Parts Work: Embrace the Many Parts of You — EP52

Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is about how to sort out your inner dialogue and explore the many parts of yourself so you can feel clarity, heal the wounded parts of you, know what part of yourself is talking or engaged in various moments, lead yourself with intention, and love and embrace all of yourself.

Candice Wu 0:21
Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:35
My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations, and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:57
There is no sponsorship message today. But I do want to share a new dream class that I created which is on Skillshare. This is one of my passions is to explore dreams I love, love dream work. And speaking about parts work today is actually really connected with dream work because, in a dream, it's as if every part of the dream is you. And we can see the different parts of the dream as parts of yourself revealing to you, the parts of yourself.

Candice Wu 1:30
And so I created a dream class on how to remember your dreams, the basics about how to prepare yourself, create intentions around it and the tools you'll need, as well as the key factor to remember your dream when you wake up.

Candice Wu 1:47
This is the first class in a series of many that will dive into the juicy parts of dream work which is embodying the energy and the gifts and wisdom that a dream brings you so that you can bring that into your life and feel even more whole. You can find this first class that's about 35 minutes long on Skillshare at Kennedy School.com/dreamclass1, the number one, right now this classes offered for free, I'd love for you to just get a taste of it. And please leave me a review and share your feedback about what you thought about the class and that helps to also share that work with other people who are looking for a class about remembering their dreams.

Candice Wu 2:32
If you sign up through the link that I'm sharing with you today, CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1, you can also get two months free of the premium subscription. I think that after two months, it's about $10 to access a wide variety of classes and offerings that are on Skillshare.

Candice Wu 2:53
So hello everyone, welcome back. It's great to have you here today. It is December 24th for many of you. It's a holiday and perhaps you're with family or friends, perhaps you're off on your own. Whatever is happening with you, I know that holidays can bring up a lot inside. Right now I'm in Germany, spending some time with my partner's family and him. And it is interesting, I haven't been home to Michigan with my family for the holiday time in maybe three or four years, it's been some time. I've spent a lot of my Christmas times with my family in Hong Kong, especially since my grandma was near the end of her life. And last year she passed away. So it's a bit of a shift for me here to be in Germany.

Candice Wu 3:42
How have you all been feeling as the holidays are here as the new year starts to come around the corner? For me, I've been having some interesting experiences on the surface emotionally. I'm just very grounded and calm, almost blank, almost boring. And then I'll go to sleep and have these marvelous dreams.

Candice Wu 4:09
And just my dream life is like wild. And it feels like a lot of the inner stuff that I've been working on for the last 12 years, maybe 10 years at least is just clearing out and making its way through and my waking life is just like calm as can be. However, having said that, this morning I did wake up with a bit of an experience, which is not uncommon in the last couple of weeks, where I'll just wake up with this vague feeling of fear.

Candice Wu 4:43
And if I take myself a little bit seriously, which what I mean is just to slow down with myself and notice what that is, and not just dismiss it not just pretend it's not happening. Well, if I do, and sometimes I do, it just continuous much longer. But if I slow down with it, then I can find out a lot more about myself and heal something that's trying to make its way to the surface.

Candice Wu 5:12
And that's really what I experienced often when we are having emotions that are coming up that don't seem to totally feel in proportion to what's going on in our current life, or what's happening as we know it consciously. It seems that something in us is making its way to the top so we can heal and release it. It is if we have even more capacity in ourselves to look at something that wants to heal, something that wants to show us another piece of ourselves.

Candice Wu 5:48
So moving right into the parts work and dialoguing with the many parts of ourselves, I want to share with you what I experienced this morning. This is like fresh off the press. Not that my life is like broadcast-worthy. But apparently, it is now on this show. But I wanted to share this as an example of how you might use parts of work if you're not already, or to just give you some more to boost what you're already doing.

Candice Wu 6:38
When I woke up this morning, I felt this feeling of a little bit of dread, a bit of fear. And I thought okay, well I can easily dismiss this. But let me just feel into it. So as I felt into it and felt the emotion of it, felt into the sensation in my body and just asked out loud, who's talking? Who is feeling this fear in me? And what I did, I just let my imagination open up, let my awareness open, my heart open. And what showed up was a teenage part of me, was the between the ages of 14 and actually 21. So a little bit older than teenage as well.

Candice Wu 7:07
And I just sat with this part of me and wondered what is scary, and it just immediately clicked and I think the many years of me doing work with parts of myself and younger parts, the inner child, all of that really helped me to be able to just feel into what's going on pretty quickly. So if you're not there don't feel bad, it just takes some time. This all didn't really quite make sense for me for many years. I think, in the beginning when I was working with an EMDR therapist, and doing parts work for a couple of years, it still felt hard to navigate. I didn't really know what I was doing or where to go next. But now it feels like second nature. It's how I take care of myself. That's how I love myself and relate to these many different parts of me, past, present, and future.

Candice Wu 8:04
So I'm talking to my teenage self and witnessing how she did life so alone, in a lot of ways. I had many friends growing up. I had good friends in high school and college. But as for the big decisions in life, I felt like I was doing it all by myself.

Candice Wu 8:23
My parents are immigrants. And so they didn't really have that much knowledge to navigate the American worlds of universities and career choices. My dad was an engineer, and he had gone to U of M, University of Michigan. He was very busy at his work and he just didn't really know how to mentor me in these spaces.

Candice Wu 8:48
So I made a lot of career and life choices on my own. And, well, looking back, there were a few mentors here and there. But I really needed someone close to me. So the feeling was that it was quite scary to do this all by myself. And as I looked at all the decisions I made, I felt quite proud of myself, I felt like I made those decisions and I did Okay. So that was very healing, feeling into that side of things, what I had done right, and what I've stepped into. Even though I didn't have what I needed. And looking back, I remember not feeling fear at all. I just did it. I just plowed through. And that's the kind of plowing through overriding, moving forward, that is part of my survival mode, where I just keep going and I don't feel the fear because it's actually not safe to feel the fear.

Candice Wu 9:51
So it makes a lot of sense to me that I'm feeling that fear right now. Because in the past, I couldn't feel it. And where in other situations prior to having done so much healing work, I might have identified with that fear and just applied it to my now situation and kind of gotten in a slump of depression, which is very reminiscent of the past.

