Happening
[Spoken Word for a Dreamer] By Candice Wu
2.2.21

Why give me the signs, if they do not represent what is to come?
Universe, I ask
The Catalyst
The task

This task of believing in something I don’t see
Is making B e a u t y out of me
I’m watching it unfold
This whole world inside, It flows, the scary, the old…
Exhilarating
An unknown ride
When and where will it show outside?

You tell me to suspend logic
To trust, to live what’s not seen in front of my eyes
The tears, they stream, the dream in the proportionate size
Of uncertainty, fear, I realize

It is all washing out of my heart, my stomach, my cells
For magic is something I believe in, I think.

When can I touch it? Taste it?
The impossible is what I offer myself up in
But in the end it’s me, who I am challenged to stand behind
To hold

Beyond the yearning that is undeniable, aching, unstoppable
I am what’s happening

With the vision that must B E seen
The Eternal Being
For I AM the Dream

Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is about being in ease, doing what feels good, and being in your true flow in harmony with yourself and also aligning to pleasure as the key to Prajna, complete action.

Candice Wu 0:22
Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57
Before we jump in today, I want to mention a really special interview that I'm going to be on, called In Response: Interviews with Intriguing Internalizers by Mia Park. Mia Park was one of the guests on the Embody Podcast and also an old friend from our Yoga training together, advanced Yoga training. And, she's doing thoughtful interviews with all sorts of people all around the world most they're her friends and delighted to be on the show.

Candice Wu 1:29
If you want to tune into how I've been experiencing the outer world, especially during this time, internalizers, according to Mia are thoughtful, creative, sensitive spirits who internally process life in rich and unique ways. And these interviews are live-streamed on her Facebook and YouTube accounts. And so you can tune in and ask me some questions if you want during it live and hear a little more in-depth about what's been happening with me and how I've been internalizing and they just say everything.

Candice Wu 2:04
You can find the info linked to the show notes here and also there will be a short link that's at [CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview](https://CandiceWu.com/Miaparkinterview). The live interview is going to be taking place on May 30th, Saturday at 12 pm Chicago time at Central Time, USA, May 30th. So hope to see some of you tuning in that would be so fun to see you out there alongside us.

Candice Wu 2:37
This episode is sponsored by the Embodied Healing group that happens monthly. Join me and one or two others for a group healing experience that supports you in feeling more present in your being, more capacity to meet yourself in your daily experience, and build the tools to navigate whatever it is you're going through that come from Somatic Experiencing, Family Constellations, an integrative blend of all sorts of indigenous and Embodied Healing practices. You can find that along with all of the other offerings at [CandiceWu.com/offerings](https://CandiceWu.com/offerings).

Candice Wu 3:16
Over the years, I've found that it has taken actual practice to do what feels good, to do what feels easeful, you'd think it would just come easy, not for me, and it seems like not for most people. But luckily, it does come easier and easier. And this is really working on our state of being, being in joy and doing what satisfies us on a deep level.

Candice Wu 3:45
I want to give a shout out to a listener, Jean, who really is interested in this topic of Prajna, complete action and has also encouraged me to talk about it more on the podcast.

Candice Wu 4:00
I love the concept of Prajna. And it's something that I've worked with, to be more in line with overall the years of my life. It's doing what feels so complete in the moment because you're clear in your intention, you're really connected with why you're doing something, and in an easeful, natural, organic way, so you know why you're doing something, and when you do it, it's satisfying already in the act of doing it. It is already complete in the act of doing it because you don't expect anything further from it. But, when we're so intentional, complete, and that intention comes from a very true place and is aligned with who we are, aligned with our deepest values and the moment, what wants to particularly come through us in this existence, then we have typically some really beautiful gifts that come from it. Beautiful outcomes, beautiful returns, or abundance that just come full circle. Because it already is a circle in itself. It's complete. It's an integrated action that doesn't ask for more.

Candice Wu 5:33
And in so doing, it's so whole that abundance and beautiful things just want to follow. And it is like a gift from the universe, from life itself, to receive what comes your way after something. And it's so nice because you don't truly expect it and it's almost you're coming from a neutral place where you don't push or pull in one direction or the other, where it's okay if you didn't get what came to you. And it's just delightful that it did come.

Candice Wu 6:11
I just finished reading Tosha Silver's book, It's not your money. And in that book, there was this lovely quote that relates to this and I'll read it too. “Ironically, when you let the divine take the lead, old desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave.”

