Candice Wu 0:00

This week is part three of the whole conversation around taking, receiving and giving, and the balance of each of these. In this conversation, I explore who is the part of you that’s giving, and the balance of when you give and what that does in a relationship as to its relation to when you receive our take, how to balance relationships in terms of taking, giving and receiving, and what happens in the dynamic. I also talk about self-love and giving to the self as well as how that relates to our dynamics in relationships on the human level.

Candice Wu 0:42

This episode is part three of taking, receiving and giving and the balance of each of these as well as cleansing our dynamics and believes that are in relation to these three ways of being in life. I share some of my own thoughts on the balance of taking, receiving and giving as well as the thoughts of Bert Hellinger from Love’s Hidden Symmetry. Bert Hellinger is the founder of family constellations and explores these hidden dynamics.

Candice Wu 1:18

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 1:31

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:53

It’s so important to let die what needs to die. If you think about rotting fruit and you just let it sit there and you don’t throw it out or buried in the earth, it just sits there and keeps on rotting and decaying, and often what is within us that wants to be released and felt, and honored to release or end can fester. What wants to complete itself can be overdue. Have you ever had a relationship where it just needed to end or change in some way or something needs to be acknowledged or felt, and because that delayed or it was maybe hard to do so it got worse?

Candice Wu 2:43

Well, this is my experience at times and when I first experienced the death meditation by Ana T. Forrest, through her work of Forrest Yoga, and healing, it was really profound. It was a simulation of death, which brought me to face the experience of if I were to die in 12 hours, what would I want to say do or feel and experience? What would it mean to live? And so, with that experience, I have found inspiration and adapted the Ally with Death Experiential, which is a way to experience that simulation of death through an audio experience, and through prompts that ask of you to look at what needs to end in your life, what belief sets are you carrying that really weigh you down or create suffering, what in your outer world needs to happen, what needs to be said, what needs to be acknowledged, so that you can fully live life and come back to your playful, intuitive, creative, sensing, curious self. And if that’s not something you know, that part of you is, curious and playful parts of you, maybe that doing this can allow that to come and shine through.

Candice Wu 4:12

So, my adaptation of this experience includes the body it includes what happens inside as you’re feeling this, what are you noticing in your body, emotions, images. This is my own creation of what has helped me in partnering with the energy of death to let things truly release and die, and to imagine a death, and to let that happen so that I can find renewal and revitalization.

Candice Wu 4:47

If you’re interested in this experience, it’s fantastic for the winter or for your moon cycle or a phase of the moon cycle, in general, or anytime you’re feeling way down. stuck, anxious, depressed. If there are things you know you need to face or something that seems like it wants to be acknowledged within you, this is a great opportunity to experience it. It’s a 75-minute audio experience, and it’s full of stirring and provocative music that’s handpan music by a friend of mine, Larry St. Germain. He’s an artist and a musician, and he was so excited to take on this project and just poured his heart and soul into the fine-tuning, the mood and the energy that hold space for us to truly look in places, in the dark places, and face what it is that we need to really honor.

Candice Wu 5:52

So, that’s music by Larry Saint Germain, and it’s produced and edited by Chris Spiegl, who’s the editor of the Embody Podcast, and he did a fantastic job of amalgamating his chunks of sound to fit right in with my voice and fill in and hold the space for. You can find this experience at CandiceWu.com/death.

Candice Wu 6:17

Hi, everyone. Thanks so much for joining me today. This is going to be an interesting conversation. I’m literally in a robe because it’s cold here in Michigan. I have a cup of tea. I hope you’ll join me with something comforting to yourself in this topic of giving. It’s really beautiful to be able to give to yourself and receive what you’re giving to yourself. That to me means taking time for self-care and doing that in a way that’s woven through your day. So, that is part of you. Not just something you set aside to do, which is a beautiful thing, too, but having this cup of tea here, and receiving the benefit, really feeling into how that feels to give to yourself, the pleasure it is or where it feels comforting or soothing. So, I invite you to do that today. Whatever it is that would make you feel soothed in this moment, whether that’s a little bit of contact to your body or getting a blanket or if you’re in transit, to do something that supports your body in feeling more comfortable and cared for.

Candice Wu 7:43

I just spent about five days in New York on a visit, and so glad to be home in this cozy place in Michigan. There’s snow on the ground. It’s the week of Thanksgiving here in the United States and I just love this cozy feeling before the holidays, but I also want to acknowledge that I didn’t always feel that way, and I know for many people, holidays are a hard time, and that can relate to all sorts of family dynamics, belonging or expectations, but also, hurts and wounds of the past. So, here, as you’re coming towards any holidays of your culture or your ethnicity, maybe it’s a chance to look at what hurt or wounds have been here, what’s the feeling you have now and just take a moment to honor those rather than being harsh on yourself or critical or trying to push these parts of you away. And also, it might be a time to push these parts of you to the side in a sense of, if you need to have some boundaries around what you’re feeling to move towards what’s pleasurable as we started in the beginning of this podcast.

Candice Wu 9:06

So, I would like to just jump into this podcast today. The last couple of weeks, I’ve been talking about taking, taking what’s given to us, taking what we need, taking up space, and all of the dynamics underneath it that may prevent us from really being able to take what’s ours. We’ve also been talking about taking versus receiving and the active feeling around taking, the active assertion that’s needed to take, to take our place in our lives and in our ancestry. And also, the topic of receiving and how it is to receive, to receive love to receive all the things that are coming our way, and how we can step into by taking our place, step into all of what it is that is here for us, that is specific perfectly designed for us to receive in this life and to take in this life.

Candice Wu 10:06

I’ve talked about taking our place as a way of taking your true position in your family lineage, and also, in yourself, in who you are, the essence of you. What I didn’t talk about is taking our parents as they are, and how much that is a part of and the essential groundwork to being at peace in ourselves and loving ourselves, and feeling whole. Before I jump into that, if you want to hear the previous conversations, you can find that at CandiceWu.com/taking and CandiceWu.com/receiving. That’s part one into and they’re also linked to the show notes of this episode. If you’d like to catch up with that, you can start and that’s totally fine, too, I think. This conversation it all loops together.

Candice Wu 11:06

So, taking our parents as they are. I often hear people saying I don’t want to be like my parents or having criticisms of their parents, rejecting them in some way, and what that does, I know from my own experience, in myself and with my clients is that there’s a way in which that rejection holds the place marker for what we feel and what our young self feels or has felt or needs to feel, and that can be this beacon to where it is that our soul wants us to heal. And at the same time, if we leave it there, as we leave it there, there’s a way that we reject who we are in ourselves. There is a way I reject myself if I reject my mother or some piece of my mother.

Candice Wu 12:06

If we go towards the spiritual truth of the wholeness of who we are, we are all possibility. We are capable of every way of being, and if I reject this certain part of my mother, maybe the way that she is stubborn or something like that, then I also reject that part of me that has stubbornness or is possibly stubborn. And when I do that, there is a constriction inside of me. There’s some part of me that blocks itself off to the wholeness of all energy, which also relates to pleasant feelings and pleasant qualities or more desirable, societally desirable qualities. Our soul wants us to be multidimensional and multifaceted, and in every single way of being, so that if we ever need that way, we’re able to do it, and we have the flexibility, but also, that that’s just the essence of our fullness, period.

Candice Wu 13:23

That is my belief at least, and what I have felt is that when I’ve embraced that stubbornness in me, then I’m able to see myself with more humanity, compassion, and yet, I know why it is that I may have rejected this quality in my mother because perhaps it brought me hurt or in relation to her as a child. And so, these are these place markers, these rejections of our parents, place markers for what we ourselves are wanting to heal and look at, that’s why people around us are our teachers, especially when it brings us an unpleasant experience, just that they’re holding something for us to learn.

Candice Wu 14:15

So, taking our parents as they are, is challenging because it often requires us to feel the feelings that we have in relation to the way that they are, and we often needed our parents to hold that space or wished that they could to hold that space so that it felt safe enough to feel those feelings and that isn’t always there. So, it creates a bit of a bind, in a way, but as adults, we can find resource and other ways to support us in coming to that true acceptance, not just acceptance, but agreement of who our parents are, and when I feel in that place of full agreement of who my parents are with all of what and who they are, and what came before them, it’s a bigger picture than just them. I feel much more in agreement with myself.

Candice Wu 15:15

So, instead of saying, “Oh, my father’s a jerk,” and leaving it there, where my judgment, our perception is distorted because of my emotions, which is natural in a way or we tend towards that, where’s there a bit of neutrality, that may be the truth is he was absent, but that there is a greater reality. We’re truth to that. Where’s the compassion to see where that originated, that it didn’t start with him as Mark Wolynn, a family constellations writer and facilitator says it didn’t start with you in his book. Whether there’s a greater experience of the family system that makes its way down to me, where my experience of hurt has a place. And can we allow ourselves the grace of feeling what we feel and what we need to acknowledge that human experience not to ignore that to honor it, but also see farther back, and to honor a bigger picture? Jim Kolakowski, my first yoga teacher and spiritual teacher I really admire, he was on the podcast as well. He says if we could see the bigger picture, like the biggest picture, we wouldn’t be upset anymore. This we would understand so much more.

Candice Wu 16:44

So, that’s a preface to this conversation of giving is that piece of taking our parents as they are, that I didn’t talk about in that first conversation of taking and it’s so easy essential, and I’ll mention Bert Hellinger later in this episode, which is part of why I recall that piece that I wanted to share that’s so essential to the family constellations work, and the gift that constellations can bring is this very powerful honoring of who the people are behind us that give us the freedom and ability to honor ourselves, and that’s the preface to this conversation of giving.

Candice Wu 17:39

Giving, I have said in the first podcast of taking that it can be often overrated, like we just seem to hear messages or at least I do, that we should give and give, and give and give, and yet, somehow that doesn’t quite feel right. I often find that giving can come out of an incongruence with love, that it’s coming from another place. Have you ever received something from someone with a slight feeling of something more coming with it? Maybe there’s guilt coming with it or obligation or some feeling of debt or there’s, I don’t know, pity coming with it, sympathy, and maybe that’s okay, but this conversation here is to take a look at what it does come with for you in terms of you giving and how you receive or take in those relationships.