Candice Wu 10:17
This experience of just pinpointing who's talking, and giving that part of myself what it needs. This part of me needed to feel like she wasn't alone anymore. So I let her know that I was always going to be there for her, and that she's no longer alone. And I, being an older, wiser, more resourced part of myself, the future self, the future, Candice. And that felt quite comforting to this part of me as I imagined and connected with my inner teenager. And she just needed to have that update and to be reminded of all the way that she did it right. And to feel through the fear and the aloneness. And to be reminded that that's not exactly the way it is now.

Candice Wu 11:14
So the fear passed and a lot of grief move through, it's almost all the way through. But at this point, it doesn't require much tending to, it's just making its way through my body. And it can feel things in my body kind of recalibrating. There was a big shift of sensation in my body, heat, warmth. And now there's just a more open space, I feel clearer. I feel like my breath is deeper again. And there are just some different movements happening inside, energetically.

Candice Wu 12:01
So what I'm describing to you is the process of connecting with some vague fear I had asking myself who is this tuning into the part of me that needs something. Giving myself what this part needs and building that relationship even further with my younger self. And then the physical and energetic emotional changes that happen as a part of the healing process. And coming out on that other side feeling even more grounded in myself. And knowing myself even more. It's quite a gift to be able to honor a younger part of myself, that didn't get what she needed. And to know that pain that I experienced, in a fuller and deeper way, just gives me so much more depth to myself now.

Candice Wu 12:50
So let's dive into parts work and explore this together.

Candice Wu 12:54
Parts work comes from and connects with as well as overlaps with many different traditions. It can be used in so many different ways. There's IFS which is internal family systems, which is looking at who is this internal inner family that is engaging with one another? What are the many different parts of me that create this inside family? That is my psyche.

Candice Wu 13:24
There's also voice dialogue which has resonated with me very much and it's similar to IFS, where we're looking at what are the parts of me? Which part of me is speaking or leading the way? And, how do I become aware of these parts and their dynamics so that I'm so aware that I can choose and be intentional about which part of me is leading?

Candice Wu 13:51
Other people call it parts work very basically, or soul-work and working with pieces of the soul. Shamanism works with that in particular. And whatever it is called, the method of working with it might be a little bit different, or the different clinician or healer working with it has a different spin on it. And the way that I like to work with it is to bring in the body, of course, the embodiment piece of how is it to experience this part of yourself? Whether you're stepping into that one part, or you're communicating with that one part? What's the felt sense? How are the emotions? What's happening, what wants to happen in the body? How is the body holding this experience? And how can we bring healing, what's needed? So it's really about opening the heart and the body, and allowing the healing to come from a heart space, from a place of love and basic emotional needs, which is what I find a lot of our inner wounds need.

Candice Wu 14:57
We have many different parts of ourselves that are talking and coming into play at different times. These are subpersonalities, part of our subconscious, some are more in our awareness, and other parts. And it's not that we have dissociative identity disorder, or some people in the past might have called it multiple personality. It doesn't signify that you have a disorder or a pathology, if you are noticing the many parts of you. It's actually an incredible thing that can help you find clarity about yourself, and also bring healing to the parts of you that may have gotten stuck in time, or stuck in a certain place of development, or soul parts that have gotten stuck in different lives.

Candice Wu 15:44
It's quite a resource to notice that my inner critic is really strong. And it just comes online when whenever I'm approaching a new situation. Or if I'm going to have a fun experience, my inner critic tells me that I shouldn't, and how I'm such a bad person for even wanting that. So it's helpful for us to notice what ways we're talking to ourselves. And very specifically, what part of ourselves is doing that talking. Because then, as we get to know that one part of us, that voice that comes in every time this or that happens, then we can bring some healing to that one part. Because it's certainly not all of you to be able to notice the complexities of who we are, the parts of ourselves that are coming in, the parts of ourselves that get hidden or don't get a chance to voice or speak up or stand up.

Candice Wu 16:44
The many different emotions that we may have at one time. All of that shows the complexity and the beauty of us as human and also is incredibly empowering. Because you're not just one thing at one time, you're many things. And it gives that awareness so that you can choose who you want to be, and heal the parts of you and embrace more of yourself, you can understand that your inner critic was some part of you that had to learn how to be really harsh, because someone else on the outside was harsh, or it was protecting you in a certain way. And so instead of just trying to kill that voice inside, trying to change the words that you say to yourself, which is sometimes helpful. If it's not, what do you do, and this is one solution. If it's not helpful to just change the words, then let's look at why those words are so strongly there.

Candice Wu 17:43
So when we have parts of ourselves that are extremely rigid or strongly there, and very, I don't know, perhaps causing sabotage or pain inside, tension, then that might be a clue to us that there's been some wounding that this part of us, that who we are inside wants us to look at so we can heal.

Candice Wu 18:11
So if you've seen the movie Inside Out, that's sort of a primer to the inner world. I feel that our inner world is much more complex than just defining it by different emotions. In Inside Out, there was a girl and you could see her inner parts working. And those inner parts included sadness, joy, anger, etc. And what I find is more of that these different parts of ourselves, all have a variety of emotions, some may feel more anxious than others, or we may track down and get to know a certain part of ourselves by the fact that the fear comes up.

Candice Wu 18:56
And so what is a part of us that has that fear. So it's not just defined by emotions to delineate our inner parts. The personality of each of our parts can elicit a variety of emotions. So think about a situation where you seem to get triggered in the same way or the same thing repeats itself and you get reactive, and somehow, you deal with it the same way or you reacted the same way. That part of you may be a certain aspect of your inner self. And if we explore what that part of you desires, what the agenda of this part of you is, what the wounds are, how they're feeling right now, what they need, we can really open up a whole world of a part of you, that can be reclaimed, and embraced and healed.

Candice Wu 19:57
If it's needing healing or incorporated into your daily life, if that's empowering, or maybe another part of you can support this part of you that's hurting.

Candice Wu 20:10
So for me, one of the easiest ways to work with my inner parts is to see what age this part of me is. And first of all, is it me? Or is it someone else and energy of someone else, or the voice of someone else?

Candice Wu 20:27
If it is me, and it has a distinct age or a sense of an age, just checking to see if there's some impression of how old or young this part is, can really give a lot of information.

Candice Wu 20:39
As I was talking about my teenage self, that teenage self is extremely different from my two-year-old self, who needs a lot more regulation, support, love. And a two-year-old self developmentally is going through a completely different experience. Well, I guess that's arguable, than a teenager. But if you know anything about developmental psychology or child development, we know that two-year-olds want to assert themselves in a very strong way. They want to know Yes and No, they want to be able to speak, and move, and feel free. But also they want what they want when they want it and can feel very upset if they're not getting what they want and what they need.

Candice Wu 21:28
And so I guess that isn't very different from teenagers but it comes with a different flavor. And it comes from a different developmental place because if that two-year-old gets supported in a way that's empathetic, attuned, loving, yet clear in terms of boundaries, then my teenage self might have been way better off.

Candice Wu 21:51
So all this to say that the different inner child parts of us might have a different set of experiences, given what age we are, and what happened around that age, what life was like at that time, and what we needed and didn't get or what we experienced. And not just the challenging things, but the joyful things, what was it good things in life at each time period. Other inner parts might be past life parts, our inner critic, the part of us that just gets so mean to ourselves, as I mentioned earlier, the protector, the part of us that wants to protect us from any harm, whether that's emotional, spiritual, or physical, or dominant, or submissive parts, the wise parts of us, the inner divine or inner sage, higher self.

Candice Wu 22:45
The parts of us that are like a teacher or coach, if that's a part of you that shows up in your life. If you have a career and you have different skills that you're using that career, perhaps that's a part of yourself that comes through the leader in you. Also, there's a part of us that is our mother, or is our father or some other ancestor or friend, that we experience the energy of this person through us. And we have an aspect of ourselves that is like that person or can tune into the energy of that person, yet that aspect is part of us as well.

Candice Wu 23:26
So when we say that everyone is a mirror of ourselves, this really sheds light on how that is exactly. So if we're talking to the mother in you, specifically, or your own mother, if you close your eyes and picture your mother and talk to her, there may be an experience of how she might respond to you, talk to you, feel towards you, and how you might feel towards her. And in a lot of ways we work with family constellations in that way by visualizing. But we can also tune into our ideal parents, our ideal father, our ideal ancestry in terms of the soul of them, the love in them, or some part of a person that you'd really like to experience to support you.

Candice Wu 24:21
Sometimes when I work with a part of me, it turns out to be that it feels like it's a blob of energy, or it's some creature of some sort or an animal. So it's helpful to be completely curious and open about what a certain part of you may look like, or be like, so that you can learn more about it and see how to interact with it, how it can be best incorporated and integrated into your psyche.

Candice Wu 24:54
We can't exactly get rid of parts of us. Sometimes parts are ready to leave or release and that usually is best done without force or resistance, but in really, truly seeing what that part needs to be released. Or if it's ready to go, if there's anything it needs before it goes. So that it's a true release, and not just a pushing away of an aspect of yourself. And what I find is that when we push a part of ourselves down or away, that part can feel abandoned. And if you've ever felt abandoned in your life, it could be a repeat, instead of you experiencing the abandonment from outside, it then becomes an inner abandonment of an aspect of yourself that really wants to be seen, honored, and appreciated.

Candice Wu 25:51
And a lot of times we do abandon younger parts of ourselves that we had to put aside in order to survive, where we weren't able to feel through a certain pain or fear, or something that happened in the past, and push that part down or pushed that energy down maybe. And we're used to that. So we can still leave some of our inner parts abandoned or dismissed, were be reading them or for the plethora of ways that we were treated when we were younger. So you can see how the outer world and the inner world all of that is an iteration or repetition or fractal of the same way of being that can repeat in your life. All of it stemming to a belief set that you might have, that perhaps you came in with or picked up along the way. And these parts of ourselves usually want the best for us, when we ask them. What they desire for us, it's usually in some way for us to succeed, to be protected, to be okay, to be safe. We get down to and distill to the very basic of what the purpose of how they're behaving us.

Candice Wu 27:15
So as I said, each part of ourselves has an agenda. It has perhaps a sense of age or timeliness. It has a whole set of knowledge, perhaps even a physiology. So if we tuned into your inner critic, maybe that part is very tense.

Candice Wu 27:37
If we tune into your five-year-old self, maybe that part is very free and joyful, or perhaps it's curled up in a ball and needing a lot of attention.

Candice Wu 27:48
So the body can carry the shape of that energy if we tuned specifically to one part. So what's just so fun to do is explore the inner workings of how all of these different parts of you engage, how do they talk to one another? Different parts might communicate differently with other parts, and differently with other parts. Do some parts push another part down? Or are some parts think like teammates and work together, their partners in crime, or they really work together while they push out another part of you?

Candice Wu 28:29
Is there a part of you that protects your younger self or a part of you that chimes in when your inner critic chimes in. So a lot of times our inner critic can connect up with our achiever, the part of us that really wants to achieve a lot and do well and perhaps is driven by feeling not enough. And when that part comes online, maybe the inner critic gets a little mean about things, when things are not going right or what you're trying something for the first time or performing something, etc.

Candice Wu 29:06
Maybe the achiever also connects up with the part of you that pushes and drives you forward and does it like white knuckling it. And so perhaps those three inner critics, achiever, and pusher really become this challenging force inside and all the while the other parts of you are feeling berated and hurt and plowed over.

Candice Wu 29:33
So how is everyone inside? How is the whole team doing and who's included and who's not. And when I've experienced in myself or with my clients that every part of the system is acknowledged in some way or has its place just like in family constellations, there's a sense of peace.

Candice Wu 30:00
Everyone can be supported and utilized in a way that is helpful to the whole being. And that's similar in any team. If you think about a work team, we want everyone to feel that they're valued, supported, included, and an important part of things, no matter what their role is, whether that's down to the person cleaning the bathrooms to the head person that is the leader of the team.

Candice Wu 30:31
So our inner world is similar, we want every part of us to feel engaged in the right ways, and in the right times, and loved, and having their place.

Candice Wu 30:45
So a couple of weeks ago, I had the feeling life is so hard, like, I just woke up in the morning feeling like, I just can't do life, I just don't know. And this is not an unfamiliar feeling to me. I've worked with this feeling a lot and it's connected up with many of my younger parts. The parts of me that did have a really hard time in younger life where I had to experience a lot of things that were uncomfortable, traumatic, as well as deal with all the emotions by myself. And my main way to deal with it was to numb it out because it was way too overwhelming.