Candice Wu 6:40
So you may have wanted something in the past, old desires, but when you let divine take the lead, she says all desires often begin to hatch and be fulfilled anyway. So the things that you probably wanted, will likely come and she says as a gift from love herself, except now you're not their slave. You're not beholden to these things that you expect and tied to them, tethered to them, and living out of this need for them.

Candice Wu 7:15
And I love the word, “their slave” because that really gives that punch in the gut feeling of how we are bound to certain outcomes and they really enslave us.

Candice Wu 7:28
So with action that is complete in the moment that is so pleasurable or delightful or so in line with what you believe in, and you are doing it because you believe in that. And it doesn't have to be some giant thing. It could just be because it's pleasurable, and you're worthy of it, and it's enjoyable and you love doing it, then you really are in a state of being in freedom, and delight and joy. And from there all possibilities of more freedom and abundance can flow, you're in a flow.

Candice Wu 8:10
If you've been following the podcast, you know, I've been talking about having this identity crisis with the podcasts like, what's this going to become? I need a break. I don't know what to do with this. Something doesn't feel right. And you know, what's been happening is that if I feel inspired, I just talk and do something on the podcast. And if I don't, I just wait and possibly do a rerun episode right now.

Candice Wu 8:38
I'm just letting the flow of whatever feels interesting to me come through. And that connects right with that topic of Prajna, complete action and doing what feels pleasurable. So I realized that I don't have to figure out what this podcast is about. I mean, it's about embodiment. Of course. It's about loving yourself. It's about deepening in your presence of who you are. That's all really the same. But I don't know, I thought there was some sort of format that was going to shift or come through. And it actually has, some of these episodes are shorter and some of these episodes just go straight to an experiential instead of having like, many connected to them, which I was doing in the past.

Candice Wu 9:24
I had that astrology reading recently from Elena S. — instagram.com/hiddengiftastrology, and she's amazing. So right on.

Candice Wu 9:34
And in that last reading, as I mentioned, maybe a handful of episodes ago. She said you will be going through a shift in who you are in the public and in your relationships. And so naturally, that's all happening. It was happening even before she had told me that, and with this podcast as well. And I realize, you know, this identity crisis is really about me, it's really about what's changing and breaking down in me.

Candice Wu 10:10
The other day, it felt like there was an earthquake rippling through my body, like breaking my body in half. Luckily, I have enough capacity to be with myself through that experience now, and I had a lovely, loved one that was with me on the phone and just being present with me. That felt so helpful. But there's this dismantling happening on the inside and I imagine a lot of you are going through that too, like, what's breaking down inside of you? What's been here for some time and wanting to make its way through so that you can be more you and you don't have to define that.

Candice Wu 10:58
So what I realized, long story short is what I realized is that you don't have to make some giant proclamation of who you are. It doesn't have to be like a coming-out necessarily, or some structured form that you define and declare, although structure can be wonderful in certain occasions when it's helpful? But maybe your way now is to not be so structured or certain but to allow things in their raw form, in there maybe quivery, wobbly, revealing, and emerging state come through.

Candice Wu 11:41
It's precisely for that reason that I love watching horses that have just been birthed, babies, fowls start to learn they have legs and slowly find a little bit of balance, like super wobbly balance with them, fall over, maybe take one little step, and then just wipe out. I love watching it. Because it's so sweet. It's so natural. It's what we're here to do. Be in ourselves totally, exploring, coming into this moment, and just being with the moment, however, it is in its newness and its uncertainty, in its development and allowing that to take its shape as it goes along.

Candice Wu 12:33
Luckily, I am still near the ocean and I think it's really helping me because I have been in surrender mode and just flowing with where things take me and definitely feeling the waves of intensity, forward and back. But what I'm finding is this process of surrender and tuning into what's pleasurable and joyful and allowing that to take the lead, gets us to what we're uniquely here to do, and to experience. There's this unlearning, unconditioning, unknowing, and undoing of layers of beliefs and messaging and shoulds.

Candice Wu 13:26
And in this time of Coronavirus 19, we get to see the outpouring of our lives as they have been untouched in its full momentum for many years. Now we have had this giant shift. I guess I wouldn't say break because for some it's not a break, but very intense contrast to what our lives have been for most of us, and we get to see what we created unintentionally and intentionally.

