Candice Wu 0:00
What an interesting time to be alive. Right now, the world is facing a huge collective experience with the Coronavirus, COVID–19. And this episode is about some thoughts I have, what I'm going through, and some ways that we can harvest the wisdom and cultivate the medicine from the underbellies of what we're experiencing.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

This episode is brought to you all the way from Mexico. When I first chose to come here, I came on the intention that I wanted to surrender, surrender to what my inner guidance said for me, which meant not making a million plans. But I still made one plan and that was to come home, well, go back to the US on April 1st and go to spend a month in California with my mentor with Horse Constellation, Sarah Fancy, and learn more from her.

So I made that plan for myself to come back and here I am, going along on my trip, and every bit of the way, I'm asking myself, what feels aligned now? What do I want to do now even if I had a previous idea, or desire, what is it now? Where am I called to go now?

And what happened when I continue to commit to that was I landed here south of Puerto Vallarta, on the ocean, on the Pacific, through a family friend, and I felt incredibly lucky. And as I arrived here, I needed a huge rest. This happened right before the US began to feel or began to make changes and feel the concern for coronavirus. And so here I am. And as time goes on, and I'm watching everything happen, Mexico's not quite responding the same way to the virus, everything seems to be going on, as “normal” here, but a few cases popping up.

Then, just last week, the border closed. The Mexican US border closed to non-essential travel. And I knew, looking ahead, prior to that happening, I had seen what happened when the border close to Europe and all the people flooded into the States, and I just thought I do not want to be stuck in that. And I thought, well, I'll definitely miss that and then still try to go April 1st. Well, I don't think so.

So when I chose to surrender, I surrendered here in the feeling that I actually wanted to stay and as the border closed, it gave me that uncomfortable feeling of: Do you really, are you really doing this?

And I did.

So I'm still here and there's a way in which I don't want to get stuck here. You know, some people are asking me, are you going to get stuck over there? Well, I kind of want to. And when I just claimed it, I want to be here. That felt really good and it felt right. It felt aligned with my whole body.

And in fact, it's quite a safe place for me to be considering my circumstances here. And what you're hearing is the Pacific Ocean, the waves crashing against some rocks. You might be hearing some birds here and there. There are lots of pelicans that make their dive, their beaks go straight into the water to catch the fish. It's so fun to watch, delightful.

Today, it's sunny but with a soft, hazy, clear sky look across the water.

So I'm hoping that this ocean sends you whatever you need in this great mystery of what's happening for us as a collective and for you individually, just imagining all of the mystery underneath the waters and how the ocean washes ashore back and forth and cleans up what it needs to all on its own and houses the depths.

What an extraordinary time we are living in and right now, people are experiencing all sorts of things. It's a giant range. I've heard people feeling the best they've ever felt in 10 years. And I've heard people are experiencing really scary, painful experiences like their loved ones getting sick, losing their job. We see the headlines in the news and for many that feeds the fear, it makes it build inside. And what I like to do is just slow down and pause, and feel where that fear is really coming from, is it mine or is it the collective? And see what you want to do with that?

If you want to release the collective fear, the collective emotions, do so. You can imagine that as color releasing from your body. Notice where that is in your body and release it and if it's yours, see what you want to do with it, you can be with it and be present, really look at it. And if it feels overwhelming, take a break.

When there is a big collective experience like this, there is a giant chance for a reset and lots of messages that can be collectively and personally harvested.

Our interconnectedness is one that many people have spoken about how interconnected we are not just with people, but with the planet and animals and the effect that we each have, and that businesses have and that groups have, countries have on the planet and each other. And we're seeing this play out in a very mass massive effect.

Some people are learning about self-sustainability and going back to the basics, discarding, trimming out the fat, doing only what's essential, maybe learning to cook for the first time. And some people are experiencing a lot of time for self-care, to put themselves first in a way where they experience the world slowing down and freeing them up in this way. But all this can stir. All this that's happening can stir up different fears, beliefs, past life stuff, ancestral stuff, relationships with money, relationships with ourselves, what we're going through with death.

When I think about past life and ancestry, I think about all the things that we have gone through as a collective. I think about what my specific ancestry has gone through. I think about the wisdom that I've heard through many people in their ancestors, of the things that they've gone through, and how they've been resilient through them.

So our ancestors have gone through stuff like this immigration, war, seeking refuge, death, illnesses, having to be minimalistic, or perhaps even starvation experiences or near starvation.

And the thing is, you're here. If you're listening to this, you are here. You are alive and your ancestry made it. And what this brings me to is the question of what can you draw upon in the wisdom, in the medicine of your ancestry, and the resilience and the strength of your ancestry, to support you in the now, even if it's just being present with them and imagining them, feeling their presence.

I believe that each of us has a very special message, many messages locked within this experience that we're going through and on a deeper spiritual level that we even co-created this to learn something.

The virus says to me, I'm the energy of making radical change. I'll make a sharp and quick impact and accelerate and magnify whatever it is you're already needing to learn, and that you actually deeply know.

So here's a chance to become very present with your real lived experience. And, all the stuff that stirs up because of it that is part of perhaps what's been undigested from the past, in your history of life, whatever wants to be looked at might come up right now. Where you have dependencies and attachments might come up right now and the beliefs underneath that, past life stuff and ancestry stuff might come up, to be looked at, to be integrated, to be brought into the mix of what you can see and be with, and notice within your embodied visceral experience.

So while there are real functional things that need to happen, or that you may need to support you, like yes, get food, yes, wash your hands, and all of those things, when you have a feeling of fear or anxiety or sadness or something, if you stay a little longer, what reveals itself? If you honor the sensations in your body and listen without trying to push it, what happens next?

If you don't take all your thoughts for face value, but witness, what is it like to be in my body with these thoughts?

Then some of these, can begin to digest and integrate, and perhaps it can reveal more for you.

So whatever it is you're experiencing in this time, I wish for you: presence with yourself. I know that we all wish each other to be healthy and I absolutely wish you to be healthy and at peace and well and safe. And if you're not feeling that or if you're not feeling healthy, or you are sick, or someone you know is not well, notice how it's touching you. Perhaps, let it change you. Be with the process, be with the transformation, and experience it in and of itself, for the most part of our human experience.

So I invite you to look whatever it is you're experiencing in the face. And even if it's for just one moment, one breath, that's great. Take a break. Come back and try it again and see what happens.

I'm here today too, if you'd like to take a moment with me and just tune into your specific alignment and what you need to be doing right now, what your focus of energy and attention is, we can do that together.

So I invite you to place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly or see what's right for your body. And with a few breaths, that you notice, if this part isn't on already turned on the part of you that witnesses and observes. Say hello to your body. Just being here in this quiet little moment with yourself.

And now I invite you to look from an outsider perspective at your life, at your soul, and spirit, the span of your soul's life and notice any information that you're given.

Notice what you see, what you're aware of, and how you feel. Go deeper than the emotions that you feel. Get to the core and the source of what it is that you're experiencing even if it means just inviting yourself to go to those origins, and also ask yourself, where is my attention best place right now? How can I best support myself and those that rely on me? What do I deeply know is for me to do here and now?

If there's anything for you to write down to take note of, feel free to do that so that you're reminded of it as we close our time here today on the podcast.

And as we do close, just send you a sense of peace and grounding, and the reminder to touch into beauty and what's going well, so touching into beauty, what's beautiful in your life right now, whether that's something in your emotional relational life. Something literally that you can see in the space around you, that gives you a sense of beauty. And if there's nothing, you can imagine something that's beautiful. That just helps give your body a sense of safety.

And the second piece being touch into what truly is here right now, that you're alive, that you're breathing. And if you are having trouble breathing, if you have some symptoms, notice how much your body can breathe, focus on what's going well and just take it in. Allow your selves and your energy to connect with that and then go tackle the hard stuff.

So, as we close today, just wishing you all that sense of presence with yourself with whatever's coming through, and what you're here to do right now, what is in alignment for you.

And I want to send a shout out to all those that are out there in the health care world, supporting others. A thank you to all of you, to the scientists, to the people that are running grocery stores. Also, to all the parents out there who are toughing it out at home with their little ones. That's not always easy.

And in some ways, many of all of you that I mentioned are working double time where others are resting and trying to find something to do with their time. So we have very different experiences here all across the board.

And lastly, if you want some more resources to support what you're feeling right now, to work through anything you're experiencing, I recommend a few podcasts, parts work, working with the different parts of you at CandiceWu.com/partswork. The episode on overwhelm and polyvagal theory, to help you feel grounded and resilient through this time. That's at CandiceWu.com/overwhelm. And also, the episode on emotions and the experientials that go with it that support taking breaks, resourcing strength that's at CandiceWu.com/emotions. And there are so many million resources out there of people and wellness practitioners that are offering meditation, yoga, writing, all sorts of things. If you just take a peek and open to whatever it is you need it's likely out there.

Thanks so much for joining me today. And again, I'm wishing you all the presence with yourself that you can possibly have, and with your loved ones with what's happening.

And I'll leave you with a little anecdote that I recall vaguely from a documentary I saw a long time ago. I think it was about the Dalai Lama or monks or Buddhism.

And there was a monk with a group of people and this car was beeping, this car alarm was going off.

“Beep. Beep.”

And it was utterly annoying and it was going on and on for a long time and I heard the monk just saying over and over: The beep is reminding us to be present, the beep is reminding us to be present.

So I want to leave you with that thought that everything you're experiencing is reminding you to be present.

Thanks so much for joining me today and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

In this episode, I talked about Horse Constellations and Somatic Healing with horses, my personal experiences of this as well as what it’s like to do healing work with horses at liberty. This episode highlights my five nights with Sarah Fancy at Silver Horse Retreat in Ranchita, California.

Candice Wu 0:22

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:35

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57

If you’d like to experience family and systemic constellations, you are in luck, I have a workshop coming up in Chicago, it’s called Restore the Flow of Love. With anything that you’re experiencing in life, whether it’s related to love life, relationships, your career, your home space, or how you experience yourself in the world in any way, you can set up a constellation to look at the underlying dynamics, the hidden dynamics of what’s going on, that may be a struggle for you or a challenge. And allow the organic healing and balancing to emerge so that you can step more forward into your joy, your love, and the flow of love and life through you, as well as what you desire in life.

Candice Wu 1:49

The beauty is we can do all that without sharing any mental information, and by tuning into the dynamics for each other as representative in each other’s constellations. It’s a beautiful process, and I encourage you to check it out at CandiceWu.com/flowoflove. This workshop is on July 21st, 2019, in Chicago, Illinois, and if you’ve missed this one, and want to know about others, you can find more events at CandiceWu.com/events. All this is also linked in the show notes, so, feel free to go to the website at CandiceWu.com/horseconstellations.

Candice Wu 2:30

Hello, welcome back everyone. A couple of weeks ago I spoke about dancing and meditating with horses at Sarah Fancy’s horse ranch called Silver Horse Retreat, and this was me talking about three different meditations that I had with Silver, the horse that was 35 years old, and how I learned how to dance with horses, and communicate with them in ways telepathically as well as with my body, with my energy, with my mind, my heart. You can find that episode at CandiceWu.com/dancingwithhorses. And in this episode, I want to talk about how I did some healing work with horses and the mentorship program that I went through to learn how to do this as well as experienced it myself in different ways.

Candice Wu 3:24

I learned how to set up horse constellations, so family constellations, systemic constellations, with horses, as well as to do some somatic work and experiencing around horses, to support people in transformation in how they see themselves, what they want, and what wants to unfold and emerge in their lives, on their journey.

Candice Wu 3:48

Before we go there, I want to talk a little bit about this experience where people talk about the heaviness of their emotions or the darkness in them and judging the darkness in them. So, you might have said it yourself or hear people say that they don’t want to be in the darkness. They want to feel lightness, they want to feel the good emotions, and not the bad or not be in the heavy emotions. Sometimes, people say the negative and the positive emotions, and I want to just clarify one thing here today is that if you’ve been listening to the show, you probably know that I don’t believe in positive or negative emotions. I believe that all emotions are supportive to us on our journey. We need them all, in order to understand where we’re at and to support us in what else there is to know about ourselves, to support us in knowing how we feel about some things so that it can inform the next step.

Candice Wu 4:51

We need anger to show us that something didn’t feel right, we’re boundaries are. We need sadness, to show us what something meant to us and what we desire. We need disappointment to show us what we wanted and how badly we wanted something. All these can direct us towards what we want, what we hope for and what really brings us joy in life. And so, this idea that the dark part of us is one that’s undesirable, and the dark includes emotions like frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, these dark emotions. While these emotions may feel hard to experience, while they may be unpleasant, and they may feel dark or heavy. That in itself is not meant to be a judgment. The dark parts of us are actually the shadow, the darkness in us. The parts of us that we judge and blame or that we criticize as bad, that we feel we do not want, we want to discard and us, that’s our shadow self. And all of those parts are actually wanting to come into the light and be held within the light so that we can see they’re actually here to support us.

Candice Wu 6:14

The things that we believe are negative, they’re actually not. They’re here to support us. And our darkness, our shadow is just what we have yet to claim as part of that wholeness of who we are. Somewhere along the way, we got the message that certain experiences, certain thoughts, or emotions are not meant for us to be felt or we should not feel them or we should not express them, and that can become part of our shadow. We are here to experience all of it. And to know ourselves and to know who we are not through all of that as well. To know that we are not those emotions, we are the part of us that is witnessing those emotions, those experiences that brought us to feel something.

Candice Wu 7:08

So, when we use the dark and the light to separate ourselves from certain experiences, like we don’t want to feel those because they’re dark, that just creates more separation, and cuts us off from the wholeness that we are that wants to feel it all, and wants to be informed with wisdom by all of it. It’s interesting to bring this up today because with horses, whenever I was fully in my emotion, no matter what it was, especially if it was sadness or anger or a weird sound that came out of some need to protect, the horses really respond to that. They would often come near me or they would be present with me. They liked being around because I was congruent with the feeling that was emerging inside of me, and I was able to witness it and be with it. And wasn’t putting some of that away or hiding it, where they kind of had to guess what I was about.

Candice Wu 8:16

I was fully clear with what I was feeling in that moment, in those moments and the horses like that, they don’t care what the emotion is they just like that you’re in it fully. And they can see clearly what’s happening in that moment, they can understand and be with you. So, horses really show us there’s no need to be afraid of any of those emotions. They’re not running away when I feel anger, they understand. And they see that there isn’t a danger. Horses tend to run or protect right away when they’re scared, and they’re not scared of that at all. They’re not scared of the sadness, the deep grief that might come up.

Candice Wu 9:02

So, this leads me right to the healing work that I was doing with horses and the learning of facilitating horse constellations and somatic work. The simplest aspects of being with a horse and experiencing what that’s like, what it feels like in my body, what comes up in me, that is so basic, yet profound, because horses bring such a gift.

Candice Wu 9:31

So, all of these horses that I was working with at Silver Horse Retreat with Sarah Fancy, all the seven horses were at liberty within their living space. So, it was a large arena with plant life and rocks. And they could be totally in the other corner of us where we’re doing our healing work, or they could come near. And the first experience I had was defining an intention that I’d like to step into for myself in my life and to be in the space with the horses, and just feel myself. So, it was like a Somatic Experiencing session with the horses around.

Candice Wu 10:15

My desire for myself was to be fully in my knowing, trust fully in my knowing and follow through with my knowing. And Sarah’s first question to me was, “Well, don’t you already do that?” And I do, I do do that in so many parts of my life. There are some places that I know something, and I might tuck it away to not know it fully, and let myself be a little blind to it, quote and quote, because in a way, it’s just an illusion to myself, fooling myself in a way to get something else out of the experience that I really do want as well. Or there may be a fear underneath it that if I actually acknowledge my knowing, my wisdom fully in this situation, that I’d have to change something or I’d have to say no to something that I want something else from. And so, this was my intention, and she asked me to just stand in the space where there were three different horses. And again, it was a large space, so they could be free to join in or to walk away and beyond their own.

Candice Wu 11:31

I went inside the arena and stood next to this tree, this kind of tree bush. And as I got in there and started to feel my body, feel what my emotions were, what my sensations were inside, I felt really safe next to this tree. I had the tree behind me and was facing just kind of an enclosed view, so, I felt tucked away here, and then I started feeling really sad. And as I was feeling that, I recognize that I was holding on now to the tree, my right arm was holding on to the tree. The impulse came to me to push away the tree was like a codependent relationship. On one hand, I like this tree here, and it serves me. And on the other hand, I was so angry with it, I wanted to get it away from me, it was taking from me, I felt like I was shrinking, and I couldn’t quite move my feet. Literally, I felt that in my legs, and my ankles like my feet didn’t really want to move.

Candice Wu 12:42

So, I followed that and the horses weren’t really nearby, and she said just to continue on as if they’re not there, and just be in my feeling. And before long, I felt I could let go of this tree. So, I let go and release with my arm. And as soon as I did that, Silver, one of the horses came to me. Silver’s the one I’ve been meditating with. He came right over to me and started using his head to give me affection. So, rubbing the left side of my body vigorously. And I felt him like push me, push me. I felt him move my feet, and I just allowed it to happen and I laughed a little bit. And Sarah asked me, did I notice that silver came right away when I let go? And I did. It’s amazing how instantaneous that happens that something changed in me and the horses could feel it without even seeing what was going on. They knew, and that created a change and a shift in them.

