Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is all about anger and its importance. How anger gets a bad rap, how to harness your anger for healing, strength, protection, and confidence. What happens when we repress our anger and how to work with your own anger to discharge the energy, use it intentionally and constructively, and the healing experientials to follow.

Candice Wu 0:08

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:29

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers, and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:44

These episodes are made possible by all the supporters on Patreon that contribute and donate to this work. Thank you so much. I appreciate it immensely. And you have no idea how much it means to me. I’m really excited because there are some lovely offers that are on Patreon. So if you become a supporter, you can have access to different gifts, such as having a quarterly, personalized healing meditation for you that’s designed intuitively based on what you need and desire for your life. And I work with you to create that just with a few thoughts and ideas from you about what you want. And another offer that I just put out there is to join in the Embodied Group healing session that happens monthly. So this is a call with four people in a group where I’ll support you and being at ease in your own body and spirit into tapping into your own wisdom and intuition, and any embodied support or ancestral healing support that you need this month. I can’t wait to begin the first group. If you’d like to check this out, go to my page at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 1:38

So welcome back everyone. By the time you are listening to this podcast episode, I will be on a flight to Las Vegas, which is the nearest airport to the retreat that I’m holding in October. I’m very excited to take about nine days just to nourish myself, rejuvenate, and to have some off time before I jump into this magical healing retreat called the Soul Body Women’s Retreat. It’s been a really interesting time of expanding in my healing work and in my practice and business. As you noticed in the Patreon offers that had come out, whenever I expand or head into something new, it feels like I have to shift my energy so that it’s larger, so that it’s bigger and can hold more. And that’s exactly what’s been happening, I’ve been onboarding a new team member into the “behind the scenes” work, who I’ll share a bit later. But that’s just created so much inner expansion. And it’s been scary and overwhelming at times. But I’m very excited for the growth that it’ll bring.

Candice Wu 3:17

Also before the retreat, I just get so excited because it is such a meaningful and powerful connection. In the retreat, I always feel like I’m just right in the flow of things. Of course, I’m human. So that might not happen. But I’m really looking forward to this Soul Body Women’s Retreat. By the time you’re listening to this, there will be just like a week and a half before the retreat. But if you’re still interested in coming, there might be a spot or two left. So feel free to reach out and I’ll be happy to keep you posted on how it goes afterward. I know many of you have been listening and tuning into this retreat itself being shared on the podcast. So thank you all for being out there and listening and sharing it with people that it might be interesting too. So now let’s jump into the episode. Let’s get right into anger. That sounds funny, doesn’t it?

Candice Wu 4:16

If you’re tuning in today about this controversial topic, somehow I find it very controversial because everyone has different opinions on anger, and what to do with it. The opinions and thoughts and beliefs that I have here on anger come from my personal experience and from lots of training in both Western and Eastern medicine and science, indigenous practices, as well as practices that come from a basis in the nervous system and why there is a fight and anger energy in us.

Candice Wu 4:52

And if you are listening, I encourage you to listen to the whole podcast, perhaps in bits and pieces as you need, especially if it’s overwhelming. But do take the time to tune into all the different parts. Because I may say something on one part of the podcast that doesn’t quite make sense or isn’t a full complete idea. And I may complete the idea later in the podcast.

Candice Wu 5:18

You may be working with anger in your own way or you may be a practitioner that is either including some new practices or very well developed in this area. I may be offering some different ideas or I may be missing things. So I’m always open to learning. But this is what I’ve learned in myself that has worked.

Candice Wu 5:40

A couple of weeks ago, I published an episode about commitment and conviction. It was a story about working with my horse in training, Sage and my teacher. In this episode, I mentioned how commitment and conviction require the power and the energy of anger behind us. It requires us to harness that energy so that we can feel more powerful. So feel free to check out that episode as a preface to this one — it’s at CandiceWu.com/commitment-and-conviction.

Candice Wu 6:15

In my experience, anger has gotten such a bad rap. Growing up in my life, I was never allowed to share anger without getting more punished, without receiving anger back. So it was terrifying. And I got all sorts of messages being a girl and then a woman that anger wasn’t allowed.

Candice Wu 6:38

You may have a different experience. And I’d encourage you to notice your own experience and sense for yourself. The place that anger has in your life, in your psyche and soul, and how it is a tool to you or not, or is it an enemy?

Candice Wu 6:55

So this episode is all about tuning into and exploring anger, it’s importance, what it does in the nervous system, and why it’s there. What happens when we repress our anger, and how to work with our anger, so that it actually is an empowering tool that we can use and access when we need it.

Candice Wu 7:15

Before we jump into all that I want to share with you a story that just came through last night about anger. And this story is just channeled through without editing. It’s pretty raw and uncut, unpolished. So take it for what it is and see what it sparks up in you. Here we go.

Candice Wu 7:39

Anger was so misunderstood. It turned this way and that way telling its human with its color and sensation and heat exactly what it needed. It wanted to put its foot down. Just hear me. It had to be known. After all, Anger was trying to protect this body from the rough and scary experiences, from things that we’re not okay. It wanted to alert when it got stepped on or when it was made to feel small or abused or pushed just a little too much.

Candice Wu 8:10

It didn’t quite understand because the human did not want to listen. I am trying to make it a better place and a better situation for you, to protect our grounds, to make it okay again. I just want to create and play again. That’s the point. But the human didn’t listen.

Candice Wu 8:30

So it needed to find a new way. It was not going to be ignored. But it took a lot of energy, so much energy to come racing up into the human and all for it to just be pushed back down.

Candice Wu 8:45

This time, Anger shot up into the human’s body to ignite something to move, pushed right into the arms and shoulders all the way to the fingers in hopes that something could shift and hopes that it could move out of the body and something would happen.

Candice Wu 9:03

But the Captain says “No.” That’s your father. You can’t hurt him. You can’t be angry at him. He is your protection and your safety. You’re wrecking things. Go away. Anger says “But he’s not protecting us, he’s hurting us, Captain!”

Candice Wu 9:22

“Yes. Right. This is confusing. But he is your safety in other ways. And until you’re an adult you need him.”

Candice Wu 9:32

Anger says “okay, I guess I will go away for now. I guess I’ll just live in the shoulders and the jaws and the muscles. I’ll take a lot of energy. But can I come back when it’s safe?”

Candice Wu 9:47

“Yes.” Years go by and the Captain continues to say no to Anger.

Candice Wu 9:54

“But we’re adults now.” said the Anger. The Captain didn’t understand, would not hear it one bit.

Candice Wu 10:03

After many years. Anger resigned. Gave up layer upon layer of energy, locked up all in the body, tension, and pain. Anger was defeated, resigned to its quarters. It couldn’t do its job. It was a sad story.

Candice Wu 10:27

It really wanted for the human to play, to come back out. To use its creativity to go for it, to step into life and live, to be powerful. But that wasn’t the way things were anymore. There was only one hope left.

Candice Wu 10:45

One day when the Captain wasn’t looking, didn’t have their guard up, Anger busted out. The human felt shame and fear. It was overwhelming. But finally, some daylight and air, Anger came breaking through. But it was just so much. It just needed help and needed guard rails. This was all too new. It needed to slow down and have support and understanding.

Candice Wu 11:13

Blowing steam little by little, but this was just a burst. But Anger was not going back in. And the human didn’t know what to do. Anger just pushed and pushed. And finally, the human just had it.

Candice Wu 11:29

One day at all of the movement and all of the excitement, Anger met up with the adult human. And the adult human had learned something different. The adult human could understand and could see Anger. The adult human could see me and stand there and support me while the feeling, the big feeling just moved.

Candice Wu 11:55

And the human began to feel strong again, capable and worthy.

Candice Wu 11:59

Anger felt worthy of being seen and expressing. Anger felt a huge release. A big breath of life could happen again. I can live. I can be.

Candice Wu 12:12

Anger moved out and into the Aethers were it dissolved into nothingness. But it left a message with the human. “I’m always around to protect you to remind you of your power. And in my best form, I am understood and I don’t need to become aggressive, violent, rageful to the point of explosion. Unless you’re really in a life-threatening situation. And I’ll come to your rescue. I can be used to understand your boundaries. I can be used so you can know yourself more deeply and to open your mind. I can be useful to shave off the layers of unsafe moments, fearful moments where I was required to be there. And I can make sure that you can play, be free, enjoy, create and desire exactly what you want to just as you are, just as you were designed.”

Candice Wu 13:19

So I hope you got something from that, that can paint a picture in a different way from me just telling you. But this is a story about a young person who is experiencing some emotional or verbal abuse from their father. And they want to fight back. They want to scream or punch or show their father that this isn’t okay. The anger wants to, the anger wants to protect. But another part of this young person comes in and stops them because it wasn’t safe. Because it really wasn’t a good idea to hurt their father. They do love their father. And in fact, they need their father to survive.

Candice Wu 14:06

Now, this got multiple dimensions. And we can talk about the varying degrees of abuse and what’s okay and what’s not all day. But the point really is that there are often situations where we feel angry, where we feel like we need to protect ourselves or stand up for ourselves. Often we’ve had these experiences growing up or throughout our lives, where we could not use that energy, where that energy, that instinctual protective energy did not get to express itself.

Candice Wu 14:42

There’s a whole spectrum of places that this could happen. Maybe it’s like the story wherein young life, if you spoke up, or if you moved your body in the way that it needed to, to show how angry you were, that you would have gotten more punished.

Candice Wu 15:02

Or maybe it was that there was a car accident you were in, and you didn’t really want to scream at the person that hit you, or that you were just too numb and the body was so overwhelmed, that you weren’t really even present. That’s also another protective mechanism.

Candice Wu 15:23

Or maybe it was your boss that really upset you. You got triggered by something, and you didn’t like how something happened at work, but you might lose your job if you spoke up.

Candice Wu 15:39

So let’s back up a little bit. What is anger? Anger is the natural signal in the body that something’s wrong. It’s a red flag, which signals a threat, where it signals a trigger inside of us based on our perceptions. We can have layers upon layers of anger built up and accumulated over the years by all the situations that have enraged us or brought us even a little bit of irritation, if we don’t let that be acknowledged or moved in the proper way.

Candice Wu 16:12

And if you’re anything like me, and where anger was just not allowed, I had to stuff it down. Anger tells us about fairness, about right and wrong, which is all subject to our own beliefs and perceptions and our own idea of morality. And it tells us if we’ve been violated in some way, whether that’s our hearts and our emotions, our body, or the way that we’re being treated in a relationship.

Candice Wu 16:40

It also could be the way that we’re treating ourselves. We could be berating ourselves or bullying ourselves. And also another part of us could be enraged by that or angry by that. Anger also shows us where we’re rigid in our thoughts, ideas or beliefs and where we might need to look at something in ourselves that wants to open up.

Candice Wu 17:02

Physiologically, the energy of anger is the energy that wants to come up and protect us. Some people may or may not call this anger, as sometimes it’s just having firmness and speaking up and standing up for yourself. If we don’t listen to that energy and use it in the proper way in the present moment, then that’s where it builds up. Or that’s where we may have something incomplete. And we could benefit from coming through that and releasing that energy. When that energy gets built up. It stays in the nervous system, it stays in the body and accumulates as tension and locked up energy, which eventually creates depression.

Candice Wu 17:46

The amazing thing about anger, when we work with it, and harness it, empower ourselves with it and use it intentionally and constructively is that we can recover our wild self or ability to feel powerful within us and outside of ourselves, where we can protect ourselves and feel confident that we can navigate life, that we are able to create what we want in life, that we’re worthy of it, we can do it.

Candice Wu 18:13

In observation of animals in the wild that have fought against a predator and protected themselves, or if they’ve run away safely, what they do when they’re safe or when they’re social animals with their peers, then they do something called Pronk. They pronk. They celebrate that they’re alive and they stand proud and are excited and happy. So we need the energy of anger to inform us. And when we repress that anger, it doesn’t get to do its job.

Candice Wu 18:46

At the very deepest core of anger, as the story that I shared with you had suggested, is that anger connects up with our absolute creativity, our divine creativity that is unique and special to who we are individually. So what we want in this life, what we desire, and what we want to create, what we want to do, how we want to relate to ourselves in the world, that’s all connected to anger.

Candice Wu 19:16

Think about it, when you want something, when you’re totally going for it and you’re just running towards what you want, whatever that is, something you’re creating in your life, a person that you want to be with or reaching out towards someone, if this gets stopped, if something runs into your pathway, some part of you could get angry.

Candice Wu 19:39

This is connected directly to the energetic channels in the body, the Meridians, related to Chinese medicine. The liver energy that’s on the inner thigh, from the ankle up and up towards the ribs and all the way to the eyes, is the energy of creativity and desire, so what we want, and our inspiration, our life. And when that gets blocked up, or something stops it, then the gallbladder energy is related to that energy of putting our foot down. It runs on the outer side of our body, outer leg, all the way to our foot and the pinky toe. So you can see how it’s putting our foot down. Our right to exist and feel safety, to feel like ourselves, and have boundaries.

Candice Wu 20:29

So when anger comes, the energy of the gallbladder fires up. And if that anger doesn’t move through, it can get blocked up in the gallbladder channel. And also, therefore, blocking up the liver channel, which is its sibling channel. So these are paired and cycle up and down the body, cycling through the inner and the outer parts of the body. And so as one gets blocked, the other one does, too. And that begins to create depression. Our life force becomes stifled and we numb and we go into overwhelm. It’s where it is unsafe to express the anger or the protection, where we leave it in the body and let it build up as tension as the story suggested earlier. And as I see in my work with my clients, and myself, and what happens in depression, I’ve experienced it myself. And I started to believe that I’m not enough, I’m worthless, it’s hopeless, I’m unlovable, I’m weak, I can’t protect myself, no one can protect me, I can’t do anything. I can’t get what I want.

Candice Wu 21:41

These are the thoughts that go with that collapse of the system, the overwhelm that shuts us down and that sends us into depression, then we get digestive issues and all sorts of illness and disease tension in the body headaches, eye constriction, fear, and this can happen intergenerationally. We do know that if you have a parent or someone else in the line of the ancestry that’s close to you, that has depression, your chances of having depression are much more likely.

Candice Wu 22:13

And it is to say that the energy of overwhelm, and the fight responses being suppressed and lodged in the body incomplete, that energy gets passed down. And the soul of the family is working with an energy of protection, reclaiming power.

Candice Wu 22:33

The good thing about knowing this is that we can reclaim our power. We can feel complete and strong. We can feel capable and also improve our digestion and muscle tone and feel that life come back, feel our desire and craving for life, the zest for life, be possible. When we come back to the instinctual sense of anger and work with it so that it moves through, then we can have that empowerment back. We can feel more creative, sleep better, have more space in our mind, and our mental ability. Because then our prefrontal cortex that does the thinking and higher processing comes back online.

Candice Wu 23:21

When we’re in a fight mode, when the anger is not moved all the way through, then we’re actually in the place of activation, where all the energy goes out into our limbs so that we can fight and in other cases, run or do something else to protect. But we’re talking about anger and fight right now. So that energy goes out to the limbs to fight. And if it doesn’t get to use that, if it shuts down, because it’s too overwhelming, or if you push it down, because it’s too overwhelming, or have ideas that it shouldn’t be there, then it gets repressed, it gets stuck into our system. And that’s where the higher thinking shuts down too and the digestion. Because all that energy moves out from the core of the body and out into the limbs. It is quite destructive to let that energy just stay in our bodies. It’s corrosive over time, because we’re only meant to be in fight energy for a couple of minutes at a time.

Candice Wu 24:27

If we look at animals in the wild, as Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing, has done, Somatic Experiencing is very powerful in completing these fight responses. And as part of the study that is in my background, and that I use, and so if we look at animals in the wild that are experiencing a threat, they may choose to fight their predator if they can’t run usually. And that only can last a couple of minutes. Either they make it or they die.

Candice Wu 25:03

So if we’re living with it, if it’s lodged in our body, we might not actually feel much if we are numb. If we are not very present with ourselves, then that is the overwhelm that’s the frozen state that is more activated than the fight energy. And to come out of that, the natural progression is to go into fight mode and to move that energy. So how we work with that anger will be to come in this episode and the healing experiential that will follow this main episode.

Candice Wu 25:41

Let’s also talk about the effect on groups and systems as a whole on our communities, our families and the world and society at large when we don’t work with our anger. When we personally repress our own anger or disavow it, push it down. There is an unconscious effect that I’ve witnessed because we are interdependent and sometimes dependent. When we disavow our feelings, especially of anger, then somewhere that anger has to be picked up. And someone tends to feel it the most vulnerable person perhaps to that anger, for whatever reasons in their particular valence, in their history, their culture, or the perceptions that have been picked up over time of who might feel the anger the most. That person can pick it up and feel more anger then is actually theirs.

Candice Wu 26:43

This is something I witness and experience in group relations work in Tavistock. It’s called the Tavistock model of group processing and awareness building. And it’s also something I witness in a Family Systems approach and Family Systems therapy, as well as the only Constellations, the Embodied Healing work that I do with working with the ancestry dead or alive. It’s working with the energy and when we witness constellation where people are representing people in someone else’s family, just to illuminate what’s going on there.

Candice Wu 27:21

If one person who actually rightfully feels anger, or hasn’t rather work through the anger that is living there, someone else in the room can feel it, someone else is picking up on it, or feeling it instead of that person. And it’s often a younger person, a child. So if you are somebody that holds other people’s feelings, or can feel it in the room when other people are feeling things, this may be a way to understand what’s going on.

Candice Wu 27:54

This is also related to Shadow Work, the tossing out or discarding or not feeling feelings that are there and it goes somewhere in your system as well as out of you.

Candice Wu 28:09

So others are affected, and others have to do their own work with whether or not it’s theirs to take on. And if it is all very unconscious, which it usually is, then it’s hard to tell, it’s hard to sense it sometimes. So we look at the world and why are some places in the world extremely peaceful, while other places are erupting with terrorism, with war and rage and are very unsafe places to be, something is out of balance in the world.

Candice Wu 28:42

There was a time period where I was picking up a lot of anger when I was working with the group relations to have stock work that I would feel enraged in a process grip. And I’d have no idea why I didn’t seem to have any rationale. I didn’t have a specific reason to be angry. But suddenly, I’m just filled with it, and can’t really explain it either because the mental processing is not quite online, either.

Candice Wu 29:13

And when I voiced it, when I was brave enough to or could somehow managed to do that, or if I even just expressed it through my body, or words in some way, if someone else claimed some of that anger, if they said, “Oh, yeah, you know what, I’m really pissed off. Because this, and this happened in this room.” And you’re actually feeling the anger that I’m feeling, then I started to feel better, it decreased the load on me. And it was able to see where it belongs to the context of whose anger it was, and mine became a manageable amount. But what I also realized in that process was how dependent I was on other people taking their anger back. And I think that I was getting even angrier when they weren’t taking it back. And so it was just like, layer upon layer of anger. But my work is to have better boundaries, to not take on the anger, to use my own right of having my own energy, and not taking in other people’s stuff, which requires that same protective Red anger, as my teacher calls it, the Red energy.

Candice Wu 30:22

That’s Maggie Klein, who does SE work, she calls it the Red energy. I have to use my own Red energy, anger protection boundaries, to secure my energetic boundary where it unconsciously happens that I pick up anger. For other people, the work is to claim their anger, and to be able to use that energy and acknowledge when they feel angry, or the times they have felt angry in the past, and to work with it, or to get support around the anger because it feels out of control or unmanageable, or they don’t know what to do with it.

Candice Wu 31:06

So just a little sidebar, I want to talk about the messages that I’ve received about anger. Over the years, the messages I received are that, I’m selfish. If I express anger, or irritation, especially to those I love that anger means I don’t appreciate the person if I’m angry with them. If I’m angry, then I’m a bitch. And that may be gendered as a woman. Anger is scary, and has no resolve. There’s no way to come back or redeem yourself if you lose it or if you become angry with someone, there’s no repair, that it’s childish to be angry, that you’re better than that, that you should take the higher road. And I recognized that this is related to the way you express anger or use it.

Candice Wu 31:53

But what happens, at least what happened to me is it told me not to have the anger at all, to just completely dismiss it. And I think that there is a middle space of being able to use it intentionally and communicate it well without attacking a person unless that attack is needed.

Candice Wu 32:12

Other messages I received are that, I’m immature if I have anger. I won’t be taken seriously. I’m a bad person. And there’s no place for anger here. There’s just a lot of judgment that it is not socially acceptable and a lot of stigma about anger.

Candice Wu 32:31

Other messages that I have heard are that it’s corrosive to your health and to people, it’s destructive, which also is true, but there’s more to the picture, it’s corrosive, because we just let it linger, or we let it go out of hand, or if we use it to attack people.

Candice Wu 32:50

What is essential here is just because you don’t feel something, just because you don’t feel your anger, it doesn’t make it go away. So when people say, “Oh, don’t feel your anger, just distract from it and do these things instead.” That might be a temporary solution to help you out of a situation that could potentially go awry and could be useful at times. But if you’re doing that and constantly coming up against the anger, and doing that, it’s a coping mechanism. It’s avoiding the true roots of what’s going on there and what needs to complete itself. What body wants to happen so that it can feel healthier, powerful, and in control.

Candice Wu 33:31

As I listened to myself with all these messages, I feel that we’ve had such an issue with anger, and it is gendered. Often it’s very gendered, where men sometimes are afraid that if they have anger, that they’ll be seen as vicious and scary, or that they’ll get in trouble. Or if they’ve had an experience in their young life where anger was intertwined with aggression, that they did get in trouble, and were given the message that they were bad, shame.

Candice Wu 34:04

And often I work with women who fear being angry at all, because they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. So even when they’re not in the room with the person they are actually angry with, they have a hard time expressing it to me that they’re angry with them. And that was totally me. Even after a couple of years of therapy, it was really hard for me to tell my therapist that I was angry with her after she no-showed on me for like 45 minutes.

Candice Wu 34:34

And she was like “Candice, it’s okay if you feel angry with me.” And I was like, “No, nope, I don’t.” So you can see how much anger was a threat or at least I perceived it as such a threat to a relationship. And I’ll also talk more about why this was for me.

Candice Wu 34:51

I would like to offer some ideas of why anger seems so threatening to both me and perhaps you or other people in your life. And also how anger has been paired up with different energies and actions that have made it scary.

Candice Wu 35:12

For me, anger has been mixed up in all sorts of childhood experiences that were verbally and emotionally abusive, that were completely unrepairable. At that time the adults in my life didn’t come to me and heal the situation, helped me feel safe again, so I didn’t have the support in regulating and also reconnecting in the relationships that the abuse was happening in.

Candice Wu 35:39

So for you out there, if anger has been mixed up in a young experience, it could be quite scary. It could cause our nervous system to activate in ways that are completely overwhelming. And that’s out of our control, no matter how much we can mentally say, we were okay, as a child. And in our nervous system, we don’t really have control of the perception of threat that causes a reaction inside that causes the energy of anger to come up.

Candice Wu 36:12

If there’s been verbal and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, then there is likely anger coming from those situations, especially if those situations didn’t go well or didn’t get resolved. And as I said earlier, on, that if their experiences where you wanted to protect yourself or needed to, and didn’t get to, for reasons of various kinds, or if you appease the person, instead of standing up for yourself and making the situation stop, then that energy might be still waiting for you inside.

Candice Wu 36:53

If you received punishment by a caretaker that turned angry, that was aggressive, or it started to feel unsafe for you, then that could also be a reason that angry is quite scary for me.

Candice Wu 37:08

My father slammed cupboards and screamed at me really often, which was very scary for me, the sound mixed with the yelling and the upset was very activating.

Candice Wu 37:22

So fear and anger often come together. And that makes complete sense, because anger comes, the energy that needs to protect comes when there’s a threat. And so the energy of fear is also embedded in that. For many, anger has been coupled and paired with violence or aggression. And it’s not the case that they have to come together. It seems to me that violence, aggression, and being enraged, where physical violence needs to happen, is the results of either anger accumulated, words come too much or were there was a need a true need to just work with the instinctual energy of protection, the physical need, that our body has to push away or to fight to make something that seems threatening our bad to stop.

Candice Wu 38:22

So while we might not always use that anger in social situations, we still need to discharge it from the body because we are instinctual beings. We have a reptilian brain that only looks out for our safety.

Candice Wu 38:38

Another experience and energy that anger can be coupled with is fame. Fame says that you are a bad person, not just that you’ve done something wrong or bad, but that you are bad or that you are unworthy or worthless or that you should be outcast in, that you’re unlovable.

Candice Wu 38:58

When anger happens, sometimes we perceive that someone’s telling us that we are bad or that it is triggered a part of us that feels that way. Or it literally was the case that it came together. And this leads us to anger time together with abandonment or loss of love, that we fear people will leave us emotionally or physically if we’re angry with them, or if they’re angry with us. And so anger can be such a threat and not even looked at at all.

Candice Wu 39:34

And the last piece I want to look at is how anger can be tied into the judgment of it being childish. We often use the word tantrum with children that they’re throwing a tantrum. And I guess we also use that for adults. And in some ways, it can be a way to bring humor into the situation, to lighten it up a bit to bring more safety. But also saying that something is a tantrum is a way to distance ourselves. It’s to distance and disconnect with the thing that is going on. And to just say, it’s a thing that happens, it has a bit of a negative connotation, but it doesn’t have to.

Candice Wu 40:14

But if we’re looking at young children, and they’re just having a tantrum and we dismiss it as just a tantrum, we made us miss the thing that they’re actually upset from. And we may dismiss that they completely need our support. It’s a cry for regulation and help, it’s to say that this is intolerable and I need acknowledgment, I need help with my emotions, I need a present person to be there so I don’t feel so out of control.

Candice Wu 40:41

And as adults, we need that too. It can be extremely overwhelming and intolerable to feel rage or anger. If we abandon ourselves or if we abandon our children when they’re angry, we leave ourselves, we leave our children alone in one of the scariest kinds of inner moments, intolerable moments that doesn’t get them a way to find completion.

Candice Wu 41:07

I’ve watched some videos where people just stay with their children if they’re having an interruption of anger, and eventually, they kick and scream and that anger moves and they start to want to engage again they start to want cuddles or they feel sadness first and then want to connect with their loved ones. And I don’t think that’s far from what we need as adults too.

Candice Wu 41:33

In this way, anger can be constructive and socially engaging. It can tell us what the other person found was upsetting and not okay. And it can bring us closer together.

Candice Wu 41:45

So as we talk about anger, and expressing it and allowing it, I’m not exactly saying to just let it rip with anyone and at any time. Anger can be destructive as we know. It can turn into violence, but it doesn’t have to. And it can be used as an attack even without violence. And that isn’t always helpful, although sometimes it can be. Sometimes it’s very needed. And if you’re in a situation where you need to stand up for yourself, you need to growl a bit so the other person doesn’t do it again, it really depends on who it’s with, and the situation you’re in, and what you feel you want to do.

Candice Wu 42:30

But I’d like to offer ways to understand the anger and use it so that you can feel empowered and feel that you have acted the way you want to in your life and in your relationships, that it feels conscious and intentional, if you want it to, to use anger in a specific way. And that you can reclaim the ability to have anger if it’s necessary to have in a life-threatening situation or a dangerous situation where you need to literally protect yourself or someone else.

Candice Wu 43:05

There are also different ways to use anger. If you’re in a loving relationship versus with an acquaintance versus with a stranger and the degrees of danger that actually is in the moment, you can gauge how much you need to express it in what way.

Candice Wu 43:25

So if it’s a loving relationship, you may want to work with the anger outside from a relationship before you talk to the person about what you felt. Or you may want to just take a couple of breaths and tone it down inside, work with the energy of it later and speak to it in the moment.

