The Deep Mystery of Life + Elbow Wisdom : Embracing What Logic Cannot Explain — EP84

Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is about the deep mystery of life, energetic transmissions and downloads that I’ve been receiving, things that you cannot explain, and I talked about past life memory, coming up through the experience of my elbow.

Candice Wu 0:18

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 0:52

Here’s a trigger warning for this episode. In this episode, I talk about rape, violence, interracial conflict, the uterus and vagina, and different past life experiences that come up around this. If those are sensitive to you or you’re not interested, you can feel free to jump to the experientials that are connected with this episode or you can look on the show notes and find where to jump in at the places that are past these topics, and if you are clicking on your, the thing you listen to, for podcasting, if you have some sort of app, sometimes you can see the different time markers and stamps, the titles for each section, and you can skip past to pass where the disclaimer points are the trigger warning points are.

Candice Wu 1:44

In this episode, I talk about things that I cannot prove, things I don’t have evidence for, except for me, and my being, my knowing and my body communicating that it’s resonating. I talk about past life, experiences a particular past life memory that connects itself to so many different memories and experiences I have in the present life, that all seemed to make sense to me, but you may be listening and thinking, well, I don’t believe in past life experiences, you don’t have to. It’s good to be skeptical, and also tune into what you feel. It’s also good to be able to let the mindset to the side, the mental logic so that you can receive something else if that’s interesting for you, but regardless of whether you believe in past life experiences, you might be interested in the story of how I brought some healing to my elbow, into my uterus, and the different things that connected up with.

Candice Wu 2:55

Later in the episode, I talk about the mystery of life, that is you and being in your specific energetic signature, what you were born to be in this life, and connecting with different ways of knowing. So, let’s jump in.

Candice Wu 3:14

Last week, I spoke about how I’ve been working with my elbow, there has been some pain there since mid-January, end of January when I was in Ireland, and the feeling I had at that time was that it just happened very quickly. It was nothing I particularly did, it seemed, physically. But suddenly, I had this very sharp and also deep pain in my elbow, right at the joint, which when I did certain movements, like twisted my arm, palm face down, and as far as it could go, it would be painful or lifting something a certain way, like grabbing something and lifting it upwards would be painful.

Candice Wu 3:58

So, all these different movements, and I recall a time when way back, I don’t know, 15 years ago, if something in my body would feel funny, I’d tell someone and they might say to me, “Well, just don’t do that movement.” And that just, it just didn’t really make sense to me, or like stop doing that, that thing that you’re doing, and I think there’s a place for seeing maybe a repetitive pattern and movements of your body and doing something to balance that or doing something different. But I also felt the instant that this feeling came into my body, it also connected with my low back, the left low back. And it felt like, “Whoa!” This is obviously very emotional, spiritual, and at this point in my life, I’m attuned to all that anyway, so, it was clear that something wanted to reach me, and to be known through me something really deep that wanted to surface so that I could claim even more of myself and know myself more deeply if wanted to be healed.

Candice Wu 5:11

So, if you listen to that last episode, Conversations with the Body, or if you didn’t listen, and you want to it’s at CandiceWu.com/conversationswiththebody. I talked briefly about some of the experiences that came out of the elbow, and that it’s still painfully there. It’s far less than before, and I also offer different experientials that you could use to connect with your body, to support your relationship with your body and turning on all of the different languages, that your spirit, soul, body, mind and heart use to communicate with you, to tell you what’s going on or to inform you of what it wants you to look at, in your present life or in your past, something that wants to be resolved, and the more we can tune in with that, with all the different ways that our being is communicating to us more we can listen. I find that we’re in the flow of our lives and who we are, we’re in harmony with all the parts of ourselves, they have a voice and a place.

Candice Wu 6:26

Do you think about being on a team, and whether that’s like a sports team or a work team, and if someone isn’t getting heard, that’s trying to say something very important. We’re trying to offer something and people ignore this one person, the whole team is out of balance, there’s a tension, there’s a resistance against some part, and I liken that to our inner parts, and who we are, all the parts of us, and all the ways that we are trying to be communicated to from deep inner parts of ourselves. If we’re resisting certain things that are speaking to us, then there’s a tension inside, that’s dis-ease. We don’t have to listen and believe everything, but to be able to witness it, and put it in its right place, in terms of sort out, if that’s the truth, if that’s something that wants to be healed. If that’s just a floating thought, that really doesn’t have much weight in me, or if, “Wow, this thing, this thought or experience or sensation in my body is really crying loudly to me.” And it may be getting even more intense as we resist it.

Candice Wu 7:53

If we try to continue to resist what’s wanting to be heard, and just acknowledged, then it will find a way to become stronger and stronger and fortify itself or find a way that will hit you in the place that you listen. Sometimes, that places hitting you financially, or sometimes it’s hitting you in the body where some part of your physical body starts to be in pain or not function as well, and we have to pay attention or we become exhausted or all of the above. Where it shows up in a relationship, and there’s conflict, a certain kind, that wants to direct you to look at something in yourself, something that’s just desperately asking us to look so we can feel even more empowered inside and responsible for our own lives, responsible for our energies.