Candice Wu 31:26
But I hadn't had this feeling in a while that life is so hard. And at different times, if I'm nervous about something, it can trigger that feeling that life is so hard, but it really is just a bit of nerves around something that I'm experiencing or approaching. But, with this particular feeling, again, I felt like okay, let's just look at what is this. And as I did, it connected up with not just my younger self, but also a younger part of my grandpa.

Candice Wu 32:03
My paternal grandpa was adopted when he was around five years old. And this story that as I've heard it from one person in my family was that he was given away for money. And this is of course not talked about in my family. And so because it was probably such a painful and maybe shameful experience. Well later, I found out that my great grandmother had passed away, his mother. And that my great grandfather had probably been overwhelmed. It didn't know what to do. And perhaps didn't have enough money. I don't know what happened to my grandpa's siblings, but my grandpa was given to someone else, in exchange for money. And then eventually my great grandmother that I knew in my life, that was the adopted Great Grandma was the one that took him in.

Candice Wu 32:54
So as I opened up, the feeling of life is so hard and felt into it. I also asked myself, what's the context for this? Is this me? Is this my younger self? And partially felt like yes, and partially felt like, it's not all mine. And that's exactly right, because what came up was the energy of my grandpa, the feelings that he couldn't hold, that life is so hard, terrifying, dreadful perhaps, scary and upsetting.

Candice Wu 33:27
All of those feelings, as well as of grief and loss and pain. I don't think he could very much hold for himself, given all that happened, and how I'm holding it now. And as I imagined my grandpa, in that experience, and just felt into some compassion for what he may have experienced, it was releasing in me. And not only that my younger self didn't have to hold the pain of my grandpa, and my great grandparents, but also the repeated feelings in me that life is so hard, the same feelings that I went through when I was younger.

Candice Wu 34:09
So I want to talk briefly about how we can use parts work in relationships. It's extremely helpful, when you're triggered in an intimate relationship or a family relationship, when there's an upset between you or a conflict, it's really helpful for me, at least to be able to notice what part of me got triggered, and perhaps, open up what part of the other person got triggered. And if they can speak the same language, then even better, because it's like, oh, yeah, my six-year-old self is talking to your 15-year-old self. Hmm, don't think we're going to solve any problems here this way and no wonder we're both reactive in our specific ways. Or maybe someone's younger self, child self is talking to my child self, who turned into a parent early on, and knows how to be a mother, which is an interesting paradox being both child and mother.

Candice Wu 35:10
But that's the part that gets activated in me sometimes when I'm in relationship. If someone else is really needing someone and wanting someone to guide their way. Sometimes that part of me the younger part that wants to please them so that I can get love turns into a motherly figure, to take care of the other person, so that I can get what I need, and the other person get what they need.

Candice Wu 35:38
And so I don't really like to lead from these parts. I don't really like to be in an intimate relationship with those parts of guiding the way and interacting the most. It's not really fun to be someone's mother, when you're not. So you might take a little look at your own relationships, and where there's some conflict or where there's any place where you get activated or upset or anxious.

Candice Wu 36:09
And check out what part of you is having that response. And then, if you slow it down, even more, what part of you, or what parts of you come online afterward, lot of times a younger part of us gets activated, especially in relationship, or especially in experiences where there's authority in relationship, like a boss or supervisor. Or when we're in groups. And if our child part gets activated, then perhaps another part of us comes online to protect that part from having to be felt. So if the child part gets activated with some hurt, maybe it happens so quickly that the critic in us comes and says, nope, you can't feel that. We don't have feelings like that. You're not allowed to feel that. And maybe not quite so literally, but swoops in and does something to distract or is mean to you so that you can move forward or beats you up a little and says, you just have to plow through or whatever it is. And then maybe another part says, oh, well, maybe we don't have to be so hard on ourselves. And all these different voices start to tangle up.

Candice Wu 37:32
One easy way to spot different parts of you getting conflicted or having a conversation, is when you are making a decision that you're not so sure about, that you have some ambivalence about. And there are two sides to the story or many things to consider. And yet, one part of you really wants this and another part of you says no, I don't think so because of X, Y, and Z. And then you kind of just go back and forth in your head and it all gets mixed up and you can't really make a decision because both the pros and the cons and the pros from either side of the story seem worthy. And where do you go from here?

Candice Wu 38:16
And sometimes it's just so overwhelming that perhaps our nervous system just shuts down a bit and we get paralyzed. We don't know how to make that choice. And so maybe we don't make a choice. Or we just get stuck in that internal chatter and argument back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth. Considering what we should do. Should we do this? Should we not? We shouldn't? Yes, we should. Yes, we should know. And it just goes back and forth.

Candice Wu 38:44
We found that if you sort out those voices, well, who's the one saying that it's a good idea. And why? And we interview them a bit, get to know their full story, what that parts thoughts are, and all the reasons why they think it's a good or bad idea and hear this side out. In fact, you can even sit in two chairs or three chairs, however many parts you're sensing, and sit in one chair and talk from that part, then move to another and have a rebuttal, etc, and just duke it out. But here each part out.

Candice Wu 39:24
That's called the empty chair technique actually. And that's something that's often done in Gestalt therapy, or other psychodynamic therapies even. And, that's where parts work overlaps, we can see that many traditions are using this and a lot of different ways.

Candice Wu 39:42
Really fun thing to do if you do, set out two chairs for two different parts of you that are arguing back and forth, is that when you sit in one side, and let that side habit say, don't just talk, but allow it to come from within, allow it to come from the feeling of it, and feel the depth of what's going on in your body. Notice how the body is held. Notice if there's an emotion, or a way the body feels, or has sensation in some place. Or maybe there's tension in one area or a couple, just see what it is to be like in the body from this one part, which is how I'd like to use voice dialogue or dialoguing with a part.

Candice Wu 40:29
I often talk to that part of my clients. So I asked, can I speak to the inner protector in you? And I asked them to move to a different place in the room and however that part wants to show up, is quite interesting. Maybe they're on the ground lying down and eyes closed, which for a protector that can be a challenging way to protect someone. And maybe that person feels very vulnerable and unprotected in themselves, unsafe.

Candice Wu 41:02
I've seen a protector show up standing and hovering over another part with fists at their hips and elbows sticking out like with a strong pose. And looking down on the other part with some disgust or disdain.

