Commitment & Conviction: Being Unruffled in Collaborating With the Universe – EP38

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about how to commit so that the universe responds, and how to listen as well as collaborate with the universe to manifest what you want in your life.

Candice Wu 0:13

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:49

Before we begin the episode, I want to just give a shoutout to all of those who are supporting me on Patreon. This episode is made possible by those supporters and I appreciate you all so much for just a very small amount can support all the backend production and polishing and creation of these podcasts and all the healing experiences that go out. And I would be so grateful if you considered donating to my work in that way. Some of you have already taken advantage of the $15 a month donation which gets you a personalized meditation based on exactly what you need in your life quarterly. So, check that out if you’re interested, and soon there will be a couple of new offers there for people who are interested in contributing. You can find all that at CandiceWu.com/patreon.

Candice Wu 1:48

Hey, everyone, welcome back. It’s so great to have you here. To give you a bit of an update about where I am in the world, I am still in Michigan in the States, and enjoying my time I’m here soaking up nature, being at the lake, doing ballet with one of my favorite teachers, and riding horses. There are tons of horse riding stables around here, and I just love being with the horses. I hadn’t written for about nine days, and while my legs weren’t sore anymore, which is a good thing. I was just craving to be with the horses, and I even started to get grouchy. And there are probably many reasons for that. But by the time I got to riding and being with them, I felt so much better.

Candice Wu 2:36

Do you have something like that, something that you just crave and nourish yourself with so that you feel like yourself, and it fills you up and gives you inspiration for the week? What is that thing that you really need to feel good? Feel free to share that with me in an email or if this is on social media just posting there, I’d love to hear from you as always. I’ll take another two weeks here in Michigan before I head out to Utah for my retreat, The Soul Body Women’s Retreat, which is in Zion National Park, and I’ll have a couple of about 10 days before the retreat to completely soak in nature and nourish myself so that I can feel very refreshed and rejuvenated before the retreat. There’s still room on the retreat if you’re even interested at all or feel called to it, feel free to reach out to me to talk about it.

Candice Wu 3:32

So, let’s jump into the episode. The a{Live} now series is a podcast series within the embodied podcast where I talk about things that are channeling through me now, things that are alive in me that I’m working with, transmuting the energy around or fumbling with actually. So, just hustling with certain ideas and themes that come through me. The a{Live} now series is about my personal stories with that, as well as some thoughtful ideas for you if it resonates with you. Today’s topic of commitment and conviction starts out with a story of me riding.

Candice Wu 4:01

So, this is about the fourth time I’ve ridden with this one gray looking horse named Sage. And the first time I met Sage, he and I just eyed each other, we weren’t quite sure of each other, I was a bit intimidated by him. And he seemed to reflect that same amount of anxiety, I had heard and understood that horses reflect your emotions or respond to them, and show you something within yourself. And that was definitely happening. I was quite intimidated. And by the fourth time, we were doing okay, we started to collaborate pretty well, we could walk, trot, stop and move around. And so it was a bit unexpected when he started bucking a bit and he started slowing down and not responding to me when I’d give him certain commands or cues.

Candice Wu 4:09

I was taught to give him a bit of a kick. And if he didn’t respond, then a kick and a tap on the shoulder if he was slowing down when he wasn’t supposed to during our trot. And apparently, he had had a really rough day with a child that morning and didn’t seem to be cooled off from that. But I didn’t know until probably about the end of the session with him. At the same time, there was another student who was younger, about 12 years old, riding this horse and getting very upset with his horse. I don’t know what was happening. But while I was writing sage, I remember feeling, let me just stay focused, even though there’s a little bit of chaos going around me, going on around me.

Candice Wu 6:00

She was, the girl was shrieking. And then the teacher was upset with her for screaming while on the horse. And so, I just stayed the course and focused, and stayed in line and tune with my horse. And that seemed to go okay. But about halfway through, the teacher decided to tell that girl and that horse to go and end the session for her. So, this horse and girl left. And as we, my horse and I came around the arena, and we saw this happening, the next round after that, Sage started to slow up as he approached the door and drag his feet and get a little grumbly. And I did the things that I do with him to tell him to keep going. I gave him a kick, I gave him a little tap and stayed focused.