Candice Wu 8:53

So, that episode “Conversations with the Body: Body Love and Multi-Language — EP82” was two weeks ago, and I want to follow this thread what’s going on with my elbow, and follow-up here. I saw my acupuncturist in Chicago twice. His name is Brent Garcia. He’s excellent. He is also on the podcast, early on in the podcast. He and I explored shame together. We talked about the light and the dark, and the fullness of our experience and what wants to be seen through us, and he spoke about his way of acupuncture, which is a Japanese way. It’s very gentle, and he’s super energetic, so does some Reiki sometimes, and it’s also a licensed massage therapist. He has a very full dimension in him of his work, and yet stays within the bounds of his work. But you know, me being me, I bring all sorts of stuff, and his presence is just the right presence for me at the moment to reveal, to allow things to reveal, and that is exactly what happened.

Candice Wu 10:06

In the two sessions a lot came up with my elbow, and I was ready for it. But I want to start the story with before I got to Chicago. If you’ve been following my Instagram, you might have seen that I decided to take on a project, I bought a used manual car, I really liked driving a manual, it just helps me feel like I can learn something and master something, and I have a different sense of creativity and control, and I created a hatchback camper. So, I created a sort of like a platform. So, there was flatness with plywood and hinges, and have a foam mattress that goes in the back and made curtains all sorts of stuff. So, I decided to take my mobile home on an adventure and go camping before I got to Chicago, like on the way to Chicago. I chose a campsite that had rustic sites and improved sites, which I think had like a bunch of electricity and better bathrooms, etc. So, something in me was like, I want to have the most rustic experience I can possibly have, I want to just be in the middle of the woods, and I think I’ve always had that deep yearning like to be in the stillness of the woods and to be at home in nature, submerged, immersed.

Candice Wu 11:38

And so it was a beautiful idea, until it got to be like 11 pm and it was pitch black, and I was hearing noises all around me. So, this is me sleeping in my car, and having to make the decision whether to close all the windows and lock doors or keep these sort of like window socks that I have on, which are like fabric screens that allow air to come through but no mosquitoes. So, I chose to keep those on with the doors locked, but really, you know, someone could just reach right through or move the fabric. If they knew to do that or once they saw what the scenario was, and I chose this because I could then hear if anyone was coming along, anyone coming close. I thought about leaving but I had set up all my stuff. It just felt also scary to pack up all my stuff at that moment and leave, and some deep part of me knew that everything was going to be okay, and another part of me knew well, I didn’t really know that.

Candice Wu 12:54

And at some point, I decided to stick it out. It was probably when I found my steak knife and decided to sleep with that in my hands. I didn’t sleep very well. The nervous system was pretty afraid but some grounding kept me okay, and eventually, at like three o’clock I felt like: “Okay, I passed the witching hour. I have gotten through it. And I’m going to be okay”, so I ended up sleeping the rest of the night. But what was coming up, before I could manage to fall asleep, I was just allowing what wanted to be seen about this to emerge, and what was coming up was me asking myself, “Well, what do I really fear? Is it the animals? What is it, is it people?” And it was the feeling that if anything happened to me, that nobody would know, that it was so distant, it was distant enough that people wouldn’t be able to hear me or come help.

Candice Wu 14:02

And then, I felt the specific fear, I had the image of a man coming right up close to me, like to the right side of my body about a foot away from my head, and the fear was that I would be hurt, taken and brutally raped. Perhaps a lot of women or smaller people, I don’t know. I can’t really speak for everyone else, but perhaps many other people also have that fear. But this, this fear, this image is very specific for me. And it’s something that while I was on this camping trip, I realized has been with me since I was young. When I was like five or six, I remember having the same fear, exactly, and a man coming right up close to me and coming up too close for me to have a realized too quick. So, I just took note of that. Hmm, interesting. You know, I’ve had this fear forever, like a terrifying fear when I was younger. When I was at home, I would be afraid that someone will come through the window or come from the closet. Yes, maybe normal childhood fears but a very specific brand and flavor.

Candice Wu 15:22

So, as I noted that I got to Chicago, had some beautiful workshops, constellations workshops, and restorative yoga and somatic experiencing workshop at the neighborhood studio Bloom Yoga Studio I love, and the family constellations workshops were the restore the love the flow of love, workshops, and they were just deep and powerful, and through this, I’d seen my acupuncturist, Brent. So, this is when it all comes together I love, it’s just really amazing when many pieces of things that I’ve sensed or noticed, and maybe even didn’t notice before but realized later all come together.