Candice Wu 14:00
And it's not to say that things are your fault, or if you got sick, it's your fault, or if someone is experiencing real hardship, it's their fault. It's not that at all. It's just that what is it that you're here to learn, do, and be? And what is this particular time showing you? What the body knows through our lineages creation is also here. Meaning, what is the action over time of things that are through the ancestry. Things that are unintegrated and integrated. What is the knowing that's passed down through generations, and what needs to be looked at so that it completes itself? We get to see what we're attached to or dependent on, what we're drawn to, what we feel we need.

Candice Wu 15:00
And then we get to go to the deeper layers of meeting ourselves, seeing where all that came from, and being with ourselves in those emotions.

Candice Wu 15:12
Of course, you might as well you know, you might also just be watching Netflix and eating and just trying to get through it, so this may not be an incredibly healing time, like a time you focus on going deeper, but it may just be getting through it. And that's okay too.

Candice Wu 15:31
So just going back to the old ways, part of the old ways for me is to plan a form of something, creating a structure and, or creating some intention and moving towards that. Now, it's the softer intention of just letting pleasure lead the way and pleasure in all forms. Sometimes that's just a momentary sensory experience that I get to enjoy and savor. And to let that be the front of your experience can really change your life. It changed mine, at least, when I first began doing that, I was like, wow, I can savor a good experience. But there are so many problems to look at. There are so many things to solve. And just going direct, going directly to the joy, going directly to pleasure, and having it, you're worthy of it. You're here for it, you exist for it.

Candice Wu 16:30
And just think if everyone on the planet did that right now, chose something that felt pleasurable, and even if your experience isn't pleasurable, you don't have access to something, to look at something pleasurable around you, to tune into a color that's around you that's pleasurable or a plant or some part of nature, an object in your space or even touching your body in a soothing or comforting way. We can find it everywhere.

Candice Wu 17:07
And if we all did that, this planet would be really different. If we moved towards what truly is ours, to experience here, and what we want from that deeply connected place of who we are, then this world will be really different.

Candice Wu 17:32
So what makes you feel alive?

Candice Wu 17:35
What makes you feel satisfied?

Candice Wu 17:38
And this is not going to be a similar answer to anyone else. But where do you flourish?

Candice Wu 17:47
And inevitably, when you flourish, when you choose pleasure and joy when you choose what's in line for you, that raises your vibration and if you don't like those words, that expands you, that brings you to a fullness, that is the action that is complete because you chose, it's already pleasurable. You don't have to expect more from it, then that gives a lot to people, that gives people the ability to see, wow, I can choose that for myself too, maybe I'll want to join in that peaceful, joyful, delightful place. It empowers people when you empower yourself that way.

Candice Wu 18:35
So I want to go back to Prajna for a moment because what we're really talking about here is a state of being and with action that is complete in itself in the moment. It's really about the state of being we're in and if that's who you want to be.

Candice Wu 18:56
For a long time in my life, I felt kind of whiplashed and pushed and pulled around by the experiences that would happen outside of me. And I can still get triggered, of course. I can still feel activated inside by something outside and I learned from it. But I see it all very differently now where the experiences outside of me are that chance to get to know something deeper about me, and to grow in my own empowerment, and wholeness.

Candice Wu 19:32
And before it was like, wanting to control what's outside of me. And from that place, I could see this concept of our state of being playing out. I wasn't really working with my state of being. I was coming from a place of doing than having and then being, and that place is the power outside of us.

Candice Wu 20:00
So if I do X, Y, and Z, then I'll have X, Y, and Z. And I will be happy or I will be at peace. So peace came last, joy came last, in that train of events.

Candice Wu 20:19
And so you can see how, that's not quite a complete action because when we do something, to get something else, to feel something, then we rely and depend on all these outer forces to give us some sort of fulfillment or meaning, some feeling or some — we want it to amount to something. And then we feel satisfied. And so you're really subject to the outer world.

Candice Wu 20:51
Whereas, coming from a state of being where you be, do, and then have as a natural outcome of your state of being, this is where we are abundantly connected with ourselves, feel the power from within, to choose our state of being, to take care of ourselves, if that's not the state of being we're in, to integrate fully all the parts of who we are and acting from that place of our state of being who we want to be. But not just mentally defining it being in that state of being.

Candice Wu 21:38
So, if you want to be in peace, or if you want to vibrate on the level of contentment or joy or being at ease in yourself, being in trust, whatever it is, it's connecting with how that feels in your body and connecting with the energy state in your body that goes with it. And feeling that openness where as much of you is on board with that resonance as possible.

