Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is not just for the healers and empaths out there in the world, the therapists, helpers, counselors, wellness practitioners, doctors, firefighters, anyone who’s in a caretaking role, but it’s for everyone. In this episode, we look at empathy and where it goes wrong, from what place do we support other people or offer our help or care? Is it from a wounded place or is it from a place of wholeness and loving that goes both ways? We look at how it is that there are subtle ways that we try to save people, but that may be coming from our own fears, and how death, fear of death and fear of pain might be connected or tied up in these interactions.

Candice Wu 0:58

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 1:11

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:29

I want to give a shout out to all of you who support me and the podcast by offering your money and donation to contribute to the behind the scenes production of the podcast. Each episode takes several hours to edit and produce, to format and to publish, and also, not to mention, my own creative effort of sitting with what’s here with me receiving your feedback, receiving information from around me to create something that feels alive and vulnerable, real. So, all of your contributions and donations are so wonderful. I appreciate it so much, and it really touches me that you’re willing to offer that.

Candice Wu 2:19

If the podcast has inspired you in any way or supported you, offered you something and you want to give back, I would so appreciate if you did and checked out all of my offerings that you can receive in return or just to offer donation without anything in return. And I have a new page for all that it’s at CandiceWu.com/support, I used to use Patreon, and we’re in the process now of shifting everything over from Patreon over to my website, just so that all of your every penny can go towards the production of the podcast, and the least amount of processing fees can be taken from that.

Candice Wu 3:03

So, jump on over to CandiceWu.com/support if you’re interested in checking that out, and you can follow the links to my offerings, all of my offerings, my one on one client sessions, the Ally with Death Experience, which will soon be an audio experience as well, the Sound Sleep Album, all of my retreats and workshops, as well as the personal meditations that you can order, and the embodied group call that happens once a month, all of that is in support of the podcast and the new creations that I’m putting forward and developing. Thank you so much for considering donating, and it’s always touching to hear from you, even if it’s to share your feedback about what’s working for you and what’s not on the podcast, and the experientials with the guests or to ask questions and offer topics that you want to hear about, and by just jumping on and listening or sharing it with a friend that you feel might be supported by one of the topics or experientials. Thank you so much.

Candice Wu 4:11

So, welcome to the podcast, I’ve still been in Michigan and enjoying it so much. It’s interesting that everything in my body is calling me to stay very, very grounded. I even tried to schedule a flight to see a friend, and the internet dropped out several times. Their website wasn’t working that the flight that I wanted to get was through my rewards card in my credit card, and so, I kept trying day after day and finally, I gave up on the credit card rewards. I just thought, okay, I’ll just pay for this. And I found a flight that I had been looking at previously, and then it turned to like $500 to go from here to Milwaukee, and it was like forget it, I just take the train, which is only going to, you know, be another hour of train ride, no big deal, and it may cost me like $58 or something like that.

Candice Wu 5:09

It really wasn’t about the money. It was just clear to me though, that I was getting stopped in my efforts here several times, and I listened to those cues, whether that’s a message from the universe, or if you see it, that maybe my spirit guides were sending me a message or just something in me was really not wanting that and it was manifesting or just coincidence. Whatever it is, I like to receive that as a message that I meant to stand the ground. So, of course, I booked an Amtrak ticket, and that just went through really easily.

Candice Wu 5:48

So, I do notice that one thing was moved through easily, it’s usually the right thing with when I’m feeling at ease, when I’m feeling at peace and content, do you notice that in your experiences where are your feelings that decisions come with ease and you feel very at peace? Do you feel that way? There’s a sense in me that even when I feel a little bit of anxiety about something, I first investigate what that is, is it a fear? Or is it something in me that’s telling me, “No, it’s, you’re not really fully in this.” Lately, I’ve been almost, my body is almost demanded that I be 100% in my decisions, in how I spend my time and in what I’m doing in my life at the bottom line, and in that moment, I noticed that I chose to do something recently and it was somewhat a big commitment, and it was only like 95% in it in myself, something and he was like, “Oh, I’m not sure I want to do this.” And I ended up doing it for other reasons.

Candice Wu 7:04

There were some reasons I did want to do it, of course, but while I was experiencing it, I saw all the reasons emerge to the surface as to why I was hesitant. There was a lot in me about the situation as well as I wanted to spend a lot of alone time in doing certain things for myself, that I needed to be doing even just sitting and being present, lately, through all that’s been happening energetically and astrologically. I’ve needed a lot of time to just sit and digest all that’s happening inside and out. So, the information I’m getting right now is for me to be 100% a yes, about the things that I choose in my life. I’m noticing that when it’s a maybe or if I’m not 100%, that it’s a no until I do feel completely all in.

Candice Wu 8:14

I know there are things that I need to do that help, on some level, I don’t want to do like certain tasks. I don’t love doing administrative tasks. I don’t love doing just like the technical things anymore, as much as I used to, and yet, underneath it all, I know, I want to be doing this because that’s for the podcast or that’s for this blog post that I’m writing or the newsletter or something that really comes down to, “Oh, yes, I do want to do that.” So, if I can’t find a reason all the way down to the bottom, then maybe it’s good to just let it go.

Candice Wu 8:54

Before we jump into the episode today, I also want to update you about the past life experience that came up, that I talked about in the podcast two weeks ago. This podcast is at Candice without comm slash deep mystery. If you want to check it out, I talked about how I went camping, slept with a knife in my hands because I made some bad choices, one could say, but those choices led me to reveal a past life memory and its fullness which allowed me to heal on an even deeper level, and where I’m at now is claiming that part of me, that is me, from this past life, that has all sorts of knowing and wisdom.

Candice Wu 9:44

So, after that acupuncture appointment that I spoke about, where this whole memory revealed to me that I was Native American, and had gotten raped by a white man and that my father had to leave me to die, I went in to see what was the next step as far as this memory like, why did I need to be seeing this now and what was it that wanted to reveal itself to me, from me? And where I was led was to claim this young woman that I was, as a Native American?

Candice Wu 10:24

My body gives me confirmation when I sense into and imagine what that life was like, and then I see or think something very quickly, and the confirmation I got was that I was a young girl hitting puberty and stepping into a rite of passage moment of being a woman, and I wanted to do a ceremony that really fit who I was and I was very fierce, was like Warrier, very stubborn. I wanted to do things my own way, very strong, and a leader wanting to be a leader, and in that time, I’m not sure how supported I was, in some ways, I felt too big to fit into the containers of the tribe, and it seems like the women of the tribe wanted to do the ceremony the way that we do the ceremony, and I got really upset and wanted to do it my way, and that’s where I got into trouble.

Candice Wu 11:34

So, as I looked into the eyes of my past self, I could see the ferocity in her, the fire and fierceness. I could see that she knew how to live in the wild. She knew the plants, she knew the horses, she knew the animals, she knew earth, and the medicine that each of those bring, as well as song in ceremony and how to fight. She knew how to use bow and arrow, a knife, and to maneuver and to use fight energy if she needed to protect herself or to hunt, she was a hunter. So, that just catalyzed in me the desire to take my ability to protect myself and be strong in myself to another level. A lot of people take martial arts or do some self-defense classes. I’ve done both of those at some point, and now, at this time in my life, I want to experience some different things and sharpen those skills that I do have. So, I signed up for a lesson in sharp weapons.

Candice Wu 12:53

While I was camping, I was, you know, the thought the only thing I had was the knife in my hands, and I thought, okay, I’ll just sleep with it. If you had listened to that episode, you’ll get the full picture, and so, now I’m just thinking, well, if I’m going to have a knife in my hand, I better know how to use it, and hopefully I never need to use it. When you learn martial arts, it’s not to learn to literally just fight people, anywhere you go and to be violent or aggressive in your life, it’s just that you develop the confidence that you’re able to use certain parts of your body and energy to protect yourself or to do something that’s necessary if you’re ever in that situation, and whether you are not in that situation, that confidence that you can develop is really strengthening for the whole nervous system, for who we are in the world.

Candice Wu 13:52

If we all feel more confident, more in our bodies, more able to protect ourselves, we can feel safer, and that’s the idea now, so, I’m taking the sharp weapons class, and combat weapons. I think that’s like a baseball bat and how to use things to hit in the proper way, as well as archery and bow and arrow, and it’s really fun, it’s so fun. And I’m also able to use my eyes in a different way to direct my energy and be a little more precise at a distance, especially with archery, I find that my aim is horrible, and it has a lot to do with my focus and ability to sustain that focus at a distance, and I don’t think it’s coincidence that I am nearsighted and need glasses or contacts.

Candice Wu 14:56

And also this past life part of me now is being more integrated into me, I pictured her integrating into my body, and being me, which is the truth, I believe, well, that’s the truth, I believe, is that through the many lives that we have, we cultivate different knowing and sets of wisdom that are in our bodies and moving wisdom. And when we birth into the next life, sometimes, we want to develop different parts of ourselves, and we might forget the previous parts or we might remember them and be a genius in that, but there’s something here in this life for us to learn, and there’s a way in which we can claim, remember, and use all the wisdom that came from different lives, that we developed in different lives.

Candice Wu 15:59

And recently, I’ve been more attuned to the interstellar world, the world outside of earth, and that there are other dimensions within earth and outside of earth that we might be learning in as well and bringing those tools into our lives here or maybe that’s where we’re moving on to next. I never thought I would believe in that exactly or I guess we just couldn’t find a way for it to click with me that that existed, you know, and some people talk about aliens or other life, and it’s starting to make a little more sense to me that we as energies, as part of the universal consciousness, we find ourselves in different dimensions or we go to different places and times and lifetimes to know the wholeness of the universe, all the possibilities, all the energies that we can be, that we are, and we get to experience human life to heal and to learn and to grow, and to be and to honor who we are.

Candice Wu 17:20

So, as I look into myself as this past life, I just feel a connection with earth and animals in a new way, and I had an Akashic reading with Venessa Rodriguez, who was on the podcast very early on. In that reading, my guides were telling me to stay on the land and to look into plant medicine and connect with the plants that that would be revealed to me, and all this feels very exciting. It feels very enlivening and resourcing.

Candice Wu 17:52

So, enough about that for now. Feel free to jump on to that episode two weeks ago, if you didn’t get a chance to experience that. It also comes with an experiential called “You are the way, that you are the way to the mystery of your life, and you are the way to everything.”

Candice Wu 18:14

So, now let’s jump into the episode for today. This topic has been on my mind for I don’t know, at least a year, but somehow, I’ve just resisted talking about it, and what made me come to it now is that many people around me are talking about and asking me questions about what I think about it, and it seems like a lot of people are sorting out who they are, and what’s happening in their dynamics with people in their intimate relationships with their clients or with friends, with colleagues, and really, that is the topic for today. It’s “Who are you in relation to others?” And is part of your role in your relationships to “help people or to care for them or to heal them, save them feel responsible for them.”

Candice Wu 19:19

In this episode, everything I’m saying, there’s nothing wrong with any way of being and as there’s nothing wrong with wherever you’re at. It’s really looking at, “Oh, that’s where I’m at.” Like, wouldn’t you rather know who you are being and who you are right now, than not know? And that knowing gives you the chance to make a clear, continue to make a clear choice in your sovereignty of who you are or to make a new choice. So, knowing and awareness gives freedom. The knowing and awareness is not meant for criticism, to shame yourself or to pressure yourself to be someone else or something else because the bottom, bottom, bottom, bottom, bottom line is that you are the energy of all consciousness, you are pure love through a body, and in this body, we’ve chosen different ways to express pure consciousness. And sometimes, we think that those ways are who we are, we identify where we feel we’re just one way, and that’s who we are.

Candice Wu 20:47

There are very specific ways of being that’s in our DNA. So, that’s a biological coding, but then there’s an energetic coding underneath that, an energetic signature of who you’ve chosen to be in this life or who you are in this life, whatever you believe in. And if you’re in line with that, you might feel very much true to yourself, and that is true to your sovereignty, true to your choice, and underneath that is the love that we all are, all possibility that we all are. Then there’s the layer, like, removed from your choice of who you are, specifically in this life that’s unique to you, and what you might express in your life.

Candice Wu 21:42

So, I want to tell you a bit about me and my development and evolution of this feeling that I was responsible for people and wanting to really heal others, to where I am today in a much freer place for myself and others, in a place that really honors myself more and honors other people in the fullness that they are. When I first came to being a therapist and healer, I had come from being a teacher working with kids, and I saw very early in my career how much wisdom children had, and how alive that wisdom was, how fresh and real it was. It wasn’t some lines that someone had fed to them. Sometimes, it was, but other times when they were really present, and I was really present with them, there were these gems of what they were feeling and thinking that would come alive.

Candice Wu 22:57

And so, after I was a teacher, I taught art for kindergarten through second grade as well as sixth through eighth grade, and I loved the middle school age. After that, I transitioned into going to grad school for clinical psychology, studying Ayurveda, studying yoga as well, and all these other indigenous healing practices at the same time, along with family constellations. And emerging from all of those learnings, there was a way in which I still felt so responsible for people’s emotions and their well being. After working with clients, sometimes, I would feel a weight in me, and then somehow, I was the one digesting the emotions that seemed to be part of what the person was telling me they were experiencing or the storyline in which these emotions would emerge from. So, it seems like people were not quite digesting their own energy, and I was taking it on and doing it for them.