Candice Wu 43:46

If it’s with a stranger and they’re attacking you, you may want to do something different. I’m not saying to just go out and be violent. But there are situations where we do need to protect ourselves. And if we don’t have the energy of anger, and the protective energy ability turned on, if we just go straight into a frozen state, or we just cannot move at all, then we really have a hard time protecting ourselves.

Candice Wu 44:13

But if that’s the case for you just know that you can work with that with a trained professional that works in Somatic Experiencing or other Somatic therapies to bring those instinctual and natural abilities back online.

Candice Wu 44:30

So we already talked about the nervous system a bit and in the work of Peter Levine, and Somatic Experiencing that if we don’t use the adrenaline and energy of a fight response, the anger, the Red energy, then it stays in our system until it gets to be released and gets to complete.

Candice Wu 44:49

So what we want with the present situation, and any past situations that have accumulated as trauma or Intergenerational trauma, Soul trauma, we want to complete those five responses.

Candice Wu 45:04

This also connects to the work of Family Constellations. The ancestral healing work that I do and that is out there in the world, Soul work and Shadow work, also touching in on Chinese medicine and Ayurveda as we talked about with the Meridians and in Yoga Non-Resistance, working with the energy and not resisting it, but choosing how you want to respond.

Candice Wu 45:28

The really cool thing about working with past anger is that if you do it in a somatic way, in a body-centered way and energetic way, you don’t have to work on every single situation that you can recall, or everyone you can’t recall even. Because it touches in on that entire channel of times that you needed to speak up or do something or fight when you didn’t. So you can restore all that energy without doing it all.

Candice Wu 45:58

As I mentioned earlier, working with anger is best with a trained professional if they’re somatically informed, their trauma-informed, and nervous system informed is the best that I found. Because we don’t always notice when our nervous system is going into a frozen or tonic and mobility state, it’s shutting down or completely overwhelmed. And, if that’s the case, we may be re-traumatizing ourselves which isn’t the worst thing in the world. But it might accumulate another layer of energy in the body. It might just get more stuck inside and feel a little more stressful, might feel more activating.

Candice Wu 46:40

If you have the support of someone or you if you’ve trained in it, and you feel like you can support yourself through working with anger, I think that’s fantastic. And some of the healing experiences that I will put out this week will support you even further or just support you along where you’re at.

Candice Wu 47:00

I find it also really important to have a trained professional that is attuned to Developmental Dynamics.

Candice Wu 47:07

So what I mean is the development of us as children all the way to adulthood. Because when certain things have happened in our childhood, at different ages, we needed different things. And we don’t always know those things as adults, what we needed back then, but someone who’s trained and sensitive in that can support that with a lot more ease than you doing it yourself or someone who doesn’t know anything about that. You find a lot of therapists and Somatic Experiencing people as well as Constellations, Family Constellations facilitators may be attuned to those dynamics.

Candice Wu 47:12

The biggest thing to know about working with anger is that it can get overwhelming. And that’s where your nervous system can shut down. And the more you support yourself by taking breaks or working with a professional, the easier it is to move through all that energy. It can be a lot.

Candice Wu 48:06

Anger has a unique way and it wants what it wants, and it’s different for each individual. It’s very primitive, and instinctual, the aspects of anger that we’re talking about. So it’s not as evolved as our spiritual selves, or other parts of our cognitive mind. So that the energy may have the impulse of screaming or biting, kicking, punching, slapping, hitting, pinching, climbing, and growling. Or also mechanical things that give a release, like an explosion or something being shot, a crash of some sort.

Candice Wu 48:45

So when we’re working well, with all this, we can remind ourselves that we’re using this anger with the intentions of healing, and reclaiming our right to feel worthy and protected and check in with what feels right to you.

Candice Wu 49:00

Some people worried that if they think these things like if they’re angry with their friend, and they want to use their imagination, to work through that anger, that they’ll actually be sending that energy to their friend. I don’t believe that exactly.

Candice Wu 49:17

I think that if you’re having the intention of healing, and the anger is there, you can imagine something and let yourself receive the healing from it. Because we usually land in a different place at the end, we usually land in some sort of compassion, or stepping away at a healthy distance. So it’s actually more corrosive to yourself if you leave that anger inside of you.

Candice Wu 49:45

Let’s get into what do you do with anger, when you have it! How can you develop your capacity to feel anger? So that it’s not so threatening if you find it so. And what are ways to release it so that you’re not living with it? And letting it build up inside of you over years, and years, and into your family generational line as well.

Candice Wu 50:07

So personally, the way I like to work with anger is with my healing coach, or a therapist or with myself, and sometimes friends, away from the situation that it is required in, unless it’s really needed in a situation in that very moment.

Candice Wu 50:26

My goal for myself is to have the right amount of that energy come up when it’s warranted, and not loaded up from the past, so if something really threatening happens to me that I can respond accordingly. But if someone in my life that I love does something that just triggers me that it also responds lovingly, but work with any energy of anger that came up in me, aside from that, and a lot of that work with myself then, is in my imagination, and with my body, and what I sense in my body, the sensations and emotions and the impulses that want to come through.

Candice Wu 51:08

So just some basic tips, what can we do with anger, stay present. And notice it. If we let it build up, then at some point, it becomes an explosion. It’s like shaking up a pop bottle. And if we let a little out at a time, then bottle doesn’t explode. But if we just let like, build it up over a lifetime, and open the cap, all the way just blows, just like the story at the beginning.

Candice Wu 51:36

So staying present, noticing it becoming better at noticing where in your body do you feel anger, when it does arise, work with the anger with a trained professional, as I said, or work with yourself to release some of that charge before you take action in a relationship. That is if you can. Because sometimes the protective energy has to happen immediately and in present time. So it’s about acting and not reacting.

Candice Wu 52:05

You might decide that you want it differently for yourself, and you’re okay with a reaction or that’s okay in different situations, that’s entirely up to you and your responsibility with anger. Working with it with yourself, as I mentioned, and not taking it up with anyone might be helpful especially if you recognize it’s a trigger or something incomplete in the past. Use the safety of your imagination to support you in the release of the energy rather than using it in the situation, especially if it’s a loving one. And also, solve your part of the problem, take responsibility for what you need to change to support yourself, or to take responsibility in a situation. And if you have hurt someone with anger, then take responsibility for that or address it and repair it.

Candice Wu 52:57

So let’s jump into a few more tangible ways to work with anger.

Candice Wu 53:01

One is notice where you feel angry in your body. And when you feel it, notice if it feels tolerable or not. If it feels manageable, then stay with it. If it doesn’t, then take a break, sense into something pleasant or look outside at the trees around yourself so the energy isn’t too intense. And if you want to come back to it, and pendulate, you can find a resource on Pendulation, that is sensing back and forth into a pleasant and unpleasant experience on the episode about emotions at CandiceWu.com/emotions. And there, you can also find a podcast on resourcing, that you can resource safety and come back to safety if something feels so intense. And what I found is that we can power through the intensity we can feel through really tough feelings if we’re practiced at them, or if we push ourselves. But that’s not always helpful or useful. And if you resource yourself with strength, and take breaks, even when you don’t feel overwhelmed, it can make all of the anger move a lot easier. All of that energy of a fight situation, the sympathetic nervous system can just fake that tension easier.

Candice Wu 54:30

So as you notice the anger, you can notice the sensations in your body and be free. Let yourself feel if there’s any heat, any movement, an impulse that you have, or a picture in your mind, even color. If you notice in your vision a color, or color comes over you. And if you have the impulse to move, follow what wants to happen, but do so slowly.

Candice Wu 55:00

You might notice in your arms or legs, that there’s tension. Yes, let that tension happen even more. So you’re letting yourself know it’s safe to be here with that tension and unsafe to feel angry, safe to follow that movement. And of course, take a break.

Candice Wu 55:17

Other things you can do with your anger are, you can punch a pillow very slowly, or your couch and just feel the sensation of what that’s like, you can push against the wall and feel your palms, feel the power and strength in your arms. You can do push-ups and push into the ground. But while you’re doing it, feel the energy, feel the heat or feel any sensation that the body has about your anger.

Candice Wu 55:46

You can draw up whatever you’re angry about and picture what your instinct wants to do with it and embody it in whatever way you can just very consciously, stay with yourself, stay with your body.

Candice Wu 56:02

So I’m very generally speaking on how to let the energy of anger do its thing, and find its way to completion, how to notice it. And if this is helpful to you follow along in the healing experiential that I’ll put out later this week, so that you can get more support and feel through it in a deeper way, in a more guided way.

Candice Wu 56:26

Another thing you can do with anger is notice where the anger is in your body and picture it, as a figure, object or color. And see if you can invite it forward, look at it and ask it what it wants you to know. And what it wants you to express. You can imagine how it wants to express it. If it wants to fight or scream or blow something up. Just imagine and let yourself feel through the energy of what happens.

Candice Wu 56:56

You can rip paper just to get the arms moving and to express that energy of anger. You can stomp your feet or imagine a scream. Let the body do as much as you feel is manageable. But slowly, titrate it so that it’s not going too fast. Because that way the body has a chance to integrate it. That way the body syncs up with what your mind already knows. Your mind knows you’re safe but your body needs to get there too. Because when it’s in the energy of fight, it doesn’t really feel safe.

Candice Wu 57:32

My partner shared with me that there are rage rooms. There’s a company and maybe many companies out there that have rooms where you can go in and break things. So you can have 15 minutes on the clock. And a lot of people that experienced it say that it leads them to feel happy and exhausted, but that they are relieved of some of that anger and tension inside of them.

Candice Wu 58:02

Some people also said that this is controversial because it leads to other behaviors. And that may be a fear of yours as you move through some of the anger with movement, or with pushing or with the desire to punch. And if you do that slowly, with a pillow, you’re not really hurting somebody. But if you’re worried about that, causing you to become more aggressive later, I would talk to a trained professional and work with someone to see what’s going on there or to support you in that.

Candice Wu 58:34

But what I found in my work with people and myself is that I end up feeling great and calm. And it’s not something I want to do because that makes sense to me. Because the energy of the anger completes itself. It’s not that it stays there. But if it does, it’s likely that we weren’t very embodied when we were going through it.

Candice Wu 58:57

So as you sense into what your body needs to support the anger to move through, see if you can take off the social appropriateness lens, and you’re not going to do these things in real life. You’re not going to blow up a building, at least please don’t. I hope you do not. But know that these are things you’re not going to be doing in your outer world. But you’re doing in the safety of being with your therapist or healer or coach that knows trauma work, that knows Somatic work, or that you’re doing it with yourself, and you feel like you can help yourself navigate it.

Candice Wu 58:57

So if you’re going to a rage room, and you’re using an axe, to crush everything, everything in the room, and you love it, great! But make sure you stay embodied. That means, to feel your feet in your arms and notice what you’re swinging at. And see the results, seeing the result of what you picture in your mind or the real result happening can support the discharge of the fight response so that it’s over. And that’s the point.

Candice Wu 1:00:11

The point of it is to let the energy discharge and to help your body feel safer, healthier, more powerful. It’s not to train yourself to do this in your outer world, in your relationships, or in your job. It’s not that at all.

Candice Wu 1:00:26

So that’s where you can remind yourself that it’s okay to express anger, whatever way that your imagination wants to. Whatever way that the impulse wants it to happen. Because you’re not really going to do it in the actual real life.

Candice Wu 1:00:43

So if you’re experiencing anger, and it’s challenging, or you’re numb, and you need support with this, feel free to reach out to me. I love working with people on reclaiming their anger, reclaiming their voice, their ability to feel powerful in themselves. And it’s quite fun. Because when you do it with someone else, you can discharge the energy in a playful way. It can be like playing like we’re wild animals and tigers and growling at each other. Or we can do a role play and experience speaking up and shouting the way you want it to or saying words in a stern way to create your boundaries. And that can be incredibly empowering. You may never use those ways of communicating more expressing in real life. But to be able to is another story. It’s just like going to a karate class and being able to learn how to fight, to use your body and let your muscles know how to do that. But then walk into the world and be incredibly peaceful with your life or know how to protect yourself if you need to, but maybe you never need to. And it’s not something you’re just going to use out in the world to hurt people.

Candice Wu 1:01:56

You can also reach out to me and share with me how you are doing on this journey, what you’re experiencing? And check out the healing experiential this week that will relate to working with your anger. We’re going to do some Lion’s breath, which is a Yoga technique combined with some Somatic Experiencing work of letting anger release out the mouth and picturing a scream.

Candice Wu 1:02:20

We’re going to work with a person, a relationship that you feel anger in and what to do with that and will work with sensing into your anger in your body and asking it what it needs. Letting it have what it needs, in your imagination, and in your own space of safety, where you can completely embody it slowly in a way that allows it to complete.

Candice Wu 1:02:47

Thank you so much for listening in today and engaging with this material. If you have questions or comments, again reach out to me. If you’re not sure if you need support, I would encourage you to take up a free consultation of 20 minutes from me. And we can talk about what you might need, what you want for yourself and if it might be a right fit to work together. And I have plenty of awesome practitioners out there that I refer to. So if I’m not the right fit, I will likely have an idea for you.

Candice Wu 1:03:21

As we close the podcast today about anger. I want to remind you of the story that I shared in the beginning and wish you all the sense of power, play, and creative joy that you were designed to feel and that anger was designed to support you in protecting. I am just hoping that you find your own life, aliveness, and brilliance and know that anger, allowing yourself to use anger as a tool is one of the most powerful ways to step into your true self and be yourself and totally love yourself.

Candice Wu 1:04:03

So wishing all of you can find that true love for yourself and look forward to tuning in with you on the healing experiential. You can find them all at CandiceWu.com/anger.

Candice Wu 1:04:17

And if you would like to tune into more podcasts you can find the whole collection of healing experiential topics and interviews at CandiceWu.com/podcast and also join into my Embody Community on Facebook and my bi-monthly newsletter at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:04:38

Sending you my love and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
Hello, thanks for joining me today. This is a special healing experiential, working with anger or working with energy in the body that you want to release. You can listen to the full podcast about anger, as well as check out the other healing experientials that are offered within this podcast at CandiceWu.com/anger.

Hello, and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

We've been talking about anger and how to reclaim the ability to use anger in our lives, where it's appropriate, and where we can reclaim the ability to use that, then we also reclaim power, trust, confidence, and the ability to assert what we want and need in our lives. As I mentioned in the full podcast about anger, that it's best to work with a trained professional who's trauma informed, but these are a few practices that you can do on your own, and just a reminder to stay gentle with yourself and to take a break and pendulate or resource yourself when you need that.

If you're unsure of what I'm talking about, I have recorded audio experiences that you can use to practice this. You can access those healing experientials at CandiceWu.com/emotions. There's a resourcing safety and pendulation. The thing about using both of those tools is that the anger or the intense energy can just move so much easier. If you don't mind really intense experiences, that's okay, you can try to power through, but I don't recommend it because we can move these emotions and energies through with much more ease.

Today, we're going to work with lions breath, which is on old yogic technique, but it also aligns with working with screaming and releasing the energy of a scream or energy of the need to protect ourselves that can come with anger, but that can come with overwhelm or the need to assert your boundaries. The thing about working with just one technique is that you might not be feeling the anger or this might not be the appropriate technique for you, for your anger to be expressed, it might want something completely different. So, you can also check out the other two healing experience that are following this episode, which is working with anger when you are angry with a person, anger in relationship, working with that anger so that it's a little less intense before you actually approach a relationship if you do, and the third healing experience of working with the anger and seeing what it wants, in all the ways that anger might express itself or the protective energy might want to be used through the body. So, that may be one where you can tune in and sense what your body specifically needs.

But today, we will work with lions breath, which I think is really fun. So, let's jump in. I invite you to begin by sensing and word. Notice your breath just as it is, any emotions you feel what's happening inside your body right now, and before we jump into what might be intense or unpleasant sense into something that feels good, whether that's looking around, and looking at something that feels pleasurable to look at or imagining a person, place or a thing that makes you feel safe.

Let that wash over your body as if you're feeling it right now, tuning into that connection with a pleasurable thing or the thing that makes you feel safe, and this will be a resource for today.

When you're ready, recall an experience where you felt angry, irritated, violated or were you needed to protect yourself. I would recommend choosing something that's light to medium, depending on your own experience with working with your own anger. If you feel more experienced and more embodied, choose what's right for you, and you may go for something deeper, but if this is new to try something that's mildly irritating. This could be a situation where you wanted to speak up but didn't or you wanted to say no to someone or tell them what you felt or make them stop doing something that you didn't like or any situation that you just got triggered, and felt upset and angry.

As you imagine that situation, notice that you're here in the present moment in your space, listening to my voice, and that you can stop and take a break anytime and sense into your resources. Now, when you're ready, take a deep breath in and fill up your lungs as if you're going to scream, and when you exhale, release the breath really loud or as loud as you can in your space right now, long and stick your tongue out at the same timeaas far out as it goes, it'll sound something like this, haahhhhhh.

And let your tongue stick out for as long and as far out as it can go as that energy of anger or irritation or expression comes out. As my teacher called it, the red energy. Feel the muscles in the face working and feel the breath moving through your body, and repeat this as many times as you want to. And the next time you do it, add in your hands. If you bring your palms face up as if they're forward from your body, like, you're saying, “Oh, not me or stop.” The next time you breathe out with the lions breath, use your fingers by tensing them up and bringing them to as if they look like claws like lions claws, and feel the muscles in the arms and fingers work and activate. Notice anything sensation that comes up or through the arms.

Some people feel tingling, heat, tension move. Some people feel tears or a huge release, some people want more. And while you're doing this, you can imagine the situation that you brought up, and you can imagine the kind of scream or release that might feel completely satisfying in that situation. If you're in a space, you can't make much noise, that's okay, because you can imagine in your mind the volume or the kind of roar or growl that would be needed for your body to feel satisfied in this situation that you're recalling, in this moment right now, the impulse of your body, and this anger. You can even imagine you're a tiger or a lion or some animal that's growing and showing its teeth or that you're a person and you're screaming your head off, but imagine the impact that you have on the situation as you've screamed or as you've growled, and given the energy, sent the energy out of back off. I mean it.

Feel everything that's happening in your face, in your throat, your jaws, your teeth, your eyes, your fingers, and your arms, and allow whatever you're feeling to move, evolve and be felt, and whenever you need a break, release your hands, come back to normal breath, open your eyes if they're closed, sense the spacer and then come back to your resource, the thing that felt safe, person, place or thing or just looking at something in your space that feels pleasant to look at, and let yourself take that break.

And if you choose to go back and see if there's more tune into the thing that you felt angry about that irritated you, and just check to see the intensity level of this emotion now, is it the same? Has it changed? And if you want to if there's a desire from the body from the inside, to do more, you can play with it. Repeat this as many times as you'd like to, and check in with yourself often to see if you're feeling overwhelmed, and if you are, take a break, and if you sense this, the moment before you're overwhelmed, it's a great idea to take a break there. Just to let this energy move through with more ease with more lightness, and remember to keep a level of playfulness with this. Imagine you're just playing with being an animal and reclaiming your wild self, but at the same time using as much ferocity and protective energy as you desire, and practice that you might use a mirror to see what your face looks like and to see if you can actually scare yourself, and when you feel complete with this, go ahead and go back to your resource. Sense what brings you safety or look at something pleasant and feel that all over again in your body.

I'll give a little bit of silence here as usual in the healing experiential so that you can work with it a little more if you want or feel free to click on the show notes where the healing experience begins, with the directions begin and do the process over again. You'll know when this experiential ends when you hear the concluding music of the podcast, and as you move through more with yourself, if you choose to, feel free to sense my presence with you in the room, sence my support and me cheering you on and being there with you.

Candice Wu 0:00
I'm so glad you're joining me today. Today's healing experience is working with anger when you have anger in a relationship or you feel angry with someone. This is part of a series around anger and reclaiming the ability to use the energy of anger, to feel empowered. The full episode is at CandiceWu.com/anger.

Hello, and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

This is the second healing experience that's connected with this episode. The first one is screaming and using the lion's breath or growling using your voice, and the third one that will be coming out after this is sensing what your anger specifically needs to be expressed and to release. Just like the first healing experience where I recommended that you use the resourcing and pendulation exercises, before this, I would recommend that now. You can find the guided resourcing and pendulation audios at CandiceWu.com/emotions. Now, let's jump into it.

When we feel anger in a relationship, it's typically that something got triggered in us, something in us doesn't feel okay, maybe we feel violated or our feelings are hurt or that we have boundaries and they were crossed. Sometimes, that something that really happened in the relationship and it went too far, and sometimes its internal where this situation resembles a past experience or an experience that someone in our lineage has experienced where viscerally we feel upset, where we feel angry, irritated or like, heat is rushing up to our heads and arms, and our fists are tight or shoulders become tensed. That's the red energy as my Somatic Experiencing teacher would call it, Maggie Klein. And whatever you call it, if it's related to anger, if it's a fear, whatever it is, we can work with it before we step into our relationship or before we approach the person that is our loved one or an acquaintance or a friend, if we choose to.

I recommend working with this anger or protective energy with yourself, with a therapist or a healing coach, somebody who is trauma informed or can work with the body sensations around anger. If your practiced with yourself, you can also work with yourself or follow along in this guided healing experience, and of course, I still recommend working with someone even if you're using this audio. At anytime that you feel overwhelmed, like always, I recommend taking a break, looking around your space so that you can orient yourself to here and now. Also, feel your feet or touch your body so that your body feels its container. And speaking of the container, let's start with that, just take a moment and touch your body from head to toe. Feel the sensation of your hands on your body, just feel that you're here, that you have all of your body here with you.

And when you are ready to, just release your hands and notice how you're feeling inside. Feel free to close your eyes if you'd like to or look down or keep them open. It's up to you.

Now, when you're ready, invite yourself to picture a relationship where you feel anger. This could be isolated to a moment where you felt angry or irritated with someone or irritated in an interaction or it could be a situation you feel angry almost all the time or more frequently. If this is your first time working with anger in this way, I recommend just choosing a moment that's more mild or momentary in a relationship that's somewhat safe.

To ask you, picture this person and the situation that got you angry or feeling violated or protective. Notice the person and place them as far away as you need to so that you feel safety, that may be across the room in your mind or maybe five blocks away, a mile away out and outer space. Just see what you need right now.

When you're ready, invite that person in your mind to come a little bit closer, so you just feel a bit of the sensation of irritation or anger or whatever comes up now.

Notice we're in your body you feel any anger, irritation, heat, tension, all of that's the protective energy of the body. You might notice tension in your jaw or teeth, and your eyebrows, constriction in your eyes or tension in your fists, like your hands clenched up. Check in with your shoulders and your arms, and also your legs and hips where a lot of that fight energy is stored. Notice your ankles and your feet, and any impulse of the body. And also, notice your voice. There's any desire to say something or to scream or express anything.

If you're feeling numb, or nothing's happening, even though you know you are angry with this person, then I would recommend taking a break, doing some self-touch again and sensing into your space, orienting. If you're tuned into your anger, notice what your anger wants to do. Follow any movement or the tension that exists, so, if you feel tension in your arms, let it tense up more. Is it exaggerated by many degrees, what would it do? And this doesn't have to be rational or appropriate, but just see what your body would want to do to express this anger. Luckily, this is not real life, and I do not recommend you doing this in real life with this person, but that you get to do this and the safety of your private space, and tuned in with me right now. No one else has to know what came up for you, what you truly want to say or do, but really, it's what your body and your instincts and the animal body in you want do, because your higher wisdom and higher self might want to do something different.

But for right now, we're making way for the instinctual part of us that wants to have a fight or wants to yell at the person or tell them what we feel, and if you are in this private space where you can do that, I invite you to let your body follow through with a movement that wants to have, maybe it's clawing a pillow, maybe it's pushing against a wall or shaking a pillow, to imagine shaking the person into waking up or hearing you. If your body wants to scream something or say something to them, you can imagine that in your mind while saying the words out loud.

So, take some time to sense what your body wants here, and don't worry, because if this is new to you, this might not be that easy, might take some time before it opens up or the next movement happens or for you even to notice, “Hh, there's a little tension in my shoulder.” And if I tense that up more or let it happen, what happens now? Still allow whatever's happening to happen, and give voice to whatever anger is there. You might say out loud: I feel angry with you. I feel angry with you because or don't do that again or you can't treat me that way. However, your anger wants to express itself or be known, allow that to happen now, nd feel my presence here in support of you with whatever wants to come through, it doesn't matter what it is without any filter, because you're not going to say this out loud to this person in this particular way, so, you can be free to express it how you want to now.

And take a break, anytime you need to. Notice your surroundings and feel your body with some self-touch, feeling your feet, your legs and noticing any sensation that might be moving through any emotion.

And for today, just taking a little check to notice this person again that you feel some anger or irritation with and check to see where you are now. Is your level of irritation or anger different? Is that the same? What's left over or what amount? Feel free to continue to work with it if you'd like to or just stay with sensing into your body now, resting, taking this break so that your body can integrate what already happened.

It's really good to let your body have the time to absorb and to feel into safety, to feel that your present here and now, and you can even shift your mind to something that makes you feel good or like yourself, an activity or an object in the room just to give a little boost to the pleasure in your body, and take a moment to honor yourself. Thank yourself for doing this practice, and in some cases, having the courage to go there, and in some cases, having the courage to not go too far and just stay in the pleasure or safety by just dipping in and coming out of it like we have today.

I'll stay on a little longer with some silence as you sense into the present moment and the space that you're sitting in, feeling into any pleasure, noticing the difference and changes in your body, if any. And at the end of the silence, you'll hear the music that concludes this healing experiential.

Thanks so much for joining me, and I'll leave you with sensing in and allowing yourself to feel my presence with you.

Candice Wu 0:00
Hello and welcome back. This is the third healing experiential connected with the episode about anger and how to embrace and reclaim your anger, for confidence, power boosting and being in your alignment with yourself, being in your full power. You can find the full podcast at CandiceWu.com/anger.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having cocreative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Just like with the other two experientials in this series, I encourage you to have worked with inner resourcing and pendulation. You can find those healing experientials in a guided format just like this experience on the podcast series about emotions, and that's at CandiceWu.com/emotions. If you go to that site and scroll down, you'll see the three healing experiences that connect with it and one of them is Resourcing Your Inner Strength and Safety and the other is about pendulation, about moving from pleasant to unpleasant experience.

I recommend having that ability so that when you're moving through anger, or the emotions and sensations that come up around anger, that you can resource yourself with safety, so help your body through it, and come back to a feeling of safety so that the anger can move through with more ease, that it's not as an intense experience as it needs to be.

If you like the intensity of it, no problem, that's just fine. It's just that it's not always as easy for the nervous system to integrate, if you do it that way. So I recommend taking breaks by pendulating, when you feel overwhelmed, or before you even feel that way, just take a break, take a pause, look around or do that in a resourcing technique that you have built for yourself.

So now let's jump into this experience.

This is working with any anger that you have inside. So with whatever situation that draws up anger, irritation, rage, or an intensity of a protective feeling, you can work with that here. In this experience we'll be using the tools of visualization, and embodiment and letting the body move, the sensations and emotions through, as well as talking with the anger that's in you and see what it wants to express. So this sort of talking with this part of you might require some practice, it may not come very easily at first and it's also not a thinking process. It's more like, you ask and you sense, you sense into that feeling and allow it to show you what it needs. So let's jump in.

Make sure you have ample time, I would suggest at least 20 minutes so that you have some time to integrate whatever happens in this experience and to also come down from any intensity, if there is that, and to let yourself have some rest before moving on to the next thing.