Candice Wu 41:23
So we can see from our physiology, when a part shows up or when we step into a part, what the dynamic is going on inside. And it really illuminates this inner dynamic, so that you can have more awareness. And what I find is, the more awareness we have about the different parts of us and how they're interacting, the more we just acknowledge it, see it, feel it, honor it, honor where it came from, or how this pattern started and be gentle with it.

Candice Wu 42:03
The more that we have distance from it, we're able to have flexibility then because we see more. And we're not so limited by that part because we have more awareness, it's released some of its hold, its power, and grip on us. And we have new flexibility to shift into a different part of us because we see more, we see how we've been. And when that happens when that awareness happens, it just gradually loses its rigidity. And we de-identify even more or some healing happens.

Candice Wu 42:45
So the most powerful thing that's happened with some of this work is that people feel wow, I understand myself. And now I can choose with more intention, what part of myself I want to be. And I know how to take care of these other parts of me. And I don't have to depend on my parents the way I used to, I can give love to my inner child or I can heal the parts of me that have been wounded from a past relationship, even though that relationship is long and dead.

Candice Wu 43:23
So it's a beautiful thing. I love it, it's so much fun, and for especially people who want to analyze everything and want to talk everything through, this moving into a different place and speaking from that voice, or sitting and picturing and visualizing, what part is talking and connecting with that part as if it's a separate part. That has been incredibly helpful to build not only awareness, but also to help shift and heal the nervous system so that there's a new baseline of relaxation and safety inside.

Candice Wu 44:03
We can find parts of ourselves that have been hidden away, abandoned, shut down, or even killed. And so those parts, when they come back alive, can make us feel even fuller. We can find parts of ourselves that are incredibly joyful and are essential to who we are. And when those parts are shut up or abandoned, we don't feel like ourselves.

Candice Wu 44:33
We feel quite stifled or lost. We use that word a lot, he feels lost. And perhaps that's a part of you that's lost, who's lost? What part of you is lost?

Candice Wu 44:47
And as I spoke about my story with my great grandparents and my grandpa, holding the energy of my grandpa, a lot of times, it can be a part of ourselves that has felt lost or whatever feeling we're feeling. But it also can link up with someone in our ancestry whose story was never told, whose story was lost, or whose life was lost.

Candice Wu 45:13
And it can even connect up with past life. If that's a part of your understanding or resonates with you, then it might be helpful to feel into, is this part of a past life? Or is it part of this life? What part of me is this?

Candice Wu 45:29
So a fun activity that you can do with yourself is to just take any scenario that you notice you have been activated or reactive. And to start to slow it down, picture the whole conversation again, or the interaction and just see what part of me is turned on there, what part of me was reacting. And you can even play it all out again and notice how it feels in your body and start to ask with gentleness and with the sort of listening heart space rather than an analyzing space. We don't want to keep it all in the head and the mind. We want to bring it down to an experiential place where it involves the whole body is that's where the transformation happens. That's where the depth of emotion can be felt and released. And that's where things can really shift inside.

Candice Wu 46:32
So asking yourself out of a scenario, who was that or what parts were that, and you can name them anything you want to. I use certain names during this podcast, and IFS and voice dialogue. There are different titles for more common parts like our inner critic or protector, the inner child, our wounded child, the magical child, our dominant part.

Candice Wu 47:04
You might use archetypes like “warrior”. You might have your own name for parts. I love that because it gives you ownership of exactly what that part wants to be called, if it wants to be called anything. And recognizing that inner part of you is very unique to you. It is like your own fingerprint. So nobody else can tell you exactly what that part is. But sometimes it is quite helpful to hear someone else say, well, that part sounds like it's your inner critic.

Candice Wu 47:40
And when we're so used to just all these different voices in our mind, these thoughts happening, it can feel really cluttered. And if someone else that gets to know you or comes in with this awareness of parts, they can say, oh, that part sounds like a different part. It doesn't have the same thing flavor or tone as that anxious part of you that was just speaking. This part's crying, what part is that? That sounds different from the part that has a stern voice.

Candice Wu 48:13
And then you can take that in and go oh, right, that feels like a totally different part. And another fun thing you can do with this is you can map out your inner self.

Candice Wu 48:25
I love taking post-it notes and just taking one part of yourself to a post-it note. So writing down like my five-year-old self, because a lot happened when I was five. And that part seems to be really sucking time or wants a lot of support, or shows up a lot. And also carries my joys. Okay, but one post-it note is my five-year-old self, and then another as the artist in me, and just certain name parts of yourself that seem to come into your life.

Candice Wu 49:01
And then name parts of yourself that you want to lead more often, energies that you'd like to hold and be in your life, like your higher self or your inner wisdom, your inner being, the essence of you, a dancer in you, the lover, the romantic. What parts of you do you want to show up more often, and write those down in the post-it too.

Candice Wu 49:35
And as you lay them out on like a giant piece of paper or a wall, I love using the wall, or even a desk. Then you can start to just intuitively place them how they relate to each other. As they said maybe the inner critic and the achiever part of you are comrades and they just work together all the time. They're inseparable. And they're super far away from the younger self, or maybe the younger so hides behind them.

Candice Wu 50:05
And so where are all these parts, if you could give them a visual location, map them out, dimensionally even like if there are layers, or if they're just in different parts of this space. Give them a visual so that you can start to see the inner workings of yourself and to go further than that.

Candice Wu 50:26
If you start to ask yourself, oh, what would the coach say to my younger self? Or, what if my younger self stood over here instead, next to that wise, inner sage. And how would that feel?

Candice Wu 50:43
Though getting some flexibility in the system so that you can use all the resources you have, so that you can use the many parts of you to support other parts of you that need support. This is how we look at or how we understand the idea that we have everything within us that we need to heal. That we have all the power within us. It's just about accessing all these parts of us at the right time.

Candice Wu 51:11
You might ask yourself, what part of me do I want to show up in my relationship with my partner or with my boss, or with my mother. You might even map out the parts of you that are your grandmother, like the grandmother in me. And maybe that relates to your specific grandmother because your grandmother reminds you of a pure love or generosity or something.

