Candice Wu 0:00
Welcome back to the Embody Podcast. This is an a{Life} now episode, which is me talking about what's alive for me right now. And it may connect with what you're experiencing, it may not, and I felt compelled to share what I'm experiencing right now.

Candice Wu 0:18
So I've been here, self-quarantining in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. And it's been gorgeous. The ocean is here and I feel safe. I've been alone and it's been quite a while and I've done quite well considering it's been since March 9. It's been two months solid of self-quarantine and I know so many of you out there are in the same boat. And it's not easy. You know, there are ups and downs or roller coasters of emotions.

Candice Wu 0:53
Recently, I felt like my body was ripped in pieces, in half, and then in pieces by an earthquake on the inside, and these are just big feelings.

Candice Wu 1:07
So if you're out there and you're feeling whatever you're feeling, just know you are so not alone, even if you feel that way and I'm going through that too and I see you. I feel you out there. I know so many of you are experiencing some big stuff.

Candice Wu 1:31
Most of the time when I do a{Live} now episodes, it's pretty present. And a lot has happened since I did the last a{ Life} now episode. Big stuff, so I just haven't been able to really be with it and share it. But today, I felt compelled.

Candice Wu 1:53
Would have been going through is realizing, like, in my being, in my emotions, and my energy that I am very deeply a multi-dimensional being and galactic being that I have felt at times that I don't belong here on this planet. And I know that I have meant it figuratively. And little did I realize that it was literal. For me, it feels literal. And I think so many years of conditioning, so many maybe lifetimes of conditioning, that I needed solid evidence and proof, concrete proof that others could see and confirm and perhaps needing validation of others for my experience to exist or be okay. That I naturally would push away these little pieces of me that said, Yeah, you are. You're from another planet or you're from another Star System.

Candice Wu 3:03
And I even talked about it on the podcast, which is funny because while I was going through this recently, in these last couple of weeks, it almost felt new. And it is to some degree because it's a new piece of it. And it's so different when you mentally conceive of something versus when you feel it, and you connect with it in your bones, in your body, in your emotions.

Candice Wu 3:31
And I remember talking about it on the podcast, it was in the deep mystery of life series a{Live} now episodes. I'll link those in the show notes. I talked about it there or maybe I talked about it when I talked about the Sofia code, and Dragon Tribe and Star Nation.

Candice Wu 3:54
I remember feeling like I didn't know what that meant. But it felt important. Yeah, that was in the deep mystery episode, What logic cannot explain became very real to me. And here is a giant piece of that.

Candice Wu 4:13
And so Star Nation, I didn't really understand. But I did. I did on some level, like being from another Star System. And I've heard and understand and accept that other people are also most people are connected to various Star Systems and lifetimes and astral planes and dimensions of this existence, and things that I don't really, fully always understand, conceptually. And I don't do the research on that stuff. You know, if you or someone might be listening to this thinking, yeah, I know exactly what she's talking about the five d x, y, and z, and describe it in detail. I just go by my experience with this stuff. And I think it's really important for me to do that in this life, to trust that.

Candice Wu 5:06
And so I had that knowing, I don't know was that like, six months ago, eight months ago, like, you are of Star Nation. And that felt like, whoa, that is me. And then a couple of months ago, before I left for Mexico, I had another very strong multi-dimensional experience connecting and acknowledging those parts of me and the energies in me that can travel to other dimensions and also bring that energy to the body in this existence.

Candice Wu 5:45
And I remember asking, so if I'm from Star Nation, if I'm from another Star System or planet, where am I from?

Candice Wu 5:53
And I really know very little about astronomy and astrology and the stars and galaxies. So, I got an answer. And it was Orion. And then I dismissed it. Sort of I was like, okay, Orion. Just like, didn't give it much importance.

Candice Wu 6:14
Well, the last two weeks, it has demanded its importance. And it started with a feeling of existential loneliness. And so I began to feel incredibly lonely like I am from another planet. I don't belong here. Why am I here? And I had a knowing too, that I chose to be here. So that was painful.

Candice Wu 6:42
And so here's this feeling like I ended up somewhere, in this universe or other universe from where I belong, and I don't know where I'm from. And I feel this horrible pain that I am away from and left my star family or my spiritual family or, whoever it is, and I'm not with my people or my resonance. And various people tried to come for me, which was really sweet. And it just didn't do the job. It was like, I still need to know what this is about.

Candice Wu 7:22
So, finally, in a healing session, I sat with it and it revealed to me this man, a lover, like a male figure from another galaxy or place in space, showed up and was like, Yeah, you did leave us. And we're here. You left us and yet we're with you — if you want us to be.

Candice Wu 7:48
And I just thought it was a little bit strange, but some things were happening in my body, wasn't totally registering. And I said, well, are there more of you? And he said, Yeah, your whole family is here. And that felt somewhat comforting. And it really hit like, the days after that. Suddenly, I felt ginormous grief. And it hit me that I had not digested that grief like I had left so happily to come to hear something and who knows when that is in the timeline or if it's happening at the same time as now, I don't know. But I needed to digest that grief.

