To love yourself is to be with yourself through the hard times.

When something doesn’t go “right” or when I notice myself feeling low, I am most prone to diminish my feelings, distract, avoid, and criticize myself. I can push down a feeling, only to find that it’s still there later. I may abandon myself and leave parts of myself all alone.

But as I’ve found tools over the years to support my body, Spirit, and my emotional world, I’ve felt more whole and resilient — that I can be with myself through anything. That I love and trust myself.

When we feel hard moments, it’s the time we need ourselves the most. The time we need compassion, understanding, support, and presence. We can build that loving relationship, trust, and support for ourselves.

Having Presence With Yourself

“Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There.” ~ Sylvia Boorstein

Being with yourself means that you stay with yourself no matter how painful or joyful — to acknowledge and be with yourself through the experience. It’s like sitting with a friend or animal that is having a rough moment, without trying to fix it or make it different.

Shifting your perspective or focus, moving your body a little, or supporting yourself in slowly recognizing your feelings can go a long way to supporting healing and an expansion.

Tools to Practice in Tough Moments

If you’re stuck in criticism, feeling dismissive of your feelings, pushing yourself too hard or being harsh with yourself, stuffing down and suppressing your emotions — is it working for you? If not: ease into something different.

Practice these three ways to love yourself through hard times:

1. Go Upside Down

Shifting your energy and along with it, your perspective by going upside down. This can be a standing forward fold, downward facing dog yoga pose, legs up the wall yoga pose, a handstand or headstand, anything where your head is lower or about the same level as your head.

Breath deeply as you feel your body in a different position. Stay for 5–15 breaths, your choice. Look around as you are there, especially if you are all the way upside down. See the world literally from this flipped experience and let it change your body experience.

When you come back to sitting or standing, let a couple of breaths move so that your body has a chance to integrate.

Then, ask yourself from an asking and listening heart-space (rather than completely from an analytic mind-space)

• Can I give myself what I most need emotionally?
• What is the lesson in this experience?
• What wisdom does this situation offer me on my journey of life?
• What is the training on being human that I am receiving here?

2. Use RAINS for your pains

• Recognize: Recognize, identify, notice and name your emotions.
• Accept, Acknowledge, Allow: Allow and accept this as your present experience. Embrace it and choose it, rather than resisting. Let yourself be supported by your breath, loving self- touch, or anything that helps you.
• Investigate, Inquire: With natural curiosity and non-judgment, wonder about what is causing your feeling. Let the truth of the beliefs underneath come to the surface. When have you felt this before? What thoughts, sensations, beliefs, and behaviors connect with this feeling? Is this a realistic way to think now?
• Non-Identification: Let your breath help you separate YOU from your emotions, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. You are not any of these. Step aside and witness neutrally.
• Self-Compassion: Be kind and have understanding for yourself. Humans have emotions, triggers, reactions, and all sorts of beliefs that don’t belong to the present moment anymore.

Meg Selig shares more here.

3. Imagine a Loving Connection

Bring to your mind a picture and of someone who would be so loving to you: a human or furry friend, a therapist, coach, spiritual figure, or spirit guide.

Or, create an ideal friend or parent. Imagine this person supporting you in just the right way. Notice how you feel inside and allow the feelings to be present. Stay with yourself and allow yourself to receive the support of this person.

❤ Try the experiential for guidance: Resource Emotional Safety

If you need a little break, you can always connect back with the tool of pendulation (Building Emotional Capacity with Pendulation Healing Experiential) to move between two polarities to support ease.

You are Worthy

Know you’re worthy of being acknowledged — that your feelings are part of honoring yourself — the feelings are messages and giving you a deeper connection to yourself.

 

Featured Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash