessing that whatever happened to my relatives during World War I or World War II was really scary.

Bianka Hardin 23:12

I’m not living during that time right now. You know what I mean? And actually, that level of fear that I carried, is it necessary?

Candice Wu 23:23

Absolutely. Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 23:25

So it was really powerful. And it kind of helped me better understand this intergenerational trauma, and that it feels real. You know, like, I had an experience where I went down to my laundry room and I had intense fear. After I started doing this work, I felt very fragile and delicate doing some of this work. Then I had an experience where I got very afraid, and I knew what was happening. I said, “This doesn’t match the situation. But what you’re feeling is real. It feels intense and it’s incredibly scary.” I worked with a therapist who held that for me and allowed me to be with these feelings. It was so powerful. It was really amazing.

Bianka Hardin 24:20

Yeah. And me, allowing space for these experiences, has led to me, having greater capacity for joy and for figuring things out. Oh, wow, I felt so expansive and relaxed. It’s like, I’m figuring out, I’m like a new person.

Candice Wu 24:31

It’s really powerful.

Candice Wu 24:34

Yeah. So much of your energy was holding a fear that wasn’t yours.

Bianka Hardin 24:56

Exactly.

Candice Wu 24:57

And for that to be relieved, it’s like all this space and energy is you and yours and, what now?

Bianka Hardin 25:05

Yeah. I mean, it’s really amazing because I have always thought of myself as a laid back person. At least, that’s when people see me, that’s what they tell me. And it’s like, wow, I am that and I had all this fear, right?

Bianka Hardin 25:24

Anxiety and the healing work of body-oriented psychotherapy has really created so many possibilities for me. It’s really freeing. And so, I continue to think about how I’m feeling and say, “Wow, this is new and different. I feel more in touch with my aliveness.” You know, my life’s energy is really freed up which has been really great.

Candice Wu 25:57

It’s fantastic.

Bianka Hardin 25:58

Yeah.

Candice Wu 25:59

Yeah. And so you mentioned NARM, the NeuroAffective Relational Model.

Bianka Hardin 26:03

Yeah.

Candice Wu 26:04

I want to hear more about that and your experience with it.

Bianka Hardin 26:06

Yeah. Well, I learned about NARM through my trainer, Brad Kammer. He introduced me when I went to a day-long intro. I met him through the Somatic Experiencing Community. NARM is based on Dr. Laurence Heller’s book, “Healing Developmental Trauma.” It’s almost like these worlds came together through this model, and I really appreciate it because the foundation is based on multiple models. But it’s relational, it’s based on psychodynamic, cognitive, behavioral, Somatic Experiencing, interpersonal neurobiology. And I’m probably forgetting a few other things.

Bianka Hardin 26:48

But, it’s this relational model that works both top-down and bottom-up. So I appreciate both being able to work top-down and bottom-up. And then, I think the potential for healing is so great. I’ve done traditional therapy, I’ve done Somatic Experiencing, and now I’ve done NARM. And I think, for me, it’s this coming together of these ways of thinking, about how my early life experiences have shaped me and these strategies that I utilize to protect myself, were developed really early on in life based on those experiences.

Bianka Hardin 27:31

And yet now as an adult, I continue to utilize them when babying my experiences, and they are very different. So I’ve been able to see ways that I have protected myself, that maybe aren’t serving me as much now as an adult. I have realized what was really powerful is that, I’m very good at attuning to others and predicting what other people need. I needed to do that as a child. I needed to know what my caregivers needed, wanted. I was a good girl and I always wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing.

Candice Wu 28:10

Yeah, you and me both. That is one of my protective ways, as well.

Bianka Hardin 28:16

Exactly. And you know what? That makes us really good therapists, right? Like, I am really good at sizing up a situation and adjusting myself to adapt to the other, right? That’s great! However, if you said, “Well, what do you want, Bianka? What do you need? What do you prefer? As a mother –

Candice Wu 28:42

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 28:42

you have a child, is always like, “What’s your favorite?” And then I think- I don’t know –

Candice Wu 28:48

That’s great!

