Candice Wu 0:00

This episode is the introduction to a cleanse on your relational world. Cleansing your relational world and your dynamics can support you in feeling joy in your life now, being more present, and releasing old ties that have kept you tied in. Also, just some brief updates about my trip to Mexico as well as a recent proprioceptive writing retreat and the sensual topics that have come out of that.

Candice Wu 0:31

Hello, and welcome. You’re listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, embodied healing, and self-love.

Candice Wu 0:44

My name is Candice Wu, and I’m a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support, and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Candice Wu 1:05

Starting today, February 10th, 2020, for one month, I will be offering the first part of the dream classes that’s on Skillshare for free. This is about how to uncover and awaken your dream life, the basics of remembering and recording your dreams. So, it’s how to prepare your body somatically and energetically to be able to better remember your dreams and tips and tools for recording those dreams so that you can catch those dream fragments and stories as you wake up. You can find the class at CandiceWu.com/dreamclass1, and you’ll be able to sign up for a free membership there where the class is free once you get into Skillshare.

Candice Wu 1:53

There, you can also find other classes on how to support yourself in waking up your dream life and recording your dreams, accessing your dreams, the importance of dreamwork, and how it can support you and your life as well as upcoming dream classes that I will be creating on how to glean the wisdom from your dream life, for your waking life, for your heart and your soul, and for who you are.

Candice Wu 2:23

Welcome back to the Embody Podcast. This week, I am in Mexico, and last week, you may have heard the episode on solo travel, some of my fears that I was deconstructing and what was happening for me as I began the journey again to live abroad and travel. At this point, I am in Mexico, I’m in Mexico City, it would be today that I’d be transiting to Oaxaca with a friend, and if you want to hear about my travels and how it’s going, you’ll have to tune in next week because I’m recording this one week in advance so that I can let myself have time to settle in without worrying about the podcast and internet and all that stuff and just let myself surrender, wander and explore just the way I want to.

Candice Wu 3:10

One of the most exciting things for me about travel is to set myself into a completely different environment that lets me see, then see myself more deeply and also see where I’m holding constructs that are not really real, but you know, just one way of being because I get to experience the constructs in another environment or from a totally different angle, and language set, especially when another language involved. It comes with an entire embodied way of being an entire experience set that lives within the words and the experience of that culture.

Candice Wu 3:56

So, I’m excited about that and that relates right to what I did last weekend, which was a proprioceptive writing retreat at Hope Springs Institute. It was just what I needed. I feel like it was the perfect retreat for me to get connected with myself on a deeper level aligned to my experience, what I mean when I speak, what I, where I’m coming from, and yet also a stronger awareness of the space in between me and my projections or me and my thoughts, me and the experiences I’ve had, so that I’m more centered in my aware self.

Candice Wu 4:41

Coming up soon, I’ll also do an episode about that writing retreat and the process of it, and perhaps read some of the writings that came through, and it really is a process of listening inward and observing what comes through and writing it down, and then asking a question of: What do I mean by and whatever word has some aliveness? To follow that thread of energy and let it come through as to what is held in the proprioceptive being, the being of us that is aware of space and time and aware of our body, and holds the experience of this life and all the lives that came before it in terms of past and lineage, so it was amazing. And I hope to do a constellations retreat there. So, for all of you who have been asking about retreats, it’s coming and this place is magical and the perfect place to do it.

Candice Wu 5:41

A couple of weeks ago, I spoke about Mary Oliver in the episode where I read her poem, Wild Geese, and I’m still stuck with the words: “You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” And this writing retreat brought me closer to what I love and what touches me in a really deep way, and some of the themes that I’ve been exploring right now are sleep disruptions and tiredness, eroticism, gassiness, who people are to me, and the ones that seem highlighted in my life, my associations around fuck and fucking, the words fuck and fucking, sensuality, intimacy, polyamory and play. It’s a lot of relationship stuff, and sexuality and sensuality.