Candice Wu 22:17
When I act from this place, I feel deeply satisfied and like, there's nothing more that needs to happen than what just happened and I feel really in the experience. Whether that's feeling anxious in it or joyful in it, doesn't matter. It's just being really in it for what it is, for the sake of being and doing in that experience alone.

Candice Wu 22:48
And then in the aftermath, what pours out of it, I feel mostly neutral about except there is delight, but there's like a grounded delight. There's perhaps even excitement and enjoyment of the fruits of that. And if it's not something fruitful, if it turns out to be some criticism I receive or a dud of an experience, it doesn't feel as disappointing because of that deeper neutrality and equanimity.

Candice Wu 23:22
And when it does feel more intense or activating, where it feels like an intense high or something or a real low, it shows me the hidden parts, the unconscious parts of what I may have been expecting or wanting out of it. Where there's some part of me dependent on an outer source of validation or an outer source to arrive to me. Giving me something that I wanted and I get to see what that is.

Candice Wu 24:06
So the key to all of this, in my opinion, is connecting with pleasure. And as I mentioned, it's simple pleasures and also deeper, more meaningful pleasures.

Candice Wu 24:16
If you're already attuned to pleasure, then it's simple. It's easy to just allow your body to follow it, just like an animal in the wild, knows exactly what feels good. They don't have to think about it. They just do and be and are with themselves in nature, going about their way naturally. And when they're hungry, they go for it. When they're restful and enjoying, they're doing it, they're not thinking about doing something else. It's easy. And so their body is naturally attuned for that.

Candice Wu 24:54
And for us, if we've been attuned to constantly focusing on challenges, hardships, if we've had a lot of trauma, if you've been conditioned to believe that you're not worthy of pleasure or joy, or contentment or peace, or having that has come with danger, then our body protects and says, No, I can't have that. It would be scary to have that.

Candice Wu 25:24
So just respect if that's what your body is going through, and to work with, however, your body is experiencing, diving into pleasure and enjoyment, working with perhaps if your body is overwhelmed, but if your body is overwhelmed, tuning into pleasure can also help it. And just know that if there is a lot of overwhelm in your body that if you tune into pleasure and feel it in your body, it can easily swing back to uncomfortable feelings.

Candice Wu 26:01
In Somatic Experiencing, Peter Levine calls that going into the healing vortex is feeling pleasure or contentment, or feeling “good” feelings. And that will pendulate to the trauma vortex, will pendulate to the things that are uncomfortable.

Candice Wu 26:23
And the way I understand that is that our capacity wants to grow as a whole. So when you feel more expansion and pleasure, you're going to expand in your ability to feel all uncomfortable things too. And those things may surface making more room for pleasure. Or, just poke their heads up and say, Yeah, we want attention too. But you can start with just feeling what's pleasurable in the moment, finding it in your day to day and as you find it and identify it, feel it in your body. Enjoy what's happening. Savor it truly and be present with it. Let your experience be so full that you get lost it.

Candice Wu 27:19
And if being in pleasure, is hard for you, just do it a little at a time, a couple of breaths. If your capacity for feeling pleasure and all sorts of experience, unpleasant as well is very large, then the invitation to dive in deeper and more often is here for you.

Candice Wu 27:43
So… find the sweetness in the day. And if it's possible, create it or move towards it. Feel what your body wants, what it would enjoy, what brings it joy, what lights it up?

Candice Wu 28:02
And to tune into how your body feels when it feels joy, where you feel that joy, how you know that that is joy is a bit of practice. So, take some time for that.

Candice Wu 28:17
Where in my body do I feel joy?

Candice Wu 28:22
How do I know that something feels pleasurable to me?

Candice Wu 28:25
And how can I feel that and can I be with it?

Candice Wu 28:32
Let your mental processing or rationality just step to the side a little bit to make room for what your body knows is deeply enjoyable.

Candice Wu 28:46
And it can be sex, it can be sensuality. It can be whatever is kinky or fun.

Candice Wu 28:55
It also can be what gives your heart satisfaction and meaning. Or, wherever the energy is that just drives you and gives you aliveness.

Candice Wu 29:12
I'll just give you two quick examples of when this happened for me, and it almost like, I didn't even need to think about it. But I've also practiced a lot and not thinking too much, but just following what my body wants is when, recently, in the process of me working on an outline for a book, someone suggested to read other books that are in that same genre and area.

