Candice Wu 0:00

Hello, welcome. This is Candice Wu of the Embody Podcast and you’re listening to Episode 3 – Heart Love and Speaking From the Heart. Well in Chicago, this week, my Lyft driver, Marcus said to me, “I’ve been really learning to speak from my heart and not just speak from my mind.” Well, Marcus, if you’re out there, thank you so much for that juicy bit of wisdom, because it was such a poignant statement for me.

Candice Wu 0:25

Today, I’d like to share with you an exploration around speaking from the heart of Yogic and Qigong meditation to help you feel grounded and in your body, so that you can interact from a more wholehearted place, a Qigong meditation for heart balancing and a short meditation to release the external world and send deep love to yourself. So, this podcast is all about love. Let’s start with speaking from the heart.

Candice Wu 0:50

Marcus, I don’t think you’re alone in learning how to speak from your heart and not just from your mind. So often, we are just sharing what we’re thinking. Even when someone says, “How are you feeling?” We sometimes say I think, da-da-da-da. And often I find that when we’re asked, “How are you doing?” We just say some generic answer, like good or great. And yes, sometimes we’re using that as a greeting. But often, I find that it’s really just a waste of words and a waste of breath, at times. And if we can really get vulnerable with each other, we find a lot more connection.

Candice Wu 1:28

For me, it’s not always been easy to speak from the heart, especially when I felt like I had to be perfect. I had coupled or paired, not having emotions, and not showing them for that matter, with the idea of strength, perfection, competency, and professionalism. And I had this myth that if I didn’t have any emotions, except for the good ones, quote and quote, then I would be seen as good or competent or great. And I only allowed myself to express certain emotions or experiences like happiness, joy or sadness, which took a long time, sadness, tiredness, amusement, fascination, passion. But I’ve limited myself and it was exhausting. I would leave interactions with people so drained instead of connected and energized.

Candice Wu 2:21

Any emotions seemed like, they would make me look weak or unprofessional or not good enough somehow, such as anger, frustration, discouragement, embarrassment, theme, competition, fear, I could keep naming these emotions. But the fact was that no one around me really wanted to see me as this kind of perfect, it was so exhausting to them, and as well, and in fact, they could probably see right through me, and probably still do when I get into that mode. I realized I was disowning a lot of uncomfortable feelings and this made others around me uncomfortable in a way I projected my feelings outward because I didn’t want to feel them and it left other people to feel them.

Candice Wu 3:08

It was one of my previous roommates that really helped me with this. She would constantly ask me, “Don’t you feel anything about that?” or “Are you struggling with this?” And she challenged me with sharing how she felt with me, that she felt inadequate and frustrated, because that it seemed like I was portraying myself as too perfect or too good, or having it all together. It wasn’t really being human with her and she didn’t like it. And neither did I. This was hard to take, but I knew she was right. And it took me years to break that down, lots of healing work and therapy, and process groups. And it started with just being able to share my emotions with one person.

Candice Wu 3:51

Actually rewinding a bit. It started with even being able to have a range of emotions, to be able to even acknowledge that I’m feeling something. And slowly I let that reach out to my family and being able to share what I’m feeling with my family, some emotions easier than others. My friends seemed the hardest because I really wanted them to like me and felt afraid that expressing certain emotions to them, especially related to how I felt about them would endanger my likability.

Candice Wu 4:25

Eventually, I looked deeper at all of the beliefs that underlie this and work with those. I used a lot of forgiveness and feeling through the feelings and sensations that came with all of those beliefs, such as being not enough, feeling unlovable, feeling unworthy of love, and digesting all those feelings in the whole body, and not just mentally. I realized a very important aspect of all this, that I was giving so much power to the emotions, and the experiences I had, as if feeling these things, having the experiences of this defined me. It was as if I identified with them so much that they were me and I was them. And tied with the shame I felt of not being good enough, to begin with, having emotions on top of it meant more bad about me. These were all of the myth that I held. All the things that I named earlier, feeling not good enough, shameful, weak, unprofessional, incompetent, just a very deep level of shame, all of that.