Candice Wu 16:08

I talked about an experience of a past life trauma, where I, after falling off a horse twice while I was in Spain last year, it revealed itself. I think I talked about it in the episode Past Life Trauma: Unfolding Freedom, it’s Episode 49, and you can find it at CandiceWu.com/ep49. That is part of the puzzle here because what I learned from my healing work around a falling off a horse twice, I knew that I wanted to heal to make sure that I wasn’t going to take on or allow something to manifest this trauma, if you can be really present with what’s happening and allow what wants to happen right there and be with it or at least as early as possible from an incident, and you can have a resource and allow the body to do what it needs to and it doesn’t become trauma.

Candice Wu 17:09

Trauma is the experience of overwhelm that stops the process from happening and manifest later so we can complete it. That’s one way to look at it, and so I was working with the falls and realizing that it was a much deeper issue and realized that it was a past life experience of being with a horse and then my healer had intuited that I got really stubborn about a decision, and other people were telling me what to do and I got just, you know, got on my horse and ran away, but I got in trouble, and it wasn’t the horse that got me in trouble or being with the horse. But that somewhere in this experience, I had died, is what I knew and what I felt. But it wasn’t really important at that time to know what the other details were. I just got what I needed at that time. Well, that experience came back and it wove into what was going on in my elbow.

Candice Wu 18:23

So, while I was in my session with Brent, at some point, he was doing some gentle touch on my arm, my right arm, and elbow, and it was really fascinating to allow this feeling that my hand my arm wanted to reach out to a man, specifically a male energy or person, and to know that they were actually there, to feel the kindness of this male presence, that my acupuncturist embodied at that moment for me. And what revealed after that were the words “you left me to die, you left me to die” and so I got curious about where that came from, and I’ve certainly had my share a whole armful, one could say, of attachment issues and relational trauma with my father. And maybe, those words applied there — “you left me to die” — in a way, yes, and in a way, not quite like there’s a different angle of you left me to die.

Candice Wu 19:37

So, I stayed with it kept feeling it, and I could feel the pain of that, the pain and the hurt and the betrayal. Eventually, Brent left the room, leaving me with some needles in very poignant spots, and I stayed with my imagination and what was coming to me, and I know when something feels like it’s hitting the spot when my body responds, when my emotions come flooding in or some sensation happens inside that is the resonance of my body saying, “Yes, there’s a memory of this. Yes, this, these are the words that can describe what happened or what I went through.” I don’t always say, all right, yep, these are exactly the facts, and I don’t know that it’s important in my book, at least, they don’t, these things don’t seem of consequential importance in this life. You know, if I feel I have a past life experience, and it gave me healing to recognize it, and it gives me strength to let it work its way through imagine, imagine what I wanted to happen instead or notice what did happen and honor, and then that whole thing releases in my body, if I stay with the emotions and the sensation, and I feel more whole afterward, and I also feel like I can then take with me the embodied wisdom that was of that life.

Candice Wu 21:20

All this to say, maybe these things didn’t happen, and yet doesn’t really matter because I feel like I have more of myself, and I feel like it can be part of my story. It is part of my story. So, back to me lying on the table here with some needles in my body, and I realized that I’m holding my dad’s hand, not my dad in this life, in a past life, in some life, another world. It feels that we’re Cherokee, it feels that we’re Native American. This is my tribe. He’s my father. He’s an important man. It feels like I’m saying to him, “You left me to die. You left me to die.” And as I stayed with it, and pictured him, I actually heard in me sensed in me and heard the words, “Yes, you’re right, I left you to the wolf. That’s only because we had to run, that’s only because we had to survive and fight, and you couldn’t do that. You were really far gone.”

Candice Wu 22:38

So, that got my curiosity, like, oh, it felt true, and why was I so far gone? And I felt myself lying, like in a pool of my own blood, and then as I looked, he was to my right, as I look to the left, I saw in sort of a flash of different parts all at once. Different parts of the timeline of the story all at once, that I was, in fact, brutally raped, and it was by a white man, and on our lands, and several men that he was with. But there was one particular one that lead the pack, and no one was around, that would help me. No one was around.

Candice Wu 23:34

So, that brought me back to the feeling of camping, and my fear that if nobody was around, no one could help me and I would die, I could die, and here it was, the real terror, the real thing that seemed to have happened, this thing that I feel has happened in a past experience that nobody was around, and my body was desecrated. It was as if the white man knew to come after the heart of the tribe, the uterus, the creative center, the young life of the tribe, which was me or, you know, I was one of them, and I felt like my uterus and vagina was like, desecrated, taken, and the words like, “You took something from me,” came up. And interestingly enough, those words came to me, those were the words I used in a recent experience with someone in a relationship, and I was surprised that I use those words, because I don’t really believe that they, that person was taking something from me, but it just came out out of my mouth, like you took something from me, and you took it and now, I can’t have it back, like it’s gone.