Candice Wu 51:42
And that can be an aspect of yourself that you start to cultivate. So we have that inner reflection of the outer people in our life that can give us a feeling sense and energy of a part of ourselves. You can also design new parts, if you didn't have a certain type of parent that you really needed when you were younger, maybe you're a sensitive person and you needed someone who was completely attuned and present to that. And so you can design an ideal parent, and create this inner parent that can love your younger self. Or maybe that is your adult self already.

Candice Wu 52:27
So we can play with this in so many ways. And as I said, it's really helpful to do this with somebody that can support you in understanding the different parts of you can ask curious questions and give you new curiosity and new awareness. And also bring in gentleness, tenderness, and love to the mix so that you can begin to love all the parts of you.

Candice Wu 52:54
Since there's so much you can do with this, in the following days, I'm going to share to really experiential, one with dialoguing with a part of yourself by sensing into them visualizing that part, talking with that part, and learning more about that part, that question of who's talking and what is their agenda, what do they need. So perhaps we can bring healing to this part, or tap into some wisdom that's already waiting for you to unleash and unlock. And that would be a dialoguing from who you are now sensing into imagining another part of you.

Candice Wu 53:35
And then the second one is going to be fun, and really interesting, because I'm going to dialogue with a part of you. So I'll ask you in this experience to step into a different part of you, and I'll talk to you as if we're right here together. But of course, we're not. And so you'll just be responding from your side of things when you listen. And I'll just invite you to experience this part. Talk to me from this part, and then step back into your whole self.

Candice Wu 54:18
So if you've done some family constellations work with me or through the podcast, this might already sound quite familiar. And it is, it's not really all that different. Because we have access to the energy and the knowledge of different parts of ourselves as well as different parts of others. It is one in the same. It is our intuitive sense and what comes through us and allowing what's already there to be seen, felt, and understood.

Candice Wu 54:49
And I also hope to be doing a couple more of these experiences around parts. So look out for those in the months to come. Starting out with these two.

Candice Wu 55:01
So we're at the end here, it's cold and snowy here where I am in Germany, and I'm just ready to cuddle up into a blanket and have some tea, do a little bit of arrest and hibernate. That's kind of what I've been wanting to do as they said a lot of crazy dreams are happening and so much as coming to the surface to heal. Even though I did say in the beginning of the podcast that not much is happening on the surface. Well, I think it was just turning and now it's really coming through to the surface.

Candice Wu 55:39
Because this morning, I woke up to finish the second half of this podcast. And a lot of grief was moving through from what I started to tell you about yesterday at the beginning of this podcast.

Candice Wu 55:51
So as we conclude this podcast, let's just take a moment together and feel your being feel your presence here. Along with me, just take a couple of breaths. Notice where you are. You don't often take the time to do that, to just notice our surroundings and to take pleasure in what we're seeing around us.

Candice Wu 56:20
We're to close your eyes and feel inward. And just notice your own body here and notice your breath. That you are alive right now, the most simple thing. And just thank yourself for listening in today and developing yourself, having fun with yourself, healing, loving yourself.

Candice Wu 56:56
And as we go today, just want to thank you for being here. It's really lovely to hear from you when you email me and share with me what's going on for you. I love hearing from people I already know and connect with or who are my clients. And also I love hearing from new people. It's just delightful to hear or to receive a message from someone I don't even know who says I've been listening to your podcast and found these things helpful or wasn't so sure about what you said there, what do you mean. Feel free to do that, feel free to share or ask questions and to give me any ideas about what you want to hear about coming up.

Candice Wu 57:41
We have just a short time until the new year next week. I'll be talking about some of my end of the year thoughts and how I conclude the year out, cycle of life and death, aligning with death. I love that. So happy holidays if you're celebrating and stay warm out there if it's cold where you are.

Candice Wu 58:08
And if you're listening in and you want to stay connected with me to listen to more podcasts, healing, experiential, or other offerings that I have, check out my website at CandiceWu.com/Embody where you can sign up for the newsletter that will inform you of all these things. You can also connect in on Facebook. Search Embody Community and you'll find us. That's where I post 5 to 10-minute videos around self-love, tips, and meditations.

Candice Wu 58:41
And as I mentioned the dream course earlier, check that out on Skillshare. You can find it at CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1, the number one.

Candice Wu 58:53
Thanks again and see you all next week on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This episode is a healing experiential around dialoguing with a part of yourself. You can find the full podcast around Parts work at CandiceWu.com/parts.

So this week, we’ve been talking about tuning into the many parts of you for empowerment, healing, tapping into your wisdom, and to help you make decisions and find clarity in life.

If you have had inner chatter, where you just can’t quite make a decision, and you go back and forth, or you have certain triggers that keep on happening, and they repeat itself, it might be helpful to check out who’s talking, what part of me is engaged here, or reacting.

This healing experiential will help you do that.

So I’m not going to talk too much here, you can listen to the full podcast around this at CandiceWu.com/parts. It’s around Parts work, voice dialogue, connecting with the parts of you.

So here, we’re just going to jump in pretty quickly and dialogue with one part of yourself.

Let’s Jump In!

The most ideal way to do this is to do it in a private and safe space. If you like to do things on the train or the subway as you go, in transit, that’s fine, too, it might just be a little distracting, unless you’re really good at tuning everything else out.

So wherever you are, find a comfortable place, feel free to get some water, get a blanket or cozy pillow and you can sit or lie down whatever is most comfortable and safe for you.

I invite you to close your eyes, if that feels comfortable for you or look down.

Just take a moment to release your attention from the outside world. Let go of any attention on work, stressors, life, relationships, anything that’s weighing on you. And also just release your attention on the future, any worries, your laundry list of to do’s.

Letting go and turning all of that attention towards yourself, with love, with gentleness, with compassion. And if you don’t know those emotions or energies, if they’re not easy, just imagine what it would feel like to be able to feel love towards yourself, gentleness, compassion.

Invite a Part Of You Forward

Now we’re going to invite one part of yourself to come forward so that you can connect with that part and have a conversation just like you would talk with a friend.

To see inside of your heart, what part of you you’d like to talk to, connect with?

You might sense into what part of you you’d like to cultivate, grow into or lead the way. For example, your inner wisdom, your higher self, your adult self, the artist in you, the enthusiast, the wise inner sage, whatever part of you that.

This part of you may or may not have a name, but just sensing into the part of you that you want to step into, the empowered part.

The other thing you can do is connect with a part of you that you’d like to understand more, maybe that’s a part of you that reacts in conversation with your mother or in a relationship that you have.