Let's start with a little grounding. So just take a few moments to notice your breathing just as it is right now. Allow yourself to release the stress of the day, release any work, anything that's weighing on your heart. Let go of any plans or future thoughts and feel in your body where your breath reaches and where it may feel blocked. And as you feel inside, sense any emotions that you're having. Notice your body's temperature. Sense and visualize where there's any tension or holding, as well as any other sensations or desire to move. You might notice tingly sensations, aching, a warmth. Noticing anything that's there.

Now I invite you to call up one piece of anger that's living inside of you, one experience or situation or relationship that you're in that brings up a feeling of anger. It also might be irritation, frustration, rage. As you sense into this feeling, you might have an image come to your mind of a situation you're involved with or the thing that brought this feeling on. And allow yourself to just picture it if there is one, without thinking too much about it and if there isn't an image, that's okay. Whatever you're sensing now, feel downward into your body, feel into your heart, your gut, your hips, your legs, ankles, feel into your shoulders, and arms, as well as your hands, neck and jaw, your face and eyes and just sense where there's any tension, any holding or tightness. And whatever's happening if you feel muscles tightening, allow them to tighten. If you feel heat or tingliness allow that to happen.

Notice where in your body, there's any sensation or emotion, where's the energy located? And if there's a place that the anger resides in a larger way, sense that space. Sense any colors or textures that come with it. And as you breathe, let your breath honor it with a gentle compassion and witness.

And now I invite you to draw the energy of this anger or irritation, frustration or rage draw that energy forward as if you're inviting it in front of you to look at. And as you look at it, notice what it looks like. Be open to any image that you sense if it's an object, person, color, a part of your younger self, whatever it looks like. And with lots of love and awareness, ask it: “What would you like me to know?” And listen to whatever it tells you or shows you without any judgment or filtering. Pay close attention to the little whispers of anything it says, or if it's screaming at you.

What do you want me to know? And with whatever it's sharing with you acknowledge it, take it in, and honor it. Just listen.

And if there's more, just pause this recording and stay with it or take a break anytime. And if you're ready to go on, ask it: “What do you need to release?” How would you like to express your anger and let it show you or share with you however it wants to express itself, in whatever ways it needs to show you the amount of anger it feels.

And as you see, however it expresses itself through screaming, throwing things, or even in silly ways like stabbing forks into pillows, or whatever it wants, stay with it and feel in your body any movement or sensation that's happening. Just let your body follow any movement that it has, any movement that it wants. If it's following along with that anger, stay with yourself and feel what's happening inside of you as you continue to picture how this anger wants to express itself. And see for this anger, exactly the kind of outcome it wants to have.

See the results of the expression of this anger, irritation, frustration or rage without any need to be socially appropriate, just whatever wants to come through in your imagination, in your feeling sense. The beauty of it is that even though it's not real, it's in your visualization, in your imagination, your psyche doesn't really know the difference in terms of how it feels to the nervous system and the soul, and so it can release all of what comes with it, little at a time.

So when you need to take just a pause or a break, notice your breath. Just release that for a moment and come out and look into your space and just notice anything that looks pleasant around you. Notice your feet and give your toes a little wiggle. Feel any shift in the body as you just take a moment's break.

And you can take as long as you want here to take a break. Just feel free to pause the recording if you'd like. But when you are ready, feel free to come back to this anger, irritation, rage or frustration. And just check back in and ask it: “What else do you need?” Just listen and let it tell you or show you.

You're just being the anger whisperer and giving it some love so that you can be with yourself and that you can let this feeling move through. See anything else that it needs and whatever it tells you, see if you can give that to this part of you, in your imagination or in your body and see how it's feeling and notice how you're feeling in your body.

You may feel like taking another break or going in for another round and just seeing what else it needs. But if you're ready now to step away and close, think this part of you, think the anger, rage or frustration. Notice where it's at now and what's left over, or what it wants now. And honor it for exactly where it is at the moment.

Now come back to yourself and take your hands and just do a little bit of self-touch, giving yourself a hug or placing your hands on your heart or touching your legs and giving them a squeeze. Whatever feels good to your body at the moment. And as you become aware of the space you're in and what's around you, attune yourself to something that smells or looks pleasant.

Come back to here and now and allow whatever's happening in your body to continue to happen.

And now I invite you to give your body some quiet time to rest. Integrate what's happened without any thinking but just being, and after this quiet time you'll hear the music at the end to let you know that this recording is over.

And I look forward to seeing you next time and as always, if you need support, please reach out to your healer or therapist or feel free to reach out to me, and now I'll leave you with that quiet time.

Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is about being in ease, doing what feels good, and being in your true flow in harmony with yourself and also aligning to pleasure as the key to Prajna, complete action.

Candice Wu 0:22
Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57
Before we jump in today, I want to mention a really special interview that I'm going to be on, called In Response: Interviews with Intriguing Internalizers by Mia Park. Mia Park was one of the guests on the Embody Podcast and also an old friend from our Yoga training together, advanced Yoga training. And, she's doing thoughtful interviews with all sorts of people all around the world most they're her friends and delighted to be on the show.

Candice Wu 1:29
If you want to tune into how I've been experiencing the outer world, especially during this time, internalizers, according to Mia are thoughtful, creative, sensitive spirits who internally process life in rich and unique ways. And these interviews are live-streamed on her Facebook and YouTube accounts. And so you can tune in and ask me some questions if you want during it live and hear a little more in-depth about what's been happening with me and how I've been internalizing and they just say everything.

Candice Wu 2:04
You can find the info linked to the show notes here and also there will be a short link that's at [CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview](https://CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview). The live interview is going to be taking place on May 30th, Saturday at 12 pm Chicago time at Central Time, USA, May 30th. So hope to see some of you tuning in that would be so fun to see you out there alongside us.

Candice Wu 2:37
This episode is sponsored by the Embodied Healing group that happens monthly. Join me and one or two others for a group healing experience that supports you in feeling more present in your being, more capacity to meet yourself in your daily experience, and build the tools to navigate whatever it is you're going through that come from Somatic Experiencing, Family Constellations, an integrative blend of all sorts of indigenous and Embodied Healing practices. You can find that along with all of the other offerings at [CandiceWu.com/offerings](https://CandiceWu.com/offerings).

Candice Wu 3:16
Over the years, I've found that it has taken actual practice to do what feels good, to do what feels easeful, you'd think it would just come easy, not for me, and it seems like not for most people. But luckily, it does come easier and easier. And this is really working on our state of being, being in joy and doing what satisfies us on a deep level.

Candice Wu 3:45
I want to give a shout out to a listener, Jean, who really is interested in this topic of Prajna, complete action and has also encouraged me to talk about it more on the podcast.

Candice Wu 4:00
I love the concept of Prajna. And it's something that I've worked with, to be more in line with overall the years of my life. It's doing what feels so complete in the moment because you're clear in your intention, you're really connected with why you're doing something, and in an easeful, natural, organic way, so you know why you're doing something, and when you do it, it's satisfying already in the act of doing it. It is already complete in the act of doing it because you don't expect anything further from it. But, when we're so intentional, complete, and that intention comes from a very true place and is aligned with who we are, aligned with our deepest values and the moment, what wants to particularly come through us in this existence, then we have typically some really beautiful gifts that come from it. Beautiful outcomes, beautiful returns, or abundance that just come full circle. Because it already is a circle in itself. It's complete. It's an integrated action that doesn't ask for more.

Candice Wu 5:33
And in so doing, it's so whole that abundance and beautiful things just want to follow. And it is like a gift from the universe, from life itself, to receive what comes your way after something. And it's so nice because you don't truly expect it and it's almost you're coming from a neutral place where you don't push or pull in one direction or the other, where it's okay if you didn't get what came to you. And it's just delightful that it did come.

Candice Wu 6:11
I just finished reading Tosha Silver's book, It's not your money. And in that book, there was this lovely quote that relates to this and I'll read it too. “Ironically, when you let the divine take the lead, old desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave.”

Candice Wu 6:40
So you may have wanted something in the past, old desires, but when you let divine take the lead, she says all desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway. So the things that you probably wanted, will likely come and she says as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave. You're not beholden to these things that you expect and tied to them, tethered to them, and living out of this need for them.

Candice Wu 7:15
And I love the word, “their slave” because that really gives that punch in the gut feeling of how we are bound to certain outcomes and they really enslave us.

Candice Wu 7:28
So with action that is complete in the moment that is so pleasurable or delightful or so in line with what you believe in, and you are doing it because you believe in that. And it doesn't have to be some giant thing. It could just be because it's pleasurable, and you're worthy of it, and it's enjoyable and you love doing it, then you really are in a state of being in freedom, and delight and joy. And from there all possibilities of more freedom and abundance can flow, you're in a flow.

Candice Wu 8:10
If you've been following the podcast, you know, I've been talking about having this identity crisis with the podcasts like, what's this going to become? I need a break. I don't know what to do with this. Something doesn't feel right. And you know, what's been happening is that if I feel inspired, I just talk and do something on the podcast. And if I don't, I just wait and possibly do a rerun episode right now.

Candice Wu 8:38
I'm just letting the flow of whatever feels interesting to me come through. And that connects right with that topic of Prajna, complete action and doing what feels pleasurable. So I realized that I don't have to figure out what this podcast is about. I mean, it's about embodiment. Of course. It's about loving yourself. It's about deepening in your presence of who you are. That's all really the same. But I don't know, I thought there was some sort of format that was going to shift or come through. And it actually has, some of these episodes are shorter and some of these episodes just go straight to an experiential instead of having like, many connected to them, which I was doing in the past.

Candice Wu 9:24
I had that astrology reading recently from Elena S. — instagram.com/hiddengiftastrology, and she's amazing. So right on.

Candice Wu 9:34
And in that last reading, as I mentioned, maybe a handful of episodes ago. She said you will be going through a shift in who you are in the public and in your relationships. And so naturally, that's all happening. It was happening even before she had told me that, and with this podcast as well. And I realize, you know, this identity crisis is really about me, it's really about what's changing and breaking down in me.

Candice Wu 10:10
The other day, it felt like there was an earthquake rippling through my body, like breaking my body in half. Luckily, I have enough capacity to be with myself through that experience now, and I had a lovely, loved one that was with me on the phone and just being present with me. That felt so helpful. But there's this dismantling happening on the inside and I imagine a lot of you are going through that too, like, what's breaking down inside of you? What's been here for some time and wanting to make its way through so that you can be more you and you don't have to define that.

Candice Wu 10:58
So what I realized, long story short is what I realized is that you don't have to make some giant proclamation of who you are. It doesn't have to be like a coming-out necessarily, or some structured form that you define and declare, although structure can be wonderful in certain occasions when it's helpful? But maybe your way now is to not be so structured or certain but to allow things in their raw form, in there maybe quivery, wobbly, revealing, and emerging state come through.

Candice Wu 11:41
It's precisely for that reason that I love watching horses that have just been birthed, babies, fowls start to learn they have legs and slowly find a little bit of balance, like super wobbly balance with them, fall over, maybe take one little step, and then just wipe out. I love watching it. Because it's so sweet. It's so natural. It's what we're here to do. Be in ourselves totally, exploring, coming into this moment, and just being with the moment, however, it is in its newness and its uncertainty, in its development and allowing that to take its shape as it goes along.

Candice Wu 12:33
Luckily, I am still near the ocean and I think it's really helping me because I have been in surrender mode and just flowing with where things take me and definitely feeling the waves of intensity, forward and back. But what I'm finding is this process of surrender and tuning into what's pleasurable and joyful and allowing that to take the lead, gets us to what we're uniquely here to do, and to experience. There's this unlearning, unconditioning, unknowing, and undoing of layers of beliefs and messaging and shoulds.

Candice Wu 13:26
And in this time of Coronavirus 19, we get to see the outpouring of our lives as they have been untouched in its full momentum for many years. Now we have had this giant shift. I guess I wouldn't say break because for some it's not a break, but very intense contrast to what our lives have been for most of us, and we get to see what we created unintentionally and intentionally.

Candice Wu 14:00
And it's not to say that things are your fault, or if you got sick, it's your fault, or if someone is experiencing real hardship, it's their fault. It's not that at all. It's just that what is it that you're here to learn, do, and be? And what is this particular time showing you? What the body knows through our lineages creation is also here. Meaning, what is the action over time of things that are through the ancestry. Things that are unintegrated and integrated. What is the knowing that's passed down through generations, and what needs to be looked at so that it completes itself? We get to see what we're attached to or dependent on, what we're drawn to, what we feel we need.

Candice Wu 15:00
And then we get to go to the deeper layers of meeting ourselves, seeing where all that came from, and being with ourselves in those emotions.

Candice Wu 15:12
Of course, you might as well you know, you might also just be watching Netflix and eating and just trying to get through it, so this may not be an incredibly healing time, like a time you focus on going deeper, but it may just be getting through it. And that's okay too.

Candice Wu 15:31
So just going back to the old ways, part of the old ways for me is to plan a form of something, creating a structure and, or creating some intention and moving towards that. Now, it's the softer intention of just letting pleasure lead the way and pleasure in all forms. Sometimes that's just a momentary sensory experience that I get to enjoy and savor. And to let that be the front of your experience can really change your life. It changed mine, at least, when I first began doing that, I was like, wow, I can savor a good experience. But there are so many problems to look at. There are so many things to solve. And just going direct, going directly to the joy, going directly to pleasure, and having it, you're worthy of it. You're here for it, you exist for it.

Candice Wu 16:30
And just think if everyone on the planet did that right now, chose something that felt pleasurable, and even if your experience isn't pleasurable, you don't have access to something, to look at something pleasurable around you, to tune into a color that's around you that's pleasurable or a plant or some part of nature, an object in your space or even touching your body in a soothing or comforting way. We can find it everywhere.

Candice Wu 17:07
And if we all did that, this planet would be really different. If we moved towards what truly is ours, to experience here, and what we want from that deeply connected place of who we are, then this world will be really different.

Candice Wu 17:32
So what makes you feel alive?

Candice Wu 17:35
What makes you feel satisfied?

Candice Wu 17:38
And this is not going to be a similar answer to anyone else. But where do you flourish?

Candice Wu 17:47
And inevitably, when you flourish, when you choose pleasure and joy when you choose what's in line for you, that raises your vibration and if you don't like those words, that expands you, that brings you to a fullness, that is the action that is complete because you chose, it's already pleasurable. You don't have to expect more from it, then that gives a lot to people, that gives people the ability to see, wow, I can choose that for myself too, maybe I'll want to join in that peaceful, joyful, delightful place. It empowers people when you empower yourself that way.

Candice Wu 18:35
So I want to go back to Prajna for a moment because what we're really talking about here is a state of being and with action that is complete in itself in the moment. It's really about the state of being we're in and if that's who you want to be.

Candice Wu 18:56
For a long time in my life, I felt kind of whiplashed and pushed and pulled around by the experiences that would happen outside of me. And I can still get triggered, of course. I can still feel activated inside by something outside and I learned from it. But I see it all very differently now where the experiences outside of me are that chance to get to know something deeper about me, and to grow in my own empowerment, and wholeness.

Candice Wu 19:32
And before it was like, wanting to control what's outside of me. And from that place, I could see this concept of our state of being playing out. I wasn't really working with my state of being. I was coming from a place of doing than having and then being, and that place is the power outside of us.

Candice Wu 20:00
So if I do X, Y, and Z, then I'll have X, Y, and Z. And I will be happy or I will be at peace. So peace came last, joy came last, in that train of events.

Candice Wu 20:19
And so you can see how, that's not quite a complete action because when we do something, to get something else, to feel something, then we rely and depend on all these outer forces to give us some sort of fulfillment or meaning, some feeling or some — we want it to amount to something. And then we feel satisfied. And so you're really subject to the outer world.

Candice Wu 20:51
Whereas, coming from a state of being where you be, do, and then have as a natural outcome of your state of being, this is where we are abundantly connected with ourselves, feel the power from within, to choose our state of being, to take care of ourselves, if that's not the state of being we're in, to integrate fully all the parts of who we are and acting from that place of our state of being who we want to be. But not just mentally defining it being in that state of being.

Candice Wu 21:38
So, if you want to be in peace, or if you want to vibrate on the level of contentment or joy or being at ease in yourself, being in trust, whatever it is, it's connecting with how that feels in your body and connecting with the energy state in your body that goes with it. And feeling that openness where as much of you is on board with that resonance as possible.

Candice Wu 22:17
When I act from this place, I feel deeply satisfied and like, there's nothing more that needs to happen than what just happened and I feel really in the experience. Whether that's feeling anxious in it or joyful in it, doesn't matter. It's just being really in it for what it is, for the sake of being and doing in that experience alone.

Candice Wu 22:48
And then in the aftermath, what pours out of it, I feel mostly neutral about except there is delight, but there's like a grounded delight. There's perhaps even excitement and enjoyment of the fruits of that. And if it's not something fruitful, if it turns out to be some criticism I receive or a dud of an experience, it doesn't feel as disappointing because of that deeper neutrality and equanimity.

Candice Wu 23:22
And when it does feel more intense or activating, where it feels like an intense high or something or a real low, it shows me the hidden parts, the unconscious parts of what I may have been expecting or wanting out of it. Where there's some part of me dependent on an outer source of validation or an outer source to arrive to me. Giving me something that I wanted and I get to see what that is.

Candice Wu 24:06
So the key to all of this, in my opinion, is connecting with pleasure. And as I mentioned, it's simple pleasures and also deeper, more meaningful pleasures.

Candice Wu 24:16
If you're already attuned to pleasure, then it's simple. It's easy to just allow your body to follow it, just like an animal in the wild, knows exactly what feels good. They don't have to think about it. They just do and be and are with themselves in nature, going about their way naturally. And when they're hungry, they go for it. When they're restful and enjoying, they're doing it, they're not thinking about doing something else. It's easy. And so their body is naturally attuned for that.

Candice Wu 24:54
And for us, if we've been attuned to constantly focusing on challenges, hardships, if we've had a lot of trauma, if you've been conditioned to believe that you're not worthy of pleasure or joy, or contentment or peace, or having that has come with danger, then our body protects and says, No, I can't have that. It would be scary to have that.

Candice Wu 25:24
So just respect if that's what your body is going through, and to work with, however, your body is experiencing, diving into pleasure and enjoyment, working with perhaps if your body is overwhelmed, but if your body is overwhelmed, tuning into pleasure can also help it. And just know that if there is a lot of overwhelm in your body that if you tune into pleasure and feel it in your body, it can easily swing back to uncomfortable feelings.

Candice Wu 26:01
In Somatic Experiencing, Peter Levine calls that going into the healing vortex is feeling pleasure or contentment, or feeling “good” feelings. And that will pendulate to the trauma vortex, will pendulate to the things that are uncomfortable.

Candice Wu 26:23
And the way I understand that is that our capacity wants to grow as a whole. So when you feel more expansion and pleasure, you're going to expand in your ability to feel all uncomfortable things too. And those things may surface making more room for pleasure. Or, just poke their heads up and say, Yeah, we want attention too. But you can start with just feeling what's pleasurable in the moment, finding it in your day to day and as you find it and identify it, feel it in your body. Enjoy what's happening. Savor it truly and be present with it. Let your experience be so full that you get lost it.

Candice Wu 27:19
And if being in pleasure, is hard for you, just do it a little at a time, a couple of breaths. If your capacity for feeling pleasure and all sorts of experience, unpleasant as well is very large, then the invitation to dive in deeper and more often is here for you.

Candice Wu 27:43
So… find the sweetness in the day. And if it's possible, create it or move towards it. Feel what your body wants, what it would enjoy, what brings it joy, what lights it up?

Candice Wu 28:02
And to tune into how your body feels when it feels joy, where you feel that joy, how you know that that is joy is a bit of practice. So, take some time for that.

Candice Wu 28:17
Where in my body do I feel joy?

Candice Wu 28:22
How do I know that something feels pleasurable to me?

Candice Wu 28:25
And how can I feel that and can I be with it?

Candice Wu 28:32
Let your mental processing or rationality just step to the side a little bit to make room for what your body knows is deeply enjoyable.

Candice Wu 28:46
And it can be sex, it can be sensuality. It can be whatever is kinky or fun.

Candice Wu 28:55
It also can be what gives your heart satisfaction and meaning. Or, wherever the energy is that just drives you and gives you aliveness.

Candice Wu 29:12
I'll just give you two quick examples of when this happened for me, and it almost like, I didn't even need to think about it. But I've also practiced a lot and not thinking too much, but just following what my body wants is when, recently, in the process of me working on an outline for a book, someone suggested to read other books that are in that same genre and area.

Candice Wu 29:42
And my thought was, I don't want to read. This is so exhausting. Like, I just don't have any room for that right now. And then a friend sent Tosha Silver's book to me, It's not your money, and I just was like, Hmm, this is interesting. And I began to read it. And by the next day and a half, I was done reading it. Yeah, I was just so energized by it, I just kept going. I followed it. And luckily, I had space in my day to do so. And my life supports that. And I've created a life that does support that. So I just read that book in less than two days.

Candice Wu 30:26
And another example is when I really wanted to get a car, just last year. I wanted to get a car that I could camp in and I wanted to create this back area of a camper that I could sleep in. I was super excited about it. I went into full-blown woodworking mode and was constructing these boards for the bottom, the base, and looking into like foam mattresses and all these little like, screens, and things I would need to sustain myself outside in nature, in this car.

Candice Wu 31:06
And I remember my mom asking me, where are you going to camp? What are you going to do once this is done?

Candice Wu 31:12
And literally, I was like, I don't know. I just know I need to do this, like, this just feels so important than good. It was just so satisfying at the time. And I did go camping in it. And it was a very scary experience, actually. I talked about it on the podcast. I'll link it in the show notes if you want to hear about it. But it did lead me to a number of events, a series of important events that gave me information about past lives and helped me feel way more integrated in myself.

Candice Wu 31:47
I haven't gone camping that much after that, but I want to and of course, now that's out of the question with everything happening with the virus but these are two instances where my body just felt compelled to move and do what it wanted to do. And it felt so good. And it really didn't matter what was going to happen after that. It was a lot of fun.

Candice Wu 32:18
And even to the point of making certain stock and investment decisions with my body sense and pendulum, and just trusting the flow of things and trusting that there's something that I know more deeply inside of me that can direct what's right for me to do.

Candice Wu 32:41
And I think there are some losses that come out of that, but it's not really relevant to my concerns. It's not really that important. But I enjoy the state of being. It really works for me and I think if you would have asked me 10 years ago, if this is how I'd be, I would say, I don't think so. That's, you know, to my logical self at that time, it probably wouldn't have worked out. I don't think I would understand how that kind of life would work. But this feels much more easeful and joyful and natural. And it brings back our wild, it brings back what's innate to us, instinctual.

Candice Wu 33:29
So this is just the opening of a very big topic of pleasure as our compass and alignment. I wanted to share that with you today, along with the concept of Prajna and our state of being, guiding us in our lives and feeling flow from within us and our connection with all that is.

Candice Wu 33:53
The other thing too is that pleasure for me has grown, the more I followed pleasure, the more I've attuned to it, the more I can focus on it naturally and it's just part of my every day.

Candice Wu 34:09
Of course, there are times where things are hard and I use pleasure to bring my nervous system into more capacity. And then also on the other side of things, the things that are unpleasant, or have been in the past, have become more pleasurable.

Candice Wu 34:28
I really even enjoy feeling grief now because I get to know myself more deeply. It's like a sacred moment with myself, sadness, anger, even. Sometimes I may not like it, but when I can really be in touch with the feeling, there is some pleasure in it, and just feeling, being alive and feeling.

Candice Wu 34:51
And so with pleasure as our alignment, it also is that pleasure can encompass everything, that more and more of our experience can fall under the experience of pleasure over time as we build our capacity and pleasure is one of the ways we build our capacity. Because our nervous systems says all. There's beauty, there's safety, there's enjoyment, that must mean things are okay, that must mean, Wow. It is beautiful. There's a lot of possibility here.

Candice Wu 35:28
So, just leaving you with, where is pleasure now? And what would you do if you chose pleasure as your alignment and as your way to make decisions? How would your life change? How would this moment change if you touched into and could savor what was pleasurable right now?

Candice Wu 35:58
Wishing you all the pleasure. Wishing you presence with yourself and that you're okay in this time.

Candice Wu 36:05
And as always, if you want to reach out or share, feel free too, you can connect with me at my website candicewu.om.

Candice Wu 36:14
Thank you so much and also feel free to stay in touch if you'd like to, through my newsletter candicewu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 36:24
Thanks so much for joining me today and a little music to transition out. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is not just for the healers and empaths out there in the world, the therapists, helpers, counselors, wellness practitioners, doctors, firefighters, anyone who’s in a caretaking role, but it’s for everyone. In this episode, we look at empathy and where it goes wrong, from what place do we support other people or offer our help or care? Is it from a wounded place or is it from a place of wholeness and loving that goes both ways? We look at how it is that there are subtle ways that we try to save people, but that may be coming from our own fears, and how death, fear of death and fear of pain might be connected or tied up in these interactions.

Candice Wu 0:58

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 1:11

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:29

I want to give a shout out to all of you who support me and the podcast by offering your money and donation to contribute to the behind the scenes production of the podcast. Each episode takes several hours to edit and produce, to format and to publish, and also, not to mention, my own creative effort of sitting with what’s here with me receiving your feedback, receiving information from around me to create something that feels alive and vulnerable, real. So, all of your contributions and donations are so wonderful. I appreciate it so much, and it really touches me that you’re willing to offer that.

Candice Wu 2:19

If the podcast has inspired you in any way or supported you, offered you something and you want to give back, I would so appreciate if you did and checked out all of my offerings that you can receive in return or just to offer donation without anything in return. And I have a new page for all that it’s at CandiceWu.com/support, I used to use Patreon, and we’re in the process now of shifting everything over from Patreon over to my website, just so that all of your every penny can go towards the production of the podcast, and the least amount of processing fees can be taken from that.

Candice Wu 3:03

So, jump on over to CandiceWu.com/support if you’re interested in checking that out, and you can follow the links to my offerings, all of my offerings, my one on one client sessions, the Ally with Death Experience, which will soon be an audio experience as well, the Sound Sleep Album, all of my retreats and workshops, as well as the personal meditations that you can order, and the embodied group call that happens once a month, all of that is in support of the podcast and the new creations that I’m putting forward and developing. Thank you so much for considering donating, and it’s always touching to hear from you, even if it’s to share your feedback about what’s working for you and what’s not on the podcast, and the experientials with the guests or to ask questions and offer topics that you want to hear about, and by just jumping on and listening or sharing it with a friend that you feel might be supported by one of the topics or experientials. Thank you so much.

Candice Wu 4:11

So, welcome to the podcast, I’ve still been in Michigan and enjoying it so much. It’s interesting that everything in my body is calling me to stay very, very grounded. I even tried to schedule a flight to see a friend, and the internet dropped out several times. Their website wasn’t working that the flight that I wanted to get was through my rewards card in my credit card, and so, I kept trying day after day and finally, I gave up on the credit card rewards. I just thought, okay, I’ll just pay for this. And I found a flight that I had been looking at previously, and then it turned to like $500 to go from here to Milwaukee, and it was like forget it, I just take the train, which is only going to, you know, be another hour of train ride, no big deal, and it may cost me like $58 or something like that.

Candice Wu 5:09

It really wasn’t about the money. It was just clear to me though, that I was getting stopped in my efforts here several times, and I listened to those cues, whether that’s a message from the universe, or if you see it, that maybe my spirit guides were sending me a message or just something in me was really not wanting that and it was manifesting or just coincidence. Whatever it is, I like to receive that as a message that I meant to stand the ground. So, of course, I booked an Amtrak ticket, and that just went through really easily.