Candice Wu 18:44

I’ve certainly used giving as a way of trying to receive validation and love, belonging, and that comes from my early imprints of life that if I gave of myself, not just in gestures or gifts, but if I gave up myself, if I gave up who I was and became someone for someone else, then I would feel worthy. It went to the core it was like my existence was to give, my existence was for others, and that became extremely painful, over time, as I became aware of it. It did help me survive, and so, I appreciate that I survived and I’m able to look at all the pain that came out of that in a very loving way at this point in life, and over time.

Candice Wu 19:46

How does that sit with you to does anything come up for you now, as this conversation opens your relationship with giving, your relationship with what it means to give and what happens when you give? What you might expect or desire? And this is all happening, perhaps, on a subtle level. So, even if you’re like, “No, no, no, I’m pretty clear about that,” you might consider looking a little deep, more deeply and more nuanced, and just see what turns out for you.

Candice Wu 20:29

When I think about giving some words come up with giving time, giving attention, giving energy, gifts, foods, cards, offering attention, hugs, kisses, love, compliments, giving thanks, giving up, giving myself, what that means. When we give what feels like too much only we can know what that is. There’s a polarity. There’s a polarity on the other side of giving too much is asking for too much. What you want from other people, what is underneath that giving might be something that you are wishing for and drawing for energetically.

Candice Wu 21:31

Now, I want to read an excerpt from Love’s Hidden Symmetry. What makes love work in relationships, and this is a book by Bert Hellinger, Gunthard Weber, and Hunter Beaumont. Three very prominent family constellations, people and Bert Hellinger being a founder of this modality and work, culminating the work, and I’m on page 12, 13 and 14 if you have the book or if you’re hoping to get it, but here is this conversation about the conscience and balance in giving and taking.

Candice Wu 22:11

And they say, “Our relationships and our experiences of guilt and innocence begin with giving and taking. We feel entitled when we give, we feel obligated when we take. The oscillation between entitlement and obligation is the second fundamental dynamic of guilt and innocence in every relationship. It serves all our relationships since both giver and taker know peace only when both have given and taken equally. When we receive something from someone, we lose our innocence and our independence. When we take, we feel indebted and beholden to the giver. We feel this obligation is discomfort and pressure, and we try to overcome it by giving something back. We can’t truly take anything without feeling the need to give, and taking is a form of guilt. Innosense in the service of this exchange becomes manifest as the comfortable feeling of entitlement that comes when we take fully and when we give a little more in return, then we have taken, we feel innocently carefree and light-hearted when we’ve taken fully, and our needs have been satisfied and when we’ve also given fully in return.”

Candice Wu 23:31

So, in this conversation, what we’re talking about is that when we accept, we take from someone we receive, that it’s typical to feel that sense of guilt and obligation, and that the balance of some energy exchanges is off-balance, but it can be balanced when we give back. I find that to be true and the very basis of relationships of human, of the humankind, which we are here for or we are here in, and where he says, this statement, “it’s better for you to feel obligated to me than for me to feel obligated to you,” is something that really rang true for me when I started to look at my relationships with others and how I was using giving in order to gain something.

Candice Wu 24:29

So, this is beyond just a balance and exchange of energy that’s natural and clean of other things. What I find is that giving is often connected with these other things, of wanting validation and wanting more in return than just a thank you, and wanting someplace of our belonging to be secured by what we’re giving and what we get out of that. With that idea that “it’s better for you to feel obligated to me than for me to feel obligated to you,” they talk about the helper syndrome and say that such self-centered striving for freedom from need is fundamentally hostile to relationships. Whoever wants only to give without taking clings to an illusion of superiority, rejects the bounty of life and denies equality to his or her partner. Others soon want nothing from those who refuse to take and become resentful and withdraw from them.

Candice Wu 25:41

So, when giving becomes so weighted, and someone does not take it all, and I see this when I hear compliments being given back and forth like someone says, “Oh, you did such a good job,” and this was like a team collaborative effort and you did such a good job and the other person says, “No, you did” or they like, they contribute all the credit to the other person back to the other person. It just feels like they’re tossing this ball and back and forth, and it’s getting bigger and bigger, but nobody will really hold it, and to really hold it, perhaps, needs that acceptance of some level of guilt or some discomfort.

Candice Wu 26:23

When I look at all this, my reaction is that yes, I have found this to be true, but also that it’s mixed up with those early dynamics of what we needed from our parents, and we carry around any leftover needs to other relationships. And so, when that ball gets bounced back and forth with more, more need for validation, and instead of just accepting it, we give it to the other person and we hope that they’ll take it, but we hope that they’ll take it and give us something back, and yet, we still can’t take that. I’m describing something very particular which may or may not be part of your experience, but I wonder if you see this in your life or in other people, in yourself. We are the places that it’s very hard to receive and take. Even just a compliment, just to accept it fully. Do you bounce it back to somebody else? Is there a feeling of obligation or guilt? Are you able to feel that and hold that or do you stay in the innocent place where in a way you require others to feel that guilt or obligation instead of you?

Candice Wu 27:53

And maybe guilt and obligation or not the right words for what’s being bounced back and forth, I can imagine others’ feelings there, but there’s this quality of a very basic human need that’s being tossed back and forth that is also being denied back and forth. So, going back to Love’s Hidden Symmetry and what these authors suggest is that a full exchange, fully receiving and fully taking is what creates a very equal balance in relationships.

Candice Wu 28:31

Can you fully receive and fully take? There’s a way that neutralizes and doesn’t let it bounce back and forth, but there’s a place for it to absorb in and to build more. They also talk about when reciprocity is impossible, for example, when the power dynamic is in a way that you’re not meant to or that it isn’t possible to for things to be equal in a give and take, for example, parents to children or when someone is very sick, and they really cannot give back in a certain way, and the answer might be to give it forward, give it forward or to thank and acknowledge that this is something, a gift that one cannot give back. And often that also balances that given take.

Candice Wu 29:37

So, I see this in many relationships, and also, with giving to yourself, with self-love, with healing, with healing the parts of me that have wanted and needed from other people, I’ve come to find a different place, a lighter place where that giving doesn’t ask for as much from other people, and I don’t know if it’s selfless giving, there’s this common conversation or pressure in society to be selfless when you give and not expect anything in return. I think that also comes from very deep philosophies, a spirituality of many kinds, and we have to be careful about that because when we fake it, it becomes this underlying, unconscious or energetic or pushed down, repressed dynamic. And we do make ourselves better than human. In that way, we say we’re not subject to those human desires that we actually have, that we’re pushing down and hiding, and we will pretend that we don’t need anything, and yet, it acts on this unspoken level that can be visceral and palpable.

Candice Wu 31:04

But I do believe that there is a place of selfless giving or giving without expectation, but it comes with earning it. It comes with really looking and feeling through, and having the capacity to feel through where we use giving, taking or receiving to feel belonging or feel worth or to reject it or to ask for it, and what those three x indicate as far as those young dynamics or maybe even past life dynamics that come into this life.

Candice Wu 31:48

I have this view, also, because when I work with horses, I may have told this story in another podcast, but I can see this clear reflection of the places in me or the times in me that I want something back when I give. So, I give a carrot to a horse, and there are some days that I feel like, “Yep, just giving it to them and they’ll enjoy it. However, they enjoy it. Maybe they’ll drop it to the ground even, maybe they don’t want it or maybe they gobble it up and just walk away.” And I’m fine with that. That just is satisfying in itself, but when I first started giving food to horses, I could see that I wanted something back. I wanted them to love me. I wanted them to cuddle with me and give me some sort of loving attention that said, “I like you and I honor, I value you and you’re something to me.” And of course, when they just grabbed the apple out of my hand and walked away and ate it, and didn’t look back, there was something in me that had to look at my own experience in what I was projecting onto that horse, those needs that I was expecting them to fulfill for me.

Candice Wu 33:18

So, working with horses gives me this very clean look at how I can give and not expect, and I don’t know that working with horses is free of the balance of give and take, especially in this setup of when horses are under the care of humans and there is a power dynamic, but it gives me a bit of a cleaner look than most human relationships do. So, it might be a fun exercise for each of us if we gave to someone, if we give a gift or if we give a compliment or give our time and energy, and they just experience it however they experience it and don’t say anything, not even, “Thank you” or, you know, they take it and then receive it. What would we or what would you expect from them in those moments? Would you expect a gracious “thank you?” Would you expect something later in return?

Candice Wu 34:29

I think it’s just important to recognize this level of who we are, and perhaps, how that’s tied to a younger self or another part of us that really needs something, and that actually the kindness that we do to both ourselves and others, when we honor what’s truly there in our desires, we honor our humanity and we clean up the dynamics that are within us, that are between us from these things that we push down and secretly asked for.

Candice Wu 35:09

So, another way to look at this is to look at the opposite. When you receive or when you take, is there a level of your own guilt or unworthiness coming up that you don’t deserve that or feel uncomfortable taking it? Does that ask more of someone else when you reject it or when you slightly bounce it back the other way or fully do that? To you play into the experience that giving means that someone holds a debt to you and that you hold a debt to someone else when you receive? I could feel that very palpably. In my experience in the past that when people gave, I felt so uncomfortable, and that I had to almost immediately give back something or else I wasn’t worthy of that initial giving, I wasn’t worthy of being in a relationship, and how much tension and anxiety was written in that.

Candice Wu 36:23

And so, if you receive something in this way, what does it mean about when you give? What are you asking others for? Is there a way that you’re asking for a favor, care or love, and how much of it? Because it’s okay to ask for care and love. It’s okay to ask for validation. It’s okay to want these human things. How much of that is a healthy level in your adult life, and how much of that is your child’s need? And how much of that asks from another place of a past life or fulfilling, balancing out something from the past life? All of It’s okay. For me, I just rather know where it’s coming from and how much I’m asking of someone, and when I acknowledge that, it seems to go better, for me and the other person. It almost feels like, this, it’s better when we acknowledge that this is a giant boulder rather than pretending it’s a rock and it feels like a boulder when I ask someone to hold that for me or move it from one place to another.

Candice Wu 37:43

There are very subtle ways that we are asking for more or we’re asking for something and not claiming it, and this conversation here, for me, it’s very interesting to just look at that, and clear up some of those things to know where I’m asking of others, something more than perhaps, the relationship can hold or wants to hold, and to be able to give some of those things to myself so that there’s less burden on my relationships, and there’s more delight, and there’s more loving, true acts of loving that I can receive and give, and holding myself. And when I stay unconscious to it all, it just seems like there’s some level of action that has a pull in the relationship that I’d rather know about than not.