Candice Wu 8:34
So I realized it was really blocking me this idea that I would be weird or crazy in other's eyes and then I needed to, one, have others validation but also I was judging myself and blocking information and intuition and knowing, because I couldn't explain it or I couldn't prove it.

Candice Wu 8:59
So as I released that need, and felt more into the unknown space and validating myself just surrendering to what it is and trusting that it's being revealed to me for important reasons or it is for me to look at.

Candice Wu 9:26
And as I did that, I was, not only no longer alienating myself from inside myself, but I felt a strong connection to those images of this man or male figure and the star family. And as I digested that and had some support with it, and also did do a little research on Star Seed, people who feel they are of Star Seed, I found some validation in myself and was able to accept it.

Candice Wu 10:05
It's so different when you know you accept others can be a certain way. And then when you encounter it in yourself, you really get to see if there's anything blocking you from loving yourself even if you can love others when it happens to you, when it is you.

Candice Wu 10:31
And I do believe that most of us are multi-dimensional beings that have traveled many existences and planes of being and the density of our human form and energies that we carry with that can block us from feeling that connection or remembering. And when I say block, I also feel, it's more like, we are in a certain place for a certain reason with our consciousness and our awareness. And when things are ready to open up, they will and they will show you what needs to be looked at.

Candice Wu 11:13
And if you just take it a step at a time following the trail of what feels right to you, things continue to reveal and open and there's nothing wrong with being in this density of human experience. We can also feel a human experience with light energy and that connection to source and all. All energies that can support us.

Candice Wu 11:44
And these last couple of weeks has been a big opening for me of really embodying that, feeling that in my resonance now that that's a part of me. And it's not really special either, you know, as I said many people experience this and know this about themselves. It's like, we have so many different connections in different realms. And really for me, it has been about that loving myself on the journey and trusting and surrendering to things I do not know and cannot explain. And I feel more of myself I feel freer. I feel more at ease. And I feel more like a true in my bones knowing of the multi-dimensionality and different Star Families.

Candice Wu 12:44
So I connect with Orion. I also connect with Arturion and Andromedan. I'm sure I connected with many others. And I don't know what it all means. And I don't feel like it's important for me to know mentally. But only through, not only, but mostly through my experience and my connection with what messages I'm receiving and what I need to know.

Candice Wu 13:15
So, sharing this out loud is really interesting. It's been challenging to figure out how to share it exactly, but here it is. And it's not totally organized. But nothing, you know, it doesn't have to be.

Candice Wu 13:34
And if you're listening to this and you're wondering, gosh, am I a galactic being or am I from Star Nation or from other dimensions and realities or places and planets? Maybe you are.

Candice Wu 13:50
Some people on YouTube talk about this like, having different dreams or being really connected in dream life or having sleep paralysis because of astral traveling or connecting in different dimensions. I have experienced all of that. It not scary for me, it feels kind of good. But I just get these pieces of information and knowing and it's like things are knocking on my door that wants to be acknowledged and seen. Just so the flow of my being can be fuller and more easy and open so I can have a resource from those energies.

Candice Wu 14:36
And I know those energies are not all supportive for me or for me to use, for the purposes of what I'm here for, and my experience here, and I also just see it as a resource and not something I'm like, idealizing or anything but being in this human body is a really special thing. And, I also feel now a stronger, wider connection with other beings and energies and parts of my being that are beyond human or not human. And to bring those knowings into this body and anchoring them into a human experience is really something special. And yet, it's also not, you know, it's also just part of things. And I think just me realizing it in this embodied way, I feel special because it's the next step of my path and journey. And yet, I have the knowing that we are all one, you know, there's no, this doesn't make me special and different. It is part of the whole of things and the experiences and the Galactic world and realm, the patterns, and the ways of being they all reflect themselves here in my human life.

Candice Wu 16:09
So, after I felt this giant grief and acknowledged it, whoah, it was such a relief. It felt so much more easeful in my being. I felt more present here.

Candice Wu 16:20
And then I had a huge dose of loneliness in this experience now with the pandemic and being out here. I haven't had a hug since like, I don't know, middle of February, well, no, I've had a hug since March 9, on March 9, but never had other touch since the middle of February that felt really good.

Candice Wu 16:48
So these are things I know I need and enjoy and it's a painful experience to be so separate in ways and it's also freeing and strengthening, to have the capacity to move through it. And I've had support so I'm not doing it alone either, except for in the physical form.

Candice Wu 17:17
So that's my galactic trauma, so to saz, or Star System trauma. But I feel more connected now and open to what this might mean for me and why I need to experience it. But I feel already the fruits of that, the relevance of it for this life, that I'm much more open to information that doesn't have a concrete manifestation or doesn't have proof and that if it feels right to me, I can trust that.