Maybe it’s a part of you that keeps on chiming in when you have to make certain decisions. Sometimes you don’t know who’s talking exactly, but you have this sense of, “Oh, the part of me that gets really angry when ”x“ happens.” Or, the part of me that tells me I shouldn’t follow my gut. The part of me that starts crying when someone gives me a certain look.

So you don’t have to pinpoint the name of the part of you but just the part of you that has any little clue that leads to this part.

So the clues might be a sensation that you feel, like, maybe your fists tighten up. It might be an emotion that happens, or words that you say, words in your mind, thoughts. So take a moment to connect up with any words, sensations, an energy or a feeling sense of a part of you that you’d like to understand or connect with here.

If you need more time, feel free to stop the podcast here and take some moments to look at what part of you you’re curious about, what parts of you become activated, or what parts of you do you feel you want to empower. And if you’re ready, let’s continue on.

Who Is this Part? Getting To Know This Part

And as you close your eyes or look down, sort of feel into that clue towards the part of you that you’d like to dialogue with here and call forth this part of you that has this feeling or words with a part of you that you can name, that you’d like to talk with.

If you’re not sure about who this part is, you might ask, “Who’s talking? What are you or who are you?”

And just connect with this part, see this part and acknowledge just exactly how this part shows up.

Notice if it looks like a part of you or someone else, a creature, color, shape, figure, be open to however this part of you shows up and is.

And as you look upon this part of you, ask it, “What’s your story? What would you like me to know right now?”

And listen without any filter, without any judgment, from a space of the heart, not where you’re analyzing or thinking about the response but just asking and listening. “What is your story or what would you like me to know right now?”

Just see what comes into you. What feeling? Image? Thoughts?

Usually, these are just a flash of a thought or a sense of something and it can happen pretty quickly versus the analyzing mind trying to think it through and walk it step by step.

This doesn’t really have that kind of logic, because it’s wisdom that’s trying to surface to you.

You might ask this part, “What do you desire for me? What is your wish for me?”

If this was a reactive part, or hurt part, a part of you that’s feeling something, ask them about it. “What makes you feel this way or what’s happening right now?”

And as you listen, acknowledge anything this part is sharing with you in whatever way it’s showing you and let it be free to express in all the different ways that can. You might ask this part, “When do you show up?” And listen to anything it says. “And how did you learn this way of being that you are? Where did you learn or who did you learn from, if anyone?”

You might ask, “Is there anything you need from me right now?” And be open to anything it shares with you and if it tells you something that needs from outside of you, see if you can imagine that for this part of you or go deeper, and see if there’s something underlying that emotionally that this part of you wants to have.

“And is there anything you need to feel free or safe? And what can support you in thriving?”

Feel free to ask, “Do you have any other messages for me?”

And now also, feel free to ask anything else that you would like to know, would like support with, would like to understand, give this part of you the space to tell you exactly in their own way.

And now thank this part for showing up and surround this part with love, and release your attention on this part of you or this part and just come back to your sense of yourself, your being here and now, your body, feel your breath, just as it is right now.

Coming Back to All Of You

Start to give a little movement to your body or deepen your breath. Stretch if you’d like to and when you open the eyes or gaze upward, just do so gradually letting yourself arrive back in the space of here and now.

And as you feel yourself present here, feel that you are yourself and reflect back on the experience of this. What part were you talking with? What did you learn?

Just notice how you feel at the moment as you gaze upon this part of you that you’re talking with, where do you embody this part of yourself? How do you feel now?

And you might take some more time, or repeat the exercise to connect on another day or to give yourself more time with this part of you, see what wisdom you discover as this evolves.

And now that you’ve connected with this part of you, it’s my guess that this may continue to grow or open up for you.

If this was challenging for you or hard to do, hard to see or visualize a part of you, that’s okay.

If you practice it again, if you have that curiosity, it might become easier. Or, I recommend practicing the second experiential where I invite you to stand in a part of yourself and that can really be a game-changer because you can really feel in your body differently and hone in on just this part of you, isolate it so that you can really get to know it.

Continue to Observe

So just observe as the day goes on, and the week goes on, just what happens with this part of you, if you’re able to connect with it differently, or feel differently in the scenarios that you’re in, that this part of you can be brought forward or received back a little bit.

If it was a younger part, you may not want your younger part to lead when you’re in your career and job.

You may want some more empowered part of you or resource part of you to step in, so be gentle with yourself and curious and compassionate and just allow this to be more of the discovery for you, more play and understanding of yourself.

Perhaps it’s painful and brings up some emotions, just allow those to continue moving and if you ever need support, feel free to reach out to me. I’d be happy to work with you or give you some resources on what can support you the most.

Thanks so much for tuning in today and check out the second experiential if this was interesting for you or if you’d like a different spin on things. Take care and I’ll leave you with a little music to end.

Introduction to Voice Dialogue

We are going to have some fun today. This episode is a healing experiential, where I walk you through to dialogue with a part of yourself, where I speak with as part of you, and you can respond from your end wherever you are in the world.

So today’s healing experiential is voice dialogue. It’s going to be an exercise where I invite you to step into one single part of yourself.

I will ask questions through this guided experience and support you in discovering, understanding, and seeing a part of yourself and the dimension of this one part of you.

It’s different from the healing experiential, that we did the other day where you dialogue yourself with a part of yourself.

This is where I dialogue with a part of you. You can find the full podcast on Parts work at CandiceWu.com/parts. And also the first healing experiential is there too.

I will Dialogue with a Part of You

So we’re going to jump in and I recommend doing this in a space that’s private so you can just fully let go and tune into this.

Find a space where you’re comfortable and just let yourself be natural.

Let yourself close your eyes if you like or look down and just shake out your body, move your body, shake your arms, shake your legs, breathe deeply, release out your mouth. Just shake off the day so far.

Release anything that’s weighing on you at the moment.

And as you settle into your body, feel your belly, be aware of your hips, notice your legs, your knees, and your feet.

Bring your hands to your heart or palms together just to connect with yourself. Notice how you’re feeling at the moment, how your body is.

And as you go deeper with yourself, connect in with a part of yourself that you’d like to explore, understand, step into.

Who Would You Like To Explore?

Just like the first experiential in this series, it can be a part of you that you’d like to cultivate and find empowerment in, bring into your life, could be an ideal parent, it could be your best friend, because there are parts of your best friend you really admire.