Candice Wu 29:42
And my thought was, I don't want to read. This is so exhausting. Like, I just don't have any room for that right now. And then a friend sent Tosha Silver's book to me, It's not your money, and I just was like, Hmm, this is interesting. And I began to read it. And by the next day and a half, I was done reading it. Yeah, I was just so energized by it, I just kept going. I followed it. And luckily, I had space in my day to do so. And my life supports that. And I've created a life that does support that. So I just read that book in less than two days.

Candice Wu 30:26
And another example is when I really wanted to get a car, just last year. I wanted to get a car that I could camp in and I wanted to create this back area of a camper that I could sleep in. I was super excited about it. I went into full-blown woodworking mode and was constructing these boards for the bottom, the base, and looking into like foam mattresses and all these little like, screens, and things I would need to sustain myself outside in nature, in this car.

Candice Wu 31:06
And I remember my mom asking me, where are you going to camp? What are you going to do once this is done?

Candice Wu 31:12
And literally, I was like, I don't know. I just know I need to do this, like, this just feels so important than good. It was just so satisfying at the time. And I did go camping in it. And it was a very scary experience, actually. I talked about it on the podcast. I'll link it in the show notes if you want to hear about it. But it did lead me to a number of events, a series of important events that gave me information about past lives and helped me feel way more integrated in myself.

Candice Wu 31:47
I haven't gone camping that much after that, but I want to and of course, now that's out of the question with everything happening with the virus but these are two instances where my body just felt compelled to move and do what it wanted to do. And it felt so good. And it really didn't matter what was going to happen after that. It was a lot of fun.

Candice Wu 32:18
And even to the point of making certain stock and investment decisions with my body sense and pendulum, and just trusting the flow of things and trusting that there's something that I know more deeply inside of me that can direct what's right for me to do.

Candice Wu 32:41
And I think there are some losses that come out of that, but it's not really relevant to my concerns. It's not really that important. But I enjoy the state of being. It really works for me and I think if you would have asked me 10 years ago, if this is how I'd be, I would say, I don't think so. That's, you know, to my logical self at that time, it probably wouldn't have worked out. I don't think I would understand how that kind of life would work. But this feels much more easeful and joyful and natural. And it brings back our wild, it brings back what's innate to us, instinctual.

Candice Wu 33:29
So this is just the opening of a very big topic of pleasure as our compass and alignment. I wanted to share that with you today, along with the concept of Prajna and our state of being, guiding us in our lives and feeling flow from within us and our connection with all that is.

Candice Wu 33:53
The other thing too is that pleasure for me has grown, the more I followed pleasure, the more I've attuned to it, the more I can focus on it naturally and it's just part of my every day.

Candice Wu 34:09
Of course, there are times where things are hard and I use pleasure to bring my nervous system into more capacity. And then also on the other side of things, the things that are unpleasant, or have been in the past, have become more pleasurable.

Candice Wu 34:28
I really even enjoy feeling grief now because I get to know myself more deeply. It's like a sacred moment with myself, sadness, anger, even. Sometimes I may not like it, but when I can really be in touch with the feeling, there is some pleasure in it, and just feeling, being alive and feeling.

Candice Wu 34:51
And so with pleasure as our alignment, it also is that pleasure can encompass everything, that more and more of our experience can fall under the experience of pleasure over time as we build our capacity and pleasure is one of the ways we build our capacity. Because our nervous systems says all. There's beauty, there's safety, there's enjoyment, that must mean things are okay, that must mean, Wow. It is beautiful. There's a lot of possibility here.

Candice Wu 35:28
So, just leaving you with, where is pleasure now? And what would you do if you chose pleasure as your alignment and as your way to make decisions? How would your life change? How would this moment change if you touched into and could savor what was pleasurable right now?

Candice Wu 35:58
Wishing you all the pleasure. Wishing you presence with yourself and that you're okay in this time.

Candice Wu 36:05
And as always, if you want to reach out or share, feel free too, you can connect with me at my website candicewu.om.

Candice Wu 36:14
Thank you so much and also feel free to stay in touch if you'd like to, through my newsletter candicewu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 36:24
Thanks so much for joining me today and a little music to transition out. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
One thing that I've really enjoyed during the Coronavirus COVID–19 times is that on some of the late-night shows that are now being broadcasts from home, recorded at home, they're interviewing guests, and those people are now at home too, whereas, before they'd come into, you know, this professional production of a show, and they're like, yeah, you know, I'm really liking this at home thing. I'm not even wearing pants right now. And, or, like Stephen Colbert will be in a suit and then he shows his feet and he's not wearing any socks or shoes, cracks me up.