Candice Wu 13:54

I could hear the other horses moving around, but they weren’t close. There was Meiji, the spotted Appaloosa horse that I really like, and Jackie, another horse there. So, I’m receiving Silver’s nudging affection, I’m able to move a little bit. And now I feel my left leg is movable, flexible, mobile. And Sarah asked me, “What was going on?” and I said, “Well, I just want to go over there, I think I need to go away from this tree.” And yet, my right foot feels stuck. I feel like I need to drag it. And she said, “Well, go ahead,” which I wasn’t expecting in that moment. So, I literally took my hands and grabbed my leg, stepped with my left foot away from this tree and dragged this leg, and of course, I exaggerated a little because it really wanted to feel what this was like. And it was it felt like the right thing. It felt like actually something that was going on in my system.

Candice Wu 15:10

This is where we tend to override what our body is showing us and we just walk like normal or we try to. And yet these underlying energies that shape our physical body do affect us. And so, when we pay attention to that, it can really show us what’s going on here. And it was so powerful in this moment. Here I am, dragging my right foot away from this tree that represents some codependent relationship, codependent experience that I’m having, and I have to drag myself away or want to drag myself away. And this right leg just wants to keep staying. And it just so happens that I have had a lot of tension and holding in my right side more so than my left, and I’m aware that that has often represented the masculine energy, my connection with my father, and the lineage on the father side.

Candice Wu 16:13

And this codependent dynamic that I was working with, it did appear to me as many things, which I won’t go into all the details, but it did feel like it was related to a father dynamic that I had before, a piece of our relationship that was showing up in other parts of my life, presently. And ways that I didn’t want to leave it, but it also didn’t really want to stay in it. And I could feel that happening in aspects of my current life, experiences where I wanted to stay sort of, but I wanted to leave sort of, and I couldn’t be full in one or the other. It’s like me being split into. So, this dragging my right leg away and walking away slowly, was so painful, it meant that I had to accept the pain of the codependency that you accept the painful part of this dynamic that I was holding off from feeling while staying in it.

Candice Wu 17:22

So, I’m dragging my leg, I’m crying, and now Silver is walking around me and Jackie comes. And they’re all just, those two are just circling around being away and moving around me, which feels like it’s helping me move even more. And at some point, one of the horses stood in front of me in the direction I was going. And I stopped and realized, actually, yeah, I needed it to be going towards the back left side of me where there was open space. I think it was Jackie standing there. So, I noticed that and felt in me the resource, the strength to turn around and face that direction. And as I turned around, I could sense that my left side, my stronger side was nearer to the tree than my right, and that gave even more to my right leg more mobility.

Candice Wu 18:19

And I then I felt as soon as I did that, Meiji came over. I love Meiji, she’s that spotted appaloosa that she’s white with black and gray spots. And she came right next to me to my left side. And as I took one step, she took one step. And it was just the sweet, sweet support that she was giving me. I took another step if I could feel my left leg move pretty easily and my right leg heavy, heavy and feeling like I can only imagine that’s just how, if this foot is injured or if I was a child and walking for the first time, this unfamiliarity in this leg, in the movement of this leg, there’s stuck energy there. One step forward, and Meiji took a step forward. And it kept going like this for a time, and I was wiggling my right toes and ankles, just learning to let this leg be free and to walk away from this painful dynamic that needed to end.

Candice Wu 19:27

And as I looked out, and I saw this open space, I could breathe. And it started to feel worth it to walk away. And the unknown feeling and uncertainty of looking and walking away in the direction of my knowing, of what I knew I needed to do for myself, started to feel a little less scary. And Meiji’s still next to me, and now Jackie’s walking around me, and now Silver’s getting close to my right side. And it just started to feel like they were circling around me in a way or moving about in my space, where previously while I was by the tree, none of them really wanted to be near. And that gave me a feeling of, wow, there’s so much abundance here, there’s so much resource, there’s so much strength, and things that can come in and out of my life with flow. And I can receive at all, I can be with them, with the horses and with what shows up.

Candice Wu 20:36

And as I took more steps forward and felt more fortified in that feeling, in my body, felt my right leg able to move even more. I turned around to look and Jackie had stood between me and the tree so that I couldn’t quite see the tree anymore. And that helps me turn around and keep going. And a couple of minutes later, the next time I turned around to look, Jackie and Silver were facing in opposite directions next to each other with their heads turned like a heart shape in a way they were mutually grooming each other’s backs, and each other’s main. And so, I saw this representing there’s love here, there’s a lot of love here. And if I walk away from what was somewhat loving, but codependent, I will find new love.

Candice Wu 21:34

That was really powerful for me to see and beautiful and so, so delightful. And then I was able to see the tree in my clear sight and see that it was okay, I was okay with that tree over there. And that dynamic over there, and I could look at it without going back. And I had full mobility to turn around and walk into my life. And so, Sarah eventually asked me, “Is this where your knowing is, this is where you’re following through with your knowing, and trusting?” And it was so clear, it was a yes, it felt really easy to be there and my body could move.

Candice Wu 22:15

So, this session was about experiencing my body somatically, and allowing what wanted to emerge, to emerge and allowing the horses to join in. And for me to experience what it was like to be with them and their interactions with me. And for me, that’s not far from horse constellation. It’s just being in the space, allowing the horses to show up as well, and provide support and resource. This is something I absolutely love to do. And I’m so excited to offer. I don’t have my own horses yet. But if there’s anyone out there that’s interested in doing this and has a horse or has a friend with a horse that we can set this up, I’m game. I’m just thrilled because being with horses provides this connection with the spiritual world, the energetic and spiritual world that we cannot see with our eyes, but we know is there. And it bridges the earthly and spiritual world as Sarah would say, in a way that accesses so much resource and knowing that we can bring into our lives. So, being with horses in this way gives such a gift.

Candice Wu 23:39

So, I also want to talk about horse constellations, more specifically, what are they and how they work. And what I experienced with Sarah and my mentorship with her family constellations, and systemic constellations, as well as nature constellations, are setups in which we can use objects, people, and horses, we can invite them into the space to represent different parts of dynamics that are going on within us. So, as I described my earlier experience, the tree was representing something. And at different points, the horses were representing, or bringing meaning to me as a symbol of something, of resource of some sort.

Candice Wu 24:22

And when we do horse constellations, we also invite the horses at liberty, where they’re free to move about and join in, or they’re free to say no and walk away. And they’re free to represent something for us that wants to be seen and the energy of what’s here. We can allow the horses to come in and just show us what they may be representing. We may begin to feel and know something as they emerge in the space if they do, and the feeling of being around them and the emotion, the energy that they’re showing us, can really show us something that wants to be seen.

Candice Wu 25:08

So, in this experience with Sarah, Sarah represented me, and we call them the four directions to hold the space, and I was able to witness. We also had her dog, Little Bear there, and he was sitting next to me on a leash. And as we were calling in the four directions, Jackie came over right away. So, all the seven horses were in this space and available to join if they wanted to. And Jackie was the only one that came, and I was so grateful. She just came right away and knew it’s like she knew what was going on. She knew she wanted to be there. And she stayed there the whole time. Near the end, a couple of the other horses joined, and it was interesting that they just touched in for that moment of the knowing that came through at the end of the constantly. And it was as if they knew it was over and the resolution was there, the fullness was there, and they wanted to join.

Candice Wu 26:09

So, Sarah didn’t know that much about my life, and that’s how constellations works when you have someone represent yourself or other people in your life, other dynamics in your life. The representatives can tune into how you feel, how you relate to specific people, the movement of your body, the energy of your body, and what’s going on underneath the surface without any mental knowledge. And so, it’s amazing when we invite, for example, someone’s parents to show up in the space. And we see their dynamic unfold, and the client says, “Yeah, that’s what’s happening. ”Or “Yeah, my mom can’t even look at me?” That’s how it feels.

Candice Wu 26:58

Often, our younger experiences show up, a part of us feels unseen by a parent or two, or is tangled up in a dynamic. And our adult self feels something different. And so, here in this constellation, I just want to highlight a few things that really struck me and I brought home with me. Jackie stood in the space, she stood right in the space and did not move, did not budge. And Sarah, as a representative for me, Candice, started walking around her, walking in circles, walking in circles. And she reported, “I feel fine, I feel fine.” But I feel a little bit restless, I don’t know where I’m going exactly. And now I’m getting tired. And so, she stopped, which reflected a part of me, there’s a part of me that isn’t sure where to land in terms of a living space, where to go next. And she reported that Jackie started to feel like a responsibility, a duty that she that I was circling around. And then she picked up some energy and started walking again. But she decided to go the other way.

Candice Wu 28:20

And I saw this and felt, “Oh, my goodness,” like, this is exactly what’s happening. There’s this feeling of responsibility somewhere living in me, and it may relate to family and ancestry and something that my culture, through my lineage that isn’t yet resolved. In the Chinese culture, there’s this sense that you have a duty and responsibility to your family to take care of them, especially as the oldest child that your parents are your responsibility, your elderly or your responsibility. And there’s something about that, that became so heavy for me. And despite that sense, I wasn’t really aware that it was becoming so heavy for me, I thought that this was something that I had cleared up and felt okay with, but here it was showing up and this restlessness running around it and then turning around and going in the other direction, but still walking the same path. Felt so painful to see and so poignant, and absurd. Like I laughed out loud, but I also cried at the same time. And Jackie, the horse was just standing there, fully present and taking up the space.

Candice Wu 29:39

And later, Sarah, stopped and started looking at the mountains and said, “I just need to go there and breathe into the fresh air and be in that space.” And eventually, she consulted with me as the client and wanted to check in with what I wanted to do and what was needed here. And it was really unclear, but something shifted in me as I was witnessing this. And I was feeling the plants around me. And the words that came from Sarah as a representative for me, were that this is enough. And she pointed to the plants, to my family, to duty, to responsibility, to everything that was in my life. And said, “This is all enough.” Little Bear, the dog that was there, started looking at me, and like crying like: “Help me, cuddle with me, be with me.”, and started nipping at Sarah, like wanting her. And his eyes looking at me. Definitely, like the biggest sad puppy dog looking eyes, just showed how much my family was wanting me to be around, the feeling that I got about my family at least and like this desperation of sorts, like, please be with us, be with us. And yet it felt heavy to me.

Candice Wu 31:10

But when the shifting internally happened and the words that this is all enough began to happen, I could feel that and all of that started to shift and it started to feel like it wasn’t so heavy anymore. And it wasn’t a giant shift of what was going on. It’s not about what I chose, or what I needed to choose, it really just was this subtle shift in me that what felt like responsibility and duty, could be such a beautiful resource to me. And as I felt this Jackie turned and turned towards me and put her legs towards me and wanted me to scratch her legs. And I was doing it, and it was just a really speed interaction, and I liked it, I felt so connected. And the message I was getting was, there’s so much here in your Chinese roots that wants to be acknowledged, and can bring you support, and can also be part of your healing work with others, that you can bring in, like, take these gifts, receive these gifts, this is all enough. And I could feel that coming through me and shift my system.

Candice Wu 32:30

So, when we’re doing constellations, we’re just open to what is emerging and what the energy of the feeling is, and what happens next, what literally happens, what we see, what we feel, and what the animals show us, what nature shows us. All of it is part of things. And what I love is that we can begin to see our lives that way, we can begin to receive messages from all things around us. Receive the resource of the water, the grass, the trees, the message that the bird comes and gives us, we can talk to nature and the animals, we can see that it’s enough.

Candice Wu 33:20

And so I wanted to share this experience of my horse constellation to offer this message as well as introduce you, if this is new to you, to how constellations with horses work, how constellations work in general. And as I said, I don’t have my horses yet. But I feel that that may be coming or some connection, deeper connection with horses is emerging. But if you do have horses in your space, and you’re wanting this work, wanting to experience it, feel free to reach out to me or Sarah Fancy, she’s an expert at it, and you can go to her space and experience her retreats.

Candice Wu 34:09

And just know that this experience is out there. There are so many ways to experience healing and transformation, and to know and see things. This beautiful gift of being with horses it’s just something that I can’t wait to share with people, and I hope that you received something from this sharing of my experience here.

Candice Wu 34:37

So, thanks so much for listening. Again, you can connect up with my episode on Dancing and Meditating with the horses at CandiceWu.com/dancingwithhorses. And also, the first time that I experienced an equine-assisted learning session was with Joy Curran, and that was in Australia. What a gift that was, really that changed my life and that was only a year ago. It was only a year ago that I began to fall in love with horses, and really shift my life to connect with horses more. That episode can be found at CandiceWu.com/joy. And there’s also a video of my experience where Joy worked with me and her horse, Chaya, to allow me to bring a dream that I was having at night, at night dream to life with this horse.

Candice Wu 35:36

So, if you want to know more about Sarah, she’s going to be on the podcast coming up. But you can find her at silverhorse.org, and @SaraaFancy on Instagram, and I’ll link to her in the show notes. I’m just so grateful to her and her horses for showing me this very beautiful connection that I can have with horses and ways I can work with horses that feel so natural to me. I’m so ready to do this. And thank you.

Candice Wu 36:08

Before we go, I’d like to invite you to receive my bi-monthly newsletters where I talk about my experiences, my travels, as well as keep you updated on retreats, workshops, and podcasts at CandiceWu.com/embody, and feel free to jump on my website to listen to other podcasts about various topics around trauma, constellations, somatic work, and healing, loving yourself as well as all the guests that I have on the show and their healing experientials that they offer. You can find all that at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 36:48

Thanks so much for joining me today. You can always reach out to me if you have questions, feedback, would like to know more or have topic requests that you’d like to hear about on the podcast, you can find me at my website, and I so appreciate you being here. Thanks so much. Take care and I’ll see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode includes updates about my adventures in Ireland and being with the horses about the challenging learnings I’ve had. And shifting into the topic of Why Feel Embodiment 101 for the skeptic in you. What qualities and capacities embodiment and healing requires? Why move from rationalizing to feeling and sensing, and the steps to feeling and healing as well as accessing your wisdom.

Candice Wu 0:29

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast. A show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:42

My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having Co-Creative Conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:04

This episode is sponsored by Patreon, which is a platform where you can contribute any amount to the production of this podcast as well as all the creations that I put out there. And I want to thank all of the people who have contributed on there. I could not be more touched and appreciative of all that people have contributed every single dollar just helps and goes a long way. And that energy and life force that each person contributes and brings as well goes towards the life of this podcast and all the healing experiences and meditations that I offer.

Candice Wu 1:40

There’s also a chance to get up close and personal with me. There’s a healing group that’s once a month, as well as personal meditations that you can receive based on whatever level you’re contributing. And what that entails is a personalized healing experience based on whatever it is you need in your life at that time. Each quarter, I check in with you and design something that is just for you by intuiting what might be needed and sensing into the energy of what you’re asking or where you are in your life. So you can find all that at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 2:21

Hello, and welcome back to the Embody Podcast. It’s great to have you here.

Candice Wu 2:26

This morning, I am waking up in Dublin in a small Airbnb. And if you’ve been following along with my adventure in Ireland, I was on a horse farm for some time, but almost three weeks actually can’t believe I survived it. I have been learning natural horsemanship with a host family and tending to four horses. I’ve been cleaning poop out of stables, wheeling it over and dumping it across down the hill. I’ve been setting up qualifiers, cleaning all over the house, romping around in the mud, but also getting time to learn how to be a good leader with horses and assert myself in my presence more. I feel way more in my body in every moment and every word that I say.

Candice Wu 3:18

So all this in exchange for the lessons and a place to stay. And if you’ve been following along, you know that it’s been quite challenging for me there was that last podcast that I did, CandiceWu.com/hourselifeireland, and you can learn about some of the lessons that I experienced there, some of the hardships and what I’ve been dealing with.

Candice Wu 3:45

And one of the mornings it was last week, I woke up feeling just completely worn down and overwhelmed by this experience. It wasn’t one thing that specifically would trigger me or make me feel overwhelmed, it was all of the things combined, and one after the other without much of a break.

Candice Wu 4:05

And so, feeling this last week I woke up and felt, can I keep doing this? Which was an interesting signal, I read that in many ways. Am I overwhelmed? How am I doing? Or am I just getting activated and need to work through something that is presenting a challenge? Or is it both? What combination of both.

Candice Wu 4:29

And so with this worn down feeling, I walked outside to get the coal for the coal fire that morning. And suddenly it just struck me as I looked out in this beautiful landscape, it had snowed. And it was completely peaceful and quiet. And the sky was just this beautiful periwinkle color. And it completely spoke to me looking out across the mountains. They call them hills in Donegal. Because they’re not that big. But coming from Michigan in Chicago, I call them mountains.