Candice Wu 25:10

So, there, I just like, I realized, wow, there’s another piece of the puzzle, like, this is why I felt this way, and it was in particular, that this particular relationship I had in the present day was with a white man, and there was a racial component that felt like it was coming alive, something, some bond that I had that wanted to be seen in some way or worked out in some way. And I don’t know, you know, some people might say that, maybe that was the same person that was in the past life that rapes me, I, my mind didn’t go that far, and it just went there in this moment, as I’m speaking to this now, which I’ll have to feel into later to see if that feels accurate, maybe, wow, just felt in a little bit. We’ll see, but there was a lot of anger about, like, aspects of our interactions that I felt were violent, and when I saw this image lying on the table, and my acupuncturist, I felt like, “Oh, I get it now, I get why I was trying to work that out with this person in my life right now.”

Candice Wu 26:37

So, back to the story. To rewind a bit to piece it all together, I was riding my horse, a horse that I was very in tune with, and I had gone flying off on my own, out to the middle of nowhere, perhaps or out somewhere I hadn’t been. Regardless, it was alone, and I was attacked, brutally and raped, and it came to me as, like a huge blindside, I was just not aware, because I think I was just so focused on what I wanted to do that it felt like this man came up to me really close, really fast, and I couldn’t stop it. And after that, during that my horse ran off, I have the feel that I’m a little uncertain what happened there and may not be important, I could have been off of my horse, and we just resting and then my horse ran off because he sensed danger or perhaps I was on my horse, and this all happened and maybe I got wounded or something and fell off or got ripped off the horse.

Candice Wu 27:59

Either way, the horse ran off scared, and I was with this man, this white man, and experiencing this extreme violence and rape, and hurt and power over me. And in that moment, I felt myself experience that nobody, nobody can hear me but I had the wisdom to talk to the horses, I kept my connection with my horse inside, can’t help come back for me. I can feel it now in my words, I can feel it in my heart, like how beautiful that connection is, but also how painful the experience was, and I feel that connection of psychic ability with horses, like being in the spirit world and connecting with communication that is not directly, like right next to her and words but in a knowing in an energy. That was something that Sara Fancy reminded me of. She’s the horse constellations person that I spent five days with and with her horses, her herd there, and she one day, just said to me, “Oh, yeah, you can just talk with her psychically and ask if they want to be touched.”

Candice Wu 29:31

And it felt like it opened up this whole knowing of, well, I know how to do this, like, this is something that’s second nature to me, and this image of this past life experiences really clear as to why, because I was so in connection with my horse and the horses, and they were part of me and part of the land, part of the tribe, and we love each other. And so, I here I am telling my horse, like, “Go get help coconut, my father, and he did, and that’s when my father found me on the floor, left to die, and he in the clarity of the spirit, I hear the words from him saying, ”I didn’t really leave you to die. He did.“ Like, the white man did, and we had to protect the family. And I heard myself say, ”Dad, you haven’t left anything.“ There’s a feeling in myself that the white man took something from me, and my recovery, in that moment, the restoration and healing in this moment of me, more so, in the present-day spirit connection, said, ”I have life, I have everything and you have life.” Please know that I am alive, and they can never take who I am away and who you are away, and I felt the deep breath, a lot of tears in grief. I didn’t quite feel much anger. At this time, I think in my present-day life, I had spent a lot of time feeling anger, lately, and in a long span of my life working with anger. So, here I just felt a lot of grief and a lot of pain.

Candice Wu 31:54

There are also things I haven’t mentioned yet. If you listen to my podcast about a year and a half ago, when I was in Bali, the one that is on spiritual crisis, it’s Episode 13, CandiceWu.com/ep13. This episode is where I talked about having a UTI and all this stuff that was coming up around from the feminine and how it was moving through my body and anger, and there have been a few things that have come up lately where there I felt some tension in my uterus, and as I’ve talked to it, it has said, “Let me be free, you know, stop trying to constrict me.” And there’s a lot of insight that is coming from those words, more than I’m going to say here. It can feel very private, to speak to what that means at the moment, but there is a thing I can say now is that feels like my uterus, my body, my vagina, my whole being, my heart wants to be able to love totally freely and without fear, like resolving the fear, and then being in the free-loving, and to acknowledge all that I love. And that one love doesn’t overtake another or cancel another out, but that it all can exist together, the circle for love is much greater.

Candice Wu 33:35

So, all of this stuff that was coming to me on the table, and my acupuncturist was really connecting with all these different parts of my body that were speaking, not just my elbow, but my uterus, all these different experiences that were part of the puzzle piece to this one past life experience that seems to complete, complete something in me, and also gives me a lot more clarity. I’ve always had a connection with Native American ceremony, ritual, and tradition. Whether or not I know, like what it is or not, I haven’t been very, very studied in it, but have connected and picked up things along the way, and they just feel like home to me. They feel really like something I’ve known before, and this gives me a lot clearer picture of why and how I was so connected with the land and tribe, animals, plants, that’s very much in my being.