Bianka Hardin 28:49

what my favorite is, but I know what your favorite is. Right?

Candice Wu 28:53

Right. You come to know everybody but yourself.

Bianka Hardin 28:56

Exactly. And so what I realized-

Candice Wu 28:58

As a survival.

Bianka Hardin 28:59

Yes. I needed to know that and that kept me safe. There are so many benefits of that in my life now. But, I really didn’t deeply know myself, right? So, that has been really perplexing. You know, a 47-year-old woman, who was, I would say, accomplished, successful. And it’s like, wow, I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did. Like, I know how to-

Candice Wu 29:36

What a profound thing to get to.

Bianka Hardin 29:37

Yes. I know how to have a successful relationship and have good friends. But what I realized was, I was really protecting myself. Not only not sharing my deep self, but maybe not even knowing my deep self. As much as I would like to. Right?

Candice Wu 29:56

Yeah, absolutely. I can so relate to that. That whole journey.

Bianka Hardin 30:01

Exactly. And so, what NARM has done, is something that traditional therapy hadn’t done for me because what I could do in traditional therapy is size up the therapist and kind of let them know what I think they wanted to know. But like with NARM, you start off with a contract, what’s in your heart’s desire? What would you like for yourself today? How do you want to use this time? Well, when someone comes at me in that way, I felt like I was a deer in headlights? Like, okay. You mean, you really want to know what I want?

Candice Wu 30:40

Right? Is that a real question? That’s a question people ask?

Bianka Hardin 30:47

Yeah.

Candice Wu 30:49

Yeah, I understand that. It’s like spending so much energy, with knowing other people and what they need, and what they’re feeling. There’s just no room for yourself in that sort of place.

Bianka Hardin 31:02

Exactly. And so, what surprised me was how much emotion was there with that for me? Like, I felt really young, you know? Really vulnerable. So, it was not only a hard question to answer, but it’s almost like I felt touched that someone really wanted to know me.

Candice Wu 31:24

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 31:24

They cared and that attunement was there.

Bianka Hardin 31:27

Because with NARM, the therapist doesn’t have an agenda. The therapist really wants to know what is it that you want for yourself. It’s not about fixing someone, or it’s not about being goal-oriented. It’s really about the person’s heart, you know. And I think that’s just what I needed for who I am, it was to really get in touch with my own heart’s desire in a really authentic, deep level.

Candice Wu 32:00

And in the support of someone that really wanted to know. And to hold the space for that sounds really powerful.

Bianka Hardin 32:07

Yeah. And also figuring out the ways that I get in my own way. The model is also about personal agency, and what are the ways like, maybe I have a heart’s desire, I do. But what are the ways that maybe I get in my own way of getting to that? Because I’m using these old strategies that I used to have to protect myself. And so, I’ve been really working on authenticity and vulnerability, and sharing my heart, and my voice, and stepping into vulnerability.

Bianka Hardin 32:42

Boy, it’s been kind of scary and emotional but yet, highly interpersonal and rewarding, and personally rewarding. But also, my personal relationships have really deepened. Yeah. That’s what I want for myself, to be authentic, to be vulnerable, to be in deep connection with people, deep authentic connection.

Bianka Hardin 33:08

And so, that’s what I’m working on. I’m working on it every day and there are lots of tears. You don’t always feel whatever wall I had up, is now lessened through my personal decision. And it could still be there when I need it to be but it feels like deep growth.

Candice Wu 33:33

It sounds like it. So with NARM, are you talking about it? Like, talking about the protections? Or is it more so relating and then seeing how that shows up between you and the therapist? Or how does that, there’s the element of being, with what comes up in the feelings in the body? How does that all look?

Bianka Hardin 33:58

Yeah, well. So, you’re looking for psychobiological shifts in the client and, or, within yourself if you’re the client. I think it could look very different depending on the client or on the therapist. Because I’m a therapist, I’m very interested in the process. And so when I do my experientials, I’m very curious about the theoretical and the interventions. But, not all clients might be as interested in that.