Candice Wu 5:48

So, I do notice that one thing was moved through easily, it’s usually the right thing with when I’m feeling at ease, when I’m feeling at peace and content, do you notice that in your experiences where are your feelings that decisions come with ease and you feel very at peace? Do you feel that way? There’s a sense in me that even when I feel a little bit of anxiety about something, I first investigate what that is, is it a fear? Or is it something in me that’s telling me, “No, it’s, you’re not really fully in this.” Lately, I’ve been almost, my body is almost demanded that I be 100% in my decisions, in how I spend my time and in what I’m doing in my life at the bottom line, and in that moment, I noticed that I chose to do something recently and it was somewhat a big commitment, and it was only like 95% in it in myself, something and he was like, “Oh, I’m not sure I want to do this.” And I ended up doing it for other reasons.

Candice Wu 7:04

There were some reasons I did want to do it, of course, but while I was experiencing it, I saw all the reasons emerge to the surface as to why I was hesitant. There was a lot in me about the situation as well as I wanted to spend a lot of alone time in doing certain things for myself, that I needed to be doing even just sitting and being present, lately, through all that’s been happening energetically and astrologically. I’ve needed a lot of time to just sit and digest all that’s happening inside and out. So, the information I’m getting right now is for me to be 100% a yes, about the things that I choose in my life. I’m noticing that when it’s a maybe or if I’m not 100%, that it’s a no until I do feel completely all in.

Candice Wu 8:14

I know there are things that I need to do that help, on some level, I don’t want to do like certain tasks. I don’t love doing administrative tasks. I don’t love doing just like the technical things anymore, as much as I used to, and yet, underneath it all, I know, I want to be doing this because that’s for the podcast or that’s for this blog post that I’m writing or the newsletter or something that really comes down to, “Oh, yes, I do want to do that.” So, if I can’t find a reason all the way down to the bottom, then maybe it’s good to just let it go.

Candice Wu 8:54

Before we jump into the episode today, I also want to update you about the past life experience that came up, that I talked about in the podcast two weeks ago. This podcast is at Candice without comm slash deep mystery. If you want to check it out, I talked about how I went camping, slept with a knife in my hands because I made some bad choices, one could say, but those choices led me to reveal a past life memory and its fullness which allowed me to heal on an even deeper level, and where I’m at now is claiming that part of me, that is me, from this past life, that has all sorts of knowing and wisdom.

Candice Wu 9:44

So, after that acupuncture appointment that I spoke about, where this whole memory revealed to me that I was Native American, and had gotten raped by a white man and that my father had to leave me to die, I went in to see what was the next step as far as this memory like, why did I need to be seeing this now and what was it that wanted to reveal itself to me, from me? And where I was led was to claim this young woman that I was, as a Native American?

Candice Wu 10:24

My body gives me confirmation when I sense into and imagine what that life was like, and then I see or think something very quickly, and the confirmation I got was that I was a young girl hitting puberty and stepping into a rite of passage moment of being a woman, and I wanted to do a ceremony that really fit who I was and I was very fierce, was like Warrier, very stubborn. I wanted to do things my own way, very strong, and a leader wanting to be a leader, and in that time, I’m not sure how supported I was, in some ways, I felt too big to fit into the containers of the tribe, and it seems like the women of the tribe wanted to do the ceremony the way that we do the ceremony, and I got really upset and wanted to do it my way, and that’s where I got into trouble.

Candice Wu 11:34

So, as I looked into the eyes of my past self, I could see the ferocity in her, the fire and fierceness. I could see that she knew how to live in the wild. She knew the plants, she knew the horses, she knew the animals, she knew earth, and the medicine that each of those bring, as well as song in ceremony and how to fight. She knew how to use bow and arrow, a knife, and to maneuver and to use fight energy if she needed to protect herself or to hunt, she was a hunter. So, that just catalyzed in me the desire to take my ability to protect myself and be strong in myself to another level. A lot of people take martial arts or do some self-defense classes. I’ve done both of those at some point, and now, at this time in my life, I want to experience some different things and sharpen those skills that I do have. So, I signed up for a lesson in sharp weapons.

Candice Wu 12:53

While I was camping, I was, you know, the thought the only thing I had was the knife in my hands, and I thought, okay, I’ll just sleep with it. If you had listened to that episode, you’ll get the full picture, and so, now I’m just thinking, well, if I’m going to have a knife in my hand, I better know how to use it, and hopefully I never need to use it. When you learn martial arts, it’s not to learn to literally just fight people, anywhere you go and to be violent or aggressive in your life, it’s just that you develop the confidence that you’re able to use certain parts of your body and energy to protect yourself or to do something that’s necessary if you’re ever in that situation, and whether you are not in that situation, that confidence that you can develop is really strengthening for the whole nervous system, for who we are in the world.

Candice Wu 13:52

If we all feel more confident, more in our bodies, more able to protect ourselves, we can feel safer, and that’s the idea now, so, I’m taking the sharp weapons class, and combat weapons. I think that’s like a baseball bat and how to use things to hit in the proper way, as well as archery and bow and arrow, and it’s really fun, it’s so fun. And I’m also able to use my eyes in a different way to direct my energy and be a little more precise at a distance, especially with archery, I find that my aim is horrible, and it has a lot to do with my focus and ability to sustain that focus at a distance, and I don’t think it’s coincidence that I am nearsighted and need glasses or contacts.

Candice Wu 14:56

And also this past life part of me now is being more integrated into me, I pictured her integrating into my body, and being me, which is the truth, I believe, well, that’s the truth, I believe, is that through the many lives that we have, we cultivate different knowing and sets of wisdom that are in our bodies and moving wisdom. And when we birth into the next life, sometimes, we want to develop different parts of ourselves, and we might forget the previous parts or we might remember them and be a genius in that, but there’s something here in this life for us to learn, and there’s a way in which we can claim, remember, and use all the wisdom that came from different lives, that we developed in different lives.

Candice Wu 15:59

And recently, I’ve been more attuned to the interstellar world, the world outside of earth, and that there are other dimensions within earth and outside of earth that we might be learning in as well and bringing those tools into our lives here or maybe that’s where we’re moving on to next. I never thought I would believe in that exactly or I guess we just couldn’t find a way for it to click with me that that existed, you know, and some people talk about aliens or other life, and it’s starting to make a little more sense to me that we as energies, as part of the universal consciousness, we find ourselves in different dimensions or we go to different places and times and lifetimes to know the wholeness of the universe, all the possibilities, all the energies that we can be, that we are, and we get to experience human life to heal and to learn and to grow, and to be and to honor who we are.

Candice Wu 17:20

So, as I look into myself as this past life, I just feel a connection with earth and animals in a new way, and I had an Akashic reading with Venessa Rodriguez, who was on the podcast very early on. In that reading, my guides were telling me to stay on the land and to look into plant medicine and connect with the plants that that would be revealed to me, and all this feels very exciting. It feels very enlivening and resourcing.

Candice Wu 17:52

So, enough about that for now. Feel free to jump on to that episode two weeks ago, if you didn’t get a chance to experience that. It also comes with an experiential called “You are the way, that you are the way to the mystery of your life, and you are the way to everything.”

Candice Wu 18:14

So, now let’s jump into the episode for today. This topic has been on my mind for I don’t know, at least a year, but somehow, I’ve just resisted talking about it, and what made me come to it now is that many people around me are talking about and asking me questions about what I think about it, and it seems like a lot of people are sorting out who they are, and what’s happening in their dynamics with people in their intimate relationships with their clients or with friends, with colleagues, and really, that is the topic for today. It’s “Who are you in relation to others?” And is part of your role in your relationships to “help people or to care for them or to heal them, save them feel responsible for them.”

Candice Wu 19:19

In this episode, everything I’m saying, there’s nothing wrong with any way of being and as there’s nothing wrong with wherever you’re at. It’s really looking at, “Oh, that’s where I’m at.” Like, wouldn’t you rather know who you are being and who you are right now, than not know? And that knowing gives you the chance to make a clear, continue to make a clear choice in your sovereignty of who you are or to make a new choice. So, knowing and awareness gives freedom. The knowing and awareness is not meant for criticism, to shame yourself or to pressure yourself to be someone else or something else because the bottom, bottom, bottom, bottom, bottom line is that you are the energy of all consciousness, you are pure love through a body, and in this body, we’ve chosen different ways to express pure consciousness. And sometimes, we think that those ways are who we are, we identify where we feel we’re just one way, and that’s who we are.

Candice Wu 20:47

There are very specific ways of being that’s in our DNA. So, that’s a biological coding, but then there’s an energetic coding underneath that, an energetic signature of who you’ve chosen to be in this life or who you are in this life, whatever you believe in. And if you’re in line with that, you might feel very much true to yourself, and that is true to your sovereignty, true to your choice, and underneath that is the love that we all are, all possibility that we all are. Then there’s the layer, like, removed from your choice of who you are, specifically in this life that’s unique to you, and what you might express in your life.

Candice Wu 21:42

So, I want to tell you a bit about me and my development and evolution of this feeling that I was responsible for people and wanting to really heal others, to where I am today in a much freer place for myself and others, in a place that really honors myself more and honors other people in the fullness that they are. When I first came to being a therapist and healer, I had come from being a teacher working with kids, and I saw very early in my career how much wisdom children had, and how alive that wisdom was, how fresh and real it was. It wasn’t some lines that someone had fed to them. Sometimes, it was, but other times when they were really present, and I was really present with them, there were these gems of what they were feeling and thinking that would come alive.

Candice Wu 22:57

And so, after I was a teacher, I taught art for kindergarten through second grade as well as sixth through eighth grade, and I loved the middle school age. After that, I transitioned into going to grad school for clinical psychology, studying Ayurveda, studying yoga as well, and all these other indigenous healing practices at the same time, along with family constellations. And emerging from all of those learnings, there was a way in which I still felt so responsible for people’s emotions and their well being. After working with clients, sometimes, I would feel a weight in me, and then somehow, I was the one digesting the emotions that seemed to be part of what the person was telling me they were experiencing or the storyline in which these emotions would emerge from. So, it seems like people were not quite digesting their own energy, and I was taking it on and doing it for them.

Candice Wu 24:08

That was so much work, and I was also doing that in my personal relationships. I had this way of having friendships where we were there for each other through all of what we’re experiencing, and while that can be beautiful and I still have that in some ways, it was the primary way of connecting with people is to, you know, share each of our problems back and forth, and in a sense, be that co-regulating parental loving force that I needed to help me develop that in myself. But it wasn’t seeing it that way at the time, I was just continuing to rely on people in my life to give that to me, and I would give it back. And I found that that also in itself had an exhaustion level, because I was seeing the power outside of me to some degree, but not consciously.

Candice Wu 25:14

So, as I looked at this deeper, it revealed to me that I was a Shaman in a past life, and a witch. And specifically in my Shaman time, it was essential for me to be responsible for my village, for my people and tribe, and they came to me to receive healing and to receive guidance, and I would stay in my cave to restore and in that kind of worked because I was living in nature and was able to feel the earth resource and to use my shamanistic skills very well in moving energy and connecting with many dimensions to support me. I don’t really know the details of that, and it doesn’t seem that important right now, but what is really important is that, on a cellular level, I was skilled at taking in other people’s energy, like literally sucking it out of them, and then spitting it out, coughing it up, and I was the function of the healing.

Candice Wu 26:33

I realized that that was a very old way of healing for me, then it was from lifetimes ago, and that in this lifetime, it wasn’t for me anymore. I wanted to find what was me and a fresh way, an expanded way for me in this life, to grow into being of support to others, walking alongside people, instead of being bigger than them in a way. As a Shaman, that was expansive at that time it was needed, and it was purposeful and I wanted to do that. If you are doing that right now, or you find yourself having a similar way of being with these patterns, that’s okay. There’s no judgment from me, and there really isn’t judgment necessarily about that. The real question is, is that how you want to be and is that the best for your expansion and your well being in this life right now? And maybe it was before, like a year ago or yesterday, and maybe it’s not now, or maybe you were in a different way of being and now that is very interesting, enlivening and expansive.

Candice Wu 27:57

So, there’s no right way. There’s no best way that applies to all. There’s only what’s best for you, and another piece of this all is that, because I came into this life with this way of being able to take other people’s energy, and release it, digested and release it or just get rid of it, for whatever other reasons, I came into a specific family that needed that. With that, seemed to not have the functions of digesting their emotions, and supporting and loving their well being. So, early on, in my childhood, even as an infant, I had this impression and feeling sense that I was here to be responsible for other people, and we can look at this in all sorts of psychological or soul, soulful ways.

Candice Wu 28:55

We can see this from conditions of worth, through Carl Rogers’ work in psychology, where, what are the ways in which I have to act to be worthy and to be loved? And from a family constellations perspective, that’s very similar. Where do I need to stand and who do I need to be? Who, as in not myself, but who else do I need to be? What energy Do I need to hold? Or what do I need to do to belong in this family, to be seen? Where’s the energy, the direction of energy going from family members or I need to be right there, so they can see me and is that in the middle of chaos, is that in the middle of devastation? And for me, I felt so needing to be a parent to my parents so that I could be seen. There were things and patterns that had happened back in my ancestry that created that or were a part of that dynamic.

Candice Wu 30:05

So, it’s not to blame my parents, it’s started long before them, but it’s to say that I stood in the role of my parents, responsible to my parents, as a young child, and yet I could never fill that role. So, along with that came not being enough, and wanting to help my parents, so that I could ultimately be enough and be seen as enough, taking care of their emotions, taking care of their well being taking care of my siblings, from the place of needing to feel worthy enough, and that lived on for many, many, many, many years after that. And it’s not just a mental process to say, “Oh, I’m doing that. So, let me stop.” It’s in my body, it’s in the responses of my nerves system to what wasn’t safe, and what felt like was the safest I could get to, and where could I even find something for me, and there’s a deeper love there, too, loving other people loving my family members wanting everyone to belong, and making sure that they do by helping, by supporting.

Candice Wu 31:29

So, through all this, and working with all these pieces — past life, lineage, belief sets that come through from all this, I felt into a new way for me, that was to be in myself, to be fully who I am, doing what I want to do, loving myself, and therefore having a two-way kind of love that reaches out to others as well. That’s not from a place of “I’m not enough, and if I care for you, I’ll be enough or I’ll be needed or I’ll be validated.” It’s, I validate myself and I can use tools, and support and resource from around me to enhance my ability and capacity to love myself and to continue to develop it, it doesn’t just happen, suddenly, and ending there, but a continual process of that and being in the place of my adult present self that has capacity to continue to love myself and what comes up or to notice when it’s not happening, and can see others with that same capacity or a deeper capacity, the greatest capacity of all possibility, living in each person around me, no matter how they express in a human form.

Candice Wu 33:06

For me, it’s to be a compassionate witness to what they’re experiencing, to be present with them, to honor it, and not try to change it or assume that it wants to be changed or that they want to change to respect someone else’s desire, and move with them from there, checking in with what they desire and what their choices are, and ultimately, it’s seeing that they’re in the hands of the universe, which is them, which is themselves, and everything around them.

Candice Wu 33:41

In a family constellations perspective, it’s seeing that they have an entire lineage of wise and strong people where something had to go right for them to exist in this life, and to exist right now, and perhaps a whole soul belonging that they have, or entourage of guides, resource, earth, animals that may be supporting them in some way, whether they know it or not, that I can see exists for them as well. And if I’m able to hold that, I can see this person much more clearly, and if I’m also able to accept that death has its place, that pain has its place, that sadness has its place, anger has its place, and all of that is, is part of the beauty of what we get to experience, not just tolerable, but part of the beauty. Then when I see someone in pain, I don’t need to just immediately rescue them. Rescuing them is also something that can be done, and it’s not a bad thing. Sometimes, we need to be rescued. Sometimes, other people need to be rescued, but it also depends on what the deeper want, need and capacity is, and what one can do for themselves, which is much more powerful at the core than what another can do for someone else.

Candice Wu 35:31

Now, there’s, that’s also to be argued, like, there are definitely super impactful moments where somebody else has said something to me or done something for me, that made a huge difference. So, I’m not saying to not do any of that, but I am saying that I’m interested in guiding myself from my heart and also, my deeper knowing, and at any time my deeper knowing and my capacity to feel into my heart might not be the fullest it could possibly be, which is probably true, you know, this is why I’m here to expand and to continue to deepen in that. But even to the max of what I do have, at any moment, I might not be there. How much of me is here? How much of me is available? And from that place, what do I desire to do? And from the place that also holds another in their wholeness, how do I want to be and interact?

Candice Wu 36:45

If it’s a crisis situation, like something very immediate, that might be a totally different process. I’m not going to sit there and meditate on it or think about it like that, I might just act. In the aftermath, I might see who I was being in that moment and if I stand behind myself or not, and I can go for really any situation, crisis or not. Do I stand behind the choice I made? And one of my teachers, Suzi Tucker, says that she likes to make choices that allow her to continue to make more choices that she can stand behind. That’s my interpretation of what she has shared with me to be exact.

Candice Wu 37:34

So, it’s really also a question of how are we using our gifts, I do have a gift of being able to work with energy and do something with energy that people may or may not want to do something with. And as a young child that was overused, are you overusing your gifts or overworking? When you’re in an interaction with someone else, are you constantly using one way of being or one tool in yourself, one gift in yourself. I also want to talk about empathy in this episode. I love talking about empathy, I’ve had a really different relationship with empathy, and that definitely, relates to the process in which I see myself in my role.

Candice Wu 38:27

Empathy in the past, for me, has meant not just being in another’s shoes and seeing that perspective, but feeling it on a whole body and energetic level, and before I just wasn’t able to give it back. Like, I could feel into someone’s experience, and then somehow I’d be left with it, and it was my deeper pattern of taking that on and taking responsibility, but also, sometimes, it was my own experience being triggered. And me, relating to someone and having identified with them energetically, because I had that experience in some way and those feelings. So, for me, sometimes it was a double whammy, like, having to be triggered, my experiences being triggered, and looking at that and also seeing the umbrella or the holding pattern to that, which was to take on other people’s feelings and feel responsible for them, feel like I have to be bigger than them and hold that space for someone, when sometimes who I’m talking to is older than me or more developed than me, whatever, it really doesn’t matter if they’re older or younger, but in the case of my parents, it did.

Candice Wu 39:52

So, I want to talk about when empathy goes wrong, and I kind of hesitate to use those words, but maybe it’s better to say, when empathy goes too far, if we see empathy on a spectrum, where, maybe, one point of empathy is to be able to witness someone with some warm, with our capacity of presence and awareness there, and to see them in their experience and honor that they’re experiencing it and that their whole enough to handle it. If we see them in that light, versus if we see them with pity or assume that we feel something, that they feel something about it, then we can project our own feelings on them, and in return, they feel differently in relation to us.

Candice Wu 40:54

Have you noticed that where someone believes in you, versus where someone else so feels a similar doubt as you towards you? Like, “Oh, yeah, you know, not sure.” You might feel differently in your body and in your heart. So, that’s where I like to be in seeing myself as full and seeing another as full, and witnessing what’s happening and just being present, being there. It doesn’t mean I have to give advice or support or say loving words. It might just be as much as seeing what they’re experiencing. I see your pain, I see that you’re in this experience. From that place to taking on some of their emotions or when we assume as I said that someone feels a certain way, we’re projecting our feelings, but those are our feelings about that kind of experience.

Candice Wu 42:02

Have you ever had an experience where someone told you that they’re in a certain situation or something happened to them? And you say, “Oh, no, or you say, Oh, I’m so sorry.” And they say, “Oh, I am fine about it.” And sometimes, that’s denial, but sometimes that’s actually true, right? And so, we’re there’s a mismatch to how you assumed they would feel, and they actually feel. And maybe, they feel upset later, but right now, in the moment, they’re saying they feel fine. It’s a different topic to challenge them or say, oh, tab empathy and say, Oh, wait, you know, it seems like there’s something else here. That’s something else. But when we just outright assume something, and that’s not where they’re at, we get this chance to see that that was our own projection, and where we think or we can call it empathy to have offered that feeling from us. It’s not actually empathy. It’s actually being in our own experience, seeing it from our way.

Candice Wu 43:23

Also, when we feel for someone, we feel for them, instead of them feeling for themselves in a way, instead of seeing them and trusting their own ability to feel and experience. We might take on that whole energy of the feeling, and they may be discarding it are leaving it with you, maybe not, but that’s possible. That whole dynamic is a very developmental young experience for the person that might be discarding it, and that you may maybe their parental figure holding and being that digestive space. And this is an interesting dynamic, because then we also need to look at, if you’re the one being that parental figure or holding space, why are you doing it? It can be easy to say that it’s empathy, and I being caring and supporting someone, but is that serving a purpose for you that also is a pattern of yours or is something that keeps you in a cycle, or a smaller space for yourself, a dependency for yourself? Do you depend on other people to need you? Or do you pride yourself on the ability to use this tool and keep others dependent on you? Does this give you your validation or enough?

Candice Wu 45:01

Like, it has for me, in the past of varying degrees, you know, there’s a whole dynamic of empath narcissist that people label as this empath Narcissus dynamic, where someone who’s really empathic and intuitive, and sensitive attracts. They mutually attract each other. Someone who has traits of narcissism that may draw the attention towards them, and need that kind of support and dependency and can hook someone in to be that for them in almost every capacity or to varying degrees of their lives as a whole. That’s a whole different topic, and there’s so much more to that story, but we often see the empath with more empathy, I guess. We look upon that more favorably to be the empath in that situation, to be the helper in that situation, rather than the helped.

Candice Wu 46:17

We see that perhaps the empath is doing something better than the narcissist is doing because sometimes the narcissist, the person we call the narcissist, it really don’t like to use that label, we often see them as like, lashing out if the other person isn’t doing what they want or using manipulation to keep the person who is very sensitive and caring in that space for them, and yet, doesn’t the person who’s empathic and sensitive do the same thing. There’s a manipulation happening on both levels. When this dynamic is happening, of perpetrator victim as well, when it goes to that level that one is a victim of the other, both people are tied up with some energy coming from the same energy, both people are tied up with belief sets that come from the same similar place of worthiness, need or validation or dependency, somewhere we can find that there’s a place in which both are codependent. And in other cases of empathy, where empathy can go too far is where we put ourselves aside, we put others before us and prioritize their feelings and needs, and maybe sometimes even feel an urgency about that, and we put our own basic needs sometimes or lives aside.

Candice Wu 48:01

This can happen where a mother looks towards her child and says, “I need to give everything to this child, I need to be there for them. They’re not feeling well and x y&z places, and I need to be there and I need to help them.” And we look at that person’s life as a whole, and I’m not bashing mothers at all, I think being a mother is one of the most honorable and beautiful things one can do, but when a mother puts themselves aside and focuses all their energy on their child, we do need to wonder, what about their own life? And what does that say to the child, you’re worthy, but I’m not, and essentially at the bottom that says, that’s another thing, I’m not worthy of taking care of myself, and that message gets transmitted to the child inherently, implicitly in the body, in the actions, and those actions speak louder, sometimes than what’s covering it up, the helping that’s coming their way, all the energy coming their way. And it puts that child in a position of a lot of weight, like, I have to be so much better, or I have to have so much help, and I have to do this for my mother, too, because if I don’t, then she’s not going to be okay.

Candice Wu 49:35

And how different for a child to see their mother taking care of themselves, to see their mother in their fullness, giving them the space to be in their fullness or be in their struggle, whatever it is, but their mother reaching out from there, helps them to see the way because their mothers, part of showing them the way that she’s having, opens up a pathway that a child can see, “Oh, I have a way, too, and I am worthy of taking care of myself, and I can learn how to do that. I don’t always have to just give to others like my mom’s doing.” There’s a way that we implicitly and in our, in some way comes outside ways that we can be just like our parents, especially with the parts of our parents we resist or don’t want to be like, and this is where it can come out, you know, we can be just like our mom that gave us all the focus and energy and gave herself none by doing that somewhere in our lives, and then we don’t know how to take care of ourselves.

Candice Wu 50:49

So, I’ve used this mother and child example, but this really can apply to any relationship. If you are giving all of yourself to your friend, nothing to yourself, or very little and not enough, not taking care of what you really need to feel full, healthy and whole, then you’re not really able to fully be present for your friend or whoever else it is, anyway, but also on the receiving end, that support is coming from a very small capacity, small energy, and not to belittle it, but to say that there isn’t much there, if we’re giving away everything, one none to ourselves. So, that’s where empathy can go too far as well, and it can really take a toll on someone, and on the surface, it can be seen as a selfless act.

Candice Wu 51:53

We often overstate, I think selflessness, we see people giving so much to others, and we praise and we praise that, and how much do we praise people taking care of themselves? That’s very much shifting, we’re doing that so much more, at least in the fields that I’m running around, like the mental health field in wellness, there’s that’s shifting, where we’re saying, “Yes, good, you took care of yourself.” And there’s just through threads of time, where we valued being selfless, meaning doing for others and not yourself, meaning doing and being kind to the world around you at its fullest, and not needing to put yourself in that mix it as well.

Candice Wu 52:51

There’s a time and place for selflessness. If and I know that it’s also in many spiritual practices, it’s really a discussion of where someone is at the level of having transcended the ego dance, the dance of pain and being triggered like those triggers, those wounds are more healed, or at a level where they’re not in control of someone’s life, and where they’re maybe not even a thing where unconditional love is very present. That’s where some people might call these people or beings “Ascended Masters”. There’s a selflessness to that, and also, it might be necessary in times where someone is truly selfish and just very self-centered to the point that it’s hurting them. It’s not their growth edge anymore, that it hurts them and others or that the new growth would be to learn to let that love reach out to other people, not just themselves, and there’s a whole host of developmental like, young child parts to that that are probably connected.

Candice Wu 54:15

But when we force selflessness, even in that situation I’m talking about where it might be helpful to be a little more selfless, when we force it, and not heal it, and develop it organically. When we force it, there’s always some tension or resistance living in our bodies and in the system that we live in. In the community, our body will show it. We can’t skip being selfish, and developing our sense of self and caretaking for ourselves and being there for ourselves, loving ourselves developing an identity so that we can eventually release that identity and be fuller. That’s part of our developmental process as a human, as a child and in our soul, that we need to know who we are, and fill up on who we are, be seen and mirrored and take in all that love so we can know who we are, and be egocentric, like five year olds are, right? If they get to be. And if we didn’t get to be, we didn’t get that loving attunement, we might still be asking for that now in our lives, and that’s where we can give that to ourselves, and organically heal that so we can become more natural in the place of love from within, loving towards ourselves and loving outwards. Really don’t love to call it selflessness, but I did want to address that topic of selflessness.

Candice Wu 56:00

In order to ascend, when people talk about ascension, it’s about being one with the universe, the light that we are the unconditional love, that is who we are. When we ascend in human form, we must descend into the body and become embodied, live in the human form, master all the ways of being human, not just the functional things that we need to do and learn how to do in this consciousness of earth, and how earth functions right now and how people function on earth, but to come with our own creativity, and also, to master navigating all the emotions and ways of being that one can be, to have the capacity to embrace all of it and know how to work with it and use it, and feel your inner knowing.

Candice Wu 57:06

So, back to selflessness just for another moment here, when we do for others, and we take empathy to that degree, and supporting others or caretaking for others to the degree where not taking care of ourself, often that also serves to distract from what you need to do for yourself, whether that’s looking at a wound that’s really hard to look at or something that is going on for you. It serves to help you feel powerful or in control, or okay, when you can help other people when they’re not okay or see people is not okay, and continue to like, create bad or find, they can find those parts and others, and that’s how you’re relating two people, but we’re also, you might be distracting from your life path, like what you want to be spending your time with, where you’re most empowered, what you’re desiring for you and your worthiness? Do you feel like you are worthy of pleasure, enjoyment, peace, and those endeavors looking at those parts of us? If we continue to avoid those parts, we really don’t do a service to anyone. That is the deepest service, to all. It’s the deepest loving to know who you are and to move towards what you desire, to be in your pleasure, to be in your worthiness.