Candice Wu 5:30

And even now, speaking, to what’s in my heart is not always easy. And especially with different people, it can be easier or harder I find. Last week, I had an uncomfortable conversation with one of my good friends about the disappointment that I felt that they weren’t supporting me in my healing work. I asked if it were true and why. And this allowed us to have a really honest and vulnerable conversation. When that went deeper than the surface level and played deeper than the fact that I avoided it for many years, we went to what our beliefs and perceptions were underneath this experience. And my friend was able to find out that she didn’t value her own message to the world, felt some judgment with what I charge for my healing work and this helped her see that she wanted to value herself more.

Candice Wu 6:26

For me, I realized that I’d been avoiding this conversation for years, acting like I wasn’t bothered at all. And it was out of fear of speaking to what’s truly there in my heart, because I identified with it so much. And was so ashamed of having certain feelings that it just paralyzed me. And luckily, this whole experience brought me and my friend closer. We had this thought, what if we could all go to the dark places, to the hard places within us, and also share that with others. They know that I often feel way more connection, a feeling that I’m also normal, and I’m a human being. I’m not the only one struggling with certain feelings. And I also have a lot more fun, I feel freer and less bound by my emotional state. Because there’s a bit of separation between me and my emotions, me and my experiences. But that did take some work. And I find that if there is this distance and separation, and if I’m honest and candid with people that I enjoy much more connection, to really know someone to really see someone and to let them know and see me.

Candice Wu 7:36

While this can be scary, sometimes, when I’ve taken that risk, it’s often paid off with a true and deep connection. And of course, this is not all so easy. On the first level, we need to be able to even notice our feelings before we can even feel them, let alone express them to others. So, we can practice being in our bodies, doing things like meditation, body scans, yoga, somatic experiencing, and other embodied and somatic therapies to get into our bodies and build the capacity to feel and notice what’s going on inside. For me, since I had layers of trauma, it made it terrifying at times to feel and even scarier to express what I felt to those who were close to me. So, be gentle with yourself as you explore and love your own heart and your process.

Candice Wu 8:30

So, let’s do a little exploration. Feel free to get a journal out or just sit and meditate with these questions and pause the audio at any time, if you’d like more time.

Candice Wu 8:45

My first question to you is, what emotions do you allow yourself to notice, to feel and to express to people? Which ones are harder to feel? To check in with happiness, joy, frustration, guilt, shame, embarrassment, sadness, grief, loss, despair, helplessness, hopelessness, worthiness, anger, anxiety. These are just some of the main emotions.

Candice Wu 9:28

And the next question, which emotions do you feel comfortable expressing to people? And which ones do you feel uncomfortable expressing? What are your fears about expressing certain feelings to certain people around you?

Candice Wu 9:47

And encourage you to explore these in your journaling or explore them with a friend, therapist, healer or coach. And also notice which emotions you may feel challenged with. Notice where that comes from for you. For me, a lot of the limitations on the range of my emotions seem to root in childhood and my ancestral system on the human level. And on the spiritual level, I believe that I’m not allowed to be human, to feel, to feel enough, to feel okay with being who I am, and the belief that my emotions reflect who I am negatively, all prohibited me from feeling free with them.

Candice Wu 10:26

We have the capacity for more challenging and unpleasant emotions, we also build our capacity to feel the pleasant ones — pleasure and joy. And in addition, when we have access to all these different sensations and emotions, we can use that wisdom from our bodies, we can listen truly, and then take the next step from a clearer place from the information that was given through those emotions.

Candice Wu 10:54

Now, I invite you to move into being in the body so that you can speak from a fuller place and from the heart.

Candice Wu 11:03

I’d like to introduce you to an alignment meditation from Yogic and Qigong practices. I learned this from my spiritual and yoga teacher, Jim Kulackoski, and it’s an energetic practice of bringing your awareness and attention downward, connecting that to the heart and to the throat so that you have access to more of yourself, so that you can align and integrate to your true self, the deepest part of you. This practice can also be used to ground, to feel centered and embodied. And it can bring spiritual growth and advance your transformation.

Candice Wu 11:37

So, we’ll be working with the three main chakras in the energetic system. There are many chakras, but three of the main ones, and the chakras are the energy centers that are the unseen blueprint to the physical body.

Candice Wu 11:53

Let’s begin. Stand with your feet about three feet apart and toes about a 45-degree angle in horse pose, the yoga pose, yogasana. Bend your knees so that your hips go down lower and have your knees over your ankles, your toes facing in the same direction or angle as your knees.