Candice Wu 5:22

So it just radiated this feeling of safety and nourishment to me. The feeling of I’ve got your back, says the earth. And it reminded me that all is okay. And knowing what I know from Somatic Experiencing, and family constellations, feeling that for that moment and staying there longer, and breathing it in and letting myself feel into my body. What does it feel like to feel this safety again, and this beauty, let it touch my heart and into the spaces that I felt grief and dread and sadness and all sorts of other emotions.

Candice Wu 5:48

And as I did that, those emotions started to move. And what happened inside is that my nervous system started to feel safe again, it started to feel supported. And therefore able to release some of what was held on the inside, what I couldn’t move through when I didn’t feel as safe in my body.

Candice Wu 6:10

This led me to thinking that the more that we have around us and within us that we can resource, resource meaning draw in for ourselves to feel safety, love or peace, or any feeling that we want to feel, any energy that we want to cultivate within ourselves and access, the more we have within us and around us that helps us get there, then the more we are embodied and the more content and easy life is altogether, the more inner freedom we actually have. Because, the things that are outside of us can bring us even more joy and safety. And I’m even talking about things that perhaps were upsetting to you in the past or people who you’ve had conflictual relationships.

Candice Wu 7:00

At some point, they can bring you something that perhaps they were meant to teach you or some aspect that you do find that you admire about them. I didn’t use to be able to resource so much in so many things. I couldn’t really find much pleasure or enjoyment in life, even though I thought I did. But could I actually feel it through my entire body and being, no.

Candice Wu 7:26

A big resource that I have now that I didn’t have for a good quarter or more of my life is my father. He was a huge trigger to me. Our relationship was absolutely conflictual. And some of the early trauma as I’ve had relate to things that we experienced together some emotional abuse and neglect. And this is pretty much all I knew of my father.

Candice Wu 7:57

And I had to have other resources, people, experiences, support, therapy, those other resources to get through the ones I had with him. But over time that started softening and the polarity, the distance between a resource and trigger, something that would strengthen me and trigger me, all pulled into one ocean in a sense. I could feel all those emotions and my father became a huge resource to me where I can draw upon his love and see, that there is underneath all of the ways that he acts as a human. The ways that he did act, that there is a deep love way down there.

Candice Wu 8:43

And now I actually see that come through quite a bit and I can receive the gifts from him. And a lot of that work was the family constellations work is finding love and gifts where you typically only see pain or abuse or trauma. And so now I can see that part of him that helps me feel loved. And I feel supported and strong. And there are times now that I draw upon his energy, or what I attribute to his energy within me, to strengthen or give me some aspect of safety or peace inside of myself.

Candice Wu 9:25

So one introductory thought I have for you is, what brings you the sense of safety, of beauty, peace or contentment. Does feeling something in your body do that? Does looking at and touching crystals or stones do that? Or feeling your body move? Looking at a picture of a loved one or an animal or a spiritual figure, looking at the horizon or a sunny day. What brings you into the feeling of embodiment and that you can release because you feel safe again.

Candice Wu 10:03

I have a whole segment of resources that you can use. Healing experiences that are about how to develop that kind of strengthening and safety, how to resource a person, place, or thing into your life so that you can feel that strength. As well as how to pendulate, move in and out of challenging experience to positive experience so that you can integrate more and do it in a way that’s not overwhelming your nervous system.

Candice Wu 10:37

And you can find all that at CandiceWu.com/emotions. It was an episode I did on emotional numbness to wholeness and feeling of the experience of moving from where I’m completely frozen and can’t feel and just use my mind to get through life, to being in my wholeness and accessing and having the capacity to feel all sorts of emotions and sensations in my body.

Candice Wu 11:04

All of these exercises are inspired by Somatic Experiencing, as well as family constellations healing work, and the combination and just how I use them as well. So feel free to check those out.

Candice Wu 11:18

So this is one part of the topic today. Why would we feel our emotions when they’re challenging to feel? What is the benefit and especially to somebody that feels skeptical about feeling in the body, and the sensations in the body as well as emotions? What purpose does it serve?

Candice Wu 11:37

And with my example here, there is a bit of that, revealing itself that when we can resource something and feel into its pleasure, we can really fully taken its pleasure and feel that through our being when we are accessing the ability to feel, when we’re able to have the capacity to feel that rather than things being a mental experience. It’s a full being and body experience. But with that comes challenges because you also have other emotions that may be not as pleasurable or the pleasure may bring up unpleasant feelings. And how do we move through that, is it still worth it to have that in order to have the love, safety, beauty, contentment, peace, freedom, etc.

Candice Wu 12:29

Before we jump into the episode, I want to give you a little more information about what happened and what I chose in terms of leaving the exchange that I had agreed to, and accepting what would be the consequence of that.

Candice Wu 12:45

So I noticed how overwhelmed I was feeling. And with all those things coming at me day to day. I just couldn’t quite catch a break in terms of being triggered and activated by thing after thing. I think the interpersonal conflict with my host was one of the hardest aspects of the whole thing, because that energy sort of dominated the entire experience.

Candice Wu 13:07

And the amazing thing was, I learned how to have a much thicker skin and to be way more fiercely direct and clear about myself and what I’m feeling what I’m experiencing, as well as honest.

Candice Wu 13:23

My host is someone who will just speak the truth of what she thinks is happening, or at least how she’s feeling and what she thinks is going on. And a lot of times she comes with this sort of confidence that makes me doubt my own experience and I wonder what is the truth of what is happening.

Candice Wu 13:44

I may be used to some level of honesty and directness with people who are close to me that I’ve built that trust with. But this was a complete stranger that I really didn’t have trust for in terms of emotional safety and non-judgment. I felt quite a bit of judgment from her actually, even though her words would tell me differently that she wasn’t judging or criticizing. It was very confusing to me. But I ended up leaving.

Candice Wu 14:15

And with that feeling of I’m choosing to love myself and give myself a different experience where I can feel more ease in my learning and go through the emotional triggers in a safer space where that can move through much more easily rather than being hit up against another thing before that ends or being shamed in the process. It’s just too much for me to accept all at once.

Candice Wu 14:57

And I think that this is part of shifting our culture from overriding ourselves from pushing through, and powering through in order to be strong to one of loving ourselves and doing what’s truly right for ourselves. That is strength. That is self-love. That is respecting who you are at the moment and what you need so that you’re not doing something that is way beyond your level where it isn’t an enjoyable experience for you anymore. If it is, that’s perfectly fine and that is everyone’s choice. But really to ask yourself, how is this experience going for me? And is it the right one now? And only you have the answer to that.

Candice Wu 15:30

So the interesting thing was when I let this person know, and let the family know that I was leaving, I got called a quitter. I was told that I didn’t have any grit and just enjoyed luxury, isn’t a little bit of discomfort, a good thing.

Candice Wu 15:51

And so it really showed me that they didn’t understand where I was in my journey of loving myself. And I’ve spent a lifetime of pushing through and going through enduring hardship. It’s not the time for that at this point.

Candice Wu 16:08

So one of the hardest things about that, and about the whole experience was accepting other people having views of me that may or may not be true. And it is not just the view of me but the critical part that comes with it, at least how I perceived it here, where someone feels convinced of who you are, especially because it helps them feel better about themselves or how they’re interacting in the situation.

Candice Wu 16:40

And it leaned towards gaslighting, sometimes it was outright gaslighting, where everything that I brought to the table was turned against me or manipulated in a way that made me be the one that is constantly wrong, or the rules are changing. And now it’s this that we’re looking at. So changing the subject and changing the experience of what we’re talking about, it’s all very confusing.

Candice Wu 17:09

I get very triggered by that because my young life entailed a lot of gaslighting and manipulation. And I couldn’t quite sort that out. So as you can see, these experiences were quite triggering for me. And I did work through a lot of them with my host, and found a lot of common ground, which was fascinating. I found a lot of growth, found different ways to assert myself and work with that. And also ways to love myself aside from the interactions. But the feeling that I’m not going to argue or fight for every point to be heard from my perspective and other people to understand exactly what’s going on for me, as I see it, and letting them have their idea of me and not be bothered by that, that was something I was working on.

Candice Wu 18:04

So that’s why I’m in Dublin at the moment. I’m heading out tomorrow morning, back to Michigan and going to see my family for Chinese New Year, and enjoy some time to regroup, to process what’s still left behind here to enjoy things and to get back in touch with comforts that I enjoy and other relationships that I want to connect with.

Candice Wu 18:31

So to conclude this experience with this host, I noticed a lot of righteousness, arrogance, gaslighting, and manipulating. And when I say that I do that only to sort out the reality of what was happening, and what I can name so that I can look at my own reactions to that. So I can see, oh, that’s what that kind of experience is outside of me. That’s what’s happening at me in a way, and how am I relating to it? What am I getting triggered by? Where do I find a loss of my empowerment or assertion, and perhaps abandon myself or manipulate myself or believe the manipulations? And all that is leading up to this podcast as well.

Candice Wu 19:23

Why be integrated and why sense what’s there, because, for me, that means I can find and access another place in myself when I have someone act this way towards me. Where I can move through it in a way that feels really good for me. Where I can respond differently or choose and have freedom with how I respond rather than just react and engage in that enactment to that Tango of this and that cycling over and over.

Candice Wu 19:58

I also felt aware that I didn’t want to develop more resistance towards people who have those qualities. Because compassion is really seeing where that is me, where I have those qualities as well or how I relate to the other side of the coin of those qualities. And finding the understanding for perhaps why we would need that emotion, energy or a way of being, and walking away with respect and love versus walking away out of a reaction of anger. And that reaction of anger for me just knowing that I will inevitably find that experience again, if I do that. Not to say we shouldn’t have anger, if it’s there, it’s there. That just means there’s something to work with. But if I can work with it inside of myself, or in the relationship to the point where I find that ability to respect this person and not reject them, I feel much better about myself and I feel much stronger and myself.

Candice Wu 21:06

I also recognize this takes years, it’s taken me at least 10 years to work through some of the really challenging abuse that I received and experienced in my young life and to notice myself in another engagement with someone that is very similar just shows me there was more to work on. And right now I feel that there’s still a bit more I feel some anger towards this person. And recognizing that there are bits of this that I still want to clear up.

Candice Wu 21:39

With that, let’s jump into this topic a little deeper. Why do we need emotions? Why should we even get into our felt sense our body experience? What does that even do? And those questions really come from an analytical perspective.

Candice Wu 21:58

The place where we just see that thinking and processing with our mind mentally is the only way to solve a problem or to work with something, or to realize what’s happening in the moment. If we are outright rejecting an emotional and felt sense, embodied experience, then I would suggest that, that actually is a coping.

Candice Wu 22:21

It’s our body saying what we feel inside is way too much, or out of control and unknown. And therefore I’m going to send my energy up to the brain, that inflammation, that felt sense brings heat and emotion, then that energy goes up to the brain up to the top of our body to process and to control it in some way that we can rely on the rational mind, we can rely on that, right? If we think this through enough, we will get something out of it, we will be able to survive this. At least that’s what it was for me.

Candice Wu 23:00

Growing up, I didn’t have any other support and emotional regulation, to be able to move through my emotions. These emotions were tough ones. They were of terror and huge loss and grief, way bigger than one small person could feel through and there. And so I had to put those away and go up to my mind where that was still accessible. And I could say to myself, if I do this, then this happens. And if I don’t do this, this happens. And I could protect myself that way.

Candice Wu 23:38

So I believe that this chasm between the mind and body, the mind and emotions. And I’m speaking of the mind in terms of our mental thoughts only because at a deeper level, the mind encompasses the emotions. It encompasses the nervous system and the reactive response in the whole being. But what we think of the mind is this mental thought process and analyzing there’s a chasm, there’s a gap, often, and we can see this where people say, Okay, I need affirmation to help me believe x, y, & z about myself. And as much as I say, these affirmations like I feel enough, or I am strong, I don’t really feel I’m enough, I don’t really feel strong. But I can try to say this over and over to myself and hope that this, this will get me somewhere.

Candice Wu 24:38

I’m not saying that affirmations don’t work at all in their bullshit on some level they are. But on another level, if they can touch into your being, if your body is prepared to move through the emotions that don’t align with that, if it can move the energies that are not aligning with I am enough, then you have transformation. Then you have the integration of that belief and you start to feel I am enough, not just think, I am enough, right? I am enough. Let me try to get evidence for that. I’m enough, because of X, Y, and Z. When you truly feel enough, or strong or beautiful or empowered, whatever it is that you want to believe about yourself, we don’t need evidence to prove it to ourselves. We just feel it.

Candice Wu 25:32

And that’s part of why being in our body, being in our emotions, being able to have the capacity to feel through things is important, because we want to feel that. Just like when I was saying about resourcing that scene that I was looking out at the mountainscape and the snow, to be able to feel the enjoyment, not just think, oh, wow, that’s nice. I think I’m enjoying this, well do you know you’re enjoying it? And so being in our felt sense helps us do that.

Candice Wu 26:08

I’m just laughing to myself at the moment, because we are talking about this. And that’s all through a mental process. That’s a conversation of words. It’s not an experience where you’re actually feeling unless you’re tuning into that yourself on your end.

Candice Wu 26:26

So I encourage you to do that as you move through this podcast if you’re listening to the rest of it. Or if you relisten to some pieces, feel how this affects your body, feel what emotions come up, as I talked about certain things or what images and memories come up to you.

Candice Wu 26:45

And later in this podcast, I’ll talk about the 101 of feeling in the body and the menu of things you can tune into that are happening inside, just so you know what’s on the menu and that you can spot things when they come up. Because that’s one of the things that really I struggled with is well, how do I know what’s going on, I like being completely analytical for a good chunk of my time. In life, I just had no idea what I was even looking for.

Candice Wu 27:14

So I’ll go through that later in the episode. But I just encourage you now to witness and to take everything as information and to have a compassionate curiosity of what’s happening inside as we talk about this.

Candice Wu 27:33

So sometimes I hear from people, when I’m in my emotions, when I’m in my body, I only feel worse. Or that the mind is the only way of knowing and this agrees with society, we have a very strong lean towards the mind, the mental thought process being the only way of knowing something, research and proof, and evidence. And that’s a very pointed, manifested way of knowing. And there are all sorts of other ways of knowing.

Candice Wu 28:10

We can know something through our sense we can know something through our body, through how we feel. That’s information to help us with our next step in life or what we’re looking at. When we have our instincts, we can protect ourselves, we can choose something that feels joyful to us because we know how joy feels.

Candice Wu 28:34

And I recognize that if we’re using rationalizing as a survival tool, we typically don’t realize we’re doing so. And there is a rational explanation for why we’re rationally thinking about everything. I’ve certainly used that.

Candice Wu 28:51

It’s like if you challenge someone on how they feel, if they’re feeling something, they have the explanation for why they’re doing what they’re doing rather than just feeling through what’s happening or the ability to.

Candice Wu 29:06

So if you’re hearing yourself in any of this, I also encourage you to laugh at yourself, to have some lightness and amusement about it. There’s no judgment about any of those. And knowing that you only rationalize or use your mental capacity to get through life is a helpful thing to notice. Because then it lets you get to where you want to be or what’s next step for you. And it also helps you have information about what your experience has been like that you actually had to use this as a way to protect yourself as a way to survive. And when was that that you needed that to survive? When was it that your ancestry needed this way of being to get through life to actually live instead of die, or to move through something that was so heartbreaking? And have you inherited that way of rationalizing and thinking only mentally and dismissing emotions because they’re hard?

Candice Wu 30:09

Feeling into our emotion requires us to be able to handle the unknown. That there’s an acceptance. Something we don’t know is happening. There’s an image that keeps happening, and I don’t know in my mind what that is. And if we rely on our knowing mechanism as a mental knowing, as, Oh, I completely understand why I’m having X, Y, and Z happen, then when we approach something that we don’t know, I don’t know why I’m having this feeling, I don’t know why I have this tension in my body, then on some level, we need to be okay with or accept, or even embrace that we don’t know. And then it will reveal itself to us. And that’s part of the joy of being human is that we have all these clues inside these messages from our inner world that we are learning to interpret.

Candice Wu 31:10

And so often we say, Oh, I have this pain in my body and it’s scary. But instead of noticing the fear, we try to find what that is. And then we have a medical explanation, which is helpful in a lot of cases. And it’s one part of things. But we can quickly dismiss that as, Oh, that’s just this syndrome, or that’s just the tension I got because I and you are playing tennis and only use this arm. And so, therefore, that’s the only reason I have this injury.

Candice Wu 31:49

I would invite you to deepen into the fact or the idea that there may be more to the story. There may be more to the experience of the body expressing itself in this way. And as one of my teachers said, Jim Kulackoski, he’s my spiritual and Yoga teacher, that if there isn’t a spiritual place for disease, there won’t be a physical one. That the physical body is a manifestation of the spiritual experience, and shows you what’s going on at that subtle level.

Candice Wu 32:28

And this also reminds me of the Koshas podcast, the different levels of the physiology that you can find at CandiceWu.com/koshas. It will also be linked in the show notes.

Candice Wu 32:44

So far, we’ve talked about how healing and integration, how being in the body and feeling through what’s there, can require the ability to accept that there’s something we don’t know. It can require being in the unknown. It requires being compassionate to yourself, and perhaps even laughing at yourself, gathering information and witnessing rather than judging what’s going on. And also noticing your judgment, if there’s judgment as one layer of your experience, and the state of being you’ve held for a period of time.