Candice Wu 58:54

There’s one last piece I want to mention with all this is that there’s a difference between being caring and being a caretaker as your one role or as your main role, and there’s nothing wrong with being a caretaker as your main role, like that might be your job title, that might be what you’re choosing to do. It’s really how you do it, and why you’re doing it. If you’re doing it on some unconscious level to distract from your own life, how much do you want to do that? It’s okay to do that. Sometimes, we need to distract from our lives. Sometimes, we need to feel that empowerment that we get when we can help someone else with their life, and also, recognize and have perspective that maybe our issue is not so bad, or we’re in this together. So, there’s nothing wrong with any of it. It’s the question for you if you want to explore it, only if you want to explore it, is that there are multiple parts of who you are. And are they all being looked at? Are they being offered in this life and expressed in who you are honored in yourself? Are we living our lives? Are we in our roles and our lives coming from a place of woundedness driving underneath, whether that’s conscious or unconscious?

Candice Wu 1:00:25

You may have heard of archetype wounded healer, and Sarah Buino has a whole podcast of conversations with a wounded healer, and talking about these very things, like, where are we coming from and who are we? What is a wounded healer and identifying that so we can see that happening in us if we want to see it, and make sure that that’s the choice we want to have or choosing what we want to have?

Candice Wu 1:00:58

And before we go and end this episode, I want to talk about endings and death. I touched into death just once in this conversation, but for me, all this conversation also amounts to embracing death and all sorts of emotions as part of the beauty of experience, as I mentioned, but death we’re often afraid of death or we have all these emotions that pour out from it or nothing at all. Everyone experiences that differently and sees it differently, but are you at peace with death? And if you’re not, what is your relationship with death? And how does that show up in ways in which you help others or are in relation to others?

Candice Wu 1:01:52

If I resist death or resist certain emotions, when I interact with others, then I resist to some degree, whether that’s subtle or not or overt, covert or overt. I might resist what they’re experiencing, and ultimately, that just honors them that might even dismiss what they’re experiencing or disrespect them. But when I have the capacity to honor anger, pain, death, sadness, annoyance, any emotion that is challenging, even joy, when I have the capacity to hold that in myself and see it, be with it, respect it, then I can do that for others to or I can begin to.

Candice Wu 1:02:54

Sometimes, we think that others need our help, we have a suggestion for them and we want to give it to them or give them our advice or do something for them, and we do need to keep ourselves in check because what does that say to someone else? That their situations not okay? That there are choices ain’t okay or we could do it better? My friend, Nick Werber talks a lot about this, embracing one’s fate, and in the family constellations world, we discussed that, that thought that accepting one’s fate means accepting their choices. It means accepting, not just accepting but respecting and agreeing with them of their own choice. It’s really not for us to agree, too, but respecting it.

Candice Wu 1:03:54

So, I leave you today with these questions. How are you relating to yourself? What parts of yourself are you able to be with? Who are you? Where are you coming from when you’re in a role of helping others or caretaking or coaching or being a therapist or being a friend, a daughter or a son, mother or father? How is it that you see people? Be honest, and in different situations that might be different. And how is it that you want to see people? How is it that is a deeper seeing? Where do you believe you know more than someone else whether you assert it or not? Or where you believe those thoughts that you feel, you know, more than them or why they’re where they’re at and that you can see something they can’t? There’s a fine line of intuition and asserting yourself energetically, inserting yourself and violating energetically, because you feel you know more. Were you working harder than someone else for their lives? And what parts of yourself need caretaking, saving or tending to, parts of yourself or asking for empathy? What parts of yourself want to feel worthy and in your pleasure, desire, and in the life that is 100%? You? And do you push that aside for others or do you push that aside?

Candice Wu 1:06:06

So, I think that’s enough for today. I loved this conversation and had a lot of fun. I’d love to hear your feedback, your discussions around this or what comes up in you around this, and if you disagreed with me or found something I said offensive, feel free to share that if you found something that helps you explore. I’d love to hear about that as well.

Candice Wu 1:06:34

To close today, I’ll just offer all the different podcasts that I refer to and the people that I referred to, as well as other episodes that can relate to this topic. So, I give a shout out to Venessa Rodriguez who did the Akashic reading for me recently. She is excellent and she also works with Feeding your Wild. Her episode on the body podcast is at CandiceWu.com/venessa, VENESSA, and there you can also connect up with her website, feedyourwild.com, I believe, and all of the different links that she offers.

Candice Wu 1:07:14

I shared about Suzi Tucker, my family constellations teacher, and you can find her at suzitucker.com or at CandiceWu.com/Suzi, her episode with me on the podcast, and her name is spelled SUZI. I also mentioned my friend, Nick Werber, who is a constellations facilitator. He and I love talking about death, and we did in this episode at CandiceWu.com/nick.

Candice Wu 1:07:45

I mentioned Sarah Buino in her podcast conversations with the Wounded Healer. I actually appeared on that podcast and it was so much fun. You can find that episode at CandiceWu.com/conversationswithawoundedhealer, and there you’ll be able to link to her whole podcast. Also, I mentioned the deep mystery of life episode that was two weeks ago at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery, and we spoke a lot about self-worth, worthiness. And there’s an episode that isn’t a discussion but it’s more like a download around worthiness, where it’s set to music and I just say affirmations and support the body in taking that in, and that’s at my website/worthiness.

Candice Wu 1:08:46

Also, if you want to stay up to date on my travels, on the podcast, guests experientials and topics, retreats, workshops, things that I’m offering, you can tune into my newsletter that comes out every two or three weeks. You can sign up at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:09:07

Thanks so much for joining me today. It’s really great to have you and looking forward to connecting with you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about how the Hong Kong protests had compelled me to look at, am I standing up for all the parts of myself? What parts of myself do I siphon off or sacrifice in order to gain in other parts? And, where am I ready to be more integrated?

Candice Wu 0:20

Join me in this conversation as well as the experiential that is to follow around feeling incongruence and alignment, knowing what that feels like for yourself, so that you can check in with parts of your life, and also in future decisions that come up in your life.

Candice Wu 0:42

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:56

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:17

This episode is sponsored by my workshops, there’s a workshop coming up in Chicago on July 21st, 2019. And it’s called, Restore the Flow of Love.

Candice Wu 1:29

It’s a Family Constellations workshop, which doesn’t mean it has to do with family at all. But what it does mean is that there’s a system in each of us, of dynamics and energies, and ways of being that live through our energy, our body, our way of life, and the way our body moves.

Candice Wu 1:49

And often, those dynamics are unconscious. They’re living through us, without us even knowing. But we can see the symptoms or the side effects of it all, in our challenges and what troubles us, or what we feel is a struggle. And that can touch into our love life, career, family, what we want to do in the world, how we want to feel, and what we do feel.

Candice Wu 2:18

So Constellations work is an experiential process that’s in the body, and in our felt sense without mental information, and offers us a way to look at three-dimensionally through our bodies, what those underlying dynamics are, that are showing itself to us so that we can reveal more for us.

Candice Wu 2:41

They’re the opening to what’s next, they’re a beginning. And often in our ancestry, there’s something that has happened that has been tragic or traumatic, hard to bear. And if those are not integrated by someone in the family, then they usually get passed down.

Candice Wu 3:03

The soul of the family wants us to see all of it and hold it all with love. And so in this process, usually some dynamics can relate to the ancestry, or a past life or some part of your inner world. And we restore that flow of life and love that you can step forward into your life with much more ease and know yourself that much more.

Candice Wu 3:27

If you want to check out the workshop you can find it at CandiceWu.com/flowoflove. And if you’re interested in workshops like this, but have missed the date for this, you can find more events at CandiceWu.com/events.

Candice Wu 3:44

Welcome back, everyone. I am looking over the lake where I am in Michigan, and it’s a gorgeous sunny day, the sun is almost going down. And it’s lovely to be here with you today to talk about something that has been touching my heart lately.

Candice Wu 4:05

Before we get there, I’m reflecting on the fact that July 4th was just around the corner and for the people in the United States, that is the celebration of Independence Day. And often people think about Independence Day being freedom, about the theme of freedom, or that theme comes up.

Candice Wu 4:25

As I was looking out at the fireworks the other night, I just felt a bunch of complex emotions. I felt like well, what is Independence Day?

Candice Wu 4:36

Well, a group of people immigrated here and got independence from Britain, which is what America stands upon. There are also plenty of people who lost freedoms and lost a lot in that experience, in that coinciding with it. And the question came to me, when do we stand for all people? How do we do that?

Candice Wu 5:03

We say we do that at times. And we don’t often know the way to completely follow through with that and desires conflict, there’s upset involved. And I’m talking about racial lines, I’m talking about ethnic and cultural challenges and wars, hurt on both ends, trauma of years and years and years. And so, as I think about this, and think about the idea of freedom or independence, I think about choice, which is what’s also ringing true with the conversation I want to bring today. And that sense of how do we really stand for all? The question begins with: How do we stand for all of ourselves? And: How do we see all within ourselves and hold that in harmony?

Candice Wu 6:01

So the way I’m speaking does refer to Parts work, where we think of all the parts of ourselves, the inner parts of ourselves, as a different aspect of who we are that we can touch in with, some parts of us are younger parts that may have gotten stuck in time, or fixated at a certain point in time because of a hurt or wound. Some parts of us are with us through and through, like our inner critic and have just made things to say about what’s going on.

Candice Wu 6:38

Other parts are very wise and reasonable, others, most parts protect and desire the best for us. And, how do we really hold space for all of those parts of us, all of who we are whether or not you call them parts. And all of who we are in harmony.

Candice Wu 7:02

You know, have you had a time where one part of you really wanted something and another part of you or on the other hand, the thing that you wanted wasn’t good for you or it wasn’t quite right or there’s disagreement there to some degree and you’re just in this debate back and forth. Well, you can consider those two aspects as different parts of you.

Candice Wu 7:27

You can learn more about parts work at CandiceWu.com/partswork where I talk about embracing all the different parts of you and how to work with different parts. But that’s not exactly the topic for today, even though it is the topic for today.

Candice Wu 7:44

For me, this conversation all started with seeing the Hong Kong protests. They have been, people in Hong Kong have been protesting the extradition bill that would allow China to extradite people into their country, to sentence them or try them in the case of a crime.

Candice Wu 8:06

And that began with a crime that was committed in Taiwan by someone who is, I believe, a Hong Kong citizen. And without going too far into this, one thing led to another, and the bill that they wanted to pass would allow China to extradite people too.

Candice Wu 8:25

The people of Hong Kong saw right away — many of the people of Hong Kong saw right away that this would crumble and wear down, that Hong Kong was promised to be after the handover of Hong Kong back to China in 1997. Hong Kong was promised to have semi-autonomy and hold its own elections. And slowly, it seems as though China has been interfering with that process. And the protests in 2014, show just that.

Candice Wu 9:06

So here I am in Michigan, in the US, looking at these photographs of millions of Hong Kong people flooded into the streets that I have walked, on the streets that I know pretty well from going there every, almost every winter, for the last 6 to 10 years.

Candice Wu 9:31

Hong Kong has been a second home to me in many ways. I visited my grandmother often when she was alive, my aunt and uncle and cousins, and it has been the place that has housed my family for many years.

Candice Wu 9:47

My family originally was from China, and back in the lineage. And at some point, they knew that they needed to leave. And they fled to Hong Kong, in order to escape the communist government and the way that people were treated. And they wanted more freedom, they wanted more opportunity, more rights. And so they landed in Hong Kong.

Candice Wu 10:09

So there is a soft spot for Hong Kong in my heart and for the people. And that is my heritage, that is my people.

Candice Wu 10:18

And, so here I am looking at these photographs and these videos. It’s just astounding.

Candice Wu 10:25

And what really touched my heart was, how many people were coming out to the streets, speaking up, and standing up for what they believe in is right for their country and for their people.

Candice Wu 10:40

This extradition bill, in some ways, likely wouldn’t have even, for most Hong Kong citizens and people, that extradition bill would not even affect them directly. Or, even probably indirectly. But they’re willing to stand up and speak up for what’s greater, that they want their freedoms, they want their rights, they don’t want to be controlled by China. And, they are standing up for those people who would be affected.

Candice Wu 11:20

And in so doing, they have put themselves at risk for being arrested or for getting hurt. The police have been pushing back against them. And for the most part, it has been incredibly non-violent.

Candice Wu 11:37

Hong Kong seems to be known for its polite protests, where students are doing homework on the streets, and where they’re handing supplies to each other, and very organized, clean up after themselves and non-violent.

Candice Wu 11:58

So there was some violence, though, but with the people who have been arrested, the people protesting are also trying to stand up for their rights. So they’re asking, they had been asking for looking into investigating the police brutality and into releasing the people who have been charged and shifting the charges off of being Riot charges. And they want the extradition bill to be off the table completely.

Candice Wu 12:30

So the time of me recording this, I don’t have much more information, except for that the bill was delayed, and there were several days of protests more than a couple of weeks ago now.

Candice Wu 12:43

And this conversation here isn’t about what’s right, or what’s wrong, or what we should protest and what we shouldn’t. But it’s about how incredibly powerful it was to see how many people were coming out to the streets. And how heartwarming, it was to me, to know that while most of these people wouldn’t be affected, they are standing up for all those who could be affected. And that’s a small handful of people, or likely a small handful of people, but also that they’re standing up for that greater sense, the greater need of their liberty and their human rights.

Candice Wu 13:25

So when I felt this, I just started crying, it felt like, wow, people are really standing up, people are really speaking out and caring about each other in such a beautiful way. And while I was feeling this heartwarming feeling of love and caring, that was filling up some of the wounds of places in me that have wished for that kind of support from strangers or from loved ones around me even.

Candice Wu 14:01

I also felt the pain of the fact that Hong Kong’s freedoms have been slowly being infringed upon and slowly crumbling.

Candice Wu 14:15

I feel how powerful China is. And, as I was sharing this with my mother, her perspective was that just Hong Kong doesn’t stand a chance against China especially. And for me, that was incredibly discouraging and disheartening, and on some level, that could be true.

Candice Wu 14:39

So, I sat with all this and felt that pain, felt for the people there, and they still have family there. As I went deeper with it, with myself, I felt that the Hong Kong protests were a perfect way for me to ask myself, “Am I standing up for all the parts of myself? Am I congruent and in harmony with all the parts of myself? Are they in harmony with each other?”

Candice Wu 15:12

And of course, this is a lifelong process. But I was looking at where in me, can I be more congruent? Where in me can I stand up for parts of me that I perhaps push into the shadows, ignore, abandon, or hide or turn a blind eye to?

Candice Wu 15:38

What this highlighted for me was the sense that in a few relationships I held, I was accepting part of the relationship, agreeing to part of it, and disagreeing to a whole part of it. And yet, I was just staying in it.

Candice Wu 16:01

I even had a dream, the other day that I was watching TV with one of these people, and everything they were saying was just getting me all pissed and angry and worked up. And we were watching TV. And while I was angry, it was as if, the anger wasn’t doing anything, it was just living in me and festering and growing. And yet it had no real outlet. Even though I was expressing the anger.

Candice Wu 16:32

Suzi Tucker, one of my Family Constellations teachers had a retreat recently. And she spoke to judgment, being a placeholder for movement. That where we have judgment can be this marker for perhaps a movement that wants to be had instead. And maybe that literally means to move away, walk away, move your body away or to have a different distance. And if we had that distance, perhaps we’d be able to be with ourselves, with our emotion, rather than judging the person.

Candice Wu 17:13

So in the dream, I was definitely judging that person. Not only was I angry, but I was judging that person. And yet, it was impotent, it wasn’t having any power.

Candice Wu 17:28

And that’s how I felt like these relationships in my waking life were, that I was just staying with these dynamics and living in them and they became somewhat toxic and not okay. Yet, the parts of those relationships that I did like, and these are two different kinds of relationships I’m speaking about. Those were enough to keep me into some degree, for some time, until that really exhausted me. And I began to realize that I felt incongruent. I felt uneasy all the time around these situations and dynamics.

Candice Wu 18:09

And for some time, what was good about it was allowing me to ignore and push away a whole other part of me or many parts of me, that felt uncomfortable, angry, dissatisfied, unhappy, and felt like my worthiness was questioned in a way, like the standards of how I want to be treated, weren’t being held to. And I was trading off parts of me for other parts of me to receive the “good things” about it.

Candice Wu 18:51

My friend, Twila recently shared with me some insights that she had around what’s coming up for her in her life. And she shared about how animals have been, she is very aware of how animals have been removed from their locations of heritage or where they thrive and placed into new habitats. And then they become very angry or violent, with the people around or other animals around. And they’ve been moved by humans. And at times, they’ve also been turned into a commodity. She’s questioning in her awareness, where are we creating a commodity out of things that ought to be sacred and honored? Like taking animals parts, and selling them and using them as a way to make money and as a valuable item, rather than a valuable creature, energy, and being.

Candice Wu 20:04

So I’m not really here to impart any morality or my values on you. But, when my friend Twila was talking about this, where do we sell ourselves came up to me? Where do I sell off parts of myself, sacrifice parts of myself, in order to gain in other parts? That really felt icky. For me, it gave me a wincing feeling in my body, which meant it really hit the spot somewhere, that I was, in fact, trading off the fullness of my joy and worthiness and happiness, peace and harmony for one part of me that was gaining something, and it was gaining some really good things.

Candice Wu 20:55

So, I also see myself very gently with this, because the gain that I was receiving was something I wanted to experience and was helpful to me for some time. And I’m really speaking to that tipping point place where there’s almost a balance between, this is good and this is not, or, this is helpful and this is not anymore. Where it’s uncomfortable in this sort of middle zone, where I’m not saying no completely. But I’m not saying yes, completely.

Candice Wu 21:29

And as many times as I’ve reminded myself that if it’s not a wholehearted and whole body, absolute, yes, whether that’s a relationship and experience, something I’m investing in or a person I want to spend time with, if it’s not a wholehearted “Yes”, it’s actually a “No”. If it’s a “maybe”, it’s actually a “No”. That something in me knows that it’s not completely aligned or congruent. And when it is, it is.

Candice Wu 22:02

So as much as I know that, in my mind, I’m still working through pieces of remnants of trauma experiences, where I’ve taken a lot of bad while taking the good. In other words, I’ve taken a lot of painful experience with the essential things I needed love, connection, and support. And so it is still working its way out, where I don’t have to have both, necessarily. I can have all of me be satisfied and supported, loved, and respected. And it’s important to have those boundaries.

Candice Wu 22:49

So circling back to the Hong Kong protest, seeing people stand up for the one person that could be impacted, or the dozen people that would be impacted, I felt I needed to do that for myself internally.

Candice Wu 23:11

And then I wondered how I could begin to feel more congruent inside. And that would allow me to be more congruent outside, and how my supporting who I am fully on the inside, could give way to congruent action outwardly, in my life, as a beginning and into the world around me.

Candice Wu 23:38

This is not something that is necessarily new to me, it just felt like a powerful hit of next level, looking at what in me wants even more congruence now.

Candice Wu 23:52

And if you are on my newsletter list, or you’ve seen some of my recent posts, you probably saw that those two relationships that I speaking about, I ended them, and one had transitioned into a bit of a different distance and that was working for a while. And eventually, it just wasn’t working at all. And once it ended, once both of those ended, I felt incredible relief.

Candice Wu 24:20

And I imagine the other person did too, the other people did too. Because there was just something that really wasn’t right in fit. And it’s not to blame the other person or people but our time had passed and our connection together was ready to move on.

Candice Wu 24:42

After those ended, a whole lot of stuff in my world, in my life shifted.

Candice Wu 24:49

I’ve been trying to sell a car. And that just went really fast.

Candice Wu 24:53

I had some beautiful, just amazing opportunities land in my space for some new creative projects coming up, that I just couldn’t even dream of, or think of. And here they are. And it feels really aligned and magical. And so, I do feel that I have found even more of myself through this process.

Candice Wu 25:23

And to go back to the Hong Kong protests, I also felt that I have refined my way of how I want to interact in the world around issues that hurt people and hurt me. We look around and we see so many injustices and pain. So many things that we feel tug on us to support or stand up for, it’s impossible to stand up for everything all at once. And that’s not the point.

Candice Wu 26:00

But for me, what I found is that I am looking out into the world from time to time and just sensing, what is touching my heart and what is connecting with me. What do I feel?

Candice Wu 26:16

And to slow down and take my time with feeling through that and asking myself those deeper questions of, what is this for me? When this feeling comes up for me, allowing my body wisdom to show me, what is this connecting to in my personal life?

Candice Wu 26:40

And as I feel that through, how do I want to respond in the world? And what do I feel compelled to do out of the connection with my heart and the loving that comes from loving what comes up in me, as well as, what comes up as a reaction to the outer world and what’s happening in the outer world, and living from that place?

Candice Wu 27:09

So we ended up talking about this topic with several people and posting about it on social media. And my sister and I decided to get an umbrella which is the signature of the Hong Kong 2014 Umbrella Movement protest. And we made a poster that just said something like, “We support you Hongkong, we stand with you”, and posted that picture online.

Candice Wu 27:33

I’ll link that to the show notes if you want to check out that post and that picture.

Candice Wu 27:37

But that felt really good. I also added some suggestions that I have thought about in me, about what I feel I can do about the situation from where I am, from where I’m literally located and standing.

Candice Wu 27:53

And for now, I’m just staying connected with the outpouring of what else happens around the protests and seeing what the Hong Kong people are doing.

Candice Wu 28:04

We can feel so bombarded with all the things that are going on. But if we stay tuned into what’s really drawing our hearts, and where our hearts are being called to look, and if we really look and feel, that might give us some compelling way to take action and be in the world with what has integrated and synthesized within our bodies and hearts, our souls.

Candice Wu 28:34

And if we can allow that to make its way into the world into its expression, movement, and being from who we are, and from what we believe in, connection with ourselves will bring a deeper connection with other people and the world around us.

Candice Wu 28:58

And we can take that idea of, the question of, are we really being with all the parts of ourselves and holding all the parts of ourselves in the best loving we can in this moment, then we can expand that into the world, into our connections and relations with others?

Candice Wu 29:20

Are we doing the best we can in our loving for all those around us? Not just some, but all. Are we turning a blind eye to some? Are we leaving some in the shadows or even pushing them there?

Candice Wu 29:42

So I leave these questions with you today along with the questions around, where are you sacrificing part of yourself in order to gain in another part of yourself? Where do you accept something that you’re gaining from?

Candice Wu 30:03

Well, you’re paying the price on the other end. And if you’re hurt like me, and you need a little reminder about what it feels like to feel congruent, to feel a real yes in your body, or to feel like something is truly aligned with you, tune into the experiential later this week, where we’ll work with that, and help instill that into the body, into your psyche, into your awareness. So that when a decision comes up in your life, you’ll have an easier sense, you’ll have a template to which you can check in with to see if something’s really aligning with you.

Candice Wu 30:48

And you can also take inventory on what’s going on in your life and where things might need to change in your life or where you want them to change.

Candice Wu 30:59

If you’re subscribed to the podcast, you’ll get that later this week. And if you aren’t, you can find it at CandiceWu.com/congruence.

Candice Wu 31:10

As usual, the experientials are free to practice on your own. It’s guided, so I walk you through everything. And you can practice them as many times as it feels like you’re called to.

Candice Wu 31:22

And if we circle around all the way back to the beginning, talking about freedom, independence. What I’m left with now, is the sense of choice. The freedom to choose, the freedom to choose to look where it’s painful, in order to make a change or the freedom to pause, so you can support your nervous system and not push too hard.

Candice Wu 31:54

There’s this whole discussion here around why it is that we turn a blind eye to certain things, that I didn’t really bring up. But I want to just speak to that briefly that we are protecting ourselves in a lot of ways. And sometimes that’s necessary and important, and it’s okay.

Candice Wu 32:14

And how do we be with the parts of ourselves that are protecting and that are paying a price or hurting? What is that experience? How do we deepen into being with ourselves and loving ourselves, as we see what’s happening? And that’s also a choice.

Candice Wu 32:36

The choice to choose loving, loving is witnessing. Loving is attending to, being with seeing, feeling through. So many ways to do that with all the parts of who we are and people around us, the world around us.

Candice Wu 33:01

It’s been lovely to have you here today. I appreciate you listening to all the different tangents of where this conversation went. And I hope that it inspires you to see the world around you in a deeper way. See yourself in a deeper way, and with more loving. And to make some space to hold more of you in congruence with yourself, gather more of your energy to the wholeness of who you are today. And to do so in a way that’s not to reject other parts of you but to bring in more into your circle of who you are.

Candice Wu 33:43

It is fabulous to have you here today. Thanks so much for joining me.

Candice Wu 33:48

Be sure to sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter if you’re interested in staying in touch with my travels. The new horse meditation and Constellations offerings that are coming out, with workshops and retreats, as well as offerings. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 34:09

If you’d like this episode, check out the episode on Shifting Out of Self-Betrayal. That episode was earlier on Episode 10 actually, and it’s about living a truer and more congruent life. One that allows your soul to thrive and be nourished and where you can be more aware of ways that you betray or turn against parts of yourself. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep10.

Candice Wu 34:37

Be sure to check out other healing experientials, podcasts, and more at my website at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 34:45

See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

Today you’re tuning into an experiential about congruence, feeling congruent inside and out and standing up for all of you.

Congruence helps us feel more aligned with who we are, feel in sync with yourself and what you’re about, and where what you’re experiencing agrees with you and you agree with it.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Connecting with Intuition, This Experience

If you wanted to connect with your intuition, this is a great way to support that because it helps your body, your nervous system, connect up with when you felt congruent before or when you felt aligned in yourself before.

And this also helps us to make future decisions and look at our lives with more clarity, ease, and discernment. This is connected with a full episode, Congruence Inside and Out: Standing Up For All of You, which is a look into how a certain world event, the Hong Kong protest recently, connected with me to show me places in myself that I wasn’t being congruent, where I was turning a blind eye to some parts of myself while accepting other parts that I could receive in certain relationships that I was in. Check out the full episode at CandiceWu.com/congruence.

Let’s Begin

So if you’re ready to jump into this experience, feel free to find a comfortable place to be.

Let yourself ease into your senses. Feel free to look around your space and orient yourself just like cats and dogs do to sniff out the place.

Notice what feels comfortable or pleasant to look at and allow that experience to touch into your body, into your cells.

Reach into your heart and if you’d like to, or if you’re ready to close your eyes or look down and turn your senses inward.

Feel your own breath moving through you.

Begin to create a picture in your mind of what’s happening inside the outlines of your body as well as deeper in any sensations, emotions.

Sense the sound of your own breath, as you simply breathe in and out.

Feel your body from the inside out.

Connect with your lower belly, your low back, the sides of the body and the hips.

Feel free to give your toes a little wiggle in slow motion, sensing into your legs, ankles, and feet.

Choosing a Moment of Alignment

Now open your awareness to a time in your life, whether that’s recent or past, where you felt aligned with yourself.

This could be a small moment of having a cup of tea or a larger experience. An experience where you felt congruent and aligned meaning when you felt in sync with who you are. Where you felt like this experience is just right. Perhaps connecting with an experience where you felt like you made the right decision or you knew you did.

It could also be a situation that was synchronous or spontaneous, something that just randomly happened and it felt really good for you, where you felt like your body was saying yes.