Candice Wu 12:17

You can bend as bend your knees as deep as you’d like, even up to a 90-degree angle, or just a little bit. If you’ve been deeper, you might need to put your feet farther apart. You can also do this practice sitting and if you do that, find a comfortable position, sitting up tall.

Candice Wu 12:41

Place your hands at your low belly as if you’re placing your hands right over your pelvis, and begin to notice your breathing. And just allow everything to wash away. Free thoughts, emotion, any stressors, and feel your hands at your low belly.

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If you feel balanced, feel free to close your eyes or look down. And now, notice her belly button. Just feel into the space of your belly button and begin to take your awareness two inches back from there.

Candice Wu 13:38

Imagine now an orb of light growing right inside that space, the size of a pea or a pearl, nice and bright, with every breath in and out that it glows even brighter, and allow it to grow to the size of a golf ball, and to the size of an orange, and to the size of a grapefruit.

Candice Wu 14:17

And from there, imagine a line drawing up to the center of the chest near the heart and imagine a second orb growing there. First, the size of a pea or a pearl, and then the size of a quarter, and the size of a golf ball. Feel these two orbs in alignment vertically.

Candice Wu 14:48

And now, draw a second line up from there, through the chest and neck, as a soft palette, the back of the roof of the mouth, imagine a pea-sized orb there.

Candice Wu 15:10

Now, feel all three of the orbs in line, blowing brightly and each glowing with a different quality, the lower one, full and broad, and the topmost one, sharp and piercing.

Candice Wu 15:32

Imagine that this is your whole physiology, your whole being, is to three energy centers. And let the rest of the body release and fall away.

Candice Wu 15:56

Notice this for several breaths, just feeling into the sensation, and picturing these three orbs in alignment.

Candice Wu 16:20

Imagine speaking while connected to this place with these three energetic centers. Feel that connection.

Candice Wu 16:40

Now, allow the top or both light to collapse down to the center of the chest connecting up with the middle orb. And then allow this orb at the center of the chest to collapse down towards the one at the belly. And from here again, imagine speaking with your attention centered here in the low belly.

Candice Wu 17:18

Though this is not your heart, it’s the foundation for your capacity to speak from your heart and from a deeper place of who you are.

Candice Wu 17:32

Now, allow this orb at the belly to shrink down to the size of an orange, then a golf ball, a quarter, and then the size of a pearl.

Candice Wu 17:53

And stay connected in the belly, then seeing whatever sensations are there, any emotions that you feel. And as you begin to notice your breathing. Particular little movement to your body while staying connected to the space in the belly.

Candice Wu 18:26

And as you open the eyes, keep your awareness internally, low in the belly.

Candice Wu 18:40

And as you speak to the next person you speak to or speak out loud, or if you sing. Imagine reaching into this space connecting up with it deep down in the low belly, and using your voice from there.

Candice Wu 19:02

The second meditation I’d like to share is also one from Jim and it’s a Qigong meditation that offers heart healing, balancing, and releasing of toxicity and excess stress. And it can support you in connecting and loving your heart. But let’s begin the heart balancing meditation as you arrive right here and now, let go of all of the day so far. Any stresses, anything weighing on you and let go of the future, any worries, or to do lists and plans. And let yourself arrive right here and right now.

Candice Wu 19:54

As you feel your body weighted into the ground, sense the earth below you with all of its rich nutrients and soil, steadiness and solidness.

Candice Wu 20:14

And now feel the sky above you, free, fluid and flexible.

Candice Wu 20:26

And now arrive in your body feeling the skin and beneath the skin. Sense any holding or tension in the body and let yourself arrive into the heart. As you sense the space around the heart, notice the front, the back of a heart, left side, the right side, the top of the heart and the bottom of the heart.

Candice Wu 21:11

Sense any holding or resistance, feel free to imagine if it has any color, or texture, or size. Just allowing it to be here and inviting any sensation you notice.

Candice Wu 21:33

Now, sense inside of the heart and notice any emotion or sensation. Feel free to place both hands on the heart to connect even deeper. And as you rest your hands down, begin to picture the color of rose quartz, the crystal, a light pink, beautiful color, and vibration of love.