Candice Wu 33:28

Healing and integration also require just one moment of noticing, and then the next and the next. And you can stop anytime.

Candice Wu 33:47

It requires the acceptance of a process within you that not everything is going to be known right away. The trust and the willingness to move through a bit of the process, and then perhaps take a break, and a bit more or even more, the ability to handle those bits of not knowing and the unknown, so that can be revealed later. But also for the sake of just being in the unknown. Period.

Candice Wu 34:20

Working with your body requires leaning into discomfort. And learning how to take a break when it overwhelms you or before it overwhelms you so that it can come with ease.

Candice Wu 34:35

I used to be someone who would just plow through all my emotions and try to do all of them at once. And I learned that that was just another way of me trying to cope. And me trying to prove myself that I was strong.

Candice Wu 34:52

When I’m rationalizing or just using my mind to move through something. I might be just trying to sort it out. Like what should I do? Is this true? Thinking about it. thinking about it.

Candice Wu 35:07

What evidence does it confirm it’s true? What evidence is it not true, which can be helpful sometimes, except for when you tailspin emotionally and you don’t see straight, the perception is different.

Candice Wu 35:22

And sometimes I feel like I’m in the same place over and over again with that aspect of myself. So when that’s happening, always going back to a breath, and how do I feel when I’m having that thought, or notice what else comes with it in the body when I’m doing this kind of thinking. And that opens up your wisdom of the whole body, the whole being to support what else is there to know about this. Where is the other knowing that my body can bring that my energy or my senses can bring? With embodiment, it’s also important to resource as I talked about earlier, in the beginning of this episode.

Candice Wu 36:05

Having things that you can tune into, imagine, or a picture that brings you a feeling of safety, love, or ease. Where then your nervous system can be reminded that you are safe right now. And I’m guessing if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re probably in that situation, or hopefully you are.

Candice Wu 36:31

And I also think that embodiment is greatly supported by someone who can support you in a trauma-centered way. But a way that also brings strength and helps you towards the intention that you want to have in your life. So having that loving support can make a huge difference. Because a lot of what we couldn’t feel when we were younger is that we didn’t have someone with a nervous system, and ability to regulate emotion that was present with us, tending to us, and giving us exactly what we needed.

Candice Wu 37:14

And so if you’re working with someone like a healer, therapist, or a coach, that does have that ability to do so, and with a trauma center person, they also have the ability to notice when your body is going offline, or when you’re going into dissociated state were doing anything else isn’t going to help. Processing any other emotion isn’t going to help. It’s only going to retraumatize the nervous system, and knows what to do to support you in coming back online and taking the next healing step, that is incredibly powerful.

Candice Wu 37:50

So now I also want to talk about the experience that we sometimes don’t always know what to explore or where to begin. Maybe there’s a desire to feel better, or to know yourself better to love yourself better or to have something different in your life. That may be one little inkling that you have that you may need more embodiment, or that you are ready to connect deeper with yourself.

Candice Wu 38:19

I had this with a client recently where they didn’t know what they wanted to explore, where to begin. But there was a draw, a pole that something needed to change, and a tiny whisper of something different that they want it. And sometimes there’s a pain or a lingering and awaiting of something to be tended to or to be looked at. And all this reveals itself.

Candice Wu 38:40

As we sit together, as I sit together with my clients or as I sit with myself, and there’s a going inward, I believe that each person is the source of their healing and wisdom. And with my clients, I’m the facilitator to support the loving space and the understanding, and the moving through of the many ways and messages that are given to us by your inner being.

Candice Wu 39:07

So the body sensations, the flush of a feeling, the pit in your stomach, your heart dropping, the tension, or the holding in the body, or a dream image, a thought or a flash of a sense of something, or a body movement, rigidity and stillness or wanting to reach or shrug your shoulders or move them in a certain way, all these unfold and open up to a whole world of truth and self knowing. It’s like they open up to the cosmos within. And eventually, through the more on pleasurable feelings, they open up to joy and pleasure, contentment, freedom, and peace. They are the key to a whole world of knowing yourself and loving yourself. It’s another opportunity to love yourself.

Candice Wu 40:04

So this happened recently for me when a client wasn’t sure what was going on between her and her sibling. She felt that something wasn’t quite right. And she couldn’t name what that was. But that’s all we needed to begin, a sense that this is where to look, and to explore with curiosity and feeling in.

Candice Wu 40:25

And what revealed itself was disconnection, sadness and grief and loss because of the disconnection and even deeper than that was love and the desire to feel connected.

Candice Wu 40:44

Love this thought that the tender parts of our hearts reveal itself underneath. All that our body shows us, the tender part of our hearts, meaning the part of us that desires that wants love, that wants belonging, or feels pain, the juicy part of what we feel no matter what we think about it.

Candice Wu 41:07

So this client’s story is one that I’m keeping confidential. And I’ve gotten the permission from her to share these pieces with you today. And it’s very important for me that my clients feel that confidentiality. So I won’t share any details with you. But I do want to share that we did a family constellation with stones, this was an online experience. So we can use video chats, and sensing in energetically to tune in together.

Candice Wu 41:41

And so I asked her to bring some objects that she could use to represent her siblings. And I use stones on my end to match that. And really beautiful thing was that as she placed them and as I placed mine, and they started to move, it was her one sibling and another sibling. As these people start to move in this space of this mini picture, we were intuitively something into, both of us had the same movements with the stones, and her objects on her end, they were exactly the same. And the sense of who was where and what people were feeling started to emerge and show itself to both of us synchronously.

Candice Wu 42:34

So what showed up was an old dynamic that she wanted to change, that she was always there for her sister, for her hardships, and felt like this was her role to her sister. That this is what their relationship was built on. And the question, the pain was found in, would she be valued and loved if they didn’t play out this role anymore? What would be there in its place? How painful it might be to shift this relationship into new territory and not know if the other would like to come along.

Candice Wu 43:09

And one of the things that can reveal itself, during the process of this, is a healing statement or words that can evoke the emotions of what’s true to come through, and what resolve might be needed to help the body transform those feelings and energies. So they start to align with these words.

Candice Wu 43:34

And in her constellation, the healing statements were twofold. One part to bring self-love and resource from within. So no matter what happened with the sibling that she could love herself, and disconnect from the dependency on her to bring her value. And that statement was, I begin to love and value myself differently.

Candice Wu 44:03

That was important to say I begin and to love and value herself differently because it wasn’t too far from where she was. If she said I love myself differently, or I love myself fully, that seemed to be too far from where she was actually at. So I begin to love and value myself differently, seems like an opening for her inaccessible opening.

Candice Wu 44:32

And the second statement was to support a shift in the way of loving in the relationship with her sister. And that was, I began to love you differently.

Candice Wu 44:47

And if you’re listening and you can feel something about that, that’s great. Because not everything comes with a mental explanation. But in this case, it sometimes helps also to have that, I begin to love you differently meaning loving before was to be there for all of your hardships, to be there for your beck and call. And for you to rely on me and depend on me so that I could be loved too.

Candice Wu 45:17

And if I begin to love you differently, I can love you and not be there for all your hardships. I can love you differently by enjoying time with you, by seeing you in your life or hardships or joy. It opens up the space of loving someone in a different way than you used to. And also to point out that was a way of loving.

Candice Wu 45:50

So I want to end this podcast with a couple of things.

Candice Wu 45:58

It’s not easy to feel, sometimes it’s not easy the feeling through emotions and energy is what transforms and what changes things on the inside and out. And the awareness of this is what moves it along naturally. Just being aware and noticing one moment is what helps things move.

Candice Wu 46:19

When we’re working with being in a human body and feeling emotions, we need to feel safe in our body to feel them. There are tools to do that. And I support my clients with that with Somatic Experiencing with constellations, with just feeling into strength. And there are plenty of people out there that can also be your support.

Candice Wu 46:40

So if you’re doing that, that’s fantastic. Sometimes we need a break, just recognize that. But if you’re someone who is ready to open up to that, go for it. It can change the world inside of you.

Candice Wu 46:57

So being in your body to feel your emotions is one thing, and then being able to identify them, identify what you’re feeling and feel through them, stay with it until you find the resolve or what’s needed, and allow it to be acknowledged and honored. All of that takes practice.

Candice Wu 47:18

And when the tender part of our soul comes out, we need a gentle patient, compassionate, and understanding presence to support us, whether that’s within ourselves if we haven’t already, or if we’re cultivating it, or from the outside. And so we can do it ourselves. So someone who’s done their own work, someone who has developed the capacity of their nervous system to be able to hold someone else’s discomfort with them, that they have lived experience, to hold space with someone that has and is moving through their discomfort. That’s what we need so we can build it for ourselves.

Candice Wu 48:01

So just to clarify, these are some of the steps of embodiment that I want to name today. And step one being the desire for feeling, feeling more or to move through your life with more ease, be more like yourself. A desire for anything. That’s not what you have right now, in terms of who you are.

Candice Wu 48:25

Number two is safety in the body. A relationship within or outside of you that brings you safety and the ability to cultivate that to resource yourself.

Candice Wu 48:38

Three is the ability to stay with what you’re feeling and move through it to notice and allow to know when to stop and take a break and pendulate, meaning to come back to safety and away from the challenging emotion or felt sense.

Candice Wu 49:00

Four is recognizing and identifying emotion or sensation. Feeling into the colors and the picture that comes up or the size of that emotion in your body.

Candice Wu 49:15

Five is allowing organic resolution, movement or impulse, aside from real life, but in the body now as you’re processing it and being with it, allowing that organic movement to come through, letting your body be congruent with what you feel.

Candice Wu 49:36

Number six would be for me having “aha” moments. Moments of clarity and insight that you can apply to your real life situation. When the body comes out of fight, flight, or freeze state, a numbness or dissociative state, when you come back in your body with the wisdom of your body accessible and safety, you have more capacity to see, to think, and to notice more possibility.

Candice Wu 50:11

So start anywhere. The analytical mind might think I don’t know where to start. Where should I start? How do I do this? And try to find the answers and the solution. But that may be exactly it. Just start by noticing what you feel when you have that thought.

Candice Wu 50:34

If you continue on that line of thinking, you may be just continuing to say I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know which is denial. Denial of what’s there beyond the thinking, knowing.

Candice Wu 50:50

So the last thing I want to share today is Feeling 101, Sensing 101. How do you get in the body?

Candice Wu 50:59

We don’t always have to be still or quiet our mind, as meditation or some myths of meditation might tell you. Quieting our mind is a result of witnessing and allowing. So what we really need is to witness and allow what’s happening, at least until we’ve healed enough and enough of that. Enough of what wants healing within us does resolve, then we find stillness, then we find quiet.

Candice Wu 51:31

However, you can find a moment of quiet in terms of stop doing the things around you, stop moving around by doing. But just bringing your attention inward and having a quiet moment with yourself, that’s a great way to start witnessing.

Candice Wu 51:51

So in this next couple of days, I actually want to offer a couple of introductory embodiment, experiences. So please join me in the healing experiences and meditations this week.

Candice Wu 52:06

One of the healing experiences will be providing you a menu of all the things that you can feel inside when you’re tuning inward.

Candice Wu 52:16

When I first started feeling inward into the body, I had no clue what I was looking for, what I should or could be feeling. So I decided to create a menu of what one could look for and sense into in the body so that you can begin to be more embodied. And if you are more embodied, you can heal what’s there inside, you can feel more grounded and centered in yourself. And you can feel more in your body, more like your present in the moment and able to have the capacity to feel through all of what’s there.

Candice Wu 52:56

The second healing experience will be a body scan tuning into the full body with Pratyahara, which is the five senses drawn inward.

Candice Wu 53:07

I’d also recommend a couple of healing experiences that are already out there on the podcast, as well as on the Sound Sleep album.

Candice Wu 53:16

The first one is resourcing safety and grounding which is Episode 24-A. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/emotions or CandiceWu.com/ep24.

Candice Wu 53:32

Resourcing safety and grounding is about tuning into something that can bring you safety and strengthening, which increases your capacity to feel anything. So when we feel into something pleasant, something life-giving or providing us love, then we turn on our body in ways that help our nervous system to feel more and to be able to go into harder feelings. Whatever feelings are existing or that you want to heal.

Candice Wu 54:03

The second one I’d recommend is also on that same episode CandiceWu.com/emotions and that’s 24-B. Episode 24-B and it’s pendulation.

Candice Wu 54:17

Pendulation is a term from Somatic Experiencing which allows you to move back and forth from two different polarities of feeling, feeling unpleasant sensation or emotion to pleasant experience, and therefore giving you more capacity to feel into both and to heal as well.

Candice Wu 54:37

And the third experiential that is also connected to that same episode 24-C, is installing an emotional switchboard which connects you with several main emotions that you can install into the body like an imprint that gives you access to it defying certain emotions, those emotions particularly so that your body can sync up your ability to sense what’s going on and then to name it.

Candice Wu 55:11

I’d also recommend checking out the healing experiential, that is self-touch and grounding. Because when we touch our body, that sensation helps us to feel more and to feel what’s going on. And also to bring the nervous system down because the body’s reminded that it has this container. That’s Episode 47-A and it’s CandiceWu.com/alignment or CandiceWu.com/ep47. And that particular one is 47-A and then 47-C is resourcing your desire which can support you and also tuning into something strengthening or something that you really want to cultivate in your life that helps you be able to feel.

Candice Wu 55:59

In the Sound Sleep album, there are a couple of very helpful grounding and embodiment experientials including a body scan, short and extended version. A Yoga Nidra practice which is yoga at sleep that helps to bring a deeper level of consciousness forward, a deeper level of relaxation and restoration. And several resourcing experiences that you can access which will also help you sleep better, but will support you in feeling more embodied. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/soundsleep.

Candice Wu 56:40

Today, I’d like to end everything with another poem by Mary Oliver, who recently passed away. This is one that pertains to this episode. And here it is.

Candice Wu 56:53

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”

Candice Wu 57:11

So as we end today, I encourage you to just take a couple of breaths, notice these breaths.

Candice Wu 57:21

Notice what you might have taken in through this podcast. What might be helpful to you now? And what’s not helpful to you now?

Candice Wu 57:37

What you feel compelled or inspired to do for yourself. And what that tender part of your heart calls you to do or tells you right now.

Candice Wu 58:00

Thank you so much for being here and listening in. I encourage you to reach out for support to me or anyone you know, that feels like you can take that next step if you haven’t done so.

Candice Wu 58:16

I love doing one on one sessions with people. And I also have the embodied group call that happens once a month with a small group of two or three people. You can find all that at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 58:35

And before you go, I’d like to invite you to join my bi-monthly newsletter, which gives you updates about where I am, what I’ve been tussling with, the insights that come out of that, as well as self-love tips and self-love notes, events, retreats and other things that come up.

Candice Wu 58:57

The most recent thing being the Dream Class that is on Skillshare, where if you’re inspired to learn how to remember your dreams more you can take this short class of 30 minutes that brings embodied ways to remember your dreams and how to just get with the basics of recording our dreams and harvesting them. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1 and for the newsletter CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 59:32

And with that, I look forward to seeing you next time on The Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This healing experiential offers a menu of what you can feel and sense inside of yourself, so that when you’re moving towards embodiment, when you take a moment to sense inward, here’s what you can look for.

When I first started feeling inward into the body, I had no clue what I was looking for or what I should or could be feeling.

So, I decided to create a menu of what one could look for and sense into in the body, so that you can begin to be more embodied, and if you are more embodied, you can heal what’s there inside, you can feel more grounded and centered in yourself, and you can feel more in your body, more like you are present in the moment, and able to have the capacity to feel through all of what’s there.

More on the Podcast

You can listen to the full podcast that introduces this topic about embodiment 101 and talking to the skeptic and you about why feeling and sensing in the body why embodiment is important. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embodiment101. Also, look out for the next healing experience/meditation, which will be a body scan and pratyahara, which is bringing the five senses inward.

Felt Sense Menu

Now, let’s get started. Go ahead and find yourself a comfortable and private space to be.

Feel free to sit on something or wrap a blanket around you, but sit up nice and tall, and feel free to play something under your hips to give yourself some back support.

If you need to take a break at any time, feel free to pause this healing experience, and just bring yourself to notice your surroundings so that you can come out of the body and take a break, especially if you feel overwhelmed or some discomfort that starts to feel unmanageable or intolerable comes along.

Whenever we go inward, we have that positive ability of distress or emotions coming up to be healed, and we may or may not feel ready to do so, and having support is absolutely helpful. So, if you do need to reach out to someone, a healer or a therapist or a friend that can really be this kind of presence and support, please do so.

So, as you start to get settled in your space, feel free to look down or to close your eyes.

And as you feel inward, I’ll take you through several menu items of what you can look for and sense into inside to get a pulse of what’s happening, to be present with your body.

So, the first thing, just start to notice the space right around you. If your eyes are closed or if they’re looking down, either way, just sense the space right around your body.

And as you bring your attention closer to your body, first, start to notice the outlines of your body, your skin, and the edge.