Candice Wu 38:52

So, how do we align with a truly loving act of giving and receiving, a delight in the act of it, like, delighting and how the horse just takes that carrot and does what he wants with it, rather than expecting them to do something specific with it or after. My experience, also, comes from Vedic science, where one of my favorite concepts is Pragya, and that is the concept of pure action, complete action, meaning, when you do any action, it comes so connected, it comes out of an intention that’s so connected and clear, and whole that is conscious. An action that comes from why you’re doing it, and all of us or as much of us is in that action as possible, then that action does not need outcomes or fruits of that action in order to feel complete.

Candice Wu 40:10

There are many concepts in Vedic science and philosophy around “action that does not rely on the fruits of that action to fulfill itself”, and the beautiful thing is when that happens, typically, the outcomes and fruits of that labor are quite abundant, but without the pressure on that to come to fruition. So, Pragya, this experience of complete action can be applied to giving when we give, we just delight. We can just delight in the act of giving and feel complete in that, but if there are parts of us, our younger self, other parts of us that want and that don’t feel complete in it and that want something more than that will play itself out, too, so, even though we think that we are complete in our giving or in our action in that moment, there might be unconscious parts or subtle aspects of us that are playing out or it might be conscious. The more we can hold it in our consciousness, the more I can hold my younger self’s hand, and give my younger self what it needs, instead of expecting someone else to give it. Then that action feels complete or more complete, as complete as it can.

Candice Wu 41:53

Not sure if there’s ever a time that one is fully, fully, fully conscious of every single thing, but we continue to unfurl and see more of ourselves as the days go on, and when we look at this dynamic, it is a paradigm and dynamic we live in, at certain times, and we don’t have to, so there’s something more, there’s a different way of being, there’s that human reality of what we wish for and wished for, and where that comes from, and there’s also a level of self-loving where we can give to ourselves so that that isn’t expected in between a relationship, but that doesn’t make us a place where we do that doesn’t make us superior and not needing anyone at all, not needing others to give to us at all, not needing love or validation from anyone at all that can be so violent, on the other hand. So, where’s that balance for you?

Candice Wu 43:12

Another way that I notice what is tied in and entangled with giving and taking is how do I feel when I don’t give, and if others are giving. There was a time in grad school that we were asked to bring food to share, and I did it. I think I was too tired or didn’t have time, and then I just thought, “Oh, forget it. It’ll be fine.” But when I got there, and everyone had brought something and I didn’t, I felt so guilty, and I think that might be what Bert Hellinger, Gunthard Weber, and Hunter Beaumont were talking about in this book, Love’s Hidden Symmetry, that you feel the guilt when you take, and I remember feeling in that moment, “Well, can I exercise the feeling of taking and receiving without having given here? Am I able to just allow this basic human experience of taking and receiving?” And I noticed that that might allow others to take also and not always have to give, that kind of breaks up the dynamic of the back and forth, but it was also my way of justifying that I should just try to take, but that I could separate taking, and this experience of only taking and not giving from defining my worth or feeling judgment about myself, and then I can also separate someone else’s worth or any judgment from when they just take and accept without giving back.

Candice Wu 45:05

Is this something you resonate with? Have you experienced when you don’t give? What happens there? What thoughts go through your mind — judgments, feelings, sensations? What impulses happen? So, for me to be in the wholeness of everything, I think that level of self-loving as well as acknowledging the human level of what I desire, need, and the young parts of me that desire and need, holding all of that in this sphere of what I can see and look at, gives me the best place to have lighter interactions and clean up my ways of giving and receiving, and taking.

Candice Wu 45:56

For me, that gives me a way to feel in alignment and congruence with the way I’d like to be in this life and the way I’d like to relate to others. So, both feeling that self-loving, fulfilled, that is earned, and noticing indicators of where there are unconscious places that I asked for more than I’m claiming or that I asked for something in return and continue to find more and more subtle layers of worthiness, feeling worthy of taking and receiving, feeling worthy of giving and not expecting others to be of certain way as they receive it or don’t receive it, and this interesting place where if others asked more of me when they give me something if I can sense that or if there’s a wish on their side that something is returned. Do I want to play into that dynamic? Do I want to name it? Do I want to just acknowledge it internally? What’s the most loving thing to do in that moment for myself and others or what do I want to do and play with and experiment with? We don’t have to live in the same dynamic as someone asserts towards us.

Candice Wu 47:32

So, what comes up for you now, at the end of this conversation, in this balance of giving and taking, and what’s tied up in your dynamics, as we approach Thanksgiving in the United States, even in our saying thanks. How can we do that in a more genuine and full way? And if that’s challenging, being compassionate and gentle with ourselves to look at what’s there, what’s embedded in that, what’s embedded in the impulse to give back right away if that’s what we feel, or to not even take it at all. Is your “thank you” way of saying, “No, I can’t accept this.” Why do you say that? Or you shouldn’t have. What does that say? And to have that loving for yourself that just allows all of it to be experimental and playful, and a way to see more of ourselves, because we’re all in this, we’re all experiencing some of these dynamics somewhere, because we are human, and this is our playground to explore other ways we can share and assert ourselves, and receive and relate.

Candice Wu 49:12

So, this Thanksgiving, I want to give thanks to myself for the grace in that playfulness and curiosity, and exploring, doing it without judgment if possible, and just loving myself where that judgment does come up, and I invite you to do the same, and I also want to send a very big thanks from my heart for all of you out there that listened to the podcast, that share it with other people that feel inspired naturally, and also, those that are supporting the podcast in other ways by giving some money, financial contribution to nourish the podcast on the back end, and to keep it going in that way. This goes back all the way to the beginning of when I started the podcast of why or from what place I was doing the podcast.

Candice Wu 50:17

I actually felt like this was in a lot of ways for me, like a gift to myself that I could just have this platform to express things, to push my own edges, and share things that have been harboring inside of me, but also ideas and knowledge, and practices that I wanted to just put out there in some format. And people would ask me, does it cost you money? Or are you getting anything in return? Is that a good marketing platform? Things like that, like people in the business world.

Candice Wu 50:56

I feel that I really ran with this Vedic concept and philosophy of pure action, of being in congruence with the clear and pure intention of why I wanted to do this podcast, which wasn’t to expect some outcomes, but it was the action of doing it just for doing it and the delight of that, that this podcast has actually given me many returns and other ways, and all of you have been a part of that, just by receiving and giving me feedback and sharing kind words, sharing your support.

Candice Wu 51:42

You know, this is interesting timing because this is the 99th episode, and next week will be the 100th episode of the Embody Podcast. It’s crazy, and the count does not include all the meditations and experiential that would be, I don’t know, 130 if we counted all those pieces as separate, but all those experientials relate to their umbrella, their parent episode, which is 100 episodes.

Candice Wu 52:16

So, while we’re here, I want to just share that you can find all those episodes at CandiceWu.com/podcast, and you can even search episodes that relate to what you might, what kind of nourishment you might need or topics you’re wanting to explore, and you can go to CandiceWu.com/meditations to find all the experiential and meditations that I’ve created and shared as well as those of my guests on the podcast.

Candice Wu 52:44

Thanks so much for joining me today, and I look forward to connecting with you with the 100th podcast next week. So, tune in for that if you’re interested. I have a very special guest that she and I share something very important in common, and you’ll find out what that is next week.

Candice Wu 53:03

Take care, and see you all next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about receiving, specifically taking versus receiving, and how we block ourselves from receiving what we desire, how we can be in the state of being that allows us to receive what we desire, and how all of that relates to embodiment and all of the emotions that we have the capacity to feel.

Candice Wu 0:22

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:36

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative Conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57

I’m so excited to announce to you that the Ally With Death Experiential audio is finally out after, I don’t know, if you’ve been listening in for the last year at some point, I’ve been speaking about it even a year ago, but this is a really beautiful, provocative, moody and stimulating audio-guided experience, that is me guiding you through a simulation of your death and what you need to let go of what wants to die that needs to die in your life or end what you’re ready to release to make space for the next step of your life, how you want to be in your life that feels like you, and what is life-giving for you.

Candice Wu 1:47

This audio experience is really special because it features music by Larry Saint Germain. He plays the hand pan and it just bubbles and stirs, and shakes up what’s inside that might be stagnant in you or weighing you down, making you feel anxious or depressed or what’s stuck inside. So, the sounds, the music, really stir things up and bring forward along with the prompts that I asked, and guide you through in terms of feeling like it’s your own death so that it can really bring you to that edge of vulnerability and honesty in yourself.

Candice Wu 2:32

The experiential is about 75 minutes long, and it’s produced and amalgamated by the editor of this podcast, Chris Spiegl, and he does an amazing job of putting together all the sounds in a way that connects right up with what’s happening through the experience. So, this experience is fabulous to do on the new moon, which is coming up soon and is once a month, and it’s also really great as we’re entering in the winter season, letting what needs to release and transform and transmute, do so and create the compost for fertile life coming up. You can find that at CandiceWu.comm/death, and it’s also a great gift for the holiday season for yourself or anyone who is in your life that you feel might benefit from it. All of that money goes to fuel the podcast and it just gets recycled into more creations and more of these podcasts that offer different topics and meditations to you.

Candice Wu 3:36

Hello, everyone. It’s fabulous to have you here. I invite you to just take this moment to feel into yourself, connect and notice how it has to be in your body, notice if your energy feels whole and collected in yourself or it feels like it’s scattered and running around in circles are going amok. Notice if your mind is somewhere else that’s part of your energy and your attention, and notice this without any judgment. It’s just a moment to observe and gather information about what’s happening inside.

Candice Wu 4:26

Thanks for joining me. It’s great to have you here, and before we jump in today, I want to give you a little update about where I am in the world and what has been in the spotlight of my life. I was recently in Grandville, Ohio at Denison University, was Molly Shanahan/Mad Shak Choreography, that dance company, and they have been working on this incredible piece about the movements and the expressions that come alive and are born from a traumatic experience.