Candice Wu 17:55
And I encourage you that if you're listening to this, there must be a reason for it and there may be a nugget for you or something here for you. If you've made it this far in my sharing, and maybe it's not all for you. But I'm just tuning into this energy and wondering, just throwing out questions here for you if you're listening.

Candice Wu 18:24
Are there things that you have dismissed or just quietly tucked away or think are nothing and that keep coming back?

Candice Wu 18:32
It will keep coming back, so don't worry. But what are those things? And are they important? Do they demand your attention? Do they demand your love? And that may be just feelings and emotions. And it may be other knowings or intuitive hits you get, words and information you get that, from the mind that says I need to know exactly what that means and have proof and have others validate that reality, that that part of you may shut it out. And, is there also a knowing for you of your connection to mystical or celestial or galactic or multi-dimensional spaces and beings? And is it important for you?

Candice Wu 19:39
So, thanks for listening. This is all for today.

Candice Wu 19:44
I feel much more grounded here on Earth now and I feel like the energy that I can be supported with from the Star System of Orion and other Star Systems that can, that has a receptor in me now and whenever I need to know from the spaces can arrive. It has a place and I feel much more like, I know another part of my belonging. I certainly belong here on earth and I have a family I belong with. I feel that belonging. I feel community with people here. I feel like I belong to Earth. I also feel like I belong to other places. And now it's just expanded. I have more of my belonging.

Candice Wu 20:32
So my message to you is, all of you belongs. All of you belongs even if it's weird, even if it's confusing, unclear, uncertain, exiled. All of you belongs.

Candice Wu 21:02
And what would life be like for you if you took the next step of embracing yourself?

Candice Wu 21:18
And as I say that, I have this sense of self like the greater consciousness that exists through this body, which is connected with so many energies and all possibility that we cannot comprehend. What would happen if you allowed things you cannot comprehend, to exist and come through you, or be known by you, recognized?

Candice Wu 21:55
So, I'm sending a big virtual hug to all of you out there. Thank you so much for listening. It is truly wonderful to know you're out there. I still receive messages from many of you. And it's lovely to hear from you from time to time or whenever you feel inspired.

Candice Wu 22:17
If you want to support the podcast I would love and greatly appreciate it with a donation or what do you call it, a review or testimonial of the podcast. You can send that to me at [embody@candicewu.com](https://CandiceWu.com/connect) and you can send your support through my website at [CandiceWu.com/support](https://CandiceWu.com/support). And you can see some of the options there. You can give a straight donation or check out some of the gifts and offerings that support the podcast.

Candice Wu 22:55
Thanks so much for joining me today. Take care. I hope you're okay out there. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
One thing that I've really enjoyed during the Coronavirus COVID–19 times is that on some of the late-night shows that are now being broadcasts from home, recorded at home, they're interviewing guests, and those people are now at home too, whereas, before they'd come into, you know, this professional production of a show, and they're like, yeah, you know, I'm really liking this at home thing. I'm not even wearing pants right now. And, or, like Stephen Colbert will be in a suit and then he shows his feet and he's not wearing any socks or shoes, cracks me up.

And I've been working online for some time now, podcasting, also seeing my clients one on one, and I don't do it with my clients, but with podcasting, sometimes I am, like, in my underwear and that feels the best for me. I've never really been naked. So that hasn't happened yet, but neither has anyone on the shows that I've seen. But seeing that has given me a whole new permission to just laugh about it and speak to it.

Great to have you here today. I just wanted to jump on to this a{Live} now episode that is also an experiential.

If you wish to experience only the experiential without this whole conversation, feel free to skip forward on your podcast app or in the show notes to the right timing, which is going to be roughly around 19 minutes in.

But first I want to talk a little bit about this program called Living Ayurveda During Crisis and Quarantine. And it's by my friends Zach Zube and Elizabeth Sullivan. It's a six-week online immersion centered around Ayurveda and Yoga. And it's rich, beautiful, community connection, and self-care practices that are seasonal and connected with your specific optimal health and wellness. That includes recipes, daily routines, prompts for your own self-study, and invitations for different types of movement and meditation. And there's a forum that's members-only, recordings of live videos, bonus materials.

While I haven't taken this program myself, I have really enjoyed Zach's programs, classes, as well as his products at Element Self-Care. I've often ordered those products for my guests at the retreats, the live retreats that I've offered, and people have really enjoyed them.

You can save $30 off your registration with this specific discount code that's for Embody Your Nature, The Embody Podcast, the code is LIVINGAYURVEDAEYN. And that code is also in the show notes LIVINGAYURVEDAEYN, you can find the full program at www.elementselfcare.com/living-ayurveda.