Candice Wu 34:50

So, I feel a lot more at peace to the past part of me, feels more resolved and has reclaimed what felt like it was taken from me, and I feel really resourced by the horses, also by men, my father, and the tribe, the women as well, and the earth. I feel that the earth took care of me and saw me, saw the experience, the animals heard, psychically heard the experience, knew the experience even though they weren’t there witnessing it. What I mean is that the violence and the rape, and also I felt like I couldn’t scream, in that experience, I couldn’t even shout, and I wondered why and I felt my neck being sliced, I felt like my vocal cords were cut out. And yeah, I couldn’t scream, and that’s something that I have connected within a lot of different places like culture, really being Chinese, there’s a lot of silence, not being able to speak for different reasons, you know, people died when they spoke out, but in this recovery, I realized that my creative force isn’t actually taken away, even though in this life, I died this way, and there’s some cellular memory of my body that remembers this, and felt like I had been lost in that. But like, I as a whole being of love and awareness and consciousness. I, as this particular individual soul, had been taken, and parts of me have been taken, and that really isn’t true, even though the experience was that in that moment, but now I feel a lot of restoration, I feel I could never die, I feel I am always alive, and I will live on and you will live on.

Candice Wu 37:12

This is my message to my father and that life, you will have more, and that really gave me a lot of life and breath, grief moving, and I can feel the pain of the lineages, the white man, white patriarchy, white fear, tribe, the tribe’s fear and violence and protection. This is not all to blame white men at all. It’s really to show, to illuminate the violence, pain, and fear that is living in all of us, with that, particularly, I experienced through my body and that life. So, I recognize you may or may not believe in past lives. This may sound “whoo” to you or who knows what. If you’ve listened this far, that means something, that’s interesting but I can understand if this is not your cup of tea. And I’m about to talk about a few more out there things perhaps, you know, in a past self of mine, I would have thought these things were really out there but also knowing that feeling this knowing that I think this is true, but I have no proof or I have no, you know, I can’t quite, I just can’t prove it, but more things I can’t prove in this episode.

Candice Wu 38:52

Shortly after having this experience, I met up with Darshan Mendoza, who is a beautiful, beautiful person living in Hawaii, and she experienced the volcano erupt a year ago and wrote a book about it. I have interviewed her for the podcast, she, her interviews coming up in a couple of weeks, like the end of August, so, stay tuned for that. You can find it at CandiceWu.com/darshan, once that publishes, but I met up with her in Chicago, she was there what amazing timing, for me, for us, and among many things we talked about, she, after hearing the story of my past life, and the healing that’s coming through, told me about the book, The Sophia Code. It’s written by Kaia Ra who channels information and has experienced some very brutal experiences through sex trafficking when she was just a young kid, and yet has been able to still keep her ability to channel very clear. And one day, a voice came to her it was brutal, really loud, and it was saying, “I’m Sophia”, and Sophia is the Divine Feminine, creator, Sophia Gaia, Mother Earth, the feminine Christ consciousness.

Candice Wu 40:31

And so, I’m listening to this book on Audible, and it’s a bit robotic, the way she speaks on it, I think maybe she was trying to say it this way or something, I’m not sure, but still, since she’s set this book with a vibration of what she received in her interactions and channeling, I’m feeling an incredible energetic transmission. I’m receiving this like, download, it’s like, you could just hit download, and then it loads in, you know, you’re watching the percentage of something downloading, and as it goes higher and higher, like I’m feeling it in my body, it’s pushing out all of what the fears, the grief, the suffering that was in its place before, and filling my body with more knowing and love.

Candice Wu 41:25

So, what I’m getting from this, specifically, is that it’s not words that I, or thoughts that I haven’t heard before, or thought about before taking in before, but from this specific frequency, it’s extremely powerful. It’s different for me, it’s bringing another dimension in, and the words that are specifically bringing me more are the words, Sophia Dragon Tribe, and Star Nation, the White Buffalo Woman, all these words that she’s bringing in these words that signify an energy in a whole magical level of being and love that’s coming through. All that’s giving me some sense of memory, it feels like I know I’m a dragon, feels like, I’m part of Dragon Tribe, and Star Nation like this is my people, and all that might sound crazy to you, I remember hearing the author say, somewhere like, “I can’t talk about Sophia dragon tribe, my career is going to go down the tubes,” and yet, her message was, the message she got was, I have to this is important, and this is the way it needs to be transmitted, and that’s how I feel at the moment, I don’t quite totally understand everything, mentally.