Notice where your body is touching another part of your body, your clothing or what you’re sitting on or leaning against, and feel the sensation of your skin touching something else or the weight of your body pressing against anything that it’s pressed against.

And now, start to notice where your body is not touching anything at all, but perhaps the air or space around you.

Now, begin to notice your breath. Feel your breath without changing it at all. Notice if it’s a smooth or choppy breath, a deep or shallow breath, easy or hard to breathe.

Let your body breathe on its own, just as it is, and notice what happens as you stay with noticing each breath in and each breath out, can feel into where the breath is touching your nostrils or mouth, the temperature of it as it goes in as well as out.

And now, begin to picture in your mind where the breath reaches in the body, how far it reaches and where it doesn’t reach, where it feels constricted or blocked.

There’s no judgment or pressure to change, we’re just gathering information with all these different menu items at this moment with the breath.

Observe Temperature and Tension

And now, check-in with your body temperature. Feel where your body is warm or hot, and sense into where your body might be cool or cold or neutral. You might even have a picture in your mind of where there is heat and coolness by seeing the colors in your body, if there’s a sense of what color each part of your body might be, according to temperature and sensation.

Notice if the inner part of your body feels different than the outer part of your body. Notice if your head feels different from your chest and core, then from your legs and your feet, then from your arms and hands.

And as you feel if you’re having thoughts, just notice those thoughts, and come back to feeling the temperature of your body and picturing it in your mind.

Now, open to tension and holding in the body. Sense into where there’s any tension, tightness, resistance or gripping in the body, where your muscles are contracted and tight, and begin to picture in your mind.

Where is it that this holding and tightness lives in the body? How big is this tension? If it’s in your shoulders, does it reach to the neck and the jaw? Is it even in the teeth and tongue? If it’s in your hip does it reach your spine or legs?

Inner Vision

Paint a picture in your mind of where you’re seeing and sensing this tension in the body, and again, there’s no judgment.

No need to criticize or change what’s happening. Your awareness alone begins the healing process for the body. As you feel how big and where the tension is, get a sense for if there’s any color or texture of that tension.

Don’t worry if you don’t see it, you might just have a sense, and check all of your body from head to face to neck, your shoulders, arms, and hands. Getting that picture in your mind of what exactly this looks like to feel any tension in the body.

Notice the chest, the belly, sides of the body and the back, again, sensing any color, texture, size, and shape of the holding you feel in the body. Notice the hips and pelvis, your legs, and your feet.

And now, notice the opposite of tension. Notice where there’s any neutral or release any expansion or relaxation in the body and the muscles.

Notice those spaces and paint that picture in your mind of where that is, if it has any color, if it has any texture, and notice what happens as you stay with it by just witnessing and tracking.

Felt Sense

Now, as you feel in the body, sense other sensations besides tension. Notice if there’s any tingliness in the muscles, in the tissues and cells of the body, even in the bone and the skin. Notice if there’s any achiness, sharp pains or dull pains.

Notice any kind of sensation that you sense inside. Don’t worry about giving it a name or anything, just sense where it is. Notice what it feels like, if it has any color, shape, size, and texture.

Notice if you feel any hollow feeling, any fiery or wobbly feeling, anything that’s inside as far as the body sensations.

Sensing Emotion

Now, shift gears to your emotions. Check inside and sense any emotion that you notice. Emotions can live anywhere in the body. Feel where any emotion lives in the body.

Sometimes, it’s hard to name our emotions, so don’t worry about that part. If there’s a sense of an emotion or feeling, just observe it, accept and allow it.

Notice your heart, and if any emotions are living in your heart, and do the same thing, sense the color, shape, texture, location of any emotions you feel.

Allowing Movement

And now, let’s shift gears to movement or non-movement in the body. Take inventory of how your body feels, whether it feels active and wants to move around, and what parts of your body wants to move, what part of your body wants to grip and get tighter or hold on, and what part of your body wants to stay still, if at all.

This is letting the body’s impulse come through, noticing what the body wants to do, if you could do anything or move in any way or stay still.

If the movement wants to come through, go ahead and do so and observe what’s happening. If your body wants to stay still, observe the stillness and that desire.

Opening Imagery

And as we shift gears again, let’s tune into any images, daydreams or pictures in our mind that we see or sense.

Be open to observing any flashes of memories, images, colors. Notice any of those images, and notice if there are none. And as you see any of those images and track them, notice how you feel in your body.

Noticing Thoughts

And now, let’s shift gears into noticing any thoughts that you’re having. Without any judgment or trying to make them stop or push them away, observe your thoughts and where your mind goes.

Notice where your awareness is right now, whether it’s on your thoughts or in your body. And if your eyes are closed or open, either way, notice where your eyes are turned, in which direction or where they want to look or point.

And now, as we take in all of the ways that we can feel into the body and since inward, all of the menu items, breath, temperature, the edges of our body, our emotions, our body sensations, movement and impulse, images and thoughts.

As you open to all of that right now, and your whole body, notice anything that’s happening inside. Check-in with each part of your body and sense what’s happening, picturing in your mind anything that you sense, so you can see this entire inner landscape of your body, heart and what’s happening.

Again, noticing any colors, noticing the size and location of what you feel, any textures you sense of what you feel. Feel free to go more and more inward into your being, and notice the experience of this.

Continue Observing

Now, take your time here to stay with yourself and continue to witness observe, allow and accept what’s here.

I’ll leave you with even more quiet time together to sense into what’s here, and anytime you’re ready to come out of this practice and back to your day, back to this moment in the present, feel free to shift or move, sense your surround things, and slowly open the eyes at your body’s pace.

So, now, let’s take a little more time and you can transition when it’s right for you, and at the very end, we’ll notice some music to help you transition back into the present moment.

Thanks so much for practicing, and let’s take a little more time to feel in.

Introduction

You’re tuning into a healing experiential to support grounding, embodiment, and healing, which is a body scan that includes Pratyahara, tuning into all of the five senses and bringing those five senses inward into the body.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Why Feel Episode

Thanks so much for joining me today. This episode is a healing experience a meditation, if you will, that connects with the main episode about why feel? And how do we become embodied and why? Why should we? For the skeptic in you. And that episode CandiceWu.com/embodiment101.

The previous experiential that connected with this episode as well, was a menu of all the ways you can tune into your body and your experience, what you can look for if you don’t even know where to start. Or if you just want to deepen and expand and refresh yourself in terms of how do you feel into your present experience.

Let’s Begin

So let’s jump in today.

Go ahead and find a place to either lie down or sit comfortably.

And as you sit down, feel the weight of your body down towards the ground or whatever you’re sitting on.

Look around your space and start to just sense what you see. Notice your sense of sight.

Notice any sounds in your space or outside of your space.

Notice any smells.

Be aware of any tastes that you sense or literally taste and feel where your body is touching. Whether that’s touching something you’re sitting on, your clothing, or anything else around you.

Pratyahara — Five Senses Inward

Now we’re going to take all those five senses and bring them inward that’s Pratyahara, bringing the five senses inward.

Feel free to close your eyes, or look down whichever you feel more comfortable with and shift your awareness to inside your body.

As you feel your breath, begin to notice the sound of your breath. Notice any other sounds inside your body.

Opening your sense of sight inward, begin to picture anything that’s happening on the inside. Picture it as if you could see a visual of all of what you’re experiencing in your body.

Notice where you’re seeing anything or sensing anything, such as emotions, body sensations, temperature, or images.

Notice the size and shape of what you sense inward, any tension or holding, the texture of what you feel inside, any color, if there’s color, that you sense.

Now feel the body from the inside out, your sense of touch. Feeling from inside the body, what’s happening?

What the experience of being in your body right here and now is like?

Now, notice the sense of taste, tasting anything on the inside, and that can be literal, or your sense of a feeling or sensation and how that tastes. If there are any minerals that you taste, the quality of taste.

And now the sense of smell, if the body from the inside out, how to smell, and that quality of whatever scent there is, notice that quality. It might not be a literal smell but that sense that you might be able to smell however the body is right now.

Whole Body

And as you sense all of the five senses going inward, your sense of sound, sight, taste, smell, and touch the feeling of the body from the inside out, notice your whole being, picture your whole body and energy taking all of those senses at once.

Without any effort or pushing, continue to notice what happens. What you sense. Allow yourself to just be.

And with those senses inward, notice the very top of your head, the forehead, sensing anything that’s happening there without any changing it and without judgment. Notice the temples, the eyebrows, your eyeballs, the cheekbones, and the jaws.

Notice the space between the jaws as well as the teeth and the gums and sense the tongue, and as you notice the back of the throat and the neck, create that inner picture of what’s happening inside, with your sense of sight, taste, smell, sound, and inner touch.

And do the same as we continue to feel the back of the head, back of the neck, the center of the neck, the shoulders, the arms, the elbows, the wrists, the tops of the hands, and the palms.

Notice the fingers and the space in between the fingers.

And as you bring your awareness back to the center of the body, feel the collarbones and the chest.

Notice the upper back, the spine at the upper back.

All the sides of the heart including top and bottom.

Notice the lungs and imagine you could see and sense the lungs.

Feel the rib cage from the front to the sides, to the back.

Now bring your attention to your belly. The belly button, the sides of the body, the back, and the spine. Notice the spine all the way down the low back to the tailbone. Picture the shape of the pelvis sensations that you notice, feeling the pelvis and the hips from the inside out.

Notice your sense of your legs at the thighs, any tension or holding you feel.

Sense the knees, the backs of the knees, the calves, and the shins.

Notice the ankles all the way around, the heels, the bottoms of your feet, the tops of your feet, and all of your toes, sense the space in between your toes.

And now feel the entire shape of your body, sense the body from the core of your being outward.

Checking in with your sense of sight and noticing what you see as you create that inner picture of your felt sense, what you taste, smell, and hear, feeling your entire being, your entire body at once.

Coming Back to Your Surroundings

Now slowly begin to notice your breath.

Allow yourself to deepen your breath at your pace.

Breathe into your arms and your legs.

Start to bring more awareness back to your fingers and toes, giving them a little movement and stretch or move your body in any way that feels good for you now.

Allow yourself to ease and transition back into the present moment, gradually and slowly.

And as you open the eyes, stay with your inner experience.

Stay connected with the energy going inward with all five senses. And when you feel ready, start to notice those five senses around you again. What you see, what you hear, what you smell, and taste, and anything your body can feel or touch.

End

Thank yourself for practicing and going inward with yourself.

If this was challenging for you at all, know that it takes a little bit of practice to come to ease with this and to feel through what’s going on. And if anything challenging came up, encourage you to reach out for support.

Thanks so much for practicing today and I look forward to seeing you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is a fun and lively conversation with Jill Massura about moments we don’t feel like being responsible or in our power, the gifts and challenges of showing up as human and vulnerable, how addiction ended up being the greatest gift of Jill’s life and seeing our life through wisdom lenses.

Candice Wu 0:21

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:35

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:51

All of the podcasts, including this one, are made possible by my work with clients one on one, as well as couples and relationships. I am just shouting out to all of my clients out there who listen in and support this work by giving me ideas, by being present, and engaging with the content, and by giving me feedback.

Candice Wu 0:53

I love working with my clients. I love to support them in feeling like themselves, in feeling that they are the source of their own healing, that they can navigate their emotions with ease and truly know themselves so that they can live the life that they want, and honor and love themselves at a very deep level.

Candice Wu 1:02

My clients and I work with any personal trauma, any overwhelming experiences that happened in the past, in their soul, or in the intergenerational experience, that seem to affect them today, so that they can truly feel free and at peace in their life now.

Candice Wu 1:34

If you’d like to see if one-on-one work is for you, if you want deeper support, more awareness in your life, or to feel more and not less, reach out to me for a free consultation, CandiceWu.com/connect. So let’s jump into this episode.

Candice Wu 2:10

Our guest today in the Embody Podcast is Jill Massura. She is a personal empowerment coach, and she supports her clients in living their best lives with excitement, free of negative thoughts and behaviors. And she believes that your relationship with yourself sets the stage for all the other relationships in your life. And that anything you want in your life is possible.

Candice Wu 2:33

About eight years ago, she began her career in helping people as a massage therapist. And through that work, she was able to help her clients release physical pain and began to study the body-mind connection.

Candice Wu 2:46

So over the course of time, her practice has evolved to include tapping or EFT as some know it, and self-love and empowerment coaching.

Candice Wu 2:56

The first time I met Jill, I felt an instant ease in talking with her. And that’s because she shows up just as so human. And here in this episode, we talk very vulnerably about what’s going on in our personal lives and what we’re struggling with. So, I hope you enjoy this kind of raw experience of our conversation. So without further ado, here is Jill.

Candice Wu 3:22

Well, I have the pleasure of having Jill Massura here, again, for the, what do you call it? A double take?Part two?

Jill Massura 3:30

I don’t know. Hi Candice!

Candice Wu 3:33

Hi! So good to have you.

Jill Massura 3:36

Nice to be here with you today.

Candice Wu 3:39

Well, this is what we’re talking about. This was last time –

Jill Massura 3:42

What about that? Are we going to take that out? –

Candice Wu 3:45

That’s terrible! Let’s see what happens in the recording. But they haven’t been doing this whole morning.

Jill Massura 3:50

We might be going in the closet room.

Candice Wu 3:52

We might have to go in the closet.

Jill Massura 3:56

I’m really dying to go in the closet. You know?

Candice Wu 3:58

Wait. This is more like it.

Jill Massura 4:01

Our own experiences and ability to be vulnerable about the truth of those experiences is really what moves the world. It’s really what people lean into so much more than a fancy office or the perfect Instagram page, or, you know, just hanging a shingle out and calling yourself a coach.

Jill Massura 4:24

If you lack the vulnerability, if you lack the empathy, if you’re about yourself, or thinking that you have some wisdom that needs to be packaged and imparted, it trips the space up a little bit in connection with people.

Jill Massura 4:49

It’s a head game every day, I think for people who put themselves out there publicly and have declared, you know, a line of work for themselves, is that there needs to be some standard of perfection attached to it in order for it to connect to people. But whatever it is, is going to connect to whoever holds that dynamic and so if I think I need to be perfect, then I’m going to connect with the crowd who thinks that they need to be perfect. And that’s not my message at all.

Candice Wu 5:24

And here’s a little more –

Jill Massura 5:26

A little girl trying on our mom’s clothes and shoes, and makeup and they don’t fit. But she’s pretending, you know, she’s idealizing and saying, “I want to be like you”, but it never fits.

Jill Massura 5:41

And it looks put on, and that’s what happens when cute as it is, right? That’s what happens when we put on other people’s lives. We become like other people. So you know, it never ever fits. And we’re here to have our own closet full of clothes. You know that work for us and not just because they’re trendy, right?

Jill Massura 6:05

I’m metaphorically speaking, but you know, not just because some style expert said that this is what we need to be wearing. We need to be able to literally have a metaphorical closet full of clothes that feel like they fit us. Right? And a life that fits us.

Candice Wu 6:25

And then, we found out that only half the recording was there.

Jill Massura 6:31

That’s right. Yeah.

Candice Wu 6:32

And you were such a good sport. You’re like, “Well, just do it again.”

Jill Massura 6:34

Oh, yeah. Oh, what are we going to do right?

Candice Wu 6:37

I don’t know.

Jill Massura 6:38

Let’s just do it again.

Candice Wu 6:41

And isn’t that just the thing, like, one of the things I hate the most is actually redoing things. I don’t know what it is about redoing, but this one felt good. I was so excited –

Jill Massura 6:50

No. I feel exactly the same feeling that I had, coming and driving out here this morning. It was like, “Oh, we’re just going to get to do it again.” It was like “We get to.” You know —

Candice Wu 7:01

Yeah.

Jill Massura 7:01

Not like we have to.

Candice Wu 7:02

Yeah.

Jill Massura 7:04

So yeah, in fact, I felt that at the time, right? When we discovered that one of the tracks didn’t record and so you know, well here we are again, but it’s just an opportunity to reconnect, you know? Around different information, possibly, or whatever comes up. So –

Candice Wu 7:24

Yeah, I guess we wanted some time together.

Jill Massura 7:26

I think so.

Jill Massura 7:27

There you go. Yep. That’s what happened.

Candice Wu 7:30

So let’s share with all the people out here listening. I would love for you to share, Jill, what you do, who you are, and give them a sense of you.

Jill Massura 7:41

Sure. So, I am Jill Massura and I am many things. But I am a woman and a wife, and a mother, a friend. I am a life coach. And I —

Candice Wu 7:58

Really good one.

Jill Massura 7:59

Oh, thank you so much.

Jill Massura 8:03

And a human. I think just having human experiences that are rich and informing, and inviting. And so it’s good, you know? It’s a good life.

Candice Wu 8:21

Thank you. Yeah, it’s so refreshing to see and hear you speak. I got the opportunity to be at your workshop a couple of weeks ago.

Jill Massura 8:31

Yeah, the tapping.