So if you have multiple memories or ideas, feel free to just choose one of them. Sometimes it can be challenging for something to come into your awareness, a memory, if that’s you, notice what’s happening in you right now and how that feels.

If you have an experience or memory that brings up both positive and negative or turns out it was not a good experience after all, see if there’s a different one that you can choose, that feels more whole and complete.

If you need more time to open your senses and open your memories, and let one land in your space, just pause the recording right now until you’re ready.

Picture the Memory

If you’re ready to move forward, go ahead and picture this memory.

Dive right back into connection with yourself in the moment of this experience that felt just right to you, that felt congruent, with you, inside and out.

Notice you’re setting, notice the space around you and where you were, how the air was, if there were any smells.

Notice the sounds. Sense color or texture around you.

Let yourself remember anything you can about that moment.

Notice what you might have been wearing, how your body was.

Immerse in It

And let your body now immerse into this experience.

And as you connect with the moment that felt just right, that felt like you were in agreement with this experience and it was an agreement with you.

Notice how your body feels right now, what it’s like for you now.

Sense in your body, any sensation that’s happening, and where it’s happening.

Be aware of any emotions, the contraction or expansion in your body.

Sense how you’re breathing and also the temperature in your body.

Notice where your body is released, expanded, or spacious and take a moment to bring your attention to the spot in your body that feels the best and most aligned with this experience even if it’s a tiny little spot.

Practice

Sometimes it’s really clear what your body feels like when you feel congruent or aligned with yourself. And the more you practice, the clearer and clearer it will get. And other times it feels hard to distinguish or perhaps your body isn’t feeling very much.

I encourage you to continue to practice and do it a couple of times to the different memory just a touch into a moment in time and you can do this now.

Another Moment

Connect with a different moment that felt like you are congruent with yourself, that what you were feeling on the inside, connected with your experience on the outside, perhaps that you showed up as who you were, or that there was a connection between inner experience and outer world.

Notice how you feel now in your body as you connect with this second experience if you had one.

Again, staying with the place in your body that feels most pleasant, neutral or at peace.

Noticing inside, if there’s any color or texture as you feel into that sensation.

Take your time to deepen into the experience and notice what happens as you stay with it, whether it’s the first or second memory.

Anytime your mind goes away into something else, note that, observe that and just come back to what you’re feeling in your body, in your heart, picturing what’s happening inside, noticing your breath.

Rewind

If you’d like to do this a couple more times, which really reinforces the experience of congruence and alignment in your body, feel free to rewind the podcast or come back another time.

Closing

If you’re ready to close, just take a couple more moments and imprint this experience into your psyche, into your inner world, your body, your wisdom, as to how it is that you experience congruence in your body.

Make a mental note that you can connect with your body and check-in and feel into any moment and whether it feels like this or if it feels different, showing you a different emotion or piece of wisdom that your body is trying to tell you about the experience.

This can be a gauge for whether something is in alignment with you, as a whole or not. And again, it takes a little bit of practice to discern where a sensation is coming from, and what a sensation or emotion is connected with, whether that’s connected with some fear or whether that’s connected with congruence on one level but not on another. So it’s a bit of sorting.

Gentleness to Fortify Your Way

I recommend just continuing to practice and being gentle with yourself as you fortify your way of connecting with your congruence as you fortify your way of knowing. When life hands you an experience that you say yes to or that you say no to.

And as you begin to come out of the experience, go ahead and just start to move your body or stretch if you need.

Give your body a bit of touch that feels soothing or supportive on the belly or the legs or perhaps a self-hug, and notice the touch, notice the sensation.

Begin to slowly open your eyes and come back to your setting, noticing the place, noticing what’s around you, being right here.

More and End

I’m so grateful that you joined me today.

If you enjoyed this or are curious about other healing experiences and meditations that come from Somatic Experiencing practices blended with Family Constellations, blended with voice dialogue, Yoga, Ayurveda, and other Somatic and indigenous practice. Feel free to check them out at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Specifically, all the healing experiential and meditations are going to be listed at CandiceWu.com/meditations. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is with special guest Kerry Maiorca of the beloved Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago, and in this episode, we explore how to give yourself permission that you can’t do this wrong, that how we do self-care is more important than what we do, why first graders are better at meditation than you are, and being brave to do what’s enough and not more.

Candice Wu 0:25

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:38

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:56

This episode is sponsored by My Workshops. The next one coming up is July 21, 2019, in Chicago, Illinois, and it’s called Restore the Flow of Love, whether it related to abundance, money, love, relationships, your health, or disease, tension in your body, your career, your purpose, our struggles related to these connect with early unconscious and unspoken ways of belonging and the flow of love through the ancestry. So, the connection with our lineage is carried through our bodies, in the cells, the viscera, the heart, energy, in our disease, in our fluidity, in our freedom, and where those before us didn’t get to integrate a loss or trauma, where there was an imbalance or relationships, that flow of love is disrupted and is a placeholder for where there’s energy, strength, and resource waiting for us to open and for it to flow towards us.

Candice Wu 2:00

So, in family and systemic constellations, we constantly acknowledge these dynamics that are in the undercurrent of the system were a part of, whether they’re known or unknown. So, in this workshop will set up several constellations for people who are interested in seeing what those underlying dynamics are for, the struggles they’re having, or some area of life that they want something different, and in that, we restore the flow of love, allowing you to move from a more natural space from ease and freedom, and embodiment, authenticity, and truth. So, if you’re interested, check out the workshop at CandiceWu.com/flowoflove. If this day has already passed for you, you can check out all the other workshops coming up at CandiceWu.com/events.

Candice Wu 2:52

Hello, everyone, it’s great to have you, and I’m so excited to share this conversation with Kerry Maiorca today. Kerry’s mission is to inspire you to slow down, to breathe more deeply, and to do a little less. She specializes in teaching gentle and restorative yoga, and that’s how we met. I loved teaching restorative yoga at Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago and the community, all the people, the space, everything that Kerry touches is infused with this spaciousness, this love, and the simplicity of everyone can do this practice, we all can take a deep breath. So, I invite you to do this now, to take this deep breath, and to slow down, and I invite you into this conversation with Kerry to be nourished.

Candice Wu 3:47

Kerry is passionate about sharing the depth of her practice in an accessible, individualized and down-to-earth way, and she is also the chair of the board for the Yoga Alliance and has been teaching yoga for over 20 years. She loves mentoring, both new and experienced yoga teachers, to help them authentically shine in their practice and who they are, and as teachers, and in September 2019, she’ll be co-leading the Nourish Life Retreat in Aspen, and that is complete with gentle yoga, culinary-nutrition classes, and a creativity reboot, and she’ll share about that in this podcast as well as you can check out all that information at KerryMaiorca.com and in the show notes attached to this episode.

Candice Wu 4:35

So, with this inspiration of Kerry’s presence here, I invite you to slow down right now, to feel a breath, to just take in whatever’s here for you to a little less as you listen in today. Maybe don’t multitask or maybe just slow down a little bit, and I invite you into this conversation with Kerry.

Candice Wu 5:12

Hello Kerry, it’s great to have you on the show today.

Kerry Maiorca 5:15

Thank you so much for having me. I always love getting a chance to connect with you and really dive into interesting topics.

Candice Wu 5:23

I know, we talked about such interesting things. I’m so excited to talk to you, and where I met you was Bloom Yoga Studio, Kerry, and it’s, this is a studio that has been just growing, the word bloom is just so perfect. It is continually blooming and so lovely, and also, you’ve grown even more into different parts of you, I just would like to open the space for you to share where you are on your journey and what you’re doing now.

Kerry Maiorca 5:58

Thanks, Candice. I love the word bloom, too, and I love it for so many reasons because I think that, to me, it calls to mind the cycle of plant life and flowers, growth, and that it is something that you know, can change over periods of time and develop in different ways, and that’s really what is most exciting to me in my own life, and you know, I founded bloom 15 years ago, and, you know, it’s amazing to say that it’s hard, it’s been so much fun, it’s sort of flown by, but I really started it for very particular reasons, which are still true today, but have kind of also evolved, and I really founded Bloom because I felt like yoga could be very intimidating for people, and I had experienced the transformational benefits of it for myself.

Candice Wu 6:52

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 6:53

The practice of the postures, the deep and conscious breathwork, meditation, and then for me also, a huge, huge part was the restorative poses and relaxation. I know we have that same love of restorative work.

Candice Wu 7:10

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 7:11

And I just found that it seems complicated to the outside world, and sometimes the imagery of what means yoga, and what is that all about? Who are you? Who do you have to be able to practice it? I found that so many people never saw themselves in that image, and never felt it could fit in their lives. And so, that was really what started the whole place, and that’s what we’ve drawn, you know, we’ve drawn people.

Candice Wu 7:41

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 7:42

I just was talking with a trainee yesterday on our mentorship call, and he was saying to me, when I told people, I became a yoga teacher who’ve known me for my whole life, they could not believe it, and there’s just still, there’s like this barrier that people think yoga is other, and to me, like, you don’t need to be able to do anything fancy to be taking a deep breath, and slowing down, and that’s what I love most about yoga and what I love most about Bloom, and as you said, I really believe in a simple approach, because I think that that’s what works for me, you know, if I make it complicated, if I make it other or too esoteric, I don’t even ever get a chance to go into the depth, you know, because it just doesn’t feel like me, I’m silly, I’m goofy, I, you know, get frustrated. I yell at my kids sometimes, and then apologize later, you know, I make bad decisions. I’m a regular person. So, I think that’s really…

Candice Wu 8:47

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 8:47

….like, that is the thing I started it for, and I learned more about that as we’ve been open and it’s still so true for me today, and you know, now I’m shifting in different ways but that’s what, that’s what I love. That’s why I’m still doing this work. It’s not because of being able to do any fancy pose, it’s not about the splits or balancing on one hand, like that is not what I’m about. I’m about slowing down, breathing deeply, and just getting quiet.

Candice Wu 9:22

I feel that, you know, when I was a teacher there, which I just so adore of my time there and being just in that energy, and with people there, and also, being a student there at times, and just walking in the space is like I’m able to bring my whole self like, yes, the normal self. It’s not like I have to cut part of myself off and only be a certain part of myself to fit into this yoga class, and it’s so refreshing.

Kerry Maiorca 9:54

Yeah, I’m really glad that you felt that, and of course, oh my gosh, we were so delighted and honored to have you teaching at Bloom, and ah, you’re amazing, because I think you really embody that authenticity, and also, that sort of spacious, slow, deep work that I just, you know, whether I was in your class, or just being with you, talking with you, I always come away with that feeling, and it’s really inspiring. I love that about you.

Candice Wu 10:25

Thank you, I think restorative yoga gives me even more permission to do that because it’s this is the yoga. It gives me the format, to even go slower. So, it helps me.

Kerry Maiorca 10:42

But as a teacher, you have to be brave doing that. I think that the thing I’ve found, I talked about this a lot with teachers, and just think about this for myself. I’ve been teaching over 20 years, and still, I sometimes can go into class and think they’re going to want more.

Candice Wu 11:03

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 11:04

And this is this pull that we feel like as practitioners, sometimes we should be doing more, you know, the terrible should.

Kerry Maiorca 11:13

And as teachers, we worry that all they want their butts kicked, so I better you know, throw in a few more Chaturangas and hold all these strong poses longer, and there is nothing wrong with that, I’m you know, I love exercise, and I love straight strengthening my muscles and working, and I also feel the yoga space gives us one place in our life where it isn’t about that, and so, as teachers, and as practitioners, we should just seize that and enjoy it, because it might be the only time we get to do it. You know, slow, soft, and still be yourself. You don’t have to be so serious, and it doesn’t have to be so sacred. It is simple. It’s, but, profound.

Candice Wu 11:13

Yeah.

Candice Wu 12:00

Well, what you’re saying, like, it is a brave thing to do that, to like cut through, the expectations that we have on ourselves that the outer world may have on us or what we’ve, I don’t know, somehow, it just feels like so distorted. Like, somehow we have distorted this image of yoga that is this doing more, kicking our butts in place, and yeah, there is a level of bravery just to do it simply and to say, “No, I’m going to be brave and not do more.” And be brave and do the simple thing.

Kerry Maiorca 12:34

And what’s so amazing about that, when you do that, whether you’re a teacher or as a practitioner, yourself, when you give yourself permission to do less, is that as you practice it over time, it translates into your real life. You know, for me, this morning, for example, I woke up and I had had a plan to do a more active asana practice, and I woke up and I just, I was tired. Like my body felt a little bit drained. But I still really wanted to practice, and so I thought, well, what can I do that honors how I’m actually feeling, you know, but and gets me that sense of connection, and so, I decided I was going to practice my meditation, and just do restorative only that day.

Candice Wu 13:25

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 13:26

And then the funny part was, that my youngest child who’s just almost four, she had another idea, which was she wanted to play with me in the morning, and so, I, my yoga practice became, “Oh, this is my time to connect with my daughter.” I went in, we played babies, we had a lovely time, I get to take a nap because that was part of the game. I was very happy.

Candice Wu 13:49

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 13:50

And then I said to her, okay, now, you know, now I need to go do my practice. And so I went in, and I sat down and I practice my meditation for a few minutes, and then in she comes, you know, “Can I sit with you?” How sweet is that! So, I opened up my blanket and she sits on my lap, I cuddle her in, and she sat with me in meditation for maybe like two minutes, which for almost-four-year-old is a long time.

Candice Wu 14:16

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 14:17

And then she scurried off on her way, and you know, she got to see me advocating for myself, to take time to do quiet and stillness, and then she got to, you know, tap into it for a second, and for me, you know, the me of five years ago, would have felt frustrated, resentful, and also just sort of like, sorry for myself, you know, I woke up early, and then my daughter took this time for me that I wanted for my practice, but the real-life is always happening, and that’s where, if yoga is only about achieving the poses, and doing something, it doesn’t really help you in your real life. You’re sitting you’ll be bent out of shape, when you know, someone at work does something that bothers you or your partner had, you know, you have a fight with your partner, and you’re not going to be able to even see that as the yoga but that is the yoga.

Kerry Maiorca 15:13

And so, you have to have the actual practice, and you have to carve out the space and time to you know, get slow, get still, get quiet and do those practices, and I love my asana practice, it’s just become way less important to me, then the mindset, which carries off of my meditation and into my life, where I can see, “Hey, she needs to connect with me right now.” That’s beautiful, and I want to do that.

Candice Wu 15:36

That’s beautiful. And when you say that is the yoga, I love that, and what can you say more, that is the yoga and the mindset.

Kerry Maiorca 15:48

If you think back to what any of the, you know, ancient texts of yoga that whatever your tradition and approach, you know, those are there, you know, whether you really resonate with some of these texts or not, they are the foundation of what you are practicing when you are practicing yoga, and I always like to think about and when I’m teaching, you know, tell my students that the asana is the vehicle for what’s actually happening, you know, the asana, the poses themselves, those are not doing yoga, you know, we call that that it’s, that’s the easiest way to call it when we’re in a class, those are the things we practice to get us in our bodies and to connect with the breath, and you know, to also take care, its maintenance, I see asana as maintenance, it’s a way to stay a little stronger, a little bit gently mobile and balanced, and then to use the breath to regulate the nervous system, those are the maintenance tasks.

Kerry Maiorca 16:51

If it only ends there to me, that’s really, that’s short, changing what I could be experiencing with yoga. I like to think about what is the pose for, you know, why am I practicing oppose whether it’s restorative or active? What am I doing it for? Partly, I’m doing it to maintain the body but I could do that at a gym. So, what’s the difference? And so to me, I think the difference is the mindset, and the idea of, you know, non-harming, of being truthful with ourselves, like for me this morning, truth was, I need a slow, soft practice, and you know, some days it’s, I need to not go to the gym, today, I need to do something gentler with myself, or I need to go to bed really early, even though I was planning on doing a little work before bed, it’s those kinds of things, where you’re attentive to what’s actually happening, rather than putting should, over everything you do, and operating in a robotic way.

Kerry Maiorca 17:51

To me, the yoga of everyday life is learning to be more intuitive, and more connected, we use what we do in the yoga classroom, to develop those skills, to develop greater sensitivity to the body and the breath, and to actually be quiet enough to hear the thoughts, because most of our daily life doesn’t give us the space for that, or we don’t take it, we could, anytime. But it’s hard to take it with, you know, what we read and what we do on a device and our work, and our family, and listening to music, and you know, listening to wonderful podcasts, like yours.

Kerry Maiorca 18:29

You know, we’re always about input, and when you get on a yoga mat, you know, I practice and teach with silence. Some people use music, even with you know, very quiet music, you can still access this, but personally, I love to practice in silence because it’s not input, and then I can hear my thoughts and I can get to know, what am I saying to myself? Am I kind? Am I telling myself I’m not good enough? You know, it’s that to me is where yoga on a mat, whether it’s in a class or in my home practice, it’s the way to maintain the body to regulate the breath and the nervous system, and then to really just physically provide a rest. But it’s so much about the mind, and I get some of my, I don’t know if this happens to you, Candice, but I get some of my best ideas for writing, when I’m practicing, you know, and just…

Candice Wu 19:22

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 19:23

…like the creativity, it’s just incredible.

Candice Wu 19:25

This start flowing.

Kerry Maiorca 19:27

Yeah.

Candice Wu 19:28

Yeah. I mean, I get it all. I get the creativity, some days, and some days, I get the grief for the sadness, or the anger or whatever. But it’s that place to really listen, as you’re saying, and I love how you’re speaking to not taking it as a robotic and rigid practice, but as that tool to learn the flexibility and mobility in your daily life, to be present to what’s happening and respond, and listen to how you’re talking yourself in those moments, when you made a plan for something else.

Kerry Maiorca 20:03

Yeah.

Candice Wu 20:04

When your daughter comes in and says, “Can I sit with you?” And what happens right in that moment, and what’s needed and honoring that, and it’s so interesting how we have segmented that from daily life, like yoga as a separate thing.

Kerry Maiorca 20:23

Yeah.

Candice Wu 20:24

And it’s not.

Kerry Maiorca 20:24

I love that, I love what you said about, it’s about flexibility and mobility in daily life. I think that’s so true, and you can see the class or the practice at home as the workshopping, you know, you’re developing strength, flexibility in your body, and hopefully, it comes with you. After you roll up the mat…

Candice Wu 20:46

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 20:47

…because life is not perfect, and there’s this feeling, I think that there has been this thought kind of running through my head, especially with kids, but you know, whether or not you have kids, everyone has busyness, or has can have busyness in their life, and there can be these times where you sort of tell yourself these stories, like when I’m not so busy, I’ll be more present, or I’ll be more patient or when I’m, you know, when this big project ends, that’s when I’m going to really recharge and take time for myself. And I, my mission is to empower other people and myself, continually remind myself that we don’t need to wait until things get perfect to find greater peace and well being and that we must prioritize that even in the busiest, most demanding stressful times because otherwise, what’s the point? You know, otherwise, it is just like you said, it’s such a separate thing.

Kerry Maiorca 21:43

And what I like about yoga is it’s not, it doesn’t feel separate to me. It feels so integrated because, you know, it’s a reminder, just, why not just take a deep breath now? And why not just when you’re tired in the afternoon, you lie down for 10 minutes and see, you know I think it’s just it’s so awesome. It’s such a great practical tool but like you said, it’s seen as this other thing that we do, and we’re wearing yoga clothes, you know, it’s like when we have a bunch of props and yoga clothes, and we’re like in a certain mindset, but it can be so much more than that.

Candice Wu 22:20

Absolutely. Well, and yoga in itself means union…

Kerry Maiorca 22:26

Yes.

Candice Wu 22:26

…and it is that integration of everything, not a separate practice, and I love how you’re saying this, we don’t need to wait until things get perfect to find greater peace and well being, and I definitely hear myself say at times, like when this week’s over, because it’s so busy,

Kerry Maiorca 22:48

Yeah.

Candice Wu 22:48

I’ll do the X, Y&Z or when this ends or when I’m not so busy, and now I’m just hearing that as you say it, just giving myself the cue that that is my signal, that I need to look at, “How did I get here to begin with, and let’s take that breath.”

Kerry Maiorca 23:06

Because it happens. That’s one part of the practice first. Yeah.

Candice Wu 23:09

Right. It already like I got here, I likely created that.

Candice Wu 23:16

Not to blame, you know, not to shame or blame or criticize ourselves. But yeah, I was just reading one of your articles about fear being your CEO, really not letting fear be your CEO, and it’s probably the times I let fear be my CEO that I got there to begin with, where I may be overloaded again, but to take the breath and just come out of it, the moment.

Kerry Maiorca 23:44

Yeah, and you’re so right, it’s totally not about blaming in any way. It’s, that’s not the point, because actually, the only way you can ever make a change is if you are aware of it, and that was sort of an interesting thing for me in my when I first came to yoga, you know, when we first practiced meditation, even in very small doses, I found it to be torturous, because the way my mind was working at that time was, as if was a scary place to be, because I just was like, I was just yelling at myself, I was just berating myself mentally, and you know, from the outside, you wouldn’t have known that and I’ve always been a very positive, upbeat, you know, kind of can-do person, but once I got quiet enough, then I was realizing, “Oh, my gosh, I am not nice to myself, mentally.”

Kerry Maiorca 24:35

And so, I think that when you do realize something like that, like, “Oh, man, how did I let busyness take over?” And I’ve really tried to remove the phrase, when someone asks me how I am, I really try hard not to ask, not to answer it by saying I’m busy, crazy busy, so busy, because it does something to me, it activates me in a way that is I don’t want to buy into.

Candice Wu 24:59

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 24:59

However, there are times when I look at my schedule and my life, and I think, “If I could go back and do this again, I would do it differently.” I’d structure you know, take this piece out or space out these big events, but, being able to say that even when you’re in the moment, you’re feeling the stress, you’re really feeling like, “Wow, that was not a decision I would make again,” that is powerful, and that is progress because at a certain point in your life, you had that same scenario and didn’t even see it, and so that’s what I like to think about whenever I’m having a moment where I’m feeling frustrated with myself and thinking, “I wish I would have done that differently,” made a different choice. I think to myself, “Oh, good. I just noticed that.” And even if I can’t do anything to change it right now, I’ve just noticed, maybe next time, I’ll notice and then maybe I’ll take action, but maybe not. You know, it takes a lot of time of just noticing before you can ever take action. That’s been my experience.

Candice Wu 25:57

Absolutely.

Kerry Maiorca 25:59

And I think that the other thing about that, what is the action, by tendency, I’ll speak for myself only. My tendency is one of extremes, and so I am great at being 100% on and just going pushing, you know, I can just go, I can do it, and then off, like off sleeping, you know, that’s really good and easy for, you know, that’s like great on and off is great. It’s the in-between. That’s hard, and so, I think when we think about us getting to this place where we’re super stressed, we’re feeling more like that hundred percent, and it’s not sustainable, it doesn’t feel positive. When we think about well, “What could I do to counteract that or help myself get back to a feeling of normalcy or feeling, you know, rested and nurtured?” The tendency is I need, you know, an hour and a half yoga class or I need an hour-long massage, I need a weekend away, or I need, you know, it can see me like the fix to that is something big, but what I have found, and what I’m trying to practice and teach is that the fixed can be small.

Kerry Maiorca 27:08

So, if I only have five minutes to breathe deeply, and to just calm myself down, that is really powerful, and if I do that on a more regular basis, I still need the longer thing, you know, I need the long restorative practice, I need time away from everyone to recharge, but, on a sort of day to day basis, you’re not going to have those opportunities, most of us, and so, what can you find? You can find small moments to breathe, or you can do a 15-minute restorative pose. That is magic. That’s like the thing I wish everyone would do. I tell my teachers so much like just set your timer, lie down, take a pose 15 minutes and see what happens. You’re a different person. It’s magic.

Candice Wu 27:56

Yeah, well, every time I do that, even for like two minutes, I’m a different person.

Kerry Maiorca 28:00

Oh, yeah.

Candice Wu 28:01

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 28:01

That’s right.

Candice Wu 28:03

Maybe even one or 30 seconds.

Kerry Maiorca 28:06

Or even a few, even three deep breaths. I mean, so, if I’m with my kids, and I’m feeling like I’m just up to my eyeballs in it, and I’m so struggling, I’m struggling to be kind and compassionate and patient, I will take even one breath, I’ll take a breath, exhale through my mouth and feel the tension releasing from my shoulders and my neck, soften my jaw, and then I sometimes not all the time have the presence of mine to say to them, “I’m sorry, I’ve been a little frustrated. I’m feeling tired. I didn’t get enough sleep, or I’m feeling a little bit stressed because I have this thing do later, and I was thinking about that.” And that’s amazing when I can do that, and some days I just plain can’t, but at least I took the breath.

Candice Wu 28:50

Absolutely. I love how encouraging you are to yourself now, and in even just noticing the thing that you’d like to change and encouraging yourself that you noticed it and that that’s a good thing. We don’t do that as a whole society. Like, “Oh, well, that should have changed years ago.”

Kerry Maiorca 29:11

Yes.

Candice Wu 29:12

So why didn’t, right?

Kerry Maiorca 29:14

Well, I do have some of that, too.

Candice Wu 29:16

Yeah. Don’t we all?

Kerry Maiorca 29:18

Yeah.

Candice Wu 29:19

Yeah. Well, I was curious, Kerry. What are you struggling with today? What do you tussling with, or what feels up in the air for you, of your learning?

Kerry Maiorca 29:33

I think that the thing I’m always struggling with is my relationship with time. I think that I am a person that fills up the space I’m in and fully, you know, fully loves and embodies what I’m in and doing, and I tend to want to put more into everything, you know, I’m a more person, I think it’s this, this struggle with more. I’m really trying to find enough, and to see, like, what would be enough to do today, in this time, I have? You know, like, in my own work life, I can set a list of, you know, five things I want to accomplish in a two-hour period and think that’s realistic. So, you know…

Candice Wu 30:26

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 30:27

….this evolution of what if I just did a little less, you know, so I think the reason I teach this stuff, is because I’m still working with it myself. It’s not I don’t teach it from a place of mastery, I teach it from a place of process and of this really strong conviction that there are lots of people who have the same struggle of more, and for those of us who are more people, the practice is, how can I do a little less and find enough. So, I think that that’s really where I am, and I see it in a lot of different aspects of my life. Just sort of my professional goals for myself, you know, with my writing or with, you know, projects, I’m taking on, that piece of it, I see it with what I want to try to do with my kids, I see it with my own, you know, personal practice and sort of self-care time, and it’s just always this balance. It’s like, what would be enough right now?

Candice Wu 31:32

I just take a really nice, deep breaths of that, how do I do a little lesson find enough? I struggle with that too, with time, and the most recent thing that happened for me, in my healing process about time, is that I found that it connected with my young self. Well, again, right, like layers and layers of working with. But here’s another piece, like my younger self, it came back to the same thing in a deeper way, that there was a feeling of wanting more time with my mother when I was younger, and there were certain circumstances of not, of perhaps me wanting more, than the time could give, but also certain circumstances where she had to be away and doing, and working. Certain occasions that when I was an infant, and then into young life, and I could just connect with that part of me that it was kind of life or death feeling that if I didn’t have enough time, it would just feel so terrible, and I needed more, I needed more, I needed more, and that just applied to the rest of my life blindly, you know, where I would just fill it with more, but it never really satisfied that.

Candice Wu 32:53

So, if filling my time with more was satisfying to the part of me that needed it, then it would have been complete…

Kerry Maiorca 33:01

Right.