And I've been working online for some time now, podcasting, also seeing my clients one on one, and I don't do it with my clients, but with podcasting, sometimes I am, like, in my underwear and that feels the best for me. I've never really been naked. So that hasn't happened yet, but neither has anyone on the shows that I've seen. But seeing that has given me a whole new permission to just laugh about it and speak to it.

Great to have you here today. I just wanted to jump on to this a{Live} now episode that is also an experiential.

If you wish to experience only the experiential without this whole conversation, feel free to skip forward on your podcast app or in the show notes to the right timing, which is going to be roughly around 19 minutes in.

But first I want to talk a little bit about this program called Living Ayurveda During Crisis and Quarantine. And it's by my friends Zach Zube and Elizabeth Sullivan. It's a six-week online immersion centered around Ayurveda and Yoga. And it's rich, beautiful, community connection, and self-care practices that are seasonal and connected with your specific optimal health and wellness. That includes recipes, daily routines, prompts for your own self-study, and invitations for different types of movement and meditation. And there's a forum that's members-only, recordings of live videos, bonus materials.

While I haven't taken this program myself, I have really enjoyed Zach's programs, classes, as well as his products at Element Self-Care. I've often ordered those products for my guests at the retreats, the live retreats that I've offered, and people have really enjoyed them.

You can save $30 off your registration with this specific discount code that's for Embody Your Nature, The Embody Podcast, the code is LIVINGAYURVEDAEYN. And that code is also in the show notes LIVINGAYURVEDAEYN, you can find the full program at www.elementselfcare.com/living-ayurveda.

So, when you use that code to register, you'll get $30 off and the podcast gets money. And all that money goes straight to support this podcast, the production, and the back end of everything. If you don't have the funds for the full program, you can talk with Zach and Elizabeth and they'll negotiate a cost for you that works for you. And I love that they're offering that, so it sounds like a lovely program. Check it out. And these are tools that you can take with you the rest of your life and transform yourself and align more deeply with yourself and be in your body feeling good and in your optimal health.

This is Episode 117 of the podcast so you can find all those details also at CandiceWu.com/ep117

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

While I was swimming today, I was reminded of this space of moving without seeing and moving without thinking, just being in the water, using my body to guide me and feel the senses, feel into my experience. And it just so happened that I was belaboring a decision. I was thinking, what should I do with this? Should I say yes or no?

And while I was swimming, I remembered that, oh, I have the tool of my intuition. I have the tool of my senses, my body, and that's actually the way I've been making a lot of my decisions lately. And sometimes we have these tools, but we forget to use them in certain instances in our lives or certain arenas or pockets of our life.

So, I remembered that I could just feel into this without needing to look at the pros and cons or really think about it too much. And it led me to this conversation that I want to bring today, which is how do we really develop our inner sense and knowing, especially if you have trauma.

Sometimes, when there are pieces of trauma living in your energy system, in your body, you don't always feel like you can trust the inner messages that you're getting. So if you even sense, is this right for me? Is this aligned? Your body might feel like oh, gosh, no. But maybe it's the thing that is your growth area. For example, sometimes when people receive good things or good things happen, “good things”, right, things that are desirable, there can be this clenching around it like, oh, no, because the body protects and says, something about that has been dangerous before. Whether I know what it is or not, something about that has been dangerous so I'm not sure if I can receive it fully. And so you get this mixed message. In a sense, some part of you knows that, well, that's a good thing, or I want that. And another part of you says, — and shuts down.

I have found that through healing trauma, through healing these little bits and pieces and the big bits and pieces, there has been a clearer and clearer response system and connection between me and my body, me and my intuition, me and my knowing from all directions. There's less static, there's less clutter or garbage, so to say, and I don't say garbage in a bad way, it's just that some things need to go or some things are just kind of sitting there rotting.

So you might just take a moment and assess where you're at with it. It's not to say that you have to be totally clear of all your trauma to be in connection with yourself. It really feels like it's about knowing where you are right now. Knowing how your body's responding to certain kinds of experiences, and trusting where you are right now, and then allowing it to evolve and change.

So if you know you can't trust yourself, like, trust the feeling of tension that says, no, when a certain kind of experience happens for you, that may be an area for you if you want to heal or to slowly take a dose at a time and move through. It's not necessary to override it all and just blast your system and your nervous system so you don't even feel anything or you feel overwhelmed or anxious. But to work with it a little bit at a time, can you receive a little more? Or, can you face that experience a little more?