So, when you use that code to register, you'll get $30 off and the podcast gets money. And all that money goes straight to support this podcast, the production, and the back end of everything. If you don't have the funds for the full program, you can talk with Zach and Elizabeth and they'll negotiate a cost for you that works for you. And I love that they're offering that, so it sounds like a lovely program. Check it out. And these are tools that you can take with you the rest of your life and transform yourself and align more deeply with yourself and be in your body feeling good and in your optimal health.

This is Episode 117 of the podcast so you can find all those details also at CandiceWu.com/ep117

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

While I was swimming today, I was reminded of this space of moving without seeing and moving without thinking, just being in the water, using my body to guide me and feel the senses, feel into my experience. And it just so happened that I was belaboring a decision. I was thinking, what should I do with this? Should I say yes or no?

And while I was swimming, I remembered that, oh, I have the tool of my intuition. I have the tool of my senses, my body, and that's actually the way I've been making a lot of my decisions lately. And sometimes we have these tools, but we forget to use them in certain instances in our lives or certain arenas or pockets of our life.

So, I remembered that I could just feel into this without needing to look at the pros and cons or really think about it too much. And it led me to this conversation that I want to bring today, which is how do we really develop our inner sense and knowing, especially if you have trauma.

Sometimes, when there are pieces of trauma living in your energy system, in your body, you don't always feel like you can trust the inner messages that you're getting. So if you even sense, is this right for me? Is this aligned? Your body might feel like oh, gosh, no. But maybe it's the thing that is your growth area. For example, sometimes when people receive good things or good things happen, “good things”, right, things that are desirable, there can be this clenching around it like, oh, no, because the body protects and says, something about that has been dangerous before. Whether I know what it is or not, something about that has been dangerous so I'm not sure if I can receive it fully. And so you get this mixed message. In a sense, some part of you knows that, well, that's a good thing, or I want that. And another part of you says, — and shuts down.

I have found that through healing trauma, through healing these little bits and pieces and the big bits and pieces, there has been a clearer and clearer response system and connection between me and my body, me and my intuition, me and my knowing from all directions. There's less static, there's less clutter or garbage, so to say, and I don't say garbage in a bad way, it's just that some things need to go or some things are just kind of sitting there rotting.

So you might just take a moment and assess where you're at with it. It's not to say that you have to be totally clear of all your trauma to be in connection with yourself. It really feels like it's about knowing where you are right now. Knowing how your body's responding to certain kinds of experiences, and trusting where you are right now, and then allowing it to evolve and change.

So if you know you can't trust yourself, like, trust the feeling of tension that says, no, when a certain kind of experience happens for you, that may be an area for you if you want to heal or to slowly take a dose at a time and move through. It's not necessary to override it all and just blast your system and your nervous system so you don't even feel anything or you feel overwhelmed or anxious. But to work with it a little bit at a time, can you receive a little more? Or, can you face that experience a little more?

And, you know, when it's a very reactive response, that there's something that's activating your nervous system, whether that active response is one that's pleasant or unpleasant. Like, if you get really excited, and it's so exciting and it's intense, there may be something in there that's related to something that is unintegrated from the past or from your ancestry or past life, that draws you into the situation.

And not to say that it's a bad thing, but when I found that it's a very intense feeling, it's almost like addictive, a high, that there tends to be some opposing experience to that, that connects with that situation, for example, like being in a relationship, and suddenly it feels intensely amazing. It usually shows its shadow side somewhere, some time. Or, it has a cost or price to pay somewhere.

So, when it's a little less intense, when it feels like it's almost neutral in your body, it's not as charged. But there is a clear yes or clear no or yum or yuck as some people say. And just to be clear that usually when my body says, maybe, or when my sense says, maybe, it tends to be really actually, no, it's not a Yes. It's not an obvious Yes.

So if your Yes and No system in your body is not fully clear, or it has pockets of like, uncertainty or it doesn't quite make sense, then those are the areas that you work with. But just wherever you're at with your level of clarity and capacity for all experience, that's how you can tell whether you might be able to trust that feeling or not and where that feeling is coming from.

I did an episode early on about intuition, as well as working with the parts of you that come up and you can find that at CandiceWu.com/intuition. Knowing what to trust and developing and cultivating that inner trust.

So we want to support our communication system inside with more clarity and receive the knowing and information that we deeply already have with clarity. And I like to call that, vibrational clarity, like being in alignment with your specific vibration, your vibration that is your coding, not the vibration of trauma, not the vibration of the layers of karma, soul history, but the source of you that's clear of all those things.

And we just allow that to be to the degree that that's possible without pressure for more, with a total agreement, and being loving and gentle to yourself that this is where you are and that is exactly right, and it gives you the pathway to the next step to what wants to be healed or seen eventually or when you're ready to have even more vibrational clarity, more space between you and the present moment. But at the same time, being so, in the present moment, that there isn't static between you and it.