Bianka Hardin 34:30

I personally believe with all therapy, that having psychoeducation is an important part of the process. And so I think, it demystifies the process for clients and I think knowledge is power.

Bianka Hardin 34:46

And so when I work with clients, I like to share with them, my observations or what I’m doing. Or just to give them an informational framework. But not all clients want that or need that, or asked for that. So I typically do a little bit of that. And if a client really- it resonates with them, then I’ll do more of that. If it doesn’t resonate, then I’ll pull back a little bit. It’s really about kind of what I believe they want and what helps them. So I think you can adjust the model per client.

Bianka Hardin 35:18

So one thing that I was talking to you about before we started the show was this great sense of expansion that I had when I was thinking about enjoying the ride. And I was really tickled about how much fun I was having on this car ride journey that I had not experienced before because it’d be more typical for me to have anxiety. I had this great feeling of expansion and then we, kind of, turned a corner, literally.

Candice Wu 35:48

Literally.

Bianka Hardin 35:50

And I looked down and there was like a ravine with a stream. And then I started thinking about the danger. You know what I mean? Like, what would happen if the car –

Bianka Hardin 35:59

went off the road and I have this contraction where, not only did I have a little bit of anxiety, I had a lot of anxiety. It was almost like, I had this great expansion in this contraction. And so, that’s something that is pretty common with NARM. That’s something where some of my clients and I talked about that to normalize that process, rather than me thinking like, “Oh, I made no progress at all. Look at me, I’m even more anxious than I’ve ever been.” I thought, “Oh, you know what? This is the contraction. You felt so expansive and so open, and your heart was wide open to the experience that you’re having, like, seeing all this beauty. And then, now you’re in a contraction. This is going to go away, you know. This is going to be temporary, and it’s okay.”

Candice Wu 35:59

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 36:09

It’s this way of me knowing the model, help me have more compassion for myself, and not be hard on myself about it. Just, kind of, understand this is what’s happening now. So, that really helped me.

Candice Wu 37:04

I think that’s so important.

Bianka Hardin 37:05

Yeah.

Candice Wu 37:06

Because so often people have that thought, then that comes right after that, “Yeah. This is a setback.” Or, “I thought I was doing better.”

Bianka Hardin 37:13

Right.

Candice Wu 37:15

And it’s all part of that the process of the body, learning more capacity. And because actually, that intensity was there says a lot about the expansion that was happening –

Bianka Hardin 37:26

Right.

Candice Wu 37:26

as a reflection of it. So you mentioned about agency in NARM. And I’m curious about how you work with agency or what it means.

Bianka Hardin 37:35

Yeah, so NARM is all about agency. And that, how are we playing a role? And what’s happening kind of in our lives and the use of protective strategies? Or what are our own ways of either getting in the way of what we really want? Or helping us get to what we really want.

Bianka Hardin 37:59

And so I found that there are ways that I really pressure myself, and I was doing it before we started the show, think I joked with you about how I was really putting a lot of pressure on myself and having performance anxiety. Right?

Bianka Hardin 38:20

And so I was pressuring myself. Here I am talking to lovely Candice, wanting to talk about what’s on my heart, in my mind, what’s inspiring me? And then I noticed, I’m pressuring myself, because what if I don’t do a good enough job or explain things good enough, right?

Bianka Hardin 38:37

So I’m getting in my own way of speaking to what’s on my heart and what’s inspiring me, right? So what I can do now through NARM’s lens is to realize the ways I am doing things that may get in the way of what my heart’s desire is.

Bianka Hardin 38:56

For example, the stories we tell ourselves, you know, or being really hard on ourselves, like if we make an error, like, for example, during the podcast, what if I didn’t explain the concept of agency right? I might then start shaming and blaming myself, because I didn’t do –

Candice Wu 39:15

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 39:15

enough job and kind of go down this mental path of people aren’t going to be happy with me that I didn’t do a good enough job explaining what agency is, well, it’s actually: “Okay, if I mess up. You know what I mean? Then I’ll just fix it. It’s all right.”