Kerry Maiorca 33:09

Wow, that is so beautiful. I love that perspective, and I think, you know, thanks for sharing that. That’s, really profound, and I think that regardless of kind of that, whether that feeling is there as a child, or as you know, as an infant, there’s something that’s so universal in the part about kind of more love for yourself, too, you know, like, regardless of whether where that came from that’s, you know, I really love what you shared, I’m going to ponder that, and I know that what you said about giving yourself more just never does it, it just fills you with more stuff.

Candice Wu 34:21

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 34:21

Like it’s just more stuff, and sometimes, it just becomes even more distractions and more challenges, and more ways to take you away from your true self, and I love your choice of the word nourished, and that has become a really powerful word for me. Just in the last few months, I started working with my dear friend, Laura, and she’s, and now we’re business partners, and we kind of came together around this concept of what it means to be nourished because I was thinking about it, you know, sort of like the word bloom to me meant something really powerful. This word nourished, you know, it’s obviously it calls to mind food, and, you know, I tried to be conscious about what I feed and put in my body and my children, and my, you know, my husband, like, I love to cook, that’s one of my great passions, and I love to think about food as this really not just like kind of another should, and I should eat the healthy foods that this magazine told me to eat, you know, but rather to, again, tap into intuition, and to say like, “What would really nourish me, not just my physical self, but just sort of would feel like comfort and love?”

Kerry Maiorca 35:46

And so, there was that piece of that, and then to me that the what we were talking about with yoga, that is the other place that I felt like the self-care practices that have become so important to me. You know, I was doing a lot of the same stuff for many years, like yoga, massage, you know, running or hiking or biking or being in nature or taking a nap or like, you know, all these different, reading a book, all these different self-care type practices were in my life, but I realized it was with a very different mindset, and you can do, you can go do yoga or you know, go get a pedicure, or go for a hike, and you could do it in a way that’s kind of checked out, like there’s a way to do those self-care things, but to be a little bit mentally checked out, and they don’t have the same impact.

Kerry Maiorca 36:41

You know, it’s about how we do them, and so, this idea to me is how can we create a feeling of nourishing our whole self, so of course, with good healthy food, and then with whatever our movement practices for me, it’s gentle and restorative yoga, that’s in my end meditation, but then also, like, “Where are the other pieces of our life that helped to nourish us?” You know, it’s, to me, a connection with nature, and being, you know, being active, moving, you know, being strong, and then also bringing in this sense of creativity, like, do we have things that are just for pure joy, not work, I’m a person who can get all wrapped up in my work, and then my, you know, families like responsibilities, and then I find I just feel depleted.

Kerry Maiorca 37:29

So, when I go and take time, at night, after everyone’s in bed, I’m done with everything, and I sit down at the piano, and I just play piano for a little bit or I write a poem, or I sit just in front of the fireplace with tea, and I just not for long, it doesn’t have to be an hour. It can be 20 minutes, you know, it can be five minutes if that’s all I have, but when I bring these nourishing practices in, and I think about them from a different perspective, where it’s not about, well, I should really get my hike in, or I should really get my yoga in. It feels really different, and you give yourself permission to trust that what you choose to do is going to be enough.

Kerry Maiorca 38:11

You know, I think a lot of times, there’s a lot wrapped up in why we do these things, like why we practice yoga or do exercise or eat healthfully. A lot of times it comes from this kind of self-bullying, self-shaming place of like, well, if I don’t, maybe my body will change in a way I don’t like, and you know, I have been there, I’ve been through a lot of struggles with that, body image and unhealthy disordered eating, and like plenty of things, you know, in my early 20s was a major struggle, and this mindset shift is what enables you to love yourself and to trust that loving and nourishing yourself, your whole self. That is always a good move. You’ll never gonna regret that decision.

Candice Wu 39:04

I love that. Loving your whole self is always a good move.

Kerry Maiorca 39:34

Hmmm.

Kerry Maiorca 39:39

Exactly. It’s like a punishment reward mentality, and it’s this threat or worry or yes, and it’s so you don’t you can’t even recognize it as that until you really dive in and see it. You know, because of course, we know, we only get one body, so, you want to make sure you keep it healthy. But I think that it’s really about trust. You know, it’s about trusting that you know better than whatever the latest thing has come out in any diet or exercise magazine. Like, there’s just those things change all the time, because they’re selling magazines. Experts are selling books, like, you know, I think it’s a great idea to not put your sort of spiritual development or sort of the whole self-development in the hands of someone who’s trying to sell you something, because…

Candice Wu 40:28

Oh, yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 40:29

…..you know better.

Candice Wu 40:32

Absolutely. I tried to ignore a lot of things and a lot of input now because, oh, it’s just so much.

Kerry Maiorca 40:40

Yeah.

Candice Wu 40:42

And it clouds my ability to hear myself.

Kerry Maiorca 40:46

Yes.

Candice Wu 40:46

I think that protection from what’s just being told to us and fed to us is really important, so we can hear ourselves.

Kerry Maiorca 40:56

Mm-hmm.

Candice Wu 40:57

Yeah, thank you for that reminder. We can trust what we know inside, and we know better than what someone else might say to us, or encourage us even sometimes, it’s not always the right thing, but we need to listen to ourselves.

Kerry Maiorca 41:16

Yeah, and it’s also like what you see, when you look around, and you know, those around you, you might feel you’re trying to keep up and kind of match what someone else is doing, and you know, as a person who’s the competitive athlete, I have a strong competitive drive, and so for me, just like what you’re saying, I really have been. It’s a practice of, you know, withdrawal of the senses. It’s this take coming away from all the input, advice, you know, the sort of keeping up with the, you know, this and this or that friend, or this or that person to say, what’s really happening right now, and to know that, when you tune into that, you are taking care of yourself in the best possible way, and yeah, that’s all. That’s really that’s what you need.

Candice Wu 42:04

Yeah. So, tell me more about your nourish life retreat that you spoke of with Laura.

Kerry Maiorca 42:12

yes, well, I am so excited about this. So, Laura is a culinary nutritionist. She’s the founder of golden root nutrition and she does, I’ve been so honored and privileged to be able to eat her amazing food. So, she really creates and brings this beautiful balance of food that is whole and healthy, and it’s simple but it’s delicious, and she teaches other people how to do that, and I have learned so much from her myself, you know, just even like how to approach this topic that can seem very overwhelming, you know, if you’re trying to eat healthfully for yourself, or if you are responsible for cooking for others, there’s so much input and advice, and it’s overwhelming.

Kerry Maiorca 43:02

So, the retreat is going to consist of me leading some gentle and restorative yoga practices a couple of times, and Laura will be teaching culinary nutrition classes, and then we’ll be eating the delicious food we make. And then, we also will be in Aspen, Colorado, which is a gorgeous place, a really, a place of great wild beauty, and we’re going in September, which is an incredible time to be there because trees are all changing colors, the weather is just delightful, and I think a lot of times two people have an image of what Aspen is, and there is this other side of Aspen that’s kind of there with the sort of glamorous side, but our retreat, we’re staying at a family-owned in right in town, and it’s just so warm and beautiful, and we’re really going to be trying to create this place where it’s, you bring your real self, your very real, imperfect, perfect self, and we come together for sometimes of yoga.

Kerry Maiorca 44:10

There’s going to be some option to explore meditation every day, and then we’ll have these classes where you can just think like, “What could I do with my, the way I nourish myself with food that could just make me feel more energized?” Laura has this class eating for awesome energy, you know, how could I see the way my food could just contribute to my well being, and be delicious and enjoyable, and wonderful, and then we’ll also have time to do some connection with nature. So, we’ll have a, there’s this beautiful riverfront path, and a John Denver sanctuary, which I’m a huge John Denver fan, this is beautiful place where you can go and kind of look at his lyrics and to sort of reflect on in nature, in this beautiful place, his legacy, and then we’ll also be going to the top of Aspen mountain and enjoying a hike there and just a moderate hike, nothing intense, but really more about the practice of being in nature and being quiet in nature.

Kerry Maiorca 45:18

And then the last component of it is, we’re going to have a creativity night. So, I am, I just was writing this piece, it’s going to come out in my next newsletter, it’s called, “Where is the joy?” And it’s about this rut, I started to find myself and where I was kind of going through my everyday life, and just, you know, doing all the things I had to do even doing my self-care practices, you know, I’m vigilant, like I have to get that in, it’s very important to my mental well-being as well as my physical, so, I don’t miss it. But it was like, okay, my self-care practices of yoga, meditation and, you know, exercise or hiking, and you know, doing my family obligation things, you know, getting my kids to where they need to go being preparing, you know, doing all the things around the house.

Kerry Maiorca 46:08

And then you know, doing my work, I actually work for the yoga studio, for my own new writing ventures, for the retreat, and then you know, the end of the date comes and it was just like, “Wow, that’s it. That’s all I got left.” And I started to feel the sense of, you know, you go through the day, do you feel like you’re doing your day? You know, do you feel like you’re just sort of checking everything off the list? And is there any room for joy? Is there any room for things that have no purpose, but to nourish you and help you feel more alive? And so we’ll have this one night, just an hour, where we will gather by the fireplace, and you’ll be invited to bring, a craft, if you have one or journal if you like to doodle or write or that kind of thing, or will have a very special creative activity that will do, will provide it, and it’s just going to be a very small little time to be kind of quiet, and to focus on doing something that, again, doesn’t have a purpose. It’s not about making an amazing work of art. It’s just about tapping into how creativity nourishes you. So, I’m just so excited. I am like over the moon excited about it, and Laura’s amazing. I’m so honored to work with her and yeah, just I can’t wait.

Candice Wu 47:30

I love that. I love this, and I can feel your excitement, and just reading the details, as well, and hearing you speak about it now, especially this creativity night. I love the aspect of doing that together.

Kerry Maiorca 47:50

Mm-hmm.

Candice Wu 47:51

And it sounds like the space is open, that it’s an individual or group, you know, with other people kind of experience, but just being together with that intention of creativity sounds really lovely, and that joy without a purpose. It’s so important in our lives, and for me, it was life-changing to bring in joy without a purpose.

Kerry Maiorca 48:17

Yes.

Candice Wu 48:17

It was like, “Wait, I can actually do that.” Right?

Kerry Maiorca 48:21

I don’t have to be. Yeah like, don’t wait for someone to tell you to do it. You know, when we’re kids, it’s so easy. It’s so easy to just choose things that are just joyful, and you know, like, what are you doing it for know, just for fun, and as adults, like, we don’t need to wait until someone says. Just go have fun or just do this thing because it’s enjoyable. It’s that we need to advocate for ourselves to do that.

Candice Wu 48:48

We do. We do. So, how can people join the retreat or get more information? Where can people find it?

Kerry Maiorca 48:58

We have our website at getnourished.life, and we have all the information about the retreat there, and we’re keeping it very small, we’re only having 12 spots. So, get to it, if there’s interest.

Candice Wu 49:16

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 49:17

Yeah, that’s where you can learn more and then can register, and I also just wanted to share about it, I’ve had the experience with retreats myself, this kind of like, abrupt shift from my perfect retreat self to my imperfect daily life self. You know, for me, going away from my family, being in control of my time not having work to do, and eating healthy, delicious food and like, you know, doing yoga and meditation, all these things that can feel like for those few days, I’m like perfect. You know, my idealized self, and I was going to Laura and I have been talking about this a lot about how we really want you to feel like when you’re on this retreat, you are your regular whole self with all of your pieces. You know, it’s about being real, and it’s about whatever is going on in your life is still there, and that’s okay, and you can still engage in these practices in a way that just feels manageable.

Kerry Maiorca 50:21

So, we’re not doing, you know, six hours of yoga a day, and we’re not doing you know, a three-hour-long, intense hike. It’s like we’re doing little mini doses of everything, and then we’re giving you practical tools so that when you go back to your daily life, our hope is you just will bring in, just a tiny bit, like a little bit of something. And so, when people feel called to kind of escape, you know, we’re really trying to make this retreat, not an escape. You know, it’s about being in your life, but just trying to bring in to invoke some different ways of being with yourself. So, we’re thinking about it as this just a part of your life that is this sort of like recharge, want to recharge the batteries, so you can go back to your real life, and let some of that nourished spirit infuse your day.

Candice Wu 51:15

Oh, I feel that very much. It’s like not this getaway escape from reality. It’s, let’s incorporate and let’s weave in, and also not make this an experience that’s undigestible, but one that’s simple.

Kerry Maiorca 51:30

Right.

Candice Wu 51:31

And reminds you of the simplicity being enough, and that you can just bring one little thing into your life and see what it does.

Kerry Maiorca 51:40

Yes.

Candice Wu 51:41

Beautiful.

Kerry Maiorca 51:43

Thank you.

Candice Wu 51:43

Thank you. I’m so excited for you, and everyone that’s gonna be on the retreat, and I also, I want to hear about your mentorship for yoga teachers.

Kerry Maiorca 51:54

Oh, thank you. Yes, I am so excited about this. I’ve been training teachers since 2011, and I love working with teachers, whether they’re brand new or now I also lead a gentle yoga teacher training, and so that’s for established teachers and helping them really explore this approach I’m talking about, this gentle, softer approach. So, I’ve been doing that for many years, and this winter, I just launched my very first online mentorship program for teachers of any level of experience, and we just wrapped up our first session, and it’s a combination of a monthly over four months, a monthly video conversation around a particular topic, and then I send out a follow up that kind of talks about what we, about the key points. It also includes a 30-minute mentorship call with me directly one-on-one, which I’ve so enjoyed those conversations, they’ve been so rich.

Kerry Maiorca 53:00

I just really like this. It’s, I kind of one of my mentors or mentees who was just in the program said, “This is like grad school for yoga teachers.” And I was like, “I love that!”

Candice Wu 53:10

Oh, cool!

Kerry Maiorca 53:11

I surveyed a bunch of my past trainees before, starting to see that, “What are the topics that you most need?” Like, what do you most need a refresher on and sort of more support, both from me and from the fellow people in the teacher circle mentorship group, and so, I kind of picked those topics and group them in ways that felt logical and reasonable, but so much of it is to me really about being intentional and mindful about what are you doing in your teaching and why, and then even more important, how is your practice, because all of us as teachers, the further along you go, you know, it’s common for people to lose sight of the importance of their practice, and to let their teacher self overtake their practitioner self, and you’ve got to be a practitioner first.

Kerry Maiorca 54:06

And so, the mentorship group is really about all of those things, and we have like a Google group that we sort of I offer, little sort of tips or reminders throughout the month between calls, and then others share and oh my gosh, are the people who are in this group, they are so wise. I mean, I just, I love it. So, it has been a total delight, and I’m going to run another one, starting September through December. So, I’ll be opening that up soon for registration, but I just love it. I love working with teachers to refine.

Candice Wu 54:41

That’s so great. Yeah, and you have so much wisdom to share, especially that part where you talked about teaching from your process, and from process rather than mastery. I just imagine that helps so many people because we’re all in process. We’re not done.

Kerry Maiorca 55:02

Yup.

Candice Wu 55:02

And that’s exactly whole and right…

Kerry Maiorca 55:06

Yeah.

Candice Wu 55:06

….right now. So, I just, I appreciate the space you’re creating, and so glad that you’re doing this.

Kerry Maiorca 55:15

Thank you, Candice.

Candice Wu 55:17

Well, and there’s one more bit that I’m so excited for the podcast is that you’re offering an experience for people to join into. This will be an extension of this episode, and this episode is going to be found at CandiceWu.com/kerry, KERRY, and so, you’re offering an experience or meditation or some sort of guided practice. Do you want to say more about it now or do you want to leave it as a surprise as it comes out?

Kerry Maiorca 55:51

I think I’d like to leave it as a surprise.

Candice Wu 55:54

Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 55:55

As an exploration.

Candice Wu 55:56

That’s delightful. Yeah.

Kerry Maiorca 55:59

I love that you offer these. I love love love that you offer these, I think it’s just a great way. I think so much of this type of work can seem really just inaccessible or just sort of mystical or too out there, and like when you offer these experiential, you’re taking, I’ve listened to many of the ones that you’ve offered, I just think they’re lovely, and like then you take these ideas and concepts, and you immediately make them felt and embodied just like the name of your podcast. So, I really love that you do that, and I’m so excited to share. I can’t wait.

Candice Wu 56:35

Thank you. Thank you. I’m so excited to experience yours, I know that exactly. It’s like we talk about these concepts in our minds, and that is the way we can communicate across audio, across. Yeah, distance and time, and yet the real thing, the real practice itself is the being in it. So, I can’t wait to hear that and experience that with you. Is there anything else you want to share today?

Kerry Maiorca 57:06

I would like to thank you for having me and to thank you for your friendship and for all of the really amazing explorations that we’ve had together over the years. I just think I’m inspired by the work you do, and the way that you do it in a way that isn’t rigid or about kind of perfecting one thing and then delivering it again, that sort of robotic nature, but how, when I talk with you, I feel more inspired to be more fully who I am, and I love that about you, and so, I’m very grateful to you for inviting me to have this conversation in this way, and I look forward to our continued conversations and friendships, and to all the different ways that we’re going to keep learning more about ourselves, and that you know, and then hopefully, in the process, just inspire more people to do that and love themselves more.

Candice Wu 58:13

Thank you so much. That’s really touching, Kerry, and I have so appreciated our friendship and our companionship, and every time I talk to you, and we exchange our personal lives and what’s going on and just what we’re thinking about, I walk away with this feeling of, “Wow, Kerry notices one simple thing,” and that just makes such a huge difference to me, and then it gives me that feeling of noticing more of the little things in my life and recognizing how important those are and how that’s enough. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Kerry Maiorca 58:56

Thank you, Candice.

Candice Wu 58:57

I really appreciate you.

Kerry Maiorca 58:59

And I appreciate you, too, and your wonderful Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 59:04

Thank you, and I do have one more question if it’s okay?

Kerry Maiorca 59:09

Yeah, of course.

Candice Wu 59:10

I would love for you to talk about how first graders are better at meditating than we are. I loved that article.

Kerry Maiorca 59:20

Did you like that?

Candice Wu 59:20

I did, It was so, like, delightful, and I just would love for you to share it with everyone listening today, if they haven’t read this or this now.

Kerry Maiorca 59:31

Oh, that was so much fun. I, so, when my daughter, my middle daughter was in first grade, I was invited to come to the class and, you know, share some yoga with the kids, and I did this, I’ve done this with, you know, all of my kids where I’ve gone to their school and just taught a little yoga until they got too embarrassed to have me come.

Kerry Maiorca 59:54

My son’s in seventh grade now, that is not cool now. But I will say my kids do sometimes grab our yoga pretzels partner deck and do partner Yoga together, and that makes me so happy. But back then, I was invited to come to her class, and I’ve been teaching them yoga and all these wonderful kind of kids’ yoga adaptations and techniques. But when I found the love the most was the relaxation at the end, and I would always do a guided visualization that just helped them relax and seeing their little faces like it was magic. And so, I thought, well, you know, why shouldn’t I just give them more of that if that’s what they want, and so, I decided I was going to also teach them meditation, and I was like, all right, this seems a little intimidating, you know, how are they going to do? Everyone associates first graders have been really wiggly and high energy, and they are.

Kerry Maiorca 1:00:51

So, we went out, and we were really fortunate to be able to do this in the garden. So, we went out to the garden at our school, and I said to them, you know, “Okay, so we’re going to do our yoga, and then at the end, let’s try some meditation.” And I had a bunch of kids just shoot their hands up into the air, like, I know about meditation, cross their legs, put their hands into a mudra, close their eyes, and then go all like really peaceful and serene, just like they owned it like they’ve been doing it forever.

Candice Wu 1:01:19

Oh.

Kerry Maiorca 1:01:19

And they were like, I’m so good at meditation. I do meditate. They were so excited about it, and so that just kind of tickled me a little and I thought, “Okay, well, let’s see how it goes.” When we got there, to that part of the practice, they all took their seats and he got quiet, and you know, these very wiggly bodies really became still. And, you know, I don’t know what was happening for them in their head. I don’t know how much the stuck with them or didn’t, but the reason I wrote that piece why first graders are better at meditation than you are is because they were 100% unintimidated to just try it, and they completely put themselves in it, for how many minutes 2 3 5 minutes that we did it. They just like embodied meditation, and without any, you know, any other sort of inner voice telling them that they’re not doing it right, they don’t know enough, is this really meditation, and that’s been my experience as an adult until, you know, up until the last, like 10 years of my practice. So, halfway through.

Kerry Maiorca 1:02:22

My experience of being a practitioner, was when I finally got comfortable with meditation, I just never felt like I could really do it, until finally one day, one teacher gave me permission, and she said, “You can’t do this wrong.” And I realized, like, “Oh, okay,” and that the kids really got. They weren’t worried about whether they were doing it, right. They just did it, and so, that’s what I would love for anyone who’s even curious if the word meditation is intimidating to you. Use mindfulness, use quiet, use stillness, like whatever word works, but I just think that if we could, even for two minutes or three minutes, five minutes, just sit or lie down. Be quiet, maybe close the eyes if that feels safe, but just take some time to go in. We would feel a change in a shift if we did it on a regular basis, and that’s what I just loved about those first graders. They had moxy man, they weren’t worried about me telling them if they’re doing it right. They just did it, and they were awesome.

Candice Wu 1:03:25

They were telling you how to do it. Like, this is what it is.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:27

I know, they really were. They really were.

Candice Wu 1:03:32

And just you can’t do this wrong.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:34

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:03:37

That’s a great place to leave, and close our podcast today. Thank you so much, Kerry. Can’t do this wrong.

Kerry Maiorca 1:03:45

Let’s all go out into our day with that. Thank you so much, Candice, this has been such a pleasure.

Candice Wu 1:03:50

Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:03:55

Thank you so much for tuning in today and joining us. I just got so many little nuggets of information and insight that can just help me feel into a more easeful space, the softening and simplicity, tuning into how first graders can be with their exuberance and joyful delight, playfulness, trust and just doing enough. Thanks so much, Kerry for sharing all these pieces of wisdom and doing this in your daily life, not in a perfect way but as a practice, and showing us that it can be messy, it can be in process, and we can continue to love and know ourselves more deeply each step of the way.

Candice Wu 1:04:49

I encourage you to check out Kerry’s work at KerryMaiorca.com and link to the show notes of this episode at CandiceWu.com/kerry, and Kerry is spelled KERRY. Be sure to check out carries meditation that just takes you exactly where you are, with your messy or imperfect perfect life. Just taking five minutes of your day to be with what is here and to tune into yourself. You don’t have to wait to have a perfect life or the perfect setup to do meditation. This simple guided meditation welcomes you just as you are right now, harnessing your distractions and to do is to create a more spacious and easeful you.

Candice Wu 1:05:33

Kerry’s meditation can be found later this week on the podcast or at CandiceWu.com/kerry, KERRY. If you’d like to check out other healing experientially or guided meditations, and topics and guests on the podcast, you can go to CandiceWu.com/podcast, and when you click on each episode, you’ll find that there are healing experiences that are connected with either the guests episode or the main topic of the week, not every week has experientials, but also you can check out the list of podcasts and you’ll find all the experientials there. If you’d like to stay in touch about future retreats, workshops, or receive self-love notes, and also the podcast information, you can sign up for the Embody Community at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:06:27

I’m so grateful to have you here and listening, and I always love to hear feedback, whether that’s criticism or questions, ways that the podcast touched you or connects with you, and I’ll just leave you with that feeling of simplicity and doing enough that Kerry so inspired today.

Candice Wu 1:06:46

So, as we close today, I invite you to take a few of those deep breaths and feel into any bit of slowness or slower pace at your body can access now.

Candice Wu 1:07:01

Thanks so much and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

Candice Wu 0:00

Do you feel like you have no time for meditation or it’s just too hard to sit down?

Kerry Maiorca’s meditation here just takes about five minutes and you can start anytime, you don’t have to wait.

This simple guided meditation welcomes you just as you are right now, in your imperfect perfect life.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Kerry on the Podcast

Kerry was on the podcast this week, where we talked about the struggle with more and being a more person, feeling enough, and living a simple life, being enough as well as trusting that you know your truth, and giving yourself permission that you can’t do life wrong. You can find her full podcast episode at CandiceWu.com/kerry. That’s KERRY.

And now, it’s a pleasure to introduce Kerry Maiorca of Bloom Yoga Studio in Chicago, offering this beautiful meditation that just embraces this moment as it is. Here’s Kerry.

Begin with Kerry

Kerry Maiorca 1:41

Welcome, and thanks for joining me for this experiential.

I’d like to invite you to begin by asking yourself two simple questions.

First, are you willing to carve out the next five minutes or so, just for you?

And second, do you believe that five minutes is enough to make a difference? I certainly do, but don’t expect you to take my word for it. So, let’s try it.

I invite you to practice with me today, a meditation that I like to call, “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

This meditation doesn’t assume that you’re perfect or serene, in fact, it requires and depends on the fact that there are upsets, disruptions in your mind and life.

So, first, find a comfortable place to either sit, lie down or stand, and then with your eyes open, but just soft, look around you.

Whether you’re in your kitchen, in your office, hopefully not behind the wheel of a car. If you are, wait till later. Just look around and see.

Take in, observe.

Notice the colors, notice the shapes, the objects and just notice any thoughts that are sparked by seeing your everyday surroundings.

Then, if it’s comfortable for you, I invite you to close your eyes.

If not take a very soft and more introspective gaze, and then begin to notice the state of your thoughts, where your mind is at this moment, without trying to do anything at all to change it, and without judging.

Just take a few deeper, slower breaths to tune into your mind state. The pace and rhythm of the thoughts, and the thoughts themselves if you slow in-breath, and out-breath to observe.

Notice and Join

And then, notice if there are any prominent themes that keep coming back in your thoughts or notice if there is an energetic state that you’re observing in yourself, rather than trying to change or deny or pretend it’s different.

I invite you to practice joining, making friends with what currently is. For example, if you’re feeling rushed, you’re multitasking, thinking about all the things on your to-do list, I invite you to practice now. Honoring that and stepping back from it.

You can do this by taking a deep breath in and welcoming in the state you wish to create, and a slow breath out, acknowledging what you wish to let go of. For example, you could inhale spaciousness and ease, and exhale, business.

I invite you to think if there are one or two words that might represent what you wish to welcome in in this moment, and one or two words that you’d wish to let go of, and just practice very simply inhaling to welcome in and exhaling to release.

Remember, it’s totally normal for the thoughts to push their way forward, for your to-dos to keep coming back.

I invite you not to resist that, but to just know that you can do that later.

Now, is the time for you, just a few more breaths playing with this, welcoming in and letting go.

Closing

Now, slowly bring your attention back to your breathing, and it’s normal everyday state, just watching.

Observe the state of your mind and thoughts how you’re feeling, and then if the eyes are closed, I invite you to let them just gently blink back open.

Again, softly taking in the room around you, taking in your internal state and observing how it felt to take just a few minutes to slow down, to get a little quiet and to connect with your breath.

I invite you to use this tool anytime you wish in your normal, everyday imperfect perfect life. Thank you for practicing.

End

Candice Wu 8:29

I’m so glad you joined us today, with this meditation offered by Kerry Maiorca.

If you’d like to tune into more healing experientials or meditations, guided experiences by myself or my guests on the Embody Podcast, you can check it out at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Thanks so much for jumping in, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:01

This episode is about the key to manifesting what you desire, which is finding the map on how to be you and getting to your core essence and believing that you are worthy. Within this episode, you’ll also be guided through a healing experience around worthiness and releasing beliefs of unworthiness, as well as the judgment around it and connecting with you, what you desire, and what makes you feel like you.

Candice Wu 0:27

This episode may not be for all audiences, please use your own discretion. If you’re uncertain whether these topics will trigger you, you can check in with the show notes which will give you a heads up about certain sensitive topics.