And, you know, when it's a very reactive response, that there's something that's activating your nervous system, whether that active response is one that's pleasant or unpleasant. Like, if you get really excited, and it's so exciting and it's intense, there may be something in there that's related to something that is unintegrated from the past or from your ancestry or past life, that draws you into the situation.

And not to say that it's a bad thing, but when I found that it's a very intense feeling, it's almost like addictive, a high, that there tends to be some opposing experience to that, that connects with that situation, for example, like being in a relationship, and suddenly it feels intensely amazing. It usually shows its shadow side somewhere, some time. Or, it has a cost or price to pay somewhere.

So, when it's a little less intense, when it feels like it's almost neutral in your body, it's not as charged. But there is a clear yes or clear no or yum or yuck as some people say. And just to be clear that usually when my body says, maybe, or when my sense says, maybe, it tends to be really actually, no, it's not a Yes. It's not an obvious Yes.

So if your Yes and No system in your body is not fully clear, or it has pockets of like, uncertainty or it doesn't quite make sense, then those are the areas that you work with. But just wherever you're at with your level of clarity and capacity for all experience, that's how you can tell whether you might be able to trust that feeling or not and where that feeling is coming from.

I did an episode early on about intuition, as well as working with the parts of you that come up and you can find that at CandiceWu.com/intuition. Knowing what to trust and developing and cultivating that inner trust.

So we want to support our communication system inside with more clarity and receive the knowing and information that we deeply already have with clarity. And I like to call that, vibrational clarity, like being in alignment with your specific vibration, your vibration that is your coding, not the vibration of trauma, not the vibration of the layers of karma, soul history, but the source of you that's clear of all those things.

And we just allow that to be to the degree that that's possible without pressure for more, with a total agreement, and being loving and gentle to yourself that this is where you are and that is exactly right, and it gives you the pathway to the next step to what wants to be healed or seen eventually or when you're ready to have even more vibrational clarity, more space between you and the present moment. But at the same time, being so, in the present moment, that there isn't static between you and it.

When I talk about inner trust, trusting yourself, trusting your intuition, or just surrendering to the knowing that is there, I've often played with it for myself and invite people to do that. Just see, you know, using decisions that aren't giant. Just see what your inner intuition says. What your body says about that choice or the thing that you're looking at, and then just follow it. Let that be an active creative process and experimentation that if you follow it, see what happens. And what if you were to follow all of those senses? What would life be like and what happens?

When I'm swimming in a pool, and even when I did today, I definitely hit the wall like, I was not looking. I was not using goggles. I was swimming with just my sense of where I am spatially, proprioceptively, and then my arm hits the wall and then I just adjust a little bit.

So if you trust yourself and go with your instincts, you might hit a wall, but there's also in me that the trust that I can adjust and learn from it or I can be okay with what just happened. It's okay. It's not devastating. There are some things that are devastating but this one isn't.

So inner trust is also, can we trust ourselves with the outpouring of what happens? Can we know that we can handle it? And if we can't, then, how do we build that? How do we build our strength? How do we build safety in our bodies?

There are a bunch of ways that I'm not going to get into today. But you can find them all sprinkled throughout the podcast.

So, can we trust ourselves?

When I talk about this with others, I get sometimes fears coming up for people. Well, if I trust myself, what happens if I just gratify all my desires? Because my body says, Yes and that's not okay or what happens if it doesn't go well.

And so, whatever your resistances are, or responses to what happens if you just trust yourself, those may be your fears. And when we move through those fears, forgive ourselves for those beliefs that come with it, or feel into those fears and witness the experience, allow that to integrate, allow our capacity to be greater, and those fears absolve, then you have yourself a little more trust in your being.

And from where you stand now, if you do have some of those fears, it may be hard to believe that those things would not be a problem once you actually do trust yourself and those fears themselves, those fears don't exist within a deeper sense of trust. They just actually become irrelevant. They're not within that paradigm.

And of course, we dip into trust and out of it, even if you develop a strong sense of trust, you can be dipping in and out of it. This is the stuff of our process. This is the stuff of our lives, that we move through and find those places.

So I've talked a lot and I said that this was an experiential, it's going to be a brief one, and one that just gives you an initiation into a process and it comes from Family Constellations, Systemic Constellations, as well as combined with Somatic Experiencing and just being in the body.