Candice Wu 8:32

Yeah, the EFT tapping workshop, and just seeing your presence on social media, I love your Instagram posts, where you just are so real, you cut to the chase of things. And so that piece of being human, I can really feel that presence, your presence of being human, behind your words, –

Jill Massura 8:52

Thank you

Candice Wu 8:53

How you communicate –

Jill Massura 8:54

Thank you so much. I think for me, that’s how I have to sort out information, is sort of like coming through it to the bottom of it, or the bottom line of it, and how I’m affected by that. And so it’s sort of like, bottom lining experiences or something?

Candice Wu 9:16

Yeah.

Jill Massura 9:17

I don’t know if I’m saying that right.

Candice Wu 9:20

Like distilling it to the bottom line or –

Jill Massura 9:22

Yes.

Candice Wu 9:23

to the essence of something

Jill Massura 9:24

The essence, that’s a good way of putting it, how it has made sense for me, maybe,

Candice Wu 9:29

Yeah.

Jill Massura 9:30

Or a jumping off point, or some kind of conclusion of the moment, you know, that we’ve drawn from a life experience that —

Jill Massura 9:40

I always say to anybody who talks about my Instagram page, or any of the quotes, most of those are just things that I say to myself, honestly, they’re just things that have come up through a thought something that may have tripped me up during the day. And I sort of process it, and what comes out is what you see there. So, yeah –

Candice Wu 10:00

Yeah.

Jill Massura 10:01

Just encouraging people to go a little bit deeper, you know, with, like, the root of what? What our essence is? Instead of just what we’re reacting to, you know, on the surface, so –

Candice Wu 10:10

Right. Like, what the pattern is —

Jill Massura 10:12

Yeah.

Candice Wu 10:13

Yeah, how do you take your experience and distill it down?

Jill Massura 10:18

Right, just some kind of, you know, I hate to say lessen, because, you know —

Candice Wu 10:23

Yeah.

Jill Massura 10:24

That’s not really the point, it’s more of, like, exploration. Like, think about it this way, you know, maybe a shift in perspective or something, which we can all use. I have my handle it all in the air every day.

Candice Wu 10:36

I’ll take a shift in perspective any day.

Jill Massura 10:38

I definitely. I ended the year on that. I need it the most.

Jill Massura 10:45

Really, truly, it’s just things that I say to myself. So it’s kind of like this, check yourself, you know –

Candice Wu 10:50

Yeah.

Jill Massura 10:50

Some of these things are, you know, check yourself moments like, what is this really about? Yeah.

Candice Wu 10:56

Are there any moments that you are checking yourself on now, nowadays, or this last couple of days or week?

Jill Massura 11:05

Whew. That is an awesome question.

Jill Massura 11:10

Definitely, yes. For me, like the constant work is checking yourself on the things that you’re reacting to with other people, for example, something that’s just ongoing right now, is something that –

Jill Massura 11:27

I’m married for 23 years, and your relationships are such a reflection, right, of what’s going on inside of you.

Candice Wu 11:35

Absolutely.

Jill Massura 11:36

Just an awesome opportunity to really work. But sometimes we don’t feel like it. Now we just –

Candice Wu 11:43

Yeah, I can relate to that.

Jill Massura 11:47

Right? Sometimes we really want to make it about this other person. Like, it’s you, you know? Like, it is not, but my reaction is my responsibility at all times, right? So, I love knowing that. And I hate knowing that too, you know? Right? That’s –

Candice Wu 12:03

That calls you to responsibility, calls you to look at your self.

Jill Massura 12:08

It’s like, “I don’t want to be responsible for my reactions today, can I please make that about the other person?”

Jill Massura 12:14

And they may be, you know, forcing a mirror, right? Like, I didn’t want to go through that today. Or, but it’s or I wasn’t expecting that to happen today. I wasn’t expecting this reaction. And I’m really, like, thrown off track by it. And so that was, you know, that was happening, something happened yesterday, and I just really am struggling to let go of like, it’s not about that person. It’s my reaction to that person.

Jill Massura 12:40

I might not love what they’re doing, or how they interpreted something, or how they went about, you know, some way, behaving some way, I may not agree with it but my reaction to it is my responsibility to take care of. So that’s certainly pretty high on the list of things that are challenging me to something higher today, for sure. All our personal relationships do.

Candice Wu 13:10

Yeah, right. Absolutely.

Jill Massura 13:12

Yeah.

Jill Massura 13:14

So I’m blessed, right? I’m blessed for the opportunity, I have to, you know, I’m shifting back between that, and I’m upset by what’s happening. And I’m grateful for the opportunity. I’m upset by what’s happening. I’m processing that. But I’m also really grateful and blessed to have a relationship that creates an opportunity for me to learn something more about me.

Candice Wu 13:38

I think that going back and forth of looking at yourself, feeling the upsetness, feeling the reaction like, yeah, it’s all there. And sounds like you’re embracing all of that. And you have this relationship that’s safe to do so.

Jill Massura 13:55

Yes, safe inside I think, you know, that’s the relationship that matters the most is the relationship that we have with ourselves.

Jill Massura 14:03

Are we a safe place to come when we’re confused? Because that back and forth, you know, your, what you can’t see Candice doing is she’s like moving her hands or the back and forth. We feel that in our body, and it’s really uncomfortable when you’re in that space, you know, of sorting things out.

Jill Massura 14:21

For me, I really feel that deeply in my actual body. And it’s uncomfortable, and it’s unsettling. And I just want to be like, in a better feeling about it. But what makes, you know, what causes me to be in that better place? It’s the actual process of the sorting.

Candice Wu 14:37

Yes

Jill Massura 14:37

So, I have to go through it. Like, there’s no way around it. I can’t jump over it and hope to learn the lesson. I can. We can all jump over it and try to numb out or try to just be distracted some way. But we’re going to learn from it. You know, we’re just kind of avoiding the truth of something, you know, and it could be a great truth, it could turn out to be something that’s really valuable, even though it’s in our nature to kind of skirt around. It’s not really always in our best interest to do that.

Candice Wu 15:05

Yeah, that avoiding is just not digesting.

Jill Massura 15:08

Right.

Candice Wu 15:08

And the experience, you can’t eliminate the stuff that is “Go”, you can’t take in the good parts of it. The insights –

Jill Massura 15:17

That’s incredible that you say, I’m sorry to just cut you off. But I’m like, I’m literally feeling this circumstance. Like, in my gut right now. Just below my diaphragm, it’s just sitting there. And when you say digesting, I’m going, it hasn’t moved down. You know, it’s just like, right there. Don’t forget about me! Right?

Candice Wu 15:43

Yeah, well, the stomach, the holder of information.

Jill Massura 15:46

Definitely.

Candice Wu 15:47

Right there calling you.

Jill Massura 15:49

So prevalent in me. Is it for you too?

Candice Wu 15:52

For me, well, I was telling you, before we got on air, I was really nervous about this recording of this podcast, because of the first time when we failed, I felt like “Oh, if only I did something different.”

Candice Wu 16:06

But what we had done was a new way of recording this. So this time, I was just really anxious about getting it right this time. So we actually have what we talked about.

Jill Massura 16:17

Yes.

Candice Wu 16:18

And to be able to honor that and share it. So there’s that. And the thing that I’m checking myself on is that I’m about to leave for Utah in Arizona for the retreat that I’m having as well –

Jill Massura 16:32

So good.

Candice Wu 16:33

Yeah, I’m excited. And we have about 10 days beforehand, where my partner and I are traveling, and I’m letting myself have this complete rest at that time, but pushing myself beforehand and getting everything set up beforehand.

Candice Wu 16:49

And there are things that I took on to my plate that I felt like “Did I have done this before?”

Candice Wu 16:54

A big trip where I’m trying to, like getting work ahead. And so my checking myself is where I’m feeling fatigued and tiredness and thinking, “Where’s the root of that? Is it just a matter of I took on too much? Why do I take on too much?”

Candice Wu 17:13

And that just have you gotten all my stuff?

Candice Wu 17:16

Well, it’s a little bit. It’s just tapping back into the stuff that always has been, and has been worked through the feeling of not enough or that I have to do it a certain way. And there is this framework of what I think I should be doing, in terms of even when I’ve chosen the things in my life that I love.

Jill Massura 17:40

Yeah.

Candice Wu 17:40

Somehow, I still like, can wander into the framework of “Yes, it has to be this way, once a week, this podcast goes out –

Jill Massura 17:49

So good.

Candice Wu 17:49

Right?

Jill Massura 17:50

Yes.

Candice Wu 17:50

And so, I work with letting myself be fluid and changing my mind, letting it be different, different weeks, not doing something that I’ve set out to do, even if I wanted to do it, and just letting myself rest, integrate things and slow down a lot.

Jill Massura 18:13

That’s so important. Just that word integration, it made me feel calm, it makes me feel calm, right? Because if we just go from, you know, I actually visualize you just sort of sitting there, and then all this stuff’s like calibrating around you, you know, these little like thought bubbles, right? Are kind of merging into each other, and then just washing over you and becoming part of you.

Jill Massura 18:36

You know, when we hold ourselves to some rigid, you know, calendar or some kind of process, right, that we just, there’s a lot of information about that, you know, and our relationships with ourselves there —

Candice Wu 18:52

A lot. It can feel like it’s very subtle, though, to go to distilling it.

Jill Massura 18:59

Yeah.

Candice Wu 19:00

I asked myself, “What does tired mean?” –

Jill Massura 19:02

Oh

Candice Wu 19:03

“What does exhaustion mean?”

Candice Wu 19:04

People say that to me all the time that they’re very tired. I think it’s a great question to ask ourselves. Like, what does tired mean to us? And for me, it pulls me all the way back to times in my young life, that I felt like I was responsible for everything. And so it just has its remnants, its residue that shows up now and —

Jill Massura 19:27

Like an overwhelm?

Candice Wu 19:29

Well –

Jill Massura 19:30

Or is it different?

Candice Wu 19:31

It is, yeah, it is an overwhelm. There’s a feeling of being responsible for everyone’s feelings.

Candice Wu 19:36

When I’m younger, and something I’ve worked with a great deal and where I can fall into it again, is when I’m tired, or slowly, gradually, it’s kind of one in the same –

Jill Massura 19:49

Checking in and out of kind of thing?

Candice Wu 19:50

Yeah.

Jill Massura 19:50

Am I tired or am I this? Or am I this? Or am I tired? Right? You know, am I feeling overly responsible?

Candice Wu 19:55

Right? And where did it start? Or was it just all a part of the whole being?

Jill Massura 20:00

Yeah. And I get that about, you know, what, of course, with when you’re setting up an experience for people, you want them to have the best possible experience that they can have. And so there is a lot of responsibility tied to that, you know?

Jill Massura 20:15

From before we came on air here today, you were telling me about the menu, you know, the Ayurvedic chef come and cook for the individuals on this retreat, and being able to create a menu and I’m thinking how amazing, you know, is that, but there’s also this, oh, you know, I got to bring in everybody’s piece of that, and what’s going to be relatable or likable, you know, for all the people and that’s from the menu to the activities, to the exercise, the whole experience.

Jill Massura 20:49

And, you know, when you hold that kind of space, you have absolutely everything in you to do it. I witness you. I see you, I feel you. I mean, you’re an incredible force in this world.

Candice Wu 21:03

Thank you.

Jill Massura 21:03

But it can be tiring, right? –

Candice Wu 21:06

Yeah.

Jill Massura 21:06

To be holding so much information for so many different people at one time. And then, like, “Where am I in this?” You know, did you put yourself on the list of —

Candice Wu 21:24

is that my calendar?

Jill Massura 21:27

Love it. Formal name, Candice.

Candice Wu 21:33

Yeah, well, speaking –

Jill Massura 21:34

Sometimes we need it, you know?

Candice Wu 21:36

Yeah.

Jill Massura 21:36

It seems silly, right? If we are not in this practice of self-care, and self-awareness, but if you need to put yourself on your own calendar, really on it, you know, on your phone, do it.

Candice Wu 21:51

Yeah, right.

Jill Massura 21:52

Whatever works –

Candice Wu 21:53

Whatever gets you –

Jill Massura 21:54

I don’t care what it looks like, you know? I really don’t I mean at this point I have zero concerned about that. But it’s like if that, you know, we, if your pattern and habit is to put yourself last, well, at least you’re on the list, right?

Candice Wu 22:09

Yeah. Well –

Jill Massura 22:12

Just make sure you’re on there somewhere. Yeah.

Candice Wu 22:15

Right.

Jill Massura 22:16

Right. So, it’s going to be amazing. You’re amazing.

Candice Wu 22:20

Yeah, I look forward to it. Yeah, you know, speaking of food, last time on, you know, the original podcast that we did, we talked about your roots in the work that you do now in life coaching and addiction, and food and recovery. And I would love for you to share your story with our listeners of how you got to where you are today. And what transpired for you.

Jill Massura 22:52

Oh, yeah. I just got, like, a little, you know, kind of Russian side of me about that. Just the suggestion, I think of being vulnerable about that as many times as I’ve shared the story or any of us have shared the story of our, a piece of our life, or maybe a large portion of something that happened. It’s vulnerable.

Candice Wu 23:21

It is. Yeah.

Jill Massura 23:22

It never becomes like a rogue kind of thing that you just, for me, it hasn’t anyway.

Candice Wu 23:28

I think that’s the beauty of it. Because it means something, and it’s part of you, and it’s part of your story. And to put it out into the light is, if you are doing it in a vulnerable way, it’s going to, in a connected way, it’s going to feel vulnerable.

Jill Massura 23:44

Yeah, it definitely does. But it feels also, like urgent or something. I don’t know, if that makes sense. And hard to boil down. That’s what I think it may be. It is. It’s just hard to boil down, you know?

Jill Massura 24:00

Just say, I struggled with an eating disorder and an addiction to alcohol for a couple of decades, is a hard thing, you know, it’s like, “Wow, now it’s out there.”

Jill Massura 24:12

The timing around it and the persistence and confusion, I think, for something to have gone on that long is, it is what it was, you know.

Jill Massura 24:25

I developed an eating disorder when I was 16 years old. I think it had its roots long before then, and looking back and really uncovering like, how did this dynamic begin inside of me? And why did I choose, you know, that was just the choice I made around the dynamic that was already in me, was to pick food, a relationship with food, and then eventually a relationship with alcohol as kind of the equalizer like numbing, you know, because there was so much anxiety and shame and depression, right?

Jill Massura 25:00

And it just all swirled around and in my young self, and I didn’t really know, I have a lot of coping mechanisms, you know.

Jill Massura 25:08

At 16, like, what do we really know, and this was, like, the 80s, you know, long before a lot of personal development. Certainly, before it was really a career or, you know, on the forefront of how people work within the framework of who they are. And maybe some of their struggles and challenges.

Jill Massura 25:31

There weren’t a lot of places, there’s traditional Talk therapy, and there weren’t really a lot of places to go for self-exploration that wasn’t just like a behavioral kind of model, right? Just stop doing that. Don’t do that anymore. And nobody ever really took it to the level of why am I doing that in the first place.

Jill Massura 25:51

And that’s just like that Instagram feed. That’s where this, the whole, like, who I am today comes from. I want to get to the root of how this all started. And then what we do there with that is really the work that’s the work. That’s the, for me, that’s the IT of, all its, you know. They are, right there.

Jill Massura 26:15

That’s when we get into that like, “What was this? What created this? Was it shame? Was it vulnerability? Was it fear? Was it something that actually happened, you know, some kind of trauma, some kind of childhood experience that created this inner dynamic going on with, with, like, you and yourself?”

Jill Massura 26:34

You know? Once I identify it, that’s not enough, like, how do I heal it? How do I come into that space with myself about where something actually started inside of me and find love around it, find acceptance around it first, really, because, you know, doing step one in AA right, you know, in for Alcoholics Anonymous is admitting that you have a problem, right?

Jill Massura 27:00

There’s an acceptance around it, that’s how change starts, for any of us on the wheel of change. You know, if you’re looking at the process of it, the first step in change is awareness, right?

Jill Massura 27:13

So, identifying and becoming aware, and, you know, both disordered eating and alcoholism have such roots in denial, but you’re just constantly turning away and avoiding, turning away and avoiding and then numbing, right? Or numbing with food, numbing with alcohol, no doubt, there’s, you know? –

Jill Massura 27:33

Now, what I’ve come to discover is that there’s a tremendous amount of chemistry inside and like coming from the brain that is actually being helped, you know, temporarily by both of those things, right? You know, when we eat all the feel-good hormones flow into the body, and, you know, it feels right. That’s how food addiction starts. It’s actually, you know, we’re looking to really fix our chemistry with ourselves, right? And it’s like, I don’t ever judge what somebody’s choosing. It makes sense to me when I can understand what’s going on with them at a deeper level. Of course, you chose food, of course, you drink, of course, you know, right. Like,

Candice Wu 28:11

Yeah, It kept you alive. –

Jill Massura 28:12

It was a coping skill, you know, a coping mechanism, right? So that’s why it’s like, you’ll pry this out of my dead freaking cold hands –

Jill Massura 28:23

I don’t care if it looks like I’m harming myself, or killing myself with this. If you knew what it did for me, you know, you’d never think to take it away. So there’s that whole very confusing. –

Candice Wu 28:37

That’s a very powerful statement.

Jill Massura 28:39

Yeah.