Candice Wu 5:00

I’ve been so grateful to be part of that project by being a somatic consultant and bringing all of my embodied knowledge, intuition and expertise to their process, and it’s been incredible. They’re looking at layers of personal trauma, collective trauma, dance culture trauma, and what’s been ingrained in their bodies as a way of being, but also shifting that to witnessing what’s there and loving what’s there, and letting the movements come from a very deep place of their experience of humanity.

Candice Wu 5:37

So, they had a soft premiere in Chicago two weeks ago, and last week had their first weekend of shows at Denison university with talkbacks afterward, and it was just so incredible to see them working with how their bodies are moving and honoring their bodies rather than overriding and pushing through. We’ve talked all about overwhelm and how to support themselves in that process, resourcing and how to be supported by each other and look at something pleasurable when their body feels overwhelmed. It’s been wonderful. And so, shout out to them and deep-felt gratitude. Hopefully, I get them on the podcast one day, talking about their amazing artistic process and their research in this project.

Candice Wu 6:28

So, a little fun story, the last night I was there, I stayed in the Buxton Inn the whole weekend, which was fabulous, and I had read that there was a ghost in one of the rooms and there was a ghost, the ghost of the historical Inn that the owner of it, the founder, rather, who just overlooks the place, and sometimes there are occurrences in Room 9, and on the third night, of my visit there, I had to switch rooms because they didn’t have the same room for three nights. So, when I asked what room it was, they said Room 10, and I was like, few! I’m so glad it wasn’t room nine. I just didn’t really want to deal with that I was a little bit nervous about it, and then we got to Room 10 and it was gorgeous and adorable.

Candice Wu 7:22

And then the person, the receptionist said that it can get pretty noisy because it’s right above the staircase and the reception desk and the restaurant, and I said, “Is there another option?” And what was the other option? Yes, it was room nine. So, I decided to go for it, and I was still kind of nervous about it. I have never really been scared of ghosts. I don’t see ghosts or spirits in a very visual way, and yet, I have many friends that do and I just always thought, “Well, I don’t know if I want to see all of that.” And I had such an interesting experience. I decided to just talk with that spirit when I got to the room and just let them know that I was at peace with him, and I believe it was a he, and that’s what one of the founders is a he. And so, it felt like yeah, we’re at peace.

Candice Wu 8:29

And then, I was actually reminded by Chris Spiegl, the editor of this podcast and my former partner that I traveled with that, “Yeah, I was with the ancestors of this in this historical Inn,” and that just clicked to me in that moment. “Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I work with spirits all the time.” I work with ancestors all the time, with family constellations and my own ancestors, ancestors of other people and spirits, past selves, spirits from all sorts of dimensions. I don’t know why it just didn’t click to me that this was actually really familiar territory until that moment. And so, then, it just felt like, “Oh, okay, we’re fine here.” This is not new territory for me, and I know how to navigate this. And in fact, when I see things that might be scary to people through the ancestral work, through family constellations, it has never truly scared me.

Candice Wu 9:39

So, I go to sleep and I have the best sleep ever, and in the morning, I half woke up and I had sleep paralysis, briefly what seemed brief, and I’ve only had that a couple of times in my life. It doesn’t really scare me. It just is a really strange feeling, but here this time, I felt certain that there was a spirit that was like on the right side of my body. And in my half-waking state, I said in my mind, “No, get off of me. I don’t want you on top of me.” And he did, and I felt released some energetic grip, and then I could move again a few moments after.

Candice Wu 10:24

So, I did have an incident or occurrence or interaction, and it was fine. It didn’t really scare me. I just, it was interesting. I had boundaries while I was asleep. So, I was appreciating myself for that. So, whether or not that was actually the spirit or ancestor of this hotel this in, I don’t know, that’s just what it felt like, and that’s my account of the experience at the moment. So, before all this, before I went to sleep, I actually asked my pendulum whether there was a ghost in the room and it said, “No,” and then I asked, Is there a spirit in this room, and it said, “Yes.”

Candice Wu 11:05

So, in that moment, I got the message that maybe we shouldn’t be calling these ancestors of somebody, ghosts, and yes, they may be hanging around to finish something, but aren’t so many other spirits and energies here, too, if you believe in that. So, that’s my two cents on the topic of ghosts and spirits, today. Maybe you have more experiences or this enlivens some memory of something for you, I’d be happy to hear what your experiences, you can always reach out to me and share.

Candice Wu 11:44

One more thing I want to touch base on is that I had the most amazing astrology reading by Elena Sakopoulos. She’s the founder of hidden gift astrology, and you can find her on Instagram @hiddengiftastrology. I don’t get any money for saying this, I just really like her work, and she’s a friend of mine, and I spoke with her today after feeling very, very, very, very confused and kind of all over the place with some decisions and things that are going on in my life, relationships and all sorts of things, and I just got so much clarity and in fact, that chaos, that chaos I was describing was part of my chart with Uranus in a specific location.

Candice Wu 12:30

So, it’s really great because I felt way validated in my desires right now, my striving for certain kind of freedom in myself, the eccentric way that I’m setting up my relationships and structuring my boundaries, and defining what works for me. All of that was really reflected in my reading today, where she looked at the arc of some of the planets, transitions of the planets and what might be coming up for me. She has a holiday sale. So, it’s totally worth it and a gift certificate sale, so, you might check that out if you’re interested. I just got one for my mom.

Candice Wu 13:12

Alright, so, let’s jump into this episode. Last week we talked about taking versus receiving specifically about taking and that taking comes before giving, and it is, this very developmental process that is necessary and becomes an essential way of our assertive right in our lives. So, if you’re interested in learning more about that, check out the episode at CandiceWu.com/taking, which is part one of the series of three. Today’s on receiving and next week is on giving, and that leads us up to the United States Thanksgiving holiday.

Candice Wu 13:56

My initial reason for wanting to talk about this is that sometimes people feel like they’re not allowed to take, that they can’t take what they need even, and it just feels so painful because I know to myself this experience of not being able to reach out and take what I need, and that I deserve that and I’m worthy of it, and I’m not talking about stealing or taking what’s not mine or more than what I need, but just what I need, and what I desire. So, that episode goes way deeper into that developmental necessity where that can take us in terms of how we assert ourselves, and what we feel we’re able to take on in our life if we’re even able to take up space, take our time, all sorts of ways that taking is important.

Candice Wu 14:47

So, here we are today with receiving. What is receiving? Receiving can be allowing something to come to and agreeing to it, allowing yourself to take it, absorb it in, hold it, be with it, have it, and when we think about receiving, we often think about what we’re attracting to and what we contain in our being that comes our way, what we absorb in. The biggest thing I have to say about receiving is that it is all in the body. It is all about how the body, the cells of our body, the muscles, the tone of our tissues, what it does when something comes our way. It’s all in our capacity to feel that we’re worthy of receiving and that we are allowed to, and our capacity to feel all of our feelings.

Candice Wu 15:55

If we are blocking certain feelings, if we think that they’re bad that we have them, and this happens in subtle ways, like, we think we should feel better instead of just feeling what we feel where we want to do something about it to cope with it, certainly there’s a place for that, because there are times where we really need to just do something about it so we can do something else. And it’s my hope that you come back to those feelings because those feelings are real treasures, which give the pathway to allow you to receive what you want to receive because if those feelings are there, that might be sensation or emotion in your body, that’s energy, and it’s taking up space, and it might have a certain kind of direction or quality to how it takes up space in your being and your energy field, and in your body, and it can block other things that you do want to receive more of from coming in.

Candice Wu 17:05

Sure, it can also block more negative things from coming in, which is probably a way that of survival if that is your way, that may be a whole other conversation, but if we build our capacity to be with what’s present in our bodies, what feelings we have, thoughts, emotions, sensation with a witness, with the feeling that our body can hold it and not overriding, where when we feel like our body is not big enough that we just plow through where we develop that capacity over time, then that is the direction towards receiving what you wish and to be able to consciously create and attract, and allow what it is that you can’t consciously want, not what is unconscious. There’s all sorts of stuff coming our way that is unconscious, that we’re not aware of, that our bodies and energies are conditioned to, and we’ll talk about all that today.

Candice Wu 18:18

So, the capacity to feel all of our emotions is part of a receptive mode of our body, a state of being that is our appear state of being, that has access to all the modes of communicating from and with our bodies and energies, that these emotions are tools, part of our toolkit, and when that’s blocked, it’s blocking our receptivity, and when it’s flowing and open, more is able to flow towards us.

Candice Wu 18:50

There are certainly times to block our energies and to close in and not receive more especially if you’re feeling overstimulated. So, there’s not a good and bad of any of this, really, it’s just where you’re at, what’s the next thing for you, where do you want to develop your capacity or what’s needed in this time and place for you in your life and on your journey, now.

Candice Wu 19:18

Abraham Hicks talks about receptive mode, and I’ve often enjoyed some of her talks, although, she does not seem to give away towards building that capacity for receptive mode, at least not in the talks that I’ve listened to, and it’s not quite trauma-sensitive, where if you have had experiences that have traumatized you, that have been overwhelming to you or your lineage, which I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have something, she doesn’t quite give away towards building that receptivity rather than saying just do it, and for some people that really works, and for some people, it doesn’t. So, it may take some healing process over time, it may take that building of capacity over time, learning about your body and building a relationship, which is all about what this podcast is about, to build your receptivity.

Candice Wu 20:26

When I think about our state of being, and being in a receptive state of being, receptive towards what we desire, so much goes into that. One piece is that on a human physical level, we come into this life through our parents, and we come into this life into an energetic field of the soul of this family system that is the biological family, and this is really important because that gives not just like our gut flora or our DNA, but that DNA is intricately one with the experiences and the amount of safety that’s in the system based on how much they’re able to integrate the experiences and celebrate the good things and look at the really hard and tragic things, and what’s leftover.

Candice Wu 21:31

Sometimes experiences are so traumatizing and tragic that the people that experienced them weren’t able to actually look where it wasn’t safe afterward, and those energies of emotions and experience get passed down and connected with later people in the ancestry which we are part of. So, it’s not a bad thing. It’s just indicating to us where there is the next step of healing or looking that brings us back to our wholeness, our natural, safe state of being.