Candice Wu 42:56

And in the last several years, I’ve let go of that need to mentally or rationally, make logic of something, and that’s really served me well. I know that the brain is important and the mind is very important. When we think through things, sometimes, that really helps us, and I’ve spent a lot of years and time doing that in my life but I also used it too much, I overcompensated for my sense, in my heart and in my spirit, my intuition by using my brain to rationalize and analyze, make sense of and also problems solve, that now I’m really enjoying just tuning in, sensing the energy of something and using the other ways of intuitive and knowing that I do have, we all have. And that is a way of knowing that gives me, often gives me the right way for me. Sometimes, I say yes or no to things that it doesn’t even make sense, and I’ve let go of that need to make sense of something, and it’s not quite coming from impulse, or irrationality, even though it’s quite irrational, right? Maybe you could call it that, and really, but it’s not impulse or perhaps a traumatized part of me.

Candice Wu 44:21

Although, sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference, if it’s some part of me that feels traumatized and needing something or if it’s an intuitive part that says, from a very clear, pure place, yes or no for me about something or this is the answer for me, or sometimes I find out later that some of my decisions weren’t so aligned at the source of me, but aligned to some traumatized part of me or part that wanted some sort of retribution for some past thing, something that’s living in the past. But I’m really encouraging you out there, if this is interesting for you, to deepen and cultivate the part of you that has knowing of other forms than the mind, than the mental logic. Sensing, tuning in, using the many languages and tongues, the multi-dimensional ways that our body communicates our hearts, the ways that we may know something without being able to explain it, and to trust yourself, so that you can learn to deepen in your trust. It gives us many ways of moving about the world. It connects us to the energetic, the spiritual, the more subtle ways of being. It connects us to animals, connects us to nature and talking with the plants and earth, talking with other beings and energies.

Candice Wu 45:58

And if you, I swear, if my younger self, listen to these podcasts, probably maybe more like my 20-year old self, high school, college self, she would be like, WTF like, What are you talking about? You don’t make any sense. This can’t be that like, judgment, just judgment. But now, I’m all about it, and it’s really served me very well to trust the knowing I have and see the outcome and to see where I may need to fine-tune and refine my listening in myself or what part of me was showing up so that I can know that part better, and then be clearer about the boundaries, like, is that the part of me that was wounded or is this a more, a deeper knowing of some sort that is not from the wound, from my wisdom.

Candice Wu 47:01

So, as I’m listening to The Sophia Code, I’m receiving a more fortified sense that we’re here to do life uniquely, and specifically, the way that our energetic signature and blueprint shows us, and that is always a free will and choice that is always from our sovereignty. She uses that word a lot in the book, that we’re meant to know our deep creative sovereignty, and the sovereignty of all beings, including the animals and the land, and to remember that we are sovereign, to remember that we have freedom, and all of the conditioning and belief sets and limits that we think are here and that we have manifested.

Candice Wu 47:54

That’s actually not the entire reality of things, but we’re deeply the love that is of all things, and the language that she’s using is that we are Sophia. We are the energy of the feminine Christ consciousness that encompasses every single energy, even masculine energy, and give life is love, is the pure being and consciousness that each of us are. I love when things that resonate with me deeply also align with other things that resonate deeply in the language set of the Vedas and Tantra have always brought me to that feeling and that knowing of freedom, all possibility, and that we are able to choose all possibility, even though our body and our energy systems, right now, have collected in a certain way and propel us in a certain way of being. That there’s more that we are, and that more gives us the ability to heal what we think we are, that we are really not.

Candice Wu 49:26

In this book, she also channels seven or eight different energies archetypes, some who have come into earth form as humans for some time, but who have been guides or mentors for all those who want to heal, or people who were interested in, in that particular energy like Mary Magdalene or Kuan Yin, Tara, and she talks about the Sophia Dragon Tribe, White Buffalo Women, as I mentioned, a couple of others. Some of the pieces of those stories and some of what she says is interesting to me and really light something up in me and other parts don’t resonate at all, parts where the, where she talks about chakras. From what I’ve learned in Sanskrit studies, the word is chakras, and the sound is chakra. And so, when she said chakras, I almost was like, “What has she been saying?” I don’t get it. Which well, you know, I can still let it bypass the part of me that says, I don’t get it, but at the same time, it wasn’t clicking into my system, and I think that was part of why.

Candice Wu 50:52

So, there are parts of the book that really don’t fit for me right now, but right in the beginning, even in the preface, I was already crying, and so, I knew I was receiving something and it was allowing me to release other things out doubts and fears that had been living in me. So, do you experience this, do you experience things you cannot explain, but that you know, there’s something there for you? Things that give you an energetic upgrade or download, and the sort of space when you receive something new that really is enlivening you in a way, but also feels like you’re in major construction because it dismantles other parts of you, and grief can come through anger, hurt, other emotions, all of that coming to the surface to be felt, honored and continue to move and flow. It wants to move out, to experience a sense of knowing inside of you and how, what does it feel like when you know something? Or when you feel something is not right for you, it’s a little bit off? What’s that like for you?