Candice Wu 28:40

“If you knew what it did for me, you’d never take it away.”

Jill Massura 28:42

Right? You would never ask me to give it up. And so there’s like, I can’t trust you. Because you don’t get me around people who want to judge you, or people who even care so much.

Jill Massura 28:54

I mean, you know, my family cared that I had an eating disorder, they weren’t like, “Oh, well, you know, I get that she’s using it to cope.”

Jill Massura 29:03

But they didn’t really understand the dynamic that was underneath it. And that needing and all of it, they were involved in that. And the whole- when one person in the family is hurting, it’s the whole dynamic of the family, you know? Nobody’s living in a bubble, right? In any relationship.

Candice Wu 29:23

You know it’s really about exploring that type of thing.

Jill Massura 29:25

I joke, like, I was my first client, right? And I really was. All of the processes and systems of awareness and support in the kinds of things that I went toward, to help me find some kind of sense about, like, “How the hell did I get here?” You know, once is not enough to just say, “I’m not going to drink anymore.” “I’m not gonna, you know, eat and throw up or starve myself.” Like, it’s not enough. I mean, that’s definitely the first step to separate yourself, like, from a behavior in a very deliberate way. But then what? Then all the feelings, all the sensations, all the thoughts, all the beliefs come, like, rushing back up, and then you’re just in that fight without your coping skills. I get why people go back and forth.

Candice Wu 30:21

Absolutely. Yeah.

Jill Massura 30:21

Right? I really want to quit, but I don’t have any other way. So I need to- I needed really to develop with those two things in play in my life. I needed to develop a very strong understanding of what it was that had brought me into that relationship with myself. And then how to support myself moving forward in a way that felt good, didn’t feel forced, that felt accepting and loving and forgiving. And that’s how I work with, you know, my clients today is really- it doesn’t- Everything, kind of, has the same sort of dynamic for healing. Isn’t it?

Candice Wu 30:21

Yeah.

Jill Massura 30:36

It really does.

Candice Wu 30:55

Yeah. And here in your story, what I hear in- as I filter into my experience, and what I’m hearing you say is that you looked for the wisdom of what drinking and eating brought you.

Jill Massura 31:21

Yeah.

Candice Wu 31:22

In a way, in a very deep way, honored that.

Jill Massura 31:25

Yes.

Candice Wu 31:26

And the only way you can move past is to honor that what it did for you and what it helped you with, and how it did save you in ways.

Jill Massura 31:36

Yeah, I saved my life. Right?

Candice Wu 31:39

Yeah.

Jill Massura 31:39

You know, I mean, people who say I have a problem and I’m willing to bring that out into the light and look for some kind of support or help to move through that, those are- these are my heroes. I mean, these- you know, anybody who says I have a problem in my life and I want to get help for it or help myself around it, is a hero to me, you know?

Jill Massura 32:04

So we can look at behaviors, we can look at things that pattern in our own lives and we can vilify ourselves for them or we can just kind of rescue ourselves from them, right? You’re so powerful, we’re all just so powerful to make whatever choice we want to make in our life about how we want to move forward.

Jill Massura 32:24

So, you know, for me, vilifying any part of myself just- I spent way too long in that kind of relationship with myself. Where I wanted something but I didn’t really want to change. And, you know, I was judged and the judging and the shame.

Jill Massura 32:25

And, you know, around that I had spent so much time. I didn’t even think it was possible to have any other relationship with myself, you know. But I was- thank God for really- this powerful little voice inside of me that kept coming, you know, trying to swim up to the surface and helped me break free that- there is something in here that you can trust. Just keep looking for it. And stop, you know, first, stop doing what you’re doing. But look for the wisdom.

Candice Wu 32:51

Thank goodness for that. That part of you that got preserved?

Jill Massura 33:20

Yeah. Thank God.

Candice Wu 33:25

How do you feel telling the story?

Jill Massura 33:27

Good. I feel good. You know, this is- it’s easier and easier for me to be transparent about my experiences. I think when I realized what it- there is the vulnerability in the beginning, like, you take a deep breath, and just –

Candice Wu 33:47

Yeah.

Jill Massura 33:47

start talking, right? But once we do, there’s so much relief. There’s just so much like, you know, not only, “Thank God, I’m not there anymore.” but, “Thank God, I did discover the wisdom.”, “Thank God, I learned something deeper. A different way to be with myself.” And I’m on the other side of that now, you know, and how do- how can I stay here? That’s also part of it. How can I stay?

Jill Massura 34:14

Because life, we don’t really know, we’re not really sure what’s going to happen, like, in the next hour and the next day. And if there might be something there that is triggering or kind of subtly calling us back to some old patterns that really didn’t serve us, so need to be- I’m not saying hypervigilance in any way but we need to really keep this.

Jill Massura 34:38

What, I mean as it turned out, I never thought I would say this ever, but you know, having an eating disorder and alcoholism turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. The best thing ever because it brought me forth in the healing. It brought me fully forth in the healing.

Jill Massura 34:59

And so, when I’m not feeling like I’m fully transparent, or like, I don’t want to be, there’s also information there to say, you know, “What is that that’s making you feel like you want to, kind of, dip back here?”

Jill Massura 35:12

Because that’s the danger zone for me and for any of us, right? Who has overcome something, it’s like, we don’t really, you know, not only do we not know what’s up ahead and if it’s going to be something that really tips the scale like to-

Candice Wu 35:26

Like, drawing –

Jill Massura 35:27

Yeah. Kind of, draw you back into old patterns of being that are so deeply ingrained in us.

Candice Wu 35:34

I see that as our spirit wanting us to solidify ourselves more and go back for whatever is there that’s still lingering or open, or the residue of the pattern or feeling that’s not yet digested. It’s calling us to look again but maybe look differently. Not do the same thing that did happen but to look at it, give it a different kind of attention or a different kind of tool.

Candice Wu 35:40

Now that you have so many now that most of us have more now than before, I think. Can’t say that for everybody, of course. But yeah, when we’re drawn back to a pattern, it’s something that we need to learn from, I think.

Jill Massura 36:22

Yeah, and heal. You’re right. It is. It’s this undigested or unreclaimed piece of us, you know, and so it’s just an opportunity to say, “Hold on a minute. If everything is how I choose to see it, how am I choosing to see this?” You know, what kind of relationship am I in with what’s going on right now. So, I just find, personally for me, to say, if I find myself in some kind of hard pattern, you know, judgmental pattern around my- something that I’m doing or thinking, or belief, or if I’m in some sort of resistance, you know?

Jill Massura 37:05

It has to be this way or I don’t want to move those two things are the way that I do it. But we all do resistance in different ways. Tired is a form of resistance. There’s more information. How can that, you know, if this doesn’t really feel good to be in that kind of resistance with what’s going on, then I can come in and say, “How can I come in here with some acceptance?”, “How can I come in here with some soft kind of like, putting a baby on your lap or like getting in a warm blanket?”

Jill Massura 37:38

Like, take this situation and be gentle with myself around it. Be kind with myself around it. That’s what allows us to let go of things. You know, the other pattern, the resistance, the judgments, that just really caused us to almost like, bear down, you know, double down on it, and you know, grip harder. So, I’m just- I feel like, for most of us, harder is the opposite of what we need. We need to be softer and letting go a lot more. Maybe that’s the whole lesson.

Candice Wu 38:17

I have been thinking about Mother Earth versus Mother Ocean. It’s not something that was very much in my awareness. We always talk about Mother Earth.

Jill Massura 38:31

Thinking about that Jimmy Buffett’s song.

Candice Wu 38:33

Oh, what’s that?

Jill Massura 38:34

I don’t know. It’s like (singing)- because I am sailing or something. “Mother Ocean…” or something. Okay, we’re gonna have to look it up for that one.

Candice Wu 38:45

Yeah. It’s interesting because I think there are times for both. Mother Nature is this, like, feminine, warm, gentle, holding everything, all loving, unconditional place.

Candice Wu 39:00

And I think Mother Ocean is more of this stern witness. Firm, the waves crash right into and you’re just steady with not much feeling towards anything that’s happening. And I don’t mean in a turned off way. But just like letting it rush right through you. And there it is. And so I play with the balance of both of those.

Jill Massura 39:30

And they are there to balance each other out. Try to think of the expression, it’d be like Native American proverb or something, that says- oh, let me get this right, “Earth tells water where to go. But water tells Earth how to look.”

Candice Wu 39:50

Can you say that again?

Jill Massura 39:51

“Earth tells water where to go. And water tells Earth how to look.” As your stomach is letting go. I love that. Yeah.

Candice Wu 40:00

My stomach-

Jill Massura 40:02

For me. That’s really an expression of something like a truth, that’s a tell in my body. Like, truuuuth.

Candice Wu 40:10

Yeah.

Jill Massura 40:10

For me, when my stomach does that, it really is, the single last thing –

Candice Wu 40:13

Something moves through –

Jill Massura 40:16

Candice is digesting on this podcast. Oh, yeah. It was information –

Candice Wu 40:21

I was only suggesting.

Jill Massura 40:21

But watering Earth, it’s interesting. I have studied Polarity Therapy. I spent three years studying it in depth in it’s based in Ayurveda and also on orthopedic manipulation of the body but it’s an energy-healing therapy and –

Candice Wu 40:41

Like more on Applied Kinesiology around, right?

Jill Massura 40:44

Yes, it is. And working with the positive, negative, and neutral energy in the body, and the different patterns that it has, but also working with the elements, you know, the five elements that are present in on all of us. And as you’re saying, this Mother Ocean, Mother Earth, I’m thinking those actually reside like, in an oval, those earth, and water elements reside together. And they’re the only two that do, so it’s really fascinating —

Candice Wu 41:18

Interesting. Right in the like, lower pelvic area

Jill Massura 41:23

And then fire has its own right? And yeah, and air has its own oval. So, I know we’re kind of drifting into stuff but it’s interesting, right?

Jill Massura 41:36

The expression of water and earth, stability and flow, in how we can be — because I get very, very flowy, —

Candice Wu 41:46

Right.

Jill Massura 41:47

You know, and then like, Oh, you know, I feel like I’m completely untethered. And I get stubborn, and I get no, very resistant. So that’s how I see Mother ocean and Mother Earth working and like within me, is that I go to extremes in both moments. Does that make sense?

Candice Wu 42:06

Yeah.

Jill Massura 42:07

You relate to that?

Candice Wu 42:10

Yes, I do. I think that’s why when I started to say it about Mother ocean, I started to hesitate. Because I was thinking well, there are definite times where I have that more witnessing aspect of me, the steadier part of me, that doesn’t really, I think, I’m struggling to find words for this experience of witness that is in a very neutral way, very neutral.

Candice Wu 42:39

And it doesn’t come with like, all sorts of love, it just watches it. And it helps. But I think that there are times where I go into one or the other a little too much or off balance, where the other is just needed a touch, at least. Or to find some sort of gray zone in between, sort of balance?

Candice Wu 43:02

But it’s fun to be able to use those tools or draw upon that sense of that.-

Jill Massura 43:07

Yeah.

Candice Wu 43:07

whenever it’s needed or ask myself what’s needed?

Jill Massura 43:10

Yes. Anything that lends itself to wisdom, around our experiences is worth it. You know, I mean, that’s what I seek. That’s, that’s what I enjoy as what I’m drawn to in this life. You know, it’s the wisdom, it’s the lessons, that’s the why, you know, as much as I love the information seeking, I really love coming through a process, either with myself or with another person into some form of wisdom that is helpful, right?

Jill Massura 43:43

Because there are all kinds of, you know, we can say, I get it, but how are we getting it? Or, we get it, you know, I get why that happened. It was all terrible. Or, I get why that happened. And I accept that it might not have been the way that I wanted it to go down. But it’s part of what brought me you know, here today.

Jill Massura 44:02

So, it’s better for me to move forward. If I can look at that. And with some kind of acceptance and love and forgiveness.

Candice Wu 44:13

Yeah, what level of yourself are you looking at it and saying, “I get it.”

Jill Massura 44:17

Right.

Candice Wu 44:17

What is the getting it? You know, I get it. I shouldn’t touch the stove versus I get it. The whole reason behind that was this belief in myself or this thought I had about the way the world works. Totally different story.

Jill Massura 44:33

Well, that’s what any of us at any time are really dealing with is what story are we choosing to tell ourselves? I prefer stories that make me feel better, stories with happy endings, right? That’s what I seek out. And that’s what actually informs and transforms my life on a daily basis is, how are we taking this all and moving it to something that, you know, has a happy ending?

Candice Wu 45:04

I struggle with that, because I want that, on one hand. And then that can go into this sort of evaluating kind of place. Right? Like, this is a good ending.

Candice Wu 45:20

Yeah, or —

Jill Massura 45:21

Right, you know, it’s all good ending.

Candice Wu 45:23

And something in between, right.

Jill Massura 45:25

That’s what I think. But –

Candice Wu 45:33

But then, there’s also- being life as it is than not needing to have good endings, and what that brings us or why something’s here, or just experiencing it with a neutrality.

Candice Wu 45:49

I find that gives me the feeling of wholeness, more so, than striving for the happy thing.

Jill Massura 45:56

Interesting.

Candice Wu 45:58

And yet, it’s not –

Jill Massura 46:00

I kind of hear you say, like, just accepting of the whatever thing, not good, not bad. Just, this is what’s happening now, or this is what I have is. Yeah.

Candice Wu 46:09

Yeah.

Jill Massura 46:13

There’s a lot of peace there.

Candice Wu 46:15

Yeah, there is –

Jill Massura 46:16

When you suggest the neutral, when you said, or just to be a neutral observer, and not going in one direction, or the other, with, like, any kind of judgment around it. That made me feel very peaceful, you know, that visual, I think of just being a neutral observer in our life, it’s hard. It’s definitely hard when the sensations kick up in the body, right? You know, and in, we don’t like how something feels to put it in a column, right? This is good, or this is bad, or I don’t know, you know –

Candice Wu 46:50

Yeah.

Jill Massura 46:51

Because of our physical sensations that surround it. But to be able to pause, take that pause and find some sort of neutrality before doing anything, or judging anything, or is amazing.

Candice Wu 47:06

Yeah, I mean, will we ever? — I mean, this is just silly question. Anyway, it’s silly and not so silly. But will we ever come to that place of neutrality? Or will we always see things through the lens of good and bad?

Jill Massura 47:18

Yeah, I don’t think we ever can, because –

Candice Wu 47:20

We tried to –

Jill Massura 47:22

Everything is in play all the time. I mean, we’re human beings, having a human experience here and within us are all… is the entire spectrum of experience. So it’s, you know, to find moments of neutrality, I think, is incredible and amazing. And that’s where spirit lives, right? In those, like, in the ether, in the in-between of things. And us, too, is that there are also these other forces that hold everything together, that hold the entire universe together. Or, is also what’s holding us together.

Jill Massura 48:01

So, you know, we vacillate like in a flow of the all.

Candice Wu 48:09

Yeah. I think it’s something I grapple with, you know, there’s the sensations inside that tell you something’s preferable or not, something is right or not for you.

Candice Wu 48:20

But I think when we take things into a broader idea to say things are right for the world, it’s hard for humans, I think, to be neutral about that, because we do have an idea of what’s right and wrong for the world.

Jill Massura 48:34

Definitely.

Candice Wu 48:34

And yet, the universe doesn’t really care about that as much.

Jill Massura 48:38

Definitely.

Candice Wu 48:39

Because all of it exists, as you said, and it’s good. We do affect the world. Yes.

Jill Massura 48:46

Yes.

Candice Wu 48:46

But what we resist also affects the world.

Jill Massura 48:50

Yeah! I love it!

Candice Wu 48:50

We’re just saying, let’s go for the happy good things, which I’m not saying. You’re saying?

Jill Massura 48:55

No, I do not take that personally.

Candice Wu 48:58

Commenting on my own.

Jill Massura 49:00

Yeah. I love this perspective.

Candice Wu 49:02

Then, there’s something that’s getting pushed out into somewhere else in this, —

Jill Massura 49:09

like making something wrong?

Candice Wu 49:12

Yeah. Or rejecting something? Or rejecting so much.

Jill Massura 49:15

Thanks for that.

Candice Wu 49:16

If, as you were saying, like the villain and the hero, –

Jill Massura 49:19

Yes.

Candice Wu 49:20

And then also, when you are saying that being a person in a family that had the symptoms of addiction wasn’t just you.

Jill Massura 49:32

No.

Candice Wu 49:32

You know, that was a whole family experience –

Jill Massura 49:35

Definitely was.

Candice Wu 49:35

That came you know, out, is it?

Jill Massura 49:38

Yes.

Candice Wu 49:39

Yeah. So, where was the resistance somewhere else?

Jill Massura 49:41

Yeah. Mine found its container.

Candice Wu 49:42

Yeah.

Jill Massura 49:47

And, you know, that’s all I’ll speak for.

Candice Wu 49:49

Yeah.

Jill Massura 49:51

But it was definitely part of a much larger dynamics.

Jill Massura 49:55

So, yeah, a lot of — nobody wants to go back through their whole childhood and look at everything, right, you know? Who would do that?