Candice Wu 6:59

The next round of this, my teacher saw me and said, “Candice, you have to commit.” And here I thought I was here, here I thought I was focused and committed and clearly saying keep going. And something in her felt that I wasn’t because obviously my horse wasn’t really listening to me. And he was just doing his own thing. So, somehow, while on the horse, I had to figure out what it really meant to commit. And to do it in the way that she said, “Candice, you have to commit.” So, I drew up all the energy I could, I drew up all the parts of me that were just worried or thinking about what might happen if I couldn’t get him to listen to me, the fears or doubts I had, I just dropped all of that focused all my energy and thoughts on we are going and we’re not going to stop.

Candice Wu 7:54

Well, that seemed to work for about a round or two. And after the third round, he did not want to do that with me. He was clearly telling me, he was annoyed, he started bucking and stopping, moving his head back to kind of flip the reins a bit. And I didn’t know what to do. So, I just asked him to stop. And my teacher said, “No, we are going to keep going.” And the commitment, the conviction in her voice got me to stay the course. And she knows how to work with this horse. So, I just followed her lead. I have a whole conflict in me about how we work with horses and the history of that, of abuse and instilling fear.

Candice Wu 8:42

So, that’s a whole other conversation, but that is part of what comes in to play here. Where I don’t want to be a part of that, necessarily. And yet, I am and yet I am involved with riding this horse who’s been trained in perhaps a way that could have involved that I don’t know. So, back to the writing, we are going and he bucks again, and she tells me, “You have to growl at him.” And so, I’m like, “Okay, I know how to growl, I can do this.

Candice Wu 9:17

PS.: I didn’t always know how to growl I and it almost sounded silly. The first time someone asked me to growl or encouraged me to, and it really was the work of somatic experiencing that helped me develop that part of me that could actually show my teeth and my claws, and act like an animal, acts with anger or the energy of sternness, through that sort of sound and movement.

Candice Wu 9:51

So, here I am growling at this horse, and he’s grumbling back at me, we’re just not happy with each other, necessarily. But I did my best to stay connected with him. And we just did a couple more laps and called it a day. But what I learned from this, from the way my teacher was telling me to stay committed, was actually similar to how I learned to work with kids, when I was a teacher.

Candice Wu 10:23

If you’ve worked with kids, or you have kids yourself, you’ve probably experienced them pushing your boundaries, testing where their limits are, and sensing into where your weak points are. And if they push those buttons, I have found that it’s best to stay unruffled and to stay clear, and direct about what the instructions are or what you are allowing the moment, what is expected of them. And of course, all within the context of a loving relationship with a child, that we can develop those clear expectations and provide consequences when those expectations are not met, and filled in with plenty of love and connection, and presence.

Candice Wu 11:15

So, here I am working with Sage and wondering how do I growl at him, and tell him what the expectation is, without being like vicious or mean. But just being clear, stern and convicted. Because if I’m getting angry or frustrated, he’s picking up on that and possibly trying to rebel against that. The reason I’m bringing this topic up is that this is a perfect illustration of what happens day to day, to many of us and to myself.

Candice Wu 11:56

There are things that I want in my life, the things that I’m shooting for, or that I have goals for, that sometimes they’re high goals, sometimes, I’m afraid that I want to achieve them, and yet I cannot not go for them. And I do find that when I’m going for these goals, I do let my fears come in the way, sometimes I do get ruffled by those fears. And I asked myself, “How can I use this energy of commitment, and complete engagement and conviction, clarity with the universe to express what I expect and want, all without control and resistance of what I do get?” That’s where the being unruffled comes in. Just acknowledging the reality that happens, acknowledging the response of the universe, or what’s going on around me, and yet still staying the course, still pursuing exactly what I want, knowing and believing that I deserve it, I’m worthy of it, and I can have what I want. And breaking all of the fears, and limited ideas, or narrow mindsets that tell me, now you can’t really have that, or that’s just too big of a goal, or that it’s just not possible.