Candice Wu 39:30

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 39:30

But, I’ve noticed for myself, there are ways that I do that, I pressure myself, or I blame and shame myself, or I’m hard on myself, for being human. Right? It’s as if making a mistake is not acceptable. Right? And, you know, some of us have grown up in environments that have been extremely critical. I’m kind of noticing flaws or needing to try to achieve perfection. And sometimes when we grow up that way, we, then pressure ourselves to be perfect or not to make mistakes.

Bianka Hardin 40:13

And really, I noticed that a lot. And I’ve been really working on that, of not shaming and blaming myself and pressuring myself, but just accepting myself. And the outcome has been that, I have felt calmer, definitely more relaxed, more forgiving of myself, but not only of myself, but others too. I say everyone makes mistakes, mistakes are really learning opportunities, it actually is genuine, I really feel that way. And there’s just been more of a settling around: Life is messy, and that’s okay.

Candice Wu 40:51

Yeah, naming those things, noticing those things that really can put you in the place of not getting what you want –

Bianka Hardin 41:00

Exactly.

Candice Wu 41:00

or moving towards yourself the way you want, and being kinder or –

Bianka Hardin 41:04

Right.

Candice Wu 41:04

taking in a different way with it.

Bianka Hardin 41:06

Right. And so when we can kind of notice these things, then we have an opportunity to continue doing it, right? Or we can do something different. You know, it’s kind of like, “Hey, you have these choices here. What would you like to do?”

Candice Wu 41:21

Yeah, I think that’s so freeing.

Bianka Hardin 41:23

Exactly.

Candice Wu 41:24

There isn’t shame with that. It’s choice. When you know, it’s choice. And we have the right to continue doing it the way we’re doing it. It’s a question of do we want to and how do we want to do it?

Bianka Hardin 41:37

Right. And what’s great is that the client gets to choose that, you know, they do what’s best for them.

Bianka Hardin 41:45

And so I think it’s about agency and also giving choice, you know, and not being tied to the outcome as a therapist, you know, what Brad was saying is that it’s very freeing. You know, this is a model where the therapist often feels much freer. You know, we’re not goal oriented. We’re really looking to see what works for the client, you know, and they get to choose that.

Candice Wu 42:13

Absolutely. Beautiful. Well, I wanted to ask you about what brings you joy right now. And the thing is, like, so many things –

Bianka Hardin 42:22

Yeah.

Candice Wu 42:22

that bring you joy in your life. And I wondered what you would say, so yeah, what brings you joy or what makes you feel alive?

Bianka Hardin 42:32

I am. I really love being by the beach, by water. I was just on vacation. I went to Hilton Head. And I love walking on the beach. And I love the sound of the waves, and the wind, and nature. The smell of the air, the sand on my feet. I like walking by the waves. Maybe letting them wash over my feet. It might be a little cold. That’s okay, but like just really being by the water really brings me joy.

Candice Wu 43:12

That sounds so yummy.

Bianka Hardin 43:13

Yeah, so like soothing for my soul. So being in nature –

Candice Wu 43:22

A good reminder. Yes. Being in nature.

Bianka Hardin 43:25

Yeah, I mean, just getting outside and I’m so blessed to live in Chicago. And we have this beautiful lakefront, and I just been enjoying going to the beach. I mean, not recently because it’s been winter, but even when it’s cold, it’s beautiful. You know, like walking by the lake. It’s just a really soothing experience. And it makes me think, like, when we live so close to something beautiful, why wouldn’t we take advantage of it? You know?

Candice Wu 43:59

Yeah, right. Absolutely.

Bianka Hardin 44:03

What’s that term, where it’s like, I forget, it’s like, bathing in the woods, where you’re out walking in nature, and it’s like this soothing experience. There’s a term that I learned recently, and I’m not pulling it up right now.

Candice Wu 44:20

I don’t think I know it.