Candice Wu 52:19

And are there things in your life that are going on right now or ways you’re being, things you’re involved with, or relationships where you feel something’s not quite right for you? It’s hard to pinpoint, maybe, or maybe it’s speaking loudly, screaming at you. This is a deep mystery. Life is a deep mystery, and when we try to rationalize everything, or make it fit into our ego, egoic mind, it collapses, what we experience into something flatter, one that no longer has the dimension of magic or mystery, the beauty, the unknown and unseen. And to do that, we must know something, we, it’s funny, we must say we don’t know. We must acknowledge and be in a place of not knowing anything at all, and being able to scrap what we do think we know or have known before, to know something more.

Candice Wu 53:33

So, while I say I know all of this and what happened, and all that I’m also open to it being washed away with something else and a new knowing to come, and also that it integrates so that it’s just a part of my body, my body wisdom, my embodied knowledge, me as a moving being, moving body of wisdom and also different possibilities, pleasant and unpleasant. So, how do you support yourself in embracing the mystery of life? What do you do that connects you with what’s unseen and what’s beautiful, and what’s truly you? Right now, for me, it’s just connecting with the words and the vibration that Sophia Dragon Tribe brings, and Star Nation and I’ve just been opening and asking out loud, sometimes, and in me in a sense prayer and meditating with, just saying, “Star Nation, show me what I need to know, show me what’s next. I receive you. I open to the wisdom that’s here, I open to all of it, open to experiencing.”

Candice Wu 55:15

This might be similar if you have connection with certain animals or ancestors or people in your life that are now, that if you feel they’re bringing something to you to learn, there’s a feeling of magic about the connection or maybe fear that shows you, that shows itself first that eventually wants to show you there’s something there for you.

Candice Wu 55:43

In the movie, Aqua Man, I love this part when he is about to do the big thing that he’s meant to do. I’m not going to say what that is, but he tells his mother, I’m scared, and she said, “Good, then you’re ready.” So, perhaps the fear is here showing you there’s something here for you, and that it does mean if you can feel the fear, you are ready for what’s coming and what’s next for this next opening or action on this journey of you being you, being at peace with yourself in harmony with yourself. Who you truly are, not all the belief sets that have accumulated the energies that have accumulated and collected itself to create your physical body and the aches and pains, and tensions that manifests itself as so you can see it, but the deeper you that wants to come through, the cells of your body that know they are loved somewhere and want to be reminded that you are loved. Let us embrace the deep mystery of life.

Candice Wu 57:12

Thank you so much for joining me today. It felt really alive and connected in sharing this episode. I invite you to connect with me if something inspires you or if you have questions, something didn’t rub you the right way, anything. If you feel compelled, I invite you to follow that. I’ll add a few healing experientials to this episode around embracing the mystery of life, around sensing and letting your mental logic be bypassed so that you can tune into knowing, not exactly sure what will emerge. So, you’ll just have to see later this week as it comes out or find it at the episode link at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery.

Candice Wu 58:12

If some of the topics in this episode interested you, you can also go to my website at CandiceWu.com/podcast to find other episodes that relate to these topics. Some of them include the episode about the Soul and Science of Trauma. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep32, Embracing All the Parts of You at CandiceWu.com/partswork. The episode Freedom and Expansion: The Terrifying Gifts of Spiritual and Existential Crisis AKA WTF is Going on? #AmIGoingCrazy? – EP13, that’s at CandiceWu.com/ep13, and the one I mentioned earlier, Past Life Trauma: Unfolding Freedom at CandiceWu.com/ep49.

Candice Wu 59:07

I also mentioned my acupuncturist, Brent Garcia, who is awesome. I totally recommend his work. It’s super gentle yet powerful, and you can listen to his podcast at CandiceWu.com/brent. I also mentioned anger, working with anger, you can find that podcast at CandiceWu.com/anger. Feel free also to join me on my newsletter that comes out one or two times a month. This is full of self-love notes, podcast episodes that are up to date, experiential, events, workshops, retreats, and experiences that you can join in on with me. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 59:54

If you found that this podcast or the experientials or guests on the podcast have given you something, brought you in touch with something of yourself that felt important or inspires you to love yourself or anything that you connect with here, I would invite you to contribute back to the podcast and feed it, nourish it with your energy, and some donation that fits for you, feels aligned for you. You can find all that information at CandiceWu.com/patreon on how to contribute, what also rewards or gifts you can receive in return if you’d like something else that is a little bit extra, like the Embodied Healing Group or personalized meditations. And I just want you to know how much your words, you’re sharing, your contributions, all fuel me and praying each episode with love and ease.

Candice Wu 1:01:06

Thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening, and today I’ll leave you with a little bit of music as we close today. And as you take in the sense that you have about your life, being the mystery, your life being the way, you being the way.