Candice Wu 6:36

I’ve been curious about true intimacy, like the deepest kind where there is bare seeing and nothing to hide and nothing to hide from, and that even the most mundane things have this vulnerable, intimate, erotic quality to them, when seen in that kind of light and that beauty. I had a romantic experience with someone recently that just brought me to this level of artistry, presence and being. And it also reminded me of the great tamer, this dance production that I recently saw in New York that had this quality of presence, seeing and the mundane things as sensual and beautiful, yet, also macabre and deathly, and disjointed, and this remembering of things, bringing things together.

Candice Wu 7:41

So, all that’s floating around in me, and if you’re interested in that show or Hope Springs or the proprioceptive writing retreat, I’ll link that on the show notes and get a little taste of what’s been going on for me. Well, stay tuned for that episode where I do talk more about proprioceptive writing because it is an important process now in my life, and I think it’s really helpful and just aligns with a lot of the ways that I already tune in and listen, and to write it down gives it another level but there’s a slowness to the quality of the process that is really powerful, especially when shared with another person or a group.

Candice Wu 8:25

But now for today’s topic, I want to talk about cleansing our relationships, bringing them all up to speed to the present moment, that is to say, to align to the right now, the truth of this moment, and giving it a space for what wants to have been said, and what wants to be said now as well as heard or received in the interaction and exchange between you and another. That may have been lingering festering inside you for a long time or that may be very present with you now in terms of timing that it’s happening now in your life.

Candice Wu 9:10

Have you had a relationship with someone that long ended? And this can be a friend relationship, a colleague, a family member, an animal, an intimate relationship, any, anyone, but that this relationship is still tugging on you in some way or coming back. Relationships are held within you. They’re not just a physical experience and on the physical dimension. So, just discarding them or ending it doesn’t always do the job. If we’re fully integrated in that moment, and feeling all the fields and acknowledging all of what is there, which is hard as a human being, then maybe it is done, and only you know, but if you’ve ever had that relationship that you haven’t been in contact with someone for years or even decades, but you can’t stop thinking about a certain thing about it, and it, perhaps bugs you where it hurts or you want it to go away and you push it away or better yet, you’re having dreams and they’re coming into your dreams or the thought like, why can’t I get over this or over them or why won’t this leave me? There’s a layer of frustration over the experience.

Candice Wu 10:34

And so, to let the frustration set to the side or any other feelings of shame or guilt, just give a little space for what else wants to be said, what else needs to be seen or acknowledged within that dynamic and dimension, and relationship, then perhaps it can truly integrate an end. There is a reason that it’s coming back, and that overall reason is that there’s something here for you to hold into your heart. There’s something to feel through about it, and there’s some wisdom there, and then there’s some letting go or some feeling through and releasing, perhaps. Whatever it is, is likely unconscious or buried so deep because it could be painful or it could be uncomfortable or maybe you just haven’t given yourself the time, and this is a chance here in this experiential to give yourself the space, the awareness, attention, and love, to hold the experience, to let whatever it is in that relationship be heard, be acknowledged, so that you can truly move on in your heart, in your psyche, in your soul, and in your body.

Candice Wu 12:08

So, it’s a chance to hit the refresh and reset button, and sometimes, this does mean saying goodbye fully where parts of you haven’t or sometimes, it just energetically ends certain dynamics and patterns of ways of being between you and this person or the meanings that you apply in this relationship. Perhaps, it just changes all that up, let’s that end and allows you to have something new going forward, whether that’s with this person or not, but you cleanse the palate, so to speak.

Candice Wu 12:46

We are working with our shadow with whatever we project in this experience onto the other person, what they mean to us and how we perceive them. The meaning of the interaction or exchange, and when we look at the shadow, when we connect with a person that has meant anything to us, there usually is a golden part of the shadow and a dark part, and to fully integrate, in my experience, noticing and witnessing, feeling through both has allowed it to fully digest and to organically have its place. And for me, to move on if moving on is necessary or whatever the movement is that wants to come through next. So, to receive the “good and the bad” to integrate the whole of it, the painful and pleasant parts.

Candice Wu 13:57

Nick Werber, one of my good friends and colleagues in family constellations and somatic work. He also was on the podcast twice. He says that he does a ritual with those that he cares about, and it’s: I say goodbye to who you were to make room for who you are. That is an incredibly powerful statement to do that regularly with someone you love. Whether that’s together or within yourself so that you can stay present to what’s truly here now.