Candice Wu 24:08

That was so much work, and I was also doing that in my personal relationships. I had this way of having friendships where we were there for each other through all of what we’re experiencing, and while that can be beautiful and I still have that in some ways, it was the primary way of connecting with people is to, you know, share each of our problems back and forth, and in a sense, be that co-regulating parental loving force that I needed to help me develop that in myself. But it wasn’t seeing it that way at the time, I was just continuing to rely on people in my life to give that to me, and I would give it back. And I found that that also in itself had an exhaustion level, because I was seeing the power outside of me to some degree, but not consciously.

Candice Wu 25:14

So, as I looked at this deeper, it revealed to me that I was a Shaman in a past life, and a witch. And specifically in my Shaman time, it was essential for me to be responsible for my village, for my people and tribe, and they came to me to receive healing and to receive guidance, and I would stay in my cave to restore and in that kind of worked because I was living in nature and was able to feel the earth resource and to use my shamanistic skills very well in moving energy and connecting with many dimensions to support me. I don’t really know the details of that, and it doesn’t seem that important right now, but what is really important is that, on a cellular level, I was skilled at taking in other people’s energy, like literally sucking it out of them, and then spitting it out, coughing it up, and I was the function of the healing.

Candice Wu 26:33

I realized that that was a very old way of healing for me, then it was from lifetimes ago, and that in this lifetime, it wasn’t for me anymore. I wanted to find what was me and a fresh way, an expanded way for me in this life, to grow into being of support to others, walking alongside people, instead of being bigger than them in a way. As a Shaman, that was expansive at that time it was needed, and it was purposeful and I wanted to do that. If you are doing that right now, or you find yourself having a similar way of being with these patterns, that’s okay. There’s no judgment from me, and there really isn’t judgment necessarily about that. The real question is, is that how you want to be and is that the best for your expansion and your well being in this life right now? And maybe it was before, like a year ago or yesterday, and maybe it’s not now, or maybe you were in a different way of being and now that is very interesting, enlivening and expansive.

Candice Wu 27:57

So, there’s no right way. There’s no best way that applies to all. There’s only what’s best for you, and another piece of this all is that, because I came into this life with this way of being able to take other people’s energy, and release it, digested and release it or just get rid of it, for whatever other reasons, I came into a specific family that needed that. With that, seemed to not have the functions of digesting their emotions, and supporting and loving their well being. So, early on, in my childhood, even as an infant, I had this impression and feeling sense that I was here to be responsible for other people, and we can look at this in all sorts of psychological or soul, soulful ways.

Candice Wu 28:55

We can see this from conditions of worth, through Carl Rogers’ work in psychology, where, what are the ways in which I have to act to be worthy and to be loved? And from a family constellations perspective, that’s very similar. Where do I need to stand and who do I need to be? Who, as in not myself, but who else do I need to be? What energy Do I need to hold? Or what do I need to do to belong in this family, to be seen? Where’s the energy, the direction of energy going from family members or I need to be right there, so they can see me and is that in the middle of chaos, is that in the middle of devastation? And for me, I felt so needing to be a parent to my parents so that I could be seen. There were things and patterns that had happened back in my ancestry that created that or were a part of that dynamic.

Candice Wu 30:05

So, it’s not to blame my parents, it’s started long before them, but it’s to say that I stood in the role of my parents, responsible to my parents, as a young child, and yet I could never fill that role. So, along with that came not being enough, and wanting to help my parents, so that I could ultimately be enough and be seen as enough, taking care of their emotions, taking care of their well being taking care of my siblings, from the place of needing to feel worthy enough, and that lived on for many, many, many, many years after that. And it’s not just a mental process to say, “Oh, I’m doing that. So, let me stop.” It’s in my body, it’s in the responses of my nerves system to what wasn’t safe, and what felt like was the safest I could get to, and where could I even find something for me, and there’s a deeper love there, too, loving other people loving my family members wanting everyone to belong, and making sure that they do by helping, by supporting.

Candice Wu 31:29

So, through all this, and working with all these pieces — past life, lineage, belief sets that come through from all this, I felt into a new way for me, that was to be in myself, to be fully who I am, doing what I want to do, loving myself, and therefore having a two-way kind of love that reaches out to others as well. That’s not from a place of “I’m not enough, and if I care for you, I’ll be enough or I’ll be needed or I’ll be validated.” It’s, I validate myself and I can use tools, and support and resource from around me to enhance my ability and capacity to love myself and to continue to develop it, it doesn’t just happen, suddenly, and ending there, but a continual process of that and being in the place of my adult present self that has capacity to continue to love myself and what comes up or to notice when it’s not happening, and can see others with that same capacity or a deeper capacity, the greatest capacity of all possibility, living in each person around me, no matter how they express in a human form.

Candice Wu 33:06

For me, it’s to be a compassionate witness to what they’re experiencing, to be present with them, to honor it, and not try to change it or assume that it wants to be changed or that they want to change to respect someone else’s desire, and move with them from there, checking in with what they desire and what their choices are, and ultimately, it’s seeing that they’re in the hands of the universe, which is them, which is themselves, and everything around them.

Candice Wu 33:41

In a family constellations perspective, it’s seeing that they have an entire lineage of wise and strong people where something had to go right for them to exist in this life, and to exist right now, and perhaps a whole soul belonging that they have, or entourage of guides, resource, earth, animals that may be supporting them in some way, whether they know it or not, that I can see exists for them as well. And if I’m able to hold that, I can see this person much more clearly, and if I’m also able to accept that death has its place, that pain has its place, that sadness has its place, anger has its place, and all of that is, is part of the beauty of what we get to experience, not just tolerable, but part of the beauty. Then when I see someone in pain, I don’t need to just immediately rescue them. Rescuing them is also something that can be done, and it’s not a bad thing. Sometimes, we need to be rescued. Sometimes, other people need to be rescued, but it also depends on what the deeper want, need and capacity is, and what one can do for themselves, which is much more powerful at the core than what another can do for someone else.

Candice Wu 35:31

Now, there’s, that’s also to be argued, like, there are definitely super impactful moments where somebody else has said something to me or done something for me, that made a huge difference. So, I’m not saying to not do any of that, but I am saying that I’m interested in guiding myself from my heart and also, my deeper knowing, and at any time my deeper knowing and my capacity to feel into my heart might not be the fullest it could possibly be, which is probably true, you know, this is why I’m here to expand and to continue to deepen in that. But even to the max of what I do have, at any moment, I might not be there. How much of me is here? How much of me is available? And from that place, what do I desire to do? And from the place that also holds another in their wholeness, how do I want to be and interact?

Candice Wu 36:45

If it’s a crisis situation, like something very immediate, that might be a totally different process. I’m not going to sit there and meditate on it or think about it like that, I might just act. In the aftermath, I might see who I was being in that moment and if I stand behind myself or not, and I can go for really any situation, crisis or not. Do I stand behind the choice I made? And one of my teachers, Suzi Tucker, says that she likes to make choices that allow her to continue to make more choices that she can stand behind. That’s my interpretation of what she has shared with me to be exact.

Candice Wu 37:34

So, it’s really also a question of how are we using our gifts, I do have a gift of being able to work with energy and do something with energy that people may or may not want to do something with. And as a young child that was overused, are you overusing your gifts or overworking? When you’re in an interaction with someone else, are you constantly using one way of being or one tool in yourself, one gift in yourself. I also want to talk about empathy in this episode. I love talking about empathy, I’ve had a really different relationship with empathy, and that definitely, relates to the process in which I see myself in my role.

Candice Wu 38:27

Empathy in the past, for me, has meant not just being in another’s shoes and seeing that perspective, but feeling it on a whole body and energetic level, and before I just wasn’t able to give it back. Like, I could feel into someone’s experience, and then somehow I’d be left with it, and it was my deeper pattern of taking that on and taking responsibility, but also, sometimes, it was my own experience being triggered. And me, relating to someone and having identified with them energetically, because I had that experience in some way and those feelings. So, for me, sometimes it was a double whammy, like, having to be triggered, my experiences being triggered, and looking at that and also seeing the umbrella or the holding pattern to that, which was to take on other people’s feelings and feel responsible for them, feel like I have to be bigger than them and hold that space for someone, when sometimes who I’m talking to is older than me or more developed than me, whatever, it really doesn’t matter if they’re older or younger, but in the case of my parents, it did.

Candice Wu 39:52

So, I want to talk about when empathy goes wrong, and I kind of hesitate to use those words, but maybe it’s better to say, when empathy goes too far, if we see empathy on a spectrum, where, maybe, one point of empathy is to be able to witness someone with some warm, with our capacity of presence and awareness there, and to see them in their experience and honor that they’re experiencing it and that their whole enough to handle it. If we see them in that light, versus if we see them with pity or assume that we feel something, that they feel something about it, then we can project our own feelings on them, and in return, they feel differently in relation to us.

Candice Wu 40:54

Have you noticed that where someone believes in you, versus where someone else so feels a similar doubt as you towards you? Like, “Oh, yeah, you know, not sure.” You might feel differently in your body and in your heart. So, that’s where I like to be in seeing myself as full and seeing another as full, and witnessing what’s happening and just being present, being there. It doesn’t mean I have to give advice or support or say loving words. It might just be as much as seeing what they’re experiencing. I see your pain, I see that you’re in this experience. From that place to taking on some of their emotions or when we assume as I said that someone feels a certain way, we’re projecting our feelings, but those are our feelings about that kind of experience.

Candice Wu 42:02

Have you ever had an experience where someone told you that they’re in a certain situation or something happened to them? And you say, “Oh, no, or you say, Oh, I’m so sorry.” And they say, “Oh, I am fine about it.” And sometimes, that’s denial, but sometimes that’s actually true, right? And so, we’re there’s a mismatch to how you assumed they would feel, and they actually feel. And maybe, they feel upset later, but right now, in the moment, they’re saying they feel fine. It’s a different topic to challenge them or say, oh, tab empathy and say, Oh, wait, you know, it seems like there’s something else here. That’s something else. But when we just outright assume something, and that’s not where they’re at, we get this chance to see that that was our own projection, and where we think or we can call it empathy to have offered that feeling from us. It’s not actually empathy. It’s actually being in our own experience, seeing it from our way.

Candice Wu 43:23

Also, when we feel for someone, we feel for them, instead of them feeling for themselves in a way, instead of seeing them and trusting their own ability to feel and experience. We might take on that whole energy of the feeling, and they may be discarding it are leaving it with you, maybe not, but that’s possible. That whole dynamic is a very developmental young experience for the person that might be discarding it, and that you may maybe their parental figure holding and being that digestive space. And this is an interesting dynamic, because then we also need to look at, if you’re the one being that parental figure or holding space, why are you doing it? It can be easy to say that it’s empathy, and I being caring and supporting someone, but is that serving a purpose for you that also is a pattern of yours or is something that keeps you in a cycle, or a smaller space for yourself, a dependency for yourself? Do you depend on other people to need you? Or do you pride yourself on the ability to use this tool and keep others dependent on you? Does this give you your validation or enough?

Candice Wu 45:01

Like, it has for me, in the past of varying degrees, you know, there’s a whole dynamic of empath narcissist that people label as this empath Narcissus dynamic, where someone who’s really empathic and intuitive, and sensitive attracts. They mutually attract each other. Someone who has traits of narcissism that may draw the attention towards them, and need that kind of support and dependency and can hook someone in to be that for them in almost every capacity or to varying degrees of their lives as a whole. That’s a whole different topic, and there’s so much more to that story, but we often see the empath with more empathy, I guess. We look upon that more favorably to be the empath in that situation, to be the helper in that situation, rather than the helped.

Candice Wu 46:17

We see that perhaps the empath is doing something better than the narcissist is doing because sometimes the narcissist, the person we call the narcissist, it really don’t like to use that label, we often see them as like, lashing out if the other person isn’t doing what they want or using manipulation to keep the person who is very sensitive and caring in that space for them, and yet, doesn’t the person who’s empathic and sensitive do the same thing. There’s a manipulation happening on both levels. When this dynamic is happening, of perpetrator victim as well, when it goes to that level that one is a victim of the other, both people are tied up with some energy coming from the same energy, both people are tied up with belief sets that come from the same similar place of worthiness, need or validation or dependency, somewhere we can find that there’s a place in which both are codependent. And in other cases of empathy, where empathy can go too far is where we put ourselves aside, we put others before us and prioritize their feelings and needs, and maybe sometimes even feel an urgency about that, and we put our own basic needs sometimes or lives aside.

Candice Wu 48:01

This can happen where a mother looks towards her child and says, “I need to give everything to this child, I need to be there for them. They’re not feeling well and x y&z places, and I need to be there and I need to help them.” And we look at that person’s life as a whole, and I’m not bashing mothers at all, I think being a mother is one of the most honorable and beautiful things one can do, but when a mother puts themselves aside and focuses all their energy on their child, we do need to wonder, what about their own life? And what does that say to the child, you’re worthy, but I’m not, and essentially at the bottom that says, that’s another thing, I’m not worthy of taking care of myself, and that message gets transmitted to the child inherently, implicitly in the body, in the actions, and those actions speak louder, sometimes than what’s covering it up, the helping that’s coming their way, all the energy coming their way. And it puts that child in a position of a lot of weight, like, I have to be so much better, or I have to have so much help, and I have to do this for my mother, too, because if I don’t, then she’s not going to be okay.