Candice Wu 13:21

When we think that something’s not possible, we send that message out to the world, if we start to believe it. And we act in that way in accordance with that belief, and we get agreement from the universe around us. But if we hold to what we want, what we desire, which gives it true possibility, if we desire it, it is possible, then the world around us starts to agree with that. But if we’re giving mixed messages, which we usually are, there’s often some part of us that thinks and knows, and believes, “Yes, it is possible, I just know it.” And other parts that say, “Nope, nope, that’s just beyond what you can have or that’s not what you’re allowed to do in life.” Then not all of our energy is placed in this focused forward-moving place, that actually tells clearly to the universe, this is what I want. And I’m ready for it and there’s space me for it.

Candice Wu 14:22

When I was working with Sage, and growling at him, and staying with myself and staying in this clear idea of what I wanted him to do, I could feel my energy coalesce and gather so that more of me was coming forward, more of me was speaking to him, and I meant it. And I started to look at some of the things that I wanted in my life, and asked myself, am I actually giving that sort of 100% and dropping the fears, doubts, and anxieties about it, just leaving them behind?

Candice Wu 15:00

There’s a place for working with those and clearing those fears out, completing whatever it is that needs to be taken care of around those fears and anxieties or giving them love. Yes, that’s very important. That’s part of what I do with myself and with others, there’s a part of completing any trauma that the psyche and a soul is begging for completion, is wanting you to renegotiate and to complete so that you can fully feel safe and worthy in this life, and that’s hugely important to getting all parts of you onboard towards what you want to manifest, towards what you want for yourself in your life, whether that’s a love that you have been waiting for, loving yourself, a career move that you want to have, a way that you want to scale up or expand in your business, if you want better friendships or better relationships with your family.

Candice Wu 16:04

There’s an amount of completing those pieces that keep pulling you into a cycle or dynamic, or actions that you take that seem to reinforce a past programming or script of your life. All of that healing work is so powerful to make the space where then you can not let yourself fall into the fear, but to be able to feel the fear or acknowledge it and move forward and not believe it, but to transmute it into energy that takes you towards the things that you desire. So, with all of this, I asked myself, “How do I do that? How do I actually commit all my energy to the things that I want, in a way that tells universe clearly what I want, while surrendering to and acknowledging what the universe is giving me and what the universe wants? How do I actually collaborate with the universe, not dominate the universe.”

Candice Wu 17:15

So, it’s the same as I was saying with working with children. It’s not about being authoritarian, where you’re just harsh mean and instilling fear and trying to control everything, but being in self-authority as a parent, being in self-authority with your life, having true authority inside and leadership inside that connects you with the universe, and allows you to listen, respond, and express, reach out for, make a move and create. How do you make the waves versus just letting everything happen?

Candice Wu 17:54

So, I go back to being unruffled and letting this dance of life happen, acknowledging it all, feeling it all and staying the course, staying with your eyes forward and focused on what you want, and maybe taking a break to rest, or to acknowledge the things that pull you to another direction to heal or resolve, but then getting back on. And when you take that detour to come back on the path, that you know you want, that the detour isn’t to turn you back around or take you off your course, but it might inform the new step a new direction, but that it’s mostly the inner stuff that just wants to find some sort of place in you, in some sort of loving so that you can move on, so that you can take the energy that’s being offered to you through the fears or anxieties and bring them forward, integrate them into the forward-moving steps.

Candice Wu 19:00

When I learned Zen Buddhist meditation, and also studied a bit of Buddhism, I was learning about the second arrow, when we have the first arrow, that means we’re having an emotional reaction. The second arrow is the judgment on that reaction, and it’s about releasing those extra layers, or just noticing them all, noticing the sort of train of emotions coming through, and letting them move through without resistance, but also staying with what you want.

Candice Wu 19:33

Another aspect of this whole conversation is, it is what I want in accordance with the universe, am I in alignment with what the universe wants for me and what I want for myself, is that any different, and that’s something that I’ve studied and pondered, and felt within myself. And what I know is, when I’m in alignment with myself, the source of myself at the deepest, clearest, most peaceful and loving part of me, then I’m in line with the universe around me. And that is actually the goal of yoga. That is the vision of yoga. Yoga means union. It’s the union of this particular energy, which I call me back to the entirety. And it’s the self that is with a big S, a capital S, that self which is the self of all of creation, in harmony and integrated, intertwined, that it works is one.