Bianka Hardin 44:21

Oh, really? Okay, I thought you might,

Bianka Hardin 44:25

It’s like Forest Bathing or something like that, where it just speaks to this repetitive experience of being in nature and how healing and soothing and calming it is. I feel like, it’s something I personally want to do more of, you know, I feel really inspired by being outside and connecting with nature.

Candice Wu 44:49

Well, whatever that’s called, I did it the other day, walk down the street in Michigan, like Earth, just take me you know.

Candice Wu 44:57

I just surrendered myself into nature. I often like to picture myself being buried by the earth, it’s very soothing for me. I get to feel into the quiet and sense into the nutrients of the earth.

Bianka Hardin 44:57

Yeah.

Candice Wu 45:15

And in Tantric Yoga, we have the ability to sense into the elements and to taste them, to smell them, to feel the vibration, even if we’re not actually doing it.

Bianka Hardin 45:30

Yeah.

Candice Wu 45:31

So it’s not just imagining, it’s actually touching into our elemental nature. And this walk the other day, I was like, “Just absorb me, nature.” You know, just let me come back home to my nature, and it helps me just release some of the emotions that were going on in me and I started coughing up a lung. Which, for me, there’s some energy in my body that’s expelling. And that coughing is a clearing of that.

Bianka Hardin 46:07

Yes.

Candice Wu 46:09

Yeah. such a simple thing to do, but can be so powerful.

Bianka Hardin 46:13

Yeah, I listened to your Energetic Boundaries Podcast, and you talked about that. We’ve talked about that too, like that clearing that happens. Yeah.

Candice Wu 46:25

And I’m just reminded of supervision meetings with you, where sometimes we would walk and talk –

Bianka Hardin 46:31

Yes!

Candice Wu 46:31

side by side. And you would just remind me to look at the outlines of the trees –

Bianka Hardin 46:37

Oh, yes. I love looking at the trees.

Candice Wu 46:41

we would slow down –

Bianka Hardin 46:42

Yeah.

Candice Wu 46:42

It’s the best! It’s like, the simple thing we can do for ourselves. And so easy, in a way, it can be easy.

Bianka Hardin 46:49

Yeah, I’ve been really into walking meetings, instead of sitting meetings. And if we can walk outside and look at nature, and I am, like, really captivated by nature. And I am known to stop the conversation abruptly and say, “Look at that!” you know? “So beautiful!”

Bianka Hardin 47:11

And it’s just that it’s hard to pass up something, you know, it’s like a gift, you know, that you were able to say this –

Candice Wu 47:20

Yeah.

Bianka Hardin 47:20

I guess it’s kind of a form of mindfulness, taking it all in what’s around you at that moment and really appreciating it.

Candice Wu 47:27

Yeah, and we spend so much time looking at our screens in our phones up close –

Bianka Hardin 47:31

Yeah.

Candice Wu 47:31

That when we look far in the distance, like, that’s a muscle that we’re, I think we’re losing if we don’t stay with it.

Bianka Hardin 47:40

Yeah, something that’s hard on me personally as a therapist is all the sitting that I do, and I think taking opportunities to walk outside during either a networking meeting or a supervision meeting, or just even taking the time during a break to get outside is so needed.

Bianka Hardin 48:00

It just shifts the energy, you know, really important.

Candice Wu 48:07

Well, thank you so much for sharing with me on the show today and sharing with our audience today. Is there anything else that feels important to share? Or interesting or alive for you now?

Bianka Hardin 48:18

No, I mean, I had a really enjoyable time talking to you. And I really honor and appreciate you so much, and just really great to have this conversation with you. And, I always enjoy talking with you. I feel like many of our conversations could be podcasts.

Candice Wu 48:38

I agree.

Candice Wu 48:40

We always get to some depth of something –

Bianka Hardin 48:43

Yeah.

Candice Wu 48:43

and some fun with each other.

Bianka Hardin 48:45

Yeah.

Candice Wu 48:46

Thank you so much. It’s been a pleasure and a real honor to have you. And I know that you’re having a NARM workshop coming up. Would you want to share about that at the end of April?