It could be the part of you that’s the warrior or the goddess in you, could be the leader in you, the empowered part of yourself, higher self, captain, whatever it is, it doesn’t have to have a name.

Or, it could be a part of yourself that you struggle with and you’d like to understand or find healing with.

Maybe that’s a younger self. Maybe that’s your teenage self, or the part of you that gets angry with your partner, or the part of you that feel stubborn, anxious.

The part of you that has negative thoughts about yourself or criticism, or that reacts when you’re in the car and flip someone off.

Whatever part that is, just tune into the part of you you’d like to explore.

See if you’re willing to explore this part, and that part is also willing to come forward. And you might know if that’s a yes, because you feel called to it. It might feel uncomfortable, or you might get nervous but you feel like you want to. If it’s a no, it might feel like your body shutting down, you’re just not wanting this. Or, there’s a lot of restriction in you, a tightness that says, “I don’t I don’t think this is the right thing for me right now.”

Just trust yourself. You need to pause here and check-in with yourself, go ahead.

Overwhelmed?

Anytime if you feel overwhelmed, or you need to take a break, be sure to step back into your full self and say your name to yourself even, feel your body and look at your surroundings and take a break.

You can feel free to pause the podcast, you can jump back in later if you want or try again later. Or, maybe it’s not the right time for you.

Follow your own boundaries and what your body needs through this experience.

Step Into This Part

So if you’re ready to tune into this part of you and step into it, I invite you now to open your eyes if they’re closed and move to a different space in the room or wherever you’re at, and embody.

Become as if you could just become this one part of you, become this part of you. Let this part of you show up however it wants to show up, perhaps it’s lying down, standing up in a certain way, maybe it’s seated in a certain position, moving in the corner, under a blanket, however it wants to show up.

Take a moment to feel into your body here and what it’s like to be in just this part of you and even look upon your whole self from this place where you are now.

Picture your whole self where you were standing or seated before and notice what it’s like to look at your whole self from here as this one part of you.

Notice if you feel any warmth or coldness towards yourself, if there’s a connection or not. Notice how your body is.

And I’m going to talk to you as if you’re just this one part of your whole self and you can feel free to respond in your head or out loud especially if in the privacy of your own space. You can just say the words out loud and let them be heard by yourself.

You might even talk about your whole self in the third person, so that you can really feel the separation, the distinction of you, yourself, in this place. This one part of you, separate from your whole self, from the aware ego in you, the aware self.

Hello to This Part Of You

So, I will begin to dialogue with you now.

How are you doing from this place?

How do you feel?

Are there any messages you have for your whole self right now? Anything you want your whole self to know?

Why do you think your whole self wanted to connect with you today?

What gifts do you bring to yourself and your whole self?

What is it that you feed her?

What are the times that you show up the most in your whole self’s life?

What is your purpose in your whole self’s life? What are you here for?

Is there anything you need or any way that your whole self can support you?

And what do you wish for yourself? What do you truly want for your whole self?

And is there anything else you want to tell me or tell your whole self?

Closing and Gratitude

Thank you for showing up and thank you for sharing. And if there’s anything you want to tell your whole self, want you to do that, and picture yourself telling your whole self, and them hearing you.

Or if there’s anything you want, another part of you, to tell you or support you in, feel free to picture that now.

Before we transition, take another moment to feel into your body and notice your emotions. Notice what’s happening inside, where you’re drawn to be or how you’re drawn to move.

If there are any words, or any story that’s coming from your body, your emotions, your heart, feel free to share that.

Take an inner snapshot of what you feel, what it’s like to be in your body right here. Take a couple of deep breaths. Take it off if you want to and allow yourself to come back to the place where you started as your whole self.

Coming Back to Your Whole Self

And now I’m talking to you, your whole self, not just the one part of you that we talked with earlier. And as you arrive back at your whole self, state your name to yourself, say, “I am..” and say your name.

Take a moment and just touch every part of your body, from head to toe whether that’s with a light touch or firm touch, just allow your body, your nervous system to land back here, simply be felt.

Notice your surroundings. Notice your feet and look towards the part of you that we spoke with and that you spoke from. Imagine that part of you they are now. Imagine the position that your body was in there.

Notice all of what this part of you shared, all its desires, fears, needs, purpose. How they feel towards you and how you feel towards them.

And notice what it’s like to look upon this part of you now. Notice what feels different in your body and what may feel the same.

Is there any different space in your chest or different sensation in your body, an emotion you’re feeling now, an awareness or clarity you have? Are there things you’re still curious about or wondering? Are there things unresolved? New things discovered.

If there’s anything left hanging open, you can feel free to go back to this experience and repeat it or go to the first healing experiential on dialoguing with this part of you, or you can just simply look upon this part of you, picture them and ask them right now.

If there’s something that you want to know more about anything that’s left hanging, if you need to say it.

If this part of you wanted you to say something to them, maybe encourage them or share love, your love for them or forgive them, do that now and just see what it’s like to be on the other side.

Ending

And when you’re ready, just let go of it all, feel your breath again, and just simply feel the aliveness of your body, the presence of yourself here in this space that you’re at, look around you and get in touch with the things that look pleasurable around you.

Thank yourself for being here and thank the part of you that we spoke with, for showing up.

You just dialogued from a part of yourself, a part of your inner self that you either wanted to learn more about or empower yourself with or find healing in and just recognize this as very deep work.

Be gentle and curious, compassionate about whatever showing up now, and what continues to unfold for you.

If you’re wanting any support, I would encourage you to reach out to me. I’d be happy to give you referrals or to work with you personally. And I recommend that, if this is interesting to you at all to work with someone that understands parts, because it can just open up so much internally and in your life, having someone else see from the outside what’s going on and ask just the right questions or shine a light in a certain space in you can be such a sacred and empowering experience as well as healing.

Thanks for tuning in today and being willing to experience this. Again, you can listen to the full podcast at CandiceWu.com/parts.

And that’s where you’ll also find the first healing experiential which I recommend for you too. And I look forward to hearing from you if you have any reactions, thoughts, curiosities, etc.

And I’ll leave you with just a little music today to soothe your spirit and give you a chance to just unwind after doing such a deep exercise. Wishing that you feel love for yourself as you go through the day and always.