Candice Wu 22:15

Whatever system we came into, when we were an infant, even in utero, there’s a level of felt sense, safety or unsafety, some spectrum of that, based on all of the collective experience of the family system, and what’s happening in the collective consciousness at that time as well and in the culture, and then we get to a very personal level of the parents that we have and what they’re holding in their bodies and nervous systems, how their nervous systems are, what level of safety their nervous systems feel, which give how much capacity they’re able to attune and mirror and bring safety to their child. What level of coherence and the ability to hold their own experience as well as their babies? So, that brings us to the question of, what was it like when you entered into this life? What’s your impression? Where’s that held in your body? And what did you receive?

Candice Wu 23:27

Literally, what did you receive, not just in good stuff, and things you needed. If you got some of that, you must have gotten at least some of it to survive to this point, if not a lot in your life, but what did you receive that might have been unpleasant or unwanted or uncomfortable that may have felt like you had to receive that or else you wouldn’t survive or it was just a tidal wave coming at you and your life. So, all of those experiences early on can tie into what messages we receive about ourselves and as well as messages we came in with, maybe from a past life or from another dimension of experience, from other experiences before this life, if you believe in that, which I do.

Candice Wu 24:24

So, our early ways of experiencing the world, the world around us, this nature versus nurture conversation, I believe it works in collaboration, that if our nurturance, by those that we were born from was attuned enough than it needed to nurture our nature, specifically to what kind of being we were, and yet there are all sorts of factors that come into play beyond this that we cannot say that it’s only pointing to our early experience, in my opinion. So, as we bring this to the conversation about receiving, what comes to mind and heart for you when you bring up the topic of receiving? What do you feel with that idea and concept? And where do you feel it in your body?

Candice Wu 25:28

I was a container for all sorts of unwanted emotions, for example, shame, fear, and anger of others in my ancestry, and then later, I also found past lives or lives of other dimensions where I wasn’t able to feel the heartbreaking grief and loss of some experiences until now… because it wasn’t safe. And if this topic is in interesting to you about the ancestry, you can check out the family constellations episode at CandiceWu.com/ep5 or go to the other podcasts where, with guests and with myself, we related to this topic at CandiceWu.com/familyconstellations where you’ll find all those listed, and if you’re interested in in the past life stuff, you can just go to my podcast CandiceWu.com/podcast and search past lives and you’ll find all those episodes that connect.

Candice Wu 26:37

So, we can be receiving all sorts of things, we can receive, “good things,” pleasurable things desirable, money, abundance, we can receive unwanted things, things that are painful, undesirable experiences that repeat themselves. We may be receiving energy that is not ours, energy we don’t want to contain in our body. We may receive vibrations or energies from someone that feels supportive or lifts us up, prayer maybe pleasure or joy, money, and abundance, resource, opportunities, possibilities, gifts, compliments, touch or hugs, contact. Receiving also involves being seen and receiving someone seeing you, receiving support and being held, receiving food, receiving love. Sometimes, where love might be tangled with other things that we don’t want, like when paired with obligation or pain.

Candice Wu 28:03

If you want to look into this more deeply, there are two podcast episodes and that’s at CandiceWu.com/love and also /lovepart2. We can receive respect and healthy admiration, sensuality, sexual pleasure, simple pleasures of looking at things and receiving the beauty, human enjoyment, receiving flavors and smells, sounds, ecstatic experiences. So, as we make this list up, see what else comes up for you about what can be received, but here, now, as we bring up a more reflective space of receiving and how you experience it. I want to ask several questions that may stir up what it is been like for you in your world and perhaps what will be the next step in your capacity to receive.

Candice Wu 29:29

So, with the topic of receiving, what are you receiving in your life? And I’m not just talking about the pleasant or good things, “good, good things.” I’m talking about what is arriving in your space and that you’re accepting in or taking in. Some of this might be unpleasant or unwanted or undesirable, and some of it may be joyful or pleasant, what are you receiving? If you need more time to reflect on these questions, I invite you to pause the podcast, and then just continue on when you’re ready, and this may be a great place to journal if you’re interested. So, feel free to pause and grab a journal or a cup of tea and come back to it or just meditate with me and see what comes up here.

Candice Wu 30:44

So, just to give a little bit of the opposite experience I named that I was a container for unwanted emotions and other painful things that came through the ancestry, and that created some imprint for how I would interact with the entire world, and yet, I’ve also been over time as I’ve healed so much of my trauma and difficult experiences, I’ve been able to receive so much good, so much pleasure, peace of mind, peace, time, being with people and receiving a lot of love, interaction, and intimacy. I’ve received so many opportunities to connect with people that are feeling really aligned with me and stimulate my own creativity. I’ve received a lot of support from people that support this podcast as well as my life and my world, my creative endeavors, who I am as a person, and I’ve also learned to receive from myself.

Candice Wu 32:01

So, there will be another reflective experience later in this episode as well as some self-forgiveness that will offer to support some clearing of belief sets and things that come up around receiving, but before we go there, I want to talk about what causes a blockage of receiving. We kind of touched on it already, but if you’ve had experiences where you’ve had to protect yourself, energetically or physically, and you may not have been able to do something that you needed to do to protect yourself that may be an experience of trauma, and in some way, the body does it differently and finds a way to survive it, and so, that might be tension in your body, in your tissues or muscles and that can create you know, you’ve heard the sense of there’s a wall between us where it’s like talking to a brick wall where they’re so cold, or I feel so distant.

Candice Wu 33:08

So, whether it’s a physical boundary or not, there’s a way our body creates an energetic and then physical experience that can block us from receiving the things that we really want and need to receive. It’s a way of shutting down the frozen state tonic immobility of playing dead that the body needs to do to protect due to overwhelm, and if that sounds somewhat familiar to you or you feel numb quite a bit or you can’t receive, you might check out the Nervous System Overwhelm Episode at CandiceWu.com/overwhelm, which will give more details about that experience.

Candice Wu 33:52

If you’re receiving too much of something that’s unpleasant, you might look at what your spirit is trying to draw you to, because this may be the next spiritual lesson or the spiritual lesson of your life, but this is where the energy is, this is where your receptivity is on the other side of this experience. So, it’s guiding you to get through it, to move through it, to build the capacity there, to feel through that and know that possibility of a human experience so that you’re going to arrive back at a natural state of safety, flow, and coherence.

Candice Wu 34:36

This also might relate to a disruption in early life around merging with your mother. In utero and as infants we have this experience of merging with mother, with the energy of mother where we’re not separate, where we’re physically not separate and then when we come out with even, there’s an experience of needing to be with to survive, and we need the regulated nervous system of our mother to feel safe enough to develop our own nervous systems and capacity to then, at some point, begin to separate and learn that we are a separate body that can handle with this nervous system that’s building and with mothers still present, that we can be safe in the world, and that’s why we need to be within 36 inches of the heart’s space of our mothers.

Candice Wu 35:39

I think that the HeartMath Institute does research on that, but if there’s some disruption around merging like it doesn’t feel safe or mother had to give up the baby and you were adopted or the mother got sick or depressed or something that happened, another baby came too soon for this infant, then that can feel to an adult person that had this experience that hasn’t yet healed from that or healed around that, that you can receive too many other energies and emotions from the outer world because there’s still a need to merge with something safe.

Candice Wu 36:27

A lot of empaths feel that way, that they can be flooded with emotions that they don’t know whose they are and it can feel very unsettling to be in a group. I certainly was that way for a long time, and as I developed my nervous system capacity and sense of self, it’s easy to have a boundary and not take in other emotions, but there are times where sometimes, there’s a space in my energetic boundary that take something in and it relates to some receptivity in myself or some similar experience that my body and spirit wants me to look at.

Candice Wu 37:11

Feeling blocked in receiving can relate to the belief sets that we’ve internalized over lifetimes, ancestry in this life, both conscious and unconscious, and the ones that are unconscious are the ones that usually live and control more of our thoughts and behaviors, our experience in life. I think also because most of the time, they’re undesirable or we have some resistance against it, but this is showing us again, something that wants to be seen, felt through and bringing us to a larger capacity.

Candice Wu 37:55

This brings me to another experience of ancestry and our interconnectedness with all people and creatures is that we have, deep in us that interconnectedness, and what I see and believe as this love, that we do love all creatures and beings, earth as well as an animated living being, breathing, breathing being, and that when we see that others are not receiving something or having something or if they’re in pain or they’re in an excruciating experience, that we might decide somewhere in us that we can’t have it either or we can’t have more or we can’t be in pleasure or peace because other people aren’t or certain animals are not, and then we choose to suffer as well.

Candice Wu 38:59

That’s one way looking at it. It could be someone who died in our family ancestry or in a past life or in another dimension or in this life, especially if they died young like a baby or stillborn child, in utero, a younger adult or if someone died by suicide, there is this deep love that binds us that wants them to be okay, and we want to do it with them sometimes or want to feel that they’re not having to do it alone or their survivor’s guilt, like, why did I live and they didn’t? Sometimes, we have in our perception that others don’t have as much or receive as much or they’re not as happy or they’re suffering, and then we also choose to suffer. This is all tied into the family constellations, conversations, and I could go on a lot longer about it, but for today, I’ll just leave it at that. I’ll connect this with a story that I have of eating shrimp and crab legs.

Candice Wu 40:07

One day, I was having a special romantic night with someone, and we had just bought crab legs from the store and made them. And this is a while back when I was really working on my worth and what I could receive, and as I was eating them, I started crying and the thought was, should I be able to have this when I know my grandparents don’t? And there was this feeling in my body of like, I shouldn’t have this, I’m not allowed to, how could I? And it was like betrayal and disloyalty to them. So, there’s a way in which we might be loyal in order to love those that we love. We might be loyal to suffering or not having as much or not allowing ourselves to receive, and it feels like a betrayal to receive more or it feels like we’re going to be betrayed if we receive more, like, we’ll be called selfish or we will be ungrateful or other beliefs that may come up.

Candice Wu 41:17

I wrote a blog post on the invisible bonds of love, money, and abundance in our ability to receive that, and I talked about how my grandpa was sold for money and how I was so holding that experience of loss, of disconnection in the family line that also related to money, and that really affected how it came down the line as to what I thought I could receive, and if I even felt enough in myself. You can read that blog post at CandiceWu.com/invisiblebonds, and with all these links, I’ll link them to the show notes as well.