Candice Wu 14:39

It’s really our own perceptions of that person that we’re saying goodbye to, and that’s part of who we are. But this goodbye, this ending allows us to take in something and find its completion, it’s fruits. You know, when someone dies or an experience ends. Have you had that experience where you’re just flooded with the feelings of appreciation or hurt or anger or fear, just all these different emotions that you might have felt throughout the experience and yet they’re culminating and coalescing right at this peak moment where the goodbye is coming or happening? The ending lets us see what it truly was, and so, if we give ourselves that ending on a regular basis, even internally, because each day has ended, because each moment ends as soon as it’s had and a new moment begins, then we can truly be present or have more of our capacity in the present moment than in the past.

Candice Wu 16:00

I think of horses and they’re so present. Yes, they do have trauma and that weaves in, but by and large, they face what’s right in front of them, and what they’re presented with, and they are congruent with theirs, what their body wants and feels in that situation and express that outwardly. Sometimes, they walk away from each other, and they do it. They don’t sort of do it. They don’t think about it, they don’t halfway do it, they do it or sometimes there’s a little bristle between one horse and another and later, they’re over it and their nuzzling. Sometimes, that’s their play, and sometimes it’s loaded with frustration or fight, but there’s clearness to how present they are in the moment, and they learn. They learn that if something feels different, and it’s a little safer, they can begin to let their guard down just a little. And of course, it’s at their pace, but the present moment gives them something new.

Candice Wu 17:13

And I wish that for all of you that the present moment gives you something new, fresh, something you don’t even know and expect, which Yes, I get can be scary. The unknown. It can be magical to be present in that unknown, to hold yourself with love through whatever it feels like.

Candice Wu 17:37

I had a couple of these long term relationships living in even though they were long gone in real life in “real life”, you know, in the physical realm, and one of them I was holding a lot of guilt and shame about how I acted with them and it wasn’t like I did anything wrong, but I noticed how needy I was in that situation, and this person just had a baby. And of course, they had their own needs, I was just so clingy with them, and it took some time for me to notice all of what came up for me and why, why I was that way or what happened that led up to it, and the belief sets that are underneath that, and all that was held with this place marker of this person, and it really wasn’t about that person at all, but about my fears and that situation and what was left undone.

Candice Wu 18:36

So, this is a chance to give yourself the attention and let your imagination come in so that whatever needs to happen can happen. Whatever did not get to happen can happen, and this is the way we can let ourselves digest it using that tool, the brilliant tool of our imagination to fuel and give resources to healing and wholeness. It’s a chance to bring all the cells in our body as much as we are aware of to the alignment of who we are now, in the present moment now, rather than leaving some incomplete and half, half baked, so to say or half moved through and experienced, but to complete those as we see them, knowing that not everything ever could be complete, but some can.

Candice Wu 19:32

So, I’m going to divide this episode into two parts so that it’s just this introduction and then the experiential, and that you continue into the experiential on its own without all this extra stuff in front. And if you want, you can repeat the experiential and do something like a one a day cleanse or once a week cleanse, were you do this experiential with another person, another person on perhaps the list you’ve made of all those important to you, all those who have been important to or have touched her life in some way, both positively and negatively or pleasantly and painfully, however, you see it the whole dimension, those that you wanted in your life and those who didn’t. You could make a list of all those people.

Candice Wu 20:26

You can make a list of all the present people in your life, those that you want to devote more time to or cultivate more as well as those who may want to find a new distance or space or boundary with, and you get to choose, you get to take a look at that and see what’s there and held in that relationship that means something to you. And if you don’t know where they are placed in your life right now or where you want to place them, in a sense, what you want in terms of that relationship. And of course, we can’t control what they want, but what you want, then you could do this process and see what happens in the aftermath because I’ve often found that this has been a reset button where even where I thought I would say goodbye completely and walk away and give a lot of space in between me and this person, perhaps not communicate with them anymore or way less. That reset, that cleansing has brought something fresh in our relationship and a new desire in me to connect and from a different place of myself.

