“I don’t know who…or what…put the question, I don’t know when it was put. I don’t even remember answering. But at some moment I did answer Yes to Someone — or Something…and from that hour I was certain that existence is meaningful and that, therefore, my life, in self-surrender, had a goal.” ~Dag Hammarskjöld

Self-Surrender — My Spiritual Choosing

For a long time, I have considered myself spiritual — at least in my desire to know myself, to express myself fully, to be in resonance with truth, and to understand my relationship to myself and the universe. To follow my heart’s calling. And I do all these things to what I know as my fullest.

But this weekend, I was presented with the next level. There was something in my Spirit that was inviting me to step deeper. Surrender ALL the way. Trust in the unfolding of life and believe in my own power, as I am love. Be in my own flow and abundance. This was a moment of choice within my inner self — Do you, Candice, actually CHOOSE your spiritual life?

This was a moment I couldn’t turn away from. This didn’t mean I would deny being in the world with all of the functionality and human experience — this just means that the guiding force of my life is the inner wisdom and trust, and letting the form and structure meet up with and follow — which is not always easy for me. My soul was asking an ultimate act of Self Love — the Self that is the same as and interconnected with all others.

Choosing Yes

I chose yes. I chose yes to what is present and that I trust leads me to more than I could even imagine. Leads me to myself in every moment — to home. I gave in to the wisdom from within that can’t help but show itself to me. I believe that my deep desires that come from love and the intuitive senses that may not make rational sense are paths worth acknowledging and following.

This meant a breaking away of some old ideas, plans, and structures — forms of how I wanted things to show up in my life. All of these plans, of the past. I wanted to clearly calibrate to right now — to renovate and trust the KNOWING that is now.

This was particularly challenging for me as I had dreams. I had ideas of what I wanted, and even though I thought I was hitting the refresh button pretty well, some of my plans were outdated and attached to certain ways that my ego wanted it to show up, conveniently categorized as “future plans.” “In the future, I’d like to have XY and Z” — this served as a protective layer from totally being in the present knowing, made of fear itself.

But I was ready to digest that fear now. I was ready to trust my life and know that my being tells me exactly what I want right now in this moment. Sometimes this means to play hard and sometimes to cry hard. Sometimes it does mean planning, but combined with not knowing at times what is next on the journey, but I know what I know now. It has meant to be congruently sharing with those around me that something has changed and to live outwardly what is on the inside. The rejoice and peace of being true to myself is worth the discomfort that can ripple outward as things change.

A Deeper Calling of the Soul

Does any of this sound familiar for you?

Is there a deeper calling inside of you to look at your deepest desires and follow your soul’s cry?

Does your body begin to shout in its many forms of pain and tension for you to pause and pay attention?

If we don’t listen, who will? If we miss all of our inner being’s signals, will we have missed loving ourselves? Will we have dismissed the life that wants to be lived, the land of the soul that wants to break open and TRULY LOVE?

I’m always here to walk along your journey with you — I invite you to reach out to me if you are curious about your next step or if you’d like support.

I also want to thank from the depths of my heart all of you out there receiving my emails, giving me feedback, interacting with me or my expression, all of my teachers, loved ones, and those who are supporting me from afar. For all of you, I am grateful for on this journey.

 

Featured Photo by Justin Brown