When I talk about inner trust, trusting yourself, trusting your intuition, or just surrendering to the knowing that is there, I've often played with it for myself and invite people to do that. Just see, you know, using decisions that aren't giant. Just see what your inner intuition says. What your body says about that choice or the thing that you're looking at, and then just follow it. Let that be an active creative process and experimentation that if you follow it, see what happens. And what if you were to follow all of those senses? What would life be like and what happens?

When I'm swimming in a pool, and even when I did today, I definitely hit the wall like, I was not looking. I was not using goggles. I was swimming with just my sense of where I am spatially, proprioceptively, and then my arm hits the wall and then I just adjust a little bit.

So if you trust yourself and go with your instincts, you might hit a wall, but there's also in me that the trust that I can adjust and learn from it or I can be okay with what just happened. It's okay. It's not devastating. There are some things that are devastating but this one isn't.

So inner trust is also, can we trust ourselves with the outpouring of what happens? Can we know that we can handle it? And if we can't, then, how do we build that? How do we build our strength? How do we build safety in our bodies?

There are a bunch of ways that I'm not going to get into today. But you can find them all sprinkled throughout the podcast.

So, can we trust ourselves?

When I talk about this with others, I get sometimes fears coming up for people. Well, if I trust myself, what happens if I just gratify all my desires? Because my body says, Yes and that's not okay or what happens if it doesn't go well.

And so, whatever your resistances are, or responses to what happens if you just trust yourself, those may be your fears. And when we move through those fears, forgive ourselves for those beliefs that come with it, or feel into those fears and witness the experience, allow that to integrate, allow our capacity to be greater, and those fears absolve, then you have yourself a little more trust in your being.

And from where you stand now, if you do have some of those fears, it may be hard to believe that those things would not be a problem once you actually do trust yourself and those fears themselves, those fears don't exist within a deeper sense of trust. They just actually become irrelevant. They're not within that paradigm.

And of course, we dip into trust and out of it, even if you develop a strong sense of trust, you can be dipping in and out of it. This is the stuff of our process. This is the stuff of our lives, that we move through and find those places.

So I've talked a lot and I said that this was an experiential, it's going to be a brief one, and one that just gives you an initiation into a process and it comes from Family Constellations, Systemic Constellations, as well as combined with Somatic Experiencing and just being in the body.

For this experience, you'll need three pieces of paper and something to write with, and a little bit of space in front of you that you can walk and move around.

If you need to pause the podcast and get those materials, feel free to do that now. And when you're back and ready, we'll begin.

So I invite you to move your body, shake or wiggle, stretch. Or, if you just need stillness, go ahead and be still.

Notice how your body is today and now.

Allow yourself to be curious about the unknown spaces of your body.

And, to the degree that it's possible, invite your mind to rest.

You can even imagine placing the mental activity over to a counter or shelf next to you, or just over to the side and let your heart and your body come forward and take the lead.

And that is tuning into sensations, images, emotions, movements, energies.

So when you're ready, take one of the pieces of paper and write on that one piece of paper, something that you know is aligned with you or pleasurable, brings you a good feeling, and doesn't have a conflict with it. So, something that is very obvious and clear that it's just good for you, aligned, that you choose and you say Yes to. Just write what that is on the paper.

And on the second piece of paper, let something come forward that is undecided. And let one of the choices of that decision be on this piece of paper.

And so, if you're deciding between Yes or No, Yes to X, Y, and Z, or No, write the Yes or the No here, or if it's a specific thing, write what it is that is up in the air for you.

And on the third piece of paper, write a different response to the same situation. It could be the opposite, it could be just something different or a slight adjustment.

So this is a Mini Blind Constellation, blind meaning you're not going to be able to tell what's on those pieces of paper.

So I invite you to either flip them upside down, make sure you can't read it from the backside or fold them and scramble them so you don't know which is which. Then, when you're ready, place them each on the floor in a space out in front of you in different places. It doesn't matter where, just follow what feels right.

And when you're ready, just feel your body where you are now with these three pieces of paper out in front of you. Notice how you're standing, the temperature of your body, your emotions.

And I invite you to stand on top of one of these pieces of paper without needing to know what it is. Just stand there and let yourself land here in the energy of whatever this piece of paper says. Perceive everything there is to perceive about what's going on inside your body, what you sense, where you're looking, how you feel inside.

You might notice your thoughts as well and any intuitions or hits of information you're getting.

Notice if your body feels open or contracted, easeful and balanced or leaning, crouching down, follow your body. Allow the expression of whatever's here, just be known and felt. Even if it's a little whisper, just follow it.

Feel free to explore this for as long as you need to just being in it, sensing, witnessing, and you can pause the podcast if you need to.

But whenever you're ready, take a couple of breaths, step out of this place and then step into the next one, onto the second piece of paper wherever that is, and do the same thing.

Allow the feeling to arise from inside of you, whatever is here. And notice even if you feel nothing.

Notice how you're breathing as well and any information you receive, just gathering that information and data.

And then when you're ready, go to the third piece of paper, taking a couple of breaths or moving your body in between, and opening to any information that the body is telling you as you stand on that third piece of paper. And just trusting whatever is here, by listening, sensing, allowing.