Candice Wu 20:39

When I feel like I’m truly acting from the place of freedom, creation, love, clarity, then I feel in alignment with not just myself, but the universe around me, I’m able to listen and respond, sense what’s in store for me and how I can move with what’s happening in a graceful way. But then, from there, I can also share to the universe, my desires, in a loving way as well, so that the universe receives me, and it’s this in and outflow of a creative and collaborative process. In this way, we can shift out of what we see as our sole karma, the tendency and pattern of action over time, we can shift out of that, and into a place of spirit, of the creative and divine creative self that is within all of us, and all of what exists.

Candice Wu 21:44

We can act from so many different parts of us. If I’m really angry, what place am I acting from? Is this a reaction to something? Am I being triggered by a belief that, I don’t know I’m unworthy or I am a bad person, or any other belief that that anger stems from the anger which got triggered by something only because of certain beliefs that I have or if I’m fearful because of certain belief sets underlying my experience in the world reflecting that, then, what place Am I living from, and moving from. For me, it’s often a younger place, or at least this is how I can place it so that I can heal and move forward and move from a wiser place or a different, more whole part of me, one that can see beyond the fears, one that can see beyond anxieties and anger, and sadness or loss or anything that I feel kind of drowned in.

Candice Wu 22:50

I can see beyond that when I’m tapping into another aspect of myself, and a more adult and resourced part of me that doesn’t believe in this same belief sets or has the same dependencies as I did when I was young, when I was a child and needed adults to keep me safe. So, I feel it’s quite the inner and outer dance to both stay very committed to what I want and clear with the universe, staying unruffled to what comes my way. And also, to let myself adjust if my desires change. And to sense presently, “What do I want now, and what’s for me right now? Where am I headed? But also to listen to the universe and work with it in a way that’s loving, to not resist the experiences that I have or the emotions that I’m feeling or what’s happening on around me, but to accept, agree, and then choose my response after.

Candice Wu 23:26

So, if it is something that I don’t agree with, really just accept that it’s here, and then decide what action to take next. But the key piece that I’m working with lately is to feel that energy of conviction and commitment, and clarity, so much of me on board to connect with that energy, and to fuel the message of clarity to the world, to those around me or if I’m communicating with people that I’m so present, that there’s no question of what I want, or what I’m about. In a lot of ways, this reminds me also of my voice lessons that I’ve been taking, where my teacher told me that my voice was getting stuck in my throat.

Candice Wu 24:16

So, instead of it, the voice projecting from my core, up and out all the way and projecting forward and outward, it was getting stuck in my throat where wasn’t articulating and the energy just wasn’t flowing all the way through, which was part of the reason I started doing this podcast was to let all of that energy move and come out of me, instead of letting it get stuck. And when I was letting it get stuck, it started to, I started to feel fatigued all the time, when I was talking, even talking for an hour, I felt tired. And now it’s moving all the way through and it doesn’t exhaust me like that anymore.

Candice Wu 25:28

And while it moves through, it also helps me to feel clearer, and like I can project my expression outward and forward, I can take up space with what I want and what I’m saying and who I am. And I can be clearer with the world around me and believe myself like I mean it. And I feel that that kind of commitment that I’m learning through working with Sage, the horse, is that same energy projection and clarity, and feeling like I actually believe myself when I say what I want, or when I’m giving instruction outward or if I’m just expressing myself in any way.

Candice Wu 26:14

In a lot of ways, this is a masculine energy, to me, it has direction, and it has clarity of execution and movement, rather than it being a broad energy that just opens up. It’s a directed energy, and we do need the balance of both feminine and masculine to create in the world and to have a balance or to enhance and grow into different parts of us.