Jill Massura 50:05

If I were going to go and start, like, your first memory? And, you know, years doing this, right?

Candice Wu 50:11

I used to do that for fun. I mean, sometimes I still do.

Jill Massura 50:15

Yeah. I do too.

Candice Wu 50:16

I do it for fun with other people –

Jill Massura 50:19

It’s part of the process, because there’s so much wisdom here, you know, how did I, I didn’t just like wind up, 50 years old sitting here, you know, with my life experiences, they created themselves in the space of me.

Jill Massura 50:36

And so there is information, but I tell all, every client, like, if we’re going back, we’re, you know, in time, it’s to retrieve some sort of wisdom and to heal. So, you know, we’re never just going to go back and look at something and go, “Wow, that really sucked.”

Candice Wu 50:56

Just to say that.

Jill Massura 50:57

Right, you know, let’s go retrieve a pile of garbage. And then just like, not do anything with it, you know, I would never do that. –

Candice Wu 51:07

Let’s go get garbage you threw out three days ago.

Jill Massura 51:10

Yeah.

Jill Massura 51:10

And I’m just going to like, put it on your lap and ask you to like go have a great day. But that is sort of the image that we have.

Jill Massura 51:17

And the resistance that we have to look at painful experiences or unhealed experiences, or things that we live in judgment with ourselves around is that we’re just going to go back and retrieve a bunch of garbage and, then not have anything to, you know, help us get rid of that or help us move forward unencumbered by that.

Candice Wu 51:35

Well, it sounds like you found treasure there.

Jill Massura 51:37

Yeah.

Candice Wu 51:38

And probably garbage too, but —

Jill Massura 51:40

Yes. Right. Turning your garbage into treasure, you know, or what you think is garbage.

Jill Massura 51:46

I really mean it when I say that having alcoholism and struggling with disordered eating was the best thing that ever happened to me because of the gifts that have come forth through my healing around those two things. And other things too, you know?

Jill Massura 52:05

And that’s available to anybody. I’m just a, you know, little speck living in Rochester Hills, Michigan, like doing my life over here.

Jill Massura 52:14

I’m no different than anybody. I’m unique and special. But also, just average and the same, you know, as anybody. And that’s, it really is a process that’s available to anybody who wants to sift and in transition through something that they might not understand in their life.

Candice Wu 52:36

Yeah. If I knew while I was going through all the hard things in my life, that someday that would be the treasure or that would be the wisdom, would have been so much easier. But we don’t know that when we’re in it.

Jill Massura 52:50

Right.

Candice Wu 52:51

But to have that perspective about whatever in our lives has been, a huge struggle that perhaps there’s some gold there —

Jill Massura 53:00

Yeah, don’t you think it helps us like the next time a challenge comes up we go, “Okay, well, I survived that. I found wisdom in it.” I might not love what’s happening to me right now. But I do believe that that same said process will take place and that there’s going to be wisdom that’s coming from this hard time as well.

Candice Wu 53:23

Yeah.

Jill Massura 53:23

I don’t have to, get into a real, fearful place about it or some kind of place of resistance. Or like, “I can’t do it,” you know, like, “Oh, this is so terrible!” Because –

Candice Wu 53:37

Well, sometimes Jill, I’m like, “This is awful!”

Candice Wu 53:39

And inside, I’m laughing at myself and I know it.

Jill Massura 53:42

Yeah.

Candice Wu 53:43

And I just like to be like, “This is awful!”

Jill Massura 53:45

I know, we all do that.

Candice Wu 53:47

“Everything is so bad.” And then I laugh at myself.

Jill Massura 53:50

Love it.

Candice Wu 53:51

Which is for me, like a healthier place –

Jill Massura 53:53

It is. Then, it is.

Candice Wu 53:55

Not doing that. Not exposing that.

Jill Massura 53:57

Completely! Because we’re humans, right? You know, to be able to turn around and just, you know, laugh or go. Yeah, I mean, you’re, you know, I’ll let it go when I damn well feel like letting go. Okay, yeah, I know. I know I’m in resistance.

Candice Wu 54:14

I love it.

Jill Massura 54:15

I’m just not ready. So just leave me alone in my resistance cave over here. You know, right. Like, I love, I mean –

Candice Wu 54:24

Did you give yourself permission for that?

Jill Massura 54:25

I do. It’s permission. That’s really the healing, the work, you know?

Candice Wu 54:31

Yeah.

Jill Massura 54:34

I know. I’m completely like, off-center and acting totally ridiculous right now.

Candice Wu 54:40

Yep. And I’m doing it.

Jill Massura 54:42

And I’m just gonna stay here until I don’t feel like staying here anymore. Right?

Candice Wu 54:47

Yeah, I think it’s the freedom that, yeah, it is the freedom and the permission is that is the empowerment it, you know, we hear the words like being in our power, the power is the freedom –

Jill Massura 55:02

Yeah.

Candice Wu 55:02

of whatever place you want to be in.

Jill Massura 55:04

That’s right.

Candice Wu 55:05

It’s not being in your strongest, no tears, you know, fiercely going forward place, it’s going backward if you want to. It’s crying in the corner. If you want to.

Jill Massura 55:16

Yes!

Candice Wu 55:17

It’s hiding yourself in the closet for three days. I don’t know. –

Jill Massura 55:20

Right.

Candice Wu 55:21

And accepting all of it.

Jill Massura 55:22

It is. Do it. Don’t do it. Whatever you choose, just, you know, try to stay out of judgment or with yourself around it.

Candice Wu 55:30

Yeah.

Jill Massura 55:31

You know, this is what I’m choosing right now. I get it. And it doesn’t have to make sense to you. That’s the freedom, it really doesn’t have to make sense to other people. It just needs to be something that I’m aware of it and I’ll move through it on my own time.

Candice Wu 55:48

Yeah.

Jill Massura 55:49

A lot of freedom in that.

Candice Wu 55:50

And when you are in the judgment, when I’m in the judgment, just completely notice it. Like, –

Jill Massura 55:56

I think that in itself is a lot. That’s a lot. You know, if you can just get to that place. You’re like, “Oh, no, I’m aware. I’m aware of it.”

Candice Wu 56:08

Yeah.

Jill Massura 56:09

Being aware of it doesn’t mean and I change it the second I become, you know, aware like that. That’s for it, you know, can feel forced, but just to say, “Yeah, I’m aware of it.” So, like, and, you know, “da, da, da” –

Candice Wu 56:22

Yeah, the what, famous “da, da, da”

Jill Massura 56:24

I love my three periods in a row! Don’t I?

Candice Wu 56:24

Yeah. You do.

Jill Massura 56:24

Screw the comma! Punctuation discrimination wants you to pause.

Candice Wu 56:29

Jill, it’s fabulous to have you on the show.

Jill Massura 56:48

It’s a pleasure. Always.

Jill Massura 56:49

Thank you.

Candice Wu 56:49

I just love you. And you just bring so much fun to the work and honesty and vulnerability. I appreciate all of what you bring.

Candice Wu 56:51

Thank you so much.

Jill Massura 57:02

Always a pleasure to be with you.

Candice Wu 57:05

Okay. Tell us Jill about your upcoming workshop.

Jill Massura 57:07

Oh yeah, my workshop. I’m so excited about this one. It’s called the Passion Project. And my colleague, friend, sister, soul sister, Holly Mihelic and I are doing this workshop together. Holly is another coach who is also another teacher in my life and also a really dear friend, and brings her own body of wisdom and life experience to this workshop in a different and similar way than I do.

Jill Massura 57:42

So, we’re chosen to collaborate on the Passion Project. It’s a weekend workshop for women. That’s coming up in November, the 17th and 18th did I say that already?

Candice Wu 57:54

No.

Jill Massura 57:55

November 17 and 18th. It’s taking place in Auburn Hills at the Spring Hill Suites in Auburn Hills, Michigan. So there’s an opportunity to stay overnight, grab a friend, grab a sister, or just come by yourself and spend a weekend getting to know yourself, exploring and discovering your passion and your purpose.

Jill Massura 58:18

So it’s a 2-day workshop that’s going to involve discovering what gifts and talents and experiences you’ve had, that are burning to come to life, in your life. And then spending the next day declaring that and working through maybe some limiting beliefs and fears that we have around just fully being in ourselves, you know, and our passion.

Jill Massura 58:43

So, I see a need for that in all of the clients that I work with. And it’s sort of like this disconnect goes on. And I think we’ve touched on it here in this conversation, that this disconnect is a natural part of being human, that we get into other people’s stories. And we take on other people’s beliefs. And all of a sudden, one day we turn around and our life doesn’t really feel like as connected as we want. Or we’re not really using our gifts and talents in the way that we had hoped to.

Jill Massura 58:45

And so this workshop is just an awesome opportunity to come and explore what it is that you really want for yourself and how to get there.

Candice Wu 59:24

That sounds beautiful.

Jill Massura 59:25

Yeah.

Candice Wu 59:26

I also –

Jill Massura 59:27

I’m so excited about it.

Candice Wu 59:28

Oh, my gosh, yeah. Anyone going to this, feels called to this, I think is just going to get so much out of it.

Candice Wu 59:35

Holly was on the podcast also.

Jill Massura 59:37

Oh, she was?

Candice Wu 59:37

Yeah. So if you’re listening into this and you want to get in touch, connected with Holly and her voice, you can go to CandiceWu.com/holly and there’s her podcast.

Candice Wu 59:49

But, yeah, I think anyone who feels called to it is going to get so much out of it. The order of things that you created together, I love how there’s this declaration on Day 2, is that right?

Jill Massura 1:00:01

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:00:02

And then working through the fears and the resistance that comes up because that’s the way it is, right? When we say this is what we want or what we are about, then the flood comes in.

Jill Massura 1:00:14

Right?

Candice Wu 1:00:14

Yup.

Jill Massura 1:00:16

We all love to stand on the mountaintop and declare and then the work comes in.

Candice Wu 1:00:20

Yeah, then it starts pouring… here on the mountain and it’s raining.

Jill Massura 1:00:26

Yeah.

Candice Wu 1:00:28

But yeah, to look at those, it’s so valuable because that process is what happens for me where the fears come after I feel into what I want, and it’s just my soul wanting to cleanse out the stuff that doesn’t fit in anymore. Because I decided something new.

Jill Massura 1:00:48

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:00:49

So how powerful —

Jill Massura 1:00:51

Perfect.

Candice Wu 1:00:51

And I invite everyone who’s listening, who’s a woman, because –

Jill Massura 1:00:56

A woman’s workshop —

Candice Wu 1:00:57

to check that out.

Jill Massura 1:00:58

Awesome. I don’t think I said the website?

Candice Wu 1:01:01

Yeah.

Jill Massura 1:01:02

PassionProject.life

Candice Wu 1:01:04

PassionProject.life. And that’ll be linked in the show notes too.

Jill Massura 1:01:07

And you can go there and look at the specifics of the weekend. And there’s all the registration and hotel information, and all of that great stuff is all there on the website. So –

Candice Wu 1:01:12

Awesome! Check that out. And where can people find you, Jill?

Jill Massura 1:01:27

And they can find me on JillMassura.com.

Candice Wu 1:01:31

Excellent. And if you stay tuned this week, Jill is offering an experience of EFT Tapping. Do you want to say something about that before we close?

Jill Massura 1:01:42

For sure. Yeah, so EFT tapping was a tool. You know, we talked about tools, right? Healthy tools of coping, EFT was a tool that I found that really moved my life and transformed my life in a way that made sense and made me feel better in my body and in my thoughts and actually gave me a coping tool to help me move forward through fear and stress.

Jill Massura 1:02:07

And so it’s something that I use in my life every day. And it’s something that I use with my clients each and every one. So I am going to be offering a general experience of tapping around purpose.

Candice Wu 1:02:21

Oh!

Jill Massura 1:02:22

Yes.

Candice Wu 1:02:23

I can’t wait.

Jill Massura 1:02:24

That’ll be available for everybody. Link to the show. Right?

Candice Wu 1:02:27

Yeah. It’ll air just a couple of days after this podcast, but it will still be linked to your link on CandiceWu.com/jill

Jill Massura 1:02:38

Perfect!

Candice Wu 1:02:41

Thank you so much.

Jill Massura 1:02:43

Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:02:44

This was really, such an honor and really fun to delve into things and banter a little bit and hear your story. Thank you.

Jill Massura 1:02:55

Thank you.

Candice Wu 1:02:56

Until next time, Jill.

Candice Wu 1:02:59

Thank you so much for all of you out there listening to our conversation. If you have questions for either of us, feel free to reach out to us.

Candice Wu 1:03:07

The information for Jill is in the show notes below. But you can find her at Jillmassura.com and check out her Passion Project that’s coming up in November.

Candice Wu 1:03:17

I felt really invigorated by our conversation and just don’t know what’s going to show up each time. And as we concluded this conversation, we began talking about how to know when to let go or to keep pushing forward or when to hop off the train. And so I’ve been left with those thoughts. And this is the end of the podcast. So we will just hop off this train now. So I hope you enjoyed this and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00

Hello, and welcome back to the Embody Podcast. Today, you’re listening to a very special episode from Jill Massura on EFT tapping. She’s offering an experience so that you can let go and let in, and be fully in your purpose. So, sit back and enjoy.

Jill Massura 0:20

Hi, this is Jill Massura. Welcome to the tapping meditation, letting go and letting in. If you’re unfamiliar with the EFT tapping points, a download of the tapping points can be found in the show notes. So, go ahead and get that if you need to. If you’re already familiar and using tapping in your life, awesome. Let’s get started.

I’m going to prompt you to move through the points by calling out each point as we move through this tapping sequence. I’m also going to say a few words or a phrase at each point in at which time when I finished talking, you’re going to repeat out loud. For example, I may say eyebrow, and say something, like: I’ve been holding myself back. You will start tapping on the eyebrow point and repeat: I’ve been holding myself back, okay? So, let’s begin.

Starting with the karate chop point on the side of the hand, using the four fingers of your opposite hand. Just start tapping on the karate chop point.

Even though I’ve been holding myself back, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’ve done allowing my past to hold me back, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’ve had some confusion around finding my purpose, I deeply and completely accept myself. Eyebrow: I’ve been holding myself back.

Side eye: I’ve been holding myself back. Under the eye: I’ve been holding myself back from everything. Under the nose: holding myself back from what I really want. Chin: holding myself back from what I really need.

Collarbone: holding myself back from what I really deserve in life. Under the arm: I’ve been holding myself back. Top of the head: I’ve been holding myself back. Eyebrow: these events from my past.Side eye: these things that happened to me. Under the eye: I took them in as truth. Under the nose: I believe these things that happened to me. Chin: I believed they were true. Collarbone: I believe they were true about me. Under the arm: I believed they were true, and I made stories about my life to support them. Top of the head: stories about what I am capable of achieving.

Eyebrow: I want to know myself better. Side eye: I want to trust myself again. Under the eye: but I have all these stories. Under the nose: and all these things that have happened to me. Chin: that are holding me back. Collarbone: I’ve used them as proof. Under the arm: that I don’t deserve to be happy. Top of the head: that has made me very confused. Eyebrow: I believe these events from my past. Side eye: I turned them into stories. Under the eye: I made them true in my life. Under the nose: I’ve used them as excuses. Chin: about why I can’t succeed.

Collarbone: I’m tired of ignoring my past. Underneath the arm: I’m tired of running from it, too. Top of the head: maybe it’s not even true, these stories that I’ve made up. Eyebrow: maybe it’s time to let these stories go. Side eye: maybe it’s time to let these memories go. Under the eye: maybe I’m more than these events. Under the nose: maybe I can let it all go. Chin: maybe it’s time to take back my power. Collarbone: and listen to my own voice. Under the arm: I want to listen to my own voice. Top of the head: and trust myself again.

Eyebrow: I want to move forward. Side eye: I want to choose happiness. Under the eye: I want to succeed. Under the nose: I want to know that I’m good enough. Chin: I want to feel that I’m good enough. Collarbone: I want to let go of the past. Under the arm: it’s time to let go of the past. Top of the head: I choose to release these patterns to move forward. Eyebrow: I’m taking back my power. Side eye: I’m taking back my thoughts. Under the eye: the past doesn’t control me anymore. Under the nose: I am in charge of me and my life. Chin: I am in charge of what I think. Collarbone: I am in charge of what I believe. Under the arm: I am in charge of what I do. Top of the head: I choose to release the past and move forward.

Last round. Eyebrow: I deserve happiness. Side eye, say it loud: I deserve to live a life that I love. Under the eye: I deserve to live a life that inspires me. Under the nose: I trust that I am capable of having everything I want. Chin: I trust that I am worthy of having everything I need. Collarbone I trust the timing of my life. Under the arm: I trust that I can be happy and purposeful. Top of the head: and I deeply and completely love, and accept who I am and where I am headed. Take a nice deep breath in through your nose and let it out.

I hope you enjoyed that tapping meditation, and that it is bringing some peace and calm, and serenity to you today. I recommend that you listen to this at least two more times right now if you have the time or daily if you’re looking to let go of the past and let in purpose in your future. I believe in you a hundred percent. Happy tapping.