And as you're ready to step out of this third piece, feel free to step back into any of the other two if you want more information or you needed more time, or you want to explore in a different way.

And when it's time, when you feel complete for now, go ahead and let what's on those pieces of paper reveal, the big reveal.

So open up those pieces of paper and see what it feels like to know now what was on those pieces of paper, compared to or letting it align with what you felt.

Let your own discernment be part of this process here of just seeing the information, being curious about how it fits together with the reality of what's on that paper.

Check to see if the pleasure piece, the thing that you don't feel conflicted about that feels good, or that you know is aligned with you, felt that way or what came up? What happens now?

Do that with each of the scenarios, the choices, without any judgment, just be with whatever observations you have of the process and your experience. Feel what you feel. Notice your reactions.

And I hope that this has given you something in terms of either confirmation or disconfirmation of what you can trust inside yourself, what you may not be able to trust at the moment or support with a decision you're making, information for you that's beyond what your mind was giving you. See if it matches or not.

This is something you can try with other things, other situations or relationships, you can do a Blind Constellation and just set up these pieces and see how your body is feeling and what it's showing you, what information you get when you let the mind be out of the picture.

And I hope this supports you in navigating what's unknown about your life, what life is moving forward in the aliveness of who you are.

Thanks so much for joining me today and I hope that the children screaming and laughing in the background didn't distract you too much and the waves of the ocean. I hope that you felt supported by these waves as I do.

And may this be another tool for you to develop and practice and see how it works for you on your journey. Thanks for joining me today and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This is an A{Live Now} episode. It’s been a little bit of time since I’ve done one of these, and these are just podcast episodes that maybe this is how other podcasters do it when you just talk more raw and unfiltered and disorganized, perhaps, but was just coming in the now, and it’s about what’s happening in the now for me these last couple of days and few weeks, the things that have been stirring in me and alive in me.

Candice Wu 0:29

A lot of times when I share what’s alive in me with my friends, what I find is that they’re dealing with something or looking at certain themes in their life, similarly or stumbling across a certain experience that is on a parallel path to mine. So that was the inspiration earlier on for the A{Live Now} episodes. And whether or not it’s something you’re experiencing, it might be interesting for you but, welcome today to this A{Live Now} episode.

Candice Wu 1:07

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:42

Before we jump in, I’d love to invite you to support the podcast, if you want a place to contribute this holiday season or if the podcast has spoken to you, touched you in some way or inspired some sort of support or healing in you, anything at all, I would be so grateful if you consider just giving a little bit back, you can make a one-time contribution or you can do a recurring one that’s like a subscription monthly, and just a little bit goes a long way and fuels this podcast and really gives that nourishment for it to thrive. Thank you so much for all of you who do give and want to support in monetary ways as well as by just offering your encouragement or sharing feedback or thoughts that stirred up in you after listening.

Candice Wu 2:36

It’s really a delight to connect with all of you that are listening out there in this way, and I’m so grateful for all of the connections, conversations, and experiences that have come out of the podcast existing. Thank you for your part in it. So the highlight of this podcast today is that I have finally achieved something major and I want to share it with you.

Candice Wu 3:07

It has been probably years that I’ve been saying this, that this has been my goal and finally it’s happened. That goal has been to be bored. So that probably tells you a lot about my life and as much self-care, slowing down, resting, supporting myself, being in contentment, as much of that as I do somewhere in me I’ve wanted this experience of being bored, being so bored, that there’s just nothing. I’ve exhausted all things and there’s nothing to do.

Candice Wu 3:55

And for many, many years, from being an art teacher into being a grad student in clinical psychology to working on my licensure to being a therapist, holistic therapist and learning Somatic Experiencing, Family Constellations, Yoga, blending all this, putting this all together and some semblance of who I am, and how I want to journey with people, that, through all those years, and I’m talking like over 15 years, I’ve craved that feeling of being bored. And I did it the other day. Suddenly, it hit me. And I was in my PJs. I didn’t want to watch Netflix. I didn’t want to write because I’m writing a book at this moment. I didn’t want to call a friend which is something I really enjoyed doing. I didn’t want to cook and be creative that way. I didn’t want to do anything and there was nothing that was calling me and there was nothing I needed to do. Nothing that was pressing, no agenda that I had for that time period. And then it hit me that I was actually Bored. I did it.

Candice Wu 5:23

So on one hand, I was like, “Yes, I did it!” Wait, what did I do? What is this feeling? And it was a really strange feeling. I actually don’t really know what it is to be bored still. Do you? Do you have an idea of what boredom is for you?

Candice Wu 5:39

I guess my fantasy was that I would be so still and purposeless in a good way, peaceful and content, restful and feeling nourished that there was nothing that needed to be done. And I could find this place of like, delightful emptiness, delightful simplicity, and exhaustion of all things in a good way where I could get to that sort of bottom, the rock bottom of feeling, feeling contentment.