Candice Wu 21:50

So, who knows? And I invite you to leave it open so that the space for something new can happen whether that’s being in their lives or not, whether that’s new relationships coming in and the space for it or other things that you can relate to an experience in your life that this gives space for. So, tune into the episode as it comes out later this week, and I hope you enjoy it and find more space for being present in what you want, here and now, today.

Candice Wu 22:27

Before we close today, and we tuned into the experiential, want to mention the ally with death experiential. It’s an audio experience now which guides you through a simulation of your death. I just wanted to bring it up because it really relates to this process of allying with death to integrate and bring space for the present. You can check it out at CandiceWu.com/death. Also, if this episode has been interesting for you, you might touch into a few other episodes that relate to relationships endings, letting go and sinking up with the present, including the episode of toxic relationships and ancestry, the challenging relationships in your family. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/podcast.

Candice Wu 23:27

The episode on Relationships Ending, Good Grief at CandiceWu.com/relationshipendings. There’s also the episode on energetic boundaries and how to strengthen your energetic field and clear any absorb energy, and that’s specifically Episode 30a: Sorting and Clearing your Vibration. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/ep30. And lastly, the episode on The Past Being Over and some experientials there at CandiceWu.com/pastisover. All of these will be linked in the show notes for you. So, check it out as well as all the things I mentioned in the podcast today.

Candice Wu 24:08

Before you go, I’d like to invite you to sign up for the Embody Community newsletter, and it’s a newsletter that goes out once or twice a month, giving you updates on where I am in the world, what’s going on with me, updates on podcasts and self-love notes as well as any retreats and events that are coming up. You can find that at CandiceWu.com/embody.

Candice Wu 24:32

Thanks so much for joining me today, and see you next time on the Embody Podcast.

Candice Wu 0:00
This is an experiential to support you in cleansing your relationship dynamics and to have more presence and space for what's coming in your life now. If you'd like some context around this experiential, as far as what this experiential might support you with, the ideas behind it, and what it might offer you, feel free to check that out at CandiceWu.com/relationshipcleanse.

Hello and welcome. You're listening to the Embody Podcast, a show about remembering and embodying your true nature, inner wisdom, Embodied Healing and self-love. My name is Candice Wu and I'm a holistic healing facilitator, intuitive coach, and artist, sharing my personal journey of vulnerability, offering meditations and guided healing support and having co-creative conversations with healers and wellness practitioners from all over the world.

Here in this experiential, I will offer you a variety of statements and suggestions that you might do, as far as looking at a specific relationship that has meant anything to you.

I will also leave space for what organically wants to come up throughout the experience. The unique experience that is to you and this other person or people, and what wants to happen as it evolves and unfolds in the here and now.

In the intro episode, you might have heard me suggest that making a list of all the people that have been meaningful to you both in pleasant and unpleasant ways, both past and present, this can be really helpful in your process of cleansing and really taking a thorough inventory if you so choose to. If not, you might just choose somebody that you're working with now, in your soul, in your heart.

For you, it might be helpful or not to start with somebody who is easy in terms of your feelings for that person that it's not so complicated or complex, and then build-up to the ones that are more challenging, that bring either painful feelings or uncomfortable feelings, however, you choose to do it. It is incredibly resourceful for the nervous system if you choose something that feels safe to begin and build the capacity in your body to go towards some more difficult pieces.

If you have a large capacity for feeling and sensing through, this might not matter as much for you. But if you did want to play with it, it might also give you something different.

I trust that you'll know exactly who you need to begin with and how you need to begin, and will let your intuition guide the way. So feel free to connect with yourself in any way that feels comfortable, any way that's supportive to you, whether that's touch, just tuning in, noticing your breath or anything else.

Notice what's here for you, in this moment, finding that connection with the relationship to yourself.

And when you're ready, feel free to stand up if you want to take this into a full-body movement experience, or sit or lie down whatever's right for you.

I invite you to notice your whole body, your emotions, the sensations in your body, thoughts, images, movements, throughout the experience.

Now bring one person that has meant anything to you, or touched your life in some way to the forefront.