Candice Wu 49:35

And how different for a child to see their mother taking care of themselves, to see their mother in their fullness, giving them the space to be in their fullness or be in their struggle, whatever it is, but their mother reaching out from there, helps them to see the way because their mothers, part of showing them the way that she’s having, opens up a pathway that a child can see, “Oh, I have a way, too, and I am worthy of taking care of myself, and I can learn how to do that. I don’t always have to just give to others like my mom’s doing.” There’s a way that we implicitly and in our, in some way comes outside ways that we can be just like our parents, especially with the parts of our parents we resist or don’t want to be like, and this is where it can come out, you know, we can be just like our mom that gave us all the focus and energy and gave herself none by doing that somewhere in our lives, and then we don’t know how to take care of ourselves.

Candice Wu 50:49

So, I’ve used this mother and child example, but this really can apply to any relationship. If you are giving all of yourself to your friend, nothing to yourself, or very little and not enough, not taking care of what you really need to feel full, healthy and whole, then you’re not really able to fully be present for your friend or whoever else it is, anyway, but also on the receiving end, that support is coming from a very small capacity, small energy, and not to belittle it, but to say that there isn’t much there, if we’re giving away everything, one none to ourselves. So, that’s where empathy can go too far as well, and it can really take a toll on someone, and on the surface, it can be seen as a selfless act.

Candice Wu 51:53

We often overstate, I think selflessness, we see people giving so much to others, and we praise and we praise that, and how much do we praise people taking care of themselves? That’s very much shifting, we’re doing that so much more, at least in the fields that I’m running around, like the mental health field in wellness, there’s that’s shifting, where we’re saying, “Yes, good, you took care of yourself.” And there’s just through threads of time, where we valued being selfless, meaning doing for others and not yourself, meaning doing and being kind to the world around you at its fullest, and not needing to put yourself in that mix it as well.

Candice Wu 52:51

There’s a time and place for selflessness. If and I know that it’s also in many spiritual practices, it’s really a discussion of where someone is at the level of having transcended the ego dance, the dance of pain and being triggered like those triggers, those wounds are more healed, or at a level where they’re not in control of someone’s life, and where they’re maybe not even a thing where unconditional love is very present. That’s where some people might call these people or beings “Ascended Masters”. There’s a selflessness to that, and also, it might be necessary in times where someone is truly selfish and just very self-centered to the point that it’s hurting them. It’s not their growth edge anymore, that it hurts them and others or that the new growth would be to learn to let that love reach out to other people, not just themselves, and there’s a whole host of developmental like, young child parts to that that are probably connected.

Candice Wu 54:15

But when we force selflessness, even in that situation I’m talking about where it might be helpful to be a little more selfless, when we force it, and not heal it, and develop it organically. When we force it, there’s always some tension or resistance living in our bodies and in the system that we live in. In the community, our body will show it. We can’t skip being selfish, and developing our sense of self and caretaking for ourselves and being there for ourselves, loving ourselves developing an identity so that we can eventually release that identity and be fuller. That’s part of our developmental process as a human, as a child and in our soul, that we need to know who we are, and fill up on who we are, be seen and mirrored and take in all that love so we can know who we are, and be egocentric, like five year olds are, right? If they get to be. And if we didn’t get to be, we didn’t get that loving attunement, we might still be asking for that now in our lives, and that’s where we can give that to ourselves, and organically heal that so we can become more natural in the place of love from within, loving towards ourselves and loving outwards. Really don’t love to call it selflessness, but I did want to address that topic of selflessness.

Candice Wu 56:00

In order to ascend, when people talk about ascension, it’s about being one with the universe, the light that we are the unconditional love, that is who we are. When we ascend in human form, we must descend into the body and become embodied, live in the human form, master all the ways of being human, not just the functional things that we need to do and learn how to do in this consciousness of earth, and how earth functions right now and how people function on earth, but to come with our own creativity, and also, to master navigating all the emotions and ways of being that one can be, to have the capacity to embrace all of it and know how to work with it and use it, and feel your inner knowing.

Candice Wu 57:06

So, back to selflessness just for another moment here, when we do for others, and we take empathy to that degree, and supporting others or caretaking for others to the degree where not taking care of ourself, often that also serves to distract from what you need to do for yourself, whether that’s looking at a wound that’s really hard to look at or something that is going on for you. It serves to help you feel powerful or in control, or okay, when you can help other people when they’re not okay or see people is not okay, and continue to like, create bad or find, they can find those parts and others, and that’s how you’re relating two people, but we’re also, you might be distracting from your life path, like what you want to be spending your time with, where you’re most empowered, what you’re desiring for you and your worthiness? Do you feel like you are worthy of pleasure, enjoyment, peace, and those endeavors looking at those parts of us? If we continue to avoid those parts, we really don’t do a service to anyone. That is the deepest service, to all. It’s the deepest loving to know who you are and to move towards what you desire, to be in your pleasure, to be in your worthiness.

Candice Wu 58:54

There’s one last piece I want to mention with all this is that there’s a difference between being caring and being a caretaker as your one role or as your main role, and there’s nothing wrong with being a caretaker as your main role, like that might be your job title, that might be what you’re choosing to do. It’s really how you do it, and why you’re doing it. If you’re doing it on some unconscious level to distract from your own life, how much do you want to do that? It’s okay to do that. Sometimes, we need to distract from our lives. Sometimes, we need to feel that empowerment that we get when we can help someone else with their life, and also, recognize and have perspective that maybe our issue is not so bad, or we’re in this together. So, there’s nothing wrong with any of it. It’s the question for you if you want to explore it, only if you want to explore it, is that there are multiple parts of who you are. And are they all being looked at? Are they being offered in this life and expressed in who you are honored in yourself? Are we living our lives? Are we in our roles and our lives coming from a place of woundedness driving underneath, whether that’s conscious or unconscious?

Candice Wu 1:00:25

You may have heard of archetype wounded healer, and Sarah Buino has a whole podcast of conversations with a wounded healer, and talking about these very things, like, where are we coming from and who are we? What is a wounded healer and identifying that so we can see that happening in us if we want to see it, and make sure that that’s the choice we want to have or choosing what we want to have?

Candice Wu 1:00:58

And before we go and end this episode, I want to talk about endings and death. I touched into death just once in this conversation, but for me, all this conversation also amounts to embracing death and all sorts of emotions as part of the beauty of experience, as I mentioned, but death we’re often afraid of death or we have all these emotions that pour out from it or nothing at all. Everyone experiences that differently and sees it differently, but are you at peace with death? And if you’re not, what is your relationship with death? And how does that show up in ways in which you help others or are in relation to others?

Candice Wu 1:01:52

If I resist death or resist certain emotions, when I interact with others, then I resist to some degree, whether that’s subtle or not or overt, covert or overt. I might resist what they’re experiencing, and ultimately, that just honors them that might even dismiss what they’re experiencing or disrespect them. But when I have the capacity to honor anger, pain, death, sadness, annoyance, any emotion that is challenging, even joy, when I have the capacity to hold that in myself and see it, be with it, respect it, then I can do that for others to or I can begin to.

Candice Wu 1:02:54

Sometimes, we think that others need our help, we have a suggestion for them and we want to give it to them or give them our advice or do something for them, and we do need to keep ourselves in check because what does that say to someone else? That their situations not okay? That there are choices ain’t okay or we could do it better? My friend, Nick Werber talks a lot about this, embracing one’s fate, and in the family constellations world, we discussed that, that thought that accepting one’s fate means accepting their choices. It means accepting, not just accepting but respecting and agreeing with them of their own choice. It’s really not for us to agree, too, but respecting it.

Candice Wu 1:03:54

So, I leave you today with these questions. How are you relating to yourself? What parts of yourself are you able to be with? Who are you? Where are you coming from when you’re in a role of helping others or caretaking or coaching or being a therapist or being a friend, a daughter or a son, mother or father? How is it that you see people? Be honest, and in different situations that might be different. And how is it that you want to see people? How is it that is a deeper seeing? Where do you believe you know more than someone else whether you assert it or not? Or where you believe those thoughts that you feel, you know, more than them or why they’re where they’re at and that you can see something they can’t? There’s a fine line of intuition and asserting yourself energetically, inserting yourself and violating energetically, because you feel you know more. Were you working harder than someone else for their lives? And what parts of yourself need caretaking, saving or tending to, parts of yourself or asking for empathy? What parts of yourself want to feel worthy and in your pleasure, desire, and in the life that is 100%? You? And do you push that aside for others or do you push that aside?

Candice Wu 1:06:06

So, I think that’s enough for today. I loved this conversation and had a lot of fun. I’d love to hear your feedback, your discussions around this or what comes up in you around this, and if you disagreed with me or found something I said offensive, feel free to share that if you found something that helps you explore. I’d love to hear about that as well.

Candice Wu 1:06:34

To close today, I’ll just offer all the different podcasts that I refer to and the people that I referred to, as well as other episodes that can relate to this topic. So, I give a shout out to Venessa Rodriguez who did the Akashic reading for me recently. She is excellent and she also works with Feeding your Wild. Her episode on the body podcast is at CandiceWu.com/venessa, VENESSA, and there you can also connect up with her website, feedyourwild.com, I believe, and all of the different links that she offers.

Candice Wu 1:07:14

I shared about Suzi Tucker, my family constellations teacher, and you can find her at suzitucker.com or at CandiceWu.com/Suzi, her episode with me on the podcast, and her name is spelled SUZI. I also mentioned my friend, Nick Werber, who is a constellations facilitator. He and I love talking about death, and we did in this episode at CandiceWu.com/nick.

Candice Wu 1:07:45

I mentioned Sarah Buino in her podcast conversations with the Wounded Healer. I actually appeared on that podcast and it was so much fun. You can find that episode at CandiceWu.com/conversationswithawoundedhealer, and there you’ll be able to link to her whole podcast. Also, I mentioned the deep mystery of life episode that was two weeks ago at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery, and we spoke a lot about self-worth, worthiness. And there’s an episode that isn’t a discussion but it’s more like a download around worthiness, where it’s set to music and I just say affirmations and support the body in taking that in, and that’s at my website/worthiness.

Candice Wu 1:08:46

Also, if you want to stay up to date on my travels, on the podcast, guests experientials and topics, retreats, workshops, things that I’m offering, you can tune into my newsletter that comes out every two or three weeks. You can sign up at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 1:09:07

Thanks so much for joining me today. It’s really great to have you and looking forward to connecting with you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about the deep mystery of life, energetic transmissions and downloads that I’ve been receiving, things that you cannot explain, and I talked about past life memory, coming up through the experience of my elbow.

Candice Wu 0:18

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:52

Here’s a trigger warning for this episode. In this episode, I talk about rape, violence, interracial conflict, the uterus and vagina, and different past life experiences that come up around this. If those are sensitive to you or you’re not interested, you can feel free to jump to the experientials that are connected with this episode or you can look on the show notes and find where to jump in at the places that are past these topics, and if you are clicking on your, the thing you listen to, for podcasting, if you have some sort of app, sometimes you can see the different time markers and stamps, the titles for each section, and you can skip past to pass where the disclaimer points are the trigger warning points are.

Candice Wu 1:44

In this episode, I talk about things that I cannot prove, things I don’t have evidence for, except for me, and my being, my knowing and my body communicating that it’s resonating. I talk about past life, experiences a particular past life memory that connects itself to so many different memories and experiences I have in the present life, that all seemed to make sense to me, but you may be listening and thinking, well, I don’t believe in past life experiences, you don’t have to. It’s good to be skeptical, and also tune into what you feel. It’s also good to be able to let the mindset to the side, the mental logic so that you can receive something else if that’s interesting for you, but regardless of whether you believe in past life experiences, you might be interested in the story of how I brought some healing to my elbow, into my uterus, and the different things that connected up with.

Candice Wu 2:55

Later in the episode, I talk about the mystery of life, that is you and being in your specific energetic signature, what you were born to be in this life, and connecting with different ways of knowing. So, let’s jump in.

Candice Wu 3:14

Last week, I spoke about how I’ve been working with my elbow, there has been some pain there since mid-January, end of January when I was in Ireland, and the feeling I had at that time was that it just happened very quickly. It was nothing I particularly did, it seemed, physically. But suddenly, I had this very sharp and also deep pain in my elbow, right at the joint, which when I did certain movements, like twisted my arm, palm face down, and as far as it could go, it would be painful or lifting something a certain way, like grabbing something and lifting it upwards would be painful.

Candice Wu 3:58

So, all these different movements, and I recall a time when way back, I don’t know, 15 years ago, if something in my body would feel funny, I’d tell someone and they might say to me, “Well, just don’t do that movement.” And that just, it just didn’t really make sense to me, or like stop doing that, that thing that you’re doing, and I think there’s a place for seeing maybe a repetitive pattern and movements of your body and doing something to balance that or doing something different. But I also felt the instant that this feeling came into my body, it also connected with my low back, the left low back. And it felt like, “Whoa!” This is obviously very emotional, spiritual, and at this point in my life, I’m attuned to all that anyway, so, it was clear that something wanted to reach me, and to be known through me something really deep that wanted to surface so that I could claim even more of myself and know myself more deeply if wanted to be healed.