Candice Wu 6:18

All these years while I’ve worked towards being more content and slow, simple, peaceful, I’ve also worked with all the stuff that I do to fill that space to avoid feeling peaceful and content. And why would I do that, you know, being peaceful content, there’s that amount of quiet that can allow all things to come up that haven’t come up, all things that want to be seen in me, to ask to be seen. So, early on, in my healing process, I believe that that was quite scary because it would bring a feeling of aloneness, one that was accumulated, that had been accumulating for years and maybe even through past lives and through my ancestry, an inner aloneness, a feeling of aching for connection that I didn’t know, I didn’t know how to feel. And over this time, developing this connection with myself, healing the things that come up and having the capacity to do so took some time.

Candice Wu 7:43

And so, that habit of filling up the space was really deep. And finally, here, I didn’t feel the need to do that. And that’s perhaps what I call boredom. All my needs are filled and taken care of, all the things that I have done in its place or on its own, don’t need to be done. Don’t want to do them. And I wondered if that was an apathy or an emptiness or this feeling that nothing really sounds good.

Candice Wu 8:22

Then I remembered this story of Sudbury schools. There are schools out there, I don’t know a great deal about them, some of you may know way more but these schools that are very Socratic and where kids get to choose exactly what they do with their time, all day, each day and teachers are there like mentors and consultants, coaches, and they support them and supervise yet they don’t push them to do their lives or learning in any sort of way. It seems like a Montessori next level and if the kids want to play video games all day, they can.

Candice Wu 9:05

And one teacher had mentioned that they watched these kids play video games all day, every day for like weeks. And one day, they got to school and did not want to play the video games and they had exhausted that desire. And they moved around for a while in this supposed boredom or whatever you would call that done with feeling. And after that, they found some excitement, something sparked in them to do something and to learn something to do a project and they got going with that and that was very motivating for them. So maybe this is all part of that expansion-contraction of doing this contracting to beingness or the drive for some activity outward, and exhausting that and then coming back to a ground zero.

Candice Wu 10:08

But I was sure happy that I got there and I do feel like something is completed in me where I don’t need to reach for things to avoid certain feelings even though I might, but I found this place where stillness could happen and it could be a little even uncomfortable at times. So, I ended up just sitting with it for a while and being there. My mind took over with some of these thoughts. And then I went back to just being there with it, looking around like hmm, this is a little strange. And I thought, well, I think I just want to take a bath. It was kind of bored with that too, like, all right, we’ll take a bath, it felt okay. And that was that. And the next day, I felt really happy to do the things that I plan to do. So, it did leave me with this conversation of what is boredom? And do we avoid boredom?

Candice Wu 11:22

One of my best friends told me about this children’s book that her daughter had received. And in the book, it was talking about boredom and how the message was, you’re too smart to be bored. Use your smarts and go do something, or read a book or use your creativity. And it seemed like this rejection of being bored and this message that we need to be doing something with ourselves all the time, always having to be in motion. And how do we claim motionlessness? How do we claim stillness and purposelessness as a part of our right to exist? Are there ways in which you avoid just being? And what would it bring up? What do some of your activities serve as a distraction for?

Candice Wu 12:23

As I’ve arrived into the space of boredom, I feel quite a life force energy ready for what comes to me. And there have been a couple of really wonderful ideas of what’s coming to me that I want to pursue, as well as the book that I’m writing that I just feel I’m holding steady and fun process for. The book is about healing our relationship with money and abundance, transforming the relationship, and that’s really about transforming who we are inside. And it’s been a long time coming that I wanted to write this book. And I’ve watched myself put distraction over distraction in the way of it and also being gentle about that and noticing what fear there is underneath it and noticing what I’m doing to support myself.

Candice Wu 13:33

So, boredom feels like this little mystery spot over our consciousness like, this interesting, perplexing experience that some people who are opposite of me might be like, No, I’m bored all the time, and it’s terrible. But what does boredom come with for you? What is boredom? Is it really boredom or is it another feeling? I still don’t know what it was for me. I just know that I didn’t know where to direct my attention. And it didn’t quite feel the need to. It wasn’t totally content in what the feeling was. So there’s a little bit of maybe a restlessness and I’m aware that I’m bringing this inquiry today at a time where many people are celebrating holidays coming up or have started already, and holiday time can feel chaotic, can feel like there’s just another thing on top of all the things you need to do. And we can often become hijacked by the holidays.

Candice Wu 14:53

And I wonder if you’re wanting to shake things up and do things your way, or a different way, this time around. I’m loving the feeling of simplicity and having breathing room, in doing what you desire. So many of us have spent plenty of time in obligation, doing things we feel behold into. And in those places we give ourselves up, we give away a part of what we desire, or we hide those parts of ourselves and tuck them away and say that’s not important. Or, it would be dangerous to do exactly what I want… it’s selfish. But what if you just took the easier, simpler pathway this time around and chose what’s easier for you? Even though sometimes what’s useful for you would bring a complicated mess around you like the people who are involved or the things you have agreed to that you might change? Food for thought.