Candice Wu 22:07

Imagine this rose quartz color completely surrounding your body like a blanket of loving energy.

Candice Wu 22:21

See it above and below you front to back and all the way around 360.

Candice Wu 22:32

And as it feels completely surrounding you, breathe it in as if you could breathe it in through the nose down the throat and into the heart, filling up the heart with his loving beautiful vibration. And as you exhale, imagine a black smoke coming out of the mouth making this sound like “haa” sound, but as quietly and subtly as your body let you. And feel free to release any emotion, toxicity or stress that’s ready to go.

Candice Wu 23:14

Take as many breaths as you need to breathe in this pink rose quartz color right into the heart and exhaling to release anything that’s ready to go.

Candice Wu 23:36

And let’s do it a second time imagining that rose quartz pink color surrounding your body, and breathing it in through the nose letting it land inside of the heart.

Candice Wu 23:56

Breathing out any extra stress and emotion or toxicity with a soft “haa” sound, a sound that’s connected with releasing from the heart.

Candice Wu 24:12

And when that feels complete, imagined a third time the rose quartz, pink-loving vibration surrounding your body like a blanket, breathing it in and filling up the heart and release any stress, emotion or toxicity like a cloud of black smoke coming out of the mouth.

Candice Wu 24:43

And when you feel that’s complete, see this beautiful vibration of love and compassion inside of the heart, rose quartz pink, and imagines sealing the heart with this color.

Candice Wu 25:01

Feel now your whole body smiling at your heart. And again, feel free to place your hands on your heart to connect even deeper.

Candice Wu 25:15

And as you come back to your normal and natural breath, sense any shifts in the body, anything that’s releasing or recalibrating, just allowing whatever is here to be sensed.

Candice Wu 25:31

Take your own time letting your body decide when it’s time to take a deeper breath. Give a little movement to the body. And softly opening the eyes and noticing your surroundings, and coming back into the present awareness.

Candice Wu 26:01

Now, we’ll move into the very last meditation for the podcast today to give some pure love to your heart.

Candice Wu 26:11

Whether this is a rough day for you or you’re feeling great, this is for you. This was inspired by a loved one through a message to me when I was experiencing some deep shame and grief, a time I really needed it the most. So, let’s begin.

Candice Wu 26:29

Find a comfortable seated position or lie on your back and feel free to close your eyes or gaze downward. And simply feel your breathing.

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Feel the weight of gravity and the earth below you.

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And now, imagine letting go of the external world around you. All of your todo lists, your plans, all of your relationships, community, society. Just leaving all of it and turning inward towards yourself with great power and strength.

Candice Wu 27:24

Imagine shining an inner love towards yourself. With every breath, let compassion nourish and wash through your heart, touching the deepest core of your being.

Candice Wu 27:47

And as you feel into any sensation or emotion or impulse in your body, remind yourself that all of your emotions, thoughts, and experiences are just stress being released. And they’re just that. Emotions, thoughts and experiences, they are not you and you are much more than all of that. It’s the awareness behind all of that.

Candice Wu 28:20

Feel into this love shining towards yourself right to your heart.

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If you’re not sure how to feel a sense of this love towards yourself, imagine what it would feel like if you could.

Candice Wu 28:48

And take as long as you’d like here. Feel free to even pause the meditation to give yourself more time and space.

Candice Wu 29:00

When you’re ready to complete the meditation, begin to take deeper breaths. Again filling your body with a pure love?

Candice Wu 29:17

While we give some movement to the body, any stretch that you’d like.

Candice Wu 29:29

And as you open the eyes, just keep your gaze downward, and slowly looking around as you adjust coming back to the outer world.

Candice Wu 29:41

As you complete these explorations and meditations today, I hope that you truly enjoyed sending love to your heart and finding new ways to speak from your heart. I hope that you get lots of good connection with yourself and with others as you try these out.

Candice Wu 29:57

I appreciate you listening in today to the Embody Podcast and as always I welcome your ideas, your feedback, and requests. You can email me at [email protected] and you can find more of these podcasts with healing tips, meditations, and explorations at CandiceWu.com/podcast. And you can also find workshops, retreats, other resources, and blog posts on my website. Take care of your heart and see you next time.