Candice Wu 42:02

I’ll touch briefly on two other things because this is becoming quite a long episode, is the ability to say, “No.” If we’re not able to say no or have boundaries, that can sometimes cause us to not be able to receive what we want because we’re just receiving everything then or we are taking on everything or all the things that just come our way, and by selecting what we say yes to and say no to, it’s really important, because it gives the energetic space for what you want and tells the other things, “No.”

Candice Wu 42:38

The second thing is expectations. When we want something so much that the intensity of that desire actually means or shows that there’s the opposite fear attached, like, fear we won’t have it or what if we don’t have it? Then that is actually fear coming through. It’s not a state of being of abundance and receptivity, it is fear playing itself out by wanting, by expecting things to be a certain way that is attachment, because fear creates that tie to attachment, but all that can show you where the fear lies, and looking and feeling that fear is honoring and deepening your capacity, so, it’s showing you the next chapter or program of your school of life and where the energy is blocked, and on the other side, without the push or force of expecting it to be there is usually more.

Candice Wu 43:43

So, just a little shift in gears is that I believe that we all have the right to receive and we have a share that’s ours, that if we’re in alignment with who we truly are, there’s all sorts of abundance that is specifically going to reflect you because you’re worthy and you’re here. The juice of your essence is connected with the infinite world of possibility and that gives you the space to create anything and to be in the flow of the possibility that you are because you are that conscious energy that makes all things. So, that can get a little heady but wanted to say that before we jump into looking at some belief sets because belief sets really get down to the core of what and how much you’re able to receive and the beliefs connect up with a whole set of feelings, emotions, energies, and images in your being that create this way, one way of being.

Candice Wu 44:56

So, looking at beliefs, this is the second part of this podcast, of reflection. Take a moment and just feel a couple of breaths move through your body, and we’ll look at some beliefs and feel free to write down some that come to you or that resonate with you as I say them. What do you feel the permission to receive? What do you feel you’re allowed to receive? And that’s different from what you think you’re allowed to receive. What you feel you can and are allowed, and are permitted to receive? Are you allowed to receive love, belonging, a sense of home gifts, compliments, money, expansion, what are you allowed to receive?

Candice Wu 46:04

Complete the sentence: To receive love would mean ____ or in order to receive love, I need to _____. And this is just ruffling up the belief sets that are here, not necessarily cleansing them out yet or shifting them to what you truly want, just what’s here, and just to adjust that one: to receive, fill in the blank here would mean to and fill in the blank here. So, for example: to receive money would mean to betray my parents or would mean to bend over backward, that’s just an example, and fill in the blank here: to receive a compliment would mean to be ____, some options are selfish, full of yourself ungrateful, disrespectful or maybe you’re at the place where it feels good to be grateful, thankful.

Candice Wu 47:30

What are the rules around what you’re allowed to receive and what you’re not or what amount you’re able to receive? What opportunities come to you and what opportunities do not? When you see other people experiencing things, when are the moments that you feel like, “Oh, I could never have that or that wouldn’t ever happen for me?” Is there a limit to what you feel you deserve? And where are other beliefs connected with your ability to receive or what you can receive or what you do receive? Your worthiness, being good enough or being enough, being a good person or being valuable, lovable, to have beliefs like I’m not allowed to receive because I’m a bad person or a failure or I’m not allowed to receive until I x y&z, and there’s a way you hold yourself hostage, and fill in the blank: If I receive ____ then others will think ______ and just see what there is here for you.

Candice Wu 49:21

And as we close this section of belief sets for now or a million other beliefs that’s I could come up here, which I invite you to explore. I just leave you with the forgiveness statement that my healer Charmayne Kilcup uses with me all the time and I use with my clients is: I forgive myself, for judging myself for believing and then fill in the blank for yourself or I forgive myself for judging myself for having to experience, and then as you turn these around into what you like to believe, and are consciously moving towards, not as an affirmation, but as a way to help clear judgments that and energies that connect with the opposite, use the statement if you’d like: I forgive myself for judging myself for forgetting and add in anything that fits their like, for forgetting that it is safe to receive now or I am worthy of receiving. I deserve what I need. I’m allowed to receive pleasure. I’m allowed to receive gifts and compliments without being judged, and really ask yourself, “Is it safe to receive?”

Candice Wu 51:01

In some settings, it’s not or there’s a feeling that receiving something will threaten something else. It may be important to name those things and see if they’re true, now. Certainly, if you’re in a situation where your life is being threatened or you’re being abused and it’s not safe, I invite you to get extra support and recognize that is not safe. So, I’d like to end here with just a few comments about when you do receive the thing that you’re wanting to receive or something else that just beautifully comes your way. Check to see how you receive it. Do you say thank you, and have an open heart to receive it?

Candice Wu 51:56

Have you ever set a compliment to someone and they said, “Oh no, that’s, you know, it’s all you or it’s Oh no, that’s not really me or something.” It almost feels like a rejection, right? It is a rejection. It’s like handing someone a gift and they don’t take it. So, are you doing that to opportunities or love that’s coming your way to support and certainly you can say no, but do you say no in instances where you actually want to say yes? You might open to the unexpected and say, “Thank you.”

Candice Wu 52:38

Ken Honda was on the podcast recently talking about money, and he is Japanese and looks at our relationship with money, and he loves to say, “Arigato in, Arigato out.” So, when you receive and when you give, there’s a thanks. So, when we receive something, just like in the beginning when I said it’s all in the body, in our feeling sense or openness or contraction, when you receive, how is your body speaking? What’s happening? Is there a way you can soften and allow it to come in, and say thank you and feel into that thank you? Or do you need to say no and block it and say, “That’s not what I want?” And what are you saying in different instances?

Candice Wu 53:36

Attuning to receiving and pleasure and what you desire is a practice. It is you’re right, but it is a practice, because we’re often receiving so much other stuff that we’re conditioned to that, we’re programmed for that or we are accustomed to it, and our bodies need practice to feel the things that you do want to have. So, take time in the peaceful moment. Take time in the beauty of receiving an opportunity and revel in it or when someone sees you, savor it. If you’d like to develop these capacities further and attuned to pleasure further, I have a bunch of different resources for you, and I’ll link these on the show notes.

Candice Wu 54:31

So, I’ll just mention these now, and feel free to jump on to the website and just click on these or write these down or find them as you hear them. Where you can find this specific podcast is that CandiceWu.com/receiving, and there is an experiential called Embodying Your Desires in Love: Receiving and Taking. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep65.

Candice Wu 55:05

Also, Ancestral Order — Clearing up Responsibility and Receiving the Best. This is a Family Constellations experiential, and it’s Episode 30c, so, you can find it at CandiceWu.com/ep30. And then, I have a couple of blog posts on pleasure and attuning to pleasure, you can search through my blog post and just click on pleasure and find a lot more but this specific one is at CandiceWu.com/pleasure, and it’s three ways to attune to pleasure.

Candice Wu 55:44

So, I’m wishing you all the capacity to receive because as you receive, others have more permission to receive and as you receive, you fall into the right, the alignment of who you are, to receive all that is here for you to receive, to experience everything you want to, and that opens up more. So, thank you for receiving, and I invite you to look at your boundaries around receiving and continue to practice. Be gentle with yourself when you hit those bumps in the road that feel like you’re not receiving because those are the bumps that lead you towards the smooth, open road.

Candice Wu 56:36

Thank you so much for joining me today, and listening all the way through to this podcast. I am so grateful for you being here, and if you would like to give something to the podcast and allow me to receive it, I would gladly receive it with open arms and an open heart. You can find my support page at CandiceWucom/support, and there are just a bunch of ways where you can contribute to the podcast, and also receive something in return if you’re interested, for example, the personal meditations, the Ally with Death Experiential that I mentioned earlier, the Embodied Healing Group or if you just want to give a donation without any of that, I will gladly receive that, because it does support and nurture this podcast and keep it going.

Candice Wu 57:25

Also, feel free to sign up for my newsletter that comes out once or twice a month at CandiceWu.com/embody. Let’s leave with a little bit of music here as you let your ears receive some pleasant sound, hopefully it’s pleasant for you or feel free to shut it off if you say, “No,” but thank you, again and wishing you all a lovely experience today, of life.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is part one of three of taking versus receiving and the balance between taking and receiving versus giving, and where we’re coming from in each of these.

Candice Wu 0:14

Part one here is specifically about the assertive energy of taking, and where that comes from developmentally, how we can use that energy in our lives when we need it, and to clear up any belief systems, belief sets that interfere with our ability to use that tool in our lives.

Candice Wu 0:38

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:12

Hi, everyone, welcome back to the Embody Podcast. It is fabulous to have you here. We have here part one of three of this exploration around taking, receiving, and giving and it’s going to be very interesting because the last episode will land on the week of Thanksgiving for the United States. But regardless if you have Thanksgiving or not coming up, the ideas around giving, taking, receiving can be very interesting to explore. And part of my interest in this is looking at those ways of being and clearing up belief sets that just don’t belong with it, things that we’ve associated with giving or taking, or receiving as a society as well as personally in your lineage maybe or in your soul, and just cleaning that up so that there’s a very clear way to take in your life to receive and to give that it comes from a very congruent and deep place of concurrency, and integrity.

Candice Wu 2:21

Before we go into this conversation, I am thrilled to announce that the Ally with Death experiential, that I used to have as an online experience where you type in your responses is now an audio experience. So it’s a recording that is set to some moody and provocative music, along with my voice guiding you through a death of the old ways of being that you may have that are ready to die, habits and belief sets that you may want to release or recognize now, and find a way to transform and an experience to rebirth you into what feels more like you, now and today, what feels life-giving and present.

Candice Wu 3:07

This is just a fabulous creation by me and a friend of mine, Larry Saint Germain, and he is who created all of the music that is just going to shake up all of what stagnant and decaying on the inside and ready to die. His music along with the editing and amalgamation of the music by Chris Spiegl, which is also the editor of the podcast, and a friend of mine and former partner of mine. This is just a beautiful creation by the three of us that was originally inspired by Ana T. Forrest who created the death meditation.

Candice Wu 3:52

So if you’re interested in shifting out of stagnancy, or if you’re feeling stuck in your life, if there is anxiety or depression, uncertainty about the next steps or what you need to be doing in your life, if there are ways of being that feel just not serving you anymore, or uncomfortable, or like, you need to change, or if you just want to get some clarity for yourself or you’re intrigued about how death can support life, how embracing death can give you more life or you’re interested in following nature’s guidance to go inward and let die what needs to die as the winter approaches, then check out the Ally with Death audio experiential. So if you dare, then you can find that experience at CandiceWu.com/death.