Candice Wu 16:11

So what else is alive for you? What’s happening through this holiday time, through the winter? Or, whatever season you are in as you are listening to this podcast, depending on where you are in the world do you crave a level of simplicity in your life and what would that mean?

Candice Wu 16:33

And I just invite you in this moment if you would like to touch in on a time, either recently or a long time ago that you felt stillness, purposelessness, restful, nourished, bored if you crave that, whatever feeling that you want to have through this next period of time into the new year. Tap into that feeling and notice what happens in your body, where you might feel that in your body, even if it’s a tiny little bit.

Candice Wu 17:26

I know when my body feels a deep breath and some sense of relief that’s the right choice for me or that’s what my body really want, and what if you gave your body what it wanted? What would life be like? What could life be like?

Candice Wu 17:59

Our imagination really serves to shake things up and allow us to see a totally different possibility and that is the first seed into what could be for us, what could be another possibility of our way of life and the way of life you’re living now is just one possibility. And if you can imagine, with no bounds at all, with no restrictions, judgments or limits, what you need or what you want, and then let your body feel into that and get a taste of that. Usually, everything can roll out from there. But I’m reminded that when you grow, when we grow, that if people around us are tied in with that sort of way that you are, if they have been bound to you or dependent on you or pressuring you in a certain way and you have agreed, then when you shake it up and do something that’s truer to you and aligned for you, there might be some resistance or frustration on other people’s parts. And it may be important to let that just happen. To see it to honor that people are on their own path as well and what feelings come for them are for them to feel, that is when it comes to us being truer to ourselves.

Candice Wu 19:50

So I guess that’s the space I’m in being truer to myself, even more, layers and layers continually being found about where I’m not being true to myself, or where I feel the pressure, the inner pressure to do something that’s not quite aligned with me and all those layers of healing, have released that pressure valve and it’s more and more natural to do what’s true for me in a flowing way and the way I want to and that inner tension of whatever I choose is either non-existent or not quite there. So, this was definitely not how it was for me years ago, or even maybe a year ago, definitely 10 years ago, and this last decade, a lot has happened. So wherever you are on your journey, on your path of becoming aligned with yourself and that being easeful, there is a way, there is possibility for you and hope for you that that will shift as you do your own work with your emotions and your capacity as you continue to look inside and feel, and as we approach the New Year, approaching the way you want to, coming into your true sovereignty, your embodied sovereignty, that is feeling free, feeling your own decisions are yours, your own life is yours. I wish that for all of you. And I know it’s not that easy. Just not easy to do that.

Candice Wu 21:53

I felt this last month maybe, full of rage, anger, and grief. I’ve worked through day after day, it’s in my astrology even that chaos is in the planetary transits and with the mixture of the planets and where they are, I’m not really good at remembering those details, but I have them in my notebook from my astrologer. But what I do know is that I had day after day of feeling through stuff and just letting that flow through me and the capacity to do it. And I’ve had some support as well from a massage therapist, from my own healer, healing coach and friends, and from my inner selves. But that process, if you’re in it can be challenging and I’m almost not sure why I’m saying this, but it’s just coming through me that for whoever this is for or needs to hear it or wants to hear this that your work in your inner self, that is really something and that is a lot, that’s doing a lot in your energy and to notice yourself and see yourself, appreciate what it is that you are doing for yourself and let that fuel your love, your loving for who you are and who you are in this moment and becoming.

Candice Wu 23:48

So as we come to a close with this podcast today, I’ll leave you with that sense of simplicity, embodied sovereignty and freedom, that is possible, imagination and how that can fuel possibility, a new life for you, and seeing yourself and giving yourself credit. Knowing that your emotional labor is part of what you’re doing here in the world, for yourself and for others as we’re all connected, in that collective unconscious that lives in conversation with one another. We’re constantly in underneath, underlying, underbelly conversation with one another and the more each of us can find ourselves in our anchored and grounded self, the more we’re able to just see and not want to change others or ourselves, but be in that place of loving.

Candice Wu 25:17

So if you are in that place of loving today, what would you do?

Candice Wu 25:26

Do you crave boredom? What does that mean for you?

Candice Wu 25:41

Not really sure how to close this podcast because it was just, it felt like an outpouring of just randomness from me and yet I’m just here in this space of presence with myself, with you, with a quiet that’s around me at the moment, with a salt lamp that’s glowing next to me and the snow gently falling.

Candice Wu 26:29

So this invitation to be and be in connection with your freedom, with the sovereignty of your being your existence, and with that, I’ll close the podcast today. I’m sending you all that gentleness and kindness to yourself, that present, and just wishing you that inner loving that you are worthy of. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.