Candice Wu 0:00

Hi, this is Candice Wu on the Embody Podcast, and you are listening to the a{Live} now mini-series within the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:09

This mini-series is all about what’s alive now within me, as I found that what’s going on for me is often going on for my friends, my clients, people around me, people across the world, I find it fascinating.

Candice Wu 0:25

a{Live} now is also important to me, because I found that if I’m sharing what’s most alive within me, within my heart or soul, now, that it is bringing me to feel the most embodied, and the most in myself, and the most connected.

Candice Wu 0:43

So after I recorded the last podcast, which was the part two of the spiritual and existential crisis episode, I woke up feeling lots of fear, it was like a vague anxiety and fear, not too big, something I could ignore. But all the while I’m not one to ignore my feelings at this point in my life. And I’d rather learn more about myself and resolve that fear, or whatever it is, so that I can feel an organic at ease.

Candice Wu 1:16

And so I woke up feeling this fear. And all I knew was that it was as if I could see a whole forest to my right, and this forest had died. And all of these dead leaves and trees were old beliefs of mine. And these beliefs, I just needed to clear them out, clear the way. And so I was like swinging my right arm and moving this. And I just felt that this could move some of that fear.

Candice Wu 1:43

But I also wanted to know what it was, know what those fears were, because then if I spot those same dead roots, or this new sprout of a tree comes up, then I know what it is so that I don’t have to relive it.

Candice Wu 2:00

I’m not sure if what I experienced was a vulnerability hangover, per se, it was more that my perfectionist and inner critic came up. So we want to talk about perfectionism today.

Candice Wu 2:13

My partner, this morning, and I talked about it. And he said something like, “Perfectionism just doesn’t work for me.” Which is funny, because both of us fight perfectionism all the time. But what struck me about that statement was that perfectionism can be a choice. And I, of course, know this, it just was a really great reminder. And it’s, in fact, what I’ve been doing with myself, especially with the podcasts, especially with, sometimes with my writing, is that I know it’s not going to satisfy my inner perfectionism, my inner perfect part. But I will leave it as is.

Candice Wu 2:55

And as an artist too, there’s this saying that an artist work is never done. And it’s just a given that you are never complete with your artwork, you will always find something else to update or edit or change or redo, refine, and that can go on forever.

Candice Wu 3:16

Perfectionism as a choice, for me, means that I’m going to choose to not be perfect, I’m going to choose to be myself and let the more natural, imperfect, messier, raw, and unpolished parts of me have some breathing room. And I’m going to say things that are wrong, or that don’t really truly reflect who I fully am. Maybe they reflect parts of me or maybe tomorrow, I decide and realize that what I said yesterday isn’t going to be exactly what I’d say today.

Candice Wu 3:51

And I think that as humans, we need to give ourselves that leeway. We need to let ourselves feel that we can be confident in what we’re saying today, or at least assert something, and not feel that we have to make a statement for a lifetime.

Candice Wu 4:07

That what we say today, we can change tomorrow. And we can always repair something that we’ve done wrong, or that we’ve said incorrectly. Or, perhaps it just takes a little humility and humbleness to just say, “Yep, what I said yesterday wasn’t the right thing.” Or, “That’s not exactly what I see today. And I’d like to update what I said or revise it now.”

Candice Wu 4:32

But that gives us a space to be who we are today and be it fully and to feel alive in what we’re saying to assert ourselves in whatever way we feel is ourselves today. And I don’t necessarily mean to be impulsive, and just say whatever’s on your mind or do whatever is there, it is not that. It’s just that whatever it does feel right to you today, to feel that you can be totally behind yourself and say it or do it in a full way, where you allow yourself to accept that maybe it’s a mistake, or it’s something you’d want to do differently later. But that, this is what you are choosing now.

Candice Wu 5:13

I want to support and stand behind my more natural and authentic voice. Because it’s important, it’s important that I feel like myself, and that it’s organic. And I think that that’s a really good investment in myself that I’m letting this part of me have a chance to mess up and have a chance to find its way. And that later it will become a more refined aspect of myself over time that just feels natural.

Candice Wu 5:51

My inner perfectionist, my inner critic, I think you all know what I’m talking about. I want to offer this moment for you as a check in with your inner perfectionist or inner critic. For me, those two pair up. So when my inner perfectionist flares up and says, “You should have said this,” or “You should have done it like this.” And, “You should do it this way.” So that it’s completely perfect and seamless. And that you look perfect to the outside world.

Candice Wu 6:18

I know that my inner critic chimes in and starts to make me feel bad for not having done it that way. Or that I should have been better, or that I’m not good enough. And so, when my perfectionist comes up, I also keep an eye out for my inner critic.

Candice Wu 6:36

The most important part of the inner perfectionist and inner critic, for me, is that there’s a lurking fear behind what they’re saying, that causes them to want to say it and to protect me in that way. Their purpose is to protect me and to make sure that I have my highest potential out there in the forefront.

Candice Wu 7:01

But my inner perfectionist can get a little out of hand because it learned very early on, that if I wasn’t perfect in my speech, if I wasn’t saying the exact right thing, that later I might be called out on it. And even it could be held against me, then my inner critic chimes in and says you’re not good enough, you really have to be that perfect, you really have to be impeccable.

Candice Wu 7:28

At a very young age, I knew this. And what I always need to do with my inner perfectionist and critic is send a lot of love, a lot of assurance that the past is now gone. And that way of being that it learned early on, is not the way things are anymore.