Candice Wu 4:45

It’s a great gift for someone who might benefit from this or you’re feeling like need some support in this area, something to shake things up or stimulate something new, provoke something new. I love this experience. And even for myself at least twice a year, I love to do this. And so it’s a great way to let die what needs to die and to build a relationship with death, which gives us more life. It’s really, truly building our relationship with life. And when we resist death, we resist life.

Candice Wu 5:23

So looking at death, the ability to see what death brings, what can die and how it feels, and what needs to can let us embody something else in this life for us, and what’s really true and alive right now. So again, that’s at CandiceWu.com/death, and it is on sale now until November 15, 2019.

Candice Wu 5:50

It’s so fitting that this experiential is birthing itself here on the tail end of Dia de Los Muertos and this shift of mercury going into retrograde at the end of October and into November, where for me, I felt a lot of shift in myself. I felt like things did need to die. And even one day, last weekend, I was in this half-awake, half-sleep state and I heard myself say in my mind, I am dying. And it wasn’t the kind of I’m dying that people can typically say like, I feel awful, I’m dying. It was more like I knew and I felt aware that there were things inside of me that were dismantling and dying off and breaking off, crumbling and it was really interesting. I didn’t really have words to describe what that was, but I knew in my feeling sense and my felt sense that something was happening and that growth was happening even though it was very uncomfortable.

Candice Wu 7:09

It took a little bit of time for me to verbalize what was going on and now I can say that I was letting go of some ways of being, where I might protect people from their feelings by accommodating them, not telling people what I really want, need or what I want to say. But really, I’m protecting myself and at the same time, I felt like there was a very strong oath that I had taken somewhere in my life, and somewhere in my soul in past lives, to protect the men. And what that took out to be was to protect men from their emotions and to work around that and shapeshift so that men around me didn’t have to feel uncomfortable or have reactions. And I know that growing up, that was a survival mechanism, because my dad might blow up or say something really mean to me. But while I’d worked with that a lot in my lifetime, especially in the last 11 years, 10 years, it felt deeper than that.

Candice Wu 8:24

So as many of you know, that are working with me or have heard the podcast, or have heard the work of Charmayne Kilcup, which is one of my healers, who brings this method through Robert Waterman, her teacher, is that I used forgiveness statements to release this a bit. And when I said the words: I forgive myself for judging myself for all the times and places that I vowed and promised to protect men.

Candice Wu 8:53

I could feel something in my body shifting even though mentally I may not have known what that was and it felt like more of my body opened up, more freedom opened up, more capacity to be present. And that was showing itself a little bit before this feeling of I’m dying inside. But as that happened, I think more that died in me, the need to do that and the need to protect myself and others from our feelings and reactions and it led to me feeling more like myself, and more assertive and also feeling more aligned with the present moment where I’m making choices that reflect and are congruent with what I need and desire right now, and less attached to future outcomes, like what will happen in the future if I choose x, y, and z now, where I know that even if I have those thought processes things can change between now and “the future”.

Candice Wu 10:05

And so when I make decisions like that, it really doesn’t serve me and it’s really just a little bit of anxiety about, anxiety that’s feeling of not trusting myself in the future, not trusting what may come. And so along with this dying inside, I have felt more aligned with joy and what’s true to myself now, and more able to just make a very clear and direct choice for myself.

Candice Wu 10:39

It’s really comparable to my experience with horses and all the work I’ve done with horses and just watching them and learning from them is they’ll just go for what they want. And they’re working with what’s present in the moment, what’s presenting in the moment and responding to that and choosing what they’re feeling like doing without the thinking of the future.

Candice Wu 11:05

And as I’m saying this, I realized that I’m not exactly saying that I’m not going to be thinking about the future in choices that I make. There are definite times that I will be doing that and need to be doing that and that’s an important tool. I’m more speaking towards other things that just don’t affect the future and they’re more clearly aligned with what just needs to happen now.

Candice Wu 11:31

So as I say all these, what in you is dying? Or, what do you want to let go of and shift or shake off of you? What beliefs in you are up for reevaluation or ways of being, ways that you interact with people? Where are there places that you can try something different and what would happen? What are belief sets that if you didn’t have to live with or live by, might create a different result in your life?

Candice Wu 12:13

I’d love to hear from you if you’re interested in sharing with me what’s happening for you and if you’re interested in going deeper, as I mentioned earlier, the Ally with Death experiential is a great way to do that.

Candice Wu 12:27

And also, as we’re nearing the holiday season, I would like to just have this moment to remind us all of giving some time to ourselves, to tend to what’s happening in our inner world. Well, a lot in the outer world can be happening.

Candice Wu 12:46

These last couple of days, I noticed that I had some tension start to build up in my neck and my shoulders and when that’s the case, I know that I’ve been neglecting something that wants to be honored inside and maybe some emotions that want to move. And when I just scoot by life, without giving myself that extra time and space, it can just be this slow accumulation of what wants to be seen inside and it builds up for me in tension. Does that happen for you and do you need a little time to just sit with yourself and perhaps even give a little self-touch or contact to your body in a way that suits your body?

Candice Wu 13:41

So I invite you to do that right now. Just take this moment while we’re here together and let go of your tension on anything in the outer world and turn that energy towards yourself to give yourself this moment of peace with yourself that doesn’t ask anything more of yourself, doesn’t pressure yourself to be any certain way or to do, or accomplish anything. And if there’s a way that your body would like to be touched, a way that feels soothing or caring to your body, allow yourself to do that. Maybe that’s a soft hug or touching a place in your body, on your body that feels like it needs support, or a release without pressuring your body to release or do anything.

Candice Wu 14:46

Just sense into your breath, how you’re doing in this moment, how it is to be in your body, right here.

Candice Wu 15:04

And even this one minute of doing so, notice if anything changes in you or reveals itself.

Candice Wu 15:21

And now we’ll shift into our conversation for today, which is about taking and it’s part one of the taking, receiving, and giving conversation and as we, just to conclude this moment of taking space and time for yourself, feels like a perfect bridge to the conversation of taking.

Candice Wu 15:45

Taking can mean so many things. It can mean taking what you desire, taking space, as we just said, taking time, taking up space, taking a pace that’s right for you, taking what you need, taking a walk or a hike, taking more or take two, like, try again, or do the second round, like in every rehearsal take two, take three and also taking your place, taking your place, your sense of belonging and who you are. What other words come up for you around taking where taking is something that’s necessary or needed?

Candice Wu 16:51

I’ve often felt that people stigmatize the act of taking, like, they shouldn’t take or that it’s selfish to take and you should just give.

Candice Wu 17:04

So this is part of why I wanted to have this conversation today is that there’s a relationship between taking and giving, and give and take. There is a difference between taking versus receiving. And how can we look at these and peel off on pair of things that have been tangled up with the ability to take, receive, and give so that we can be really congruent and very present with what’s really happening when we do any of those actions.

Candice Wu 17:55

I want to start with taking and the majority of the conversation today will be about taking. Next week will be about receiving and the week after about giving. And I’ll just briefly say here, well, there’s the stigmatization of taking at times, I’ve often noticed an overvaluing of giving.

Candice Wu 18:20

Giving is absolutely a beautiful thing and it can make us feel really good. It can make others feel great. But it can also deplete those who overgive. And why do we do that?

Candice Wu 18:34

I’ve often done that myself. Where does that come from? Is there a deception coming from that, the need to please others or do the nice thing, the thing that might make others see you in a good light? Is there a manipulation involved? Is there a sense of appeasing or fun, which is often spoken as the fourth state of fight, flight, and freeze. Fun or appease is a way that we might freeze in parts of us shut down, parts of what we need or need to express, to put that aside, in order to please and accommodate or submit to someone else and their needs so that we can get some safety, love or attention from that or perhaps belonging.

Candice Wu 19:31

So, that’s just a very brief touching on giving and also what’s to come in two weeks from now.

Candice Wu 19:43

And right now, I want to talk about the developmental experience of taking and a lot of people say, you need to give and take or there’s a give and take, and what my teacher in Family Constellations, Suzi Tucker says: “it is take then give”, that taking comes before giving.

Candice Wu 20:10

So my interpretation and my understanding of that is that developmentally we need to take and receive in order to be able to turn around towards others and give. So let’s break that down a little more specifically, that taking what we need, means taking love, it means taking food and nourishment, reaching out for support, reaching out in something, someone being there to receive us. We cannot truly give before we take because there might not be much to give if we don’t have what we need inside.

Candice Wu 21:08

Somehow as children, we tend to be able to give, even if it seems like we have not received what we needed. Perhaps, we did receive something and we’re just not aware of it or from farther back where we have some capacity on us. Or, it’s just clear that we are giving without having received what we need, and there’s a price to pay for that.

Candice Wu 21:42

So I’m specifically talking about when we’re young, that it’s developmentally necessary to be supported in what we need. We need a sense of safety, we need food, we need touch. We need love and attunement, and attention. We need someone to reflect who we are and what we’re feeling, what we’re experiencing. We need someone to protect us, we need the support of a regulated nervous system that gives us the ability to build a nervous system that feels safe. We need to feel that we belong and have a place.

Candice Wu 22:30

And so when we’re young, we need to be able to take what we need. And taking is more active than receiving, we absolutely need to receive. So if our parents give us something to hold out our hands and let that come into our hands, or the ability to let someone’s attention towards us come into our hearts and bodies. And of course, if that wasn’t there for you, then there may be all sorts of disruptions or even an experience of trauma because of it. But we also need to be able to take.

Candice Wu 23:15

So if you think of a baby breastfeeding, the baby needs to be able to suck in order to eat and receive the milk. We need to be able to ask for what we want and take it. We need to be able to just be that spunky child that grabs what they need, because we need to know what we need and that it’s available for us to have. We need to be able to feel allowed to ask for things and assert those things that we need, what we want, and we need the permission from others to take what we need to have what we need the right to take. It is a right and it’s more assertive and active than receiving, even though receiving is also a very important essential aspect.