Candice Wu 5:11

So, if you listen to that last episode, Conversations with the Body, or if you didn’t listen, and you want to it’s at CandiceWu.com/conversationswiththebody. I talked briefly about some of the experiences that came out of the elbow, and that it’s still painfully there. It’s far less than before, and I also offer different experientials that you could use to connect with your body, to support your relationship with your body and turning on all of the different languages, that your spirit, soul, body, mind and heart use to communicate with you, to tell you what’s going on or to inform you of what it wants you to look at, in your present life or in your past, something that wants to be resolved, and the more we can tune in with that, with all the different ways that our being is communicating to us more we can listen. I find that we’re in the flow of our lives and who we are, we’re in harmony with all the parts of ourselves, they have a voice and a place.

Candice Wu 6:26

Do you think about being on a team, and whether that’s like a sports team or a work team, and if someone isn’t getting heard, that’s trying to say something very important. We’re trying to offer something and people ignore this one person, the whole team is out of balance, there’s a tension, there’s a resistance against some part, and I liken that to our inner parts, and who we are, all the parts of us, and all the ways that we are trying to be communicated to from deep inner parts of ourselves. If we’re resisting certain things that are speaking to us, then there’s a tension inside, that’s dis-ease. We don’t have to listen and believe everything, but to be able to witness it, and put it in its right place, in terms of sort out, if that’s the truth, if that’s something that wants to be healed. If that’s just a floating thought, that really doesn’t have much weight in me, or if, “Wow, this thing, this thought or experience or sensation in my body is really crying loudly to me.” And it may be getting even more intense as we resist it.

Candice Wu 7:53

If we try to continue to resist what’s wanting to be heard, and just acknowledged, then it will find a way to become stronger and stronger and fortify itself or find a way that will hit you in the place that you listen. Sometimes, that places hitting you financially, or sometimes it’s hitting you in the body where some part of your physical body starts to be in pain or not function as well, and we have to pay attention or we become exhausted or all of the above. Where it shows up in a relationship, and there’s conflict, a certain kind, that wants to direct you to look at something in yourself, something that’s just desperately asking us to look so we can feel even more empowered inside and responsible for our own lives, responsible for our energies.

Candice Wu 8:53

So, that episode “Conversations with the Body: Body Love and Multi-Language — EP82” was two weeks ago, and I want to follow this thread what’s going on with my elbow, and follow-up here. I saw my acupuncturist in Chicago twice. His name is Brent Garcia. He’s excellent. He is also on the podcast, early on in the podcast. He and I explored shame together. We talked about the light and the dark, and the fullness of our experience and what wants to be seen through us, and he spoke about his way of acupuncture, which is a Japanese way. It’s very gentle, and he’s super energetic, so does some Reiki sometimes, and it’s also a licensed massage therapist. He has a very full dimension in him of his work, and yet stays within the bounds of his work. But you know, me being me, I bring all sorts of stuff, and his presence is just the right presence for me at the moment to reveal, to allow things to reveal, and that is exactly what happened.

Candice Wu 10:06

In the two sessions a lot came up with my elbow, and I was ready for it. But I want to start the story with before I got to Chicago. If you’ve been following my Instagram, you might have seen that I decided to take on a project, I bought a used manual car, I really liked driving a manual, it just helps me feel like I can learn something and master something, and I have a different sense of creativity and control, and I created a hatchback camper. So, I created a sort of like a platform. So, there was flatness with plywood and hinges, and have a foam mattress that goes in the back and made curtains all sorts of stuff. So, I decided to take my mobile home on an adventure and go camping before I got to Chicago, like on the way to Chicago. I chose a campsite that had rustic sites and improved sites, which I think had like a bunch of electricity and better bathrooms, etc. So, something in me was like, I want to have the most rustic experience I can possibly have, I want to just be in the middle of the woods, and I think I’ve always had that deep yearning like to be in the stillness of the woods and to be at home in nature, submerged, immersed.

Candice Wu 11:38

And so it was a beautiful idea, until it got to be like 11 pm and it was pitch black, and I was hearing noises all around me. So, this is me sleeping in my car, and having to make the decision whether to close all the windows and lock doors or keep these sort of like window socks that I have on, which are like fabric screens that allow air to come through but no mosquitoes. So, I chose to keep those on with the doors locked, but really, you know, someone could just reach right through or move the fabric. If they knew to do that or once they saw what the scenario was, and I chose this because I could then hear if anyone was coming along, anyone coming close. I thought about leaving but I had set up all my stuff. It just felt also scary to pack up all my stuff at that moment and leave, and some deep part of me knew that everything was going to be okay, and another part of me knew well, I didn’t really know that.

Candice Wu 12:54

And at some point, I decided to stick it out. It was probably when I found my steak knife and decided to sleep with that in my hands. I didn’t sleep very well. The nervous system was pretty afraid but some grounding kept me okay, and eventually, at like three o’clock I felt like: “Okay, I passed the witching hour. I have gotten through it. And I’m going to be okay”, so I ended up sleeping the rest of the night. But what was coming up, before I could manage to fall asleep, I was just allowing what wanted to be seen about this to emerge, and what was coming up was me asking myself, “Well, what do I really fear? Is it the animals? What is it, is it people?” And it was the feeling that if anything happened to me, that nobody would know, that it was so distant, it was distant enough that people wouldn’t be able to hear me or come help.

Candice Wu 14:02

And then, I felt the specific fear, I had the image of a man coming right up close to me, like to the right side of my body about a foot away from my head, and the fear was that I would be hurt, taken and brutally raped. Perhaps a lot of women or smaller people, I don’t know. I can’t really speak for everyone else, but perhaps many other people also have that fear. But this, this fear, this image is very specific for me. And it’s something that while I was on this camping trip, I realized has been with me since I was young. When I was like five or six, I remember having the same fear, exactly, and a man coming right up close to me and coming up too close for me to have a realized too quick. So, I just took note of that. Hmm, interesting. You know, I’ve had this fear forever, like a terrifying fear when I was younger. When I was at home, I would be afraid that someone will come through the window or come from the closet. Yes, maybe normal childhood fears but a very specific brand and flavor.

Candice Wu 15:22

So, as I noted that I got to Chicago, had some beautiful workshops, constellations workshops, and restorative yoga and somatic experiencing workshop at the neighborhood studio Bloom Yoga Studio I love, and the family constellations workshops were the restore the love the flow of love, workshops, and they were just deep and powerful, and through this, I’d seen my acupuncturist, Brent. So, this is when it all comes together I love, it’s just really amazing when many pieces of things that I’ve sensed or noticed, and maybe even didn’t notice before but realized later all come together.

Candice Wu 16:08

I talked about an experience of a past life trauma, where I, after falling off a horse twice while I was in Spain last year, it revealed itself. I think I talked about it in the episode Past Life Trauma: Unfolding Freedom, it’s Episode 49, and you can find it at CandiceWu.com/ep49. That is part of the puzzle here because what I learned from my healing work around a falling off a horse twice, I knew that I wanted to heal to make sure that I wasn’t going to take on or allow something to manifest this trauma, if you can be really present with what’s happening and allow what wants to happen right there and be with it or at least as early as possible from an incident, and you can have a resource and allow the body to do what it needs to and it doesn’t become trauma.

Candice Wu 17:09

Trauma is the experience of overwhelm that stops the process from happening and manifest later so we can complete it. That’s one way to look at it, and so I was working with the falls and realizing that it was a much deeper issue and realized that it was a past life experience of being with a horse and then my healer had intuited that I got really stubborn about a decision, and other people were telling me what to do and I got just, you know, got on my horse and ran away, but I got in trouble, and it wasn’t the horse that got me in trouble or being with the horse. But that somewhere in this experience, I had died, is what I knew and what I felt. But it wasn’t really important at that time to know what the other details were. I just got what I needed at that time. Well, that experience came back and it wove into what was going on in my elbow.

Candice Wu 18:23

So, while I was in my session with Brent, at some point, he was doing some gentle touch on my arm, my right arm, and elbow, and it was really fascinating to allow this feeling that my hand my arm wanted to reach out to a man, specifically a male energy or person, and to know that they were actually there, to feel the kindness of this male presence, that my acupuncturist embodied at that moment for me. And what revealed after that were the words “you left me to die, you left me to die” and so I got curious about where that came from, and I’ve certainly had my share a whole armful, one could say, of attachment issues and relational trauma with my father. And maybe, those words applied there — “you left me to die” — in a way, yes, and in a way, not quite like there’s a different angle of you left me to die.

Candice Wu 19:37

So, I stayed with it kept feeling it, and I could feel the pain of that, the pain and the hurt and the betrayal. Eventually, Brent left the room, leaving me with some needles in very poignant spots, and I stayed with my imagination and what was coming to me, and I know when something feels like it’s hitting the spot when my body responds, when my emotions come flooding in or some sensation happens inside that is the resonance of my body saying, “Yes, there’s a memory of this. Yes, this, these are the words that can describe what happened or what I went through.” I don’t always say, all right, yep, these are exactly the facts, and I don’t know that it’s important in my book, at least, they don’t, these things don’t seem of consequential importance in this life. You know, if I feel I have a past life experience, and it gave me healing to recognize it, and it gives me strength to let it work its way through imagine, imagine what I wanted to happen instead or notice what did happen and honor, and then that whole thing releases in my body, if I stay with the emotions and the sensation, and I feel more whole afterward, and I also feel like I can then take with me the embodied wisdom that was of that life.

Candice Wu 21:20

All this to say, maybe these things didn’t happen, and yet doesn’t really matter because I feel like I have more of myself, and I feel like it can be part of my story. It is part of my story. So, back to me lying on the table here with some needles in my body, and I realized that I’m holding my dad’s hand, not my dad in this life, in a past life, in some life, another world. It feels that we’re Cherokee, it feels that we’re Native American. This is my tribe. He’s my father. He’s an important man. It feels like I’m saying to him, “You left me to die. You left me to die.” And as I stayed with it, and pictured him, I actually heard in me sensed in me and heard the words, “Yes, you’re right, I left you to the wolf. That’s only because we had to run, that’s only because we had to survive and fight, and you couldn’t do that. You were really far gone.”

Candice Wu 22:38

So, that got my curiosity, like, oh, it felt true, and why was I so far gone? And I felt myself lying, like in a pool of my own blood, and then as I looked, he was to my right, as I look to the left, I saw in sort of a flash of different parts all at once. Different parts of the timeline of the story all at once, that I was, in fact, brutally raped, and it was by a white man, and on our lands, and several men that he was with. But there was one particular one that lead the pack, and no one was around, that would help me. No one was around.

Candice Wu 23:34

So, that brought me back to the feeling of camping, and my fear that if nobody was around, no one could help me and I would die, I could die, and here it was, the real terror, the real thing that seemed to have happened, this thing that I feel has happened in a past experience that nobody was around, and my body was desecrated. It was as if the white man knew to come after the heart of the tribe, the uterus, the creative center, the young life of the tribe, which was me or, you know, I was one of them, and I felt like my uterus and vagina was like, desecrated, taken, and the words like, “You took something from me,” came up. And interestingly enough, those words came to me, those were the words I used in a recent experience with someone in a relationship, and I was surprised that I use those words, because I don’t really believe that they, that person was taking something from me, but it just came out out of my mouth, like you took something from me, and you took it and now, I can’t have it back, like it’s gone.

Candice Wu 25:10

So, there, I just like, I realized, wow, there’s another piece of the puzzle, like, this is why I felt this way, and it was in particular, that this particular relationship I had in the present day was with a white man, and there was a racial component that felt like it was coming alive, something, some bond that I had that wanted to be seen in some way or worked out in some way. And I don’t know, you know, some people might say that, maybe that was the same person that was in the past life that rapes me, I, my mind didn’t go that far, and it just went there in this moment, as I’m speaking to this now, which I’ll have to feel into later to see if that feels accurate, maybe, wow, just felt in a little bit. We’ll see, but there was a lot of anger about, like, aspects of our interactions that I felt were violent, and when I saw this image lying on the table, and my acupuncturist, I felt like, “Oh, I get it now, I get why I was trying to work that out with this person in my life right now.”

Candice Wu 26:37

So, back to the story. To rewind a bit to piece it all together, I was riding my horse, a horse that I was very in tune with, and I had gone flying off on my own, out to the middle of nowhere, perhaps or out somewhere I hadn’t been. Regardless, it was alone, and I was attacked, brutally and raped, and it came to me as, like a huge blindside, I was just not aware, because I think I was just so focused on what I wanted to do that it felt like this man came up to me really close, really fast, and I couldn’t stop it. And after that, during that my horse ran off, I have the feel that I’m a little uncertain what happened there and may not be important, I could have been off of my horse, and we just resting and then my horse ran off because he sensed danger or perhaps I was on my horse, and this all happened and maybe I got wounded or something and fell off or got ripped off the horse.

Candice Wu 27:59

Either way, the horse ran off scared, and I was with this man, this white man, and experiencing this extreme violence and rape, and hurt and power over me. And in that moment, I felt myself experience that nobody, nobody can hear me but I had the wisdom to talk to the horses, I kept my connection with my horse inside, can’t help come back for me. I can feel it now in my words, I can feel it in my heart, like how beautiful that connection is, but also how painful the experience was, and I feel that connection of psychic ability with horses, like being in the spirit world and connecting with communication that is not directly, like right next to her and words but in a knowing in an energy. That was something that Sara Fancy reminded me of. She’s the horse constellations person that I spent five days with and with her horses, her herd there, and she one day, just said to me, “Oh, yeah, you can just talk with her psychically and ask if they want to be touched.”