For this experience, you'll need three pieces of paper and something to write with, and a little bit of space in front of you that you can walk and move around.

If you need to pause the podcast and get those materials, feel free to do that now. And when you're back and ready, we'll begin.

So I invite you to move your body, shake or wiggle, stretch. Or, if you just need stillness, go ahead and be still.

Notice how your body is today and now.

Allow yourself to be curious about the unknown spaces of your body.

And, to the degree that it's possible, invite your mind to rest.

You can even imagine placing the mental activity over to a counter or shelf next to you, or just over to the side and let your heart and your body come forward and take the lead.

And that is tuning into sensations, images, emotions, movements, energies.

So when you're ready, take one of the pieces of paper and write on that one piece of paper, something that you know is aligned with you or pleasurable, brings you a good feeling, and doesn't have a conflict with it. So, something that is very obvious and clear that it's just good for you, aligned, that you choose and you say Yes to. Just write what that is on the paper.

And on the second piece of paper, let something come forward that is undecided. And let one of the choices of that decision be on this piece of paper.

And so, if you're deciding between Yes or No, Yes to X, Y, and Z, or No, write the Yes or the No here, or if it's a specific thing, write what it is that is up in the air for you.

And on the third piece of paper, write a different response to the same situation. It could be the opposite, it could be just something different or a slight adjustment.

So this is a Mini Blind Constellation, blind meaning you're not going to be able to tell what's on those pieces of paper.

So I invite you to either flip them upside down, make sure you can't read it from the backside or fold them and scramble them so you don't know which is which. Then, when you're ready, place them each on the floor in a space out in front of you in different places. It doesn't matter where, just follow what feels right.

And when you're ready, just feel your body where you are now with these three pieces of paper out in front of you. Notice how you're standing, the temperature of your body, your emotions.

And I invite you to stand on top of one of these pieces of paper without needing to know what it is. Just stand there and let yourself land here in the energy of whatever this piece of paper says. Perceive everything there is to perceive about what's going on inside your body, what you sense, where you're looking, how you feel inside.

You might notice your thoughts as well and any intuitions or hits of information you're getting.

Notice if your body feels open or contracted, easeful and balanced or leaning, crouching down, follow your body. Allow the expression of whatever's here, just be known and felt. Even if it's a little whisper, just follow it.

Feel free to explore this for as long as you need to just being in it, sensing, witnessing, and you can pause the podcast if you need to.

But whenever you're ready, take a couple of breaths, step out of this place and then step into the next one, onto the second piece of paper wherever that is, and do the same thing.

Allow the feeling to arise from inside of you, whatever is here. And notice even if you feel nothing.

Notice how you're breathing as well and any information you receive, just gathering that information and data.

And then when you're ready, go to the third piece of paper, taking a couple of breaths or moving your body in between, and opening to any information that the body is telling you as you stand on that third piece of paper. And just trusting whatever is here, by listening, sensing, allowing.

And as you're ready to step out of this third piece, feel free to step back into any of the other two if you want more information or you needed more time, or you want to explore in a different way.

And when it's time, when you feel complete for now, go ahead and let what's on those pieces of paper reveal, the big reveal.

So open up those pieces of paper and see what it feels like to know now what was on those pieces of paper, compared to or letting it align with what you felt.

Let your own discernment be part of this process here of just seeing the information, being curious about how it fits together with the reality of what's on that paper.

Check to see if the pleasure piece, the thing that you don't feel conflicted about that feels good, or that you know is aligned with you, felt that way or what came up? What happens now?

Do that with each of the scenarios, the choices, without any judgment, just be with whatever observations you have of the process and your experience. Feel what you feel. Notice your reactions.

And I hope that this has given you something in terms of either confirmation or disconfirmation of what you can trust inside yourself, what you may not be able to trust at the moment or support with a decision you're making, information for you that's beyond what your mind was giving you. See if it matches or not.

This is something you can try with other things, other situations or relationships, you can do a Blind Constellation and just set up these pieces and see how your body is feeling and what it's showing you, what information you get when you let the mind be out of the picture.

And I hope this supports you in navigating what's unknown about your life, what life is moving forward in the aliveness of who you are.

Thanks so much for joining me today and I hope that the children screaming and laughing in the background didn't distract you too much and the waves of the ocean. I hope that you felt supported by these waves as I do.

And may this be another tool for you to develop and practice and see how it works for you on your journey. Thanks for joining me today and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.