Candice Wu 0:42

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:56

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:16

This episode is sponsored by the Dream Classes on Skillshare that I created. I love Dream Work. And what I found was experiencing the dreams in my body, as well as preparing my body to experience dreams supported me in deepening in my dream life. So feel free to hop on to check out these Dream Classes that will support you in the embodiment piece, the support of your physiology so that you feel calmer and have better sleep and are able to remember your dreams better at CandiceWu.com/dreamclasses.

Candice Wu 1:50

Recently, the third class on developing your imaginal space and your ability to connect with imagery and feeling sense in your body just came out. And there are two other classes as well and more to come about exploring your dreams from an embodiment perspective.

Candice Wu 2:10

Skillshare requires a membership except for the free classes and you can receive two months free of membership if you connect to the link through CandiceWu.com/dreamclasses.

Candice Wu 2:28

Welcome back, everybody. It’s wonderful to have you here on the Embody Podcast. I’d invite you to just take a moment with me to breathe, to notice yourself, to come inward, arrive here and allow this little space and time for you to be with whatever comes through for you today in this exploration, in this podcast, and in your heart. Welcome.

Candice Wu 3:02

So I have a bit of a cold, it’s on the tail end. So my voice sounds a little different. But I’m excited to talk to you today about manifesting and the key to manifestation of what you desire. So this came clear to me that I wanted to talk about this because more and more increasingly as I do my healing work is I release untruths from my being, from my energy, allow my body to move through that, my ability to attract and be in sync with what my desires are, and allow my life to unfold from that place is much sharper.

Candice Wu 3:44

So about two weeks ago, I was talking to my healer and I was saying “I don’t know how all these things I want are going to come together. I just don’t know.” And she said, “Well, what do you want? And I wanted to be around my family. I really was loving it at that time. And right now, in Michigan, just enjoying, spending time with them. And it’s such a sweet time, it’s a time where I’m watching different parts of my family, heal the past and come to more love. And it’s a time that I’m just watching. People enjoy things in my family, the struggle is much less. I’m experiencing that as well. And just loving them for who they are.

Candice Wu 4:28

I also wanted to live in a place that I love, wasn’t quite sure if Michigan was that for me. I grew up here and lived here until I was about 25 or six. And, at that time I left feeling like I’ve never really wanted to go back. But now that I’m here, I really enjoy the energy. I love how grounded it feels, I love that I get to ride horses here. And that’s a major part of where my love and my energy wants to go is to connect with horses and to learn how to be a good leader with horses. If you’ve listened in to any of my past podcasts, you already know that. And I truly want to grow with horses, I’m not sure if I’m going to be having my own horse soon or what but just want to be closer to them. And the other thing that I really wanted was love. I wanted romance and sensuality and the ability to create with someone, someone that would be a life partner, someone that is ready and has their heart open and is also conscious of who they are in their energy in themselves.

Candice Wu 5:37

And so, two weeks ago, I didn’t really have that many of those pieces put together. I just knew I want to be around my family. And that’s really all I knew. And what I did was I felt into all the pieces of what I wanted, and got even clearer about what that looks like and how it feels to be with that energy. And felt into that.

Candice Wu 6:05

This is a process that many people do. Visualize something and connect with how they will feel when they have it and imagine that they already have what they desire. Imagine that experience is already here and they already feel that way now, and to feel it in their bodies. And that’s essentially what I was doing, to be very personal, which is also going to be a suggestion of mine later in this podcast is that I actually pleasured myself while I was imagining all the things I wanted. Because it gets me to an even deeper and more intimate and focused connection with the thing that I want, and it matches and aligns with sexuality, which is our creative energy.

Candice Wu 6:51

So yes, I do mean masturbating and picturing the desire that I have happening to me with me and in my life, and letting my creative sexual energy and power, hold the space for that and align with that, that I desire.

Candice Wu 7:11

That’s an idea I actually got from a friend of mine through Family Constellations. And the first time I heard her say that I was like “What? You do that?”

Candice Wu 7:21

And as I got more in touch with my own fantasy life in general, it just seemed to make sense. It just naturally arrive, there where I was picturing all the things that I desire and the deepest desires that I have of loving connection and sensuality and the way of being of connecting with another person in the way that I’d like to.

Candice Wu 7:45

Of course, there were other desires, as I’ve just told you of finding a place that I want to stay for longer, being with my family and being with horses. And I didn’t picture that this time necessarily, because all those things I feel will just fall into place. And I feel very worthy of it. But there was a piece of “Can I have this love that I truly desire, this kind of relationship, this place of connection with another person that is this way?” Because in some ways, that’s new to me, to have all of the pieces there that I want in the relationship and in the other and in myself. Growing into my worthiness of the kind of love that I want and the kind of life that I want.

Candice Wu 8:35

Pleasuring myself at the same time was something that brought it even more to fruit in terms of the feeling and the embodiment. And if we think about the things that we truly desire, the things that we really do desire for our lives, don’t they turn us on in some way? Don’t they light up our being, our heart, our different parts of our body? Maybe there’s a feeling of expansion somewhere in the body, when you think of the thing that you really want. If you’re not thinking of the fear, or the absence of it, or the lack of it, if you’re feeling that that’s actually possible, there might be an opening in your body, there might be electricity or a current of energy moving. Because our creative energy connects with liver, the liver channel, and that feeds itself from the toes and feet up into the inner thighs, and all the way through the groin area, and up the body. So it’s giving inspirations, giving breath and life.

Candice Wu 9:35

So as I was looking at all these things that I wanted in my life, I just thought how impossible for all these things to come together, I just don’t even see a way. And at the same time, underneath that all I knew that there was a deeper trust. I knew that I could trust my life and that these things would unfold when they would. And yet some part of me just really wanted it now and wanted to know now.

Candice Wu 10:03

So here we are two weeks later, and I spent a bit of time in San Diego doing Somatic Experiencing Advanced training. And at the same time, I was visiting an old friend, this friend is somebody who lived directly behind my house growing up. We literally have lived there since we were eight-years-old, both of us eight-years-old, moved into those houses. And we move through all those years and into high school together. And we drive each other to school. We really had no idea about each other’s lives just a little bit like we witnessed each other from afar, and we were friendly to each other. And now we have found each other again, and the love between us is incredible.

Candice Wu 10:52

This relationship is one that I couldn’t even dream of myself if I were to create all the details. It’s just more than I could even fathom and imagine. And there’s so much surrender to what’s unfolding, there’s so much possibility, there’s so much coming back to myself, and him coming back to himself. And us doing that together and creating from this place of very deep desire to know ourselves and to know each other.

Candice Wu 11:24

I’m in awe already of what we’re creating together and the enjoyment and the love that’s just exuding from us. And we’ve explored, him coming back to Michigan, and creating some workshops and seeing what will create together.

Candice Wu 11:40

So two weeks ago, I just had no idea that any of this would even happen. And I actually didn’t realize my love for Michigan, and the feel for Michigan right now was growing in this way. And who knew that someone I even knew, and someone that is not here now would want to be here. And my experience with horses is growing. And I’m able to go to the stables this week a lot and ride with a friend, while my teacher is gone and just have a little more freedom. Everything is falling into place. And I can hardly believe it in some ways. So wanted to offer you this story. This experience as an introduction to this podcast today.

Candice Wu 12:27

There’s a second segment to this manifestation story, which relates to this entire episode. And if you are on my newsletter list, then you received an email this last week about this moment of choice that I felt in me to surrender deeper into my path, surrender deeper into my spiritual being, and continue to choose more wholeheartedly the path of joy of this moment that leads to the next and to truly trust in that and to be on this path that looks pretty irregular.

Candice Wu 13:06

So within this conversation, there is a baseline in my thought process about surrender to what is and surrender to who you are, as an essential part of creating the life you want, manifesting what you desire, being who you are in flow.

Candice Wu 13:27

This kind of surrender also means to embrace all the pleasant and unpleasant and what comes and to take each moment as a learning, a lesson of love, a lesson of growth in this life. The closer I got to what I specifically desire at the core not what I desire from all of my wounds or from my fears.

Candice Wu 13:55

For example, because I used to have a fear of not having enough, I wanted to have a lot. I wanted to have a lot of money and things. And that’s not what I’m talking about, not talking about your desires that come from fear. And what I am talking about is looking deeper into your desires and what they are and what’s underneath them. Is there truly freedom underneath that or not? Is it bound to an outcome?

Candice Wu 14:27

I’ll talk more about that later. But what I want to say now is that we’re always manifesting. When we hear about manifest this, manifest that, we’re always manifesting, we’re always experiencing a physical outpouring and expression of our inner belief sets of the accumulation of inner belief sets, vibrations, energies, meanings, desires, all coming from all sorts of places.

Candice Wu 15:00

Some of those are very true to our core and connected with our spirit. A very free place of oneness and love, one that is abundant. Some of our desires connect with our Soul Karma, where we’ve had dynamics of this life, past lives, the lineage of our family, our personal history, and the things that we experience, the beliefs that we came in with, and we want to go the other way and find the other polarity or experience the other side of something.

Candice Wu 15:35

And there’s the very egoic place of just seeing our earthly life and going with society’s consciousness. And what we’ve, in general, as a larger society agreed upon is success, or what we should be doing in life, and the fears and the things we shouldn’t do. There are many different layers of where we’re acting from, and where our mind can tell us to feed into the places that we fear, or feed into the things that we have been taught, that are right for us, and right for the world.

Candice Wu 16:14

None of that is bad. And none of it is to blame yourself. There are just some aspects of what we are creating in our lives, what is showing up through us and around us. Some of those aspects are just so deeply unconscious. And all of these experiences that too manifest are opportunities for us to see ourselves, to see what is in this for myself, what is this showing me about the deeper beliefs that I’m having right now, who I believe I am.

Candice Wu 16:53

No belief or meaning that we take on should be judged as bad or good or bad, really, because with good comes bad. It’s just all part of this unfolding of layers of who we are. So that we can truly find ourselves so we can find who we are at the deepest, the spirit and the love and the abundance that we truly are the worthiness.

Candice Wu 17:20

So we hear it sometimes that you can be anything. You can have anything and be anything, do anything. When I feel into that sense, it feels like way too much like, just everything is too much pressure to figure out of all the possibilities.

Candice Wu 17:42

And in some people experience that that leads to fear of missing out, like I can do everything, I can be everything. But if I choose this, then I’ll miss out on that. So there’s a lot of anxiety around that fear, around that. And it’s hard for some people to choose one thing or three things or focus their priority, focus their energy on what they truly desire. Because there’s just so much, I don’t know that idea is that helpful most of the time.

Candice Wu 18:14

It’s helpful to realize that there are possibilities when you’re afraid to be yourself. So if you feel like, oh, there’s this thing that I want to do, want to be, want to move towards. But I don’t know if it’s possible, and to have the thought it is possible, because you can be anything. You can do anything that can help lift some of that fear, like “Oh, okay, if everything is possible, then I can do that. The thing that I do want.”

Candice Wu 18:45

But when we don’t have a clue of what it is we’re meant to be doing here, what it is that gives us life or what we truly deeply desire, then thinking that you can be everything can bring up that anxiety. Not for everybody, of course, that might be incredibly helpful. And I’d love to hear different experiences that people have about that. The bottom line is everything is possible, we can be anything.

Candice Wu 19:16

Because the way this universe is created, is from all possibility and all probability. The word “all” encompasses the energy of all that is possible, and that everything is possible. So that is true. There’s a reality to that.

Candice Wu 19:33

However, we come into this life, as an individual soul with individual desires. And we have the ability to connect with all possibility, the ability to connect with oneness and love and unity, and to be at union with the entirety. And it is a gift to see what our individual soul brings to this life. What desires and what gifts, and what offerings just by being. And for that to connect up with and in harmony with all others. That is an extremely powerful place to flow from to be as the universe. As this individual being in connection with the universe. That may all sound very heady. So I want to just take a moment to breathe and let that soak in.

Candice Wu 20:32

So in this life, perhaps we can’t be everything. Not out of principle, but out of practicality, out of the fact that we’re born in this human body. And this individual soul, that we have a set of gifts, and unique aspects. We can develop all other aspects if we want to, but it might take a long time, or we might not have the energy and why. But we’re here with a specific set of gifts. And perhaps we can’t quite choose who we are. But we are who we are. That at our deepest, there’s already an expression of life that wants to become fuller. That expression of life that is you, that wants to live in its fullness and express that is fullness at its greatest potential. And that aligning to your specific essence can bring the most enjoyment in this life, can bring the most beautiful gifts to the world to yourself and to others. Perhaps we can’t be everything, but we can only be who we are.

Candice Wu 22:02

So who are we? Who are you? Manifesting is about getting to that core and being in such loving connection with the core of yourself and releasing or completing what is not you. The belief sets that are untrue and distorted from truth. The energies in your being that want completion, that want to find resolve, that are stuck in your body, completing and releasing all that so that even more of your energy and your attention is directed right in connection with who you truly are.

Candice Wu 22:52

Who you are is love. Who you are is powerful and worthy. Who you are is a multiplicity of energies that you don’t need to identify with one of them or a set of them, but many and that there’s flexibility and fluidity. When we complete the wounds that we are trapped in or bound within that we’re repeating the patterns that lead us to a same or similar result, all of that is our energy on repeat. And it’s taking up a lot of energy to resist the outcome that we don’t like. It’s taking a lot of energy to continue to hold those energies in our body, the fear, the movement that wants to complete itself, but gets looped back in.

Candice Wu 23:55

And when that’s all complete, we have freedom, we have expansion, we have a presence of our being that can be right here and right now. That response to the moment is adaptive and flexible to what is going on right now rather than getting triggered into a response that was helpful in the past or incomplete from the past.

Candice Wu 24:21

This language I’m using about something complete or incomplete, comes from both Family Constellations and Somatic Experiencing. For me, in my experience of both of those said a lot of what we’re repeating in our lives, wants to find completion, we don’t need to just let it go. Although if you can do that, great. But a lot of times when it’s something traumatic to the body or overwhelming to the body in the past, then our body isn’t really ready to just let it go just like that by our mind and energy, letting it go. But the body needs to complete something. The movement wants to be had. And we are here to work with our bodies. So the expansion of ourselves into freedom into not living out of those wounds, those wounds being completed and resolved. This expansion creates a potent energy and power to create to get in touch with what you desire, because it’s clear, it’s less clouded by all the other things, you’re already much more in the flow of who you are, organically your body just unfolding.

Candice Wu 25:35

And the power and potency to draw what you want towards you, just by wanting it and the letting of it unfold, and the trusting that it will come.

Candice Wu 25:49

This may be a good pausing point to ask yourself, “How in touch with my essence, my core self and truth Am I?”

Candice Wu 26:04

“How much am I naturally and organically moving in life versus forcing or pushing?”

Candice Wu 26:12

“And what wounds or untruths, belief sets out of fear, am I living from?”

Candice Wu 26:36

As you ask yourself these questions, feel free to pause and take more time with each of them. And also be super gentle because this is all about loving. This is all about loving what comes up and noticing the feelings, noticing what happens in your body, noticing what wants to be honored and seen for what it is so that you can get to know yourself even deeper in terms of who you truly are. And so that you can experience this human form in its fullest with all of its emotions, and all of the ways of being of this body that wants you to partner with it.

Candice Wu 27:24

It wants you to have a pleasant experience here. It wants you to be in your inner truth, outwardly, and to live as you came to be as it is your birthright to be.

Candice Wu 27:47

So we’re working with our vibration, the collection of energies, feelings, body sensations, belief sets, that are stored in our energy, that are stored in our bodies, in our hearts.

Candice Wu 28:07

And the more that our vibration, the more that our being, connects with the deeper truth of who we are not the fears, not the meanings that we’ve picked up along the way that don’t hold a real reality. And what I mean is the body feeling that those are true or not true, not just our mind, but the more our body resonates and emanates from the place of truth, the easier and clearer it is to know who you are. And manifesting is not an action, it just is.

Candice Wu 28:47

It just flows from there. So I invite us all to take on the journey and the process of unfolding, healing, seeing, loving, sorting truth from untruth, completing and resolving all of that instead of pushing to manifest. But doing all of that in order to arrive at who we are, and enjoying the process along the way.

Candice Wu 29:25

Sometimes when people are thinking that they’re manifesting from a place of love and freedom, and this is something that I’ve done as well is that I can depend on the outcome. And I may not realize I depend on the outcome until the outcome is something I didn’t like. And then it’s a chance to look at and feel what fear is emerging right there. What aspect of the fear that you already know probably is showing up here? So then there’s more loving, more being human and experiencing it. This opportunity to love this moment and have more expansion out of it by surrendering to it. Fulfilling it, leaning in, and taking yourself on a healing process with it. Allowing the healing to come forward.

Candice Wu 30:19

The experience of not getting what you desire is the lesson. It’s the opportunity that if taken can lead to home, to yourself.

Candice Wu 30:33

In Yoga, all of this work is called Karma Yoga and also Guyana Yoga. Karma Yoga being the study of action and the intention, the seeds of intention that are underneath action. And often when we have Sanskara, which are impressions, are beliefs, untruths, distorted truth, when we have a Sanskara, that guides us to take action from it, which is what I was talking about earlier, acting out of your wounds or fears. And then another result comes from that. And if we keep tail spinning on that and go down that pathway farther in more and more iterations, then we’re just acting out of the result of another one and another one and another one. And we have very much lost ourselves.

Candice Wu 31:32

But if we can see the Sanskara, we can see the distortion, whether that’s mentally to start with, and then letting it drop into how it feels in us? How we act? How our body is? How we move from there and feeling through that.

Candice Wu 31:54

Completing that if it’s something the body wants to complete or resolve, then we don’t have to do more iterations of that. We transcend it, we heal it, so it no longer is part of us. We are no longer identified with it. And we can move back into the wholeness and love that we actually are.

Candice Wu 32:21

So the second piece of connecting with the flow of who you are and manifesting what you desire is the belief that we are all worthy of abundance and that what we desire is possible. Which if we believe that we are unworthy, or things are not possible, those are also Sanskara, those are belief sets that are not truths. Even if your reality what you believe is your reality, or perceive as your reality can confirm it. Because we like to do that. We are actually worthy.

Candice Wu 33:01

But not every desire is worthy. So coming back to the seeds of your intention, the baseline the roots of your intention, and where that desire comes from. That’s what makes something worthy. If our desires come from this egoic place of the mind and the fear and the basic self that just fears death and fears not having enough. If it’s coming from there, then we will certainly manifest that.

Candice Wu 33:35

We will certainly attract those experiences that show us what our belief sets are. What is happening in our vibration, even if we don’t know it in our mind. What’s happening unconsciously. But if our desire comes in complete connection with the core of our being with truth and love, expansiveness, and interconnectedness, the oneness that we came from, and are through this individual self, then our desire is completely in connection in harmony with the entire universe, then it’s completely worthy.

Candice Wu 34:19

Our true nature on this planet is wholeness. Wholeness within ourselves, wholeness with each other, with earth, with everything that’s here. And that means it is our power to embrace both pleasant and unpleasant, both life and death, to be with all of those energies, on the dark and the light sides as tools, as parts of who we are in our experience. And when we resist certain aspects, when we resist sadness or anger, when we resist working with it within ourselves, then we become enslaved, or we start to enslave it.

Candice Wu 35:01

In the series Magicians, I’ve been watching on Netflix, season 7, I believe, this man says “That would you fear or you hate is what you enslave.”

Candice Wu 35:17

When we enslave, or when we resist, we inevitably create that thing that we don’t want. And we use a lot of energy doing so. So how about leaning in and not resisting? How about feeling what that is and coming to our wholeness? So that can complete itself and resolve. And you can go deeper with who you are, who you actually are, because this isn’t it. This, meaning, the fear that exists isn’t you.

Candice Wu 35:54

I want to transition now, and just offer an experience, a brief experience of connecting with who you truly are, what you desire, and releasing some of the judgment around any belief sets that come with it, acknowledging these and just bringing some light into what’s there for you.

Candice Wu 36:22

So feel free to get comfy and in a private space with yourself. And take a moment to notice your breathing. Allow yourself to release the day and release any thoughts, just noticing if there are thoughts and letting them pass by. Sense to your body and just feel into your being, the deepest, deepest, deepest part of your being as you go into the heart.

Candice Wu 37:09

So we’ll begin with connecting to you. Just connecting to a time or place where you felt like yourself. Where you felt affirmed in who you are or validated. Or this feeling and experience that this is who I am. I feel just like me. This can be at any time in your life.

Candice Wu 37:44

If you need more time to arrive there, feel free to pause the podcast. And if you have something, go ahead and tune into that experience. Set yourself right in that moment where you felt like yourself. See what’s around you. And if there are other people with you or objects around you, whatever’s there, picture it and experience what was happening or what you were doing as if it’s happening right now.

Candice Wu 38:32

Feeling your body, what’s going on now? Is there any space in your body and breath or any sensation happening? Any emotions? Be curious and open about any emotions because sometimes this can release sadness or feelings of unworthiness or other fears. And sometimes it can bring openness and a sense of beauty or peacefulness, whatever is here, honor that.

Candice Wu 39:19

Stay with this feeling of when you felt like yourself. In this moment now feeling it in your body. And as you feel that, connect with what you desire right now in your life. And if what you desire comes in a form or a structure like “I desire to have X, Y, and Z or experience X, Y, and Z.”

Candice Wu 40:09

Get deeper, what you desire to feel, when you have all that or when you are experiencing that.

Candice Wu 40:22

What will you feel? And all that is here. Get to your core desire and feel into what it is that you will feel when all this is here in your body right now. And connecting with movement, sensation, emotion, images, and breath. If any moment your fears or doubts take you or distract you, just notice those and come back to feeling this experience as if it’s already happening right now.

Candice Wu 41:37

And now I invite you to look at any feelings or beliefs of unworthiness, of doubt, of fear around what you desire to feel. For now, just noticing those fears and doubts, beliefs. Any beliefs that you’re not allowed to have this or feel this way for any reasons at all.

Candice Wu 42:18

I want you to look at all of those beliefs, and say out loud, “All of these beliefs are untrue!”

Candice Wu 42:33

Notice how you feel as you say those words, “All of these beliefs are untrue!”

Candice Wu 42:47

And I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing. I’m unworthy of receiving and experiencing what I desire. That sentence again is “I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing, I’m unworthy of receiving and experiencing what I desire.”

Candice Wu 43:30

And one more, “I forgive myself for judging myself, for believing. I’m unworthy of having what is desire.”

Candice Wu 43:43

And you can switch the words around and say, “For believing that I’m not allowed to have what I desire.” Or any words that come to you in terms of how it resonates for you. And I want you to look back at the fears, the doubts, and beliefs. And as you feel into those fears, picture that part of you. Maybe that part of you looks just like you now where looks like a younger version of you, or a blob of energy, an object, whatever this part looks like. And as you connect with it, ask it, “What do you need?”

Candice Wu 44:52

And listen for anything it says without any judgment or filtering what you need. And whatever it says or shows you, imagine that for your fear now, perhaps it needs a hug. Perhaps it needs assurance, or maybe to release some anger, sadness. Maybe it needs to run, run away from something or be protected.

Candice Wu 45:36

Give this part of you your fear, whatever it needs in your mind’s eye now. Let yourself feel what’s happening inside. At any time, if you feel overwhelmed, go back to the moment you felt like yourself that we started with in the beginning. And it doesn’t hurt to even just tap into that and then come back to feeling into the fear and what’s here for you or what it needs.

Candice Wu 46:35

And if you need more time with it, feel free to pause the podcast and take your own time as long as you need. And just right now, if your eyes are closed, open them gently and just look around. Look around your space. Give your body a little bit of self-touch, to let it know that it’s here. This container that supports you in life.

Candice Wu 47:05

As you look around, tuned into what feels pleasant to look at. And feel free to just say these words out loud now. “I release any feelings and beliefs of unworthiness. I release any feelings and beliefs that I’m not enough. And I forgive myself for judging myself for any times and places that I did not trust my life.”

Candice Wu 48:13

Just notice how you feel as you say those words, feel free to repeat them. Rewind and repeat. If there are more emotions coming through, just stay with them. Let them move through. And again, just coming back out and seeing your environment, letting yourself arrive back here. Feel free to put your hand on your heart and just give some thanks to yourself, gratitude for taking the time and energy and space to heal, to look at yourself and to know yourself.

Candice Wu 49:12

Thank you so much for following through that journey with me. And I’m just delighted to be able to share that with you. These are pieces of all sorts of healing that I’ve journeyed through myself and keep using these tools, as well as pieces that I’ve gotten from different healers that I combine for what works for me.

Candice Wu 49:37

I mentioned very early on in the podcast, when sharing my own personal experience that you can pleasure yourself or masturbate to give your intention a congruent power, your ultimate creative energy. And that the things that you truly desire can open up to let that turn you on.

Candice Wu 50:02

I’m not going to walk you through that. But if that is something that resonates with you, or you feel intrigued about it, feel free to try that and see what that brings you. A lot of times when I do that, I enjoy it while it is happening. And then if I have an orgasm or have some sort of release, then also a lot of emotions release, sadness and other feelings that want to move out. And that’s a really powerful part of it.

Candice Wu 50:38

If you do want a bit of a guided process around that, I interviewed Harmony Niles earlier on this year, and she did some work and a little podcast on Core Erotic Themes. So tuning into your sexual fantasies, and what you desire sexually. And what I found is that when you get to the sexual fantasies that are yours, if you do feel connected sexually, if you get to the ones that are unfiltered and untamed for yourself, you can often get to a feeling that you want to experience in your life a very deep and core feeling that you desire. So you can find that at CandiceWu.com/harmony.

Candice Wu 51:27

And there’s also a couple of other podcasts that I recommend if this episode resonated with you. There’s the Worthiness episode that you could not be more worthy at CandiceWu.com/worthiness.

Candice Wu 51:42

And the parts work, embracing the many parts of yourself with voice dialogue, and Internal Family Systems work. That is at CandiceWu.com/parts.

Candice Wu 51:55

I really enjoyed having you here on this podcast with me and journeying with me in your healing. It is wonderful to have you here and to hear any of your feedback. Feel free to email me if you have an experience you want to share, questions, any desire for future podcasts, topics, anything like that I love hearing from all of you listeners.

Candice Wu 52:19

And before you go, I’d like to invite you to listen to the podcast that came before this one. It’s been over a year of podcasts. And the way that I designed this podcast series is every other week, there’s a guest, a guest healer or wellness practitioner, where we have vulnerable conversations about their lives, and about who they are and what they offer in the world.

Candice Wu 52:46

And the other weeks, they do solo episodes, where I bring a topic. And then usually I have some experiences on there. And either those experientials are within the podcast like today’s or they’re in additional ones, separate ones where you can tune into just that podcast over and over if you need to, or want to. Or you can share that with someone who might need that experience or meditation to support them in their lives.

Candice Wu 53:15

So it’s really quite a menu. It’s not necessarily that you listen to every podcast in order. And a lot of my listeners that I hear from are telling me, a lot of you are telling me that you’re just picking and choosing the ones that feel right for you and that resonate or strike something in you. I love that. And that’s absolutely what it’s made for. So enjoy. And check out all the other podcasts that CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 53:43

And I invite you to sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter if you want to stay in touch and get updates about workshops, retreats, self-love notes and the podcast itself at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 53:59

I am wishing all of you love and that you are loving yourself no matter what’s going on. And if you’re not to see that and come to more witness of yourself and loving of yourself, embracing of this human experience that you’re going through. And as always, I’m here to support you if you would like to have any support. If you’re a new client or someone new to the process of support with me, you can have a free 20-minute consultation, can find that at my website as well.

Candice Wu 54:36

Thank you so much for joining today and I’ll leave you with some music so that you can wind down and enjoy and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.