Candice Wu 29:31

And it felt like it opened up this whole knowing of, well, I know how to do this, like, this is something that’s second nature to me, and this image of this past life experiences really clear as to why, because I was so in connection with my horse and the horses, and they were part of me and part of the land, part of the tribe, and we love each other. And so, I here I am telling my horse, like, “Go get help coconut, my father, and he did, and that’s when my father found me on the floor, left to die, and he in the clarity of the spirit, I hear the words from him saying, ”I didn’t really leave you to die. He did.“ Like, the white man did, and we had to protect the family. And I heard myself say, ”Dad, you haven’t left anything.“ There’s a feeling in myself that the white man took something from me, and my recovery, in that moment, the restoration and healing in this moment of me, more so, in the present-day spirit connection, said, ”I have life, I have everything and you have life.” Please know that I am alive, and they can never take who I am away and who you are away, and I felt the deep breath, a lot of tears in grief. I didn’t quite feel much anger. At this time, I think in my present-day life, I had spent a lot of time feeling anger, lately, and in a long span of my life working with anger. So, here I just felt a lot of grief and a lot of pain.

Candice Wu 31:54

There are also things I haven’t mentioned yet. If you listen to my podcast about a year and a half ago, when I was in Bali, the one that is on spiritual crisis, it’s Episode 13, CandiceWu.com/ep13. This episode is where I talked about having a UTI and all this stuff that was coming up around from the feminine and how it was moving through my body and anger, and there have been a few things that have come up lately where there I felt some tension in my uterus, and as I’ve talked to it, it has said, “Let me be free, you know, stop trying to constrict me.” And there’s a lot of insight that is coming from those words, more than I’m going to say here. It can feel very private, to speak to what that means at the moment, but there is a thing I can say now is that feels like my uterus, my body, my vagina, my whole being, my heart wants to be able to love totally freely and without fear, like resolving the fear, and then being in the free-loving, and to acknowledge all that I love. And that one love doesn’t overtake another or cancel another out, but that it all can exist together, the circle for love is much greater.

Candice Wu 33:35

So, all of this stuff that was coming to me on the table, and my acupuncturist was really connecting with all these different parts of my body that were speaking, not just my elbow, but my uterus, all these different experiences that were part of the puzzle piece to this one past life experience that seems to complete, complete something in me, and also gives me a lot more clarity. I’ve always had a connection with Native American ceremony, ritual, and tradition. Whether or not I know, like what it is or not, I haven’t been very, very studied in it, but have connected and picked up things along the way, and they just feel like home to me. They feel really like something I’ve known before, and this gives me a lot clearer picture of why and how I was so connected with the land and tribe, animals, plants, that’s very much in my being.

Candice Wu 34:50

So, I feel a lot more at peace to the past part of me, feels more resolved and has reclaimed what felt like it was taken from me, and I feel really resourced by the horses, also by men, my father, and the tribe, the women as well, and the earth. I feel that the earth took care of me and saw me, saw the experience, the animals heard, psychically heard the experience, knew the experience even though they weren’t there witnessing it. What I mean is that the violence and the rape, and also I felt like I couldn’t scream, in that experience, I couldn’t even shout, and I wondered why and I felt my neck being sliced, I felt like my vocal cords were cut out. And yeah, I couldn’t scream, and that’s something that I have connected within a lot of different places like culture, really being Chinese, there’s a lot of silence, not being able to speak for different reasons, you know, people died when they spoke out, but in this recovery, I realized that my creative force isn’t actually taken away, even though in this life, I died this way, and there’s some cellular memory of my body that remembers this, and felt like I had been lost in that. But like, I as a whole being of love and awareness and consciousness. I, as this particular individual soul, had been taken, and parts of me have been taken, and that really isn’t true, even though the experience was that in that moment, but now I feel a lot of restoration, I feel I could never die, I feel I am always alive, and I will live on and you will live on.

Candice Wu 37:12

This is my message to my father and that life, you will have more, and that really gave me a lot of life and breath, grief moving, and I can feel the pain of the lineages, the white man, white patriarchy, white fear, tribe, the tribe’s fear and violence and protection. This is not all to blame white men at all. It’s really to show, to illuminate the violence, pain, and fear that is living in all of us, with that, particularly, I experienced through my body and that life. So, I recognize you may or may not believe in past lives. This may sound “whoo” to you or who knows what. If you’ve listened this far, that means something, that’s interesting but I can understand if this is not your cup of tea. And I’m about to talk about a few more out there things perhaps, you know, in a past self of mine, I would have thought these things were really out there but also knowing that feeling this knowing that I think this is true, but I have no proof or I have no, you know, I can’t quite, I just can’t prove it, but more things I can’t prove in this episode.

Candice Wu 38:52

Shortly after having this experience, I met up with Darshan Mendoza, who is a beautiful, beautiful person living in Hawaii, and she experienced the volcano erupt a year ago and wrote a book about it. I have interviewed her for the podcast, she, her interviews coming up in a couple of weeks, like the end of August, so, stay tuned for that. You can find it at CandiceWu.com/darshan, once that publishes, but I met up with her in Chicago, she was there what amazing timing, for me, for us, and among many things we talked about, she, after hearing the story of my past life, and the healing that’s coming through, told me about the book, The Sophia Code. It’s written by Kaia Ra who channels information and has experienced some very brutal experiences through sex trafficking when she was just a young kid, and yet has been able to still keep her ability to channel very clear. And one day, a voice came to her it was brutal, really loud, and it was saying, “I’m Sophia”, and Sophia is the Divine Feminine, creator, Sophia Gaia, Mother Earth, the feminine Christ consciousness.

Candice Wu 40:31

And so, I’m listening to this book on Audible, and it’s a bit robotic, the way she speaks on it, I think maybe she was trying to say it this way or something, I’m not sure, but still, since she’s set this book with a vibration of what she received in her interactions and channeling, I’m feeling an incredible energetic transmission. I’m receiving this like, download, it’s like, you could just hit download, and then it loads in, you know, you’re watching the percentage of something downloading, and as it goes higher and higher, like I’m feeling it in my body, it’s pushing out all of what the fears, the grief, the suffering that was in its place before, and filling my body with more knowing and love.

Candice Wu 41:25

So, what I’m getting from this, specifically, is that it’s not words that I, or thoughts that I haven’t heard before, or thought about before taking in before, but from this specific frequency, it’s extremely powerful. It’s different for me, it’s bringing another dimension in, and the words that are specifically bringing me more are the words, Sophia Dragon Tribe, and Star Nation, the White Buffalo Woman, all these words that she’s bringing in these words that signify an energy in a whole magical level of being and love that’s coming through. All that’s giving me some sense of memory, it feels like I know I’m a dragon, feels like, I’m part of Dragon Tribe, and Star Nation like this is my people, and all that might sound crazy to you, I remember hearing the author say, somewhere like, “I can’t talk about Sophia dragon tribe, my career is going to go down the tubes,” and yet, her message was, the message she got was, I have to this is important, and this is the way it needs to be transmitted, and that’s how I feel at the moment, I don’t quite totally understand everything, mentally.

Candice Wu 42:56

And in the last several years, I’ve let go of that need to mentally or rationally, make logic of something, and that’s really served me well. I know that the brain is important and the mind is very important. When we think through things, sometimes, that really helps us, and I’ve spent a lot of years and time doing that in my life but I also used it too much, I overcompensated for my sense, in my heart and in my spirit, my intuition by using my brain to rationalize and analyze, make sense of and also problems solve, that now I’m really enjoying just tuning in, sensing the energy of something and using the other ways of intuitive and knowing that I do have, we all have. And that is a way of knowing that gives me, often gives me the right way for me. Sometimes, I say yes or no to things that it doesn’t even make sense, and I’ve let go of that need to make sense of something, and it’s not quite coming from impulse, or irrationality, even though it’s quite irrational, right? Maybe you could call it that, and really, but it’s not impulse or perhaps a traumatized part of me.

Candice Wu 44:21

Although, sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference, if it’s some part of me that feels traumatized and needing something or if it’s an intuitive part that says, from a very clear, pure place, yes or no for me about something or this is the answer for me, or sometimes I find out later that some of my decisions weren’t so aligned at the source of me, but aligned to some traumatized part of me or part that wanted some sort of retribution for some past thing, something that’s living in the past. But I’m really encouraging you out there, if this is interesting for you, to deepen and cultivate the part of you that has knowing of other forms than the mind, than the mental logic. Sensing, tuning in, using the many languages and tongues, the multi-dimensional ways that our body communicates our hearts, the ways that we may know something without being able to explain it, and to trust yourself, so that you can learn to deepen in your trust. It gives us many ways of moving about the world. It connects us to the energetic, the spiritual, the more subtle ways of being. It connects us to animals, connects us to nature and talking with the plants and earth, talking with other beings and energies.

Candice Wu 45:58

And if you, I swear, if my younger self, listen to these podcasts, probably maybe more like my 20-year old self, high school, college self, she would be like, WTF like, What are you talking about? You don’t make any sense. This can’t be that like, judgment, just judgment. But now, I’m all about it, and it’s really served me very well to trust the knowing I have and see the outcome and to see where I may need to fine-tune and refine my listening in myself or what part of me was showing up so that I can know that part better, and then be clearer about the boundaries, like, is that the part of me that was wounded or is this a more, a deeper knowing of some sort that is not from the wound, from my wisdom.

Candice Wu 47:01

So, as I’m listening to The Sophia Code, I’m receiving a more fortified sense that we’re here to do life uniquely, and specifically, the way that our energetic signature and blueprint shows us, and that is always a free will and choice that is always from our sovereignty. She uses that word a lot in the book, that we’re meant to know our deep creative sovereignty, and the sovereignty of all beings, including the animals and the land, and to remember that we are sovereign, to remember that we have freedom, and all of the conditioning and belief sets and limits that we think are here and that we have manifested.

Candice Wu 47:54

That’s actually not the entire reality of things, but we’re deeply the love that is of all things, and the language that she’s using is that we are Sophia. We are the energy of the feminine Christ consciousness that encompasses every single energy, even masculine energy, and give life is love, is the pure being and consciousness that each of us are. I love when things that resonate with me deeply also align with other things that resonate deeply in the language set of the Vedas and Tantra have always brought me to that feeling and that knowing of freedom, all possibility, and that we are able to choose all possibility, even though our body and our energy systems, right now, have collected in a certain way and propel us in a certain way of being. That there’s more that we are, and that more gives us the ability to heal what we think we are, that we are really not.

Candice Wu 49:26

In this book, she also channels seven or eight different energies archetypes, some who have come into earth form as humans for some time, but who have been guides or mentors for all those who want to heal, or people who were interested in, in that particular energy like Mary Magdalene or Kuan Yin, Tara, and she talks about the Sophia Dragon Tribe, White Buffalo Women, as I mentioned, a couple of others. Some of the pieces of those stories and some of what she says is interesting to me and really light something up in me and other parts don’t resonate at all, parts where the, where she talks about chakras. From what I’ve learned in Sanskrit studies, the word is chakras, and the sound is chakra. And so, when she said chakras, I almost was like, “What has she been saying?” I don’t get it. Which well, you know, I can still let it bypass the part of me that says, I don’t get it, but at the same time, it wasn’t clicking into my system, and I think that was part of why.

Candice Wu 50:52

So, there are parts of the book that really don’t fit for me right now, but right in the beginning, even in the preface, I was already crying, and so, I knew I was receiving something and it was allowing me to release other things out doubts and fears that had been living in me. So, do you experience this, do you experience things you cannot explain, but that you know, there’s something there for you? Things that give you an energetic upgrade or download, and the sort of space when you receive something new that really is enlivening you in a way, but also feels like you’re in major construction because it dismantles other parts of you, and grief can come through anger, hurt, other emotions, all of that coming to the surface to be felt, honored and continue to move and flow. It wants to move out, to experience a sense of knowing inside of you and how, what does it feel like when you know something? Or when you feel something is not right for you, it’s a little bit off? What’s that like for you?

Candice Wu 52:19

And are there things in your life that are going on right now or ways you’re being, things you’re involved with, or relationships where you feel something’s not quite right for you? It’s hard to pinpoint, maybe, or maybe it’s speaking loudly, screaming at you. This is a deep mystery. Life is a deep mystery, and when we try to rationalize everything, or make it fit into our ego, egoic mind, it collapses, what we experience into something flatter, one that no longer has the dimension of magic or mystery, the beauty, the unknown and unseen. And to do that, we must know something, we, it’s funny, we must say we don’t know. We must acknowledge and be in a place of not knowing anything at all, and being able to scrap what we do think we know or have known before, to know something more.

Candice Wu 53:33

So, while I say I know all of this and what happened, and all that I’m also open to it being washed away with something else and a new knowing to come, and also that it integrates so that it’s just a part of my body, my body wisdom, my embodied knowledge, me as a moving being, moving body of wisdom and also different possibilities, pleasant and unpleasant. So, how do you support yourself in embracing the mystery of life? What do you do that connects you with what’s unseen and what’s beautiful, and what’s truly you? Right now, for me, it’s just connecting with the words and the vibration that Sophia Dragon Tribe brings, and Star Nation and I’ve just been opening and asking out loud, sometimes, and in me in a sense prayer and meditating with, just saying, “Star Nation, show me what I need to know, show me what’s next. I receive you. I open to the wisdom that’s here, I open to all of it, open to experiencing.”

Candice Wu 55:15

This might be similar if you have connection with certain animals or ancestors or people in your life that are now, that if you feel they’re bringing something to you to learn, there’s a feeling of magic about the connection or maybe fear that shows you, that shows itself first that eventually wants to show you there’s something there for you.