Bianka Hardin 48:55

Yes, I would love to we’re… me and Gina Essex. She is a NARM lead assistant and quite knowledgeable in NARM. She and I are co-facilitating a workshop at Chicago Body Mind Wellness Studio on Saturday, April 27, during the day, and it’s an introduction to NARM. It’s from about 10 am to 4 pm. And we’re inviting anyone who’s really interested in developmental trauma, come by and you can sign up online. I’m also doing a workshop on my own, it will be my first solo flight into teaching a day-long introductory workshop.

Candice Wu 49:42

Wow!

Bianka Hardin 49:43

I know.

Bianka Hardin 49:44

I’m excited slash nervous slash excited.

Bianka Hardin 49:50

I’m spreading my wings. And that’ll be on June 21st at Harper College in the suburbs. So, yeah, I’ll get you more information about that.

Candice Wu 50:00

Wonderful!

Bianka Hardin 50:01

I would love for anyone interested in working with developmental trauma to just come, check out the workshop, because we’re going to be starting a larger training in Chicago in late July, which is about a year long. And that’s where you go really in-depth with the model. And that, for me was a very transformative experience, working with trauma survivors for 20 years, and I’ve gone to a lot of trainings, and I would say it was one of the best pieces of training I’ve ever been to, and great connections personally for me and interpersonally, so I highly recommend it.

Candice Wu 50:38

Excellent. Great. Yeah, we’ll put all that in the show notes –

Bianka Hardin 50:42

Great!

Candice Wu 50:42

when you have the information and where can people find you, Bianka?

Bianka Hardin 50:47

I am at Centered Therapy, Chicago, and I have a website, www.centertherapychicago.com. We have a Facebook page called Center Therapy Chicago, and we are currently in the North Center neighborhood of Chicago at 4124 North Lincoln, will be moving location shortly, but we’re going to be staying in the same neighborhood.

Candice Wu 51:10

Beautiful. Thank you so much, Bianka.

Bianka Hardin 51:13

Thank you! It’s a pleasure.

Candice Wu 51:15

Fabulous to have you.

Bianka Hardin 51:17

Yeah, thank you so much.

Candice Wu 51:22

It was wonderful to talk to Bianca today. I’m so glad you were here listening. And I hope that you receive something interesting out of that or could relate to her anxieties or her experience in her body. Think that deeply resonates with me, a past part of me.

Candice Wu 51:39

Some people think that I have just always been this Zen and kind of calm person or a lot of people enjoy listening to my voice and the calmness that comes in it. But I spent a good, solid 26 or so years, being in anxiety and depression and not being in my body at all, where I didn’t feel safe at all. But I didn’t even know it for so many years, and the story of how Bianka felt a shift in herself where she actually could enjoy her body and enjoy what’s around her. That was something I definitely went through and was a very transformative experience those first moments of experiencing it. So that’s very related to my story as well.

Candice Wu 52:28

If you’re interested in NARM or Somatic Experiencing or what Bianka has to offer, including the parenting and mindfulness or trauma stewardship, feel free to reach out to Bianka and I encourage you to connect with her NARM experiential around settling in connection with the NeuroAffective Relational Model. So she’s going to offer an exercise that is focused on connection and facilitating a deep sense of settling in the body. Again, you can find that experience show later this week on the podcast or at the website at CandiceWu.com/bianka.

Candice Wu 53:06

Before you go today, I want to invite you to sign up for the bi-monthly newsletter, which offers self-love notes and tips for healing and embodiment. As well as just reminders to love yourself, get in touch with your spirit, learn about yourself, and listen to your inner voice, and keep up to date on retreats and workshops, as well as the podcasts that are going out. Feel free to sign up for that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 53:30

Also, for any of my listeners that are interested in exploring any 20-minute free consultation, if you were a new client to me or somebody that has just connected with the podcast and is interested in learning about the healing modalities or how we would support you in your deepest desires in connection with yourself and loving yourself, feel free to reach out to me and schedule a free session.

Candice Wu 54:01

There’s no pressure to continue in sessions with me or anything. But it’s lovely to connect with all of you who are out there, who are interested in your own growth, who are interested in filling a hole in yourself right now. And we can have this conversation and just see what your next steps are or make a connection.