Candice Wu 24:15

So when we talk about taking, I don’t mean taking what’s not yours or taking more than you need that’s coming from lack. It’s really about the sense of abundance and that there’s a right to take what is yours, what you need, and what you desire from a place of that capacity to receive and have. If we had the right to take what we needed, would we need to take more than that? Maybe not.

Candice Wu 24:55

If we felt trusting that we could take what we needed, we could have it, then we might have a different way of being in the world and with each other. Sometimes we take from others if we think we can’t have it or can’t create it for ourselves, maybe that comes from jealousy or a place that we weren’t able to take and receive in our lives. Again, that’s a sense of scarcity or lack. But also coming from a real experience perhaps, of not having what you needed when you needed it, not being able to take and reach out.

Candice Wu 25:38

So, when I was younger, I stole things, like, I stole clothing, I stole lip gloss, and I look back upon that and see that I, perhaps was trying to fill the gap of what I needed where I could, sadly and close would never really fulfill the nourishment and the love and the safety and belonging that I actually needed. And so I had to take what was not mine and I couldn’t. I felt like I couldn’t take love and safety because it wasn’t there in the way that I needed it. So we might displace our needs, our basic needs of taking what we need and take beyond more than that.

Candice Wu 26:31

So I do wonder if this is the root of greed. Feeling like we can’t really have or take what we need, what we truly need, and then finding ways to replace it, that really don’t satisfy or quench that need but become a vacuum and insatiable, unfulfillable.

Candice Wu 27:00

And when we talk about taking, I don’t mean stealing, as well. And I don’t mean when it relates to someone else sexually, like taking what you want in terms of someone’s body or their energy because that’s also not yours to take and consent is an essential part of that process and another conversation in itself.

Candice Wu 27:27

So I want to pause a little bit in this conversation because it’s been a bit amorphous for me to talk about taking the development of taking, what taking refers to and I want to just allow a space and moment to check-in, for you to check-in with yourself if you desire about what your relationship with taking is.

Candice Wu 27:53

Do you allow yourself to take in general, to take what you need to take what you want? If you reach out to take, do you expect it to be there? Or, do you feel you can’t take what you need? Can’t have what you need or get what you need. Do you take more or too much? And is that just your perception that it’s too much or is it truly more than you need? For example, me stealing or hoarding or crossing boundaries and taking what’s not yours, are you taking more than your share? Because that can come from that same energy of lack or scarcity or some wound where you needed something and it wasn’t there for you. And if there is a kind of taking that is more than what you essentially need. Is there a place that you weren’t fulfilled in your needs?

Candice Wu 29:22

And as we go a little deeper here with more questions to ask yourself, what is your impression of your young life? And if you were able to reach out and take. If what you needed to take was there and available, was it abundant or was it scarce? And what comes up for you in terms of your images or sensations or feelings when we talk about taking and taking what you need?

Candice Wu 30:12

When I’ve worked with this, I had an impression of what it was like for me when I was in utero. It’s in ourselves and in our bones, the impression of whether or not we could take what we needed. We could have it, that could relate to our young life. It could relate to past life experiences or the sense of how it is in our lineage and ancestry, in our family systems in the world.

Candice Wu 30:53

So let’s switch gears here for a moment. If you need a little more time with those questions, feel free to rewind and repeat them or take a break here and pause. These are deep questions and they may not be answerable at the moment but something you take with you if they’re interesting or you’re curious.

Candice Wu 31:12

But now I want to take a moment to talk about our place in the world. And I will reference my teacher Suzi Tucker again, she says that the right place is always taken, and that can mean a million things.

Candice Wu 31:33

She says the right place is always taken not given and what I understand that to mean is that when we come into this life, there’s this way that we unconsciously sense that we need to be in a place, a literal position to our parents or others in our lineage that we stand in and that typically isn’t our place. It typically isn’t the place of a child to these parents, able to receive all they’re giving us and move forward in life as an adult. It typically is that we’re standing as a parent to someone else, or standing next to someone who’s dead. Because that experience hasn’t been integrated in the family system or nobody wants to look and so that place that we’re given, isn’t really the right one.

Candice Wu 32:34

And when we look at scarcity or lack, if we’re in a place that is not ours, there is nothing there for us that is truly ours, it’s not our right place. It’s not where we belong and it’s not where we can receive all the love and support that we need because it’s out of order.

Candice Wu 32:56

And in Family Constellations Work, we see this very dimensionally and literally, with people’s bodies representing the people in your lineage and where you’re standing, given the dynamics that are unconscious and what you were given in your life. And we look to where your places and what’s needed to support the shift of coming back to where your place is, and your place, the most simple truth is that your places as child to these parents, whether that’s mother and mother, mother and father, father and father, whoever, or however they describe themselves and it is only from that place that you’re able to receive the love that is for you, the belonging that is yours.

Candice Wu 33:56

The gifts in the lineage that are sending their way down, flowing their way down to you the life force that gives you and animates your expression in life, and allows you to turn around full, and with all of these gifts and strength, and support and love, to look towards your life with momentum and movement forward, that’s your place.

Candice Wu 34:26

And that right place is always taken, because we’re always, almost always, I’ve never seen differently, given a place that’s not ours. And so when we take our rightful place, it is us coming as adults to say, this is my place and this was my place as a child, and to recover all of what is there for us to receive and take what is all there for us. So that we can move forward in life and we can give. We can be, we can live, we can experience with fullness and ease, and it doesn’t feel restricted by the fact that part of our capacity, our energy, and our awareness is somewhere else in a different spot but more of us is here.

Candice Wu 35:24

And the interesting thing is we often don’t take our place because we feel we need to be there for someone else or protect someone else or, we can’t get what we need in our true place and we must come to find what it is that would truly be there if we did take our place.

Candice Wu 35:48

We see this also with leaders. If they don’t take up that leadership role, are they going to be able to do it wholeheartedly, like if others push them into that role, and there’s a part of them that doesn’t truly want it?

Candice Wu 36:04

Taking our place might mean taking up our alignment with who we truly are, who we really are, and what that means. And sometimes that’s scary, to be our full and whole selves when we’ve had experiences or messages that tell us, we’re too much or we shouldn’t be ourselves, we shouldn’t have what we want or do or be the thing that we are, the way that we are when there’s a judgment towards us.

Candice Wu 36:43

And so it’s hard to take our place sometimes, but isn’t that what we’re here to do? And what if everyone did that, lived in the truth of who we are, and expressed it just as we are and if we allow each other to do that and honored each other for it.

Candice Wu 37:04

And I do believe we have that chance right now as a collective to begin and continue for many doing that, seeing yourself as you are more and more, seeing others when they express themselves, taking our own place, taking up the love that we are, taking up the beauty and the gifts that we are and allowing them to express in a way that is right for us. There are belief sets and messages that we get, as I said that stop us from taking our place or taking what we need, taking in general, if we go back to this more general topic of taking, taking what you desire.

Candice Wu 37:58

For me, I’ve had messages of, I’m selfish, I shouldn’t take what I need. I shouldn’t take what I want, that I have to give to others before taking what I need. I have to be selfless and not concerned with myself at all, that it’s cruel to take what I need or others won’t have what they need if I take it. And that refers again, in my opinion, to lack taking more than you need. But this is all relative, isn’t it? What’s needed and what’s not and who decides that? Only you decide what you need.

Candice Wu 38:42

And if you’re truly in connection with your deeper self, your inner self, then what you need is what you need period. And you can come to find more and more layers of why you need what you need or why you desire what you desire. And yet, do you feel worthy of taking your place, taking what you need and what you desire or taking what’s yours. You have a place in this world, that’s a given because you’re here. So if you have a place, there’s all sorts of abundance that is yours. It’s yours. It’s nobody else’s, it’s here for you, and there’s space for you to have what you need and what you desire. And when we truly feel and believe that that’s true and live that, it’s my sense that what we have then becomes enough and we may not need or want, as much as we might have in the past or think we do.

Candice Wu 40:11

So as you take this in for you, what kinds of beliefs come up about taking what’s needed or taking your place and what you desire? Are you allowed to? Can you?

Candice Wu 40:28

And what are the possibilities for you if you use the energy of taking, that assertive energy that allows you to have what you need? The baby that just sucks on mom’s breast and just takes the food they need, because it’s there.

Candice Wu 40:49

Where in your life is this energy needed or can be utilized to bring you more in yourself and to bring a sense of wholeness to yourself and congruence?

Candice Wu 41:10

So as we conclude today’s episode, I plan on taking a lot of time to myself and letting my friends and family know that I may not be as available, putting certain boundaries in place so that I’m not overextending myself this month, taking up space and letting my body unravel and unwind even more and feel safe and at ease and what do you need for yourself and what is it time for here? What if you could take what you needed and also let others do that when they need it.

Candice Wu 42:05

So thanks for joining me today and next week we will be talking about receiving and what may block receiving, what gets tied up in receiving. It’s balanced with giving and how we can be in a more receptive mode so that we can receive more of what’s here for us.

Candice Wu 42:34

Thanks so much for joining me today and if you want to be on my newsletter, I’ve decided to take more time in between newsletters, so it’s coming out generally every three weeks now.

Candice Wu 42:46

And the newsletter comes out with updates about me, the podcast events and retreats that are coming up, and self-love notes. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 43:01

It’s always wonderful to have you here and I’m so grateful for your support. If these podcasts touch you or support you in any way, and you’d like to give back or send some gratitude to me or support the podcast, you can do so at CandiceWu.com/support by offering a one-time contribution, or subscribe to a monthly contribution that just continues on an ongoing basis. And at that website too, you can find all sorts of options for you to receive something in return for your contribution like personal meditations, or you can be part of the Embodied group healing call that happens once a month and even the one on one retreats and personal sessions and other experiences that I offer. All of that goes to support the podcast which offers free meditations and experiences here.

Candice Wu 43:59

You can also find the free meditations at CandiceWu.com/meditations. And there you can search for any meditation based on what you might be needing in your life right now or any topic that has been on your mind and see what there is on the podcast from me and my guests. Again, that’s at Candicewu.com/ meditations.

Candice Wu 44:25

It’s been a true pleasure to have you and I can’t believe that it’s actually been two years since I went to Chiang Mai, Thailand and that’s where the birth of the podcast happened in February, a year and about eight months ago so we’re coming up on two years of podcast, crazy!

Candice Wu 44:50

Well, everyone, take care and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.