Candice Wu 55:43

In the movie, Aqua Man, I love this part when he is about to do the big thing that he’s meant to do. I’m not going to say what that is, but he tells his mother, I’m scared, and she said, “Good, then you’re ready.” So, perhaps the fear is here showing you there’s something here for you, and that it does mean if you can feel the fear, you are ready for what’s coming and what’s next for this next opening or action on this journey of you being you, being at peace with yourself in harmony with yourself. Who you truly are, not all the belief sets that have accumulated the energies that have accumulated and collected itself to create your physical body and the aches and pains, and tensions that manifests itself as so you can see it, but the deeper you that wants to come through, the cells of your body that know they are loved somewhere and want to be reminded that you are loved. Let us embrace the deep mystery of life.

Candice Wu 57:12

Thank you so much for joining me today. It felt really alive and connected in sharing this episode. I invite you to connect with me if something inspires you or if you have questions, something didn’t rub you the right way, anything. If you feel compelled, I invite you to follow that. I’ll add a few healing experientials to this episode around embracing the mystery of life, around sensing and letting your mental logic be bypassed so that you can tune into knowing, not exactly sure what will emerge. So, you’ll just have to see later this week as it comes out or find it at the episode link at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery.

Candice Wu 58:12

If some of the topics in this episode interested you, you can also go to my website at CandiceWu.com/podcast to find other episodes that relate to these topics. Some of them include the episode about the Soul and Science of Trauma. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep32, Embracing All the Parts of You at CandiceWu.com/partswork. The episode Freedom and Expansion: The Terrifying Gifts of Spiritual and Existential Crisis AKA WTF is Going on? #AmIGoingCrazy? – EP13, that’s at CandiceWu.com/ep13, and the one I mentioned earlier, Past Life Trauma: Unfolding Freedom at CandiceWu.com/ep49.

Candice Wu 59:07

I also mentioned my acupuncturist, Brent Garcia, who is awesome. I totally recommend his work. It’s super gentle yet powerful, and you can listen to his podcast at CandiceWu.com/brent. I also mentioned anger, working with anger, you can find that podcast at CandiceWu.com/anger. Feel free also to join me on my newsletter that comes out one or two times a month. This is full of self-love notes, podcast episodes that are up to date, experiential, events, workshops, retreats, and experiences that you can join in on with me. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 59:54

If you found that this podcast or the experientials or guests on the podcast have given you something, brought you in touch with something of yourself that felt important or inspires you to love yourself or anything that you connect with here, I would invite you to contribute back to the podcast and feed it, nourish it with your energy, and some donation that fits for you, feels aligned for you. You can find all that information at CandiceWu.com/patreon on how to contribute, what also rewards or gifts you can receive in return if you’d like something else that is a little bit extra, like the Embodied Healing Group or personalized meditations. And I just want you to know how much your words, you’re sharing, your contributions, all fuel me and praying each episode with love and ease.

Candice Wu 1:01:06

Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening, and today I’ll leave you with a little bit of music as we close today. And as you take in the sense that you have about your life, being the mystery, your life being the way, you being the way.

Candice Wu 1:01:31

Thank you so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This experimental is to support you in your knowing and your being, in the deep mystery of life that is you, and connecting with more of yourself, more of yourself than your mental logic and receiving messages from different parts of you, your body, your heart, your soul, your intuition, your thoughts as well.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artists sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Inspiration for This Experiential

This experiential is inspired by the episode that is connected with around energetic downloads, things you cannot explain, sensing and knowing instead of logic, as well as past life experiences that emerged for me. It’s also connected with this sense of who we are as the way of our lives, who we are and aligning with specifically who we are in order to love ourselves the deepest that we can in this life. You can listen to the introductory episode at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery.

Let’s Begin

And now, let’s jump into this experiential.

Go ahead and find a place to sit or lie down to be with yourself. Feel free to touch your heart or belly. Feel your own resonance with yourself.

Notice where your mind is. Let yourself release your attention on any of the things that are in your outer world — work, school, if you have school, stressors, relationships, daily life tasks. Invite all of that energy to turn towards yourself with great love and power, strength, wholeness, and ask nothing of your body, your heart, and your mind right now.

Feel this space of asking nothing of yourself that there’s nothing here in this moment to do, nothing to accomplish. Feel what it’s like to be in your body, right now. Be with yourself at peace and in harmony.

Feel anything that’s coming up in you. Feel free to close your eyes if you haven’t already, as you go even deeper and as we openness space together with love completely surrounding us, circling us, filling the entire space that you’re in.

And with your breath receiving and drawing in the love surrounding you, let it fill your whole body, your heart, your energy. Let it touch every single cell of your body, reminding you, reminding each cell, tissue, muscle and organ, bone and the mind of who you are, that you are this love, letting every cell be reminded that you are love.

Let this connect with the core of your being that already knows you are love, the part of you on touched by conditioning and layers of beliefs and experiences that take you away from love, take you away from knowing and truth, only to remind you of a deeper truth and knowing that you love that is connected with all love.

And we invite our mental logic, the mind the analytical part of us to step to the side of it. We let it have an open door that lets more knowing and information come in and be seen even if the mind and the logic don’t understand.

Connect with this moment, this breath that connects you with the deep mystery of life. Connect with the space of not knowing and unknowing. Letting everything that you know or think take a rest, for now, letting your feeling sense and intuition, your body, letting that all be as you sense and feel. Making yourself available, making this space for more to be known more to reveal itself to you for what is already here to show itself.

Releasing Statements

Feel free to say in your mind or out loud, “I let go for this moment of my need to know. I am in the place of not knowing. It is safe to be in uncertainty and not knowing right now.”

And as you feel those words, allow any emotion, sensation or movement to come up. There may be parts of you that resist or feel scared, feel anxious or nervous or want to fight you.

Witness all those parts of you and feel or say the words, “I am open to the deep mystery of my life. I surrender to my life as the mystery of being.”

Say, “I forgive myself for judging myself for all the times in places I did not trust my life, and for all the times in places I forced my knowing to fit into rational logic where I may have cut-off parts of myself in order to make sense.”

Tune in and feel what these words evoke in your body right now, staying with any emotions that come up.

Track what’s happening in your body with a loving witness, a gentleness that allows you to keep seeing what’s here, feeling what’s here, and if there any other words or intentions that come up to you in this moment, say them to yourself or out loud as they come to you, anything that you’re doing wisdom wants you to acknowledge or say or be open to.

And as you connect with anything that comes up, maybe there’s nothing, that’s okay too. Stay with your body and feel your hips, feel your legs, feel any part of your body that helps you feel that you are here.

We’ll conclude with the words, “I am myself. It’s safe to be me, and I embrace myself fully or I begin to embrace myself fully.”

Notice how this experience is for you right now, and what happens for you, what images and emotions, what feeling or sensation in your body, what color, texture or feel that is inside, and come back to the loving presence that we called in in the beginning — the love that’s surrounding you, that we invite here and that already is, the part of you that already knows truth and already knows who you are, that you are love, and slowly come to this moment of honoring yourself.

Honoring Yourself

Honor this time and space you’ve taken, honor who you are. Appreciate who you are or what you can appreciate in this moment, and go to the simplest things, appreciating that you’re alive right now.

Thank yourself for being with yourself in this little space and time and slowly start to move your body or your hands to allow movement or self-touch that is soothing, connecting or calming, and as you open your eyes, notice the things around you that make you feel like yourself or support you — colors that you like objects that look pleasant, nature. Look at your surroundings and just feel that you’re here.

Closing

And as we close today, I’ll leave you with a little bit of music to bring an open the senses even more into the space that you’re in, this life, this body that is your vessel and temple that moves you through life and that you get to create with, you get to partner with in this deep mystery of life that is you.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and if you’re interested in checking out more healing experientials or meditations go to my website at CandiceWu.com/podcast. Also, there are interviews and experientials by other practitioners and guests.

It’s great to be here with you today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about what to do when you spiral downward. You know, when you have an upset or something happens and you just can’t seem to get back on track and everything seems to be going wrong, and you feel horrible. This is the episode for you.

Candice Wu 0:19

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:33

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:54

So, I’m in Spain, it’s a dark night, I’m sitting, looking over the coastline. And behind me are mountains. I can hear crickets. I can see lights. And as I look out onto the seascape, it’s really cool because there’s I think a cruise boat out there, because all I can see are a small row of lights on the water. But the interesting thing is the water and the sky are just blending into one dark nothingness, like one mass. And the stars in the sky, are right in the same field as this cruise ship block of lights, and all the lights on the water are moving a little bit, and just blurring in with the stars in the sky.

Candice Wu 1:54

And around me, you might be able to hear some dogs barking. Things here Here are slow, and really beautiful, but all sorts of things unpredictable. So, I decided to do this podcast outside here at night. And I hope that these dog barking sounds are not going to bother you too much because really wanted to share about the sites that I’ve been having here, and the ways that I’ve been working through my own spiraling down.

Candice Wu 2:31

So, what do you do when you are feeling like you’re going down on a spiral? You know what I’m talking about, right? When you get triggered by something, something upsets you. And things just seem to go worse from there. Everything just goes downhill or you feel like it is, you feel like nothing can go right for you, and this happens and then that happens and you’re overwhelmed.

Candice Wu 3:01

So what do you do? Yes, even healers or therapists have those kinds of experiences. For me, it’s just about knowing what to do with them, being able to witness that and to allow it to happen without us throwing me way of course, but to be able to come back to some grounding. My most recent experience of that was just last week. So, I’m in Spain, and I just arrived here about two weeks ago, the first week was kind of prescribed for me, I was spending time with my partner’s family. So, that was easy. I knew where I was staying, was just jet lag and adjustment. And then the following week, week and a half thereafter, we had been looking for a place to stay more long term.

Candice Wu 3:49

And what started it all, this series of a downward spiral from me was that the flight from Majorca, Spain to Malaga, was canceled. And it was canceled, like super late at night, at one in the morning. And with language issues, and late night, trying to figure this out, we ended up staying in a hotel for two nights more, negotiating with the airline and all of the timing of the flights, trying to figure out when the next flight would go out. Each of the flights was complicated, they weren’t just a direct flight anymore, I would have to take two flights or an extra bus. And all the while I have clients scheduled, I don’t schedule them on the same day as my travels. But given that it was three days after that we actually flew, it was interfering with my clients’ schedule, which I do not like.

Candice Wu 4:47

So, for me, it felt like everything was not going my way. Because of the flight cancellation, the rental car company canceled in an entire reservation for 45 days, which was a really good deal until it got canceled. And so we spent time trying to reinstate these and it was not easy, it took hours.

Candice Wu 5:12

And then getting to Spain, I was having a hard time finding a long term place. And so, moving every couple of days isn’t ideal. So, that’s a little behind the scenes. And that’s what sent me in a bit of a downward spiral, especially adjusting to Spain itself. And I felt overwhelmed. I felt stressed out, anxious because it didn’t know how much things would cost me just rubbing up against all of my scarcity, fears, and all the things that rush up when I’m feeling that kind of overwhelm and unpredictability.

Candice Wu 5:51

So, when I’m having a hard time believing that everything is in support of me, everything is going my way, which I like to believe. I love to believe that the universe is supporting me and everything and that each thing is something that I’m creating and drawing towards so that I can learn a deeper lesson. So, I can know myself more deeply.

Candice Wu 6:12

I love thinking this way. But when I’m in this sort of downward spiral, when I’m triggered and believing everything that’s coming up, even for moments, I can forget about the joy of knowing myself, this opportunity to know myself more deeply. So, can you relate to that? Is this something you experience?

Candice Wu 6:35

My guess is yes. And I’m curious what you do to support yourself. There’s a time for healing and transforming. What comes up, and I think that’s the basis of a lot of the work I do with myself and people. So, take the triggers that come up, work with them to resolve them. And then it’s clear, you get to the root of the issue or you work in layers, so you get to that place. And then you feel more at ease coming into any situation.

Candice Wu 7:08

So, that’s definitely part of my philosophy, and there’s a time for that. And making that inner space. There’s also a time to sift and feel into safety, feel into a different vibrational alignment, and to support yourself in moving forward so that you can deal with life at hand.

Candice Wu 7:34

So, in this episode, I want to offer a couple of different ideas for you that come from my personal experience, the things that I literally did last week and continue to do so that I can be okay each day. And some days are better than others. But so that I can move forward in a way that I can do my daily activities and tasks, and feel more grounded.

Candice Wu 8:01

One of the things that was very apparent to me, something I’ve been working with, is vibrational alignment to the source. Source is the source of everything, and it’s the clearest and most pure energy of consciousness that we can touch into. It is the divine energy of creation, it is oneness, it is self with a big S, the self, that’s the same self as every other being. So, it’s that energy that gives life to creation.

Candice Wu 8:34

It’s quite a big concept and it’s not something that I always resonated with. But the more healing I did, the more I was able to feel into that source energy. It’s a feeling of complete clarity inside my body, clearness rather, and openness, expansion and space, simplicity and knowing. It’s both joyful and neutral, at the same time. It’s calm, loving, and witnessing. I’ve been listening to Abraham Hicks who channels the ideas around aligning with your vibration and your source energy. And this was just coming back to me over and over again during this process of me spiraling downward.