Candice Wu 26:45

So, what I’m sharing with you today, may or may not resonate with you, for me, it’s just what I’m exploring right now the aspect of myself that I’m growing into. And if you’ve been listening along to any of podcasts that I’ve talked about this, you already have heard me say something like this, where I believe that we’re here to learn in every possibility that we can, because the universe is all possibility itself. We are of the universe, we are part of that, we are a piece of that, and we have the entire universe within us. All of the energies of the outside world, and the universe are the same energies that live inside of us just in whatever amalgamation, it is in that particular human being. And so, I feel very strongly, for me, at least in my life, that feeling into every possibility of myself is incredibly empowering and essential.

Candice Wu 27:49

And what I mean is using different tools that I have in myself, different energies at different times, and not getting rigid about using one only, or that a certain way of being is bad, but allowing every kind of action or way of being to have someplace and some purposeful and beneficial outcome, given whatever it is that is happening.

Candice Wu 28:18

So, you know when some people say anger is bad, well, actually anger is quite good in certain situations. How can we use the different energies of discarding what we don’t need anymore, or shifting and transmuting energy to bring us more and forward in life, or taking something old and repurposing or reclaiming what’s behind it? Releasing, giving in or surrendering, creating something, or perhaps calling out and holding accountable, seeing something and acknowledging, bypassing certain aspects or energies that we don’t want to be engaged in or creating a new energy that we want to hold space for BN, or express ourselves from, these are just a short list of ways of being that we can utilize. And this piece of staying engaged and committed, and using a more masculine, staying the course energy and sometimes grappling with firmness, if things are not picking up speed, and not getting ruffled by the things that can pull me off track.

Candice Wu 29:31

This is what I’m working on right now. If this is resonating with you, I’d encourage you to ask yourself some of the same questions. Where in my life is commitment needed? And am I truly committed? How much of me is on board with that conviction and commitment? Where do I get ruffled? What fears pull me off course? And do I stay there or do I go back? How can I support myself in getting back on track with my desire? Am I resisting my experiences and what the universe is showing me right now or am I receiving and taking in or responding to what’s happening by accepting, feeling it through and taking the next step? Where do I get stalled?

Candice Wu 29:46

Is there a place in my life that I need to do a little bit of growling or a lot where I need to kind of grunt and get even more committed, get more focused? Do I want that for myself? Do I want to be able to manifest what I desire? Can I communicate with those around me and the universe around me in a way that works? And what part of me am I communicating from? Is what I desire connected with the source of me, the aligned part of me that is in sync with the universe? And what do I need to process heal or resolve in order to get that clarity, and to connect with my deeper self?

Candice Wu 31:23

These are many complex questions I just fired off, and I hope that you are gentle with yourself as you look at these questions, and play with it. It’s all meant for play and exploration, curiosity, and getting to know yourself. So, all the places where you do get off track, or allow the fear to take over and take you completely off your course, and your desire. Those are times that your soul is telling you that there’s something to learn here, and you can grow even more exponentially from looking at those places, but not staying too long there, also staying on course, we’re getting back on course, when it’s time in all of that is, according to what’s right for you. You are the expert of your own life and the creator of your experience. So, it’s all about what you need and want right now.

Candice Wu 32:21

Thanks for tuning into the exploration that I’m having right now about commitment and conviction. And I’m just truly grateful for you out there that you’re listening and taking this in, and hopefully growing in your own way with it. Thank you so much. And of course, I love to hear your feedback, comments, questions, your stories. So, feel free to email me or message me on any of the social media that I’m on. I’d love to hear from you.

Candice Wu 32:55

Before you go today, if you’d like to hear more podcasts, more explorations, or hear guided healing experientials and meditations, you can go to my website, for the podcast at CandiceWu.com/podcast. And if you’d like to receive bi-monthly newsletters, with updates about where I am, how I’m doing, as well as tips for loving yourself and taking care of your spirit, you can check that out at CandiceWu.com/embody. Lately, on the Embody Community on Facebook, I’ve been doing four to eight-minute segments of self-love for the day or tips on feeling into your body, checking in with yourself, as well as various healing meditations and experiences. So, I hope you join me there.

Candice Wu 33:46

So, that’s all for today. I am wishing you all well. See you next time on the Embody Podcast.