Candice Wu 0:00
This episode is brought to you from the Pacific Ocean in Mexico, and we're touching in on self-betrayal and protection today, as well as forgiving yourself, acceptance, and more than acceptance, loving yourself in every moment that you're experiencing. So a little meditation to support you in that.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing, and self-love. My name is Candice Wu, and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over over the world.

I know I said I was taking a hiatus from the podcast, but I don't know, when it feels good, it feels good. So I'm just going to go with that.

And that's really the topic of today. How we can truly listen to what our body, hearts, what our deeper selves need and want, and how to be in full loving acceptance of who we are, and more than acceptance, loving yourself, being attracted to yourself, desiring whatever it is you're experiencing to be held in its full. And for me that required self-forgiveness.

Forgiving myself for judging my experience. Noticing the self-criticism or the self-blame, or the self-betrayal. There are places that we betray ourselves.

Self-betrayal is, in a way, splitting yourself off in two parts.

One part of you wants something and the other part says, “No, we're doing something else.”

And how do you reconcile that, and it's not in agreement, it's taking one over the other? It's not a mutual agreement of, “Okay, well, this is better because”, it's where we ignore or dismiss or avoid one part of ourselves or hide. And, we let another part override to protect us, to give us something we need, perhaps, or we think we need, what we have needed in lieu of the other.

So places where we dismiss what we feel. We don't hold our own experience. Places where we please others and accommodate others and put ourselves last or sacrifice what we might need or want in that moment.

Places where we don't even ask ourselves what we want and we just go on automatic. Where we think what we want or need is stupid, cheesy or ridiculous, childish. Where we judge ourselves or where we have an intuition about something and we ignore it.

And so when we say self-betrayal, it comes with some blame.

So I like to draw towards the sense of protection, how is this behavior protecting you or giving you something you need? And when you sense these things for you, what does it feel like in your body?

So let's take a little time here today, together, to touch into some self-loving and bring forgiveness in, to soften.

So I invite you to be in a comfortable place, and before you get even more comfortable, let your body move a little bit in any way or give yourself some touch with the approach that you're supporting your body here and also with discovering what might be unknown in your experience, unknown in the corners of your joints.

Just allow yourself to notice whatever it is you notice inside or outside of you, including the waves crashing in our surroundings here.

Let the ocean bring mystery, the sense of mystery into discovering what's here for you today. The mystery of this moment. The mystery of life and what's revealing and evolving. The mystery that may be living within your emotions or your body's sensations.

And as you come to a comfortable place to sit or lie down or be, let your body be in whatever position it wants to be in.

And as you hear the waves crashing and moving, let that wash away the day so far, let it softly release your attention on all of the outer worlds, especially all that's going on in the periphery, in the collective.

And whatever part of you that has your attention on the collective experience or the trip to the grocery store, or anything that's more on the periphery, draw that energy and awareness back to yourself to your body right now, and let the ocean waves just wash away what belongs to other people.

Let the ocean waves wash away anything that's closer in proximity to you, in your relationships around you, in your surroundings, just letting it release your tension on, all of those things, letting the stress just wash away, drawing your energy towards you here.

Start to feel the energy and space right around your body. Imagine the ocean breeze sweeping across your body, releasing you of any expectations on yourself from the outer worlds. Any pressures or expectations from inside of yourself to yourself. Letting this be a time where you expect nothing from yourself and your body.

Notice any subtle sensations inside your body, in your energy fields. Imagine the energy of loving surrounding you, that may be a color of light, any color that suits you right now. That may be a sense of loving, compassionate presence with yourself. Just turn on that vibration or switch. The sense of being with whatever is here, being present with yourself, no matter what's happening and allowing all of it to continue to happen.

Begin to feel deeper into your body. Notice your heart. Notice the edges of your heart where they touch. The tissues of the body and other organs.

Notice lower into your body into the hips, into the belly, and all the way into the legs and the feet.

Anchor yourself to any pleasant or neutral sensation in the body.

And if you'd like to, I invite you to notice any places in your life, in your experience, where you betray yourself.

Notice any place you don't listen to yourself or you ignore what you know.

Then begin to feel what happens in your body as you're aware of that.

Notice any effect it has when you choose something other than what you know is right for you and witness all this with love, with a sense of neutrality and presence without any judgment.

And I invite you to forgive yourself for any judgment you have. For any self-betrayal, any ignoring or dismissing what you need, desire, or know.

The energy of forgiveness rushes through your body and hold every single cell of your body.

Let yourself acknowledge that whatever it is that you have chosen, you're able to make changes moving forward. And you may have needed to explore whatever that situation was in order to learn something or see something.

Just be with whatever you feel inside. Whatever you're aware of inside with your presence. Being with it 100% without changing it at all.

And whatever you feel inside, go deeper and deeper into the sensation, into your energy, and go even deeper. And when you feel like you've gone deep enough, go even deeper. Just letting your body digest whatever it is you're feeling and any energy that's moving in your body, any sensation is letting it move on its own.

I forgive myself for judging myself.

I forgive myself for judging myself for…

You can fill in the blank with anything that you've been hard on yourself about.

Take your own time, just being with yourself as long as you want to. And whenever you're ready to let your awareness come to the outer level of your body, the skin, begin to notice your surroundings even if your eyes are closed, and that's your own body's pace.

Let yourself move or stretch or be in any way that your body would like to be, following your own instinct, your own impulse. Being with yourself as you are.

And as we close this experience today, I'm watching about eight pelicans fly by in sync with each other across the water. They look very peaceful.

And just wishing you for your week, all the loving presence with yourself, and to be a little less hard on yourself if you are hard on yourself for anything you're experiencing. That's one way we can take a step towards self-loving and shift from self-betrayal is to just be with whatever's here. Love yourself by being present with your experience.

Wishing you all well, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.