Candice Wu 9:22

So, the premise of that is that if you will align to the source energy, if you align to source vibrationally in your energy, in your feeling sense, then you will attract all the things that you desire and you will create from this joyful expansive place, and therefore receive all that is readily and easily there for you to receive.

Candice Wu 9:52

So, here I am in the middle of my process thinking, “Okay, how can I touch into this vibrational alignment of myself where then I can get the flight that I want to get?” Which is not tapping into source because that energy of being vibrational the aligned with the deepest part of yourself, it doesn’t care where what flight you get, it doesn’t need to have control. And when there is control, there’s some resistance, there’s an opposition to some part of your experience or what you don’t want to have, what you fear. And so I was trying to use that alignment to get what I wanted, which was just only, you know, I was very aware I was trying to do that, but and it wasn’t working, and yet I was still trying to do it.

Candice Wu 10:41

But how do you really do it? And that is tapping into that energy in any way you can. One way to do it is to touch into anytime you have felt the sort of expansive energy, where you trusted that everything was going right for you, and that you felt in joy about it, and you felt that you loved how much things are going right for you and that everything from that view is in alignment, everything is going right for you.

Candice Wu 11:14

So, if you’ve had an experience where you’ve trusted, and it didn’t matter what the outcome was, and it probably was a very likable outcome, desirable outcome, but that it really didn’t matter, you were okay with either way, or whatever way it went. Or even if it went in a way that you mentally would think, “Oh, I don’t really want that.” You still experienced it in a way that felt grounded and rooted in yourself, that you could move through that, with grace.

Candice Wu 11:50

If you tap into the energy of that kind of experience, especially if you’ve had one before you can feel into your body, into your heart, your body sensations and how your body is, to feel the vibration of that memory. And then apply that vibration to your experience now. Stay in that vibration, and feel into the present moment with it. And just stay there and allow that to grow in you so that you feel even more and more in that source energy, in the vibrational alignment of yourself, where nothing that really happens on the outside could shake you.

Candice Wu 12:35

And as you feel into that, another thing that you can do is to feel into the idea of divine creative energy. The pure light, pure white light, or black ray light. And what that means to me is it’s the clearest energy of light that I can possibly feel into. White light or white ray lights, or blue lack ray light, have different qualities to me, and it’s similar to a sense of the purest, Yin and Yang. But light energy having beauty and vital force, that’s clear of any belief sets, that’s clear of anything that limits it, it’s just clear, crystal clear light, love, alignment.

Candice Wu 13:27

And you can let that light energy run through your body. Imagine crystal clear light running through your whole body, this container and cleansing it of any energy that doesn’t align with it. And the same with black ray energy, or black ray of light. It’s from deep into the core of the earth, the deepest you can get. It’s a creative energy that has also destruction and power and force, but is also clear of any limiting beliefs, any beliefs of our society, and can cleanse you and give you all the innate powers that you are meant to have, that you do have, that may be restrained or unclaimed,

Candice Wu 14:21

You may have a different sense of white ray lights and black ray lights, and I encourage you to tune into that and cultivate that for yourself, whatever is the most deepest source energy you can touch into that clears you and freeze you have any belief set and any feeling that’s happening in your body. And as I said before, this is not something I resonated with earlier on, when I had a lot more trauma in my body, lot more unresolved feelings, and didn’t have the capacity to feel through what was going on in my body. I’ve totally rejected all of these ideas, it felt like to whoo, whoo, it felt like it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even know how to do that.

Candice Wu 15:06

And as I built my capacity and a clearer container in this body, a nervous system that was more grounded, then I was able to tap into source energy more often and more easily. But you can still see, given my experience of what I just described to you in Spain, I’m still human, and I can fall off of that and struggle to get back on. And that’s just another level of what I’m here to heal for myself. So, the idea is that you can tap into yourself, your alignment, where you can vibrate with source energy with the divine energy of creation, with clear light.

Candice Wu 15:50

And that you can feel into this energy that’s independent of any of your circumstances, then you can be who you want to be from here, and act from this place. And then you could have all that’s coming your way, because it’s all available. It all starts from that alignment inside with this energy. It’s all transformable.

Candice Wu 16:14

One of my spiritual and yoga teachers, Jim Kulackoski, he was actually on the podcast, you can find it at CandiceWu.com/jim. He describes this very well. A lot of times people think that if we have things, we can do things, and then we can be happy, like, if we have money, we can do more activities or do what we want to do. And then we can be happy or joyful. But it’s actually the other way around, that the universe works, the way that our intentions manifest to reality. And the way that our inner world creates the outer world, it’s the opposite instead of “have”, “do”, and “be”, it’s “be”, “do”, and “have”.

Candice Wu 16:57

So, if you touch into who you’re being, and from a place of being, like what I’m saying here about being in your vibrational alignment, then you can do an act from that place, and have all the abundance that is there. So, it’s about being aligned in yourself in truth, clear of the ideas and beliefs sets that limit to and not narrow your vision, but the expansive truth that there’s all possibility. And that you can tune into that possibility, to act from that place where you’re not expecting everything from the outside to confirm your reality.

Candice Wu 17:46

But that the reality is already confirmed, to the reality of who you are, is already in place, then the universe and the world around you acts in agreement with that. If we’re living from a place where we fear not having enough, let’s say not having enough money, or not being enough in ourselves, then we send that vibration out. And the world around us confirms the fear that we send out. It matches that vibration, because it’s a narrow vibration, it’s a narrow vision, and we’re looking for just the exact right thing that can make us feel better.

Candice Wu 18:29

We ask too much of the world around us and we miss out on all of the ways the universe is trying to give us what we want. And we also tighten up the abundance around us, we tighten up the energy. So, we just get scarcity, we just get lack, we just get confirmation of the belief set that we fear.

Candice Wu 18:52

And just one more thing about tuning into your aligned self is that it’s transcending all of the beliefs that as they said, the white ray and black ray of light is free of belief sets, the beliefs of your conscious self as well as your unconscious self, the things that live in your body. That’s what creates your vibration, the sensation you feel when something happens. And if you distill that down, it’s the belief that you’re unworthy or that you’re ugly, or that you’re not allowed to express yourself.

Candice Wu 19:32

Whatever beliefs that it is, if you feel it even, whether or not you know the words of the belief, that’s the energy that you’re vibrating with. And if you act from that energy, you will inevitably confirm that belief somewhere or another or at least you’ll perceive it that way, you’ll see the world through that lens. And tapping into source energy is going beyond those beliefs, it’s going to the oneness and all possibility, it’s going to Om the vibration of all possibility.

Candice Wu 20:11

So, that sense of tuning into your vibrational alignment is just one way to work with when you spiral out of control or when you spiral downward into a really tough feeling. If that’s not easy for you, as I mentioned, it wasn’t easy for me, let’s try a couple of other things.

Candice Wu 20:32

This is something that helps me almost immediately, when I’m feeling that emotional spiral downward, is to just stop and orient myself to look around. This is a somatic experiencing practice. And it reminds you that you’re actually safe, right here and now, despite what you’re feeling inside, despite the fear inside, or the anxiety, or the overwhelm, that you’re literally physically safe. So if you look around your space and look at pleasant things around you, especially beautiful things, and you take the time to breathe that in, and to feel that you’re here. And you get to see this pretty thing in front of you or this nice view.

Candice Wu 21:26

If you’re in your room or house, look for things, objects that you like to look at, or look out the window and look at a tree. If you’re even in a more beautiful place like Spain or somewhere else, look towards that cityscape or seascape, whatever it is. And feel gratitude for your breath, feel that you are safe and alive. Your body is here and working. It’s healthy, healthy enough to be listening to this podcast right now and breathing.

Candice Wu 22:07

If you have food, acknowledge that and feel appreciation for the fact that you can eat. And this is not to get yourself or shame yourself for feeling other things, or to criticize yourself that, “Oh, you should be feeling grateful because you have these basic things.” It’s more so to help you feel safety, it’s to bring back the grounding and the realization that here and now, you are truly alive and safe, and okay.

Candice Wu 22:45

And as you feel into that, just let any emotions come up that wants to come up, let what you feel in your heart be felt. Feel into any grief or sadness, or loss or anger, or if joy and relaxation are here feel into that.

Candice Wu 23:13

And if you did feel into any of the challenging feelings, take a few moments, or breaths to feel into the good feelings.

Candice Wu 23:24

I don’t like to label things as good and bad but there are ones that are more pleasurable. And so feel into the pleasurable emotion with a part of you that can take a deeper breath.

Candice Wu 23:40

The part of you that enjoys looking at whatever you’re looking at.

Candice Wu 23:45

The part of you that appreciates being alive.

Candice Wu 23:51

So, just the simple thing of acknowledging the basic safety, that you are okay, that you are safe right now, can support your nervous system in coming down, getting grounded and realizing it’s safety. And then you can take the next step and look at whatever challenge you’re looking at in your life or take the next step of what you need to do. But come back often to that sense of safety that you can find for yourself.

Candice Wu 24:31

I want to offer two more things today, and one of them is “soft touch”. The body is the container for all of the emotions and sensations we feel and also the transformer of those emotions. It transmutes those emotions, so that you can come back to safety, pleasure, enjoyment, and handle challenging emotion. So, if your body is tuned into all of those capacities to feel, then you can stay with emotion and let it move pretty easily.

Candice Wu 25:11

But if it’s feeling overwhelming, or there are certain emotions that you feel a bit stuck with, then that can get stuck in the body, it doesn’t quite move and you can perpetually feel that way or feel that it’s not getting better.

Candice Wu 25:28

With that either way, I recommend doing a bit of self-touch, and that’s just touching your body from head to toe. And as basic or simple as that sounds, it’s incredibly helpful for the body and the nervous system and even your heart.

Candice Wu 25:43

So, if you want to try it with me, go ahead and take your hands and start with the top of your head and just feel your head, touch with firm pressure or a light tapping, squeeze, see what kind of touch feels good, get curious.

Candice Wu 26:07

You can travel down the body just by touching the face, the ears, do it slowly so your body and your awareness can sync up, that you can integrate how it’s feeling.

Candice Wu 26:22

And take the time to notice what kinds of pressure or sensation, what kind of touch feels good on the body.

Candice Wu 26:33

And when you move down the body to different parts, get a sense of every part of your body. Let your awareness be with yourself and hang out in places that feel like they want more support, you can even cross your arms and do a self-hug. And if you squeeze while you do a self hug, you remind the body is even more of the container you can hold from the outside instead of tensing up and grouping in with the muscles on the inside.

Candice Wu 27:09

And this whole process of self-touch of the body from head to toe is really about reminding your body, your awareness of your body, that you have a body, reminding your awareness that this body can help you with all the emotions, that you have breath that can help you as well. And giving the grounding to the body, so that it can digest whatever you’re experiencing, both pleasant and unpleasant.

Candice Wu 27:48

So, if you’re doing that with me, now feel free to make your way down to your hips and your legs, down to your ankles. Do it at your pace, so that you feel in control of yourself and your choices, that you can navigate your body how you want to, it’s your body. And this body can help you move through all of what you’re feeling.

Candice Wu 28:25

And when you’re complete with that, just notice how your body feels.

Candice Wu 28:40

The last thing I want to offer today is more of a cognitive process and touching into your inner wisdom. And it’s just when you feel like you’re in a negative spiral or going downhill with your emotions are and things aren’t going right. just take a breath, a deep breath. Do some of the self-touch if you want to. But then ask yourself, “what do I need to support myself or to make this more comfortable?” “What do I need to move forward?” “What do I need in general?”

Candice Wu 29:24

And just listen to the inner voice in you that might whisper or give you a signal, or an image or a knowing of what you need.

Candice Wu 29:34

And even tuning into the thought or picture of what you need, can bring a sense of relief to the body. See what that does for you if you ask yourself, “What do I need?” And just picture having what you need.

Candice Wu 30:01

And with that, you might ask yourself, “What’s next?” “What next step do I need to take?” And do it with love and compassion, rather than letting yourself tangled up with the thoughts or the emotions of what’s going on for this moment, you can work with those later. Just ask yourself what do I need to do next, just take one tiny baby step.

Candice Wu 30:31

So, just want to wrap up today and let you know that there will be a couple of meditations, healing experiences that come out later this week that support you in this downward spiral and helping yourself out of that dark hole. And some of those exercises are ones that we talked about today on the podcast. Tune in if you’d like to, if it helps you and feel free to share this with someone who might need it. I know that I often get resources from friends at the just the right times or I can draw upon them from previous times someone has dropped something into my periphery.

Candice Wu 31:12

So, if someone in your life needs something like this, feel free to refer them to this podcast and the meditations that will follow. Thanks so much for listening today. I love hearing your feedback, your ideas, things that you need or are thinking about things are challenged with. So, feel free to reach out to me. I’d love for you to stay in touch as well on the Embody Community, which is the Facebook group where there are five to 10 minutes, self-love tips and meditations that you can check out, there are videos instead of podcasts.

Candice Wu 31:48

If you’re wanting some more personal support, feel free to reach out to me. I do one-on-one intuitive healing sessions, and love working with people online. So, from anywhere in the world, go ahead and find me on my page, CandiceWu.com or sign up to receive my newsletters at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 32:07

Wishing you well and just sending all of this peaceful, mostly peaceful energy from Spain. Just looking out at the cityscape now, it’s dark. You’ve heard the dogs around me. I hope that wasn’t too bothersome. But this is just part of the noise set that’s here, where I am.