Candice Wu 54:21

In that experience. I can also share my intuitive sense of what might be supportive for you and your journey and support you in getting there. If you’d like to connect with me that way, feel free to hop on my website at CandiceWu.com/connect. It’s been a wonderful time having you here and I look forward to connecting with all of you in some way or another. Thank you so much, sending you lots of love and wishing you all the joy that you desire in your life, see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

Candice Wu 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Embody podcast. Today you’re listening to an experiential by Bianka Hardin, who is a clinical psychologist.

You can find Bianka’s entire introductory episode at CandiceWu.com/bianka.

Today’s experiential is a NARM exercise, that’s the Neuro-Affective Relational Model, which is focused on connection. This exercise can facilitate a deep sense of settling and connection in the whole being.

So feel free to find a comfortable place to be and jump into this experience with Bianka.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Hello and Intro from Bianka

Bianka Hardin 1:13

Hello, and thank you for joining me today for this NARM. The Neuro-Affective Relational Model self-inquiry exercise based on connection.

During this exercise, I will be asking you to reflect on your experience, to engage in self-touch and just to notice what’s going on inside for you emotionally, physiologically, from a thought perspective, with non-judgmental curiosity.

All of this is up to you how much or how little you’re wanting to engage in this exercise.

This exercise will be focused on connection. If you’re willing, I invite you to reflect on a time where you felt connected to yourself, connected to others, in a way that feels good to you.

As you reflect on this personal and interpersonal connection, notice what happens inside. Notice your internal experience, your thoughts, your feelings, your level of presence with yourself, remembering to notice with non-judgmental curiosity.

Let’s Begin

Now I’d like to guide you through some self-touch as you notice your own sense of connection.

If you feel comfortable and would like to, I invite you to touch your shoulders.

You’re welcome to do a self-hug, crossing your arms across your body with touching your shoulders or you can touch them in any way that feels right for you.

Feel free to gently squeeze your shoulders, squeeze them tight or just softly place your hands on your shoulders, noticing what’s happening inside as you do this.

I invite you to move your touch and attention down to your elbows.

Feeling into your elbows as you gently touch your elbows, moving your attention down to your wrists and hands, either gently or with more firmness.

Feel free to just connect with your wrists and with your hands. Again, inviting you to notice what’s going on inside as you do this.

Inviting you next to connect with your ribcage.

Noticing what happens as you touch your ribs, moving your hands down to your hips and pelvis area.

Again, noticing what’s happening for you as you engage in this self-inquiry and experiential exercise around connection.

Moving your hands down to your knees, touching the front of your knees, the back of your knees.

Again, reflect on what’s happening inside for you.

Moving your attention down to your ankles.

Feeling the front of your ankles, the back of your ankles.

Just noticing your own connection with yourself as you engage in this exercise.

Notice your breath.

Taking your attention up to your neck area.

Touching the front of your neck, the back of your neck, with the amount of pressure that feels just right for you.

And ending with putting one hand on the front of your forehead, one hand on the back of your head.

Gently noticing that pressure on the front and the back of your head, noticing what happens inside as you connect with yourself in this way.

And as we wrap up this exercise, just noticing the level of connection you have with yourself as you engage in this activity.

Notice with Curiosity and Closing

Again, continuing to notice with non-judgmental curiosity, just really ending with observations about your own level of connection to yourself and others and how is this different than maybe it was 5 years ago, 10 years ago, or a year ago? Or, even how is it similar or different than it was when you began this exercise.

Feel free to continue checking in with yourself after this is done.

I want to thank you for your time and attention today.

Closing

Candice Wu 8:21

Thank you so much for tuning into this experience with Bianka Hardin.

You can again, find her entire episode at CandiceWu.com/bianka and you can also find other guests on the podcast offering their experiences, healing experientials, as well as meditations that can support you in your own healing, self-love, and presence.

You can find all the episodes at CandiceWu.com/podcast. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.