If you're standing, you might imagine them standing somewhere in your space, where you could put place markers, like a piece of paper with their name on it, or an object that can stand in to represent or just imagine it.

And as you open the space with this person, just notice whatever it is that you feel or perceive in relation to them. Are you able to look at them? Do you see them looking at you? Is it hard or easy to and what is the feeling? How is your body?

Stay with whatever wants to emerge and be felt, and acknowledged or begin to notice what words might want to be said from either end.

Feel free to say out loud to this person, anything that you might need to say.

Let yourself be as honest as possible. This is your private time and space, in your imaginative field.

Notice if there's anything you wish to hear from them, feel free to imagine them saying this, and yes using the tool of imagination as a healing support for you.

Continue to observe how this feels for you, what you notice in your body, what distance you and this other person are at and what feels comfortable. You get to decide.

Now, feel free to stand in the other person's place. So, if you're literally standing, you can walk over at your pace and look towards yourself, and if you're imagining this, imagine dipping up into the ethers and landing in their energy, looking towards you and feel what it's like to be in their place, looking towards you.

Notice if there are any words or affections or movements that want to be expressed, and let yourself do that.

Notice if there are any messages from this person to you at a deeper level, at the level of the soul and spirit.

Notice anything else there's to notice and to feel, and whenever you're ready, come back to your place. Feel free to imagine that you've washed yourself with crystal clear white light and lands back in your place.

Now I'll offer a few words that may or may not fit your situation, your relationship, or your vernacular, and feel free to adjust them as it fits you. And if something doesn't resonate with you, just let it pass and feel free to say whatever there is to say in your words, or wait for the next one. And we'll also leave some time at the end for anything else that wants to be said or felt.

So the first phrase from you to this person, feel free to say it out loud.

“Thank you”

The next one. “Thank you for the lesson.”

“Please.” And sometimes a strain as wishes come through there, “Please, please.”

Another one you can try on is, “No.”

And as we continue forward, if there are some that just really strike you more deeply, feel free to stay with that, pause here in the recording if you need to, or just ignore the next words or feel free to come back at the end.

And now a sentence, “I take responsibility for the hurt or pain that happened in this relationship and I leave you with yours.”

Another one you might try on is, “You will always hold a special place in my heart.”

“I receive what you gave me and I make more with it.”

“Thank you for your part of my journey. Thank you for being on my journey with me.”

And another idea is, “I agree to this for some time and I no longer agree to this.”

And again, just noticing which words fit for you, which don't, just leaving the ones behind that don't, and maybe taking the ones with you that do, and just a few more suggestions here to try on.

“Please bless me on my way and I bless you on yours.”

Or, “I am at peace with you.”

Or, “I can love you from a distance.”

Take a moment if you feel like it, to sense the color of your own energy and sense the color of their energy, wherever there's any color that's inside of you that belongs to them, let it magnetize back towards this person.

Take any time you need to sense into any other feelings that live in your body, that you sense in the relationship or space in between, any words that need to be said.

Now, notice if there's anything else that needs to be said or done in this relationship at the moment, any feelings that need to be honored within you.

If you want to, invite a clear white light to come in between you, the energy of presence and love.

Invite this person to stand and be at a distance that feels comfortable for you. Ranging from next to you to across the world or into outer space, whatever feels right.

Notice how you feel now at the end of the experience, take an inner imprint of what's happening inside and savor any parts of you that feel relief, expansiveness, any pleasant feeling while you take note of any feelings that are still wanting to make their way through.

Of course, as always, feel free to come back to parts of this that you wanted to come back to, or need more time with.

And, I'll leave you with a little bit of gentle music here or, you can do that or come back to your space and your surroundings and into your life.

Feel free to rewind this all the way back to the beginning of the experiential, where the experiential starts, if you want to do this with another person, or trust yourself to work with the next person knowing what you need, allowing the space for what wants to come up to do so organically.

And I wish you all the best with letting the dynamics end and conclude, to die, and for renewal, rejuvenation to happen within you and in your relationships.

Thanks so much for joining me today and see you next time in the Embody Podcast.