Candice Wu 32:37

Thanks so much for joining me, and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This is a healing experience around dealing with overwhelm and supporting your body, and feeling grounded, releasing stress or any emotions you’re feeling, and coming back to embodiment, coming back to feeling like you can take the next step in your life.

You can listen to the full episode, introducing this topic around alignment when you’re feeling like you’re spiraling downward or overwhelmed at CandiceWu.com/alignment.

This particular healing experience is going to provide a couple of simple techniques that can support your body, and feeling calmer, grounded, safe and resourced, so that you can move towards the next part of your day or take a breath and pause.

And while these techniques are simple, they might sound a little stupid at times, but they’re actually really powerful for the nervous system in feeling that your body can support you through whatever you’re feeling.

Support Yourself

So, if you’re ready to jump in together, go ahead and find a comfortable space for yourself, and make yourself feel as comfortable as you can with pillows or blankets, anything you’d like.

As you let yourself arrive here, notice a couple of breaths going in and out, without changing them at all. Without trying to control your breath. Feel the temperature and the quality of your breath.

And now, take a look around your space wherever you are, and notice the things that look pleasant to you. Maybe its colors or objects, flowers are out the window, just to let your body orient and settle.

Notice how you feel as you notice something pleasant, and as you remind yourself that you are safe right here and now, that if you’re even listening to this audio right now, that you are in a safe place, you are alive, you’re breathing, you are here.

And now, we’re going to shift into a little bit of supportive touch.

This is to remind the body that it has a way to move all the emotions and to heal, and to feel grounded.

So, just taking your hands and letting yourself touch the very top of your head. See what kind of touch feels good if it’s pressing or tapping, squeezing, scratching.

Go for pleasure and soothing, and as you feel the head, the back of the head and the sides.

Go at your own pace, and notice that you have this head, you have this face that allows you to move through life.

Whatever kind of touch you’re doing, if you can slow it down so that your awareness can integrate with what you’re doing.

Notice any sensations that are happening on the inside or a breath shift.

Make your way down to your neck and your shoulders, and as you come towards your arms, feel into if you’d like to give yourself a hug by just crossing your arms and squeezing the opposite arm, hugging inward with some pressure, an amount of pressure that feels good for you, just sending that assurance to your body that you are here for yourself, no matter what.

Feel the torso, giving your body at the torso any kind of touch that feels supportive and reassuring, and this is a reminder to the body that it has a way to contain all the emotions and experiences that you’re having.

Not to hold them in, but to process them or digest them. Feel the sides of your body, your back your belly, and as you feel into your hips, feel the weight of your body.

If it’s sitting down or lying down, notice the heaviness of gravity towards whatever you’re on.

Take a little time with the legs, giving them any kind of touch they want. Maybe it’s a touch that’s not moving at all or a soft scratch.

Feel the knees and the backs of the knees.

Let yourself hang out where the body feels good, and touch all the way down here calves and your ankles, your feet. Make sure to touch every one of those toes.

A little playful quality to your body as well, that your body’s here.

Each part of your body is accounted for, and you get to soothe your body just by this touch that feels good.

And wherever the body needs a little extra support, maybe it’s your throat or your chest or belly or a spot that feels tension or pain. Bring your hand or hands to touch that spot without trying to do anything. Just let your hand be there and notice what happens.

Let yourself soften into any feeling that supportive for you, any sensation that you like. If your hand feels good, feeling into that and just letting your edges soften.

What’s Next?

Notice that you are safe right now. And whatever it is that you’re stressing about or if something triggered you or just daily life, just ask yourself now: what’s next?

Sometimes, asking what’s next, just helps you take the next step forward without going into everything that’s going on, and sometimes making it worse or feeling triggered all over again.

There’s definitely a time to go into those things and heal those wounds or work with those triggers. But for today: what’s next?

And ask yourself: what do you need to support yourself or to make this next step more comfortable? Listen to whatever you receive from inside.

It’s like asking and listening, without any filter or judgment. What do you need to support yourself? Empower yourself or make the next step more comfortable.

Whatever that is, if something came to you, go ahead and imagine receiving that, and if nothing came to you, just let that be an inquiry, a question that you carry around and are open for the answers or imagine that you know exactly what you need to support yourself or feel more comfortable.

Notice Your Body

As you’re imagining, receiving all this now, feel what happens in your body.

Allow yourself to receive that and to feel more comfortable. It is okay to feel more ease, more comfort, the port.

Take your time and spend more time with yourself with any supportive touch or asking and listening: what’s next? What do you need?

Let yourself feel into your body, receiving and marinating in any of the grounded feelings or pleasant feelings inside.

That’s the best way to boost the healing and the grounding that’s already happening. It’s letting your body do its job.

Closing

And as you’re here, I’ll leave you with a little extra time, quiet time with yourself so you can stay with whatever you’re feeling or do anything else that your body would like in terms of supportive touch, and you’ll know the healing experiences over when the music comes on.

Introduction

Hello and welcome to the healing experience around Source Energy, aligning with source.

Check out the full episode introducing the topic of alignment and transcending the beliefs and stress that we have, the overwhelm, at CandiceWu.com/alignment.

And if you’re ready to jump in with me to get in touch, connect back to source, your essence, your energy, that is the energy of the universe, then let’s do it.

Let’s Align!

So find a comfortable space that you can ease into this experience.

As you do, go ahead and just release all the day so far, let go of work, let go of any stress that’s on your table, any activation or triggers that you’ve had today.

If you have been spiraling downward, just forget about it for now, let your attention release from it, the grip on it, release, and bring that attention right inward to your body.

And just letting some very big deep breaths go all the way down to your belly, down to your hips, down to your legs, and your feet.

And we will open this space of our connection and your connection with yourself with clear, crystal clear light surrounding you, surrounding us, filling you up into every single cell of your body, into your muscles, into your bones, into your heart and spirit, connecting right up with the source of you, the core of your being that’s deep in the heart. And that source that’s connected with every single being in this universe, that is the universe, the energy of source.

Connect with Source Energy

And as we’re here, we will connect with two aspects of source energy, the light, and dark.

And so first, just connecting with crystal clear white light, white ray light.

The energy and light of simplicity, clarity, free, completely free of any belief sets that you have, or the world has. Free of fears. It knows every possibility, crystal clear.

Just allow yourself to feel into the white ray light that has order, love, in its purest forms without any conditions, knowing, intuition, the ability to see, feel, and know on many levels of our being, the energy that is transparent, clear, movable yet coherent and organized.

And as you feel into those words, that energy, your sense of this white light, allow yourself to feel what you feel, and to get curious about that experience, whatever it is.

And if the words I’m saying don’t relate to you or resonate, just let go of them and feel what you feel as you feel into the light.

And now let’s feel into darkness, black ray light.

Feel that energy, deep into the earth, beyond the physicality of the earth and into the energy. The darkness that holds all creativity, sensuality, desire, chaos, yet, creative chaos.

Dark energy that also is clear of belief sets, clear of limitations.

It holds every single emotion that becomes a tool for creativity, a tool for co-creation and collaboration. Feel into this energy that is a vital force of your power, the energy of all possibility as well, in its multiple forms, movable, playful, silly.

And again, feel into what it is for you, as you sense into dark light.

Both Dark and Light

And now allow yourself to sense both, the duality of light and dark, beyond belief set, beyond mind, beyond the things we think are possible.

And if your mind is thinking about it, don’t even go there, just let it go. Bring your attention to just what is your experience, feel your experience right here and now as we’re connecting in this way.

And letting the light energy cleanse you of any of the stressors you’ve had, the belief sets that you have been triggered by or holding about yourself or the world.

Letting the light shine into the crevices where you’re not even aware you have a belief set that hinders you.

Letting the light just clear you all the way through the body and bring you to source, to your alignment, to who you are, that you are the universe, the universe is you.

You have every energy within you just as the universe has and you are part of this greater intricate hole, and all that is possible, all the energies that are needed for any step are within you. All that knowing of the stars is the knowing in you.

And as you’re here, let your body take this experience in. With every experience you’re having, notice any emotion, sensation, that is any desire to move or movement that’s happening.

Allow any images or thoughts to be noticed. Allow them to move without getting stuck or gripping on or sinking the thoughts, just witnessing everything that’s happening inside.

And every breath reconnecting with source energy, source energy being pure consciousness and pure being.

You’re in vital energy that knows every single possibility and knows that possibility is possible. Truth. Allowing truth to resonate in you in the deepest of your knowing.

Take your own time here, your own pace, connecting with the light or dark or both.

We’re letting one or the other or both cleanse your energies inside, cleanse the body as if it could just go right through and clean up any belief sets that don’t belong, that aren’t true.

Closing

I’ll leave you with some time and space here with yourself and as you feel ready to come out of it, just move at your pace and move or stretch your body if you need, and open the eyes when you’re complete and you’ll hear a little music at the end and you’ll know this healing experience is over.

Introduction

When we want to feel something, but we’re feeling the opposite, or when we are told that everything is within us, how does that actually work?

This healing experience today will support you in resourcing a part of your energy to strengthen and cultivate that within you so that you feel stronger in it.

We do have all the energies within us just some come easier than others and perhaps we’re conditioned to feel into certain parts of us more than others.

And here’s where you can really resource your energy, meaning use something that already is from you, from source and resource it, so bring it forward into your life now where you need it the most.

You can listen to the full episode around Alignment with Source and dealing with overwhelm, a day that you’re spiraling downward at CandiceWu.com/alignment.

So let’s jump into this healing experience.

What Do You Want to Feel?

What I’ve found is that when I feel stressed, or really sad or overwhelmed, that it absolutely helps to bring myself to something that feels more pleasant, something else that I’d prefer to feel not to resist what I’m feeling or avoid it.

But to help my nervous system, remember that I have felt differently and remember its own power. It also helps the nervous system heal what’s already going on because it feels, then, a bit safer and more powerful, more resourced. The capacity to heal expands.

So if you’re feeling that grief, that’s really challenging, and you really want to feel joy and perhaps you want to resource joy, a time that you felt really joyful or if you’re feeling like what you crave, and where you get stuck in your life is feeling like you need a certain kind of feeling that you get from somebody.

What is that feeling? Pinpoint, what is it that you want to feel that makes you feel dependent on someone else?

Calling Upon An Experience

And can you resource a time where you felt it even a tiny bit, so that you can cultivate that energy in your life?

Can you resource the experience that you have while you’re with that other person so that you can build it within yourself, that it is a part of your energy being, your personality? So this is all about that resourcing energy.

Let’s Practice

So let’s take a moment to find a comfortable space to be in and do this together.

When you feel ready, close, your eyes or look down and just let your body arrive here. Let the whirlwind of the day or whatever’s happened already today go, on its own.

Bring all of your awareness closer and closer to your body, closer and closer to the center of your being.

Feel free to put your hand on your heart or your belly.

Breathe in through the nose, if you can, and out of your mouth with a soft sound like, “Haaah”. Do it slowly so that you can feel the release come out as if you could see smoke coming out of your mouth. That “Haaah” sound connects right with the heart and releases any stress or toxicity, any emotions that are ready to move.

And now ask yourself, as you’re in the stress you are in or the overwhelm or anything, even if it’s a more mild feeling, “What do you want to feel? What do you want to cultivate in yourself.”

Give yourself a few moments to open to what it is that you want to feel or cultivate.

If you need more time, feel free to pause here and jump back in when you’re ready. And if you’re ready to go on, here we go.

Recalling A Memory

I now invite you to open up your whole memory bank with ease and just let yourself land on a time you felt the thing that you want to feel.

When was a time in your entire life you felt this way?

Doesn’t matter if it was a tiny bit or a lot. It doesn’t matter if something else happened after it. But that moment in time that you felt what do you want to feel or what you want to cultivate. And go right into that memory or experience.

Imagine the picture of this memory and that you could just step right into this picture, setting yourself into wherever you were at the time, whoever was around you.

Notice your surroundings, including sound, smells, tastes, what you were wearing, or how you were moving, and pinpoint just the moment that you felt this exact feeling that you want to feel and immerse yourself in it.

Let your body experience that part all over again and let it expand as much as it wants to expand.

And don’t worry if it’s just a little bit, that’s okay. Every little bit of practice only increases and enhances this.

Notice how your body feels with this energy, or this emotion or experience that you wanted to feel, that you have from this memory.

And now imagine that you could bring that energy to your present-day self, that part of you that felt this way.

Bringing Together the Polarities

Invite that part of you to turn towards your present-day self, that’s feeling the opposite or feeling something else.

And see what happens as those two parts of you notice each other. There’s no expectation or “shoulds” here, your experience is whatever happens. What might they say to each other?

Notice your emotions and how you feel as this happens. Notice if there are any messages from one to the other, or any exchange of energy.

Repeat or Close

Feel free to take your time here to feel into what happens and if you’d like, you can try it again with two more memories to strengthen and reinforce that what you want to feel, to resource parts of yourself that have already been there, and just repeat the whole process again.

Or, feel free to stay right where you are right now and just let this land even deeper in you.

If this was challenging for you or not easy to get to, just know that it takes a little bit of practice to connect with different memories or experiences that are pleasant.

Sometimes other emotions get in the way and sometimes it’s hard to even feel in the body.

So thank yourself for even trying this and doing a piece of resourcing work with yourself, empowerment work.

As you just let yourself breathe and feel into your body here, rest and integrate just without any effort and I’ll leave you with some quiet time to do so and some music at the end as you close and complete your practice today.