Candice Wu 7:48

I don’t have a parental figure that is speeding me with that sort of information and harshness and criticism that I once have experienced before. And so it’s not that way anymore. And it’s safe to be imperfect, it’s safe to be human. It’s safe to say things and redeem yourself later if it was the wrong thing. It’s safe to say something and it doesn’t even make sense and you get to explore it. And it’s safe to feel enough.

Candice Wu 8:27

So if you resonate with me at all about your inner perfectionist or inner critic, do a little check in with yourself with these parts of you and just see how they’re doing. See if they need any support, love, assurance, or even a memo that times are different now. And that it’s safe to feel that they’ve got some breathing room to be themselves without having to be this signed up version that nobody is.

Candice Wu 8:58

You can check in with how young or old these parts of you appear to you how young or old they seem. And this is all an exploration. It’s not like you have to pinpoint it. But you can see if this part of you is younger. And if they are, then, they certainly may need a little extra love and gentleness and speaking from the heart, not from your logic.

Candice Wu 9:21

If you’d like to give these parts of you some extra love, see what kind of love these parts of you would want. Do they need you to hold their hand? Would they like you to play with them? Or, just give them assuring words that you love them, it’s safe to be themselves. And it’s safe to feel any emotions around being perfect, having to be perfect, or the amount of years you’ve been suffering in this way, at least if you’re anything like me.

Candice Wu 9:53

I check in regularly with my inner perfectionist and inner critic, especially when I feel fears about something that I have stepped into, or some fears that I have broken through to take a step farther. If something I’ve accomplished is something that my community, my tribe, or my family has not seen as possible or even in their periphery, I can usually count on the next day or even later, after I’ve done it that I have this sort of tidal wave of fear come back at me. It’s like the backlash of what I’ve broken through, the limits that I had broken through, the boundary that was there. If I had broken through it, then a wave of that emotion, that fear that was there and its place holding this boundary in place, has to be felt through.

Candice Wu 10:52

So if you’re into exploring that for you, be gentle and curious with yourself so that you can really give the love to yourself that these parts of you have needed.

Candice Wu 11:02

I want to share one more thing before I go today. And it’s that this morning, I heard from Gary Vaynerchuk one of his videos, how Madonna had reinvented herself 14 times. And that it’s healthy to reinvent yourself all the time.

Candice Wu 11:19

And it’s something I’ve been thinking about as the feelings and symptoms of what I’ve been calling the spiritual flu or sometimes spiritual crisis, an existential crisis, have moved through me.

Candice Wu 11:33

I have experienced more expansiveness in me, freedom, spaciousness, a sense of really being in my body, and grounded, comfortable with myself. And interestingly, drawing upon past parts of myself that have been sitting there latent or waiting for me to just bring them back into the fold.

Candice Wu 11:59

And I think that in this time and age, that bringing all of ourselves is so important, all the things that we’ve learned in the past, if we embrace them, and bring them forward with us, we are going to be well equipped for whatever it is that we desire, or what we want to come our way, and what we encounter.

Candice Wu 12:21

And, so I see myself bringing back the artist in me, I just created a little artwork on this app on my iPad, that lets me collage and look like I’m water coloring, and painting and drawing. And I didn’t even think that was possible for me to enjoy it. Because I’m so interested in taking real materials, like paint and lace and pictures and collaging them and touching these materials. But this app was so fun. And it just brought me joy to move the paint around, even though I was on my iPad and not real.

Candice Wu 12:59

The good thing is I don’t really have to wash my hands or wash paint brushes. But, I am bringing this artist part of me back in. And it’s something that I’ve wanted to do, it brings me a feeling of joy and inner beauty shining outwards. And so I think of all of you out there that are having multiple gifts in their lives, multiple aspects of themselves that they’ve shifted through, moved out of, and I call upon you to not reject the past parts of you for something different as you move forward. But to embrace and bring all those parts of you into the circle of who you are, as you walk in your life.

Candice Wu 13:47

This also means you don’t necessarily have to pick one thing to do in your life. You don’t have to be just an accountant or just a writer. Not that it’s not okay. But if you are someone who has many passions, and don’t want to lock yourself into one thing, you don’t have to feel that way. You can bring in many parts of you to whatever it is you do in your life.

Candice Wu 14:14

And, as I’ve allowed that leeway in myself, it’s given me the gusto and the confidence and strength to speak more personally in these podcasts and in my writing, and even sometimes with my clients, if it seems like it would support them.

Candice Wu 14:33

So I want to thank you for listening today to what’s a{Live} now. And just send you on your way with lots of love to your inner perfectionist and inner critic, and to all the parts of you that may be lit up by this conversation.

Candice Wu 14:50

And I encourage you to explore those parts of you if that interested you at all.

Candice Wu 14:56

I want to just mention that the way of speaking with the many parts of you, there are so many modalities that teach that. And the method that I use is, I’m really fluid with it, but it’s called Voice Dialogue. And I use it along with Family Constellations, so that we’re working with the different parts of you in an embodied way, that each part of you actually has a whole feeling sense and way of moving in the body and emotion set.

Candice Wu 15:26

There are other modalities like Internal Family Systems and other types of soul and spiritual work that do this work too. Also working with Parts work.

Candice Wu 15:37

So, I wanted to mention that in case you would like further exploration and you can feel free to reach out to me or any practitioner that works with those aspects, for that deeper work.

Candice Wu 15:50

As always, I’m open, welcoming, and grateful for your feedback, your thoughts, your questions, so feel free to email me. You can contact me through my website at CandiceWu.com and you can join the community of Embodied Healing tips, my newsletter, guided meditations, and information about workshops and retreats through the Embody Community. And you can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 16:21

And I’ll leave you today with the question of what’s alive for you now? Thank you so much for listening and I will see you next time on the Embody Podcast.