Candice Wu 1:01:31

Thank you so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Introduction

This experimental is to support you in your knowing and your being, in the deep mystery of life that is you, and connecting with more of yourself, more of yourself than your mental logic and receiving messages from different parts of you, your body, your heart, your soul, your intuition, your thoughts as well.

Hello and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artists sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Inspiration for This Experiential

This experiential is inspired by the episode that is connected with around energetic downloads, things you cannot explain, sensing and knowing instead of logic, as well as past life experiences that emerged for me. It’s also connected with this sense of who we are as the way of our lives, who we are and aligning with specifically who we are in order to love ourselves the deepest that we can in this life. You can listen to the introductory episode at CandiceWu.com/deepmystery.

Let’s Begin

And now, let’s jump into this experiential.

Go ahead and find a place to sit or lie down to be with yourself. Feel free to touch your heart or belly. Feel your own resonance with yourself.

Notice where your mind is. Let yourself release your attention on any of the things that are in your outer world — work, school, if you have school, stressors, relationships, daily life tasks. Invite all of that energy to turn towards yourself with great love and power, strength, wholeness, and ask nothing of your body, your heart, and your mind right now.

Feel this space of asking nothing of yourself that there’s nothing here in this moment to do, nothing to accomplish. Feel what it’s like to be in your body, right now. Be with yourself at peace and in harmony.

Feel anything that’s coming up in you. Feel free to close your eyes if you haven’t already, as you go even deeper and as we openness space together with love completely surrounding us, circling us, filling the entire space that you’re in.

And with your breath receiving and drawing in the love surrounding you, let it fill your whole body, your heart, your energy. Let it touch every single cell of your body, reminding you, reminding each cell, tissue, muscle and organ, bone and the mind of who you are, that you are this love, letting every cell be reminded that you are love.

Let this connect with the core of your being that already knows you are love, the part of you on touched by conditioning and layers of beliefs and experiences that take you away from love, take you away from knowing and truth, only to remind you of a deeper truth and knowing that you love that is connected with all love.

And we invite our mental logic, the mind the analytical part of us to step to the side of it. We let it have an open door that lets more knowing and information come in and be seen even if the mind and the logic don’t understand.

Connect with this moment, this breath that connects you with the deep mystery of life. Connect with the space of not knowing and unknowing. Letting everything that you know or think take a rest, for now, letting your feeling sense and intuition, your body, letting that all be as you sense and feel. Making yourself available, making this space for more to be known more to reveal itself to you for what is already here to show itself.

Releasing Statements

Feel free to say in your mind or out loud, “I let go for this moment of my need to know. I am in the place of not knowing. It is safe to be in uncertainty and not knowing right now.”

And as you feel those words, allow any emotion, sensation or movement to come up. There may be parts of you that resist or feel scared, feel anxious or nervous or want to fight you.

Witness all those parts of you and feel or say the words, “I am open to the deep mystery of my life. I surrender to my life as the mystery of being.”

Say, “I forgive myself for judging myself for all the times in places I did not trust my life, and for all the times in places I forced my knowing to fit into rational logic where I may have cut-off parts of myself in order to make sense.”

Tune in and feel what these words evoke in your body right now, staying with any emotions that come up.

Track what’s happening in your body with a loving witness, a gentleness that allows you to keep seeing what’s here, feeling what’s here, and if there any other words or intentions that come up to you in this moment, say them to yourself or out loud as they come to you, anything that you’re doing wisdom wants you to acknowledge or say or be open to.

And as you connect with anything that comes up, maybe there’s nothing, that’s okay too. Stay with your body and feel your hips, feel your legs, feel any part of your body that helps you feel that you are here.

We’ll conclude with the words, “I am myself. It’s safe to be me, and I embrace myself fully or I begin to embrace myself fully.”

Notice how this experience is for you right now, and what happens for you, what images and emotions, what feeling or sensation in your body, what color, texture or feel that is inside, and come back to the loving presence that we called in in the beginning — the love that’s surrounding you, that we invite here and that already is, the part of you that already knows truth and already knows who you are, that you are love, and slowly come to this moment of honoring yourself.

Honoring Yourself

Honor this time and space you’ve taken, honor who you are. Appreciate who you are or what you can appreciate in this moment, and go to the simplest things, appreciating that you’re alive right now.

Thank yourself for being with yourself in this little space and time and slowly start to move your body or your hands to allow movement or self-touch that is soothing, connecting or calming, and as you open your eyes, notice the things around you that make you feel like yourself or support you — colors that you like objects that look pleasant, nature. Look at your surroundings and just feel that you’re here.

Closing

And as we close today, I’ll leave you with a little bit of music to bring an open the senses even more into the space that you’re in, this life, this body that is your vessel and temple that moves you through life and that you get to create with, you get to partner with in this deep mystery of life that is you.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and if you’re interested in checking out more healing experientials or meditations go to my website at CandiceWu.com/podcast. Also, there are interviews and experientials by other practitioners and guests.

It’s great to be here with you today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.